So you have decided to create a medieval fantasy novel and are trying to create a realistic kingdom/empire to set the story in. And since all good novels in the sword and sorcery genre involve a great deal of conflict, you want to bring the kingdom/empire’s army into the fight. But you don’t know how medieval armies are organized, you say? Well do not worry, for I am here to offer what help I can give in making sure you create a realistic fighting force with realistic characters.
Well, there is one piece of advice I can offer right off the bat, do not copy Christopher Paolini. I have read Eragon and Eldest and I am just starting to work through Bri-whatever you call it (when writing a story it is a good idea to give it an easy to pronounce title) and I have come to this conclusion: they contain some of the worst portrayals I have ever seen of medieval soldiers, warriors, and fighting forces. And Eragon is the most unrealistic warrior I have ever seen. Don’t worry, I will provide plenty of examples as to why this is.
First up is how quickly Eragon learns sword fighting techniques. Despite having never picked up a sword before the events of the first novel, he is still able to best Brom after a few weeks of training. Excuse me for a second, I have to go beat my head into a wall for a few minutes. I hear it helps with a stupidity infection. In case you are wondering why I feel this way, let me elaborate. Most sword fighters in history started training at a young age, I think the average starting age was around seven or eight years old. They would spend years learning the proper techniques, their counters, and at the same time would be building up the necessary muscle groups to put some force behind their blows; not to mention increase their endurance. It would take decades of training and experience for them to reach the point where they were considered experts.
Paolini manages to sidestep this by saying the magical bond of a dragon rider increases their ability to learn new information and at the same time it enhances them physically. This seems like a cheap cop-out, but it is a fantasy story so I will suspend my disbelief here. Still, even if I allow this explanation, there is no way that he should be able to best Brom in the time frame shown. Let me explain, Brom is an ex-dragon rider who had the same magical enhancements when he was young and has had a lot more training and experience then Eragon. To put it bluntly, Brom is an ex-super soldier that survived one of the most bloody wars in Alagaësia’s history, during which he took on and killed other super soldiers that were more powerful and ruthless then he was. Eragon beating him here and then Brom saying that Eragon has surpassed him in skill does not stretch my willing suspension of disbelief. Rather, it breaks it in half, throws it into the ground, and stomps on it repeatedly before spitting upon it.
Now let’s look at the beginning of Eldest where we see Eragon pondering the dead. There is a comment about how Eragon’s uncle had died a few months before and that it had helped prepare him for the aftermath of the battle. No, just no. One body that wasn’t that horribly injured does not prepare you for the image of a bunch of bodies hacked apart on a battlefield. I know this from experience, my grandfather died of old age when I was eleven years old and that was the first dead body I had seen. When I was nineteen I worked during the summer as day laborer at a construction company and one day a group of drunk teenagers wandered onto the site and decided to play chicken with a scraper pan. They lost. By Paolini’s logic, the death of my grandfather should have prepared me for the sight of three people getting crushed and ripped apart by a piece of heavy machinery. IT. DID. NOT!
I am not ashamed to admit that I puked my guts out and was shaking pretty bad for a long time afterward. I know what people feel like after seeing a person get killed in brutal fashion because I have experienced it myself and I can say that Eragon’s actions do not ring true here. He isn’t thinking of the dead or feeling sorry for them, or that he should have been able to have done something. Or that he should have been able to save them. Instead he is thinking of only himself, the fact that he has a minor wound, and that he needs more training. And then picks up a molar from the ground and plays with it….I am sorry, but there is nothing realistic in this scene. In fact, I nearly threw the book in the trash upon reading it, but I had promised a friend that I would read it and give her my honest opinion of it (that’s how I got to be reading the Twilight series as well). So I kept on reading, and didn’t take me long to find another item that shows Paolini’s lack of experience and research.
Shortly after the molar incident we see the rebel leader Ajihad die and in the aftermath we see the council and Eragon play at politics. For you to understand how unrealistic this scene is I have to explain to about the military mindset. It is very authoritarian, armies are not typically lead by democratic councils. They have a well defined chain of command with a very strict hierarchy of leadership; in this case Jormundur, Ajihad’s second in command, should have succeeded him with no questions asked. But then we wouldn’t have all this false tension and suspense.
