Yes, I am so bored and so angered by how terrible this book is I have decided to point out everything I can find that is wrong with it.

Prologue: Shade of Fear

This book is terrible from, believe it or not, the very first sentence.

“Wind howled through the night, carrying a scent that would change the world.” (Paolini p.1)

- With a first sentence like that it is easy to take this book seriously.

“He looked human” – (p.1)

- Since all humans look exactly the same readers can easily picture what the Shade looks like.

“Stop whoever is coming… or die.” – (p.1)

- Since all of his readers are incompetent, Christopher Paolini just has to make sure we can understand that this extremely complex character is evil.

“The monsters hurried into the brush, grunting as the hid.” – (p. 1)

- True masters of stealth.

“He remained unnaturally quite, a long pale sword in hand… hack through the hardest armor.” – (p.1)

-Hmm… This sounds familiar… “Slid forward on silent feet… The pale sword… sliced through ringmail as if it were silk.” – A Game of Thrones (Martin p.10)

“The [sword] was thin enough to slip between a pair of ribs,” – (p.1) (Yes,6 problems with page 1.)

- Just about every sword is. Thanks, Paolini, for more meaningless detail.

“the Urgals shrank back, motionless.” – (p.2)

- No sarcastic comment for this one. It’s just impossible to shrink back without moving.

“They were tools,” – (p.2)

-Yes, yes they were. You got it right for once, Paolini! (Sorry)

“Three white horses with riders cantered toward the ambush, their heads held high and proud, their coats rippling in the moonlight like liquid silver.” – (p.2)

-Again, masters of stealth.

“Elven lady,” – (p.2) “Elven lady,” – (p.3) “She leapt off the animal with inhuman speed.” (p.3)

-I don’t think I am intelligent enough to figure out if she is an elf or human. Please help, CP.

“A cry tore from the elf’s lips” – (p.3) “The elf pulled open the pouch,” – (p.4) “Flew toward the elf,” – (p.4) “strode to the elf.” – (p.4)“unconscious elf.” – (p.4) “After tying the elf” – (p.5)

- Thanks, CP! I knew I could count on you!

“spoken in a wretched language only he knew” – (p.4)

- Umm… Right… Definition of language: The words, their pronunciation, and the methods of combining them used and understood by a community.

Discovery

“he strung his bow” – (p.7)

- Eragon is hunting a deer. The moment he sees the deer is when he decides to string the bow. Stringing a bow is hard work and is usually something you would do before you set out hunting. It is not something that can be done in a few seconds. It is extremely inopportune to string a bow once the deer you have been tracking is in sight. Christopher Paolini obviously has no idea what he is talking about.

“drew three arrows and nocked one, holding the others in his left hand.” – (p.7)

- Holding two arrows along with a bow in one hand is extremely uncomfortable and would make your shots extremely inaccurate. A skilled hunter, like Eragon supposedly is, would not do this. Either CP, again, has no idea what he is talking about or Eragon has a secret third arm.

“He cursed and spun around, instinctively nocking another arrow.” – (p.7)

- There is absolutely no reason Eragon would need to spin around to nock an arrow. Not only is the thought of having to spin around to nock an arrow ridiculous but that would then mean he loses the sight of the target. This is definitely not something he would want to do.

“Eragon watched for danger for several long minutes… Cautiously, he released the tension from his bow and moved forward.” – (p.7)

-What happened to Eragon the brave, who was the only hunter who dared hunt in the Spine? He is so brave that he stares at a blue stone for several minutes with an arrow pulled, afraid it is dangerous.

“He nudged it with an arrow, then jumped back.” – (p.7)

- So brave!

“The stone was cool and frictionless” – (p.7)

- No. It wasn’t. Nothing can be frictionless. If it was frictionless it would slip out of his fingers and slide around the world forever.

“Where did it come from? Does it have a purpose? … Was it sent here by accident or am I meant to have it?” – (p.8)

-These are supposed to be questions the reader asks him or her self. CP is so worried that the reader is to dumb to think about it on their own that he actually shoves them into the book.

“It weighed several pounds, though it felt lighter than it should have… It would be tiresome to carry.” – (p.8)

-Apparently, the almighty Eragon is daunted by the thought of carrying a few extra pounds. Even though he can keep an arrow pulled on he bow for several long minutes, which is no easy task. As you will notice, Christopher Paolini just loves contradicting himself.

Palancar Valley

“The sun rose the next morning with a glorious conflagration of pink and yellow.” – (p.9)

- Definition of conflagration: A large destructive fire. No, CP, the sun rise was not a glorious, large, and destructive inferno.

“You refuse to sell to me!” – (p.13)

-The butcher just refused to sell meat to Eragon so Eragon decides to say this. Thanks, captain obvious.

“He was Carvahall’s smith.” – (p.13)

- Carvahall as a small farmer town. Exactly the kind of town that would not have a blacksmith.

“the two of you were almost at blows” – (p.15)

-Things in the book get overly dramatic very fast. This was an argument about how to pay for meat.

“But that’s no reason to refuse payment.” – (p.18)

- Yes, it is so terrible that somebody doesn’t trade large amounts of meat for a pretty rock. Especially when nobody knows it’s worth.

Dragon Tales

“Beside the bed was a row of shelves covered with objects he had collected… twisted pieces of wood… bits of shells… rock that had broken to reveal shiny interiors, and strips of dry grass tied into knots… a root so convoluted he never tired of looking at it.” – (p.19)

- I actually feel bad for Eragon. Sadly, this is the only time in the entire story.

“I’m sure there was a good reason for what she did; I only wish I knew what it was.” – (p.20)

- More things the reader is supposed to think about their selves being shoved into the book.

“Who was his father?” – (p.20)

- Again… CP, do you really think we are so dumb that you have to tell us what to think? If your story is at all good the reader should care enough to ask this themselves.

“Which he devoured hungrily.” – (p.20)

- The only time you ever devour something is when you are hungry…

“What happened to make them like this? And why are they so late?” – (p.23)

- Yet again, CP shoves questions you should be able to think about yourself into the text.

“harder even than diamond.” – (p.24)

- The only way to find that out is to break a diamond with the stone. According to the book the trader did not do that.

“I doubt I could do anything to harm this stone, even if I took a hammer to it.” – (p.25)

- Obviously, if the stone is harder than diamond a hammer wouldn’t do anything.

“Two boys from Carvahall wrestled nearby, but he felt no inclination to join them.” – (p.27)

-This is completely useless information. Unless CP is trying to tell us that on most occasions Eragon would not pass up wrestling with young boys, this does not need to be in the book.

“The shiny-black Urgal horns, their twisted span as great as his outstretched arms.” – (p.27)

- Urgals are previously described in the novel as resembling thick men. These horns are ridiculously sized in comparison to the size of an Urgal.

“The Empire” – (p.28)

-Really, CP? Couldn’t think of a name for your own evil controlling government so you took it from Star Wars?

“‘There’s going to be trouble if they stay much longer.’ ‘For us or them?’ ‘Them,’” -(p.30)

- This is a comment on a simple political argument in a bar with some traders. Good job attacking people for having different beliefs.

“Through their training he passed. Exceeding all others in skill. Gifted with a sharp mind and strong body, he quickly took his place among the Riders’ ranks. Some saw his abrupt rise as dangerous and warned others, but the Riders had grown arrogant in their power and ignored caution. Alas, sorrow was conceived that day.” – (p.32)

- Where have I heard this before? Oh, yes, Star Wars. This is the story of Darth Vader. How could I forget?

Fate’s Gift

“So was I meant to have it?” – (p.35)

- Gah… Again… Questions that are not supposed to be read, but thought. (By the reader… Not Eragon…)

“The rocking stopped; the stone became quiet.” – (p.36)

- The “stone” is moving and squeaking but Eragon still thinks it’s a stone. How can CP go on about how smart Eragon is when he can’t figure out the moving, squeaking, oval shaped container is not a stone?

Awakening

“The dragon was no longer than his forearm, yet it was dignified and noble.” – (p.38)

- These things have nothing to do with each other. Length is in no way connected to dignity and nobility.

“But not a stone, he realized, an egg.” – (p.38)

- A chapter too late.

“he made a noose and slipped it over the dragons head… then untied the noose from its neck and fashioned a makeshift harness for its legs so the dragon would not strangle itself.” – (p.41)

- Why on earth would he even think of making a noose for his dragon?

“Both Garrow and Roran noted his behavior and asked why he spent so much time outside.” – (p.44)

- Eragon is a poor farm boy. I am assuming he has always spent much of his time outside, seeing how there would have been nothing else to do.

Tea For Two

“‘Ah, I see you didn’t know your namesake,’ said Brom. ‘Why was I named after an elf?’” – (p.50)

- Because CP thought it would be sweet if it was totally obvious you were destined to be the greatest dragon rider ever and the first of the new generation.

“‘It took our ancestors another three centuries to arrive here and join the Riders.’ ‘That can’t be,’ protested Eragon. ‘We’ve always lived in Palancar Valley.” – (p.51)

- I can’t comprehend how CP can describe Eragon as smart when things like this keep happening.

“Eragon scowled” – (p.51)

- Yes, Eragon is scowling because Brom corrected his ridiculous logic. Apparently his ego is so large that he gets angry when it is dented, even a little bit.

“This was his home, regardless who his father was!” – (p.51)

- Nobody ever said otherwise…

“So where did my dragon come from?” – (p.52)

- Not again…

A Name of Power

“I want to marry.” – (p.57) “He shook his head, but whether with amazement or anger, he knew not.” – (p.57) “Roran’s announcement has put him in a foul mood.” – (p.58) “As he talked his voice grew steadily louder until he was yelling pointlessly into the air.” – (p.58) “then ineffectually punched the ground.” – (p.58)

- You want to leave, get married, and be happy!? But you can’t! It’s a small inconvenience to me! Besides, I’m the only thing that is important! I’m a friggin’ dragon rider!

“You are a she!” – (p.58)

- Thanks, captain!

A Miller-To-Be

“It’s madness.” – (p.58)

- Madness? This is Sparta! Kicks Eragon down endless pit (Sorry)

“She understood him better than anyone else.” – (p.60)

- Screw family, I have a dragon!

“I have words for both of you. It’s time I said them, as you are entering the world. Heed them and they will serve you well… First, let no on rule your mind or body. Take special care that your thoughts remain unfettered. One may be a free man and yet be bound tighter than a slave. Give men your ear, but not your heart. Show respect for those in power, but don’t follow them blindly. Judge with logic and reason, but comment not. Consider none your superior, whatever their rank or station in life. Treat all fairly or they will seek revenge. Be careful with your money. Hold fast to you beliefs and others will listen. Of the affairs of love… my only advice is to be honest. That’s your most powerful tool to unlock a heart or gain forgiveness. That is all I have to say.” – (p.64)

- What a wonderful, exceedingly corny, completely unrealistic, and longwinded prepared speech! This totally isn’t a dead give away for what will happen next.

“Eragon collapsed to the ground.” – (p.68)

- The sight of two men with swords coming after him was enough to make him pass out… This is the first time of many. CP loves the idea of people fainting.

Flight of Destiny

“Stop it! Garrow will hear!” – (p.71)

- Eragon was just going to show Saphira to Garrow anyway. Why would it matter?

“Garrow has to be warned. Turn Around!” – (p.71)

- But you just tried to make sure he didn’t hear…

“He gasped as excruciating pain seared through his legs, sending tears to his eyes.” – (p.72)

- Eragon cries very often throughout this book. This is only the first time.

“Stars danced in his eyes as he slid over a rock, but he managed to hold on.” – (p.73-74)

- He almost passed out again. I wont add this to the overall count. I just wanted to point out that he was this close.

“He closed his eyes and felt a single tear slide down his face.” – (p.74)

- He cries again just two pages away from the first incident. Not only does he cry, this time it is a single tear. This is a huge fantasy stereotype and it saddens me beyond belief to actually read the words: single tear. Total cry count: 2.

The Doom of Innocence

“Our wyrds – or fates – bind us” – (p.76)

- Why would you write a word just to have to define it because you thinknobody knows what it means?

“A black plume with orange flames…Thick, oily smoke billowed from the barn, which burned fiercely…Eragon ran to the wreckage, hunting through the rooms.” – (p.77)

- Eragon just ran into a burning building and did not get burned at all. Apparently Eragon is fire-resistant or Paolini simply forgot he wrote that the house was still on fire.

“his vision was blurry and he could barely see. Am I going blind? he wondered. With a shaking hand, he touched his cheeks and found the wet.” – (p.78)

- Cry count: 3

“Without warning, the ground rushed up to meet him. He tasted blood, then blacked out.” – (p.80)

- Black out count: 2

Deathwatch

“Your barn was burned down…. Is that how Garrow was injured?” – (p.82)

- Is there even a point in asking? Garrow is severely burned, so is the barn. This mystery solve itself.

“That’s quite a scar on your palm.” – (p.83)

- This must be one skilled healer. She came to the conclusion that the large, shining, oval on his hand was a scar. Because scars are usually so shiny.

