Welcome to another session of ‘chapters that really should have been cut, but the authors were too lazy to do so’. I understand that the Casts want to have some characterization before things get interesting, but every chapter should do something to advance the plot, and that’s something that the Casts are really having trouble doing.
The chapter starts with Zoey on her bed, listening as her mother talks to the shrink and then to her prayer tree.
Within thirty minutes our house would begin to fill up with fat women and their beady eyed pedophile husbands. (27)
\~/
And you wonder why people don’t like you, Zoey.
Moving on, Zoey whines about how they’re going to treat the Mark like a really big problem, anoint her with oil and pray that she stop being a pain to her family and that the Mark get cleared up too. She also whines about how she doesn’t want to be a ‘freak’ and then we get more inconsistency. \~/ \~/
This whole thing meant that I was going to be the new kid. Somewhere I didn’t have any friends. I blinked hard, forcing myself not to cry. School was the only place I really felt at home anymore; my friends were my only family.
Ok, there are three problems here.
1. Zoey has treated the only ‘friends’ that we have seen her interact with like crap and will continue to treat them like crap.
2. This is a bid for my pity, the problem is that, again, you can’t just throw things like that out there when she’s done nothing but act like a little monster towards everyone around her.
3. The primary problem that she is having is that she’s going to be ‘the new kid’ not that she’s a vampire. Not that she is turning into something that she’s been raised to think was evil. Not that she is dying. Not all of this is happening around her and she has no control over it. Just that she is being inconvenienced to meet new people who she doesn’t know.
I feel as though this is some kind of second draft, mostly cleaned up and ready for betas to read, but not for publication. Zoey’s characterization is everywhere right now. I think that this might have to do with the fact that the Cast Ladies differ greatly in their writing experience. Kristin (probably) is trying to make Zoey relatable to the reader, but it’s coming off as inappropriate. Just because most sixteen year old girls haven’t been turned into vampires doesn’t mean that they are unable to empathize. Most children weren’t locked into a closet by their aunt and uncle, but that didn’t mean that no one was able to empathize with Harry Potter.
\~/
Zoey continues whining about how hard her life is because there are going to be a prayer session and Dr. Asher is going to examine her and give her garbage about how her anger is normal, but she needs to learn how to channel it.
Someone, write me a spitefic about Dr. Asher’s notes about Zoey and how nuts she is. Please? This is BEGGING for it.
Zoey claims that because she was “the bad kid” she was prepared for this kind of thing. She’s snuck out and hung out with Kayla
Or, if I really wanted to be bad I might meet Heath at the park and make out. But then Heath started drinking there needs to be a comma here and I started turning into a vampire
\~/
On the one hand, the status of Zoey’s relationship with Heath is still shall we say…weird. On the other hand, I like the last sentence, other than grammar issues. The fact that Heath started drinking suddenly, and this caused major problems is good information, and, if it was clearly shown that it wasn’t that Zoey and Heath weren’t really dating, but rather that she was starting to struggle with the relationship, maybe because her actual father drank or something, the Heath thing wouldn’t be the problem that it is.
Anyways.
Zoey slips out the window, bragging that she’s done it before and mentions that she’s glad that her sister is still out.
Hell must have truly frozen over because for once I was glad my sister’s world revolved around what she called ‘the sport of cheer’. (28)
Oh boy, cheerleading potshots. \~/
You know, I kind of thought that this kind of stupidity was finished in the nineties, but somehow, no, it seems that everyone either harps on how all the girls want to be cheerleaders or only terrible people do.
Moving on.
She snitches her key, and sneaks through the gate of her house “like one of Charlie’s Angels” (29).
\~/
Once on the ground, Zoey whines some more about the fact that John doesn’t let her keep her car in the garage, and mentions how awesome her vintage beetle is, which just reminds me that she’s an entitled spoiled brat who is throwing a temper tantrum. Again, a vintage beetle in good condition is pretty expensive. Even if she had gotten it from a family member, they need to be maintained. The fact that she’s sixteen and has this kind of car shows me that she is less abused than she thinks that she is.
Showing about the same about of emotion as a turnip, Zoey leaves, and turns off her cellphone, all while saying how she was going to the person who really liked her, and wouldn’t see her as a monster.
Other than, of course, the fact that while her family seemed to think that she needed Jesus, there was no indication that they thought that she was a monster. None. They more or less seemed to think that it was a phase or something that she was going to grow out of. Even John for all of his ‘get behind me Satan’ garbage seemed to mostly think that she was just being a pain. Not a ‘terrible person’ but a pain. They don’t even go the full distance and try to exorcise her.