Now, there are a few exceptions to the military/democratic council rule, like everything else. Some militia units around the American Revolutionary War era (it occurred a bit during the Civil War and the period leading up to it) used to elect their leaders. And so you had leaders that were chosen to lead not because of their leadership skills and military knowledge, but because they were popular. Want to guess what happened when they ran into regular, professional military units? If you thought something along the lines of ‘got pounded into dog meat’, good for you. So if Paolini shows one side’s military being led by a council and people being put in charge because they are popular or for political reasons, then that side should be the one that gets its backside handed to them. But that is what would happen in a realistic novel, which Eldest is not.
Next item I have a problem with is when Eragon reaches Du Weldenvarden and I am struck by Galby’s stupidity (I shouldn’t be by now, but I still am) in dealing with the elves. They live in a wooden city in the middle of the forest. Galby has access to two (his and Murtagh’s) biological, flying, flame spewing, main battle tanks. A permanent solution to his elven problem is very obvious to me, and should be obvious to Galby as well. After all, the guy was cunning and ruthless enough to kill all the other dragon riders and seize power for himself; he should be more then capable of incinerating Du Weldenvarden and everybody in it. Oh, but then Eragon wouldn’t have the little ceremony that turns him into Super Elf! Can’t have that now can we? I am not going to go into detail on the ceremony, suffice to say that the same problems that I had with Brom and Eragon’s training sessions are back in force along with a few new friends.
Then there is the entire deal with Roran and his exodus. In an effort to keep this article short, as I am about to go on a little rant about the Burning Plains, I won’t go into this part in detail and I’ll just point out a few things. 1) A wooden palisade will not stop a really organized and determined attack, it won’t even really slow it down. 2) Why does everybody listen to Roran? He is a nobody who hasn’t really done anything before this part. 3) Giving people a choice between enslavement or being killed and eaten and then walking off is the height of stupidity. Yeah, they are just going to sit around, not doing anything to avoid these fates and wait for you to come back. Then again, given how idiotic everybody in these books seem to act that is not outside the realm of possibility here. 4) Six trained soldiers are more then enough to subdue one civilian woman, in fact six is overkill as two would be sufficient. So how come Katrina is able to hold them off with no combat training and being outnumbered to boot? Come to think of it, how can six soldiers and a couple of demonic beings have this much trouble with a farm boy and his girlfriend?
Now for the Battle of the Burning Plains, the part that illustrates Paolini’s lack of experience, research, and / or common sense. First off this is not the type of terrain armies like to fight in. No cover or concealment, no ways to live off the land, fumes constantly choking the troops. Or they would be, but there seems to be something odd about the physics here. At the beginning of the chapter Eragon and his pet dragon dive through the layer of noxious clouds and the air seems to clear as they reach the ground. Excuse me, but the fumes are coming up from the ground, he should have had to deal with it all the way during his descent and the problem should have gotten worse the closer they got to the ground. Why do I suddenly get the feeling that my high school science teachers would have flunked Paolini?
Then we have the scene with the soldiers mistake Eragon’s dragon for Galby’s and fire upon it. This would be a fairly realistic part because the soldiers know the enemy has at least one dragon with them and will probably use it against them. The soldiers see one coming down at them, it might be on an attack run, and they react realistically by trying to shoot it down. But Paolini kills any potential this seen had when he says on page 582
“Fear made them ignore their common sense, and they released a flock of barbed arrows that arched up to intercept her.”
Excuse me, but they did act with common sense and their actions follow rationally with their current situation and knowledge. Personally, I think Paolini’s mental thought process here is something like this: Eragon equals his Gary Stu, anything that threatens him is therefore bad and not rational. Having him killed by friendly fire is therefore not going to happen.
And then when he lands, he is surrounded by admiring soldiers. In the little thing we like to call reality, people who almost accidentally kill somebody don’t stand around and admire them afterward. They either usually try and disappear from the person in question’s sight or try and apologize to them for starters. Then there is the scene were the officer reprimands the soldiers for their actions; in essence for doing exactly what they were supposed to which is to protect the camp from a perceived threat. In real life, the officer would probably have waited until Eragon was out of sight and then reassured the men they did the right thing.
And as for Eragon’s reaction here? He has never struck me as the forgive and forget type, especially when considering his actions with Sloan and Murtagh. I doubt he would have let the soldiers off that easily when I consider how vindictive he acts towards the two aforementioned characters. But as many other people have pointed out, Eragon’s less of a character and more of a robot that does whatever the plot demands. And Paolini wanted to show Eragon as being compassionate and understanding here, whither or not it matched up with the rest of his behavior.