“Eragon remained at the table, his eyes focused on a know in the wood. Every excruciating detail was clear to him: the twisting grain, an asymmetrical bump, three little ridges with a fleck of color. The knot was filled with endless detail; the closer he looked, the more he saw. He searched for answers in it, but if there were any, they eluded him.” – (p.87)

- So many things wrong with this. First of all, “excruciating detail” is right, except I don’t think it is clear to Paolini. This is one of the most pointless paragraphs in the entire book. Why would we care about a knot in a table? And should readers have to suffer reading an entire paragraph about it. Also, why would Eragon search for answers in it? That is the honestly one of the stupidest things I have ever read. “Oh my gosh, my life sucks. Please, knot in this table, tell me why it sucks so much!” “Well, Eragon, it might have something to do with you asking a knot of wood for answers!”

The Madness of Life

“Call him father, He thought bitterly, a right even I don’t have.” – (p.90)

- Because he isn’t your father… He’s your uncle…

“Tears flooded Eragon’s cheeks.” – (p.90)

- Cry count: 4

A Rider’s Blade

“could not stop a fresh flow of tears.” – (p.92)

-Cry count: 5

“‘We have room.’ Horst answered inaudibly.” – (p.92)

- If he actually answered inaudibly Eragon would not have been able to hear it. This obviously was audible.

“It’s not really stealing… If he was going to steal, it might as well be from Sloan.” – (p. 94)

- I thought it’s “not really stealing.”

“Their methods of forging have always remained secret. However, their swords are eternally sharp and will never stain.” – (p.102)

- Hmm… Sounds an awful lot like Valyrian steel from the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin.

“it appeared to have something resembling a beak” – (p.102)

- The Ra’zac were previously described as having their faces hidden by a hood. How could a hood hide a beak? The beak would stick out.

Saddlemaking

“He pulled the blankets over his head and cried quietly” – (p.107)

- Cry count: 6

“There isn’t a horse alive that could outrun a flying dragon,” – (p.109)

- Why would Brom’s horse need to outrun Eragon’s Dragon? It would need to merely keep up with the dragon.

“But that’ll make it harder to catch the Ra’zac,” – (p.109)

- … He says as he relaxes with Brom.

Therinsford

“He felt honored that of all the people in Alagaesia, she had chosen him.” – (p.112)

- Except she didn’t meet all the people in Alagaesia, just Eragon and whoever had her before him. She just happened to like you, she didn’t have much of a choice.

“You know what? I think you just enjoy speaking in riddles.” – (p.113)

- Actually, no. This is Paolini trying, and failing, to make it more dramatic when you actually learn the things you ask about.

“he collapsed like an empty sack… A splash of cold water roused him” – (p.114)

- Black out count: 3

“When they finished, Eragon flopped on his blankets and groaned. He hurt everywhere – Brom had not been gentle with his stick.” – (p.115)

- Unintentional innuendo, dead ahead!

“You c’n stop right there. This’s my bridge. Gotta pay t’ get over.” – (p.116)

- This is not how people speak. Sorry to say, CP, but talking out a letter in every sentence does not actually make it seem like this is an actual dialect.

“‘Sorry,’ apologized Brom,” – (p.116)

- Yeah, we figured out Brom was apologizing when he said “Sorry.” Saying “apologized” was extremely unnecessary.

“You cut his purse!” – (p.117)

- … He says after watching Brom cut someone’s purse. Captain to the rescue!

“Brom stood and barked, ‘Catch!’ Eragon barely had time to raise his arm and grab the piece of wood before it hit him on the head. He groaned… ‘Not again,’ he complained. Brom just smiled and beckoned with one hand. Eragon reluctantly got to his feet. They whirled around in a flurry of smacking wood, and he backed away with a stinging arm.” – (p.122)

- Unintentional innuendo: The return!

Thunder Roar and Lightning Crackle

“Eragon decided that it would be the wind that drove him crazy first.” – (p.124)

- Because everyone just loves to plan out their insanity…

“‘Brisinger!’ He swore angrily.” – (p.125)

- It’s not aswear word. Does Eragon just assume that if he hasn’t heard a word before then it is automatically a swear word?

Revelation At Yazuac

“Eragon strung his bow” – (p.130)

- Why does he keep unstringing it? If he is paranoid that there will be a trap why would he leave his bow unstrung?

“Tears blurred Eragon’s vision” – (p.131)

- Cry count: 7

“He stared at their open eyes and wondered how life could have left them so easily. What does out existence mean when it can end like this?… A Crow dipped out of the sky… ‘Oh no you don’t,’ snarled Eragon as he pulled back the bowstring and released it with a twang. With a puff of feathers, the crow fell over backward, the arrow protruding from its chest.” – (p.131)

- Oh, the irony. It burns.

“He saw a flicker of movement to his right, then a giant fist smashed him out of the saddle.” – (p.132)

- Eragon was just punched of a horse. Yes, punched in the face, by someone on the ground, when he was on a horse. This is not possible. Eragon’s head would be much to high to be punched by someone on the ground.

“A deafening scream tore out of Eragon as he charged the Urgal, head first… Eragon ducked under the two-handed blow and clawed the Urgal’s side.” – (p.133)

- Eragon just attempted to head butt an Urgal, then proceeded to scratch at it. So manly… But seriously, what happened to all the combat training?

“a wave of exhaustion washed over him. He felt strange and feeble, as if he had not eaten for days. His knees buckled, and he sagged against the wall.” – (p.134)

- Black out count: 4

Admonishments

“Saphira said gravely, You have grown.” – (p.136)

- Why would she say it gravely? As if Eragon learning something is a bad thing. He should learn all he can, because throughout this book he is very stupid.

“With a few deft strokes he cleaned the cut and bandaged it tightly.” – (p.136)

- You can’t clean and bandage a large cut in “a few deft strokes.” It is more work than that.

“Brom’s eyes flashed. ‘This isn’t something you should be taught – much less use!’ ‘Well, I have used it, and I may need it to fight again. But I won’t be able to if you don’t help me. What’s wrong? Is there some secret I’m not supposed to learn until I’m old and wise? Or maybe you don’t know anthing about magic!’ ‘Boy!’ roared Brom. ‘You demand answers with an insolence rarely seen. If you knew what you asked for, you would not be so quick to inquire. Do not try me.’ Eragon rose hotly in protest. ‘I feel as though I’ve been thrust into a world with strange rules that no one will explain.’” – (p.139)

-Wow… That was way too dramatic. I didn’t know there was a soap opera version of Star Wars.

“Saphira interrupted Eragon’s thoughts. Brom is a magician!” – (p.140)

- Uh oh, Eragon. Looks like you have a contender for the Captain Obvious award.

Magic is the Simplest Thing

“‘It is rare for anyone to discover magic on his own,’ he inclined his head toward Eragon,… ‘It may please you to know that no Rider your age ever used magic the way you did yesterday” – (p.144-145)

- Oh, Eragon! You are so wonderful! You must be the best Jed- I mean Rider ever!

“‘Again?’ asked Eragon weakly, thinking of the effort it had taken to do just once. ‘Yes! And this time be quicker about it.’” – (p.149)

- Innuendo returns for the third time.

“I frustrated Eragon that no matter how fast they went, the Ra’zac always stayed a few days ahead of them.” – (p.150)

- Really? Because it seems like that would be obvious, seeing how you guys stop for sword fighting lessons, magic lessons, and lessons in the Ancient Language everyday.

Daret

“May your swords stay sharp,” – (p.155)

- Wait… I thought it was “May the force be with you.:

“With all these Urgals around, it seems that the Empire itself is under attack, yet no troops or soldiers have been sent out. It’s as if the king doesn’t care to defend his domain.” – (p.155)

- Oh, come on. As if it isn’t obvious…

“And you can do this even though you aren’t a Rider?” – (p.156)

- As if that isn’t obvious also…

“Am I supposed to be able to see into people’s minds?” – (p.155)

- Yes, that’s called legilimency. Oh, wait, that’s from Harry Potter.

“How do I know if someone’s prying in my mind? Is there a way to stop that?” – (p.156)

-Yep, that’s occlumency. Oh, oops, that’s Harry Potter also.

Through a Dragon’s Eye

“Eragon nodded, sliding his unstrung bow into its leather tube,” – (p.161)

- Why would he always have his bow unstrung!? He is in danger all the time, yet he never strings his bow until the last moment. It make no sense, whatsoever.

“Do you always see so much blue?” – (p.163)

- What a stupid thing to ask. No, Eragon, she changed how she sees things just to mess with you.

“he string his bow and drew several arrows. If there’s trouble, I’ll be ready for it.” – (p.164)

- First of all, I told you there was no point in unstringing his bow, and that he probably would need it. Second of all, He is stringing his bow while flying on Saphira’s back… That’s just kind of ridiculous. Third, He is drawing several arrows. Three arrows would be a hassle, as I’ve already explained, several arrows would be much worse. There wouldn’t even be enough room in his hands.

“‘Genius!’ exclaimed Brom,” – (p.167)

- Yeah, Eragon says one borderline intelligent thing in the entire first 167 pages so he is a genius.

A Song For the Road

“The sea is emotion incarnate… It defies all attempts to capture it in words and rejects all shackles.” – (p.169)

- If that’s true what was the point of describing it in such a corny way? Why wouldn’t you just say “you can’t describe it” instead of contradicting yourself and making yourself sound stupid?

“O liquid temptress ‘neath the azure sky, Your gilded expanse calls me, calls me. For I would sail ever on, Were it not for the elven maid, Who calls me, calls me. She binds my heart with a lily-white tie, Never to be broken, save by the sea, Ever to be torn twixt the trees and the waves… ‘It’s beautiful,’ said Eragon.” – (p.169-170)

- No, it was very unremarkable, and uncreative.

“Everything about me is turning hard, he thought dryly.” – (p.171)

- More innuendo! It seems training and sparing with Brom every night turns Eragon hard.

“I don’t want our names in anyone’s heads. People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn’t.” – (p.172)

- Yeah, because remembering names is such a terrible thing. God, it is so annoying when people try to be social.

A Taste of Teirm

“Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. Again, she said sourly.” – (p.173)

- What are you thinking going into civilization!? Idiot.

“Wha’s yer name?…And who’s th’ other one?… Well, I wus gettin’ to that. This’ed be m’nephew Evan. He’s m’sister’s boy… And yer business here?” – (p.174)

- Seeing how CP makes people talk, I’m not entirely sure he has ever had any human contact. This is nothing like how people talk, or have ever talked.

“Eragon stood at his side, fiddling with the tip of his bow by his waist. I was slung across his back, but right then he wished that is was in his hands.” – (p.176)

- Are you kidding me? Eragon and Brom are in a bar, talking with a bartender. Eragon is so afraid of the bartender he wished he had his bow drawn. All the bartender did was polish a glass…

“Whatever happens, don’t panic or act suspiciously.” – (p.173) “‘Go ahead and sit down. I don’t mind.’ Eragon took a chair and arranged it so his back was to the wall and he faced the door.” – (p.177)

- Seriously… This kid is so stupid…

“Do you have any idea who’s responsible?” – (p.177)

- Come on, as if it isn’t obvious. There is one almighty evil villain in this book, I wonder if he’s behind any of the evil acts? I guess that’s too hard to figure out…

An Old Friend

“I hope I can learn something of Brom’s past, thought Eragon.” – (p.181)

- Because that is how people think.

“‘I fled the city and ran to the…’ Brom hesitated and glanced at Eragon, then said, ‘ran to out friends.‘… ‘No one could know that I was alive.’ Eragon clenched his jaw, infuriated that Brom was deliberately keeping him in the dark.” – (p.183)

- First, wouldn’t the people he ran to know he was alive? Second, as if it isn’t obvious who he ran to. It is so funny how CP accidentally made Eragon so stupid.

“It’s the worst place he could be right now… Everyone will be trying to influence him.” – (p.186)

- Yeah, that’s the worst thing that could happen to him. Especially since he’ll be influenced by your “friends.” They might actually let him do something helpful! We can’t have that now, can we?

“‘Wisdom,’ snorted Brom. “I’m just what you said earlier – a crotchety old man.’ ‘Many would disagree’ ‘Let them. I’ve no need to explain myself.’” – (p.186)

- Why would I need to explain myself? I was a friggin’ Dragon Rider! Oh, crap! You weren’t supposed to now that until later. Oh well. Honestly, if you haven’t figured this out by now something is very, very wrong. You should probably get that checked out.

“There are forces circling us that we aren’t aware of.” – (p.190)

- Uh, seeing how you just mentioned them, doesn’t that mean you are aware of them?

“‘Even if you exposed your location, the Ra’zac would still chase Roran. Do you know why?’ ‘Well, if I stay hiding long enough, they might get frustrated and capture Roran to force me to reveal myself. If that didn’t work, they’d kill him just to hurt me. Also, if I become a public enemy of the Empire, they might use him as bait to catch me. And if I met with Roran and they found out about it, they would torture him to find out where I was.’ ‘Very good. You figured that out quite nicely,’ said Brom” – (p.196)

- No, he didn’t. He didn’t even come close to answering your question. If Eragon exposed his location absolutely none of this would happen. If they knew where he was they wouldn’t get frustrated and capture Ronan, they wouldn’t need to use him as bait, and they wouldn’t need to torture him. Did Paolini even read this exchange?

The Witch and the Werecat

“You said that! exclaimed Eragon.” – (p.200)

- The captain returns, yet again.

