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    I should probably elaborate, since it isn’t quite a direct comparison. I don’t think most women read Twilight for sexual gratification, although titillation is one of its appeals. It’s like porn because it takes something which is(or should be) amazing and wonderful and strips away all the attendant complexity, and then presents it to the consumer as base gratification.

    In an unrelated article, Jonah Goldberg once put one of the best definitions of porn I’ve ever seen:
    “The one genre that has mastered the stringing together of unrelated or barely related scenes and facts without much care for the coherence of the narrative solely for the purpose of a visceral response in the audience is.”

    Sansa and I are both in agreement that one of the features of it is over simplicity.

    • CommentTimeDec 18th 2009

    Apparently, today was “Slap a Twilight Fan” day at my school. I personally don’t agree with slapping anyone, even Twilight fans (who don’t really deserve to be slapped- after all, the right to like books should not be scared into submission), so I went and warned all the Twilight fans I knew.
    I cam back to find another friend lecturing someone who was participating about how she was a disgrace to antis everywhere for doing this. Makes me feel better about humanity.


    Apparently, today was “Slap a Twilight Fan” day at my school.

    Most of my school would be slapped. I do agree about the wrongness though.

    • CommentTimeDec 20th 2009

    Did anybody see the “How Twilight Should Have Ended” ? I just watched it. It was worth a few laughs. :)

    This might have been posted before.. If it was I’m sorry.


    ^^That was awesome.

    I liked the flashforward to when Bella is old.

    “Hold on, spider monkey.”

    • CommentTimeDec 21st 2009

    “Let’s go eat some people! Woo!” Ta hahaha. :D


    Haha, that was hilarious. I loved Carlisle’s voice, and Alice’s everyone’s logic.

    Also, the song playing when Edward was about to make his decision (vague wording for those who haven’t watched)? It sounded like “River Flows in You.” Added bonus.


    heh, I love HiSHE. The last few minutes were worth it.

    Also, if we don’t do our crappy Twilight rip movie, then we should have a round table tearing the book apart like what this guy did to the Phantom Menance.

    • CommentTimeDec 21st 2009 edited

    Hehe, I love Cracked.

    Their latest jab at Twilight. It’s a walkthrough of the cough fanmade text adventure of the first chapter of cough Dusking Midnight! Doesn’t that sound fun, children?

    • CommentTimeDec 21st 2009

    Dusking Midnight? What does that even mean?


    What the hell’s a Midnight Sun? ‘Tis insanity, I tell you!

    • CommentTimeDec 21st 2009

    Words from a ‘New Moon’ reviewer (who might be a little controversial for some so I’m just quoting instead of linking).

    What got me were not the many teen girls in the long lines to get into the screenings or their screams at the sight of the male 20-something co-stars in the movie. (Though, I really don’t think I was this bad as a young kid when I liked Sean Cassidy in “The Hardy Boys” or as a teen when I liked Rick Springfield and Duran Duran.)

    What got me–what I found kinda laughable and pathetic–were the many (yes, many!) grown women who lined up for this and were all gaga over it. We’re talking 30-, 40-, and even 50-something women who go to a movie to see a 17-year-old (who was 16 at the time it was filmed) take his shirt off and show his chest. Isn’t there something illegal about this . . . or at least, unseemly?

    Yes, a fit man is more attractive and appealing, but these young guys with sculpted chests didn’t turn me on. They made me laugh. They were like little boys and haven’t lived. The ripples and six-pack abs were anything but masculine to me. Masculinity isn’t hours at the gym and laying off the mac-and-cheese.

    Sadly, it is to these older women I saw, who seem to be regressing in their adulthood, forsaking it altogether to feel young and be friends with their kids and kids’ friends. It’s disturbing. They’re devouring the “Twilight” books–which are essentially teen “Harlequin Romances”–and it’s (at least to me) sort of perverted. It’s definitely way beyond cheesy. And you wonder why so many female teachers have illicit affairs with their underaged male students. It’s ‘cuz we glorify it. And it’s creepy.

    If men were going to teen movies to see under-aged girls, we’d put them in the “likely to child molest” category and call them dirty old men. So, why do the women shamelessly gush over these young boys and get away with it?

    For me, there is just one word for this: Eeeuuuuwww.


    It wasn’t Armond White, was it? I didn’t read his New Moon review so I don’t know which way he’d be contrary to.

    • CommentTimeDec 21st 2009 edited

    That’s a pretty good review, I have to admit… that disturbs me as well. I mean, it’s OK for me to think Robert Pattinson is smexy (I don’t, for the record) because I’m a teenager. But for mature, adult women to fawn over him or Taylor Lautner? That’s really creepy.


    It wasn’t Armond White, was it? I didn’t read his New Moon review so I don’t know which way he’d be contrary to.

    No. The review isn’t even THAT mine-laden but, seeing what “Mark reads Twilight” lead to I figured best avoid the paths that could also lead to flame war.


    checks who it is

    Oh, her. I remember reading a review where she bitched about Watchmen being bad for kids (never mind the fact that it’s rated R).



