Chapter Fifteen

Grey comes over and sees the box of expensive books Anastasia packed up to return to him. They argue about whether or not she can return them. He says that as a submissive, she just needs to accept whatever he gives her. Anastasia says fine, since they’re hers, she wants to give them to a charity to auction off.

“If that’s what you want to do.” His mouth sets into a hard line. He’s disappointed (page 251).

James. WE GET IT. All you need is the line about his mouth setting and we understand that he’s disappointed. You don’t need to show us AND tell us. Get a goddamn editor.

They start drinking wine and talking. Anastasia reveals that she has a couple interviews at Seattle publishing houses and he’s not all that happy that she didn’t tell him, because he’s a manipulative control freak. She refuses to tell him what publishing houses they are because she doesn’t want him influence them as to whether she gets the job or not, which seems perfectly reasonable.

After he asks her about whether she ate, Anastasia rolls her eyes.

“Next time you roll your eyes at me, I will take you across my knee.” (page 255)

Yawn.

They start talking about soft limits. She doesn’t want to be fisted, and:

“Anal intercourse doesn’t exactly float my boat.”

“I’ll agree to the fisting, but I’d really like to claim your ass, Anastasia. But we’ll wait for that. Besides, it’s not something we can dive into.” He smirks at me. “Your ass will need training.” (page 256)

Sweet, so if she has problems with something, but Grey really wants it, then they’ll just save that for later. That’s fair. Also, I’m not sure if James has ever actually had anal sex, but you don’t need training. Just patience, and lube.

…I just realized that I’m critically analyzing an author’s understanding of the mechanics of anal sex. My life choices have led me here.

Grey explains that it can be very pleasurable. He knows, because Mrs. Robinson packed his fudge.

Holy shit… how? I frown (page 256).

With a strap-on, presumably. How did you get through college this naïve, Anastasia?

She consents to the use of different toys, and different types of bondage, and different ways of being tied up. Anastasia gets drunker as they go on and on, but that’s Grey for you. Ply them with alcohol and they’ll consent to anything.

They talk about different types of pain. Anastasia was never spanked as a child so she really doesn’t have a frame of reference. Grey explains that caning hurts the most.

“We can work up to that.”

“Or not do it at all,” I whisper.

“This is part of the deal, baby, but we’ll work up to all of this.” (page 260)

Hot.

Finally, Grey says that outside of the time when she’s his sub, they could try. You know. Dating? Being in a relationship? He’s not sure if it will work, but he’s willing to try. OMG. Anastasia Steele is just so special that he’s willing to try and have a relationship! I bet it’s going to work out for them in the end. Anastasia is ecstatic, and Grey says it’s on one condition, that she accept his graduation present. He leads her outside and it’s a new Audi. Anastasia is rather embarrassed and also a little pissed off, but she agrees to accept it on loan, like the laptop.

He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the other fisting in my hair (page 262).

How do you fist in someone’s hair?

“It’s taking all of my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car,” he growls (page 262).

And with that, they head inside to have sex.

My subconscious is behind the sofa again, head hidden under her hands (page 262).

That doesn’t sound good.

“Please don’t be angry with me,” I whisper.

His gaze is impassive, his eyes cold shards of smoky glass.

“I’m sorry about the car and the books…” I trail off. He remains silent and brooding. “You scare me when you’re angry.” (page 262).

See, the thing about BDSM relationships, healthy ones, is that they are built on mutual trust and respect. Both partners are willing, they understand what they both want, and they’re in the relationship because that is what makes them happy, or it gets them where they need to be. This isn’t a healthy relationship, and it certainly isn’t a healthy BDSM relationship. This is built around fear, intimidation, manipulation, and alcohol-fueled consent.

Grey’s expression softens, they get naked, her nipples pucker, there’s foreplay, Anastasia’s mouth drops open, her inner goddess wants to explode, and eventually she puts the condom on him and they have incredible mind-blowing sex that ends in yet another simultaneous orgasm.