“Eragon laughed. ‘No, I’m afraid my fortune is pretty much unreadable.’” – (p.201)

- How would he know? He can’t read fortunes. Actually… He can’t read anything.

“To know one’s fate… How can I make this decision when I don’t know what lies in wait for me and whether I will like it?” – (p.202)

- What? If you knew what lies in wait for you, there would be no reason to have your fortune told. Because that would mean you already know it. He’s pretty much saying: Hmm… How can I have my fortune told without already having had my fortune told?

“Emotion overcame Eragon, bringing tears to his eyes.” – (p.202)

- Cry count: 8

“I have no mere standing than the poorest of farmers.” – (p.205)

- Says the Dragon Rider. Extreme modesty or stupidity? I think the latter.

On Reading and Plots

“‘This is the letter a,’ he said. ‘Learn it.’” – (p.210)

- What an amazing teacher.

“a week had gone by… but he could now read” – (p.211)

- People do not learn to read in a week. Especially people as dim as Eragon.

“A single tear rolled down her cheek,” – (p.212)

- Oh no, another single tear.

“Eragon rose with a start and found himself crying uncontrollably” -(p.212)

- Cry count: 9

Thieves in the Castle

“He slung his bow and quiver on his back, but left Zar’roc in the room; the sword would only slow him, and he was averse to using it. If he had to disable someone, he could use magic or an arrow.” – (p.213)

- That is a horrible idea. Eragon obviously is expecting danger, or else he wouldn’t have his bow. How would he fight close quarters combat? Arrows are for ranged combat and he passes out every time he tries to fight with magic.

“‘Wha’ for?’ ‘Jus’ make sure ‘n give ‘im a good beating f’r me.’” – (p.214)

- Not only is this a horribly written dialect, but it is also inconsistent. As you can see, the man first say “for” but then decides to lose some sophistication and just say “f’r”.

“‘Thank’ee,’ mumbled the man, tottering away. As soon as hebq. was gone, Eragon pulled his bow from its tube and strung it.” – (p.214)

- Oh, come on. Why would he not have done this before hand? “Oh, he turned around! This is the perfect time to string my bow. I’ll do it really fast, so when he turns back around I’ll be ready.” I honestly think CP thinks you can just slip the string on at a moments notice. If I ever were to meet him, I would bring an unstrung bow, it’s string, and a stop watch.

A Costly Mistake

“What makes you think that this concerns you?” – (p.223)

- Ha, of course it concerns me, I’m a Dragon Rider. How could it not concern me?

“They are locked in a titanic power struggle… centered around you.” – (p.224)

- Hahaha, I told you it would concern me.

“‘the Varden – who are my ‘friends’‘ ‘The Varden!’” – (p.225)

- Captain Obvious to the rescue! In case you didn’t catch it the first time, Eragon has your back.

“If the Ra’zac hadn’t become so preoccupied with you, they might have caught me unawares, and that would be the end of Brom the story teller.” – (p.227)

- … But they did. They snuck up behind you and knocked you out…

“‘I can ride Snowfire.’ ‘Not with that arm.’” – (p.137) “‘Wrist is broken,‘… He helped Eragon onto the horse” – (p.230)

- So, Brom can’t ride a horse because of a cut on his arm, but Eragon can when he has a broken wrist?

“I know what I’m doing, said Eragon.” – (p.231)

- Doubt it.

“It’s a trap,” – (p.232)

- Warned Admiral Ackbar in Return of the Jedi.

“‘Who is your master?’ ‘He rules the sky and holds dominance over the earth.’ ‘Whether you serve Shade, Urgal, or some twisted fiend I’ve not heard of, I have no wish to parley with him.’” – (p.232)

- Come on, can you really not figure out who there master is? “Rules the sky”? “Holds dominance over the earth”? Who is the only other Dragon Rider? And who is the king? rolls eyes

“Fatigue suddenly drained Eragon of strength, and he tumbled off Saphira. His mind felt hazy… He realized that he might have gone to far… His stupor yielded to sleep.” – (p.232-233)

- I told you that you didn’t know that you were doing. Also, black out count: 5

Vision of Perfection

Oh. My. God. How can it be? I didn’t find anything… At least nothing worth mentioning. Oh well, that was because it was a short chapter, and was almost entirely about Eragon being yelled at. I have no problems with that. slow clap

Master of the Blade

“‘Perhaps to understand this we should search every prison and dungeon until we find the woman,’ bantered Eragon. He actually thought it would be a good idea.” – (p.240)

- Wow… A whole chapter with nothing worth mentioning that is wrong with it and then this… “Hey, I know! Lets search the whole world because I have a creepy, obsessive, stalker-like, and unhealthy crush on this women whom I’ve never met and have no idea who she could be.”

“If your being attacked with heat, you have to know whether it is being conveyed to you through air, fire, light, or some other medium.” – (p.245)

- Light is not a medium in which something can be conveyed.

The Mire of Dras-Leona

“That is Helgrind… it’s an unhealthy malevolent thing.” – (p.247)

- How can a rock formation be unhealthy?

“‘Their prayers go to Helgrind. It’s a cruel religion they practice. They drink human blood and make flesh offerings. Their priests often lack body parts because they believe that the more bone and sinew you give up, the less you’re attached to the mortal world. They spend much of their time arguing about which of Helgrind’s three peaks is the highest and most important and whether the fourth – and lowest – should be included in their worship.’ ‘That’s horrible,’” – (p.247-248)

- Wow. Eragon says “that’s horrible” after Brom mentions that they argue about whether the shortest peak should be included in prayer, never mind the whole flesh offerings and self-mutilation part… Also, great job with religious tolerance.

“We don’t even treat animals like this, thought Eragon.” – (p.248)

- You’re the one who shoots down birds for no reason.

“Eragon took one look at the mattress and said, “I’m sleeping on the floor. There are probably enough bugs in that thing to eat me alive.” – (p.249)

- Since when has he been so prissy? It can’t be much worse than sleeping on the ground outside. Which he has been doing for months now.

Trail of Oil

“‘The Cases of Seithr oil are always sent from the warehouse to the palace.’ ‘And that’s when you came back here,’ finished Eragon. ‘No, it’s not!’” – (p.252)

- That was a stupid exchange… Why would Eragon even try to finish Brom’s story. Especially when he has no idea what he is talking about. Eragon becomes more and more annoying every chapter.

“For several hours I wandered about, amusing the maids and others with songs and poems – and asking questions all the while.” – (p.252)

- Wouldn’t some old guy who is wandering around a palace, singing, reciting poems, and asking about potentially deadly materials raise suspicion?

Worshipers of Helgrind

“Don’t go anywhere without your bow! Keep it strung.” – (p.255)

- It’s almost like CP knows how stupid it is that Eragon always strings his bow at horrible times… Almost… To bad he doesn’t.

“Frustrated, he punched a nearby wall, bruising his knuckles.” – (p.256)

- HULK SMASH!

“The Ra’zac leapt away from the arrows with inhuman swiftness.” – (p.258)

- Of course it was inhuman swiftness. They aren’t human. Nothing they do is human.

“Then Eragon toppled to the ground, unconscious.” – (p.263)

- Black out count: 6

The Ra’zac’s Revenge

“tears rushed to his eyes” – (p.264)

- Cry count: 10

“‘You will server our master very well, yesss.’ ‘If I do, I will kill you.’” – (p.265)

- What? That was so stupid. If he serves their master he wouldn’t kill them. They would be on the same side… This answer is ridiculous. “You should join our side.” “Yeah? Well I’ll kill you!”

“his eyes closed and he knew no more.” – (p.266)

- Black out count: 7

Murtagh

“‘I wouldn’t do that’ warned Murtagh. ‘He’ll bleed to death.’ Eragon ignored him and pulled the cloth away from Brom’s side.” – (p.269)

- Pssh, I don’t care. If I want to risk his death just so I can see his nasty cut, I will. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a Dragon Rider, I do what I want.

“As he had learned when Garrow was injured, a wound inflicted by the Ra’zac was slow to heal.” – (p.269)

- Actually, he didn’t learn that when Garrow was injured. He learned it a while after Garrow was dead. CP seems to forget things that he wrote.

“he picked up his bow from where it had been thrown by the Ra’zac. He strung it,” – (p.270)

- Wait… when did he unstring it? He had it when he was first ambushed by the Ra’zac. Then ha ran away. Now he is stringing it again. This means that at some point, while running from the Ra’zac he unstrung it. Why would he do that? “Uh oh, I’m being chased and could be attacked at any moment. This seems to be a perfect time to unstring my bow.”

Legacy of a Rider

“‘Wake up, Eragon.’ He stirred and groaned. ‘I need your help. Something is wrong!’ Eragon tried to ignore the voice and return to sleep. ‘Arise!’ ‘Go away,’ he grumbled.” – (p.273)

- Oh my god! Leave me alone! I don’t care who dies, I just need my beauty sleep!

“Brom’s next words were faint and indistinct. ‘Good…’ He moved his arms weakly. ‘Now… wash my right hand with it.’” – (p.274)

- No, they weren’t indistinct. They were perfectly clear. That’s why Eragon understood them and why we can read them.

“his mouth agape with amazement. There on Brom’s palm was the gedwey ignasia.” – (p.274)

- Shocker.

“You’re a Rider?” – (p.274)

- Why must he always state the obvious?

“my young dragon was killed. Her name… was Saphira.” – (p.274)

- Another shocker.

“Guard Saphira with your life,” – (p.275)

- That is a horrible idea. If he losses his life guarding her she dies too. So there would be no point.

“‘Everything will be alright,’ said Eragon, tears in his eyes.” – (p.275)

- Cry count: 11

“Tears rolled down Eragon’s cheeks” – (p.276)

- Cry count: 12

“The stone rippled. It flowed like water, forming a body-length depression in the hilltop. Molding the sandstone like wet clay,” – (p.276)

- Wait… Was it like water or wet clay? Because they are not the same. CP can’t even stay consistent in his own similes.

Diamond Tomb

“A tear slid down his listless face” – (p.278)

- Another single tear? This is the third one. Anyways, Cry count: 13

“With a fingernail, he aimlessly scratched the sandstone. When he looked, he saw that he had written Why Me?” – (p.278)

- Really?He is so self centered that when his stereotypical, Rough but loving in his own strange way, mentor/father figure dies he says he says “Why Me”? That’s disgusting.

“This blade probably killed many Riders in its time, he thought with revulsion. And worse, dragons!” – (p.280)

- How is that worse? When you kill a Rider his dragon dies too. That is worse than just killing the dragon. This is the second time CP has forgotten this. Sometimes I wonder how much he actually pays attention to his books.

“Eragon laughed weakly and found himself crying because it hurt so much.” – (p.281)

- Cry count: 14

“Everything he taught me about magic he must have learned from the Riders themselves.” – (p.281)

- Actually, since he was a Rider he probably learned it from the people who taught the Riders…

“Why did he trust you, but not me, with all this knowledge?” – (p.282)

- Because you are dumb. And you keep proving that you are dumb over and over again.

“Tears welled in Eragon’s eyes.” – (p.282)

- Really? Five times in two chapters? Cry count: 15

“‘I’m afraid that my next dream of her will show a grave. I couldn’t stand that.’ ‘Why?’ ‘I’m not sure,’” – (p.283)

- Well, I am. It’s because you are friggin’ creepy, and have an unhealthy, obsessive crush on her.

Capture at Gil’ead

“He dreamed of the woman no more. And though he tried to scry her, he saw only an empty cell. Whenever they passed a town or city, he checked to see if it had a jail. If it did, he would disguise himself and visit it, but she was not to be found.” – (p.286)

- And so the stalker behavior begins.

“From a distance they could see the city was a rough, barbaric place, filled with log houses and yapping dogs.” – (p.289)

– How could they see that it was filled with yapping dogs, from a distance?

“he lost consciousness.” – (p.292)

- Black out count: 8

Du Sundavar Freohr

“He took a couple bites of the thin cabbage soup and stale bread… I wish he had brought me something better, he complained.” – (p.294)

- He was captured and imprisoned, yet he complains about the food.

“Eragon’s blood burned as he looked at her. Something awoke in him – something he had never felt before. It was like an obsession, except stronger, almost a fevered madness.” – (p.295)

- This kid just get creepier and creepier…

“He hesitated – it could easily give him away – then raced to create a name that would withstand scrutiny… ‘It was De Sundavar Freohr.’ Which meant almost literally ‘death of the shadows.’” – (p.298)

- Yeah, I’m sure that will hold up.

“… extra dose, just in case.” – (p.298)

- CP didn’t think we would understand that Eragon’s food and water was being poisoned, even after a few pages of explaining it. So, he added this, just to make sure we could figure it out. Thanks, CP, I wouldn’t be able to figure out this extremely complicated book without these subtle hints.

Fighting Shadows

“Footsteps interrupted him. He spun around, crouching as a squad of six soldiers marched into the hall. They halted abruptly, eyes flicking between Eragon and the open cell door.” – (p.301)

- Why would he crouch? Crouching in the middle of a hallway doesn’t do anything…

“‘All right, just don’t put that in me!’ yelped the soldier.” – (p.302)

- More innuendo. Oh no!