I have some suspicions about this. I think what we’re seeing is a conflict between the Casts. One of them really wants to drive home the idea that humans see the vampires as monsters, but the other one wants to have Zoey’s family issues be super, super relatable. In the end, it’s just a mess.
Also, this scene honesty could have been a lot more emotional than it was, and I feel a little cheated. I want to see the main character of a story hurt. That’s why it’s his/her story. People who don’t suffer are boring. People who can just walk away from this kind of family without any kind of emotional response are boring. \~/
I want to see drama.
So, we get a pointless scene break, and Zoey awkwardly transitions while mentioning that she’s getting sicker and her body is starting to hurt. She mentions that, even though the sun is starting to set, she still feels strange when it touches her, so she’s
glad that it was the end of October (there should be a comma here) and it had finally turned cool enough for me to wear my Borg Invasion 4D hoodie (sure, it is a Star Trek: The Next Generation ride in Vegas and, sadly, I am on occasion a total Star Trek nerd) which, thankfully covered most of my skin. (30)
This is the first that I’ve heard of the weather and the season actually. I kind of find that poor writing. Also, Zoey, don’t be sad, own your Star Trek nerd status, then you might conceivably have a personality. \~/
Also, this is implying that she’s been to Vegas. This has been have been before Zoey’s mom married John or else well…
I have trouble seeing a super conservative Christian being big on Sin City. \~/
World building should not be this easy to pick apart.
We have an honestly nice, brief description of Zoey’s grandmother’s house and how it makes her feel safe, and she heads up the stairs to see a not from Grandma Redbird about how she’s up on the bluffs collecting wildflowers.
Since the audience is obviously going to be wondering just who the note is for and why it’s there, Zoey makes sure that we are aware that Grandma Redbird (or rather Grandma Magical Native American) just somehow knows when Zoey is coming.
This is never explained.
It’s magic, I guess. \~/
I’m holding off on my ripping up of Grandma Redbird until we meet her. Wait for it.
Zoey whines a little more about how much she hates John, \~/ and sniffs the paper that the note was written on. She considers going inside because Grandma Redbird is an idiot who never locks her doors and is obviously just waiting for someone to rob her, but her angst about how she wants Granny to
“hug me and tell me what I had wanted Mom to say” (30) so she decides to go looking for her.
Let me repeat that. Zoey, who is going through a transition to a vampire and has said that she can’t stand sunlight anymore without it bothering her has decided to go up looking for her grandmother. In the sunlight.
\~/
She heads up to the bluffs, we get an overly sappy description about them ‘welcoming her home’, and because the Casts REALLY want to make sure we don’t have any sympathy for John and know that he’s really a one dimensional character, Zoey mentions that John does like her and thinks that she’s “a witch and going to hell” (31). \~/
I personally concur that she’s a terrible person, but I’ll get into that in another chapter.
Then, out of the blue, she suddenly realizes that since she’s ‘never going to see her family again’ John can’t tell her what to do anymore. This would have more weight if I’d actually seen abuse from John. Rather than preaching and saying that she needs professional help.
Then, because she’s an idiot, she’s
sent…into a spasm of coughing that made me wrap my arms around myself, like I was trying to hold my chest together. I needed to find Grandma Redbird, and I needed to find her now. (31)
Alright, two questions.
1. If you were so badly off, why didn’t you just go to the House of Night by yourself? You can clearly drive. Be an adult.
2. Why didn’t you wait in the dark for Grandma Magical Native American to show up?
\~/
Don’t expect sympathy from me.
Next chapter: We meet the most cliché Mother Goddess of all time, various mythologies (particularly Cherokee) are crapped on in an attempt to make all of them monotheistic, and nothing actually happens.
Drinks: 11
The Smith of Lie on 16 September 2015, 16:35 said:
Well, I have something else in mind for this chapter, but I’ll think about it and maybe whip out two spitefics for this one.
Of course she needs a vintage Beetle. Magic screws up with technology, the more complicated tech the more interference. This is why old cars with no electronics… Oh wait, sorry. I went into reminescence about something actually good, just to stop thinking about this book. Disregard my points then.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETLY DIFFERENT.
She was almost ready to leave when she heard arguing voices from below. She could hear them too well, not when she was already halfway through the window. After only moment hesitation Zoey backed into the room and quietly opened the door. The argument was getting more heated and now she could hear exactly what was being said.