Chapter Sixteen

She wakes up and touches his glorious muscular chest, which makes Grey grab her hand.

“Don’t,” he murmurs, then kisses me lightly.

“Why don’t you like to be touched?” I whisper, staring up into soft gray eyes.

“Because I’m fifty shades of fucked up, Anastasia.” (page 269)

And by ‘touching’ I guess that means when Anastasia puts her hand somewhere on his body. Except her touching his penis is fine. And touching his head is fine. And his hand is fine. And holding onto his arm is fine. And she can touch him through his clothes when she takes his clothes off, that’s fine. And I guess when their bodies touch, you know, when that happens when you have sex, that’s also fine. But apparently if her HAND touches his CHEST, that is not fine. You’d think Anastasia might wonder about this, or maybe ask for clarification since he’s being really fucking confusing. I mean, it’s perfectly naturally for Grey to have some sort of trigger since he was abused as a kid. And let’s say that his specific trigger is when someone’s hand touches his chest. I really don’t have a problem with that, but why the fuck doesn’t he just say “Please do not touch my chest” so she knows it and can avoid it?

Anyway, he asks her when her period is due, because he hates wearing condoms, and then tells her she needs to sort out some contraceptives.

“Do you have a doctor?”

I shake my head (page 271).

She’s TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD and she doesn’t have a gynecologist? Good lord.

He says he can bring his doctor to see her at her place or at his, and Anastasia decides on his so she can see him. There’s some more playful banter which is playful in that borderline creepy way:

“You’d kidnap me?”

“Oh yes.” He grins.

“Hold me against my will?” Jeez, this is hot (page 272).

Except for the borderline part.

Blah blah, Anastasia rolls her eyes, and Grey points out that he said if she did that again he was going to spank her. He bends her over and pulls down her sweatpants. And remember all that talk about how the pain isn’t that bad?

He hits me again and again, quickly in succession. Holy fuck it hurts. I make no sound, my face screwed up against the pain. I try to wriggle away from the blows – spurred on by adrenaline spiking and coursing through my body (page 274).

That definitely sounds like it’s for Anastasia’s pleasure.

He spanks her eighteen times, and the last eight hurt enough to make her cry out in pain, and she wants him to stop but she doesn’t because she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction, which sounds healthy.

Then they have sex which ends it yet ANOTHER simultaneous orgasm…hang on, I’m going to do a shot. Actually a double shot. That’s the best way to get through this piece of shit. Doubles every time they have a simultaneous orgasm.

He tells her well done.

I’m so pleased that he’s happy (page 276).

Hoo boy.

Grey finds some baby oil and rubs it into her behind. No, I’m not joking. Then he leaves and Anastasia calls her mom and starts crying because she’s fallen for a guy but he’s so different and she’s not sure if it’s going to work out. This goes on for awhile, and eventually Kate gets home and gets pissed off at Grey because he upset Anastasia again. Anastasia tells her it’s not like that so they share some wine, she asks Kate about her day, and Kate immediately forgets about Anastasia and starts chattering about what happened to her. You know, I’m not sure Kate actually gives a fuck about anyone else. She does a good job of faking it but I think she’s pretty self-absorbed.

She gets an email ordering her to take Advil and not to drive her car again. They exchange some email. Grey says that he’ll get Taylor to take her car off to sell it and get a good deal on it as well. Anastasia says she’s not even sure she likes him anymore, because he never stays with her, and then she turns the computer off, gets into bed, and finally starts sobbing into her pillow.

After a bit she hears a commotion out in the apartment. It’s Kate having a screaming match with Grey, who apparently just walked in and then barges into Anastasia’s room because he has no respect for privacy. Kate asks Anastasia if she wants her to throw Grey – who Kate refers to as ‘this asshole’, which warms my heart – out, but Anastasia says no.

They talk. Anastasia didn’t like the spanking and doesn’t want it to happen again. Grey explains that she wasn’t meant to like it. Of course, after all it’s not like all of this is for Anastasia’s pleasure…oh wait.

