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Twilight: Improve Twilight

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    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeJun 6th 2009
     

    I’m a Firefly/Serenity fan. Summer Glau as Bella would be awesome beyond compare.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 6th 2009
     

    Heck, Summer Glau was great as an emotionalless android in Terminator so she would be great as an expressionless teenager with hormone issues.

  3.  

    Summer Glau would improve Twilight. But if I was asked to pick who is most like Bella, Jewel Statie all the way. (yes, I prefer Kaylee over River)

    • CommentAuthorAri
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     
    Or um....the other one. Mel's sort of love interest, who's the companion? :P She'd be an awesome Bella. Well, at least a good looking one.
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     
    Heck, I say they just have a robot play Bella.
  6.  

    See page 1 :D

  7.  
    Terminators are way too sophisticated. I think an ENIAC would do the job just as well, if not better
    •  
      CommentAuthorArtimaeus
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009 edited
     

    Or um….the other one. Mel’s sort of love interest, who’s the companion? :P She’d be an awesome Bella. Well, at least a good looking one.

    I believe it’s Inara that you’re thinking of.

    I don’t know about her as Bella. She seems to be better suited for characters with poise and grace. Not clumsy, self-conscious 16-year-olds. But she is very good looking. (I’ll be in my bunk)

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     

    Heh, if she played Bella that would have at least made the movie tolerable in one department.

    •  
      CommentAuthorRT3
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     

    I like Stewart, the role just sucks. I think if you played Bella it would make the movie tolerable in every department, Sly.

    •  
      CommentAuthorArtimaeus
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     

    Question: Was there ever a movie adaptation of Anne Rice books staring Tom Cruise?

  12.  
    Yep. With Brad Pitt too, if I'm not mistaken.
    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     

    Question: Was there ever a movie adaptation of Anne Rice books staring Tom Cruise?

    Yes. Interview With a Vampire.

    • CommentAuthorLord Snow
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     

    Pretty good movie.

  15.  
    How about the book itself?
    • CommentAuthorLord Snow
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2009
     

    I read it a really long time ago, I honestly don’t remember.

    •  
      CommentAuthorCGilga
    • CommentTimeJun 8th 2009
     

    I remember it being good, but it’s been a while.

    As for improving Twilight, I have one sentence. Replace Edward with Blade.

  18.  

    As for improving Twilight, I have one sentence. Replace Edward with Blade.

    No: Replace Bella with Blade.
    “To me, you’re just another dead vampire…”

    •  
      CommentAuthorCGilga
    • CommentTimeJun 8th 2009
     

    Nate. I love you. That was…completely awesome.

  20.  

    If we replace Bella with Summer Glau, then we need Alan Tudyk. I don’t care what he is, but his mere presence would jump the awesome score by several hundred points.

    Or, alternatively, ignore Bella and Edward entirely and focus solely on Angela and Ben. But, knowing SMeyer, she’d probably mess up a good thing…

  21.  

    For those who haven’t seen, Cracked’s article on Twilight:
    http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/

    It also has the original book cover:

  22.  

    Was just going to post this, but you beat me to it :D

    A quote:
    Edward, being a thirteen-year-old girl, thinks Bella has died and goes to Italy to commit suicide. He attempts to do this by exposing himself to the sun at noon in an Italian town. Since sunlight doesn’t actually harm Twilight vampires, one must assume that Edward is hoping some macho Italians will see him in at full sparkle and beat him to death for being gay.

  23.  

    lols.

  24.  

    You know, I was wondering how Edward’s plan was going to get him killed. Now it all makes sense.

  25.  

    I think I just threw up insinde my mouth a little

  26.  

    I think I just threw up insinde my mouth a little

    You know empress… there’s a joke there about you and your babies I’m sure…

  27.  

    @Nate Winchester – hahaha no, they dont. it would mess the babies up. (i put it this way because i dont want to start a long – winded lecture on falcon parenting:P) They bring the kill to the nest and there they tear it to tiny bits and feed it to the hatchlings

  28.  

    Yes FE, back to ways on improving twilight.

  29.  

    WIN!!

  30.  
    I still think the dinosaur one was better. For one thing, the dinosaur isn't immediately apparent.
  31.  

    Yes, but Robert Patterson was killed by Voldy in HP4.

  32.  

    PATTINSON.

  33.  

    Huh, I had spelled it right the first time.

    Stupid spell check.

  34.  

    Spell check is retarded. I never use it.

  35.  
    M'kay this one is slightly serious.
    1) rewrite the books, duh
    2) Make him loser out at the end of Twilight and not be able to suck the venom out (I always wondered why Edward!Twinkle, the one vampire who was the most attracted to her smell, HAD to be the one to suck out the venom. I mean...(at least in the movie) Carlyle was right there....dewd. But anyway...fix it so that he had to be the only one, and make him fail)
    3) Bella -->Vampire
    4) Then *gasp* She doesn't like him! Turns out all the stuff he was saying about, "The only reason you're attracted to me is because I'm designed to be attractive to catch human-noms." Once she's a vampire, that all stops.
    5) Come up with some OTHER plot beyond Teh Epic Romancezzz
    But anyway, Thank you all for making my day with those previous ideas. :) Makes me SMILE!!
  36.  

    6) Nazi Dinosaur riders facing Mecha-Stalin.
    7) Abrupt genre change to kung-fu musical.
    8) Christopher Lee.

    You forgot some :D

  37.  

    9) More cowbell.

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    I suggest purple and orange-polka dotted sparkles.

  39.  