“Fighting hunger and exhaustion, he dragged the elf off the table and hid her underneath it. He Crouched next to her, holding his breath, tightly clenching the dagger. Ten soldiers entered the room. They swept through it hurriedly, looking under only a couple of tables, and continued on their way. Eragon leaned against a table leg, sighing. The respite made him suddenly aware of his burning stomach.” – (p.304)

– Suddenly aware? He was aware of it four sentences ago.

“Eragon clutched the elf tightly as they skimmed over Gil’ead, then left the city behind and veered eastward, soaring upward through the night.” – (p.309)

- Does anyone else have problems with Eragon kidnapping an unconscious elf woman, whom he has a very creepy crush on?

A Warrior and a Healer

“He checked on the unconscious elf. You’re going to have to carry her a bit longer,” – (p.311)

- “I sure hope this unconscious lady doesn’t mind being carried around the world by two creepy young men.” “Shut up, Saphira! If I want to kidnap an elf, I can. I’m a Dragon Rider. Plus she’s passed out, what can she do?”

“She’s probably drugged” – (p.311)

- Oh great. He’s kidnapping an unconscious woman who has been drugged. This sounds like something I’ve heard of… Oh yeah, date-rape.

“I insulted the most powerful man in Alagaesia! he realized with dread.” – (p.312)

- Oh well, it’s not like you guys were going to be best buddies in the first place.

“‘Why would he commit such an atrocity on his own subjects?’ ‘Because he is evil’” – (p.313)

- Yay for one dimensional characters!

“he gazed at the elf’s face, captivated.” – (p.314)

- God… such a creepy kid. Paolini could write stories about stalkers. Well… He shouldn’t write at all. But, if he has to, might as well be about stalkers. He has me legitimately creeped out.

“With trembling fingers, he unlaced the back of her shirt.” – (p.315)

- Oh my god. Drugged? Check. Unconscious? Check. Kidnapped? Check. Naked? Check. Sounds like something bad is happening.

Water From Sand

“We would be safe, though, remarked Saphira. As long as we didn’t encounter any Urgals.” – (p.318)

- Doesn’t that work for pretty much anywhere? Also, your not really safe if there is a chance of encountering Urgals.

“Making rain was well beyond his power… Moving that much air was like trying to lift a mountain.” – (p.320)

- How would he no? I certainly hope he hasn’t tried to make it rain or move a mountain. If he has he is even dumber than I thought, and I really don’t think that could be true.

“I wonder if it’s possible to convert sand into water?… ‘I have an idea’ ‘What are you going to try?’ ‘I don’t know‘… He knelt and picked up a stone with a cavity large enough for a mouthful of water.” – (p.321)

- Of course he knows what he is going to try. He just thought of it, then began to try it. Is he lying to Saphira or is this just another stupid move by Paolini? I don’t think Eragon would lie to Saphira… Also, I wasn’t planning on correcting grammar in this, but since I already have the quote… There should not be a question mark at the end of the first sentence.

“‘Eragon,’ she said, looking him squarely in the face. ‘I’ve no more control over my abilities than a spider does.’” – (p.322)

- I’m pretty sure spiders have control over the things they can do.

“I’m as powerless as Snowfire.” – (p.322)

- Snowfire can’t fly, or talk to people telepathically.

The Ramr River

“Why don’t you tie the elf to my belly?” – (p.324)

- Do I even need to say anything? This statement is a horrifying as it is ridiculous.

“An elf! He had actually seen one, and she was with them!” – (p.325)

- Not willingly…

“He wondered what Roran would think” – (p.325)

- He would probably be horrified that his cousin is kidnapping unconscious elves and tying them to his dragon’s belly.

“He soaked a rag, then squeezed the cloth so water dripped between the elf’s sculpted lips. He did that several times and dabbed above her straight, angled eyebrows, feeling oddly protective.” – (p.327)

- My elf! I kidnaped he, nobody else can touch her!

“If I can dodge arrows with three people on my back, I can certainly fly a horse in a straight line over a river.” – (p.327)

- That’s reassuring. Since you didn’t dodge arrows with three people on your back. You were hit multiple times…

The Hadarac Desert

“Before we continue, let’s rest. My mind is slow as a snail,” – (p.331)

- Isn’t it always?

“I don’t want to stop until the elf is cured… or she dies.” – (p.336)

- In other words, “My insanely creepy crush is worth more than all of your lives put together.”

A Path Revealed

“Fatigued and haggard, but with triumphant smiles, they sad around the fire, congratulating each other.” – (p.337)

- “Congrats man, your awesome.” “I know. Oh, your awesome too.” Yeah, we are sweet.” “Yep, manly too.” “Yeah, we are so manly.” “Sexy, too.” “Most definitely.”

“With a sigh he abandoned his deliberation and observed the elf stretched out by Saphira. The fire’s orange light gave her face a warm cast. Smooth shadows flickered under her cheekbones. As he stared, an idea slowly came to him.”

- I swear, about fifty percent of his time is spent starring at this elf.

“Eragon took a shuddering breath and forced his eyes open. Murtagh and Saphira stood on either side of him, watching with concern. ‘Are you alright?’ asked Murtagh.” – (p.341)

- “Of course I’m alright! I talked with her! I really talked with her! I’m thinking of taking our relationship to the next level.” ‘That’s not what I meant, Eragon. Saphira and I have been talking… The way you act with this elf is starting to disturb us. We think you need help.” Murtagh pulls a straight-jacket out of his saddlebag

“The words stung Eragon’s pride; he recognized a grain of truth to them. ‘Don’t touch me,’ he growled.” – (p.342)

- He hurt my feelings. Quick, I have to do something manly!

“‘Well, is she going to get off us?’ ‘No, not unless we talk… She wants me to ask you what’s really the problem,’ Eragon said, embarrassed.” – (p.343)

- Talking about your feelings isn’t manly.

A Clash of Wills

“‘I must eat,’ Saphira said… ‘Hunger claws my belly.’” – (p.347)

- Actually, that could be the poor elf you have strapped down there.

“He pointed at the hill ahead of them, where a tall, brown-cloaked man sat on a sorrel horse, mace in hand. Behind him was a group of twenty horsemen… Eragon surreptitiously strung his bow.” – (p.348)

- Eragon is being chased by a band of Urgals. Why does he not have his bow strung already? Also, how does one string a bow surreptitiously? That would mean stringing it in a sneaky or stealthy manner. Also, bow stringing count: 6

“‘Behold!’ cried Eragon over the furor, ‘I am a Rider!’” – (p.351)

- This kid’s ego just keeps inflating more and more.

“‘Upset!’ exploded Eragon.” – (p.351)

- I wish Eragon actually exploded.

“‘But you can’t indulge in wanton violence. Where is your empathy?’ growled Eragon.” – (p.352)

- Once again, irony. Isn’t shooting arrows through birds for no reason wanton violence?

“The horses were exhausted to the point of stopping,” – (p.347) “They rode at a rate that Eragon would have thought impossible a week ago; the leagues melted away before them” – (p.352)

- Yeah, the horses were almost unable to walk, then there was a fight, now they are running extremely fast. How does that work?

Flight Through the Valley

“The valley was so restricted it could easily be overlooked. The Beartooth river, which Arya had mentioned, flowed out of it” – (p.357)

- How could it be easily overlooked if a river is flowing out of it?

“‘They are very old,’ said Saphira. Touching a trunk with her nose. ‘Yes,’ said Eragon, ‘but not friendly.’” – (p.357)

- How can a tree be unfriendly?

“Eragon gasped and panted; there didn’t seem to be enough air… ‘I can’t… breath.’” – (p.360)

- Eragon and Saphira have been flying higher and higher for a while now. There would not suddenly be a shortage of air. It would happen gradually.

“His vision faded into swirling darkness… ‘You backed out,’” – (p.360)

- Black out count: 9

“That explains it! Saphira, if you’re right, then those are Kull, elite of the Urgals.” – (p.363)

- Wait… So they are Uruk-hia?

The Horns of a Dilemma

“The forsworn never had any children, least of all Morzan.” – (p.369)

- What would Eragon know about the Forsworn? He grew up in his own little world. He would know nothing about this, besides the little stories he was told. Why does he always act like he knows what he is talking about?

“She crashed through the trees and brush as she barreled from the river to his side, fangs bared, tail raised threateningly. ‘Be ready for anything,’ she warned. ‘He may be able t use magic.” – (p.369)

- If Murtagh was planning on killing Eragon, Eragon would already be dead. Why would him revealing his father suddenly make him want to attack?

“‘I don’t love the Empire or the king. I have no allegiance to them,’ … ‘I must know,’ pressed Eragon. ‘Do you serve the Empire?’ ‘No.’” – (p.370)

- Umm… He just answered that, right before you asked. I am really starting to think CP never bothered to read this.

“I don’t want him killed by accident.” – (p.371)

- If he was killed, I doubt it would be by accident.

“Up close a Kull was as tall as a small giant,” – (p.373)

- We have no idea who tall a Kull is. Why would you compare it to another creature when we don’t know how tall that one is either?

Hunting For Answers

“His close-set eyes shifted from point to point with cunning speed.” – (p.380)

- How can the speed that his eyes move be cunning?

“Eragon faltered, gritting his teeth… exposing himself to the ravening probe. Disappointment emanated from the bald man. His battering intensified… There was something profoundly wrong about it.” – (p.382)

- Looks like the innuendo is back.

“a fresh wave of pain racked him… ‘Give him what he wants,’ she said quickly. Eragon winced as the probe dug in farther,” – (p.382)

- It’s back with a vengeance, apparently.

“there was nothing else for Eragon to do but wait for the bald man to finish…His entire body was rigid, jaw locked tightly. Heat radiated from his skin, and a line of sweat rolled down his neck. He was acutely aware of each second as the long minutes crept by. The bald man began to withdraw from Eragon… The probe was extracted like a splinter being removed. Eragon shuddered, swayed, then fell toward the floor. Strong arms caught him at the last second, lowering him to the cool marble. He heard Orik exclaim from behind him, ‘You went to far! He wasn’t strong enough for this.’ ‘He’ll live. That’s all that is needed,’ answered the bald man curtly.” – (p.383)

- Seriously, these couple pages are a gold mine for innuendo.

The Glory of Tronjhiem

“Bored, he examined one of the lanterns. It was made of a single piece of teardrop-shaped glass, about twice the size of a lemon, and filled with soft blue light that neither wavered nor flickered. Four slim metal ribs wrapped smoothly around the glass, meeting at the bottom where they melded together into three graceful legs. The whole piece was quite attractive.” – (p.394)

- Eragon being bored doesn’t mean we should be too.

“the bald man was waiting with Orik, who held Tornac’s and Snowfire’s reins. ‘You will ride single file down the center of the tunnel,’ instructed the bald man. ‘If you attempt to go anywhere else, you will be stopped.’ When Eragon started to climb onto Saphira, the bald man shouted, ‘No! Ride your horse until I tell you otherwise.’” – (p.395)

- Seriously? He thought he could ride Saphira? Why would Orik be holding his horse for him if that was what he was supposed to do?

“For a brief second the crowd hesitated, then a wild roar swept through it, and a wave of sound crashed over Eragon… Relieved, Eragon sat straighter and playfully asked Saphira, ‘Shall we go?’” – (p.398)

- Watches Eragon’s ego inflate If this thing gets any bigger, Eragon might explode.

Ajihad

“If you are declared trustworthy, the Twins will remove all knowledge of Farthen Dur’s location from your mind before you leave.” – (p.404)

- Why would he have to be declared trustworthy before they wipe his mind? If they could wipe his mind he wouldn’t need to be trustworthy, because he wouldn’t remember anything to tell.

“You are an enigma, Eragon, a quandary that no one knows how to solve.” – (p.407)

- HA! Actually, Eragon is extremely simple and stereotypical.

“dragons made a habit out of eating dwarves’ flocks and stealing their gold.” – (p.411)

- Why would dragons need gold?

“Ajihad looked troubled. ‘Brom was considered one of our strongest spell weavers. Only the elves surpassed him. If what you say is true, we will have to reconsider a great many things.’” – (p.417)

- Why would Eragon being strong trouble Ajihad? And why would they have to reconsider a great many things just because Eragon is strong?

Bless the Child, Argetlam

“keep your bow. We must trust these people, though not to the point of foolishness.” – (p.423)

- What would he do with the bow? If he was betrayed and ambushed it wouldn’t be from a distance, and if it was there wouldn’t be time for him to use his bow. He has magic for that. Plus, wouldn’t it look better if he went around with out a weapon? People would trust him more and it would look like he trusts them more. Worst comes to worst he could use magic.

“Afterward he floated with his eyes closed, enjoying the warmth… Orik was waiting for him.” – (p.427)

- Eragon is relaxing and taking his sweet time while poor little Orik is sitting there waiting.

“behind the open arches that line each level is a single unbroken staircase that spirals around the wall of Tronjhiem’s central chamber. The stairs climb all the way to the dragon hold above Isidar Mithrim. We call it Vol Turin, the Endless Staircase. Running up or down isn’t swift enough for an emergency, nor convenient enough for casual use.” – (p.427)

- Then why build it? It sounds like it’s just a big hassle.