“She is not ready. Young minds don’t take well to the harsh truths.” It was doctor Asher. Of course he thought her not ready, no one ever had anything good to say about her. Zoey wasn’t sure what she wasn’t supposed to be ready for, but she was sure she was ready. “Maybe she isn’t maybe she is, if we don’t give her chance now, she’ll never have it. That bitch will lay a claim to her soul and that will be that. We should let the Lord decide.” She could scarcely believe her ears, John was actually defending her? Doctor Ashen sighed. “Very well. Please bring her. I’ll talk with her.”
John led her downstairs. She was too curious what this was all about to escape right now. Obviously they’ll talk to her about her damnation and all that stupid, Christian bullshit, but she could at least hear what new spore of madness they’ll come up for her. And it wasn’t like she couldn’t escape at any time.
Doctor took out a cigarette out of a pack and lit it. Zoey didn’t notice a lighter or matches though. Before she could comment on this strange fact he started talking. “Hello young lady. Your step father told me a lot of good things about you.” She wanted to laugh at the impossible claim, but there was something in doctor’s manner that prevented her. “We see a lot of potential in you. You are young, immature in many ways, but circumstances being what they are we’ll need to take a lot on faith.” He smiled when he said last word, as if it was some private joke only he understood.
He stood up and motioned for Zoey to follow him. “You see, our congregation is not exactly what it appears. We keep up appearances for the uninitiated, but there are a lot of things that only few know about.” He opened cellar doors. “For example the true name of our Lord.” Zoey looked surprised at him. “No, no. I don’t mean the whole YHWH stuff. We pay him lip service, it is sort of expected in this country. But he’s not the one we follow.” Few of the congregation members already waited for them downstairs. They all wore red robes. A five pointed star was drawn on the floor. Something clicked in the rarely used part of Zoey’s brain, a one responsible for things other than self-pity. “You are Satanists!” Asher nodded. “Although we prefer term Luciferians. Satanism sounds so gauche.” Zoey tried to back, turn and run. But some invisible force held her in place. “Now my dear, it would be terribly rude to listen without hearing us out till the end, wouldn’t it?” He must have read her thoughts. Or at the very least he wasn’t blind and had rudimentary ability to interpret facial expressions. “I promise we won’t use you as a sacrifice.”
She sat, still held by their magic, inside the pentagram. “You see, the story you know is rather one sided.” Asher smiled to her. If she didn’t knew he was a satanic warlock she’d consider it a friendly smile. “Lucifer. Lucifer is the bringer of light. It’s in the name. But the whole thing about fall from grace? The Christian mythology? We have no idea if it is truth.” That admission surprised her. She always thought John and his fanatic friends as only dealing in absolutes. Admittedly, she didn’t phrase it that way but it was what Zoey had in mind when calling them a bunch of religious nuts. “We aren’t even sure if he is an Angel or if there is a God. We know that Lucifer is a being of power. And that power is light.”Asher continued in the tone of someone giving a lesson. “Day is his purview. He is a natural ally of humanity, his gifts let us master our nature, let us create civilization. Light – both literal and of knowledge is humankind greatest weapon.” Zoey caught herself nodding. Somehow what Asher was saying made sense. “But there is another being, called Nyx. Vampires claim she’s a goddes. Maybe. But important thing is that Nyx is of the night, she’s darkness. She’s claws and fangs in the night, a sudden death and an end of reason.” Asher pointed to the half-moon on her forhead. “This is Nyx’s sign. She has claimed you as her own. If you go to the House of Night they’ll tell you how she’s a Mother Goddess, how you were chosen from many. They’ll feed you all kinds of lies to make you a loyal servant of Nyx.” The force that was holding her suddenly disappeared. “We are giving you a choice. Do you want to be a demon of the night or do you want to serve the Lord of Light?”
Once she agreed to Asher’s proposition the Luciferians started chanting. She didn’t know the language they were using, she didn’t understand the words, but she could feel them putting her into some sort of trance. She didn’t remember much of the ritual, but once she woke up the Mark upon her forehead was gone.
”Stand up sister Zoey” it was John holding hand out to her “and help us bear the ligh, because the night is dark and full of terrors.
Akkakieron on 16 September 2015, 16:51 said:
Ugh, I got it, Casts, Zoey’s life sucks because she’s a vampire now. Actually, I don’t since nothing really bad happened to her. She’s not tossed out of the house, she isn’t slapped for being a brat, nothing really says her situation is terrible. Even her ‘dying’ seems like an inconvenience at best. It’s like the Casts wanted Zoey to be in a sticky situation but not harm her in any meaningful way.
Next chapter. So full of mythology fail it falls apart when you think about it for a second.
Juracan on 17 September 2015, 19:48 said:
Oh Lord. I hate it when authors try to do that. I’m not against mixing mythologies, or playing with them, per se, but when you get multiple belief systems wrong to push something out of left field, I’m less than enthusiastic.