Next we have Angela making poison. Enough poison, apparently, to affect all of Galby’s one hundred thousand man army…she would need a tanker truck to haul enough poison around to do that. And how does she plan to get past the enemy’s sentries and patrols? Details, details. Apparently Mister Paolini is firm believer in not sweating about the details. Do I even need to discuss the fact that people can taste the difference in between regular food and food that has had a little extra something added to it? Especially if they eat that particular meal a lot and army cooks are not generally known for diversifying what meals they serve?
Then there is the scene with the Imperial envoy and Saphira burning him to death. Which is a complete show of hypocrisy on Eragon and the Varden’s part. It reduces them to the same level as the Empire and their stunt with the severed head. Why are we supposed to be rooting for these people?
Finally we get to the fight itself and I can’t help but thinking the Varden deserved to be wiped out. They leave a secure and fortified position to engage an army that outnumbers them by a considerable margin in an open field battle. They might as well put up a big sign with the message Kill Us Please, We’re Idiots in bold red letters. Do I need to mention the part about the rags the Varden stuff into their armor to quiet their movements so the Empire won’t know they’re coming and how that doesn’t nothing about the sound of thousands of booted feet marching across hard ground? And when the fighting starts why does Eragon stay on the ground with Saphira? What he should be doing is flying in the air and making strafing runs on the enemy troops. But that would require brains, something Eragon lacks.
Then the Empire starts using its siege weapons to fire into the Varden troops. Which would not happen in real life for a few reasons. 1) Siege weapons took time to move and set up, it is doubtful the Imperial Army could have set them up that quickly in response to what is supposed to be a surprise attack. Must be the magic. 2) They were notoriously inaccurate and were typically used against big stationary targets that were hard to miss. Like fortresses. They wouldn’t be able to accurately target and track a moving force. 3) They would hit their own men in the process. Of course, Galby is supposed to be ruthless so I might have been willing to concede the last one; but I used up any charity I had with these books about sixty pages into the first one.
Then Eragon notices Roran’s ship, thinks that it might be enemy reinforcements, and proceeds to investigate. Why I do not know, as Galby already has an army a hundred thousand strong in the field and the most a ship the size of the Dragon Wing can carry is about two hundred men. And I should apologize to you because I just lied, I do know why Eragon goes to check the ship out: because it is what the plot demands, he is simply a robot who follows the plot without question, and Christopher Paolini threw realism in the trash when he started the rough draft of the first book.
Then we get to see Twins and Murtagh with his dragon in action. Why are they coming out so late in the battle for? Most real life military commanders tend to roll out the real heavy artillery in the open phases of the action and these guys are definitely the heavy hitters of Galby’s army. Really Paolini, you have already killed realism so is it really necessary to continue beating its corpse? The only redeeming feature of this entire battle is Murtagh gives Eragon a through kick in the hindquarters and that is not enough to make up for all the other stupidity we have seen.
And that my friends, concludes this article. So whatever you do in your stories, please don’t follow Paolini’s examples. Because, as you can see, he knows nothing about what war is really like or how people in it act.
Spanman on 31 October 2008, 22:36 said:
In Brisingr, Roran has only to defy some orders from his superiors in order to save lives, and bang, he’s a captain and he can do whatever he wants.
Oh, and did I mention? He killed 200 men in one battle that couldn’t have been more than an hour long. With nothing but a hammer, shield, and helm.
Egads.
Morvius on 31 October 2008, 22:42 said:
These articles are excellent! The first book wasn’t THAT bad but for some reason his writing deproved as it went down the line.
In fact I don’t remember a lot about Eldest, I was skipping through most of it (and not because I was interested in seeing what happened next).
Eragon IS a bloody idiot. Archetypal hero heh. Unlike archetypal heroes, Eragon is NOT likeable. I was reading Brisingr (My eyes HURT) and Eragon is a … my gripes were:
1. He tries to disobey Nasuada and gives a stupid excuse like “perhaps there is another way, another plan” when he has none to begin with.
2. The moral quandary with Sloan. And the Dragonriders seem to hold so much power. Eragon acts as though one Dragonrider has the authority of a King. At least the Jedi didn’t go around saying “I shall judge you because it is my right as a Jedi”
3. How he immediately tells Orik that he may have to support someone else despite the fact that Eragon is part of the clan. Orik is his friend right? And he goes and hurts Orik is such a way by saying things like that. And when Orik warned him about the consequences of supporting another clan when he is part of theirs (he will become a target for assassination), Eragon says in his “deadly” soft voice “are you threatening me”. Seriously, is Orik his friend or some piece of meat?
4. Eragon’s suggestion to win the dwarven throne. “Orik! With me by your side! We can overthrow the clans and put you on it!” Yes, sounds exactly like Galbatorix.
