Chapter Seventeen
They wake up and Grey is wrapped around her and extremely hot. Temperature and looks. He wakes up, realizes it’s late, pulls on some clothes, and reminds her that they’ll be together again on Sunday, when undoubtedly they’ll once again get down and dirty.
Grey leaves, Anastasia gets up, and after a bit she writes Grey an email about how she felt:
Well, during the whole alarming process, I felt demeaned, debased, and abused. And much to my mortification, you’re right, I was aroused, and that was unexpected (page 292).
Hmmm. That’s, uh. Probably not a good thing. Generally speaking people are submissives because they LIKE being submissive. It’s nice that Anastasia got wet, I guess, but I’m mostly concerned that she found the entire ordeal unpleasant and didn’t want it to happen again.
Anastasia adds that she felt uncomfortable and guilty and fires off the email. Grey, as we’ve just been informed, is on his way (late, in fact) to an important business meeting but he still has time to compose a well-crafted email response and email it back 19 minutes later. Maybe his driver is behind the wheel and Grey is emailing from his car’s built-in wifi. Or maybe he’s typing out this entire emails on his Blackberry, which means he’s ridiculously dedicated.
Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this? Two very different things. (page 293)
This is actually a great question, for Grey. It’s not unreasonable for Anastasia to feel some sense of shame or guilt based on societal expectations, or to feel that she SHOULD feel that way.
If that is how you feel, do you think you could just try to embrace these feelings, deal with them, for me? That’s what a submissive would do (page 293).
So, you know, if these sexual things make you uncomfortable, or guilty, or you feel ashamed of them, can you just, like, deal with it? For me?
God I fucking hate Christian Grey.
Blah blah, she calls him on being in a meeting, he admits that he’s in a meeting and it’s boring, she says she’ll think about embracing the feelings, he points out that she could have asked him to stop and used the safeword, which is technically true although Anastasia is pretty naïve and unused to this shit so maybe the proper thing would be to remind her ahead of time what the safewords are and that she can use them at any time.
They exchange some more emails where Grey is a control freak and Anastasia toys with him a little bit but always does what he says because she’s kind of passive. She heads off to work and after a bit a courier shows up with a package for Anastasia. Inside is a BlackBerry. She turns it on and unsurprisingly there’s an email from Grey.
I need to be able to contact you at all times, and since this is your most honest form of communication, I figured you needed a BlackBerry (page 299).
Why, precisely, does he need to be able to contact her at all times? After all, according to this lovely contract, she’s going to make herself available to be abused by him Friday evenings through Sunday afternoons. About two days per week. Why the fuck would Grey need to be able to contact her AT ALL TIMES? Except to be controlling.
I’d love it if Anastasia threw the fucking BlackBerry back into the package and told the courier to return to sender. Alternately, she could frisbee that piece of shit into the parking lot and let Grey know that she isn’t at his beck and call, but she doesn’t, because she is.
Taylor comes and gets her car to go sell it, and of course Anastasia doesn’t get in and do a few doughnuts just to show Grey what’s what. She and Kate pack up their house, Jose visits, Elliot comes over and he and Kate have loud sex so she and Jose go to the bar for a bit. Eventually Anastasia comes home and finds an email that says she said she would email him when she got home from work, and, you know, she didn’t. She checks her BlackBerry and there are five missed calls from Christian, because he’s a ridiculously paranoid, controlling douchenozzle.
They chat on the phone and of course Grey was WORRIED about her and she’s sorry and they talk and he sounds sad that he had a boring day and this makes Anastasia wish he were there so she could comfort him and the conversation winds down.
“You hang up,” I whisper. Finally, I sense his smile.
“No, you hang up.” And I know he’s grinning.
“I don’t want to.”
“Neither do I.” (page 306)
God, it’s like middle school all over again.
Anyway, we cut forward into Anastasia and Kate’s bitching new apartment in Seattle overlooking Pike Place Market. Apparently this is due to Kate’s parents who must have connections. And are probably footing a good chunk of the bill.
On Sunday she drives her new Audi to visit Grey. He has the doctor there, who apparently is the best ob-gyn in all of Seattle. Of course. Spared no expense.
And he says that his mother would like Anastasia to come with him to dinner that night. DUN DUN DUN.
