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You know the woman who wrote Antigua? This one’s by her husband! It has flying dinosaurs and a giant gorilla! And a teenager watching television in the living room in her ballet dress!
READ THE PREVIEW.
...There’s a missing quotation bracket right on the first page. Brilliant. It’s like the person who wrote it has no concept of—well, duh. It’s on ImpishIdea, of course she has no knowledge of writing.
Look, I know the publishing world can be a harsh place and difficult to break into, but there is a reason we have real publishers and editors. And it is for people who can’t write opening paragraphs and don’t know how to use commas and quotation marks.
EDIT: OH MY WORD REAL QUOTE YOU GUYS: “You are a handsome and a hot guy.” I already hate the character this refers to. Also, the girl saying it is supposedly a sixteen-year-old “gymnist”. Now, I know it’s been ages since I was sixteen (read: three years), but I’m almost entirely certain such words would never have left my mouth ever. Even if for some reason I did tell a friend he was handsome and hot, I certainly wouldn’t have said it in such an awfully stilted way.
Apparently “handsome” is a noun; at least according to that quote.
So Swenson! Are you sure this hypothetical guy would be a handsome, not just handsome? There must be a difference!
Of course you focus on the stilted way she talks, but not on the bizarre mannar she climbs a tree onto the roof and knocks on his window to get an invitation into his house. Is this supposed to be like male platonic best friend in Clarissa Explains it All who kept climbing up a ladder into her window?
Well, there was that too. But for whatever reason the freakish dialogue just grabbed my eye.
I can already say about that first few paragraphs, it just feels like their house is Grand Central Station. Everyone is introduced in the first five minutes. Good grief I want to spork this thing.
@Soupnazi – unfortunately I mistyped. It’s actually “You are handsome and a hot guy.” Would’ve been funnier the other way around!
I just wanted to know more about the 19th century widow poisoning children in the basement while serving tea and cookies upstairs. How, exactly, does she do both at one? And Mrs. Pendleton has been with them since they were babies and never done anything like that (except, of course, for the missing sibling). That response just such an odd juxtaposition!