She asks him why he likes it, and he explains that he likes the control it gives him and it turns him on to see her in pain. Then he asks why she can be so direct and blunt via email but never in person. Anastasia explains that he beguiles and overwhelms her, which makes him gasp. Then he says that it’s the other way around…she has completely bewitched him, which makes her inner goddess stare openmouthed. It’s very romantic.

Anyway, he agrees to stay, he gets in her bed, they spoon and fall asleep.

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Comment

  1. Prince O' Tea on 20 September 2012, 08:07 said:

    Fisting her hair?

    Fisting her hair?

    FISTING HER FUCKING HAIR?!!?

    I mean it’s not like it’s even accidental. James just mentioned it a few sentences before, and then misuses the word right afterwards. So she doesn’t even have the excuse of not really being familiar with the term.

    My subconscious is behind the sofa again, head hidden under her hands (page 262).

    Great her subconscious is acting like a child in a made for tv movie about domestic violence.

    Someone also needs to tell James that if something actually is hot or at least is meant to be hot, having a character say things like “omg this is so hawt u guiz” or “holy cow this is hot” or “holy crap this is so erotic I could frig myself daft over the thought of it:, it stops being hot. In fact, it’s the fastest way to turn a hot into a not-hot.

    I would say James is the master of the mood killer, but that would be implying she has a mood to kill in the first place.

  2. swenson on 20 September 2012, 08:29 said:

    Doubles every time they have a simultaneous orgasm.

    And here I thought you were going to die from the Maradonia drinking game.

    James is excellent at killing the mood, I do agree. Anything and everything must have insipid commentary on it by Ana the Moron. If you’re going to have SUPER HAWWT SEXAY TIEMS, please have the characters shut up about how super hawwt the aforementioned sexay tiems are and let the reader just… you know, enjoy reading the super hawwt sexay tiems.

  3. Prince O' Tea on 20 September 2012, 08:38 said:

    Show not tell probably applies to sexytimes most of all. If it’s sexy, the audience will know. If something is sexy, telling the audience that yes, it is indeed sexy, makes it less sexy. Especially if you have Ana squealing about it like a 12 year old finding One Direction merchandise at Wal Mart.

  4. Tim on 20 September 2012, 09:48 said:

    Summary of, hell, the entire goddamn series.

    Oh he is so handsome and buff and dangerous and handsome.
    I’D LIKE TO CLAIM YOUR ASS

  5. Prince O' Tea on 20 September 2012, 09:53 said:

    Sure, Ana, it’s all fun and games until he convinces you to let him put a gerbil in your asshole and a goldfish in your cooch.

  6. Asahel on 20 September 2012, 10:45 said:

    He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the other fisting in my hair (page 262).

    So, wait… Did he just give her a noogie?

  7. Epke on 20 September 2012, 11:43 said:

    He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the other fisting in my hair (page 262).He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the other fisting in my hair (page 262)

    CollegeHumor reference? Except that was a ponytail…

    I get that James wants to play up the “Ana is so innocent and naïve” card, but honestly, she’s 22 and doesn’t have a gynaecologist (or even an ordinary doctor), can’t figure out how Grey knows that anal feels good* (here’s a hint: he’s so far in the closet, he’s having tea with Mr Tumnus!) and is so happy that her not-really-a-boyfriend-person is willing to go out with her, when he’s not, you know, screwing her brains out, smacking her around or plying her with wine so she’ll consent to things she probably wouldn’t when sober. There’s realism, there’s idealised realism and then there’s bullshit.
    And what kind of guy asks about his girlfriend’s (who is more or less a toy at this point) period? Invasive.

    I would however, like to point out that I like Kate so far. In a lot of YA novels, the best friend is shunted aside as soon as the Love Interest appears and just pops out when convenient: here, Kate actually has a spine (and a voice!), so, kudos for that, James.