    Dia, you weren’t actually supposed to answer… ;)

    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2009

    Sometimes I miss those sorts of things…


    RVL & Diamonte – the female edition of Abbot & Costello?

    I hope so! XD


    If men were going to teen movies to see under-aged girls, we’d put them in the “likely to child molest” category and call them dirty old men.

    This is true.

    And now, Twilight Flair:


    What’s the fine print on that last one? (team spock all the way)


    I believe it reads “because Edward and Jacob are illogical.” ;)

    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2009

    Team Tyler’s Van, that’s me!


    Team Rocket



    Go Team Venture!

    • CommentAuthorDanielle
    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2009

    Cute, loveable, head of the DA….what’s not to like?

    I grew up watching Star Trek and I think my heart just sang a little.

    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2009

    Team Rocket ftw.


    I believe it reads “because Edward and Jacob are illogical.” ;)

    Yeah, that’s what it says.

    I’ll be Team Tyler’s Van.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2009

    Hrm. I’ll take….


    Unless that means Snape has to be with Bella. In which case, he does not deserve that, so Team Tyler’s Van.


    I just made that my facebook status.

    “[NeuroticPlatypus] is Team Tyler’s Van.”

    Oh how the twitards will hate me.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2009

    Twitards are already hating me. (I posted “Twilight SUCKS” on my MSN)

    Anyway, I’m for Team Push Them Off The Cliff. And for reserve, Team Shut Up.


    Team Spock.
    Although all those are good.

    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2009 edited

    As for teams, I’ve already commented on the main site that I’m Team Fiat.


    Or, expanded, Team Forks-Is-Actually-The-Target-Of-Secret-Government-Missile-Testing-And-The-Cullenses-And-Bella-Don’t-Realise-That-All-The-Other-Forks-Folks-Are-Animatronic-Dummies-(Hence-Why-Nobody-Questioned-Edward’s-Super-Speed-In-The-First-Book-And-Why-Bella-Is-The-Only-Human-The-Vampires-Seem-To-Notice-Ever-But-Seriously-What’s-Up-With-That).

    Go Team Fiat!

    Hey, what if Tyler’s van was a Fiat?



    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2009 edited

    high fives

    down low!


    I have now found the 3rd greatest site on the internet.


    Oh, and you know this was related to breaking dawn

    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2009 edited

    Oh, I forgot that it changes over time… if you search Edward Cullen Is… You’ll still get pedo, an abusive boyfriend, a fag, a stalker, a fairy, etc.

    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2009

    The last one was around long before Twilight, by the way.


    aahh, cheers for the true bloodsuckers.

    Heheh, they’re really cute. :D


    I saw the first 45 minutes of Twilight.

    If they had billed it as a comedy, it would have been absolute genius.


    It’s been more than a year since I’ve watched it, and I still can’t comprehend how “THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER!” was meant to be taken seriously.

    • CommentTimeJan 2nd 2010

    Yeah, since when do killers sparkle prettily? I mean, can you imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Friday the 13th or Night of the Living Dead if the deranged psycho killers/monsters/zombies sparkled?!


    I thought the whole point of slasher films was how horribly deformed the killers were, like Freddy Krueger or Leatherface or whatever. How is sparkling scary?

    • CommentTimeJan 2nd 2010 edited

    I think that one of the most unrealistic parts of Edward’s character is indeed his virgin status. Especially when you consider he attracts women like a magnet.


    I just had a terrible thought involving bigamy and multiple single vampire mothers.


    Ok, now I’m morbidly curious as to what exactly that thought was. Do tell!


    I got a series of New Moon gag gifts from a bunch of my cousins for Christmas, which I thought was pretty funny. We tried to play a drinking game using the New Moon: The Movie: The Boardgame(take a drink every time you answer a question wrong or fail a challenge). I poured a shot of Jameson at the beginning and didn’t have to touch it until I threw it back to celebrate my glate victoly.


    I just had a terrible thought involving bigamy and multiple single vampire mothers.

    Ooh, what is it! Pray tell, for I fear my head should explode if you don’t.


    There are now New Moon candy bars! My aunt had some, and she has no idea what Twilight is, so she called them “moon candy.” They are actually very good, sadly.

    How Twilight Works.


    Today I had a really weird idea for a writing project. Maybe a short story, because it’s not enough for a novel…

    Anyway, Edward and Bella often discuss how their love is like an addicting drug. Well, people don’t stay on that high forever…some users eventually fall out of love with their drug habit and try to quit. What would happen if Bella realized that the relationship she was involved in wasn’t right, was completely destroying her senses, and tried to get out?

    I was bored during Sustained Silent Reading today so I wrote a page on it, just to see if it would work out. The jury’s (aka me) still out on it, but I thought it might be an interesting thing to bring up.


    Ooh, I think you could run with that. :D


    I had to share this=.

    Jonah: I’m sick of vampires because of their pop-culture everpresence. They’ve become downright boring. Ubiquity really is a dilemma for them, too. I mean this in a scientific sense. Consider the problem of predator-prey population imbalances. Vampires are hard to kill. They reproduce (i.e., pass on their vampirism) easily and (in the movies) frequently. At what point do they outnumber people?

