Now we’re over in Roswell’s mind as he’s chewing through the demon.

I involuntarily licked my mussel (loc. 783)


Apparently Harlow looks curious and amused, which is odd, she just was just splattered with the blood of a creature born in hell. But maybe that turns her on? Apparently, because she says that it’s “wicked” and that she’s never seen anything like it. Then she says it was fun and she wants to do it again??? What? Run through a forest and then watch a werewolf chew up a vampire demon? What the hell is happening?

Roswell turns back into his human form, and then…

I walked over to where she now stood, brushing of earth off her, completely aware I was naked. She didn’t seem bothered so I didn’t bring it up (loc. 788)

Ahahhaha “bring it up” I see what you did there!

They introduce each other and Roswell thinks that “Harlow Grimm” is a title which doesn’t make any sense. Roswell says that the vampire was a Penanggalan which is a total rip-off of existing mythology, but whatever. He suggests they head back to camp and a sentence later they’re there. Breeanna really has no sense of how to correctly portray the passage of time. This is figuratively how most scenes go:

“By Jove, Arnold, I do love Chicago! But it’s time to catch the train back to New York.”

“Quite right, Quincy! By the way, your beard is attractive!”

“Thank you,” said Quincy, as they walked past the Statue of Liberty.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. You can’t transport characters across miles of terrain during a single line of boring-ass dialogue.

They go back to the camp and to Roswell’s tent and he gets dressed and grabs a cigar. Apparently he can conjure a flame by snapping his fingers, which is impressive. Harlow asks him to tell her about his people.

“Well, first, we aren’t people. People are humans. We are Wulver. If you can look at it in such a way, we are not people per se, that’s like saying your pet dogs are people. See it sounds ridiculous, does it not?” (loc. 821)

No. He’s clearly an intelligent, humanoid-shaped creature, that is nothing like saying a pet dog is “people”.

There’s some boring dialogue which tells us nothing, and a few misspelled words. Eventually he picks her up by the back of the neck, which sounds painful, and takes her out to the rest of the pack to request to keep her as a pet. The elders are fine with this, even though just a couple pages ago they were flipping their shit because she’s an outsider. They tell Roswell to keep her away from the pack and that is that. They go back to the tent and Harlow relays her life story.

A sudden thought spontaneously combusted within my mind. “Are you hungry? You have eaten in a while.” (loc. 880)

He wonders if she’s hungry and that thought “spontaneously combusts” in his mind. And it says “have” rather than “haven’t”.

…I literally do not think I have ever encountered writing quite as bad as this.

The night passes, or rather it’s suddenly morning since time doesn’t actually pass in this world. Roswell borrows a comb so Harlow can comb her hair, then they head out to some sort of training ground where Roswell cuts a stick and fashions what I can only assume is a wooden sword? Apparently he’s going to teach her to fight. Why? I have no idea. There has been absolutely no in-text explanation or really any logical reason why he is doing this. Roswell says she has to address him as Master, and henceforth, she will be known as “Chepi”. Harlow isn’t happy about that and suggests “Blair” instead which he agrees to.

They fight. It’s not described at all. Then suddenly Harlow uses her sword to vault over Roswell and poke him in the back, because she’s actually a ninja/Olympic pole vaulter, which we never knew about.

They keep practicing for half a day while Roswell thinks about how he needs to find Harlow a sword and the grammatical structure of these sentences makes me wonder if this book was written in another language and they just ran the manuscript through Google translate and immediately published it.

…probably not. Google translate has better grammar.

We move to the POV of the All-Knowing who is talking about Blair and Roswell eating stew. She’s calling him Master like the good subservient she isn’t. The rest of the vampires are hovering around being quite racist. Eventually they go to the Elder’s hut to request to go to the city to get a weapon for Blair/Harlow. The Elder says no. And suddenly they’re back in Roswell’s hut. Roswell packs up and they leave town. Roswell lights a cigar incoherently. How do you do that? I don’t know.