    *Which is different for men and women. When a guy is on the receiving end, the prostate gets rubbed and it is a great source of pleasure. I’m not a med student, but I’m pretty sure women don’t have a pleasure spot there.

  8. Tim on 20 September 2012, 12:07 said:

    I don’t have the right equipment to check (and if I did I doubt I’d want to), but Wikipedia say that yes, women do have things back there that can be stimulated (clitoral legs (?) and G spot, it say here) but probably won’t achieve orgasm through anal sex alone.

  9. Epke on 20 September 2012, 15:33 said:

    The more you know (and in this case, a little bit uncomfortable knowing).

  10. Pryotra on 20 September 2012, 17:28 said:

    …Let’s keep this on a ‘need to know’ basis.

  11. Prince O' Tea on 20 September 2012, 18:26 said:

    I agree, I like Kate, even when James has shoved a thesaurus in her mouth so her dialogue comes out wanky and stilted.

    Kate seems to look out for the undeserving Ana. Ana on the other hand, cannot keep her passive-aggressive bullshit to herself (for once) and pretty much would have ruined Kate’s super-important-interview with Christian, if this existed in a literary universe where things actually made sense. Ana can, quite frankly, go eat a bag of dicks. Which she probably will do, since toys are one of the things on the she pretty much agreed to without a fight.

  12. Kyllorac on 20 September 2012, 22:13 said:

    She’s TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD and she doesn’t have a gynecologist? Good lord.

    It’s not unheard of, actually. Having a person looking up your vagina and prodding about in there with cold metal tools is not exactly comforting. Especially if the local gynecologist is male.

    Getting one’s ladyparts looked at is traumatizing enough in concept.

    Anyway, gynecologists aren’t the only type of doctors that prescribe birth control. And considering the question was “Do you have a doctor?” and not “Do you have a gynecologist?”, it sounds like Ana is not the type to go in for regular check-ups.

    Are we really that surprised?

  13. Minoan Ferret on 21 September 2012, 02:12 said:

    He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the other fisting in my hair (page 262).

    Pubic hair?

  14. Tim on 21 September 2012, 04:34 said:

    I think it’s just a case of reaching for the word “grasping” and missing completely, or trying to be suggestive with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the dick.

  15. Pnikkis on 21 September 2012, 14:07 said:

    So this was the part Team 4 Star did a dramatic reading on with Doug Walker. Damn, I wish they’d done that “I wan’t to claim your ass line.” Nappa saying it would have been so hilarious.

  16. Prince O'Tea on 21 September 2012, 20:05 said:

    I really wish this was a third person novel, and not a first person. Because fitting Ana with a ballgag would give us some respite from her snivelling, squawking and chirping for a few blessed pages.

  17. Forest Purple on 22 September 2012, 11:59 said:

    But of course, Twilight was in first person, setting the path for the twenty bazillion or so copies ahead of it.
    Can’t James realize there’s nothing interesting in Ana’s thoughts? As soon as Grey is introduced to the story, all semblance of other brain activity stops, leaving only the musings over whether Grey likes her or not,or what Grey thinks about what she’s doing. He’s like some kind of thought vampire.

    That would be a story a million times better than Twilight (and by default, twenty million times better than Fifty Shades).

  18. Prince O'Tea on 22 September 2012, 12:05 said:

    Some sort of brain parasite, or an incubus that operates by slowly eroding his victim’s thoughts and personality bit by bit, until there is nothing left but a hollow husk that has no thoughts except to jump his bones constantly and slavishly obsess over satisfying his every whim in order to please him and make him more likely to reward them with sexytime?

    You know, I’m surprised they haven’t used incubi in the flood of “supernatural abusive asshole” romances that have surged in after Twilight’s success. You’d think an incubus would be a no-brainer, over say a fallen angel. Or is that just the wrong side of the “chaste yet slutty” angle these books go for, and 50 Shades of Grey averts that by being aimed at horny housewives rather then depressed teenage girls?