“The slide was built for dwarves and is too narrow for a man.” – (p.427)

- This doesn’t make much sense. Dwarves are thick and stocky, while Eragon is fairly slim. Wouldn’t it work better for him?

“Saphira landed a spear’s throw away,” – (p.427)

- Thanks for using description most of your readers will be able to visualize.

“How will I know when it’s morning?” – (p.428)

- The sun will be up…

“I should be back in Carvahall with Roran.” – (p.429)

- Roran isn’t in Carvahall.

“Something is changing me.” – (p.430)

- It’s called puberty.

“Farm boy’s are not named for the first Rider without cause.” – (p.430)

- Sure they are. People can be named something for no reason at all.

Mandrake Root and Newt’s Tongue

“‘I like this,’ said Eragon. ‘It feel’s safe.’” – (p.431) “For the first time since entering Farthen Dur, Eragon felt secure” – (p.433)

- Another mistake by Paolini. It says it was the first time he felt secure since arriving at Farthen Dur, yet just a few pages earlier, in the last chapter, Eragon said he felt safe.

“His gaze roamed the cave’s rough ceiling as he thought of Arya. Chiding himself for daydreaming, he tilted his head and looked out at the dragon hold.” – (p.433)

- Really? The daydreaming is the problem? Not constantly thinking of Arya every couple seconds?

Hall of the Mountain King

“A dark hall lay before them, a good bowshot long.” – (p.440)

- Again, good job using description the majority of your readers will be able to accurately visualize.

“Do you know why this seat was quarried so flat and angular? So that no one would sit comfortably on it.” – (p.443)

- This sounds a lot like the Iron Throne in A Song of Ice and Fire.

“I would not take the throne in Uru’baen… not unless there was no one else willing or competent enough to take it.” – (p.443)

- The thought of Eragon being competent makes me laugh.

“unfamiliar footsteps approached from behind the bookcase. The sound startled him, but he berated himself for being silly – he could not be the only person in the library. Even so, he quietly replaced the book and slipped away, senses alert for danger.” – (p.446)

- Wow, this kid is paranoid.

“This is difficult enough without you making comments!” – (p.447)

- What are you doing trying to help me? Be quiet, woman!

Arya’s Test

“How strong are you?” – (p.454)

- What kind of question is that?

“Strong enough,” – (p. 455)

- What kind of answer is that?

“The Twins stalked toward them, their bald heads pale against their purple robes. Orik muttered something in his own language as he slipped his war ax out of his belt.” – (p.455)

- Why would he slip out his ax? Is it a feeble attempt at intimidation? Because it isn’t like he would actually attack them… Unless he is really stupid.

“‘Why can’t someone else test him?’ ‘No one else is powerful enough,’ sniffed the Twins. Saphira rumbled deeply and glared at them. A line of smoke trickled from her nostrils,” -(p.455)

- Why would she be mad at that? They are the strongest at magic in the area, except Arya, but that wouldn’t work because Eragon needs his knight in shinning armor. Also, were the Twins just speaking in unison?

“The silver shimmered, and a ghostly image of the ring materialized next to it. The two were identical except that the apparition glowed white-hot. At the sight of it, the Twins spun on their heels and fled.” – (p.458)

- Why would they flee from that? “Oh my god! A ghost ring! Even though we obviously have prior knowledge about this it is horrifying! Run!”

“Orik and Fredric were on their feet, eyeing Arya warily. Saphira crouched, ready for action.” – (p.458)

- Oh no! She can use magic! That obviously means she could be evil! Be on guard everyone.

“‘I claim the right of trail by arms.‘… ‘She wants to know how proficient I am.’” – (p.459)

- Wow. It took him an entire page to figure out that she was testing him, even though she told him that she was going to be doing his trial.

“You find her form pleasing, do you not?” – (p.461)

- Obviously. He obsesses over her.

“You’re jealous, aren’t you!” -(p.461)

- This just got a lot weirder. Saphira wishes that Eragon had a creepy crush on her, too.

The Shadows Lengthen

“There are hundreds of tunnels throughout the Beor Mountains, uninhabited since the day they were mind. The only dwarves who go in them are eccentrics” – (p.468)

- A few problems with this. Why would they mine them if nobody was going to use them. Also, it says they are uninhabited, then that eccentrics use them. That means it isn’t uninhabited.

“‘This,’ he said, ‘is where the dwarf claimed to have come form.’ ‘Orthiad!’ exclaimed Orik. At Jormundur’s puzzled inquiry, he explained, ‘It’s an ancient dwelling of ours that was deserted when Tronjheim was completed. During its time it was the greatest of our cities. But no one’s lived there for centuries.’” – (p.468)

- Um… Obviously people have lived there… Like the dwarf you are talking about right now.

“‘it’s dragon armor,‘… ‘Dragon armor!’” – (p.473)

- Must he repeat everything he hears?

“Eragon stared at he helplessly, knowing she was right and hating the fact.” – (p.477)

- A woman knows better than me? How can it be?

“‘Then stay safe.’ Out of desperation, he added in the ancient language, ‘Woi pomnuria ilian.’ For my happiness. Arya turned her gaze away uneasily,” – (p.477)

- God he is creepy.

“Eragon alternated between myopically examining the links of his mail and spying on Arya.” – (p.477)

- Wow… I am honestly starting to think that this whole thing is just a joke, and that CP knows that this is a horrible book, and that Eragon is a freaky stalker.

“The air was dead, motionless. Even when it grew warm and stifling and filled with smoke, there was no reprieve.” – (p.477)

- Why would any of those three things he just listed give them reprieve?

Battle Under Farthen Dur

“Harsh Urgal shouts shattered the air as dark shapes boiled upward in the tunnel’s opening… He sheathed Zar’roc and strung his bow.” – (p.479)

- God, he is doing it again. Waiting until the very last second. Bow stringing count: 7

“The Urgal line wavered, threatening to break,” – (p.480)

- Seriously? Their ranks almost broke after one volley?

“Eragon raised his eyes to the heavens, tears streaming down his cheeks.” – (p.490)

- Cry count: 16

“Bereft of strength, Eragon fell back with arms outstretched.” – (p.491)

- Black out count: 10

The Mourning Sage

“for the first time, he was proud of who he was.” – (p.492)

- It seemed that he thought quite highly of himself throughout the entire story, actually.

“Who was he to think he could challenge the powers of Alagaesia and live?” – (p.493)

- This doesn’t make any sense. Nobody was challenging the powers of Alagaesia…

“The stranger was right; what he had accomplished was worthy of honor , of recognition.” – (p.494)

- Bow to me mortals.

“He slid his hand toward the base of his neck and unexpectedly felt a hard bump about a half-inch wide. He followed it down his back with growing horror… ‘You have paid a terrible price for your deed.’ Dismay filled Eragon… He was disfigured.” – (p.497)

- Oh, come on. A terrible price? It’s just a scar. At least he is alive and still has all of his limbs. He should be happy to have such a souvenir. Now he doesn’t look like the little priss that he is.

My Overview

Well, it’s finally finished. I will need to cleanse my brain now. Anyways, I’ll give you some totals of everything that I kept a count on now:
Bow stringing: 7, that means Eragon strung his bow (almost every time at a bad moment) once for every 71 pages.
Blacking out: 10, that means Eragon blacked out once for every 50 pages.
Crying: 16, that means Eragon cried once for every 31 pages.

Tagged as:

Comment

  1. ExitMouse on 12 September 2008, 18:10 said:

    …wow? Yes, wow.

  2. SlyShy on 13 September 2008, 15:46 said:

    When I got this thing through email I was scared to pieces. It was 66kb of plaintext. Yikes.

  3. Corsair on 20 September 2008, 05:40 said:

    To be fair, some of your complaints are a little unreasonable or are, to my eyes, misinterpreting what the text says. For example, you get after him for ‘He looked human’ despite the fact that Paolini follows it up with further description. Establishing a baseline comparison doesn’t strike me as being that off.

  4. RandomX2 on 27 September 2008, 17:53 said:

    As ExitMouse so eloquently put it… wow. I read the first 50 lines and just died laughing.

    This is the most awesomeness I’ve seen on one page since chucknorrisfacts.com was released (which you must see if you haven’t yet). Send this to Paolini, for sure. And try posting this on every official site you find.

    I commend and salute you for your hard work.

  5. Riddle Manchip on 2 October 2008, 11:01 said:

    While I liked your critique in some places in others it was less than satisfactory and frankly unfair. I dislike Eragon at least as much as you do, but stringing a bow is very easy, even an out of shape beginning shooter can do it in about ten seconds. Also, never trust spell check, I’m sorry, but this piece looks like you never edited it. Still, I like it.

  6. Lord Snow on 2 October 2008, 19:20 said:

    Thanks for the feed back. Again, I’d like to make sure the readers know that a lot of this was meant as entertainment. This might explain why some of it was unfair.

    Corsair, the “looked human” thing was (though, admittedly, a cheap shot a PaoPoa) a joke. In case you didn’t figure that one out. :P

    Also, some people can string bows quickly. But regardless, if it is so easy why wouldn’t he do it at a better time instead of repeatedly getting caught with his pants down?

    And about that editing thing… Yeah, I’m not sure if it actually was ever thoroughly edited. Grammar was never really my strong point. Also, reading these things might be melting my brain, so that might explain it.

  7. Tom on 7 October 2008, 07:30 said:

    Holy cow… Hilarious by the way

  8. Rand on 7 October 2008, 17:30 said:

    Wow! That was funny! I wonder why Paolini’s editor never caught those mistakes? Isn’t that what they do?

  9. Virgil on 7 October 2008, 17:34 said:

    We don’t know what is up with his editor.

  10. Elizabeth on 8 October 2008, 00:45 said:

    No, Rand, just imagine what it looked like before the editor got to it…

  11. Lord of the Star Wars on 10 October 2008, 01:06 said:

    This is priceless…. I love it. How long did it take you to compile such a treasure trove?

  12. Lord Snow on 10 October 2008, 01:15 said:

    Haha, thanks. It took quite a while. I read the book, then went back and worked through a chapter or two a night. I’m not really sure how long that actually took, because I don’t remember what day I started it. Sorry.

  13. Alex on 24 October 2008, 18:11 said:

    This is absolutely amazing. Eragon was one of crappiest, most idiotic books ever written. I liked it when I was 10, but when I picked it up when Eldest came out, I almost cried, whether out of sheer pain or excessive laughter, I’m not sure.

    And you’ve got a helluva sense of humor! Reading this has made my day. xD

  14. alex on 5 April 2009, 16:38 said:

    just wondering… if you hated the book why did you re read it merely to compile a list slagging it off?
    also carrying a strung bow, theres no easy way to carry a strung bow comfortably, it would be easier to string a bow when you have spotted your prey rather than lugging it through the underbush and stuff where the string can get caught on things.
    still hilarioous though couldnt stop laughing at the stalker bit.

  15. Lord Snow on 5 April 2009, 18:41 said:

    Basically for the entertainment of others.

  16. Tom C on 8 May 2009, 23:32 said:

    If you would have paid more attention to the way most of these were used in context to their respective paragraphs and not just to the comments in general then alot of these do make alot of sense and aren’t as stupid or pointless as you seem to think. However I do agree that some of these comments are ridiculous and quite amusing but with the knowledge that this was him first book and for a start it was decent.

  17. Lord Snow on 8 May 2009, 23:36 said:

    Slow Clap
    That was such a fail it made my day.

  18. john on 18 May 2009, 11:52 said:

    i tryed to sting a bow and i kinda took around 30 seconds…i tryed alot more and my record is 20 seconds…now a master would take around 5 seconds if hes uber buff, and 10 if hes not that stong…now Eragon is not a master…and he is kinda buff yeah but is he uber buff…no…soo now imagine u get ambushed and u have to sting ur bow…3 seconds to remove it from your thingy…8 to string it…1 second to get a arrow… 3 seconds to get it on properly and then 3 seconds to aim!…thats 18 seconds…i think ull be dead by then!!

  19. Jonathan on 2 June 2009, 07:29 said:

    This was lmao, I love it! Keep up the good work!

  20. T on 3 June 2009, 23:19 said:

    Hmmm. I’m still wondering whether or not I should agree with everything in this. Ha ha, but I’ve always hated Eregon, hated it SO much.

  21. Tycho on 8 June 2009, 00:00 said:

    Sure, a bow can be strung ‘relatively’ quickly. (Relative, say, to the time it take to completely reload a tube-fed lever-action rifle. With one hand.)

    But to string a bow on horseback? You’ve just made the process three times harder.

    On dragonback? Kid barely knows how to ride a dragon, and here he is stringing the bow midflight. Makes no sense.

    And I’m speaking as an archer of 16 years, and an instructor for five.

  22. Alice on 15 June 2009, 16:43 said:

    lmao. this is is brilliant.
    I actully like the book, but not so much for the writting but for some of the ideas.
    but you made me laugh very hard :D
    especially with:

    - Oh my god. Drugged? Check. Unconscious? Check. Kidnapped? Check. Naked? Check. Sounds like something bad is happening.

    and

    - Actually, that could be the poor elf you have strapped down there.

    thank-you for making me laugh a lot, even if i don’t agree with it all :)

  23. Torch on 21 June 2009, 13:29 said:

    News flash. It is a fantasy book, it isn’t supposed to be that realistic

  24. WHAT!! on 13 July 2009, 18:43 said:

    All of the stupid question stuff can be explained by the fact that Eragon is a poor farm boy, which you have pointed out multiple times, your reasons contradict themselves, therefore are inaccurate.

