We’re over with the All Knowing and Eos and Xanthippe are talking about stuff. It’s a little confusing, and would probably still be confusing even if the missing words were there.

“Make mind,” Xanthippe said powerfully, not allowing his own emotions to take control of his voice for my. “That the persons who have survived these trying times must never speak of the sights of this disaster, happening, or even we, the Angels. We must not exist to these new children until the time is dire once more.” (loc. 2272)

That is exactly as it’s written.

Anyway, Xanthippe may have done something bad so he has Media the bubbly time traveler seal him in a tomb? And also the Japanese twins are there.

Over to Lady Rowan, who seems to know something about what is going on, so she writers a letter to an old friend named Zosime. After a bit Zosime shows up. She has velvet black hair and vibrant aquamarine eyes. We move to Zosime’s POV. They chat about a “dark book”, and that someone named Fell Nerr Zu San Vech has been resurrected through the blood of Non. I am so incredibly confused right now. We don’t know who any of these people are or what they want and Breanna is name-dropping new individuals so fast I can’t even keep track of the different factions here. This is why it’s handy to have a character in the plot who is new to situations so they can figure things out along with the audience, or, you know, just drop into an authorial aside and spell things out.

They have tea and talk and decide to go to a weapons shop in Dibujar.

Over to Blair’s mom who realizes that Blair has become an Elf. See, when young women transform into Elves, they release a lot of energy, which the book helpfully tells us is “unexplainable”. You could just say it involves a burst of magic which can be sensed by many creatures? Anyway:

Filthy creatures will be swarming from all corners of the region, attracted by her sweet aroma (loc. 2371).

So…are they attracted by the burst of energy or the fact that Blair smells like crushed pine needles?

Blair’s mom is worried:

Perhaps it may had been more effective to have had told her as a child what she would become (loc. 2374).


Over to Blair, who is back to Blair even though she was just Harlow. She is filled with angst. She shouts “why” and beats on Roswell’s bloody chest and eventually she becomes calm. She packs up all their supplies and attaches their four K-weapons to her “hilt” which doesn’t make any sense, maybe it’s supposed to say belt? Then we get this:

As I left the tent, I peered over at Roswell’s bloody corpse askew by the feline beast that slew him with a certain abhorrence and without thought or effort I uttered fiercely with no real motive, no notion (loc. 2387).

That sentence is just…awful.

The word Blair says is “equin” even though she doesn’t know what it means, but it makes the bodies burst into flame, because she can do magic now, see? I’m really not a fan of characters getting awesome magical powers without even studying and being able to use these powers without knowing what to do or what words to say. It’s narratively and dramatically unsatisfying, and it gives the character the ability to deus ex machina their way out of any situation. Why should we be worried about Blair when we know her magical powers could randomly kick in at any moment?

We jump to Darian who is still hallucinating and still talking in baby talk for reasons that aren’t clear. He arrives in Trabajador and gets into a fight with a big troll man and punches a hole in the troll’s chest. Seriously. Apparently Darian has superpowers now. Darian gets a vile (I think it’s supposed to be a vial) and fills it with troll’s blood, which is good for healing. Okay.

Many eyes watch us as we’s step to the bench and we’s pick up buck weed powder and put some in, then molasses and ginger root juice then put the glass to we’s lips and drank every drop that we’s could get. The bitter juice dribbled down we’s mouth (page 2404).

God this is annoying.

Darian picks up a nearby scythe and whirls around chopping the heads off a bunch of innocent bystanders for no reason. People run but he murders them all. Then some hooded figures come up and beat him up and then they vanish. Okay. This storyline is incredibly compelling.

Over to Blair’s mom, Nani Anne, who arrives in Trabajador and follows the trail of corpses to Darian, who is still tripping balls. She explains that he can’t have “pretty baby Harly” because…well, Blair is his sister.