Chapter Eighteen
So the ob-gyn spends some time thoroughly poking around in Anastasia’s box and they have a nice chat and decide on which birth control to use and Anastasia gets her prescription.
The doctor leaves, she and Grey have some salad for dinner, (with wine, because he wants to do things to her) and then things start heating up. She asks if he’s going to hit her, and he says yes, but not to hurt her.
Holy cow. He wants to hurt me… how do I deal with this? I can’t hide the horror on my face (page 317).
RUN.
Grey explains that put simply, he’s in it because he likes to give pain, however he understands that Anastasia doesn’t, so all he wants to do now is tie her up and fuck her senseless. They head into the Red Room of Pain and he takes all of her clothes off and then makes her kneel in a certain position while he changes into ripped-up jeans.
He chains her to the wall standing up and flicks her a bit with his riding crop, which is kind of amazing, even when he whacks her in the clitoris.
The shock runs through me, and it’s the sweetest, strangest, hedonistic feeling (page 323).
It goes on for a couple pages and he keeps flicking her in the clitoris with his riding crop until she has an amazing orgasm.
I come, gloriously, loudly, sagging weakly. His arms curl around me as my legs turn to jelly. I dissolve in his embrace, my head against his chest, and I’m mewling and whimpering as the aftershocks of my orgasm consume me (page 324).
I realize as a male in my mid-twenties I’m not exactly this book’s target audience, but this writing does nothing for me.
So they have sex standing up and it’s incredible, mind-blowing even, and they have an almost simultaneous orgasm. Once that’s done Anastasia wants to sleep but he won’t let her, yet. Instead he bends her over and has her hold onto a pole and they have more incredible sex which leads to a simultaneous orgasm. So that’s two shots of whiskey. Be right back.
Okay. Back.
Grey puts a robe on her and then takes her down to her room and puts her to bed and she falls asleep instantly.
Chapter Nineteen
Grey wakes her up a bit later when it’s time to leave to his parents’ house. Anastasia gets dressed and realizes her panties are missing and then remembers that Grey put them in his pocket after taking them off (and sniffing them). Then she realizes that he’s done it so she’ll have to ask for them back, and promptly resolves to NOT ask for them back and go to dinner at his parents’ while freeballing. Or whichever the female equivalent of freeballing is. Urban Dictionary says it’s going clamando, which I find rather nauseating.
She heads out, Grey is rather obviously waiting for her to say something but she refuses and eventually he accepts it and off they go.
As they drive, Anastasia thinks about her feelings.
Would I do it again? I can’t even pretend to put up an argument against that. Of course I would, if he asked me – as long as he didn’t hurt me and if it’s the only way to be with him (page 335).
THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING YOU FUCKING IDIOT.
Eventually they arrive at the mansion, roll inside and meet the rest of the Cullens – sorry, the Greys. His mom is a doctor and his younger sister is about Anastasia’s age and ridiculously bubbly and her name is Alice. Okay, technically it’s Mia. Whatever.
They chat about vacations and Anastasia mentions she’s going to Georgia for a few days to visit her mother, which makes Christian flip his shit.
Christian clutches my elbow, bring me to an abrupt halt.
“When were you going to tell me you were leaving?” he asks urgently. His tone is soft, but he’s masking his anger (page 339).
Seriously, for the love of Christ, Anastasia, put him in his fucking place.
She doesn’t.
He asks about their arrangement and she points out they don’t have an arrangement because no contract has been signed yet. Oh snap!
Dinner is eventually served and Christian is pissed and she asks him not to be mad at her, since, you know, there is no earthly reason why any sane, rational person would be pissed off by someone going to visit her mother. He says he’s not mad at her, then admits that he’s actually mad at her. Their whispering is noticed by Kate, who asks Anastasia how Jose was when she went to the bar with him the other day, ostensibly trying to make Christian jealous. It works.
Christian leans over.
“Palm-twitchingly mad,” he whispers. “Especially now.” His tone is quiet and deadly (page 341).
So, he’s manipulative, controlling, uses sex and the threat of violence to get his own way, insists on Anastasia always being at his beck and call and knowing all of the details of her whereabouts and that she check in with him constantly and tell him if she’s planning on going anywhere, and he gets angry when she tries to visit her friends and family.
If I ran this fucking asshole through an abusive relationship checklist he’d score off the charts.