  25. Puppet on 13 July 2009, 20:30 said:

    But, if he’s so poor, how can he buy candy?

  26. Lord Snow on 13 July 2009, 23:13 said:

    Please, be more specific. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

  27. BTF on 14 July 2009, 00:32 said:

    I frigging love you for this. XD

    Oh, the hilarity!

  28. udntneedtoknow on 31 July 2009, 13:23 said:

    some of ur comments are unbelievably stupid, this is but one example: “Two boys from Carvahall wrestled nearby, but he felt no inclination to join them.” – (p.27)
    -This is completely useless information. Unless CP is trying to tell us that on most occasions Eragon would not pass up wrestling with young boys, this does not need to be in the book.
    obviously, CP is trying to tell you that eragon isnt feeling up to doing what he usually does. and nowhere in this quote does it say young boys, they could ahve been older than eragon, so that aprt clearly came from ur mind 0o

  29. udntneedtoknow on 31 July 2009, 14:08 said:

    lol and u call eragon stupid: “‘Wha’ for?’ ‘Jus’ make sure ‘n give ‘im a good beating f’r me.’” – (p.214) – Not only is this a horribly written dialect, but it is also inconsistent. As you can see, the man first say “for” but then decides to lose some sophistication and just say “f’r”.
    If u didnt notice, the first “for” is at the end of a sentence which means u would say the whole word, while the second “for” (f’r) is in between 2 other words which would make u pronounce itas f’r. lol @ u

  30. Puppet on 31 July 2009, 15:23 said:

    I can’t understand you, if you want to make a solid argument about dialog, I suggest you speak properly.

  31. udntneedtoknow on 31 July 2009, 16:39 said:

    Firstly, im not speaking, im typing.
    Secondly, if u cant understand what i wrote, i “suggest” u gt a life or go back to school and learn how to read.

  32. Puppet on 31 July 2009, 16:58 said:

    Yes, but your argument about dialog is terrible, because you yourself aren’t typing properly.

  33. Lord Snow on 31 July 2009, 20:31 said:

    XDDDDD Thanks for that. Seriously, nothing makes my day like somebody attempting to insult my intelligence when they can’t even figure out how to use capitalization.

  34. Danielle on 1 August 2009, 15:34 said:

    udntneedtoknow, I will answer your complaint with a quote from one of my favorite movies:

    “Where is it, you one-eyed cretin?”
    “First of all, it’s CREE-TIN. If you’re going to threaten me, do it properly.”

    Mike has spoken.

  35. deet on 5 August 2009, 15:48 said:

    Most of this felt like you were trying to hard.
    But I did get a good laugh at the “No its the elf strapped to your belly” part. AND you messed up at a part, you got the movie mixed up with the book. No where in the book does it say The dragon will die if the rider is killed. Thats all Movie crap.

  36. Juniper on 5 August 2009, 16:38 said:

    No where in the book does it say The dragon will die if the rider is killed. Thats all Movie crap.

    what? No, that’s in the book. Someone give him the chapter and verse because I no longer own a copy.

  37. Puppet on 5 August 2009, 16:40 said:

    No, in the book I think Brom just said that if your dragon dies you should commit suicide also because it’s so sad.

  38. Juniper on 5 August 2009, 17:27 said:

    Really? Man, I need to reread that book. Wait…

  39. baneofdurza on 5 September 2009, 08:17 said:

    No its movie crap

  40. Zahra on 19 September 2009, 04:43 said:

    No, it’s actually not. I thought so to untill I went back to find it in the book. It’s in there somewhere…

  41. joe on 19 September 2009, 20:39 said:

    its really cool

  42. Megan on 10 October 2009, 13:16 said:

    Lol’d at the innuendos and the stalker bits.
    I completely agree, though, the book was horrifically written :P

  43. Writer on 28 October 2009, 01:31 said:

    This should be part of every writer’s workshop. It’s so easy to overlook the little things that are really, really going to make your character look STUPID, and really, really TICK off your reader.

    Thanks

  44. Aleksandra on 14 November 2009, 22:41 said:

    Why the fuck did you delete my comment? It’s not my fault that your a ass face!

  45. Kitty on 18 November 2009, 18:56 said:

    Probably because you were being a little twat?

    Just a theory.

  46. helvengurl on 18 November 2009, 23:52 said:

    You know what’s really sad?

    I say all this stuff when I force myself to re-read them. XD

  47. helvengurl on 19 November 2009, 00:06 said:

    And at Aleksandra:
    Possibly because it was a terrible bit of english- like the second one you posted in detestment of their deletion of your flame?
    P.S. Darlin’ It’s “you’re” as in, contracted “you are”. If you’re(note proper word usage) going to insult someone, please, try to at least use proper grammar and english. It makes your(note the proper usage of the word)insults much more worthwhile and far less laughable.

  48. sakuuya on 19 November 2009, 01:42 said:

    Don’t forget that when a word begins with a vowel, the proper article is “an.” So if you call someone “a ass face,” you’re actually managing to sound less intelligent than the norm for calling someone an ass face. And that is NOT a high standard.

  49. your_master on 19 November 2009, 10:28 said:

    FUCK U CUNTFACE, he was only FIFTEEN… hahahahah i’m so funny, but you know what he did, CP just copied every good series ever, its like an abridged series of every good series, it makes CP a terrible person, but the book, not that bad

  50. Steph (what is left) on 21 November 2009, 01:39 said:

    Clean up on aisle EWW.

  51. helvengurl on 7 December 2009, 15:02 said:

    @ sakuuya: Thank you. Somehow my disdain for improper word form usage overshadowed that terrible mistake. XD

    @ your_master: I’m sorry, I don’t remeber a single biology lesson which included the information of a womans vagina being on her face. So, your insult=Epic fail

  52. Tolly on 9 December 2009, 23:18 said:

    Why, Miss helvengurl, I do believe you just won yourself an Internet or two. giggle

  53. Aldrea945 on 10 December 2009, 10:04 said:

    Wow. By the way, his foreshadowing is pretty dang bad:

    “Eragon remained at the table, his eyes focused on a knot in the wood. Every excruciating detail was clear to him: the twisting grain, an asymmetrical bump, three little ridges with a fleck of color. The knot was filled with endless detail; the closer he looked, the more he saw. He searched for answers in it, but if there were any, they eluded him.” – (p.87)

    Twisting grain: Conflict
    Asymetrical bump: Unequal sides of the fight.
    Three little ridges: Murtagh, Arya, and Saphira
    Fleck of color: Eragon.
    Endless detail: Detail in the book.

    Seeing that singled out got me thinking, and this is what I came up.

  54. helvengurl on 22 December 2009, 19:15 said:

    Thank you, Tolly. I do pride myself in the fact that I do not tolerate idiocy. It’s a standard I think everyone should have. The world would then be much better off. haha.

  55. Revelation on 26 December 2009, 20:12 said:

    To helvengurl,

    womans => woman’s

    If you’re going to rebut someone’s (note proper use of possessive) insults, please, at least try to use proper grammar and English (note capitalization). It makes your points much more worthwhile, far less laughable, and more likely to be taken seriously.

    (By the way, I noticed that someone deleted this comment within a few minutes of me posting it last time. I’m not sure why that is, because all I did was cruelly seize upon two errors (woman’s and English), which is what helvengurl did earlier to another poster.)

  56. The Angel Islington on 3 January 2010, 23:47 said:

    Yes, because by doing exactly what she did, you show that you are in fact a better person. Wait, I’m confusing “better person” for “exactly the same if not worse” again.

    Not only that, but “cruelly” hardly describes informing a poster that they are using a wildly inappropriate comment that is both ridiculous and anatomically incorrect.

    Way to fight for the working fan, though. It’s always funny to see someone call somebody else a hypocrite by doing exactly as they did, but in far worse taste.

  57. helvengurl on 6 January 2010, 14:03 said:

    Revelation:

    Thank you so much for telling me how I can improve. I strive to do so with every breath. I’d love to tell you the ways in which you could improve,(not being a hypocrite being one.) but I’m sure it would be deleted subsequent to postage. Impishidea’s creators don’t take kindly to that type of thing.

    Oh, and next time, please come up with your own way of insulting me. Don’t plagiarize my words.

    Thanks!

  58. Steph (what is left) on 11 January 2010, 01:54 said:

    Guys, I know you aren’t gonna like this suggestion, but please stop responding. The insults, comebacks, etc range from witty to not-so-witty, but ultimately, they’re not doing anything constructive and they’re just dragging this place down.

  59. Six on 27 March 2010, 18:23 said:

    Can I third ExitMouse’s comment, even though I’m about 60 too late?

  60. king of westeros on 3 May 2010, 07:42 said:

    you should do 1 for sword of truth. :P

  61. Chant on 3 May 2010, 19:04 said:

    One of these for Sword of Truth would be AWESOMEZ (I shamefully admit to having read the first 4 books)

    Also, is it just me, or does the “longwinded prepared speech” sound suspiciously like something straight out of Hamlet? (Not writing style obviously, but content….)

  62. emily on 16 May 2010, 03:21 said:

    “Exactly the kind of town that would not have a blacksmith.”

    Because farmers never need things like nails and plowshares and horseshoes. Or perhaps they make them all themselves, in the little forge they keep in their pocket. Riiight….

    From wikipedia:
    “Prior to the industrial revolution, a “village smithy” was a staple of every town”

  63. Victor on 30 May 2010, 11:31 said:

    I have no idea if Lord Snow still views the comments here, but I’ll post my response anyway.

    “Is there even a point in asking? Garrow is severely burned, so is the barn. This mystery solve itself”

    Garrow was burned with sethir oil. Gertrude’s probably asking because such wounds wouldn’t look like regular burns.

    “Yes, that’s called legilimency. Oh, wait, that’s from Harry Potter”
    “Yep, that’s occlumency. Oh, oops, that’s Harry Potter also”

    Legilimency was introduced in OotP, which was released about one month before Eragon(I’m using wikipedia). Since Eragon took three years to write, it is hardly reasonable to state that Paolini took legilimency from OotP. Unless you can provide a source on the release dates on both books that states otherwise?

    “Actually, since he was a Rider he probably learned it from the people who taught the Riders…”

    Indeed! You can’t learn how to use a bow from an archer or serve food from a waiter, after all. You learn from the person who taught the archer, but is not an archer himself.

    “Pssh, I don’t care. If I want to risk his death just so I can see his nasty cut, I will. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a Dragon Rider, I do what I want.”

    That line was taken out of context. Eragon took out Brom’s bandage to heal the wound, not to stare at it as no sane person would bother to do anyway.

    “Eragon is relaxing and taking his sweet time while poor little Orik is sitting there waiting.”

    Surely Eragon can be given a few minutes to relax? Especially considering that he had just travelled a hundred and thirty leagues across a desert with a horde of kull chasing him.

  64. Lord Snow on 30 May 2010, 12:03 said:

    XDDD It’s so funny when people just completely miss the point of things.

  65. Victor on 30 May 2010, 12:48 said:

    Huh? The point of your critique was “to point out everything that was wrong with [Eragon]”, and all I did was post to comment about some of your points. Honestly, I was expecting a direct response to the points I raised rather than “haha you don’t get it, so nuff said”, especially considering that this site is supposed to be about mature criticism.

    Umm… ok. Do me a favour and explain how I have missed the point of things? Actually, how much of my response did you even read?

    In any case, thanks for the fast reply.

  66. Lord Snow on 30 May 2010, 14:08 said:

    Dude, it’s for entertainment. It’s supposed to be funny.

  67. Victor on 31 May 2010, 03:09 said:

    Whether the point of the article was for laughs or serious critique, that does not excuse the fact that some points you raised were taken out of context or simply showed ignorance. In fact, saying “I just meant it for laughs, so what?” is a lazy way to deal with criticism. Fans could also say, “Inheritance is supposed to be a fantasy, why trash every plot hole?” using the same logic.

    Besides, witty remarks are entertaining in the wrong way if you were actually ignorant of what you were saying.

    If the point of this website is to provide mature criticism, people should be allowed to state their disagreements without being patronised or being beaten on the head with a rock.

  68. Lord Snow on 31 May 2010, 03:32 said:

    I apologize if I hurt your feelings. However, I’m still not sure you truly understand the article. This is a spork. Sporks are not “mature criticism”. This website does have a large amount of that, if you want to see it. Just don’t go looking for it in article tagged with “spork”. Sporks are very petty criticisms entirely made for comedy. Yes, you will find some true criticism mixed in but that is not the main point. I hope this has cleared things up.

    P.S. You are welcome to voice your disagreements anywhere on this site. However, I advise you to chill out. You are taking your responses and mine too seriously. I will remind you, this is the internet. It is not to be taken seriously. ;)

  69. Victor on 31 May 2010, 11:57 said:

    Alright, thanks for the clarification. I would also like to apologise if I came across as too irritable, and hope no offense was taken.