Nani Anne explains:

“I am an Elf from Yelle Yaxle. I knew I needed a daughter to assume the throne. So when you were born, I claimed miscarriage and gave you away. I am sorry, but I had to. When I had Harlow, I had to ensure that the two of you could be married and before you could consummate the marriage, I would take you away and tell you of your relation and we would return to Yelle Yaxle to rightfully rule.” (loc. 2435)

Okay. I’ll accept that she needs a daughter for some reason. Why did she have to give Darian away? Is she not allowed to have a male child, or more than one kid? And why the fuck does she need them to get married and then intervene before they can bump uglies? This doesn’t make sense.

Darian doesn’t believe her and attacks. Nani Anne picks up a bat and smashes his face in. Darian goes flying, blood spraying everywhere, picks himself up, snaps his broken nose back into place, and attacks again. Jesus fucking Christ. Where did these characters get their superpowers?

They fight for a bit and eventually Nani Anne grabs the scythe away from Darian with her feet, because she has opposable toes. Darian says that she will die now at the hands of the King of Elves. Okay…I guess that is supposed to be him?

He pointed his palms at me, fingers up-pointed. The skin opened and two sharp projectile blades came flying out (loc. 2458).

Okay. So Darian has Wolverine-esque dartguns inside his hands. That…makes sense.

They hit Nani Anne and she sinks dramatically to the ground and dies while narrating that she is now dead.

Over to Hippolyte, who has a wacky speech impediment where she can’t say “d” or “th” and so her speech is full of dozens of apostrophes. I’m not joking.

Fortunately, I ha’ a power ‘at I coul’ use in my a’vantage. I coul’ easily alter the aci’ity of any li’ui’ wi’ a single tou’h (loc. 2466).

It makes reading this section very enjoyable. Fortunately, nothing happens.

Over to Roswell, who is not fucking dead. Goddamnit. He runs around trying to find the light and talking to a disembodied voice, who explains where he is:

“You are in the realm of the Not So Living But the Not Yet Dead (loc. 2502)

He’s given a choice to pass into the afterlife or fight to regain his human body which Blair set on fire so hopefully if he survives he gets a new body or he might be actually very much dead. Roswell chooses to fight. The voice peaces out. Roswell walks along and after a bit an enormous axe swings out, which he dodges.

After a bit he comes to a dead end. Roswell tries to break through to no avail while he hears Blair’s voice screaming for help. He repeatedly tries to smash his way through the wall, breaking many of his bones. Then he notices a staircase that’s right there. If only he’d looked maybe two feet to the right he would have seen it and not practically killed himself.

I’m getting the feeling that Roswell isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Turns out it’s just an illusion of her voice.

Next he meets a talking cat who says he can only pass if he can correctly answer six riddles. Roswell breezes through the riddles without any problem because, well, werewolves are great at riddles! Also none of them are particularly challenging. The last one is this one:

Which I hate, but more to the point, how do these characters in this mystical place know what the English language even is?

We hop skip and a jump over to Jafar, who is experiencing…changes.

I felt less hate toward Harlow as each moment passed, but my desire to find her never once faltered. I began to feel something I had never experienced before, a foreign emotion to which I did not have a name, perhaps it was remorse or even love if I could bring myself to admit it (loc. 2671).


Why is Jafar changing? It’s pretty well-established that Jafar is, and has been throughout his entire life, a giant festering douchebag. He is not a nice or a good person; he cares nothing for the feelings of others. He’s a self-absorbed delusional asshole.

And, generally speaking, people who are like that do not change overnight. Change is slow, even change that is prompted by some dramatic, traumatic, or otherwise life-changing event. I’m not buying this change. Nothing has happened that would prompt it, and we haven’t spent any time with Jafar to actually understand why his character has changed.

This complete lack of character development is a common theme running through the novel, which isn’t surprising, considering the age of the author when it was written. Character development can be difficult, and it’s not readily apparent to young writers. But it’s absolutely critical, and it is what separates boring, cardboard novels from books that stick with you, books that you love.

Jafar wanders around Namaki City and who should he run into but…Harlow. Yes, Harlow, who we last left in the middle of the forest some distance away and now the two people just happen to randomly run into each other in the middle of a city, because that’s plausible. She’s visibly pregnant. Jafar leads her over to a nearby tavern and Harlow doesn’t resist because…well, no reason, really.