As dinner progresses, Anastasia worries.
Will he punish me? I quail at the thought. I haven’t signed the contract yet. Perhaps I won’t. Perhaps I’ll stay in Georgia where he can’t reach me (page 342).
…I’m honestly running out of things to say about this.
After dinner Christian takes Anastasia on a tour of the grounds. She wants to take her shoes off but instead he picks her up, throws her shoulder, and starts carrying her to the boathouse. Anastasia asks why.
“Because I’m going to spank you and then fuck you.”
“Why?” I whimper softly.
“You know why,” he hisses (page 346).
Of course. Was it because she dared to think about visiting her mother in Georgia without telling him first, which isn’t mentioned in the contract she hasn’t signed? Or was it because she went to the bar with a friend of hers, which isn’t mentioned in the contract she hasn’t signed?
God, this book is hot.
Prince O' Tea on 26 September 2012, 07:32 said:
Oh for fuck’s sake Anastasia.
Grow a fucking spine. Drop his blackberry in the harbour, and tell him if he tries to spank you again you’ll bite his dick off. Please find a happy medium between “passive aggressive sassy conceited bitch” and “wet-tissue paper for a backbone snivelling needy dimwit”.
On the plus side, there was no mention of those obnoxious assholes, the Inner Goddess and the Subconscious in this spork. This is a good thing.
Also the whole “you hang up” “no u” “u” “U!!!” is only cute if you’re one of the two people engaged in that conversation. For anyone watching, it’s fucking annoying. The only thing that’s more stomach churning is the horrible slimy wet sound people make when they kiss in movies. It’s supposed to be sexy, but just makes me taste the last thing I ate again.
Prince O' Tea on 26 September 2012, 07:36 said:
On the other hand, you can’t really blame Christian in this.
I know I want to physically hurt Ana every time she unclenches her thought-spinchter.
Rorschach on 26 September 2012, 10:07 said:
Well, her inner goddess was mentioned four or five times but it’s so stupid I just ignore it.
swenson on 26 September 2012, 10:25 said:
This is the only possible way to read the book. The Inner Goddess may possibly get worse in the second book, but maybe that was just my imagination. Don’t add her to the drinking game, though. There’s simply not enough alcohol in the world.
Anyway, why, exactly, is Ana freaking out so much about him hurting her? Isn’t that kind of something they went over already, like a thousand times? She knows this is a BDSM thing. She did the whole internet searching stuff, which had to have been… eye-opening for her. She has got to be aware at this point that yes, things like spanking and caning and whatnot do typically involve pain.
SO WHY DOES SHE KEEP GOING “no wai he wants to hurt me”?!!!! I can kind of understand if it’s one of those things where it’s just starting to sink in, like “this is really happening, do I really want this?” But it’s not presented that way, and she just keeps going over it and over it and over it and blah blah blah I hate her so much.
Also, I know tastes vary, but despite what a lot of guys think, getting hit in the genitals hurts for women too. Maybe not as much, although there’s obviously no way to compare it, but still.
swenson on 26 September 2012, 10:30 said:
Forgot to mention, we’re coming up to one of my least favorite parts of this book, at least of the ones that I remember! The Georgia part is just so monumentally retarded.
Rorschach on 26 September 2012, 10:38 said:
but….they make with the sexy times! And there’s GLIDING.
PeddlingSalmon on 26 September 2012, 10:55 said:
Sooo… Does this actually have a plot?
swenson on 26 September 2012, 11:18 said:
I DON’T WANNA THINK ABOUT IT.
Surprisingly, yes! Well, sort of. It has a very minor conflict in the last couple of pages that is almost immediately resolved in the second book. Then there’s a much more major conflict that arrives late in the second book… and is almost immediately resolved in about two chapters. Then a MAJOR conflict appears in like the last paragraph. Even I’m not masochistic enough to have actually read the third book yet, but I’m willing to bet it doesn’t get any better.
Oh, and for giggles, you know how most books have a plot diagram like this?
Fifty Shades of Stupidhead is basically like this:
________________/
You have nothing happening forever, and then you have a very minor conflict, and then the book ends.