5. “NOOOOO! I HAVE TO KILL RABBITS!”
Gah, even Cersei Lannister is more likeable than this fool.
Snow White Queen on 1 November 2008, 12:49 said:
@ Morvius:
‘Orik, join me, and together we can rule the clans as dragon-rider and dwarf!’
GC on 2 November 2008, 18:23 said:
Or as… dwarf-rider? ;)
Gildor on 10 November 2008, 17:35 said:
Another thing that is bothering me for quite some time.
In Brisingr there is a lot of emphasis about the fact that Eragon lost his helmet during his fall above the Burning Plains. While understandable…read this.
In Eldest, he has a vision (How?) about ‘a man sprawling in the dirt with a dented helmet….’
Am I right by saying “Eh?”
Snow White Queen on 10 November 2008, 19:49 said:
While I remember next to nothing about Eldest, having read it at least a year ago and then promptly forgetting it afterward, it seems to me that the vision you refer to could be about anyone.
However, not knowing the context it came in, I can’t be sure.
Addie on 10 November 2008, 20:05 said:
No, it was definitely a vision about himself, for he recognized, later, the moment where it was fulfilled (in the middle of his fight with Murtagh on the Burning Plains).
That’s another odd thing, though – why wouldn’t he recognize himself?
As for the helmet, yeah, you’re right, Gildor.
Snow White Queen on 10 November 2008, 20:13 said:
Oh, my bad.
I have to reread that Burning Plains part again, just so I can savor Eragon’s butt being kicked.
Murtagh, you truly are my hero. :)
Joe on 11 November 2008, 11:39 said:
Seriously, why would they fight on barren, ‘burning’ plains when they’re outnumbered and outskilled? This book could have been so much better without the verbose, pointless, flowery prose, the stereotypical plot and characters and maybe if he included chapters from the Empire’s perspective. Maybe this book could have been a masterpiece if the Varden are the evil and the Empire is just, and it follows the Varden and portrays how cruel they are, or something. Maybe Paolini should just stop writing. I’d prefer the latter.
Millenium_King on 8 January 2009, 16:37 said:
Your article would have been better if you focussed less on how unrealistic Eragon (I mean, DUH!) and more on how actual mideival battle was fought.
For anyone interested, read the Warlord trilogy by Bernard Cornwell (first book is The Winter King). Best example of accurate Dark Ages combat I have ever seen.
Elberik on 9 January 2009, 22:01 said:
I totally agreed with the your article, but I have just one correction:
Sapphira did not burn the Empire’s messenger. She roared, causing his horse to panic, which in turn caused the messenger to fall off. As he hit the ground some fire shot out of the dirt and burned him.
Imrahil on 27 May 2010, 16:22 said:
Just read Lord of the Rings. I found several mistakes EVEN THERE (Minas Tirith; city with 7 walls and only 7 gates, complicated to sustain althought not impossible; other mistakes are made in movies, and not by Tolkien, like arrows penetrating armor plate in RotK and TTT; Tolkien did not make that mistake); when I was reading Eragon, I did not found many mainly beacouse my brain went to stand-by mode after some time and from then on I was only concentrating on plot and several details that just punched me in my brain (like when Paolini starts with reasonable explanation of one having to concentrate hard on his own foot to ward off someone trying to penetrate into his mind, then replacing that with “iron-like wall surrounding [one’s] mind.”. Barad-dur, someone?) and the fact that it is purely fiction and adventure book.
Deborah on 30 October 2010, 08:33 said:
But at least Minas Tirith was in a defensible position and the entire army wasn’t rushing out like idiots.
Kytescall on 30 October 2010, 18:39 said:
Then we get to see Twins and Murtagh with his dragon in action. Why are they coming out so late in the battle for? Most real life military commanders tend to roll out the real heavy artillery in the open phases of the action and these guys are definitely the heavy hitters of Galby’s army.
I suspect most of Paolini’s knowledge of warfare is derived from video games. Small pathetic minions come first, and gradually the bad guys start sending more and more powerful troops. I’ve always felt that if it were me I’d do it the other way around but then I suppose the game would unplayable.