“I am sorry, Harlow. Really truly sorry and do not ask that you ever forgive me, for I would not forgive myself.”

“No, I will, I must forgive you, because I have nothing.” (loc. 2687)


She tells him that it’s his baby. He is delighted and pulls her into an embrace. Harlow asks if he’s angry. He says no and kisses her [!]. She pushes him away and says “Not yet.” Wait, what the fuck do you mean, not yet? That implies that at some point in the future you’re seriously considering getting back together with this murdering raping sack of rat guts and cat vomit?

We move to the All Knowing. Lyssandra Besscati, is 19, pregnant, and her husband Tony has been unfaithful to her with the mayor Leroy Jenkins, who is a man and that is strange because homosexuality is strange? She answers the door and there’s a guy with a gun so she throws up a shield and he fires and the bullet rebounds and hits him in the shoulder and then she accidentally lets the shield slip for a second during which he shoots again and hits her in the belly and she loses the baby and wakes up some time later and there are hooded figures who ask her to join them so she says ok.

Back to Harlow who is explaining her life story to Jafar.

As much as I disliked Jafar, I could see that he was somehow different now. I thought perhaps he may deserve a second chance, because everyone does and after all, he was the father of my child (loc. 2727).

Here is a general life tip for all you writers: don’t write about people getting raped and then getting over it and being friendly, or worse, falling in love with their rapist.

I know Stockholm Syndrome exists. I know there are examples. I know emotions and the human mind are complicated, nonsensical things, and weirder and stranger things have happened. It doesn’t matter. Don’t do it. There is no point. Nothing good can be accomplished through it. Anything you are trying to achieve can be achieved in other, better ways, ways that do not perpetuate a horrifically offensive and insensitive way of thinking, and that does not minimize the incredibly real pain that too many people feel.

Breeanna, I hope this plot point doesn’t exist in the newer version of your novel. If it does, eliminate it entirely.

So they talk. Jafar promises to serve her and that he will not bring her any harm. He admits that he’s lived an awful life and wants to change. Harlow doesn’t want to live in the castle. Jafar explains there’s some land near the mountains and he can get gold from his father to buy the land and build a house where they can live comfortably for the rest of their lives. Harlow asks “we?” Jafar says that they’ll have separate sleeping quarters, course, but that way he can be the father of her baby. Harlow doesn’t have a problem with this but doesn’t want to settle down just yet before she finds the other Elves and figures out what being an Elf entails. Jafar agrees and asks if it’s fine if he comes along with her. Harlow says okay, so Jafar goes to get them rooms for the night. Harlow watches.

With his newly found personality, he might actually turn out to be, dare I say it, almost charming (loc. 2765).

Drinks: just finish the bottle.

Tagged as: ,


  1. Fireshark on 11 February 2014, 09:33 said:

    Glad to see a new article!

    I do think it’s possible to have a character like Jafar reform to an extent, so I wouldn’t necessarily remove his changing completely, as long as you provide a better explanation/justification. Definitely drop the romantic relationship angle though; that’s just gross.

    On another note, XKCD? Ewwwww.

  2. Ziggy on 11 February 2014, 12:27 said:

    I think the very worst way to do character development is just have the guy turn up and say, “Now I am completely different from the way I was three chapters ago because of reasons,” and just have everyone just forget about the first half of the book. It’s lazy, it’s insulting, and it sucks away any possible dramatic momentum.

  3. Breeanna on 11 February 2014, 13:55 said:

    I’m glad I just destroyed most of this out of the story line entirely. I completely rewrote Jafar from page one to be severely mental wacked, and right around the end of the first novel he has a massive mental break. I plan on giving him more of an arch and Harlows going to be WAY WAY more uncool with it. But her development is much different too.
    Now, I never intended for them to fall in love. Like, the first time I wrote Jafar, I was planning on killing him.
    The “not yet“comment was like, ‘don’t touch me” “not yet”. But poor context blah blah. I nixed most of this anyway and as far as the first book goes, it’s not any where near this part.