    Sending him a link to you know what in 5… 4… 3…


    I had a nightmare about Edward Cullen posters. I dreamed that my mom put two of them up in my room. One was on my closet door. He had those crazy eye things glued over his eyes, and he was able to look around the room and widen his eyes. The other one was on the wall above my bed. It was completely flat, but it made facial expressions and stared at me. It was creepy.

    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2010

    My English teacher got a life sized cardboard cutout of Robert Pattinson/Edward Cullen. And she put it up because she loves Twilight. :(

    Creepy dream, NP.


    My English teacher doesn’t like Twilight, but she did have a poster of Kristen and RPattz read it last year because it was so popular and it encouraged reading.

    And yeah, that dream creeped me out. I think in the end I ripped down the posters.

    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2010

    Good that you took them down… but who put them up in the first place?....


    In the dream, my mom did. I have no idea why. When I went to my room, they were just all there. She also cut up some other posters that I had.

    Anyway, my mom knows I hate Twilight, so she would never do that in real life.

    • CommentTimeJan 6th 2010 edited

    My homeroom teacher used to have a Twilight movie poster hanging in her class. It was recently replaced by one for Avatar though.

    My mother’s friends have been trying to get her into Twilight but she insists it’s just not her type of book.


    My cousin is really into them. She saw New Moon twice already. She does realize that some of it’s creepy though.


    I was given a poster of the Cullens for Christmas, but I’m not sure if I’m going to hang it up. On the one hand, it’s Twilight and I hate it, but on the other, I respect the effort that went into gag-giving it to me and the actress who plays Rosalie is a babe.


    My cousin also loves Twilight. When we went to her house, she wanted to show me and my sister and my brother the movie.

    Well, we did warn her that we would be alternately commenting, laughing, and yelling at the screen because the characters are so stupid.

    (My poor cousin’s brother joined us and was a very valuable addition to our hater party, but I’m sure he’s subjected to it more than we are.)


    actress who plays Rosalie Alice is a babe.

    Fixed for you. ;-)


    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2010

    Bella looks like a guy… Oo


    Well, I’ll give Alice’s actress credit for actually pulling off a pixie hairstyle, which seems diffucult, but she lacks dem curves that Rosalie’s actress has.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJan 8th 2010

    Why does Edward in that pic suddenly remind me of Elvis? Was that hair intentional?



    I think Spunk is a pretty cool guy, but his face looks like a foot.




    Spoiler Warning

    Oh wait, that’s the wrong twilight.

    • CommentTimeJan 11th 2010 edited

    Relating to what Nate posted:


    • CommentTimeJan 11th 2010


    The whole video is good, but go to 5:15 for Meyer’s visions of Bella compared with Meyer herself.




    I also applaud sansafro for what he said at the end of page 5 of this thread.


    Thanks, Steph, I had to look back and read it again.

    Can’t you leave the past alone? Sheesh.


    I had to go back and read it as well, since I forgot what I said. Good job, me.


    More. I discovered this site thanks to NP and the Absolutely Random thread.


    ^^I love that. I think I posted it earlier here too.

    “Presenting ‘Pants.’”


    Really late, but:

    Ok, now I’m morbidly curious as to what exactly that thought was. Do tell!

    What if Edward wasn’t a virgin? What if Bella is just one in a string of human girls that he used and discarded?

    That would be the most awesome fanfic ever.

    @The Oatmeal/Twilight Link

    Captures it perfectly. I LOVE YOU, WEREPIG!


    Team Werepig!


    Read this on Facebook yesterday, which made me laugh:

    Today, my younger sister and I had a ‘who can make the better family’ contest on our Sims 3 game. She made the cullen family, and I made the Potter family. Edward died because he couldn’t figure out how to get out of the pool. I think we can figure out who won. MLIA ——————- this is sooooo funny! :D xxx


    ^^Hahaha! And the funny thing is (don’t know if you play the Sims), on the Sims 1 & 2, sims needed ladders to get out of the pool, or they’d drown. In the Sims 3, they can climb out without one, just using the side.

    I’m a Sim nerd.

    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2010

    Edward died because he couldn’t figure out how to get out of the pool.

    I think that captures Twilight nicely. >:D

    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2010

    Edward would probably freeze the pool with his “Ice cold skin”.

    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2010

    Or sink to the bottom, what with being an Adonis ‘n’ all.


    Scroll down to… well you’ll see it.

    “When the vampires on campus would rather bake in their weed than drink blood, life is pretty mellow. Well, except for the occasional scraps with the werewolves, but as long as they vacuum up afterward, the vamps are cool with it. What’s worse is the furry fan down the hall who’s convinced he’s a werewolf, but isn’t. If the vampires didn’t need him to handle the UV lights for growing their stash (vaporized limbs are a real downer), they’d drain his blood like that…if they weren’t out getting more snack cakes for the munchies.”


    I love that.


    This is so incredibly stupid, you have to laugh.

    It does make one wonder… what other improbably crossovers would you like to see?

    Twilight + Evangelion perhaps?


    Thanks much, Nate. ;)

    • CommentTimeJan 20th 2010

    “Stop doing that! Stop taking your shirt off!”