Chapter Twenty-Three
Christian comes over and kisses Anastasia on the cheek. She’s a little bit pissed off that he’s there, except that actually she isn’t.
I don’t know if I want to shout at him or throw myself into his arms (page 419).
Yeah.
He explains that he’s staying at the hotel. After all, the other day Anastasia said that she wished he was here in her email, and since Grey likes interpreting things exactly the way they’re stated, he came!
There’s a bit of flirtatious dialogue between them which is a little subdued since Anastasia’s mom is there. Then the waiter arrives with Christian’s drink.
“Hendricks, sir,” he says with a triumphant flourish.
“Thank you,” Christian murmurs in acknowledgement (page 420).
Because we couldn’t work out from the context that Christian was acknowledging what the waiter just said. And we also couldn’t work out that Christian was saying thank you when the waiter had very clearly addressed him, as the only male at the table. James, do not use six words when two would do.
Anastasia’s mom pointedly leaves for the restroom and Grey and Anastasia talk. Anastasia explains that she thinks of Mrs. Robinson as a child molester, which is why she has a problem with him having dinner with her. Grey explains that it wasn’t like that at all.
“She was a force for good. What I needed.” (page 422).
Right.
Grey says he doesn’t want to talk about this right now, and if she doesn’t want him here, he can leave.
“No – don’t go. Please. I’m thrilled you’re here.” (page 422)
Remember how a couple pages ago she was pissed off that he stalked her across the country? Yeah, she’s moved on.
Anastasia’s mom comes back, so Christian excuses himself, telling the waiter to put the drinks on his tab, room 612. Subtle, Christian.
Mommy dearest tells Anastasia that Christian is obviously in love with her since he just flew three thousand miles across the United States to stalk her at a hotel, and he wouldn’t do that unless he was very serious about her. She asks Anastasia how she feels, and Anastasia says she thinks she’s in love with him, because really, who wouldn’t love Christian Grey?
So she heads up to Grey’s room. He’s on the phone with half of an important generic business meeting conversation. Once it’s done they have some hot sexy flirty conversation that ends with
“Are you bleeding?” (page 427)
Which is kind of odd since most men in the U.S. would say something like, “Are you on your period?” or “Is it that time of the month for you?” or possibly even “Is Aunt Flo in town?” but generally we only ask “Are you bleeding?” if there is blood leaking from some other part of her body.
Anyway, Anastasia’s on the rag, and he invites her to come take a bath. They head into the bathroom and slowly disrobe with great deal of incredibly sensual and erotic foreplay. Christian even talks dirty to her:
“When did you start your period, Anastasia?” (page 429)
God, it’s so hot.
Although it turns out he’s asking because…oh, right they’re not going to use a condom. It’s a good thing there’s no chance of unwanted pregnancy even when you think the woman is on her period!
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string – what?! – and gently takes my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet (page 430).
You know, as erotic as that sentence was, I can’t help but remember something about you’re not supposed to flush tampons. Some cursory research on Google suggests it actually depends on the pipes, types of sewage system, and other factors. I guess I shouldn’t quibble over proper tampon disposal methods.
They have sex and come together. As they bask in their postcoital glow, she notices a number of small white scars on Christian’s chest and realizes that they’re not from chicken pox, because when she was hanging out with Grey’s family his mother mentioned he was barely effected by chicken pox. Which obviously means that he must have cigarette burns all over his chest.
They talk about nothing for a few pages and eventually land on the agreement. Anastasia says she’s not sure she can follow it and pretend to be someone she’s not for an entire weekend at a time. Grey agrees that she’s not really a submissive.
“Why do you need to control me?”
“Because it satisfies a need that wasn’t met in my formative years.” (page 437)
Maybe this is just me, but this doesn’t make any fucking sense. What need, precisely? The ability to have some sort of control over your life? Newsflash, Grey: nobody has any fucking control over their formative years. At the very best, you’re at the whims of your parents, guardians, or the state.
