Chapter Twenty
They burst into the boathouse and Anastasia is freaking out just a little bit.
“Please don’t hit me,” I whisper, pleading (page 347).
It’s like I’m reading a domestic abuse survival story.
Grey is surprised and then they start kissing. He’s confused by her and by what she’s doing to him.
“No one’s ever said no to me before. And it’s so – hot.” (page 348)
He agrees not to spank her, although it’s what she deserves for, you know, not telling him about Georgia and going drinking with Jacob Black. Instead, he’s going to fuck her, but only for his pleasure. She’s not allowed to come. So I guess this will be the one time in this book where they don’t have simultaneous orgasms?
They have sex and it’s pretty awesome even though she doesn’t get to come. And that’s about it. The evening wraps up, she surreptitiously asks Kate to not antagonize Christian and Kate surreptitiously responds that he needs antagonizing because he’s really controlling. Ah, Kate. You have no idea.
As they drive home, Grey asks if he can accompany her to Georgia but Anastasia says no because she needs some space to think about things. They talk about what they want. Anastasia thinks about things but doesn’t actually say any of them because as we’ve established she has communication issues. Her thinking is occasionally lucid:
He’s not a hero, he’s a man with serious, deep emotional flaws (page 355).
They both agree to try more and Anastasia says she’ll sign his contract and he tells her to wait until after Georgia. They get home and he asks her to spend the night so they head indoors and Anastasia wants him to make love to her and to be able to touch him, but he freaks out because he has issues being touched in certain areas of his body.
Anastasia makes a deal that he can spank her if he tells her about his past, so Grey pulls out some balls, and we get this scene, which is pretty funny. He stuffs the balls inside her and gives her a sexy spanking which feels amazing, and then they fuck and have a simultaneous orgasm. They climb into bed and she asks him to spill the beans. So he does. Well. He spills a bean.
“The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.”
Holy fuck … what does that mean? (page 367).
It means his mother was a crack whore, Anastasia. It’s not code.
Chapter Twenty-One
When she wakes up Grey is gone so she wanders out dressed only in Christian’s t-shirt and encounters an attractive middle-aged blonde.
I feel self-conscious and embarrassed by my lack of clothing (page 369).
This is the quality of writing that makes the New York Times bestseller list.
She’s Mrs. Jones, Grey’s housekeeper. Anastasia asks for some tea and scuttles off towards the study, where Grey is on the phone engaged in important-sounding CEO talk that doesn’t really make sense unless they’re skipping from topic to topic over the phone.
His is without a doubt the most beautiful man on the planet, too beautiful for the little people below, too beautiful for me (page 370).
Get it, readers? He’s really attractive.
Once the call finishes she flirts shamelessly with him and says that she wants it right there on the desk. So Grey does the throw-everything-off-the-desk move, whips the condom out of his pocket that he always has available, and they.have.sex.
Nothing really happens for awhile. They have breakfast and Grey offers to let her take his private jet to Georgia, and eventually Anastasia has to take off for her job interviews. The first one goes well, and then she gets to Seattle Independent Publishing which is where she really wants to work anyway, as an editorial assistant.
She gets in and has an interview with Jack Hyde, who’s one of the editors, and a chick named Elizabeth from HR. Hyde comments on her truly impressive GPA (Anastasia’s a 4.0 student, naturally), which doesn’t really make any sense because if there’s one thing companies don’t give a fuck about it’s your GPA.
After she gets home she exchanges emails with Grey and asks if Mrs. Jones is an ex-sub of his, because when I see attractive middle-aged blonde housekeepers I immediately wonder if they used to be a submissive in a BDSM relationship with their employer. I think that’s the plot of a few pornos, actually. Anyway, Grey fires back that of course she’s not, he has NEVER employed anyone that he’s had a sexual relationship with and he never would…well, except he’d totally employ Anastasia. Because she’s Special.
Kate drops her off at the airport where at check-in she finds out she’s been upgraded to first class. Surprise!
Chapter Twenty-Two
Inside the first class lounge at SeaTac Anastasia gets a manicure, a massage, and a couple glasses of champagne, which is great, except the first-class lounge at SeaTac doesn’t offer manicures or massages. This took me about five minutes to establish via Google. She exchanges some emails with Grey and talks about the cute guy who gave her the massage, leaving out the part that he’s gay. Grey emails her back and says next time she’ll be in the cargo hold, tied up and gagged in a crate. Isn’t he just the cutest?
During the layover in Atlanta she writes Grey a very long email where she explains him spending money on her makes her feel uncomfortable because it’s like he’s paying her for sex, and also that comments like tying her up and stuffing her in a crate is kinda overreacting and she’s not sure whether he’s joking or being serious. Normally, I’d say that’s an obvious joke, but this is Christian Grey. I’d bet solid money he’s made previous submissives travel via cargo hold crate from New York to LA in his private jet while he sits in the first class, furiously masturbating to the thought of them suffering.
