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General Reading: D:LT Reviews on Amazon

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      CommentAuthorAmelie
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009 edited
     

    Here are three particularly entertaining reviews of D:LT that I found on Amazon. D:LT’s Amazon page is here.

    “Kenneth Eng is an author for our times, and “Dragons: Lexicon Triumverate” is a novel for our times. Concerned with heady concepts like the nature of reality, logical evolution, and how dragons are totally wicked sweet, Eng’s book is a tour-de-force of barely-constrained fetishism, and an observant reader can imagine precisely when Eng’s hands left the keyboard to begin frenetically masturbating over his own furious fantasies of being a mighty scaled warlord and totally slaughtering tons of humans. Basically what you wind up with is a fantasy novel as penned by your average MySpace user; disjointed, full of ridiculous concepts and pseudo-intellectual rhetoric, all wrapped up in a tight bundle of self-righteousness and topped off with a delicious cherry of incoherence. I’ve seen heavy metal album covers that had more substance.”

    “After reading Eragon and nearly throwing up, I finally found a book about dragons that’s actually, well, good. A dragon Dennagon wents to know everything and so he looks for this thing called the Lexicon before the humans can find it. He’s got these Technodragons fighting him, which were really cool because they had like these cyborg laser cannons and “quantum mechanics” brains. Really makes you think about consciousness and knowledge. The writing is a little heavy though. He talks a lot about stuff I didn’t really understand. But the fight scenes and the shootout at the end makes it all worthwhile. I’d much rather see a movie of this though.It’s also original. I mean, when have I ever seen a book that was all about dragons? Great concept. I’m waiting for the sequel.”

    “This book is about Dennagon who finds a female dragon named Lyconel who is searching for this thing called the Lexicon. It has surreal imagery and stuff. Action sequences were pretty cool. Reminded me of anime kind of stuff. Take it from me, I’m a Harvard grad and I say DLT is the best sci fi out there.”

    Discuss. Or you can just laugh, that’s okay too.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- OK, I’m done now. Yeah, I was worried there for a sec that this was an honest review. In which case I would have to go throw up for a while.

    •  
      CommentAuthorAmelie
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    No, actually, these are three separate honest reviews. Well, the first one is skeptical, but I think the last two might be completely serious.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    Oh.

    deflates

    Never mind, then. You’ll have to excuse me while I go hang over the toilet and hurl for a while.

    •  
      CommentAuthorAmelie
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    It’s ok, I’ve used up an entire box tissues so far, weeping for humanity.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    The last two are fake, actually.

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      CommentAuthorAmelie
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    Thank goodness. I can stop crying now.

  8.  

    They’re all fake.

  9.  

    Ok, a prize to the II users who put those up.

    Basically what you wind up with is a fantasy novel as penned by your average MySpace user; disjointed, full of ridiculous concepts and pseudo-intellectual rhetoric, all wrapped up in a tight bundle of self-righteousness and topped off with a delicious cherry of incoherence.

    It’s sad because it’s true. =*(

  10.  

    4.0 out of 5 stars Courtesy of Teens Read Too, April 1, 2007
    [completely unnecessary plot summary that recaps the back-of-book blurb here]

    DRAGONS: LEXICON TRIUMVIRATE is a book that’s got it all. It has the fantasy elements of a kingdom run by dragons, who are engaged in an ongoing war with humans. It has science fiction in the form of time-travel and mechanized fighting dragons. It has arguments about assorted topics in the field of physics, including the nature of time and space. It has wild fight scenes among dragons, mechanized dragons, and other assorted creatures, including dinosaurs (time-travel, remember?) and hydras. It has corrupt government conspiracies. Like I said, this book has it all.

    And having it all is exactly what I didn’t like about DRAGONS: LEXICON TRIUMVIRATE. Perhaps my world view is too narrow because I don’t want a book that includes everything. I found myself exhausted every time I started reading. There were just too many genres represented. The writing style was also a challenge. Instead of saying something simple like, “`Surrender or die,’ his captor ordered,” this book says, “`Surrender or be annihilated,’ were the conditions of the dominating party.” (p. 167). And I was always annoyed when the characters slipped into discussions of obscure topics in physics.

    While I was not a fan of how this story was told, I can definitely see how it would appeal to other readers. Some people who aren’t as narrow minded as I am would probably really enjoy the creative mixture of science fiction and fantasy elements. For those readers, this would doubtless be a real hit. And for those who enjoy theoretical discussions of the problems of time-travel, DRAGONS: LEXICON TRIUMVIRATE offers a great deal of food for thought.

    Reviewed by: K. Osborn Sullivan

    Emphasis mine.

    I honestly can’t tell if he’s a sockpuppet or if he’s actually serious.

  11.  
    Teensreadtoo is real, I think. But they gave a positive review to Swordbird, so who knows?
    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    They also gave a positive review to Maradonia. They must exist only to give positive reviews.

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      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2009
     

    Um. I think they must be real. Or maybe a sock, because saying “My view is too narrow because this book is SO AWESOME and has EVERYTHING and I can’t handle its AWESOMENESS” is sort of like Dr. Merlin’s thing about how anyone who has a Mary Sue who is so pretty that it’s like a disability because everyone hates her or wants to have sex with her. She suggests keelhauling for such idiocy.

  14.  

    Yeah…on the one hand, the review did point out some actual problems with the book, but on the other, who admits to being narrow-minded while reading a book?

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    I love the first one. The second one: is he being sarcastic or serious? I honestly can’t tell. The third… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAgaspchokewheezevomit.

  16.  

    Hey, yeah, you should so totally check out Twilight. It has like sparkles and stuff. Take it from me, I’m a Harvard grad.

  17.  
    They've got a website. Maybe they get paid to write good reviews?

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