Well, since we are all determined to be mature and post more writing-related discussions, I’ll throw this out there.

I’m winding down a scene in which my stoic male lead’s facade finally breaks down to the point where he and the female lead can get it on once. I’m just going to do a fade out for the actual sex, but the setup for it is about five times longer than I expected. Anyway, as I was writing it, it struck me just how difficult it was to portray a serious emotional shift, especially in a romantic direction, without the whole thing degenerating into sappiness or melodrama.

So, the point of this thread is to talk about ways to write such scenes without them turning mawkish and fruity.

Discuss.

I usually prefer to brainbelch (i.e., stream-of-consciousness writing) from one charactrer’s perspective, and then edit and clean up afterwards. The difficult bit is getting into your character’s mindset and making it convincingly them in such a personal form, which is where the editing comes in.

Also, I write the same scene out several different times, and sort of go with the best one, because each time you write something off the top of your head, the words come out differently and the images are a bit different oir in a different order, and of course each succssive time you write you start to narrow your focus and get a clearer idea of what you’re trying to write.

I usually prefer to brainbelch (i.e., stream-of-consciousness writing) from one charactrer’s perspective, and then edit and clean up afterwards. The difficult bit is getting into your character’s mindset and making it convincingly them in such a personal form, which is where the editing comes in.

I rather like this. It seem like most reasonable readers would forgive you even if you cross the line a little, as long as it’s done in a way that’s still honest to the character.

Something that I think really helps is reading the passage aloud; you can get a feel for the drama and the emotion this way, and you can also figure out in what tone your character is speaking.

This seems like a good idea too. I’d almost go as far as saying it would be even better to have somebody else read it out loud, just so you can see how somebody who isn’t you interprets it, since you understand your own intentions enough to color your view of it.

But the problem occurs when one is secretive about their writing, as I am, and don’t let anyone else read it. But yes, idealy, it’d be better if someone else read it aloud so that you can see what their interpretations of the passage are.

Me too X(

The few people I do share it with live, at minimum, halfway across the state. Still, would be a nice thing to try at some point. Maybe WW will have something like that XD

I’m worse at emotional scenes than anything else. It’s too easy for me to use the purplest of words to explain the characters’ feelings. I’m getting slightly better, but I still cringe when I read them. This is why I’ll never get published; I’m even too embarrassed to let myself read what I’ve written. D:

Quick! Go find someone to make out with before your writing is permanently affected!

Except not really. I doubt kissing someone would really help your kissing scenes in the long run, if non-purpleness is the only present problem.

Yeah, the word ‘saliva’ in a kissing scene always makes me gag… ;)

What’s wrong with the word? I mean, in a kissing scene, yeah, but when you’re discussing what that annoying baby covered you in…

“Take care of my heart. I’ve left it with you.”

I find that romance is like horror. Which is scarier: the monster you see or the monster you don't?
Show less, not more and you'll keep your audience in suspense and *hopefully* in your book.
That's my take anyway.

But drawing a curtain in my mind is an unfulfilling climax, especially if it is written in the POV (or third-person limited POV) of the characters in question.

I don’t quite understand what you mean. Could you elaborate a little further?

...

Why?

No guy has ever even been interested in me, let alone for making out.

How do you feel NOW, Dante? Huh, huh, huh?

(just kidding)

XDD

Win, Snow White Queen.

Aw, you shouldn’t. This is a douche-free zone, for the most part.

Anyway, we’re getting off topic.

Can anyone post an example of a really good love scene if they have access to one?

That means I’m a leader among douches.
Oh, and Literotica.com has quite a few romance scenes.

You just need to know where to look. There’s one about a couple in Boston, and the guy is the keyboardist and vocalist in a bar band. It’s quite interesting actually, and the romance took so long that I forgot that I was finding sex scenes >.<

Yeah, I went there and found this awesome one with an elderly lady and these three midgets…

edit As for more about the thread topic, I am now having to write the aftermath of the scene in the OP from the female lead’s PoV and it’s decidedly sappier than the setup. I’m hoping it’s mitigated somewhat by

A) the character herself has a romanticized view of sex and relationships in general

and

B) I am going to rain on her parade quite a bit by the end of the scene.

Still, fingers crossed that the reader doesn’t laugh or vomit or something. Although we have established that there’s not much collective experience in this thread, I would appreciate any supposition from female users about how girls tend to view it after the fact.