    I definitely think I’ve learned my lesson on rape in stories.

  4. swenson on 11 February 2014, 14:54 said:

    Rorschach Rorschach Rorschach, I have a present for you! Behold.

    It’s paranormal Fifty Shades of Grey Jane Austen fanfiction. I swear I will buy you this book in physical form if you review it. It’s all your favorite books rolled into one!

    (actual comments on this article will come later, when I’m done giggling at that book so I can come giggle at this book)

  5. Danielle on 11 February 2014, 15:11 said:

    I definitely think I’ve learned my lesson on rape in stories.

    You’re worlds ahead of some published authors, especially if you count mind-rape. I recently read a book by an author I used to enjoy who, long story short, had his villain resurrect a female character I adored in such a way that robbed her of her free will. So for the entire book, the villain has this character do terrible things because she can’t refuse, and it’s implied he has his way with her. At the very least, he beats her for trying to resist following orders. By the end of the book, she has gone through a procedure that she seems to think will free her from him, but it only saps what’s left of her free will, and at the climax, guess who is redeemed?

    Yep. The villain who mind-raped her. She takes his place as evil dictator and rules the world with an iron fist, oppressing the main characters who once helped her.

    All of the villain’s actions had been played as creepy and controlling, and it seemed we were meant to see the woman as an innocent victim. And I’m all for character redemption, but having it be a man who robbed a strong female character of her free will be the one redeemed was just the nail in the coffin for me.

    So in other words, be careful with female characters and controlling men. An about-face on his part, played the wrong way, can be devastating to your book.

  6. VikingBoyBilly on 11 February 2014, 16:00 said:

    Since you are posting on here, Bree (and not conjugalfelicity)…

    You know who Leroy Jenkins is, don’t you? There’s no way that could be unintentional.

  7. Sanrock on 11 February 2014, 17:21 said:

    Leroy Jenkins? You mean , THIS Leroy Jenkins?

  8. Breeanna on 11 February 2014, 17:30 said:

    @VikingBoyBilly TO be completely honest, when I wrote that, I asked my friend for a good name and that’s the name he gave me and I knew NOTHING of it’s origin….and it was actually really recently that someone showed me the name reference.
    But I do glance on over to conjugalfelicity just to see the comments but I feel more comfortable over here, to be honest.
    And I didn’t mean to make an Eragon reference, but I will take that!

    Than you!

  9. Lone Wolf on 12 February 2014, 02:02 said:

    I was always somewhat proud of understanding everything that was going on in the Maradonia-“Saga”. I mean, everything there was very stupid, but it was never unclear for me.

    I even understood what’s going on in Robert Stanek sporkings, before I became bored with Stanek’s very bland and cliche narration and characterization, which even the spork couldn’t redeem.

    But I don’t understand what’s going on with these Eos, Xantippe, Zosime and such. I glanced over at some reviews, so I know that the main narrative takes place in mythical pre-history and that Media is collecting people all over the timeline of history, but I still don’t quite understand what’s actually going on.

  10. Breeanna on 12 February 2014, 02:14 said:

    Hmm, I can help you but I’m not sure what you want to know…I mean I am happy to help you try and understand as best as possible, probably using my updated rewrite-storyline (because all in all, same story, less confusing). So okay…I don’t know where to start. Help me help you, lol.

  11. The Smith of Lie on 12 February 2014, 03:11 said:

    Color me impressed. Here I thought that Malazan Book of the Fallen is chock full of storylines that go nowhere, signify nothing and are confusing as hell. But Malazan Book of the Fallen is 10 doorstoppers long…

    I think I’ll re-read the sporking later today or tomorrow and come up with some possibly, slightly useful comments, but for now I have one thing that I’d love to hear about from you Breanna.

    Why the hell did Nani Anne wanted to have Harlow (Grimm; and I still think that with that name she should be a pirate captain) and Darien marry? I could hand wave this as sporking glossing over the details but Rorshach is as confused as me. What was the plan?