As they walk, Harlow/Blair thinks about life. Eventually she takes her wedding ring off and chucks it into the bushes.

Pondering love, war, and her own humanity, Harlow Grimm, now known as Blair, headed into an unknown land with a menacing creature of the night puffing on his cigar all the way to Dibujar (loc. 1035)

That is possibly the most interesting sentence that humankind has ever written.

Back to Darian. He angsts about Harlow as he lights a fire and starts carving up a rodent he trapped and is planning on eating. The wind makes eerie noises. Then a voice says it is behind him, and suddenly a branch from the willow tree reaches down and picks him up by the back of the shirt. Holy shit, we’re ripping off Tolkien now?

“Yeah! Ya wanna fight or somethin’?” I challenged, trying furiously to appear as though I were calm. Calm, right, I’m only being interrogated by a grammatically confused plant!

“Ha ha he he har har ho. No fight does I.” (loc. 1069)

So…Darian is dealing with a tree that talks like Yoda. A Yoda plant. A Yodant. I guess ChrissyPao isn’t the only one who self-publishes books that simultaneously rip off Star Wars and Lord of the Rings.

There’s even a picture:

Darian argues with the tree to let him go so he does right about the time Darian realizes he’s fifty feet in the air, so he falls screaming and then the tree catches him and argues with him. Darian calls the tree a buffoon but the tree thinks Darian just gave him a name and now they’re going to be best friends forever! Buffoon agrees to help Darian find Harlow but says that they need to go seek the help of Lady Rowan, who is wise and magical and shit. So kind’ve an exact copy of the scene where Merry and Pippin are lost and need to find the rest of the Company and encounter Treebeard who then sets off to find the White Wizard.

We bounce over to Lady Rowan the Wise:

Mid-Epoch sun blazed in the creamy sapphire sky. Peering into the massive brass-framed mirror, I combed through my fiery golden carmine hair with a porky pine quill brush (loc. 1126)

That sounds…dangerous.

She does her hair, musing about how long it’s been since she’s seen anyone, and throws some powder into the fire, which conjures up an image of TreeYoda carrying Darian. Rowan starts making soup / witch’s brew while thinking about how cute Darian is and how she hopes he likes her. I’m getting the vibe that Rowan might be mildly insane.

After a bit TreeYoda and Darian arrives and Rowan goes out to greet them. Darian gets down and TreeYoda pats him on the back which sends him flying. She bends over to see if he’s okay and Darian stands up and then suddenly Rowan is on the ground and Darian offers his hand to help her up. Okay, Breeanna forgot who was standing and who was sitting; it’s the kind of thing you could easily miss if you didn’t bother proofreading your book even once.

Buffoon says goodbye and goes skipping off down the lane. Rowan invites Darian inside to eat soup and explain what is going on. Rowan’s hopes are crushed when she learns Darian is engaged. Eventually, Darian gets to his point: Harlow has vanished and to find her…he wants to learn magic. Wait, what? When the hell did he decide this? He’s been searching for what, a couple days, and he’s already given up to the point where he decides he needs to learn magic? I…honestly need to stop being surprised at character motivations changing without rhyme or reason; we’re still early in this book.

Darian talks about his deep love for Harlow which makes Rowan break down crying so she runs off into the woods to the creek, sobbing, and suddenly sees an Aigamuxa.

Aigamuxa are large, man-eating, and mostly human-looking creatures with eyes on the soles of their feet (loc. 1222).

And also lovingly stolen from the mythology of southern African bushmen. And – you know what, rant time.

I really don’t have a problem with things being borrowed or stolen from mythology, or hell, even from other sources. All I truly ask is that they are A) treated well, and B) packaged with plenty of the author’s own creativity. If I’m reading a well-written, interesting novel with three-dimensional characters that’s putting a thoroughly fresh spin on a genre, I’m on board, even if the novel includes references or homages to other works. But an author has to earn that. If you can show that you’re a creative writer who can actually come up with your own characters and ideas, I’ll accept that you’re offering homage to the work you’re referencing, or you’re borrowing from mythology because you love the original mythological work.