I don’t quite understand what you mean. Could you elaborate a little further?

If an audience has been waiting and waiting for a couple to get together, and then we draw the curtain on them before they see any gory details, two things happen:

1. All the people who have waited for this moment, only to be spared any kissing, etc., will be disappointed and revolt using fanfic. Hatemail will most likely ensue.

2. All the people who want the characters to go with different people will be happy that there isn’t any hard evidence of the pairing (the fact that you wrote the two characters together usually means you want them to be portrayed in that way, and not with different people), and will celebrate with fanfic.

so, generally, people won’t talk about romance at all they will talk about the most mundane, everyday things, because the point of the conversation isn’t what they are talking about it’s that they are talking to each other

This times a million. I just want to punch characters who sit there and tell each other how much they love each other.

I think it’s more about body language and facial expressions than it is about dialogue. And little details that people still notice, but don’t pay heaps of attention to, like a familiar scentor the way someone’s hair reflects the light. Sure, ‘new love’ might make a big deal of these things, but ‘established love’ will notice them and then move on.

You mean ‘contempt’, right?

True. I mean there is something wrong if the couple must declare their undying love for each other in every scene they appear in and wax some lyrical nonsense about how their love withstands the test of time.

I find romantic to be a lot more difficult than death. Actually, I think I find positive feelings to be a lot more difficult to write than negative ones.

Having just finished writing one with a number of negative emotions(the male lead tells the female lead that sexing her was meaningless to him, and he doesn’t care about her beyond the extent his job requires him to, from her PoV), it does seem easier than positive emotions, if only just barely.

It seemed like it was easier to create “proof” (can’t think of a better word at the moment) that the negative emotions were an appropriate response, but I still found myself asking the same questions as I did when writing the positive scenes. I just switched “Is this too sappy and melodramatic?” with “Is this too emo and melodramatic?”

"You were like my brotha Anakin! I loved you!"

"I HAAATE YOUUU!"

@ Morvius- the prequels have so much narm they’re almost a comedy. XD Fun to sit and laugh at though.

Question: what book has well written emotional scenes?

Oh yeah, that part was very well done. I really hated Catelyn for a few chapters because of that scene. ;)

Actually, I think I find positive feelings to be a lot more difficult to write than negative ones.

^^This.

Steph: It's just like with comedy ... if it can't make you laugh then you probably shouldn't put it in front of an audience.

I just wanted to add the following: One of the worst moments related to sex I ever read was in a hard (heh-heh) sci-fi book, Limit of Vision (about nanotechnology), by Linda Nagata. When a couple of characters finally got it on (bow-chicka) she kept it brief and undetailed, but actually tossed in an allusion to a blossoming lotus flower, which struck me as ... just bad.

Anyway, whenever I've done an emotional scene (like someone breaking down) I like to keep it more to someone's perspective other than the one having a breakdown.

@ Lotus metaphor: I feel like my country’s nation flower is being blackened :(

I agree that emotional scenes you write should make you emotional (weee)
Sex is never dominant in the romance part of my stories (primarily cause i keep the love on the ‘innocent and sweeter’ side), though it is hinted at

I haven’t read the article but only the excerpt, and I do prefer using verbs to represent emotions, makes the entire scene smoother and gives it more impact

Kinda like:
He broke down and fell upon the floor, sorrow swelling in his heart in immeasurable measure and tears poured forth from his eyes like the river of [add river name].

VS

He fell upon the floor sobbing uncontrollably.

And

Sorrow seemed to pulse through his veins and flow into his heart as he lifted his hand and bid his sister farewell. The weight of sorrow weighed down upon his heavy hand and wave of his heavy hand seemed to increase the pulsating sorrow. A false smile masked his sorrowful sorrow filled heart as he saw the carriage disappear into the yonder. (!)

VS

A peaceful, calm but false smile masked his face while he bid his sister farewell. The lifeless smile remained on his face as he saw the carriage disappear into the yonder. He did not move from there for a long time.

NOTE: I did not indulge in some Pao bashing there

I like to keep it more to someone’s perspective other than the one having a breakdown.

I like to write from the perspective of the one having the breakdown most of the time, though sometimes I prefer to watch from afar. I usually just stick with whatever the main character is experiencing/seeing.

I have trouble writing romance-type stuff. Any advice?