  12. Lone Wolf on 12 February 2014, 05:38 said:

    I don’t really understand anything outside of the “Harlow’s point of view” storyline. So, Media is collecting special people all over the historical timeline. Why exactly does she do it, why these special people are important? What is the “disaster” and the “trying times” Xantippe speaks about? What exactly is Media’s relationship to Xantippe? Is Xantippe the boss behind the time travelling operation (he mentors people and gives Media orders)?

    Who are all the people who, as of now, are involved in the time-travelling people-collecting scheme? Xantippe and Media as organizers, the Japanese twins, Eos and Lyssandra as these special people, right? Who is The All Knowing? Is he just a narrative device? Is he actually God? Is he involved with the time-travelling plot?

    Who is Hyppolite? She has a special power, is she already involved with Media? Or will she be involved further in the story (that may have been mentioned in her monologue, so I am also asking this question to the sporker)?

    The story just mentions all these people and conversations right in the middle of them doing things, without any context, like the reader should already know who they are and what they’re doing. But the reader doesn’t. If this is supposed to be a mystery, well, this isn’t the best way to write it.

    Even Maradonia has Maya and Joey actually learn and meet all the new characters. While King Astrodoulos, King Apollyon and everyone in their armies are very stupid characters who constantly do stupid things, they are introduced so that we actually know who they are, what is their relationship to each other, and what are their motivations are supposed to be.

  13. VikingBoyBilly on 12 February 2014, 10:27 said:

    @Breanna are you saying Blair/Harlow really does smell like crushed pine needles when she’s an elf and that’s the way you wrote it? I thought that was one of Rorscach’s artistic liberties ;)

  14. Lone Wolf on 12 February 2014, 11:05 said:

    It’s pretty clearly Rorschach’s snark.

  15. BlackStar on 12 February 2014, 12:31 said:

    I’m 99.9999% sure the “crushed pine needles” bit was a reference to Arya from the Inheritance Cycle, which I found hilarious.

  16. Rorschach on 12 February 2014, 12:56 said:

    I’m 99.9999% sure the “crushed pine needles” bit was a reference to Arya from the Inheritance Cycle, which I found hilarious.


  17. Breeanna on 12 February 2014, 19:32 said:

    @Lone Wolf
    this might be brief because I am at work but I will do my best, and I have to the best of my ability explain all of it, and some things I have sort of fixed in the text to more accurately represent my ideas.
    Okay so, this will understandably be spoilers in this.
    Why is Harlow marrying Darian.
    Because Nani (and thus harlow and darian) are of a royal line of elves from her home land. In the elvish kingdom, it’s a matriarchy, so instead of a male heir, she needed a female heir. So when Darian was born, she had the nursemaid (lelane archer) take him, and they told everyone she had a miscarriage. She wanted them to get married so that when she told them, they could all leave and go off to Yelle Yaxle(elf kingdom)

    Media and company.
    These(for the most part) are flashbacks. I dated them in the rewrite so it makes more sense. They are part of a group called The Angels of Sin. They are a group of immortals who are the overseer’s of the earth.
    If I am correct, I think that the “disaster” was the past tense what happened 7000 years ago when Avery Oliver tried to open the gates of hell and nearly destroyed the earth. Xanthippe took the spell book he used and media locked him away at his request to protect everyone(as one of them lyssandra had been killed sealing IT) the “trying times” I think are supposed to be it happening again.
    Media is a close friends with xanthippe, and xanthippe is the leader.
    Hyppolite(a boy btw) is Media’s long time partner.
    It was supposed to be a mystery, but for the first novel’s purpose, none of the Angels are touched upon. I waited to add the time travel and disaster talk to the second novel and I’m rewriting all of it to be less confusing.
    The All Knowing is just the narrator.

    I’ll elaborate if that’s still confusing.

    Oh I thought I used it. I wouldn’t put it past myself. So I guess that’s why I didn’t think I made the reference lol.

  18. Lone Wolf on 13 February 2014, 00:53 said:

    Okay, I now sort of understand what’s supposed to be going on with Xantippe and all. The “mysterious flashbacks” style just doesn’t work when it goes for longer then a chapter.