There is none of that here. The Penanggalan and Aigamuxa aren’t here to be explored in any interesting or meaningful way, they’re here to die (spoiler alert) and neither of them will ever be referenced again for the rest of this novel. What’s more, there is nothing interesting or remotely unique about this book, it’s a stitched-together patchwork of things stolen from better authors with absolutely no redeeming qualities. So when these creatures pop up, it doesn’t feel like it’s a clever reference to southern African bushmen mythology. It feels like Breeanna realized there needed to be a monster so she picked up her copy of Weird-Ass Monsters From Mythology sitting next to her desk, picked one at random, and stuffed it in the story.

That, I hate.

Anyway, Rowan calls upon the god of the waters – Poseidon – to fight and conjures the water into ice and throws a bunch of ice daggers at the Aigamuxa but they don’t penetrate the skin. Rowan turns to run but it catches her in a moment, picks her up, and licks her cheek as she struggles to free herself. So, like most people do in life-or-death situations, Rowan flashes back to the last time she’d fought an Aigamuxa, and she had to be rescued by…Alexander the Great. That one time she was sent to 323 BC.


Turns out Alexander the Great was poisoned by the Aigamuxa and that’s why he died abruptly at age 33.

It bites her and she feels the poison start coursing through her veins and then Darian leaps into the fray with a dramatic “Release her, fiend!” The Aigamuxa drops Rowan in the drink and the fight is on. It’s very dramatic:

A strange brightness shone around his silhouette; a sort of sorcery was being played here. His sword cut into the beast, causing it to expel a horrific cry. He kicked the hellish creature and began stabbing it viciously as if he had been possessed. Cuss words spilled from his mouth (loc. 1258).

Anyway, Darian kills it, no problem, and carries Rowan back. She’s feeling much better, so apparently the poison wasn’t actually a big deal. Rowan decides that she’ll make some “cleansing teas” for herself. Whew, good thing the poison wasn’t something that would have some impact on the plot!

They get back to the house and Darian faints from exhaustion. Rowan thinks about it and decides that she’s going to help him, because

he is the type of person that the world needs; he is a true savior (loc. 1273).

Okay. To recap: Harlow, code name Blair, is married to the psychotic, rape-happy Prince Jafar and is currently on the run with Roswell, a sexy vampire-killing werewolf that is developing a kinky master/slave relationship with her. Meanwhile, Harlow’s fiancé, Darian Archer, is trying to find her by befriending Treebeard/Yoda hybrids and learning magic from a time-traveling witch who wants to bang him, and once killed Alexander the Great.

Got it.

Drinks: 42

Tagged as:


  1. swenson on 14 November 2013, 22:29 said:

    Your recap makes this book sound kind of awesome, you know.

  2. Licht on 14 November 2013, 23:33 said:

    I honestly don’t think using creatures from existing mythology is something bad.

    And just to have mentioned it: Tolkien “ripped off” mythology, too —massively.

  3. Breeanna on 15 November 2013, 04:50 said:

    This is Bree.
    You know…The one of whom you speak.
    I would like to be part of this conversation, in all actuality. If that is alright with all participating parties.
    Thank you.

  4. Rorschach on 15 November 2013, 04:52 said:

    I honestly don’t think using creatures from existing mythology is something bad.

    And just to have mentioned it: Tolkien “ripped off” mythology, too —massively.

    You are 100% correct. I really didn’t make my point very well. Or at all. I’ve edited. Thank you.

  5. Rorschach on 15 November 2013, 04:56 said:

    @Breeanna Welcome! We would encourage all conversation. If you don’t mind, are you able to provide some sort of evidence that you are, actually, Bree?

  6. Lone Wolf on 15 November 2013, 05:08 said:

    ,since she just was thinking about how Roswell was a creature born in hell.

    I was under impression the “creature born in hell” is the one that Roswell had defeated?