    I generally liked some of the articles I read here. However, I got annoyed when I came across this one, thinking that it was meant as an actual criticism of Paolini’s work. Now that you mentioned that this was a spork, things should be cleared up.

  70. Jeni on 31 May 2010, 12:23 said:

    Victor,

    If you want to genuinely discuss Eragon and, what we see as, its flaws, then please feel free to post in the forum. I’ve recently re-read all three books, so I think my memory is up for debating certain aspects of them. :D

  71. H on 21 July 2010, 06:36 said:

    WOW! I don’t know if this is too late, but I yjink this page is a really great page. You should go edit people’s books. Last year i thought this was an interesting book when I got it out of the shop. The, I read alot of other critiques such as Pixie Dust and changed views entirely. This made me laugh alot.

  72. Falky on 7 October 2010, 23:22 said:

    Dude! If u hate this book so much, why can you be bothered to go through and right a shithouse review on it!

  73. Lord Snow on 8 October 2010, 00:22 said:

    Well, it’s really just the same reason you can be bothered to go and make that post, now isn’t it? ;)

  74. swenson on 11 October 2010, 16:45 said:

    Because it’s fun.

  75. Zash on 14 November 2010, 06:07 said:

    I loved this! It had me laughing so hard! Didn’t agree with it all, but then there was a lot just for the fun of it. Mostly, those were the ones I didn’t agree with.

    I hate these books. The only sane reason I can think of for his having actually been published at all was that his Mommy and Daddy were in the publishing industry. Kid had so much potential the first book, and it went straight downhill from there. After all, why bother to try and improve if you can succeed with little to no effort? I find it unfortunate and sad that he’ll never have a motive to improve. And I don’t think he ever will for improvement’s sake, though I’d be delighted to be wrong.

    I also was disappointed you didn’t make fun of Eragon getting his fortune read. Or did I miss that…? I remember when I read the book, I almost stopped for that part. It’s a cliche prophecy that is basically a plot line for the entire three books. I knew immediately after reading it that Brom was going to die very VERY soon. And…he did. Not immediately after, but close enough.

    After Eragon and what I could stomach of its sequel… Even Twilight was palatable.

  76. Milos on 19 November 2010, 05:56 said:

    Ahhahahahah.. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE BOOK, EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH THE MOVIE, BECAUSE BOOK WAS MADE FIRST!!! .

  77. STFU.!. on 9 January 2011, 16:28 said:

    @ helvengurl: It makes your(note the proper usage of the word)insults. (One of your comments)
    This is Miss – perfect’s mistake! Can you believe it? The correct would be if you had left gaps, let me show you how: It makes your ( note the proper usage of the word) insults.
    HA!

  78. Danielle on 9 January 2011, 17:40 said:

    @ STFU.!.:

    Umm…was that supposed to make sense? Because honestly, this is what it made me think of:

    Yeah. Might want to run a coherency check before you post. Just sayin’.

  79. Cheech on 2 March 2011, 00:25 said:

    Hey, all, it’s almost March of ’11 and just caught on Syfy channel “Eragon.” Yuck. Was lent this piece of tripe by my sister when it first came out—also Yuck. Just because the movie sucked and sucked hard doesn’t mean the book does not. And, just because this spoiled home-schooled and ‘graduated’ at l5 or whatever, his youth does not excuse either he, his family or the publisher’s of putting out this crap. Age should not be an excuse! If that’s the case and with the current tech, why not have a 2-yr. old speak into his computer mic and let it rip? Gee, what a treat. This website and your ‘critique’ is hilarious, but so true. This kid cannot write, but his parents must see all the crap out there that make’s millions and billions and encouraged him…and after all, that seems to be the whole point of releasing this junk—such dupes that will settle for anything to relieve the apparent boredom in their lives. My God, he stinks! He is a plagiarist and one would think with all of the material he ripped off from true writers that he at least could put it together more professionally. But, guess what? If Random House Children’s books now handle this nimrod, what does that say about their standards? Not friggin’ much. Oh, well, to all of Paolini’s buds and family, stay off the internet and clam up. You got suckers to buy your crap, so have the guts to listen to criticism. I can see no praise for this ‘work,’ none whatsoever. These books are a crime in themselves. As pissed as i am that this guy (how old is this jerk now, 22?), at least you made me laugh about it. The SyFy release this pm of Eragon made me search the internet and wonder how many people think he stinks, is a blatant plagiarist and truly deserves all the criticism he gets!

  80. Rana on 2 March 2011, 06:32 said:

    I just noticed something in this book.
    “‘Their prayers go to Helgrind. It’s a cruel religion they practice. They drink human blood and make flesh offerings. Their priests often lack body parts because they believe that the more bone and sinew you give up, the less you’re attached to the mortal world. They spend much of …their time arguing about which of Helgrind’s three peaks is the highest and most important and whether the fourth – and lowest – should be included in their worship.’ ‘That’s horrible,’”

    Helgrind- Kingdom of God (by mechanism of contraries)
    Human blood and flesh offerings- Communion at Church.
    Priests giving up body parts- If ye by the spirit do mortify the deeds of the flesh, ye shall live.
    3 peaks- Trinity (Father, Son, Holy spirit)

    This dude just demoted Christianity, and actually thought we wouldn’t spot it. Really!? >_<

  81. Curly on 17 March 2011, 03:41 said:

    The first time I read this page – wow, must of been a few years back now – I had read Eragon and just accepted that CP must have known what he was talking about. Either I’m just stupid (highly possible,) or my mind just skippped over the mistakes, because I never noticed these when I read it all those years ago. This is really funny stuff though. God bless you my Lord (Snow) for putting yourself through all that pain and suffering so that some of us can share a chuckle at the expense of others. Heh heh, motionless.

  82. Kera on 27 March 2011, 21:19 said:

    Listen buddy just because you dont like it doesn’t mean other people hate it too. your jsut amd couse you dont have enough imagination to think of this yourself. and so wat is he made a few mistakes, nobodys perfect.

  83. Senor_Alvarez on 27 March 2011, 21:44 said:

    ….Looking past all of your typos and capitalization errors, it’s rare to see an actual Inheritance fan ‘round these parts.

    However, you have given no evidence for anybody to reconsider their opinion of Eragon.

    And with all due respect, this book required no imagination to develop. All of us here have most likely written a few things, good or not, so we know a little something about imagination.

    Unfortunately, Eragon is a plot point by plot point rip-off of Star Wars, and even if it wasn’t, the whole ‘Evil Empire’ and chosen one thing has been done to death millions of times, and CP is just rehashing an old, tired plotline.

    If you wish to point out specifically where Lord Snow and all the other Eragon criticizers are wrong, please do so.

  84. swenson on 28 March 2011, 13:55 said:

    Kera, honey, nobody every said no one else likes Eragon. They said there was precious little to like in it and that they personally hated it. You are, of course, entitled to like whatever piece of, ahem, literature you’d like. And Lord Snow is entitled to dislike whatever he’d like.

    So… yeah, saying “nobodys perfect” doesn’t really prove much of anything.

  85. Tamzin on 2 June 2011, 07:51 said:

    I think you’re being too harsh, Snow. Some of these phrases are fine. There are countless other books which are pretty terrible compared to this! Go type up sarcastic comments about those.

  86. swenson on 2 June 2011, 13:04 said:

    Oh, believe me, we have. See, for example, the ongoing Maradonia sporks. Those books… they are undeniably much worse than Eragon!

  87. SAPHIRA4EVA on 24 June 2011, 21:04 said:

    To author of this page:
    You are such a monster?!?!!?!?!? That book is the greatest book ever (Eragon). You have NO taste in books, what so ever. (a)

  88. Costanza on 24 June 2011, 23:27 said:

    You’re right, the guy who wrote this is an idiot. Eragon is an utter masterpiece, one that will eclipse every other work of its time. The depth of its story…its characters…the truth and the heartbreaking themes conveyed within its pages…it truly is the work of a hero.

  89. teru-sama on 20 July 2011, 01:26 said:

    Hey, dude, I agreed with you on a lot of stuff, but… you made a glaring mistake with the whole ‘diamond vs magic rock’ thing. A diamond is the hardest gemstone not because you can’t break it, it’s because you can’t scratch it.
    You can easily smash a diamond with a hammer. If something’s harder than diamond, that means a diamond can’t scratch it, no breaking required or necessary. So, yeah.

  90. Fell_Blade on 27 July 2011, 14:41 said:

    Dude, this is hilarious!!! I love how you brought up these priceless phrases and tore them to shreds! Although I was surprised that you skipped a few from the Prologue, particularly the parts about the Shade “vibrating” and twirling his sword in circles. But anyway, very entertaining!

  91. MintyOrange on 12 October 2011, 17:17 said:

    The “unintentional innuendos” were great. It never occurred to me how hilarious they were until you took them out of context.
    Great Job with the witty remarks! It was long, but I felt more motivated to finish this webpage than I had with the actual book. I think every beginning writer should read this just to understand how important it is to go-over and critically evaluate their work.

    (P.S. The spell-checkers are maddening here! - Please leave my humble post be!)

  92. . on 18 October 2011, 21:00 said:

    ‘“for the first time, he was proud of who he was.” – (p.492) -It seemed that he thought quite highly of himself throughout the entire story, actually.’

    It was a memory that Durza and Eragon were sharing, from back when Durza first became a shade; it was past tense, not present.

  93. on 19 October 2011, 02:58 said:

    This was pretty entertaining to read, but if I was seriously criticizing Eragon, I would probably give Paolini the benefit of the doubt on some of these points. Especially concerning innuendos.

  94. Sorry- not telling on 20 October 2011, 13:49 said:

    Utterly hilarious.
    Though you did forget a couple of books that probably influenced highly. There was a massively popular book that dealt with dragons and birds (not that far apart) who chose and bonded to a human, and the pain of having the bond servered would almost always kill the other. That would have been the right period to have been read just before writing this. Just wish I could remember the name- can picture the cover perfectly, but it’s lost somewhere among the other 5,000 books lining my walls and I can’t be bothered to look it out for a whinge.

    And don’t forget CP was clearly genius. At 15 he manged to write something that attracted the attention of agents, editors and publishers alike… oh hang on. No he didn’t. Did he? He had rich parents who published it for him so he could wave it around in lectures until a publishing house finally rolled on its back and took it.

    Seriously- I remember being annoyed by this book when I read it, and crititcising the writing when I was 14. I tried to re-read it recently as someone had left it in the doctor’s waiting room (says a lot huh.)

    I didn’t feel sick when I went in… sure did by the time I left though.

  95. Aeidail on 7 November 2011, 02:09 said:

    On the whole, I personally consider this page as something very valuable to one who enjoys spending his time tearing down an author who has spent emotion, effort, and energy into creating this world.

    I enjoy Eragon. I enjoy it because of the details which make the story come alive. I enjoy the emotions Paolini excites through his characters. I enjoy the scenarios that he creates. I appreciate the opportunity to use my imagination even though he provides expressive details.

    As a big fan of fantasy, what I most desire in a novel is feeling like I am a part of the story. Realism doesn’t matter as much in fantasy as it would in a crime/mystery novel. Fantasy is supposed to be surreal; fantasy is supposed to be slightly unbelievable. We don’t notice every little detail in life, yet when we read descriptions of the characters’ surroundings, thoughts, emotions, actions, ect., we are transported from our lives into the characters’ stories.

    Believe me when I say that I am not criticizing criticism. However, I think that if one is to truthfully critique an author’s work, one has to understand and give credit to the context of a specific quote, something I find severely lacking in this “article”. Also, if one’s goal is to make his point of view known in contrast to the author’s, perhaps criticism should be presented in a way that displays some level of maturity and thought on the critic’s part.

    I don’t want to bore you with a long winded accusation against this particular webpage, however, I also don’t wish to be seen as someone who is immature in discarding what someone else has to think. You are entitled to your opinion, but if you want to make someone else believe what you say, use good grammar and logical statements.

    Consider for a moment that your dream, your passion has been exposed to the world. You know that there will be both positive and negative reviews, yet you publish/advertise it anyway. Would you rather mature people criticizing your work and perhaps giving you suggestions on how to make your work better, or would you rather prideful people complaining about the thing on which you spent so much effort is stupid and worthless?

    My point is those who value another person’s work will spend their time commending and encouraging the author and his readers. I see here people who will gladly spend their time tearing down an author and his book in order to build themselves up by claiming that they have the right to destroy one man’s world.

    I have spent enough of my time defending one of my favorite books against those who live to destroy. I apologize if I have offended you, but I hope you will consider the value of being more logical and polite when expressing your views.

  96. Derp on 11 November 2011, 08:14 said:

    You need to calm down and stop trying to put down a good series.

    Many of your apparent “explanations” show your inflexible thinking towards the English language, such as Paolini’s description of the egg as “smooth and frictionless”, any sensible person would know he is merely exaggerating the quality to hit it home to readers. . The reason we read fiction is to enjoy his and our own imaginations that little bit more.

    You have to stop being jealous of someone who has written a book at 15 years of age that has later earned him millions.

  97. Fireshark on 11 November 2011, 15:33 said:

    @Aeidail and Derp:

    I think this is a pretty nitpicky article, mostly just for laughs for those who already dislike Inheritance.