    Why would Darian and Harlow need to get married in order to go to the elven kingdom, though? Can’t they just go there without any marriage ceremonies?

  19. Breeanna on 13 February 2014, 01:26 said:

    Elves are a complicated race! jokeingtonejokingtone
    But it was just her ploy…I think it’s still a little Deus ex machina…but justa little…Sort of like, “Let’s make this as inconspicuous as possible. K?” Elves try and keep themselves secret. I play that up a lot more in AFG rewrite Book one(note that when I actually pursue the publication of the rewrite I will be changing the name, but I haven’t really come up with a new name,so it’s AFG book one and two.)
    As for the flashbacks. I moved them all to the second book and I’m basically trashing all the one’s I already wrote, dating it more clearly, and executing it different, much different. Exactly how,I haven’t gotten into, but better, I hope. I haven’t gotten to that part yet. Like I said, I cut that all out of book one.
    This way, the time travel and the flashbacks and the arc of Xanthippe and the angles and their mystery will be more the FOCUS of the novel and not this crapply done background DUNDUNDUNNNN LEAVES YOU GUESSING crap lol. I mean still mystery and dundundunleavesyouwondering but ….you know…not crap, lol. :)
    I Hope**

  20. Danielle on 13 February 2014, 02:20 said:

    Why is Harlow marrying Darian.
    Because Nani (and thus harlow and darian) are of a royal line of elves from her home land. In the elvish kingdom, it’s a matriarchy, so instead of a male heir, she needed a female heir. So when Darian was born, she had the nursemaid (lelane archer) take him, and they told everyone she had a miscarriage. She wanted them to get married so that when she told them, they could all leave and go off to Yelle Yaxle(elf kingdom)

    What if she never meant for Harlow and Darian to get married at all? That would take some of the squick factor out of it, because frankly, the idea of a woman engineering for her long-lost son and long-lost daughter to get married but not consummate is kind of creepy. What if she’s intervening because Harlow and Darian wound up falling for each other without ever knowing they were brother and sister? Then you could say she put Harlow and Darian in the same town so that it would be easier to find them both when it was time to take them back to Yelle Yaxele, but they found each other first and so she left Yelle Yaxele to intervene once she heard about the wedding.

  21. The Smith of Lie on 13 February 2014, 03:22 said:

    Ok, let me check if I got it right.

    Nani first spawned Darien, who by the information gained before would either be full human or full elf (since elfhood is only passed to the child sharing gender with elf parent in half-elves), whom she sent away as usless for her purpose. Than she spawned Harlow, who she hid… For some reason.

    And the whole marriage ploy was supposed to make it less conspicious when she comes to take them with her – married couple leaving is less suspicious than two unrelated people leaving together.

    Did I get that right?

    So now, why would them just leaving would be considered suspicious? From what I gathered their civilian cover was lifes of some pretty unimportant people, average city-folk. No one, bar maybe their friends and “families” would question their leaving. Unless there’s some of travel regulation law, that bounds the people to their place of birth and married couples are somehow exempt. Or something along this line. Otherwise the “get them married but not consume” plan is a) creepy and b) ridiculously circuitous and c) overkill towards minor or non-existant problem.

    On a vaguely related note, possibly you know them already Breanna, but I think Limyaael’s Rants could be relevant to your interests.

  22. VikingBoyBilly on 13 February 2014, 12:21 said:

    I don’t like time travel in stories. It’s a popular trope, but very difficult to pull off effectively and it’s impossible to avoid paradoxes and continuity complications. The only way it has been done flawlessly is if a character can go only forward in time, but never go back (see: Ender’s Game and it’s sequels, the pilot episode of Futurama). Or, conversely, a character goes back in time and effectively resets the entire universe. They can’t go back because the future doesn’t exist anymore until it happens (see: the oh-so-underrated Softwire Books)

    But even with the continuity flaws of backwards and forwards time travel, the audience can ignore the flaws if: the concept of Time travel is the premise and the central focal point of the story (back to the future, time squad, the time machine, the shadow out of time), or: it has such a minor presence it can be overlooked (EarthBound, every other episode of futurama).