Maryam on 11 April 2013, 02:58 said:
look we all are HUMAN- some maybe exceptionally gifted – some are not- my question is: SO WHAT? so what if it has errors- so what it doesn’t appeal to some of the readers- so what people don’t like it- BUT there are people who liked the story- and come on he’s 15- you guys GROW UP- stop whining about this and that- if you whine so much you won’t like anything in any case- you read something you don’t like it- fine that’s your right- but to actually take things out and do a dissection is rather unfair- who isn’t inspired? there’s always a first?
go discuss something that’s worth discussing –
there are people who actually say HP series are for kids- well what do you say for that? i’m not of that opinion but they can’t digest the story- its only those who have read it know how it grows- my point is every one’s entitled to their opinion but if some one has done something learn to appreciate it – Paolini may come up with something extra ordinary but for right now- let him work with Inheritance Cycle-
I wonder whether twilight was famous for the book or for the plot- I feel it was only because of the movie- a romantic movie to top that- i read one book- i didn’t like it- so i didn’t read it any more- but to keep pulling out strings and what not isn’t fair- she wrote the book- you don’t like it- don’t read it- you like it, read it- i don’t know – i just think its rather un fair- oh well
Tim on 11 April 2013, 05:30 said:
And there are people who didn’t, too. And this is their place, not yours. Do you also go to church and loudly complain that they’re being a real drag with all this God stuff?
Seventeen when the books were published, nineteen when the final version was. He’s now twenty-nine, this is the oldest shit in the world. He’s not some pure innocent flower, he’s eleven months younger than I am.
If everyone in the world had your attitude we’d still be sitting in a cave wondering if rocks were edible. The knowledge that what we have isn’t perfect is what makes people strive to do better, the most dangerous and poisonous attitude for a creative person is to consider what they have perfect.
Paolini’s work is the kind of stuff that would net him fifty rejection letters and force him to improve. That he got to skip that procedure thanks to his family’s connections did not improve the output.
Also, criticism requires creativity, knowledge, time and effort. It teaches structured thought, an analytical mindset, and gives you tools you can use to improve your own writing. All you hugbox types are quick to defend the true creatives while bashing the shit out of effort that you don’t personally approve of, because you apparently think critics have a magic Bile Wand that they wave to make mean thoughts appear.
“I loved writing for kids, I loved talking to children about what I’d written, I don’t want to leave that behind.” – J K Rowling.
I think her opinion on the subject carries more weight than yours does.
Entitled to your opinion means nobody is going to come around your house and beat it out of you with a tyre iron, not that you’re entitled to have your opinion treated as worthwhile or grounded in any form of fact or logic.
I think you need to take your own advice and learn that writing crit is doing something.
More to the point, if you went for a meal and got warmed-over leftovers from six better meals, I doubt you’d be too happy with the chef telling you that you should appreciate the effort it took to find all those leftovers and shovel them haphazardly onto the plate like that.
So this is for a definition of “right now” that’s, what, thirteen years long at this point? He’s been working on the Inheritance Cycle enough time to fight World War 2 twice over and still have change.
Twilight was the 26th best-selling book of the prior fifteen years a month before the movie even came out. I found that out in two minutes using Google. It’s not hard.
To who? Stephanie Meyer is 39 years old and has a $170 million fortune. Not only does she not give a shit if a site on the internet is being fair, she can afford to hire a butler to not give a shit on her behalf, thus reducing the shits given into the negatives.
Care to explain how you’re supposed to figure out you don’t like a book before you’ve actually read it?
You know you can derive entertainment from something without liking it on a purely visceral level, right? Dismantling a broken clock teaches you things about the mechanism and lets you see where everything went wrong. What you’re doing is like saying you should just go out and buy a new one and throw the old one away because it’s broken. It shows an absolute, wilful lack of understanding of the purpose of the whole endeavour.
Also the dash is not the principle punctuation mark in English. There are others. Use them.
swenson on 11 April 2013, 08:20 said:
Probably the most succinct defense of sporking (or criticism in general) I’ve ever read.
The Shift key can also be useful.
Takugifian on 11 April 2013, 08:50 said:
Emily Dickinson would disagree. And then write a poem about how you criticised her punctuation.
I agree with everything else Tim said, except this:
Unless by “published” you mean “printed on his father’s small-scale press”. “Publishing” is a long involved process involving submissions, editors, agents, board, typesetters, marketing, sales teams, graphic design, quality control and an actual publishing house.
Given the funding, I could buy a second hand industrial book printer/binder and print whatever the hell I want, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been published or that I’m a publisher.
Self-publishing through a professional distributor/POD service such as Amazon or LuLu is a different thing entirely, and the two should never be confused or conflated.
Tim on 11 April 2013, 09:03 said:
Well sure, point is at no point when a complete copy of Eragon existed was Paolini fifteen years old. I was actually going to go back and change published to first printed there, I just forgot to.