Pryotra on 18 September 2015, 10:36 said:
That’s the problem. Harry had a good reason to have that particular car, and it, for a long time, was almost a character in its own right. (Behold the angry wizard putt putt putting away, anyone?) I have nothing against a character owning a distinctive car, but not when it disregards the character and the ideas that the writer is trying to show. It’s trying to show me that Zoey is ‘quirky’ and ‘artsy’ or something, but everything about Zoey is ignoring this.
It’s really annoying.
And that spitefic was great. I would kill to see this evil vs. evil match.
I think that that’s the main problem. It’s like they want Zoey to have suffered, but not be affected by it, and strangely, I don’t really understand why. Maybe it’s because Kristin Cast has flat said that all of Zoey’s reactions are how Kristin herself would react, and thus the character of Zoey is actually limited by Kristin and her reactions. Thus, she gets upset about things that would upset Kristin, but don’t make sense for a person in Zoey’s apparent position.
I guess.
Oh, mixing mythologies can be great! I still think that we could easily do a Greek/Norse cross in which Odin and Zeus are drinking buddies. Most polytheistic religions are actually really good on crossovers, since they’re great with another set of gods being in charge of a specific area. Honestly, the Dresden Files, I thought, did a fine job with having different religions, including Christianity occupying the same space. He just hinted at the really old idea from the Jews that there might have been more than one god, but they had an agreement to only worship theirs. It wasn’t that difficult.
Honestly, this is at the level of Hijacked by Jesus. Or possibly lower. I’ll let everyone decide in the next chapter.
The Smith of Lie on 18 September 2015, 13:52 said:
I love playing with mythologies. For years I ran a Scion campaign, and that played with source material pretty fast and loose. But it was glorious, because the aim was to have ridiculous, crazy adventures. And fighting a fire giant inside a volcanic base where a mad geologist was creating a device that causes volcanos to erupt is just that, even if it is not faithful to the way giants of Muspelheim worked in original myth.
However I think casts are going to bend mythology to justify their speshul snowflake. And that does suck.
Exactly! This is why I brough this up. I have this silly habbit of bringing up good things for contrast or dropping some vague analogy, without explaining it well.
Pryotra on 18 September 2015, 14:42 said:
They’re going to do worse.
Much, much worse.
The Smith of Lie on 18 September 2015, 15:34 said:
Well, for what it’s worth (not much) I have a spitefic tucked away for when the school part of the book starts. It is going to be pretty fun, if I say so.
Castor on 19 September 2015, 13:45 said:
One of the many reasons I really disliked this book was because of the worldbuilding. One that really sticks out to me as completely unforgivable is the fact that at one point (I totally forget where it is now, probably after she heads to the vampire school) she mentions liking Count Chocula cereal as a sort of throwaway joke. I just remember having to stop reading at that point for a couple of seconds to try to process that. These characters live in a world where vampires are explicitly shown as being an important part of society (wasn’t Shakespeare a vampire in this universe?), and they are portrayed as being super-powerful and playing an active role in the world around them. And you’re telling me that these arrogant vampires who hate humans are okay with Count Chocula representing them, even as a mascot? I know it’s not important to the story and is kind of a minor nitpick anyway, but it goes against every single characterization of the vampires in the book. Plus, the joke wasn’t even funny, so it doesn’t have a single justification for being in the book.
That’s not even touching on the fact that Bram Stoker’s Dracula exists in this world, although it’s kind of unclear whether the book is supposed to be a biography or fiction, which makes the whole thing even more confusing.
I’m looking forward to the next chapter. I love mythology so it’s always painful when it’s used really horribly.
Akkakieron on 19 September 2015, 18:04 said:
@Castor
The world-building is confusing, like I don’t know when vampires became known to the world. There’s mention of Shakespeare and Jane Austen being vampires, but then how do scientists not know about how vampires work? It seems like the Casts cherry-picked some things in pop culture and didn’t care how it all fits.
Dracula is supposed to be fiction and slanderous to vampires as Bram Stoker was ‘dumped’ by a vampire. It’s really, REALLY stupid.
Pryotra on 19 September 2015, 21:03 said:
I believe that the reason that the world building is so confusing is that it’s honestly just poorly done. The Casts didn’t seem to actually put much thought into it. They wanted absolutely everything about the world to be the same, other than the fact that vampires were real. They also wanted everyone who was ‘cool’ to be a vampire.
It’s got as much thought put into it as your average fanfic.
And, yes, Dracula gets the full brunt of the Cast’s hatred. I still think that it’s because Kristin had to read it, attempted to analyze it and failed miserably.