    I’m sorry to say this, but I think the inclusion of time travel, especially for your first book, is a foolish decision. My advice is: don’t use it. Find ways to work around your story without it. But if you must, try to have it make as much narrative sense as possible.

  23. VikingBoyBilly on 13 February 2014, 12:27 said:

    Oh, and the Seven Sleeper Series. I’m sure Rorscach agrees that was an example of a literary masterpiece in forwards-only time travel ;)

  24. swenson on 13 February 2014, 13:21 said:

    Oh man, I saw those books in a Christian bookstore this past year… at first, I couldn’t believe my eyes, so I picked them up to skim the back covers… yep, it was definitely them. It made me so bizarrely delighted to come across them in the real world.

    (I’ll be honest, I still don’t see how they’re even Christian books. The themes were awful, as I recall, not Christ-like at all.)

  25. Breeanna on 13 February 2014, 13:52 said:

    That’s interesting….

    The smith on the Lie This is all why I'm rewriting,lol...I'm taking out the scene with Roswell and Harlow talking about her "genetics" and I'm just going to all over fix that. You guy's have posted some better explanations...that I may take into consideration. VikingBoyBilly
    This is true, but that is the one thing that I really can’t get rid of…I love time travel and don’t worry, I’m going to spend a LOT extra time before novel numero dos comes out. (the one with all the time travel)

  26. The Smith of Lie on 13 February 2014, 15:03 said:

    Well, pointing at Futurama is pretty unfair in the terms of time travel done right examples. That show, due to forma, already had pretty loose continuity and making all sorts of strange things through occasional time travell got pass due to this and comedic nature.

    Good to hear that. I hope it’ll make more sense in version 2.0.

  27. VikingBoyBilly on 13 February 2014, 17:29 said:

    Futurama is the kind of show that’s aware of its problems and doesn’t take itself seriously. I think Breanna wants her book to be taken seriously.

  28. Breeanna on 13 February 2014, 18:43 said:

    @smith on the lie
    I really hope It works. I’m bringing my cork board back out!

    @Viking billy Boy
    I would like that eventually.

  29. The Smith of Lie on 17 February 2014, 09:35 said:

    This is terribly late, possibly 4 or 5 parts of the spork late, but I read the first parts way after they were published and then forgot about that complaint/notice.

    Was it ever considered that Harlow did a lot of her journeying and traning with her kinky, werewolf master while having a broken collar bone? A throw away line about healing it with herbs or something like that?

    Because I don’t remember any kind of healing mentioned in the sporking and, while I’m not an expert I belive broken collar bone would seriously dampen one’s ability to hit things with sticks and do all the nifty ninja acrobatics our Pirate Heroine does.

  30. BlackStar on 17 February 2014, 11:45 said:

    @The Smith of Lie maybe it was fixed when she became an elf?

  31. The Smith of Lie on 17 February 2014, 14:28 said:

    @BlackStar – this still makes it good few days or weeks of travel and combat training.

  32. Breeanna on 17 February 2014, 16:19 said:

    It was healed by roswell which was originally was just a sidenote.
    It’s more that it was bruised and she sort of overshot how bad i was.

    I would like to note for the record, whoever cares, I did remove the time system change, so it’s not day’s, weeks, etc. instead of epochs and such.

  33. The Smith of Lie on 18 February 2014, 04:27 said:

    It was healed by roswell which was originally was just a sidenote.
    It’s more that it was bruised and she sort of overshot how bad i was.

    Ok. Some things are not obvious from sporks and we have to rely on second hand accounts when questioning such things. :P

    I would like to note for the record, whoever cares, I did remove the time system change, so it’s not day’s, weeks, etc. instead of epochs and such.

    Good change. Especially that since someone more versed in Spanish pointed the zapato thing it was pretty hillarious hen time got mentioned in quotes. Still, at least it was not Manos: the Hands of Fate hillarity.