That should be a long enough break. I’m back.
When we left off, our supposed heroes had just arrived in the year 1906. What sort of sheer stupidity will they get themselves into? Find out in Chapter 20.
To begin with, their time machine has a supply of 36 hours worth of oxygen, in case something goes wrong, as well as five days of food and water. Wouldn’t that be a waste, since there is only enough air for a day and a half? If only this novel had been proofread.
What’s more, Joy is bipolar. She’s all cold and ruthless one moment, and a gibbering wreck the next. Has Rummel never heard of conistency? I don’t know what to make of this. If this is Rummel’s attempt to humanize Joy, he is failing. I should also point out that his Self-Insert never acts this pathetic.
The sob-fest ends as quickly as it begins, and we learn that Joy has dubbed their destination the New Universe. Haven’t we previously established that they can only create a Stable Time Loop? Trust me, that rule has just gone right out the window, because Rummel doesn’t want his Sues to fail, even if he has to break his narrative’s own rules to do so.
Outside the capsule, the first thing John notices is that the past smells. I will give Rummel credit for his realization that pollution was worse before the Clean Air Act of the 1970s. However, he seems to blame this on the great fire, even though that happened about six months before his chrononauts arrive. The smoke lingers in the air for half a year? Is that realistic or not? I don’t know, but I think not.
“Here we are,” I said to Joy. “Shouldn’t we say something dramatic, like ‘One step for mankind’?”
Her grieving eyes turned toward me. “You said it,” she said.
“I said what?”
“Something for the ages.”
“What?”
She was beginning to put her anguish behind her. I saw the barest hint of a grin at the corner of her mouth. “You said, ‘Here we are.’ That’s as dramatic as you get.” (page 163)
I don’t know about that. That’s kind of lame. Rummel is oblivious to his characters’ failure, as usual.
John spots the supply capsules on the warehouse floor (do you see a pattern here?) and says that it would have been terrible if they hadn’t arrived. So he is a wimp who would not be able to survive at a slightly lower technological level. And I’m supposed to sympathize with these people?1
To those who asked if John and Joy are going to be discovered and mistaken for spies, that never happens. Sorry to disappoint you. In fact, this whole scene is kind of pointless since the only advanced technology our anti-heroes use are their weapons.
John tests out his built-in transceiver, which is still a monstrously stupid idea, and then he suggests they go to sleep. I know what you’re thinking.
So far John has done everything. Joy is off to the side. I’m beginning to think that she is a superfluous character.
John exposits about the geography of San Francisco, but from what I can tell, he gets his information wrong. I have never been to San Francisco myself, so I am only working off Google Maps, but there are several differences between the street layout as described in the book and in real life.23 Rummel, as John, claims that Hooper Street connects to both 7th Avenue and Market Street. Though the real Hooper Street does intersect 7th Street (not Avenue as the novel states) it is only one block long, and never intersects Market Street. Rummel probably meant that 7th Street intersects with Market Street, which it does, but that is a misplaced modifier. He gets no points. This paragraph is unneeded anyway.
When Joy finally speaks up, it is to wonder about the welfare of Tor and her groupies. We will never hear the end of this. John reassures her that since Tor’s groupies were not carrying illegal drugs on their premises4 that they will get off scot-free. He seems unaware that if the FBI shows up at a building, the occupants will at least be questioned. He also says that Tor’s groupies will have a whole team of lawyers ready to fight any lawsuits, enough to make Microsoft’s legal team look pathetic in comparison. There is a certain memetic line from a certain Web parody I would like to recite at this moment…
Oh Sue-dometer. I almost forgot what you sounded like, from your long absence from this spork.
I should point this out one more time. Joy is supposed to be a strong female character. In a fight, she is downright sociopathic. But here, she is reduced to hysterics, even though this is inconsistent with her previous characterization. Of course, John sexualizes her some more:
Even as focused as I was on her sadness, I felt pleasure at the smooth feel of her warm skin, and her scent. She’d never worn perfume again, after her mother’s dinner party. No need. She had reeled me in, gaffed me, and hauled me into her boat. I hadn’t even flopped around or gasped for air. I happily accepted my capture. She didn’t need perfume anyway. When we were close, I discovered she had her own arousing, womanly aroma. (page 165)
This novel is rather misogynistic if you think about it. The only important female character is a sex object when she isn’t being a bitch, and sometimes even while she’s being a bitch. Are we sure that John cares for Joy at all, or does he just put up with her for free sex?
I do not wish to find out exactly what is Joy’s “arousing, womanly aroma”.
Allegedly, the rational side of John’s brain is paralyzed when he is near Joy. Considering his actions in this novel, I will wager that the rational side of his brain is paralyzed all the time.
With our protagonists dozing off to sleep, the chapter ends. Sure, they’ve arrived in the past, but they have still done nothing. The plot is still stalled in its tracks. Rummel is still an oversexed fanfic writer.
Footnotes
1 They were vaccinated before arriving at the past, so John does not have the excuse that antibiotics were not yet invented.
2 I understand that John is referring to San Francisco more than one hundred years ago, but I cannot find records of the street grid from 1906, and I doubt that Rummel can either.
3 Speaking of which, when did John find time to look at old maps? He would have had no reason to do this as a teacher of world history, and would have had no time once he was inducted into Tor’s groupies—he spent all day training.
4 Except for, you know, the MIND-ALTERING ones they slipped John…
Taku on 17 January 2013, 22:11 said:
Maybe they were planning for a mid-transit party. Or “something goes wrong” in the way of them being stranded with a broken machine in the stone age. Five days’ supply of food and water is just enough time to build a shelter and abandon all hope of survival or sense of purpose. Or, considering what we know of Rummel’s interests, (re)populate the country.
Epke on 18 January 2013, 06:26 said:
Awww :(
Only if there is material left from the fire, like burnt wood, houses, trees etc. but that would’ve been cut down and removed, or places where the smoke would’ve ingrained itself into the material (like smoke damaged cars)… however, San Francisco has a warm climate: moist winters and dry summers, and a close proximity to the sea, so weather and wind would take care of the smell pretty soon.
Considering the fishing analogy, I’d say Rummel went for the classic fish-smell of her… decency forbids me from going further.
Pryotra on 18 January 2013, 10:02 said:
That’s what I get for hoping for action or realism. Particularly when it’s clear that they’re going to be so obvious about it.
This. He kind of reminds me of a writer called el pepe who was sporked by Das Mervin. He wasn’t quiet away that sociopathy =/= good. The only difference so far is that the woman is the sociopath and there is no harem.
Brendan Rizzo on 18 January 2013, 14:36 said:
Why is this so common among bad writers? Are there really that many sociopaths in the world?
Fireshark on 18 January 2013, 15:30 said:
Our culture thinks violence is cool. So the problem is that authors include violence because it’s entertaining, but forget to provide appropriate reasons and reactions. I’d say Rummel is more focused on the action than on the people involved, and as such everyone comes off like they’re just indifferent.
It’s really the same sort of thing as the sex in this book. We’re told that John and Joy love each other, but we only see the physical element of that. Similarly, we see the violence but not the thoughts and feelings that would accompany it if they were real people.