  19. Epke on 22 September 2012, 12:42 said:

    Mmm, I think the problem with using incubi (not that some authors would realise it) is that they are demons: they’re bad from the start and it is their nature to be bad and eat people and blah blah. Whereas vampires, who are “evil”, still retain their humanity if they so choose, and fallen angels are… well, they were good at some point and the Good Boy Gone Bad (as in Dean Martin bad) shpiel is apparently every teenage girl’s dream. Plus an incubus is a sexual being, and as we have all seen, the supernatural half of the Greatest Couple Ever must always be a prude.

    That said, a story about an incubus who falls for a human and yearns to be good and struggles with his nature and desires would be a good read. Bit on the Anne Rice side of things, but still. That’s assuming someone who isn’t a Twilight fanfic writer gets hold of it, of course.

  20. Pryotra on 22 September 2012, 12:48 said:

    Well…

    Er…

    Vampires are, in the folklore sense…corpses possessed by demons, so really, an incubis makes as much sense as anything else. They’re kind of a step up from zombie, but the more modern authors seem to have forgotten that. Buffy was right.

    Plus an incubus is a sexual being, and as we have all seen, the supernatural half of the Greatest Couple Ever must always be a prude.

    Didn’t stop Patch. Seriously, that guy practically talked in sexual innuendos.

    Oh, and according to legend Merlin’s dad was an incubis. Or the Devil. Which would make him a sort of Anti-Antichrist.

    That said, a story about an incubus who falls for a human and yearns to be good and struggles with his nature and desires would be a good read.

    Handled well, I think you’re right. It could really, really be a good story. Though in the current paranormal romance climate…

  21. Prince O'Tea on 22 September 2012, 19:51 said:

    ZOMG HOT BISHIES INCUBUS YAOI BUTTSECKS

    And now we’ve found our market!

  22. Epke on 22 September 2012, 21:06 said:

    I think the folkloric vampires (if memory serves, Slavic regions) were corpses that were possessed by evil spirits rather than demons, but that may or may not be splitting words. The modern vampire (starting with Bram Stoker, reaching its climax with Anne Rice and now dealing with the afterbirth we call Twilight) is formerly a human, now turned (and sometimes actually dead) into a different being – keeping the soul varies depending on setting. And since we haven’t seen folkloric vampires (can’t cross streams, only pops up from unholy graves, start siring little demon babies who lack bones…) in… ever… it sort of feels like a moot point.

    Hmm… but Merlin was good(ish), so I guess that weighs up his demonic heritage? I have no idea.

    @Prince, you should write that! And illustrate!

  23. Prince O' Tea on 23 September 2012, 14:32 said:

    I will do that, but only if Ben Whishaw and Andrew Garfield play the human and his abusive incubus boyfriend in the film.

  24. Pryotra on 23 September 2012, 15:11 said:

    And since we haven’t seen folkloric vampires (can’t cross streams, only pops up from unholy graves, start siring little demon babies who lack bones…) in… ever… it sort of feels like a moot point.

    But…I really, really want to see them!

    It would be so much cooler than these stupid pansy vampires that we’ve got now.

  25. Tim on 24 September 2012, 18:52 said:

    And since we haven’t seen folkloric vampires (can’t cross streams

    That’s not vampires, it’s Ghostbusters that can’t do that.

  26. Prince O' Tea on 24 September 2012, 19:26 said:

    I just want vampires that do INTERESTING things with their immortality.

    Besides, you know, perpetually repeat high school so they can forever pose as the cool kids.

  27. Betty Cross on 24 September 2012, 19:29 said:

    I just want vampires that do INTERESTING things with their immortality.

    Besides, you know, perpetually repeat high school so they can forever pose as the cool kids.

    Isn’t that what Ed Cullen was doing at Forks High School?

  28. Tim on 24 September 2012, 19:44 said:

    I just want vampires that do INTERESTING things with their immortality.

    Though not Lords of Shadow, god that game was stupid.