    Edward needs to struggle more. He didn’t really seem to in the books; he was more like: “I’M DANGEROUS; DEAL WITH IT!!” And then he never showed any signs of a struggle against himself, against what he was.

    •  
      CommentAuthorCGilga
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    10) Plot Twist. Edward turns out to not be Mecha-Stalin

  41.  

    But, in fact, Mech-Streisand!

  42.  

    11) To make money, one of the Cullens sell themselves on eBay as sculptures

  43.  

    12) Aliens mind-control everyone by sticking space worms in their brains.

    (sounds like Scientology but it’s actually The Host)

  44.  

    13) Edward reflects the light from is sparkly skin and fires it as a laser.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    14) Edward is captured by Palpatine, and becomes the basis for the Death Star’s laser.

  46.  

    15) Edward catches on fire from the intense energy and dies. Everyone cheers, except for Bella, who commits suicide, causing everyone else to cheer even louder.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    Basically anything that makes the series end on a sad note instead of the cop-out everyone gets what they want ending would have improved it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    Honestly, though, I think SMeyer originally intended to have it end sadly—look at all the references to Wuthering Heights and Romeo and Juliet—and then was too intimidated or sommat by the rabid fangirls to do it.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2009
     

    Yeah, but they didn’t like Breaking Dawn anyways. Authors should never, ever pander to their audience. Just makes the book worse. Gah.

  50.  
    16) and there will be much rejoicing
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Edward should totally be a disco ball! Hanging from he ceiling and sparkling, while doing kickass dance moves.

  52.  

    And all while upside down.

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    YEAH!

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    While doing the moonwalk.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Backwards!

    •  
      CommentAuthorCGilga
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Is there any other way?

  57.  

    Actually I think if Edward did all that, he’d travel back in time.

  58.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorCorsair
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     
    Uh, no, it would not. We already have one case of pedophilia in the books. You think Edward wouldn't travel back to about 12 years ago and look at Loli Bella through her window and salivate?
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    Actully I was thinking dinosaurs…

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    ...oh god now you have me imagining Edward having sex with a Stegosaurus. NO.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    ...oh god now you have me imagining Edward having sex with a Stegosaurus. NO.

    Jeez, whats wrong with you guys? I was thinking Vampire dinosaurs that sparkle.

    •  
      CommentAuthorCorsair
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     
    Dinosaur pedophilia. Discuss.
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    This isn’t exactly improving Twilight is it?

    •  
      CommentAuthorCorsair
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     
    No, but it is funny.
    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2009
     

    You guys are sick.

  67.  

    I wouldn’t be so hasty puppet.

    Though it is funny how we’ve now come full circle back to the opening pic.

    Dinosaurs indeed…

  68.  

    “You guys are sick.”

    You know you love us.

  69.  

    Great, now I have a mental picture of Ed jumping on top of a dinosaur and… EW!!!

  70.  
    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    So, which is your favourite dinosaur?
    I like Gallimimus and Deinonychus, but Brachiosaurus and the Steggy are pretty awesome too. And Protoceratops is so very cute.

  72.  

    I like Velociraptor, although my dino-expert brother tells me they’re weren’t really as awesome in real life as they were in Jurassic Park. Stupid scientific inaccuracies.

    I just like raptors in general. Freakin’ awesome!

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Velociraptor’s are freaking awesome. Twilight would be much better if Edward hunted Dinosaurs.

  74.  

    No, if the dinosaurs hunted Edward.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Or if Twilight just didn’t have Edward. :P

  76.  

    Or shagged them… I mean, look at his wife/girlfriend; she has the personality of a dinosaur… Or, at least the personality one would get to know before gett ing eaten… Damn, that made no sense at all… ;P

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 27th 2009
     

    Jurassic Park’s Velociraptors are more similar to Deinonychus. Actual raptors were considerably smaller.

  78.  

    That’s what I meant by ‘scientifically inaccurate’.

  79.  

    I like Utahraptor and Dromiceomimus almost as much as I like T-Rex.

  80.  

    My brother does a mean T-Rex impersonation.

  81.  

    ankylosaurus all the way.

    tanks of the dino world (plus they’re one of the best monsters in monsterpocalypse)

  82.  

    Improved ending to Breaking Dawn:

  83.  
  84.  

    Oh God, that was wonderful!! :D

  85.  

    stupid laptop doesn’t have flash stupid youtube needs flash… mumble mumble mumble… Yes, it was great!

  86.  

    THAT WAS EPIC!!!

    ‘You know, being stalked isn’t really a turn-on for most girls.’

    If only Buffy was Bella, then Twilight would be a hundred times better. This was awesome!! Thanks for showing.

  87.  

    You know, several people wonder if Renesme will grow up to kill her parents, since she is a half-and-half.

  88.  

    Oh God, that would be HILARIOUS!

  89.  

    I smell a plot bunny!

  90.  

    Awesome :D

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2009
     

    She will become the new Sue by killing the old one.

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2009
     

    I don’t know if this has been posted before, but mahahahahahaha.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2009
     

    Yeah, somebody just posted it today. :P

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2009
     

    ...oh.

    <<
    >>

    SHH.

    I HAVE A PATHOLOGICAL INABILITY TO CLICK ON LINKS.

  95.  

    That was…wow. Really well done, too. Everything fit together pretty well.

  96.  

    She will become the new Sue by killing the old one.

    There can be only one…

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  99.  

    Oh God, the dark, dank corner of FF; the twilight fandom… Shudder

  100.  

    And if you think that was dark and dank…

    This is as deep as Emmett gets

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