Anyway, there’s more dialogue about nothing, and they have more incredible sex, and finally the chapter ends.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Anastasia has a sexy dream about Grey feeding her strawberries, and eventually wakes up. It’s 5:30 in the morning, otherwise known as ass o’clock, and they get dressed and head out. In an awesome sports car. They listen to music which leads to Anastasia scrolling through his iPod until she finds Britney Spears’ Toxic, which she turns on. Grey explains that he didn’t put the song on his iPod, and after some questioning, he reveals that Leila, one of his ex-subs, put it on. And he ended things with her because she wanted more.
They end up at an airfield and Anastasia realizes they’re going gliding because she can instantly recognize a gliding field from a location that doesn’t say anything about gliding on the signs.
Blah blah, they get strapped in, take off, release from the actual plane, and have a magical glide back down to the ground. You know, it’s weird that Grey is so ridiculously protective of Anastasia but also takes her out gliding. What next, chainsaw juggling?
They kiss passionately until Grey lets her know what’s really on his mind:
“Breakfast,” he whispers, making it sound deliciously erotic (page 455).
What’s more erotic than breakfast?
So they go to IHOP. Yes, IHOP. Inside, they flirt a bit, the waitress comes over and is immediately overcome by the attractiveness of Christian. He orders food for them both because Anastasia only wants what he wants, and eventually the conversation turns to the changing dynamics between them, and the fact that they both want an actual relationship, as well as lots of sex.
Breakfast is uninteresting and so is the rest of the day. Anastasia’s mom wants to have a dinner party for Christian and they prepare for it but he has to go back to Seattle. On the other hand…SIP, Seattle Independent Publishing, calls Anastasia and offers her the job – a salaried position! How fucking awesome is that? The first place she applied after graduating from college, which is also her dream job, has hired her!
Chapter Twenty-Five
Anastasia’s mom tells her she needs to follow her heart and enjoy herself and Anastasia cries just a little bit.
She gives me her most endearing, motherly, absolute-unconditional-love smile, and I marvel at the love I feel for this woman as we hug again (page 471).
She’s your mom, you twat. You don’t need to marvel at the fact that you love her.
Anastasia gets on the plane and ponders her relationship with Grey. She realizes that she needs him to love her.
because on some basic, fundamental level, I recognize within me a deep-seated compulsion to be loved and cherished (page 472).
It’s nice that Anastasia is having what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity to come to the stunningly obvious conclusion that she wants to be loved. Really, Sherlock? What’s next, you’re going to realize that you need oxygen to survive?
Eventually she decides to exchange some emails with Christian. Since all of the emails in the book have a timestamp, James decides to tag Anastasia’s as being at 12:53 EST, and then Christian’s at 09:58. It’s something that initially looks like an error and then you realize she’s being clever with the time zones and then you wonder why the fuck Anastasia’s emails are noted as being in Eastern Time but Christian’s aren’t noted as Pacific Time.
The emails aren’t interesting. Taylor picks her up from the airport and that’s not interesting either. He drops her off at the entrance to Christian’s building and his expression is avuncular. I know that in my personal life, I frequently think of expressions as avuncular so I won’t complain about this at all.
She gets inside and Grey gets off his important business phone call and they make out and then they have amazing sex and come simultaneously. Afterwards, she explains that she got a job, and is surprised that he doesn’t know where, since he’s a fucking stalker. Grey is offended.
“Anastasia, I wouldn’t dream of interfering in your career, unless you ask me to, of course.” He looks wounded (page 481).
Keep this one in mind, because he’s going to interfere in her career numerous times throughout this series.
Blah blah, after they have sex twice he says he wants her in his playroom. Sweet, more sex!
She gets in there and kneels by the door in her panties and thinks about things and whether or not it’s right.
It’s right for Christian. it’s what he wants – and after the last few days….after all he’s done, I have to man up and take whatever he wants, whatever he thinks he needs (page 484).
Yeah. He spent a bunch of money on you, so now if he wants to debase and hurt you, you need to take it. Because He Deserves It.
We then get about 10 pages of them having kinky sex. That’s it. Kinky sex. Lovingly described in excruciating detail.
Chapter Twenty-Six
She gets up and talks to Christian. She wants to know about the contract, and he says that it’s basically moot. Except for the Rules section. He totally wants her to obey the rules but she can forget about the rest of the contract. Fair enough. He goes to fetch the rules and we get a page and a half reprint of part of the contract which we already read but it’s reprinted here to take up some more space.