  29. Kyllorac on 24 September 2012, 21:30 said:

    I am still disappointed that Circle of the Moon was removed from the series timeline. It’s my favorite, and the gameplay was just perfect. Normally collection-driven systems drive me insane, but the cards actually dropped at a decent rate, and the combination system really allowed for flexibility. Unlike that stupid souls system. Which you don’t even really need to exploit with how easy Aria of Sorrow is. And don’t get me started on the issues with the story.

    /off-topic rambling

  30. Tim on 25 September 2012, 05:55 said:

    Aria’s plot is a very valuable lesson about how you shouldn’t be ashamed of being Dracula. Being Dracula is a part of who you are, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. The real enemy is Intolerance.

    This and Soma make it the most fabulous of the Castlevania games.

    Plot-wise Lawds is miles worse, including such wonders as not being able to use the phrase “Lords of Light” for the entire first third of the game because it’s so godawfully obvious the Lords of Shadow had something to do with them, a Christian holy order in a timeline that means the founders might have actually met Moses, and ridiculous cod-environmentalist nonsense where we’re supposed to be sad that goblins that throw grenades and giant hideous spiders will soon be extinct because MAN. :(

    Also Gabriel failing to recognise one of his order’s founders despite that Zobek is using his real name and is disguised as himself.

  31. Prince O' Tea on 25 September 2012, 07:07 said:

    Yes, that’s exactly what the Cullen brood chose to do with their immortality. Spend their immortality on the “cool kids” table, silently lording it over the non-sparkling plebs.

  32. VikingBoyBilly on 26 September 2012, 17:21 said:

    Grey likes buttsecks just like Chris-Chan =D

  33. Tim on 26 September 2012, 17:39 said:

    I’D LIKE TO RECLAIM MY ASS

  34. Prince O' Tea on 26 September 2012, 20:45 said:

    Fifty Shades of Grey: The Tomgirl Saga Part 1: JUUULAAAAAYYYYYY

  35. Kyllorac on 26 September 2012, 21:16 said:

    Soma make it the most fabulous of the Castlevania games.

    You sound like a fangirl. ;P

    Plot-wise Lawds is miles worse

    Honestly, I haven’t had a chance to play Lords, so I’ll have to take your word for it. Though it sounds hilariously bad. And now I’m going to have to hunt down a copy and and working console and play it to see for myself. Or an LP. I think the LP would be more entertaining…

  36. Nate Winchester on 12 October 2012, 08:41 said:

    Show not tell probably applies to sexytimes most of all. If it’s sexy, the audience will know. If something is sexy, telling the audience that yes, it is indeed sexy, makes it less sexy. Especially if you have Ana squealing about it like a 12 year old finding One Direction merchandise at Wal Mart.

    Not just sexytimes, but all emotions. Feelings are like those optical illusions. If you try an examine them directly, they vanish/evaporate/etc. You can only “see” them out of the corner of your eye. Likewise in stories any time you outright make an emotion explicit, it doesn’t work, you must always imply them.

    You know, I’m surprised they haven’t used incubi in the flood of “supernatural abusive asshole” romances that have surged in after Twilight’s success. You’d think an incubus would be a no-brainer, over say a fallen angel. Or is that just the wrong side of the “chaste yet slutty” angle these books go for, and 50 Shades of Grey averts that by being aimed at horny housewives rather then depressed teenage girls?

    Oh there’s plenty on the internet. Uh… so I’ve heard. Unless you want to risk typing in “incubus” and “story” into google at the same time.

    Which would make him a sort of Anti-Antichrist.

    Fixed. ;-)

  37. HimochiIsAwesome on 12 October 2012, 11:09 said:

    Unless you want to risk typing in “incubus” and “story” into google at the same time.

    Oh, now I’m curious.

    Moments Later

    Oh my God my eyes somebody help!

  38. swenson on 12 October 2012, 11:19 said:

    I did it too, but I was too frightened to actually click on any of the links.