In Georgia she hugs her mom and says hi to Bob, the latest model of husband.
He takes my backpack.
“Jeez, Ana, what have you got in here?”
That would be my Mac (page 396).
The fuck? Macbook Pros are extremely light laptops.
They head out to the beach and of course her mom immediately wants to know about Grey.
I can’t talk about Christian in any great detail because of the NDA, but even then, would I choose to talk to my mother about it? (page 397)
Maybe this is just me, but if someone asks you about your relationship with someone and you immediately cannot think of anything to talk about except for the sex, it’s probably not that great of a relationship. Eventually Anastasia describes him as ‘mercurial’, a word I have heard in actual real people conversation exactly never.
When she gets home she has a very long email from Grey which is actually pretty good. He explains that he’s rich, and he likes to spend money on whatever he sees fit, which includes her. Then he apologizes for frightening her and says that obviously he would never do anything like stuffing her in a crate.
What I think you fail to realize in Dom/sub relationships it is the sub who has all the power. That’s you. I’ll repeat this – you are the one with all the power. Not I. in the boathouse you said no. I can’t touch you if you say no (page 400).
This is all actually correct about actual Dom/sub relationships. Except for a couple things. This isn’t an actual Dom/sub relationship, Grey doesn’t act like she has all the power, and Anastasia doesn’t understand it at all. As will be amply demonstrated.
They exchange lots of emails which really aren’t interesting. Eventually Grey mentions that he’s having dinner with an old friend, Anastasia asks if it’s Mrs. Robinson, Grey says yes, she’s just an old friend.
Anastasia is aghast.
He was having dinner with her. My scalp prickles as adrenaline and fury lance through my body, all my worst fears realized. How could he? I am away for two days, and he runs off to that evil bitch (page 416).
Overreacting much? I mean, sure, she likes having sex with 15-year-old boys, but we’ve already established that Grey doesn’t have a problem with that. More to the point, why is she flipping her shit because he’s having dinner with an ex? Newsflash: people can remain friends with people they used to be in relationships with. One of my best friends is an ex-girlfriend.
Anastasia writes him a hostile email, he replies that he doesn’t want to discuss it via email, and then asks her how many Cosmopolitans she’s going to drink. And Anastasia realizes that he’s there, watching her.
This would be the scream moment in a horror movie.
Except this is an erotic romance novel. So, instead of being pissed off that he followed her across the country when one of the specific reasons she wanted to leave was to get a little space and think about things, I think this is probably going to turn into a wonderful sexy encounter.
Pryotra on 1 October 2012, 07:09 said:
You know, the ‘my momma had issues’ excuse isn’t a very good one. I don’t care is his mother was a Dalek, he is still something out of a horror novel. Besides, parental abuse really only works for a story when the character themselves is a child.
…
…
You somehow made it sound so much more disturbing than I bet the author did.
Tim on 1 October 2012, 10:50 said:
She wasn’t actually on crack, you understand. You’d call the number in the phone booth and one second later she’d be standing behind you with an MP5 and boot polish on her face going HUTHUTHUT.
swenson on 1 October 2012, 12:42 said:
Ah yes, but this is Ana. She’s a complete moron. Christian repeatedly tells her things bluntly and she somehow is incapable of processing them. It’s just absurd how stupid she is at times. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be for “tension” or to make her endearingly stupid or just to make sure the readers can keep up, but it’s terribly annoying.
That Makes Me Feel Angry
On a side note, isn’t it a good thing she didn’t decide to wander out naked?
Christian’s pockets are like the TARDIS, bigger on the inside, but it only works for condoms.
OF COURSE SHE IS.
That part was weird to me. I mean, weirder than the rest of the book. She can’t talk about the BDSM stuff, sure, but she can talk about him. She can say “his name is Christian Grey and he’s super-rich and kind of controlling and confuses me”. She could probably even say “and we have really great sex” if she wanted to, although that’s a weird thing to say to your mother. I know their entire relationship is based on BDSM and sex and therefore it’d be difficult to come up with anything else to say, but I feel like there’s some things she could say, at least.
If Ana wasn’t creeped out at this part, I was. When you’ve specifically discussed that you want to go on a trip because you need some space from your significant other, and your significant other follows you there, that is very, very creepy.
Licht on 1 October 2012, 12:58 said:
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you replace the word “vampire” with something else and don’t give a shit if it still makes sense afterwards.
HimochiIsAwesome on 1 October 2012, 13:32 said:
Wonderful for her. Probably freaky and facepalm inducing for us.
Prince O' Tea on 1 October 2012, 16:06 said:
When I read Harry Potter, I thought to myself “I don’t think there can ever be a more unlikable protagonist then the one here.”
Then out came Twilight.
And then… Fifty Shades of Grey.
Even Bella has more backbone then Anastasia. Seriously.
Asahel on 1 October 2012, 17:59 said:
Although I’m sure you’re right, that still doesn’t make sense. He said “the woman who brought me into this world” not “my mother,” so it can’t be Edward referring to Esme, and surely Edward’s birth mother was not a vampire, right?