There’s flirtatious talk and trying to catch each other and then Anastasia drops this bombshell:
“I feel about punishment the way you feel about my touching you.” (page 502)
Grey is absolutely horrified for about twenty seconds because he really hates being touched. Anastasia reassures him that she hates actual pain, not kinky pain, and asks him why he likes it. Grey explains that he needs it. And finally, she bites the bullet and asks him to show her just how bad it can get.
So he tells her that this is what she asks her for and bends her over a bench and has her count with her as he spanks her with a belt. The first one is very painful. The second one is a holy shit sort of pain. The third makes her start crying.
“Four!” I yell as the belt bites into me again, and now the tears are streaming down my face (page 506).
So hot.
After the full six strokes she tears away from him and is legitimately angry.
“This is what you really like? Me, like this?” I use the sleeve of the bathrobe to wipe my nose.
He gazes at me warily.
“Well, you are one fucked-up son of a bitch.” (page 506).
He is horrified and she storms out of the room. Eventually she gets in bed and cries while she thinks about thinks and how he has needs that she can’t fill and how she just wants someone who fits into the ‘normal’ category.
Grey comes in and they talk. She’s freaking out because she’s no good for him and he’s freaking out because he’s no good for it, in much the same way that Bella Swan was no good for Edward Cullen, and vice versa. Anastasia realizes she needs to leave.
I have had my eyes opened and glimpsed the extent of his depravity, and I now know he’s not capable of love – of giving or receive love (page 510).
I’m not sure how she’s arrived at this conclusion since it isn’t actually supported by anything that has actually happened, but let’s not quibble about facts or logic.
After some nothing, she dumps her Mac and Blackberry and asks for the money that Taylor got from selling her car. Grey tries to make her keep all the gadgets, but Anastasia says she doesn’t want anything that will remind her of him. As he fetches the check she thinks about sex.
Jeez – if I’d kept my mouth shut, we’d have made love on the piano. No, fucked, we would have fucked on the piano. Well, I would have made love. The thought lies heavy and sad in my mind and what’s left of my heart. He has never made love to me, has he? It’s always been fucking to him (page 512).
This is despite the fact that Christian has specifically told her several times that he wanted to make love to her, and they have then proceeding with the lovemaking in ways that any jury of her peers would agree is normal lovemaking.
And she leaves. Taylor drives her home. Anastasia starts crying on the way and it doesn’t get better. She falls into bed and starts crying hysterically because she is absolutely crushed.
And that’s it. The books ends. Holy shit. That’s incredible. James was just fucking with us all along! This entire story is a cautionary tale that slowly pulls you in with ridiculously detailed sex scenes and tricks you into thinking this is an amazing erotic romance even though it’s actually a horrible, misguided, dysfunctional, controlling, abusive, fucked-up relationship and then, at the end, cleverly subverts everything by having the relationship fall apart and end in hysterical crying, exactly the way everyone would expect this fucking relationship to end.
…wait. What’s that, you say?
There are two more books?
Fuck.
Forget that. Not in my reality. The series ended here.
swenson on 15 October 2012, 21:28 said:
Nope. Has the potential to mess up sewer systems something awful. However, this is a hotel, which is likely to have a more robust sewage system than most houses.
ANYWAY
And bloody sheets.
So romantic! Or erotic! Those are the same thing, right?
Oh man. Like you wouldn’t believe.
Anyway, I’m having a hard time believing this is actually how it ends. I could’ve sworn there was a whole lot more between the stalking in Georgia and the end of the book, but maybe my brain was editing as I went so I wouldn’t die of awfulness. The ending is just so… stupid. And artificial. Oh no! I suddenly realized that… this guy likes causing pain! Even though 95% of the book thus far has been about how yes, he’s kind of a sadist and yes, it turns him on!
The ending gets even stupider in light of the second book, though. Should I spoil it? Not that there’s much to spoil.
Kyllorac on 15 October 2012, 22:10 said:
Realistically, it is actually possible for a woman to get pregnant if she has sex while on her period.