Epke on 26 September 2012, 11:58 said:
Let me just get some paper and wipe the blood from my eyes…
The last bit, where they arrive at his parents’ house and the whole “Why didn’t you tell me?!?!” thing just left a bad, bad taste in my mouth. It was like a mandatory spousal abuse episode of Criminal Minds or CSI starring Abusive Husband With a Control Complex and “I Deserve It” Wife.
I’m going to wash off now. Just… this is NOT sexy, James.
Betty Cross on 26 September 2012, 13:35 said:
.bq The Georgia part is just so monumentally retarded.
I know! What’s she going to see in Georgia? Atlanta? Civil War battlefields? The beaches at Jekyll Island? Historic Savannah?
I lived in Georgia for 40 years. There’s a lot a vacationer can do there, but here it’s left totally vague. Did EL James throw a dart at a map of the USA?
Licht on 26 September 2012, 14:44 said:
I wonder who is.
And how.
And why.
And for how long.
Ignoring everything that makes this book as unsexy as possible, no one can possibly expect me to be turned on by the image of jelly legs. I know it’s a common metaphor, but it’s still a stupid one, especially in context.
btw. is there already Fifty Shades of Grey fanfiction?
Tim on 26 September 2012, 14:57 said:
I believe the phrase “going commando” applies to either sex if you require one. And that Urbandictionary tends to provide you with terms made up by twelve year old boys who have had their sense of humour surgically removed.
Kyllorac on 26 September 2012, 17:57 said:
@swenson
Well, if you take “climax” in a different context…
(I’m sorry.)
Prince O' Tea on 26 September 2012, 18:00 said:
Being hit with a riding crop is a pretty unpleasant experience even if it’s just on your arm or leg. On your clitoris? Pretty much every female friend who I’ve told about this scene gives me a complete look of absolute horror (and quickly crosses their legs). Most of my female friends insist that it’s painful if you wipe too hard down there.
Fanfiction of fanfiction? Where will it end?
Licht on 26 September 2012, 18:56 said:
It’s like the man who paints a man that paints a man that paints a man…
Tim on 26 September 2012, 19:00 said:
With people shipping page 47 being next to page 14 because 14 is too good for that hussy 15.
Prince O' Tea on 29 September 2012, 16:38 said:
Let’s see, on one hand we have our heroine, a needy, insecure, snivelling, spineless little attention whore who aside from pointless passive aggressive bitchyness, refuses to ever stand up for herself. On the other hand we have a self-loathing, controlling, paranoid, possesive abusive billionaire with severe mommy issues, who uses his money and sex appeal to convince people to do whatever he wants, and when that doesn’t work, he uses outright intimidation and actual violence. They have no conversations about anything other then sex, and whenever they encounter a problem, they just fuck instead of talking about it.
What could possibly go wrong? This is a beautiful, romantic relationship that should be held up as an ideal. I mean, aside from the fact that in real life, it would end up with our heroine in several bin bags buried in the middle of nowhere.
Nate Winchester on 12 October 2012, 16:02 said:
But… they’ve ‘done it’ several times before this.
Geez, these two are so stupid I think they deserve each other.
So it’s very true to its source material.
Fanfiception.
swenson on 12 October 2012, 16:29 said:
Always with a condom, though. James is very, very sure to mention this every single time.
I can say with no hesitation whatsoever that I far prefer Twilight to this.
Nate Winchester on 12 October 2012, 17:15 said:
@Swenson:
Gee, can’t imagine how I’ve forgotten details about this. ;)
Also, I don’t blame you at all for preferring Twilight. Heck, this book almost seems like a “take that” at everyone complaining about the lack of overt sex in the original.
(now I’m imagining Meyer going “bwahahaha, I warned you all!”)
Licht on 13 October 2012, 14:51 said:
It’s not bad because it has sex. It’s bad because it is badly written and has badly written, stupid sex.
Nate Winchester on 13 October 2012, 18:55 said:
@Licht, yeah, that’s what I was trying to imply and failed at. A sort of: “Meyer is a bad writer, Everything she DID write about was horrible. So we should be thankful she didn’t bother trying to write other things which would have been even worse.”
Licht on 13 October 2012, 22:28 said:
To be fair, sex in writing is seldom good. It’s probably one of the hardest things to write well.
Nate Winchester on 13 October 2012, 22:57 said:
Very true. Probably why it’s best for many authors to neither show nor tell it. Like horror, some things are better left to readers’ imaginations. ;-)