HimochiIsAwesome on 1 October 2012, 18:08 said:
I think /earthworms/ have more backbone, to be honest.
Prince O' Tea on 1 October 2012, 20:20 said:
Point well made.
Epke on 4 October 2012, 13:17 said:
That might explain why Christian’s such a psycho. Much like alcohol, drugs can mess the foetus up.
This irks me. Just like the early description of Grey as “the epitome of male beauty”. So, he’s beautiful in every culture, to every ethnicity and to basically, everything with a pulse?
While wearing his recently purchased Scream-mask and brandishing a giant meat cleaver and breathing hoarsely into the phone. Can’t you just feel the love?
Licht on 4 October 2012, 19:35 said:
I’d guess that in the original it was meant to hint at his vampire mother, the woman who bit him. Even though technically he was “in this world” before, maybe the world he is referring to is that in which retarded, rich assholes like him/vampires live, which is clearly different from the world most of us know. It leaves enough room for Anastasia to interpret it wrong as him just not very much liking his birth mother and the shocking revelation once she finds out the truth.
He has to be. The books are sold in different countries and women all over the world need to be able to swoon over how beautiful he is. It’s easier to just declare him omni-beautiful than to actually try describing him in a way that makes him look attractive to many readers. Saves a lot of work.
On the other hand, it is written from Anastasia’s point of view and if you’re a morron in love you’re very likely to find your partner the most beautiful shiny thingy in existence.
Somehow this reminds me of the horror movie Wolf Creek and the moment in which that one girl’s spinal cord is cut and she is referred to as: “head on a stick”.
Prince O' Tea on 4 October 2012, 21:55 said:
“Good morning, Anastasia.”
“Holy fuck! What does he mean?” I thought to myself.
“Your change comes to five seventy” said the checkout girl, “do you have a reward card?”
“Holy fuck” I thought to myself, “what does she mean?”
“I would like to have sex with you, Anastasia” he purred, pointing to the prominent bulge in his tighty whities, where I had partially undone his jeans. “I want to fuck your brains out.”
“Holy fuck!” I wondered. “What does he mean?’
swenson on 4 October 2012, 22:16 said:
You’ve captured Ana’s voice so well! Surely you must be James in disguise!
Tim on 4 October 2012, 23:33 said:
I’ll make just one shante for accuracy.
Good morning, Anastasia.”
“Holy fuck! What does he mean?” I thought to myself, and we had an incredible simultaneous orgasm.
“Your change comes to five seventy” said the checkout girl, “do you have a reward card?”
“Holy fuck” I thought to myself, “what does she mean?” and we had an incredible simultaneous orgasm.
“I would like to have sex with you, Anastasia” he purred, pointing to the prominent bulge in his tighty whities, where I had partially undone his jeans. “I want to fuck your brains out.”
“Holy fuck!” I said, “You had a banana in there all along you cheesy little shit.”
Tim on 4 October 2012, 23:34 said:
*change, you stupid phone
Epke on 5 October 2012, 10:02 said:
Hahaha, ah, guys, you win all the internets! I hope that this becomes the tagline when the movie is out (and apparently, Ryan Gosling is a favourite): “50 Shades of Grey: Holy Fuck! What does he mean?”
Boo, it’s lazy writing, that’s what it is! It’s like in Breaking Dawn where the vampire-scientist-freaky-breeder Johann (a European name, so I’ll go with him being European) is beautiful to this Inka girl despite being dipped in bleach, red eyes and most likely having a facial structure that wasn’t/isn’t considered attractive to her culture.
Prince O' Tea on 5 October 2012, 16:20 said:
Holy shit, what does Tim mean? I thought to myself as we both had an incredible simultaneous orgasm. My inner goddess is jumping up and down with glee, like her favourite episode of Pocoyo is on.
HimochiIsAwesome on 5 October 2012, 18:00 said:
My computer showed some strange comments. Holy fuck, what do they mean? I thought, as me and the computer had simultaneous orgasms. My inner goddess was doing the Charleston with my subconscious, while my replacement identity, Stacy, watched disapprovingly, muttering about youth these days. Then, I realised my creepy stalker “lover” was watching me on my computer. I got a strange feeling, like a boner, except I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko and-
someone send help I’ve broken my brain somehowPrince O' Tea on 5 October 2012, 18:28 said:
OMG shut up u prep i bet u lissen to hillree durf and abril alavign
Tim on 7 October 2012, 03:24 said:
Max Payne understands.
Nate Winchester on 10 October 2012, 10:08 said:
No no no no no no no…
This is what the Mayan’s warned us about people!
HimochiIsAwesome on 10 October 2012, 10:26 said:
@Nate
Oh FUCK no.
I…
I think I’m dead inside.
Is there any cure for being dead inside?
swenson on 10 October 2012, 11:08 said:
I’m not reading that. Seeing where the URL led was bad enough.