Also, sexy times underwater = microtears in penis.
0:D
I dunno. I gave all the above a good run for their money considering they can’t exactly control you if they can’t find you.
I was such a horrible child.
Instead, you should be marveling at the fact that she loves you.
For serious?
Well. That was anticlimactic. But, as much as we would like to deny it, we know Ana and Christian will come together again….
Forest Purple on 15 October 2012, 22:55 said:
Thank you so much XD
swenson on 15 October 2012, 23:00 said:
YES.
Fair on 15 October 2012, 23:18 said:
I know, right? I seriously thought you (Rorschach) were joking when you said the book ended there. I guess you weren’t.
Licht on 16 October 2012, 00:55 said:
It’s perfectly logical that he would word it that way. He’s a vampire, silly you.
Can you even get more lovingly than writing about how he pulls out her tampon? Besides, we can flush them. ;D
Agreed.
Seriously, the more I get to know about this horrible series the more I feel like reading Kathy Acker and Charlotte Roche all at once.
Tim on 16 October 2012, 03:05 said:
Ah, Ana has a pullstring that makes her say idiotic things, it all makes sense now. Cristian must have triggered it with his cock every time they had sex and that’s why her dialog was so entirely ridiculous.
Note to the author: PEOPLE DO NOT TALK LIKE THIS.
“Oh yeah handsome, work that watering can.”
“Holy shit, my mother gives my unconditional love!”
<turns faucet>
“Holy shit, this thing has water in it!”
“Turned out his depravity felt a hell of a lot bigger than it looked, let me tell you.”
I think I need a diagram of how that would be possible.
Epke on 16 October 2012, 03:59 said:
So Ana and Christian spend time with her mother, called Not-Renee, in a sunny state that’s Not-Florida, and her mother observes that Ana and Christian are in love… sort of like she did with Bella and Edward. Huh.
Right, it may just be me, but pulling out a girl’s tampon (without her asking for it) is just making me cringe. Blah blah, fully natural process, it’s still in the personal hygiene section that you don’t want to do with your partner. What’s in the sequel, “Christian grabs Ana’s douche and gets going”?
Ah, but was it a simultaneous anticlimax for the reader and the book?
HimochiIsAwesome on 16 October 2012, 06:51 said:
…
//wiggles eyebrows suggestively
Bwahahahaha!
What else would it be, coming from this book? Ahaha.
swenson on 16 October 2012, 08:27 said:
Technically, I have on occasion, but only when I’m being deliberately sarcastic.
They did it once before, I think. (or maybe it’s in the next book) I curse my ability to retain almost everything I read, as I can actually remember how it worked: it’s a grand piano and they closed the lid.
Unfortunately, both interpretations of Kyllorac’s original comment do, in fact, apply in the next book.
WHOOPS SPOILERS
Tim on 16 October 2012, 09:57 said:
No, I mean how it’s possible for to make love to someone who’s busy drilling you like an oil derrick.
Prince O' Tea on 16 October 2012, 10:09 said:
I’d like to claim Christian’s ass…
With a cactus strapon.
HimochiIsAwesome on 16 October 2012, 10:24 said:
Predictable plot is predictable!
You’re not the only one, really.
But then again, you’d be running the risk of him somehow swapping your positions and using it on you… //shudder
swenson on 16 October 2012, 10:48 said:
Oh, haha. In that case, just remember that Ana is a moron.
Prince O' Tea on 16 October 2012, 14:54 said:
Maybe I should tie him up first. Give the controlling bastard a taste of his own medicine.
Mingnon on 16 October 2012, 16:04 said:
And instead of candle wax, we could use hot oil! :D
Kyllorac on 16 October 2012, 16:24 said:
Of course they do. My double entendres are always perfect.
Prince O' Tea on 16 October 2012, 16:57 said:
I saw we use boiling caramel and fire ants!
Tim on 16 October 2012, 17:44 said:
No, clearly the answer here is angry rats in heatproof suits and magma.
Prince O' Tea on 17 October 2012, 09:18 said:
I really don’t understand though. She asked him to spank her as hard as he wanted, then she freaks out and starts crying. Sorry honey, you lost the right to get upset when you told him to stop holding back.