  7. Lone Wolf on 15 November 2013, 05:15 said:

    And the revelation that the book definitely takes place in our own universe (with Alexander the Great and all) is rather surprising. I thought that it would be worth elaborating over.

  8. Breeanna on 15 November 2013, 05:24 said:

    I don’t know how to do that exactly? Uh…how does internet verification go exactly?

  9. Rorschach on 15 November 2013, 05:31 said:

    Breeanna – shoot me an email,

  10. Brendan Rizzo on 15 November 2013, 09:44 said:

    Okay, so, if you’re really Breeanna then you are certainly welcome here. Just don’t take the criticism too hard — listen to it, certainly, but don’t assume that we are making fun of you as a person. Hopefully, we can work this out so that if you ever write anything else, you’ll be better at it.

    (Just one thing; don’t self-publish next time, okay? At least let your work see an editor first.)

  11. Breeanna on 15 November 2013, 12:04 said:

    I really have gotten used to it at this point, and trust me, I’ve been perusing traditional publication since then.I was about 13-16 when I wrote this and I’m not saying I’m a great writer now, but I can read this and read new writing and know that I’ve improved. I’d like to be part of the conversation. This way you guys can ask me questions and what not and I’ll try not to jump to my own defense.
    Disclaimer, because this get’s me in trouble a lot, just because I argue with you doesn’t mean I necessarily disagree or even that I won’t change it. I’m just very combative!

  12. Resistance on 15 November 2013, 22:04 said:

    Welcome to ImpishIdea, Breeanna! We love discussion here so don’t be afraid to ask questions whatnot. Pretty much what Brendan said, but don’t take the critique as a personal attack (I know my works could probably be spork-worthy). We’re all about improvement here; hopefully we can all improve together. It’s good to see you’re still working in writing.

  13. Asahel on 16 November 2013, 01:02 said:

    Ok, I’ve got a question that this particular section just now raised. In what world does this story take place?

    Their days are longer, months are longer, and years are longer than Earth’s, but they have French braids and apparently Alexander the Great was in their past, so…

    Care to explain?

  14. Breeanna on 16 November 2013, 01:22 said:

    To be frankly honest, Asahel, I formulated the universe when I was 13, and the intention was meant to be a sort of…pre-history…parallel universe…Lets just say I stick to present day or an exact historical year now.
    Sorry for the confusion!

  15. Rachel on 16 November 2013, 02:13 said:

    Breeanna, I have one thing to say.

    This sentence here:

    Pondering love, war, and her own humanity, Harlow Grimm, now known as Blair, headed into an unknown land with a menacing creature of the night puffing on his cigar all the way to Dibujar.

    made me laugh until I cried. Don’t take that as an insult. Sentences that make me laugh that hard are rare. Maybe you didn’t intend it in a funny way—so what? It’s awesome. I think you should take that sentence and make it the focal point (maybe not the opening, but definitely the inspiration) for a wacky comedy fantasy story. Stop trying to make people cry or think or feel and just make them laugh. It’s a hundred times harder to make someone laugh than it is to make them cry, and making someone laugh until they cry is a gift. Recognize that gift, embrace it, and do it on purpose, and your first book will be a thing of the past.

  16. Breeanna on 16 November 2013, 02:23 said:

    It actually was supposed to be sort of funny. I just might do that. I’m in the middle of one now, but hold on, that deserves a note!

  17. Asahel on 16 November 2013, 10:51 said:

    To be frankly honest, Asahel, I formulated the universe when I was 13, and the intention was meant to be a sort of…pre-history…parallel universe…Lets just say I stick to present day or an exact historical year now. Sorry for the confusion!

    Now, I’m not saying that authors have to stick to present day or precise history (if that’s what you’re more comfortable doing now, then that’s fine). Alternate Earths are fine. Earths where various mythological monsters are, in fact, real are fine. Earths in which history has unfolded differently and everything is different from how it is now is fine. I’m just getting hung up on the length of day, month, and year being longer. So, it’s an alternate Earth but it rotates slower, revolves slower, and (possibly?) the moon goes around it slower?

