Okay! We’re back for the third chapter of Nibly, and the first chapter in which we shall have the official Nibly the Bear Drinking Game! We’ve just uncorked our bottle of King Apolyon’s Premium Sparkling Brain Bleach, so here we go!
Here are the criteria as suggested by swenson:
- Every time SNel capitalizes a random word, take a drink.
- Every time SNel uses the word “swell” (we’d like to add “interesting words” to the list), take a drink.
- Every time a picture is alarming or off-kilter somehow, take a drink.
And the one by Master Chief:
- Take a drink every time the bear does something that sets a bad role model.
Finn: I can’t wait. We’re finally at the half-way mark!
Fair: Right. So we begin with Nibly reminding us that he now has clothes and money. Although this only happened about a page back or so, SNel ever so kindly put it in, should we have forgotten . Nibly still, however needs to know where “the best eats and vittles are” (First drink), and decides young people (children) will be of the most help. Tasty!
Finn: I wonder how he made this assumption, seeing as how this is his first time in human society, and in Bear society the older bears would probably be relied upon for their knowledge of food. (Although, of course, bears don’t really have a society to begin with, but that’s hardly the point)
Fair: Perhaps he wants to eat the children? After all, they are more tender when they’re young…
But of course, this is SNel’s world.
Nibly comes across a brightly coloured building , from which he hears children singing a song. I’d like to point out that the eyesight of bears is very poor (scent being their strongest sense) and while they can see colour, would be more likely to use the scent of the children as a guide.
Picture=drink.
This was an E-L-E-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y school. I know this because I carefully sounded out the name.
Finn: Is he trying to teach children to read? I desperately hope not, because it doesn’t seem to be much of a reader. At any rate, bears cannot “sound out” words. And if a bear knows about schools to begin with, and can read, I would think that they would already know what elementary meant.
Fair: Um, yeah. Because even if he is a bear with human-like qualities, if this is his first time around people, he shouldn’t be able to read. Unless they have bear school in the Rocky Mountains, but I highly doubt it.
A boy looking out the window of the school said that I should ask the older kids, the ‘Teenagers,’ because they know everything! He told me where to find the High School.
Fair: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Screw the criteria! Drinks for that!
Finn: Ha ha. When I was in elementary school, I thought I knew everything, or that my parents did. I never even thought of teenagers.
Fair: On a more serious note, the word “teenagers” is written Tesch-style and “high school” is also capitalized. 3 drinks.
Just then a dog came by. It was barking and growling at me. The boy was helpful, when he handed me a bone out of the window and said, give it to the dog.
Fair: THE CHILDREN ARE DESTROYING THE SCIENCE DISPLAY!!
Finn: HE’S FEEDING A BEAR! HELP!
Fair: I think we ought to take a drink for that. And the following picture.
So I thought that was a Great Idea! And I tossed the dog a bone! Then he ran off as happy as can be.
Fair: Two drinks!
Finn: Capitalizations are Very Important! Never Forget Them!
I handed the boy a bill with a 1 and two zero’s after it, ($100). The boy said, “Golly Gee Thanks Mr. Bear!”
“Nibly is the name”, I politely corrected him.
Fair: Stupid terminology, one drink. 3 unnecessary capitalizations, 3 drinks. Randomly bolded word, one drink.
So that would make that passage a literal mind-killer!
Finn: Yes, let’s just give a kid a random $100. It’s not like his parents will wonder where he got it. And Golly Gee! There isn’t even a screen on the window to prevent bugs and money from getting in, like there is in every other elementary school. I guess this one is just a special snowflake. In addition to that, if “two” is written out, then “1” should be “one”“
“Well thanks then, Nibly,” said the boy. All his friends gathered around and I heard the sounds of; “Oooooo” and “Aaaaahhhhh!”
Now, off I went to find the school the helpful boy had told me about.
Fair: Because people actually say “Oooooo” and “Aaaaahhhh” when they’re impressed by something. Also, little kids would be more likely to get into a fight trying to steal the hundred dollars.
Finn: I actually thought that was just Nibly’s interpretation of their screams.
Fair: Okay, so now we total up our drinks. For this one chapter we’ve had… 14 drinks. I suppose that isn’t as bad as Maradonia, but it also had longer chapters.
Finn: Yeah. But we’ll have to see how it is for other chapters. Because you know, it only gets worse.
Fair: But my brain can’t take it anymore! I can already feel the changes occurring. If we keep drinking like this, I’ll probably start believing in mad conspiracy theories and saying “swell” all the time.
Finn: Fortunately, this is Brain Bleach we’re talking about, so it will hopefully be a while before that happens. I mean, we’re cleansing our minds as we go… right?
Fair: Swell!
Forest Purple on 29 September 2012, 19:53 said:
That dog will haunt my nightmares.
T on 29 September 2012, 20:03 said:
Someone in Chapter Two made a good observation: Nibly’s snout grows longer in proportion to his head with each drawing.
Asahel on 29 September 2012, 20:19 said:
Just would like to be the first to point out that the author spelled out E-L-E-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y in the book and, yet, in the picture, the last three visible letters are ERY.
T on 29 September 2012, 21:03 said:
^ I was just hoping that the school shared a building with a bakery.
Licht on 29 September 2012, 21:08 said:
“Swell!” sounds like a fair alternative for “cheers!” to me.
Tim on 29 September 2012, 21:17 said:
Steve seems to have a problem with dogs, in The Problem Eliminators Exclamation Mark the Gary Stu protagonist gets attacked by a vicious dog that seems to have been fired at him from nowhere, and here’s Nibly encountering a random dangerous dog in much the same way. Also a very stupid vicious dog what with him being a fucking bear and all.
Prince O' Tea on 29 September 2012, 22:34 said:
I wish this was a Roald Dahl story. The bear would have eaten the children and that horrid little dog by now. I could go on about how it would be written and illustrated better, but that would be redundant.
I’m probably going to go against the grain here, but I think if the illustrator took some lessons, the pictures could actually look kinda nice. Right now they look horrible, but there is potential, if they were refined a bit. And by a bit, I mean a lot.
Fair on 29 September 2012, 22:52 said:
@ Prince: YES! That would have been awesome. If only Roald Dahl had written it…
Prince O' Tea on 29 September 2012, 23:37 said:
“Oh daddy” Baby Bear said. “My porridge gone. It isn’t fair.”
“Then go up stairs” the big bear said. “Your porridge is upon the bed.
But as it’s inside young Madmoiselle… you’ll just have to eat her up as well.”
Best version of Goldilocks ever.
Finn on 30 September 2012, 13:32 said:
@ Prince O’ Tea
Swell!
swenson on 30 September 2012, 22:27 said:
We can only hope.
Dear goodness. The stupid grows with each and every chapter. I’m sure as a young child I didn’t have very discerning tastes, but I’m pretty sure even I wouldn’t have liked this book much.
Prince O' Tea on 1 October 2012, 16:07 said:
Again, if this was a Roald Dahl story, the school would share a building with the bakery, but only because all the cakes and bread would be made out of the children.