Ana is such a clueless, obnoxious, self pitying drama queen, she even makes me make excuses for Christian. Goddamit Ana, I fucking hate you.
Still, gotta love her idiotic lush of a mother. “Your boyfriend stalked you 3000 miles across the USA when you said you needed some time to yourself. That’s True Romance honey, not the kind of behaviour that can end up with you in several bin bags scattered across a three mile stretch of highway.”
Epke on 17 October 2012, 11:29 said:
I think, in Ana’s mind, Christian would make it pleasurable because it’s Ana he’s spanking, not A Nameless Submissive. Judging from Ana’s previous thoughts and behaviour (“Dear Diary: José tried to rape me, grr, I’m so mad. Christian Grey is sooooo hot! But he is such a mystery to me. He says he wants to fuck me, but what does that mean? I just don’t know. Spending some alone time with Mommy in Georgia and Christian shows up! I love how he respects my privacy. Better than Elliot and Kate, the slut. I <3 her. Also, running out of mascara.”) she has no idea what pain really is or how utterly messed up Christian is. I don’t even mean “he likes to call me slut in bed” messed up, but “I want to taste your pancreas” messed up. Ana doesn’t see it, because she’s in love. And he’s handsome. James doesn’t see it because she’s basically Ana. And they’re both shmucks.
Or, and this is what I really think is the case, E.L. James needed a setup for
New MoonFifty Shades Darker where Ana and Christian aren’t together and have to find their way back… like New Moon, that’s equally stupid and boring. At least Ana doesn’t hallucinate (she’s just stupid) or sit in a comatose state for a few months.Licht on 17 October 2012, 11:36 said:
Christian does as well, only the author doesn’t know.
Which reminds me, somehow my grandmother got to know Twilight. She’s 90. Her neighbor’s daughter read it to her and said neigbor’s daughter just loved Edward.
My grandmother says if any girl of our family brings home a guy like him she’ll shoot him. I wonder what she’d do to Christian Grey. (Not to mention what she’d do to Ana.)
swenson on 17 October 2012, 12:38 said:
This would be true except… well, this is kinda spoilerish, but…
They literally get back together in the first chapter. I wish I were joking.
@Licht – Your grandmother has the right idea!
Sahgo on 17 October 2012, 12:54 said:
@Licht – Just want to let you know that your grandmother is an awesome lady.
Prince O' Tea on 17 October 2012, 14:34 said:
Your grandmother sounds awesome. Edith Massey awesome.
HimochiIsAwesome on 17 October 2012, 14:59 said:
I wish my Nain was as awesome as your grandmother. Maybe then she’d tell my Mam to stop fangirling over Mr
HellspawnGrey.Licht on 18 October 2012, 00:50 said:
I’ll tell her. She IS awesome. So she deserves it.
Do we know which audience they tried to target with Fifty Shades and who turned out to enjoy it most?
Most people I have caught fangirling
SparklesSpanky so far are middle-aged moms.Prince O' Tea on 18 October 2012, 08:04 said:
Same. It’s usually old ladies on the train I see reading it.
swenson on 18 October 2012, 08:27 said:
I am very pleased to say I have yet to see anyone actually holding a physical copy of the book. I spend most of my time at work or at university, though, so I don’t run into too many middle-aged housewives.
Prince O' Tea on 18 October 2012, 13:56 said:
You’re lucky. I live in London, and I’ve seen quite a few people reading it on the Tube, or old ladies putting it in their shopping basket at Tesco’s and Morrisons.
Licht on 19 October 2012, 04:54 said:
Munich, on the tube, train, S-Bahn, people I know and don’t know, ladies buying it at Hugendubel or one of the small bookstores.
The physical copies are not what bothers me. What bothers me is the marketing, the media being all over it… It’s just SO annoying.
PeddlingSalmon on 22 October 2012, 19:59 said:
So you won’t be reviewing the other two?
Prince O' Tea on 22 October 2012, 23:00 said:
I have to agree with Betty though, I’d rather get Maradonia: Maya’s Awakening DX before we get anything else.
Nate Winchester on 22 November 2012, 12:24 said:
Maybe she was, but we were making love to her.