    I wonder, I know the sporking referenced 323 BC and Alexander’s age at death, but it wasn’t quoted, so did you actually reference those specifically? The reason I ask is that you specifically pointed out the whole deal with how the different year length affected people’s ages vs. what their age would be according to our years, then forgot that meant Alexander would not, in fact, have died at an age of almost 33. Nor would it have been 323 BC. Is that just a detail that escaped your attention because you were 13? Did you run this past any editors, and did they not catch it either?

    Just curious, really.

  18. Tim on 16 November 2013, 10:59 said:

    Disclaimer, because this get’s me in trouble a lot, just because I argue with you doesn’t mean I necessarily disagree or even that I won’t change it. I’m just very combative!

    Oh, don’t worry, if they can put up with me they can put up with anything.

  19. Breeanna on 16 November 2013, 14:48 said:

    @ Asahel
    Time is a human invention, and this story (as will be revealed) happens in a pre-historical time period, meaning, this era ends and it leads into the modern historical era and is forgotten by people now…if that makes sense. Meaning…when the people created the calender, it was just what was apparent to them, even today there are different calenders. You seem to misunderstand the Epoch, however, for it is just as long as a day and the rest of the weeks and months and what not are just what was relevant to their seasons(because it could be inferred that the climate at the time and place of the story may have been slightly different than modern climates. GLOBAL WARMING or something)I took a lot of time going through the creation of that specific universe in the prequel and if you wanted I could post a link to the passage for further reference.

    @ Tim
    Ah, but we shall see!

  20. Tim on 16 November 2013, 16:47 said:

    Well, time isn’t really a human invention, because all human calendars have their basis in observation of natural things that happen at reasonably fixed intervals (motion of the sun, seasons, lunar cycles, planting cycles, etc). You can blame our extremely silly sub-day time units on the fact that the Greeks thought six was a perfect number, while the clock face being divided into two cycles comes from a time when sundials were used to set mechanical clocks.

    The real issue is that words mean things, and it’s hard for a reader if you present them with a word you say means one thing when they know it means something else. So when you see “epoch” meaning “day” rather than something close to “era” you have to mentally stop and remember it doesn’t mean that here. It pulls the reader out of the story.

    It’s also bad because of the logic holes it inevitably creates; if you have a fantasy term for a day, for example, why isn’t there one for a city, or a prince, or whatever. There has to be some assumption that terms in the story are translated to English unless they’re something we actually don’t have.

    Using local terms is good for portraying culture shock, but it shouldn’t be used if everyone has grown up with these terms. If, as in the world I’m working with, you have a race that thinks 9 is a holy number and has a 90 seconds / 90 minutes / 9 hours clock system, an outsider from a place with a 24-hour clock might find their attention drawn to a clock that’s ticking slightly too slowly, but that’s about the only way something like that ought to come up. Otherwise it’s like a race who are all 12 feet tall constantly referring to each other in their own heads as giants.

  21. Finn on 16 November 2013, 20:06 said:

    Oh cool! The author is here. That’s always interesting. Kudos to you, Breeanna, for being willing to discuss this. Not all authors are as willing to do so.
    I’m kind of curious as to whether you actually did have Treebeard from Lord of the Rings in mind when you wrote the scene with the talking tree. It’s easy for us to say that something was taken from such-and-such a source, but it could have come from somewhere completely different.

  22. Asahel on 16 November 2013, 20:20 said:

    Tim already handled the issue with time scale admirably, and I doubt I could add much to it. Instead I’ll ask:

    this story (as will be revealed) happens in a pre-historical time period, meaning, this era ends and it leads into the modern historical era and is forgotten by people now

    So, does this mean that when Rowan time traveled to meet Alexander the Great, she was time traveling to the future? Just in case you wonder what I mean, Alexander the Great lived after pre-history. Therefore, if the story takes place in pre-history, then it must take place before Alexander the Great. Furthermore, if Rowan did travel into the future when seeing Alexander, did you specify in the story that she had traveled forward (because that would be a big clue to help keep readers grounded in the setting)?

  23. Breeanna on 17 November 2013, 02:25 said:

    Ashel yeah, bad terming- by Pre history, I don't actually mean the pre history we talk about in class it is pre...pre history....Excuse me I have to slap myself as a history major for that generally folly...But anyway...Yes she was moving into the future (with another character that you will meet soon(shes a fave so brace yourself)) Also technically Alexander was pre-Christ, and pre history technically refers to the time before written records....but I'm not really one to talk ;) TO many uses of technical there...moving on...It all becomes a little more clear when -Medi- someone comes in later;) Also-warning you ahead of time, the ending is dreadful and I am currently trying to fix it up(i've rewritten the better part of this book, fyi, based on another sporking) Finn
    Here I am! Despite what everyone seems to think, I actually, I actually do care about improving my writing! Ehh, you could argue that I got the idea from LOTR because I do love that series immensely, but I didn’t sit down and say “aaaaand TOLKIEN GO!”
    (Nothing is original you know!)

    @ tim
    As I stated, I might argue and defend on my own side, but I don’t claim to be right. And we could argue for years about whether or not time is a human invention or not! (restating, History Major)

  24. Lone Wolf on 17 November 2013, 03:58 said:

    Yeah, from all mentions of the book, it takes place in a “mythical forgotten pre-history” of sorts.

  25. Asahel on 17 November 2013, 14:31 said:

    Also technically Alexander was pre-Christ, and pre history technically refers to the time before written records

    Yeah, and the oldest written records are far older than Alexander the Great, so there’s no way to categorize him as pre-history. (The oldest known peace treaty is from 1259 BC, for example, and there are probably even older writings than that.) So, you say that Rowan was traveling to the future when she met Alexander. Ok, that’s good, but the important part of the question was whether or not that was specified in the story. That’s a very important detail to just sort of leave out (if indeed you didn’t actually put it in).

    And we could argue for years about whether or not time is a human invention or not!

    There’s an easy way to tell that time is not a human invention. Answer the question: Did time exist before humans lived? If your answer is yes, then clearly humans did not invent it.

    The point that Tim was making (Tim feel free to correct me if I misrepresent your line of thinking) is that time is not a human invention, but measurements of time are. And, human measurements of time are based on physical realities (rotation of the Earth on its axis, lunar cycle, revolution of the Earth around the Sun), so even though humans invented the calendar, calendars are still based on physical realities independent of human invention, which means if you’re going to change the calendar, there needs to be a basis for the change. Ok, so a “month” is going to be 36 days now. Why? Our months are 28-31 days because they loosely follow the lunar cycle upon which they were based. And a “year” is going to be 540 days. Why? Our years are 365 days because they follow a solar cycle (it’s the same reason we insert a day every 4 years—because 365 is not quite long enough for a full cycle). So, what is 540 days based on? Nothing? Because that’s how it seems.

  26. Tim on 17 November 2013, 15:03 said:

    Yeah, I mean the idea time didn’t exist before there was someone to observe it is basically solipsism, it’s the same argument as that a tree that falls unobserved makes no sound. We can observe physical effects of duration (eg sedimentation, weathering, decay, plant growth, etc) which continue regardless of us, so clearly duration is something that does not require us.

    The question of whether there’s any time but the present (or how to separate the present from the immediate past) get you into things like Zeno’s Paradoxes. They’re interesting discussion points, but not really particularly useful since they’re demonstrably false.

    As said above, measurements have to make some kind of sense. In story terms, there should also be some kind of reason for bringing it up. You can have some pretty interesting differences in calendars (for example, the Roman calendar was 304 days long with 10 months, the other 60 days just being regarded as a monthless “winter”) but unless you’re saying the Earth somehow increased in orbital speed a 540-day year won’t really make sense to anyone.

  27. Tim on 17 November 2013, 15:06 said:

    61 days, even.

  28. Tim on 17 November 2013, 15:49 said:

    I suppose you could argue that Einsteinian physics say that perception of time can be altered (NASA managed to create a statistically significant difference between two atomic clocks by putting one on an SR-71, I recall) but that’s not really going to apply to the perception of time by an olde worlde society, any more than you’d have to worry about wrecking your suspension with the relativistic change in mass from your car accelerating.

  29. Breeanna on 18 November 2013, 02:25 said:

    This got really logical while I was away. I meant time systems…but yeah I can’t disagree with all that logic…anyway…does anyone have any other questions! I’m happy to answer them…

  30. sanguine on 30 November 2013, 17:43 said:

    Wow, it’s interesting to see the author commenting on a spork of her work. Respect to you, Breeanna, for being open to discussion. I sincerely hope your writing is coming along, and I wish the best for you.

  31. Breeanna on 4 December 2013, 03:17 said:

    Hey thanks!
    I seem to have a terrible reputation for not being open and it’s actually quite the opposite to be totally honest. I mean, Of course I want to be part of it and I most definitely want to get better and hopefully this will contribute!

  32. Potatoman on 4 December 2013, 03:29 said:

    ^Awesome author with awesome attitude. You’ll go far :D

  33. Breeanna on 4 December 2013, 04:19 said:



  34. Rachel on 4 December 2013, 13:08 said:

    I seem to have a terrible reputation for not being open and it’s actually quite the opposite to be totally honest. I mean, Of course I want to be part of it and I most definitely want to get better and hopefully this will contribute!

    In that case, you’re worlds ahead of other authors whose first books weren’t that great (SMeyer, Adornetto, Clare, etc.). I’m not comparing you to them, since their attitude toward criticism seems to be “Shut up about my masterpiece! You wouldn’t know good literature if it bit you where you sit!” Your attitude is very admirable, and if you always keep that sort of open-mindedness toward your own work, you will definitely improve.

    Have you considered writing fanfiction? I wouldn’t recommend it as a career or anything (nor would I endorse what Cassandra Clare did), but it’s certainly good practice. I’ve found it’s easier to write a story set in a world that already exists, with characters who are already fleshed out (well, in books or on the screen, at least) than it is to make a world from scratch. The only catch is that there aren’t a lot of really honest reviewers on most of the fanfic sites I’ve been to, and it isn’t always the bad stories that don’t get any reviews. There are plenty of bad stories that have huge followings (and some VERY touchy fans) and plenty of good stories with only one or two reviews. So as long as you don’t trust the critics too much and just write to improve, fanfic sites are a good place to practice.

  35. Breeanna on 4 December 2013, 22:29 said:

    Hooray! Thank you.
    I honestly…cannot write fan-fiction. It’s just…I don’t like using other peoples characters or stories. I don’t know why. I guess it’s not my niche or something.
    The last few beta readers I’ve had have informed me that they think the story moves too quickly and that there is honestly a lot to take in. My current venture ( I call it a venture because I don’t know if I can actually accomplish it) is to expound upon the first hundred pages(in my word document, that is. I think it’s just shy of 32,000 words or something like that) and split the novel there in order to expand the characters and slow the story down. This would then split “At first glance” into at least two novels…but…This is all speculation. I’m anxious to see what Rorschach and everyone else says about the rest of the book.
    I’m pleasantly surprised about how nice/accepting/helpful everyone here has been here!

  36. sanguine on 5 December 2013, 18:17 said:

    Just as long as you keep reading and writing a lot, you will get a lot better. There is no substitute for practice. Criticism is your friend, and when reading your own stuff, do so with a critic’s mind, and you will find faults more easily, and you will vastly improve. I’m currently rewriting my first novel for the third time, merely because I’ve improved so much since I first wrote it. So definitely keep going, and have fun doing it!

  37. Breeanna on 5 December 2013, 22:27 said:

    Oh yeah, definitely! I write more than I eat, sleep, or study combined(to a fault, lol) And I have rewritten “at first glance”, oh I’ve lost count but this is the hardest I’ve ever hit it.