    For newcomers or Eragon fans, I’d suggest reading another article, essay, or review on here before this kind of thing.

  98. Emma on 15 November 2011, 12:10 said:

    for fun, I entered Eragon into a Mary Sue test. 71 or over is “kill it dead and start again”

    Eragon got 80.

  99. Fell Blade on 15 November 2011, 15:09 said:

    Haha, yeah that’s about right. Where did you find that test?

  100. BettyCross on 15 November 2011, 15:28 said:

    I googled for that test. I got this link:

    http://www.ponylandpress.com/ms-test.html

    Is that the test? I think so, because it does have 71 as the cut off for putting the candidate out of his/her mercy.

  101. BettyCross on 16 November 2011, 18:33 said:

    Just for laughs, I found this video sporking of the film version of “Eragon,” which, I might add, even fans of the book didn’t like.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8Ics4JBElM&feature=related

  102. Emma on 17 November 2011, 20:53 said:

    Most tests have 71 as the cut off point. I just Googled it and used the first result. (I got that 80 even leaving all the questions that required knowing what the author thinks blank, just to make it even more impressive)

  103. DudeSonic1 on 26 November 2011, 18:45 said:

    You obviously have no knowledge of hyperbole, or really any other literary devices.
    I don’t have time to respond to all of your mistakes, so I’m going to randomly pick some.

    “The Empire” – (p.28)

    -Really, CP? Couldn’t think of a name for your own evil controlling government so you took it from Star Wars?

    Last time I checked, Star Wars wasn’t the first to have an evil controlling empire.

    “‘I wouldn’t do that’ warned Murtagh. ‘He’ll bleed to death.’ Eragon ignored him and pulled the cloth away from Brom’s side.” – (p.269)

    - Pssh, I don’t care. If I want to risk his death just so I can see his nasty cut, I will. In case you haven’t noticed I’m a Dragon Rider, I do what I want.

    Murtagh didn’t realize that Eragon could heal it with magic. He didn’t just do it “to look at it.”

    “The silver shimmered, and a ghostly image of the ring materialized next to it. The two were identical except that the apparition glowed white-hot. At the sight of it, the Twins spun on their heels and fled.” – (p.458)

    - Why would they flee from that? “Oh my god! A ghost ring! Even though we obviously have prior knowledge about this it is horrifying! Run!”

    They were afraid of her obvious power.

    “If the Ra’zac hadn’t become so preoccupied with you, they might have caught me unawares, and that would be the end of Brom the story teller.” – (p.227)

    - … But they did. They snuck up behind you and knocked you out…

    He was refering to when they were still in Carvahall.

    “Am I supposed to be able to see into people’s minds?” – (p.155)

    - Yes, that’s called legilimency. Oh, wait, that’s from Harry Potter.

    “How do I know if someone’s prying in my mind? Is there a way to stop that?” – (p.156)

    -Yep, that’s occlumency. Oh, oops, that’s Harry Potter also.

    Harry Potter didn’t invent mindreading.

    “The Ra’zac leapt away from the arrows with inhuman swiftness.” – (p.258)

    - Of course it was inhuman swiftness. They aren’t human. Nothing they do is human.

    Would you be happier if he said “They did it REALLY FAST!!”?

    Bow stringing: 7, that means Eragon strung his bow (almost every time at a bad moment) once for every 71 pages. Blacking out: 10, that means Eragon blacked out once for every 50 pages. Crying: 16, that means Eragon cried once for every 31 pages.

    Being prepared is bad?
    Being emotional is bad?
    However, I will admit that the blacking out thing gets annoying.

    “He slid his hand toward the base of his neck and unexpectedly felt a hard bump about a half-inch wide. He followed it down his back with growing horror… ‘You have paid a terrible price for your deed.’ Dismay filled Eragon… He was disfigured.” – (p.497)

    - Oh, come on. A terrible price? It’s just a scar. At least he is alive and still has all of his limbs. He should be happy to have such a souvenir. Now he doesn’t look like the little priss that he is.

    Read the sequel. That scar ruins him.

    “This blade probably killed many Riders in its time, he thought with revulsion. And worse, dragons!” – (p.280)

    - How is that worse? When you kill a Rider his dragon dies too. That is worse than just killing the dragon. This is the second time CP has forgotten this. Sometimes I wonder how much he actually pays attention to his books.

    Actually, the drragon stays alive. It usually just ends up going mad, but not always. Read the actual book before saying stupid things like that.

    “Eragon clutched the elf tightly as they skimmed over Gil’ead, then left the city behind and veered eastward, soaring upward through the night.” – (p.309)

    - Does anyone else have problems with Eragon kidnapping an unconscious elf woman, whom he has a very creepy crush on?

    By “kidnapping” I think you mean “saving her life.”

    “‘Wisdom,’ snorted Brom. “I’m just what you said earlier – a crotchety old man.’ ‘Many would disagree’ ‘Let them. I’ve no need to explain myself.’” – (p.186)

    - Why would I need to explain myself? I was a friggin’ Dragon Rider! Oh, crap! You weren’t supposed to now that until later. Oh well. Honestly, if you haven’t figured this out by now something is very, very wrong. You should probably get that checked out.

    It’s called foreshadowing.

    “I should be back in Carvahall with Roran.” – (p.429)

    - Roran isn’t in Carvahall.

    He was wishing that he was in Carvahall, while simultaniously wishing that Roran was in Carvahall. Is that too complicated for you?

    That’s all that I have time for.

  104. BettyCross on 27 November 2011, 17:28 said:

    And don’t forget CP was clearly genius. At 15 he manged to write something that attracted the attention of agents, editors and publishers alike… oh hang on. No he didn’t. Did he? He had rich parents who published it for him so he could wave it around in lectures until a publishing house finally rolled on its back and took it.

    CP was one of those rare cases of a self-published writer whose book got noticed and republished by a major publisher and then became a best seller. I’ve read plenty of fantasy and SF novels that weren’t best sellers that were SO much better.

  105. MissDragon on 27 November 2011, 17:52 said:

    Rider dies, dragon dies. Said in the first book, changed in the second because CP didn’t bother to re read Eragon before starting Brisinger.
    I have no problem with a guy writing a book and making money from it, good for him.
    What I don’t like is my intelligence insulted when I find out half of what I’m reading isn’t even originally from the Author. And no, saying he was being inspired by other authors is not an excuse.
    If you’re gonna ‘borrow’ stuff from other authors DON’T MAKE IT BLOODY OBVIOUS. Example, don’t change one fricking letter in a name you have taken from another book or spell it backwards instead. It pisses people off when they notice these mistakes and that’s when these websites start cropping up.
    FYI- The dude STARTED writing at 15 he didn’t finish it until he was 19 – he had a good 4-5 years to improve, go back through his book and fix what was blatantly bad writing. That is what good authors do; they continue to go through their work to make it the best they can. Eragon is an example of lazy, incoherent writing.

  106. MissDragon on 27 November 2011, 19:43 said:

    @Lord Snow oh by the way great snork. These are always more interesting to read. Plus makes me think long and hard about my own writing.
    Thanks

  107. Puppet on 1 December 2011, 22:38 said:

    It seems like a lot of people here can’t distinguish the difference between a serious critique and a sporking.

  108. fuck you on 4 December 2011, 16:26 said:

    FUCK YOU BITCH

  109. WTF on 4 December 2011, 17:53 said:

    ^Who the hell was that to? You gonna insult someone, make sure we know who it’s to.

  110. swenson on 5 December 2011, 10:58 said:

    Yes, so we can mock you properly for it. Mocking drive-by commenting simply isn’t as entertaining.

    Also, if it was directed at Lord Snow, I’m almost 85% positive that Lord Snow is… you know… not of the female persuasion. So that insult doesn’t even make sense.

    Unless it was aimed at Puppet? In which case, again, not a woman. Or maybe MissDragon… but no, I don’t really see anything offensive there, so…

    Hmm. The possibilities are endless. Maybe mocking drive-by comments is more entertaining than I thought!

  111. Sierra 626 on 7 December 2011, 22:56 said:

    Man you have got MAJOR ISSUES!!! This is rediculious!! To the author of this article I must say you have got to say you have got a lot of guts writing this… I am shocked at the ferocious scrutiny of this book… The fact that you actually did his proves you have no heart of a writer! You are just a sad soul looking to ruin someone’s enjoyment in reading this book… Sir I may not know who the heck you are but you my friend… You my friend are sad! Let me guess you live in your Mums basement right now… No real job, and finds enjoyment in only the missery of others… I do not mean to be mean or cruel in this matter by I have lost my restraints and I’m finnaly releasing some steam… I myself am a writer and a youth pastor in training and because of my faith I’m holding back some major profanity… I realize this is a long message but I felt it needed to be said… My friends and I who have seen this article (if you can call it that) and are all of the opinion that you are insane! A lunatic! And have lost your marbles! I will be rereading this book series very soon and I will love it! May your swords stay sharp! If you wish to continue this conversation feel free to email me or comment after me…

  112. Rational Thinking on 8 December 2011, 07:45 said:

    Sorry dude, but if you’re a fan why are you even on this site or this article? – ‘Everything wrong with Eragon?’ Does that sound like a title supporting the book?
    It’s a spork; it will be bashing the book to the highest possible degree, to a point where some of the issues are in fact ‘nitpicking.’ But it’s funny; yes call us sad, lonely, pathetic – but we still find it funny, that is something that will never change.
    Ok, so why do you like the book and why don’t you like this article? Please give reasons; please let this be an intelligent debate rather than mindlessly insulting each other over the internet.
    What is the heart of a writer? In this case it is entertaining others; let’s be honest, there are ALOT of entertainers whose careers ride on slagging off others.
    CP will probably never see this. It’s not like it’s a troll where it’s titled ‘Why we love Eragon’ only to be taking the piss out of the book. So why get angry?

  113. Sierra 626 on 8 December 2011, 14:06 said:

    I love the book because of the the fashion it was written in and the story line of this book… I keeps you guessing what’s gonna haPpen next… Well almost all the time… The character devolopment, the descriptions of the cities and the battles, the names of the characters and cities. All very well done and well thought out. To answer your question of why look at this article, the answer is because a old friend of mine (whom I didn’t know also read the books) posted the article saying he read this and found it redicolous! I, being a very curious person, clicked on the link. I did not expect it to be so long and so detailed! You said there were a lot of plagiarizisms in this book, if we were to write a book without using similarities of other writers books and other works we would have written a very bland dry book with no real imagination! It would basically be a book about our lives in a way. I also don’t want this to be a conversation of insults, Thank you for actually responding and asking very for an intelligent debate!

  114. Rational Thinking on 8 December 2011, 16:15 said:

    Ah curiousity ay? Yeah also done that a couple of times to my own regret.
    While I agree, authors learn off eachother and take ideas, twist them around and normally produce something newish. In truth nothing is new, accept one issue I do have is there being not enough mixing on CP part to prevent people from guessing.
    I’ll let it slide that he supposibly followed the ‘star wars’ plot, TBH its the heroes journey story and lodes of people have used that.
    But some accounts, such as using names from other fantasy books and not changing them enough, so people don’t realise, does tick me off.
    People always notice one or two things, because we nitpick, its human nature – but the point is to shift it around so much as they won’t notice all or most of the inspiration’s origins.
    Fair enough on the books styling, but its a little too flowery for my taste and I like books which have a depth of knowledge and clear continuity.
    For me it lacked that impact, the emotional sense of a journey and plot twists – I guessed Brom would kick the bucket, i presumed Eragon’s father would be Darth Vader… sorry the evil overlords sidekick – So there was no real enjoyment. The thing that kept me reading was there was a dragon in it.

    But that bloody ancient language – Even as a teenager I completely blocked all the made up words – completely skipped them because they were too complex for a young teenager novel – that was like LOTR stuff and even then the books were fricking long and aimed at an adult market who would enjoy it.

    There are alot of continuity errors – errors I noticed even as a kid. That I don’t like, because it makes CP sound stuck up.
    ‘I wrote a book look how great it is – but even though I finished it at 19 I didn’t fix all the errors I made as a 15 year old writer.’
    It also pisses me off because this got so much publicity when it was not that good. It was okay, but not deserving of what it got. In my opinion of course.

  115. DudeSonic1 on 8 December 2011, 17:34 said:

    @Rational Thinking
    I found it on Google and figured that it might actually have valid points. Clearly I was wrong.

  116. Rational Thinking on 8 December 2011, 18:48 said:

    Its a spork, half of this is a piss take. You know, humouring the haters of Eragon.
    There are other sites with detailed analising and more realistic/ adult reasoning behind their opinions. With an interest in improving future writers. Personally I would look on those sites if you want to see CP given fair credit where it is due.

  117. Lord Snow on 8 December 2011, 20:45 said:

    Hello Sierra, figured I would say this again, in case you didn’t see any of the other times I have said it. I have no hatred of this series or the author. I went through a book that, in my opinion, was awful, and made jokes about it because I wanted to write an entertaining article for this community. Most of the things I say are completely ridiculous, but it is supposed to be funny. Since you may not have noticed that, I will ignore the insult to my sanity. :P Anyways, I am glad that you are being polite and reasonable. Many Eragon fans we receive on this site are… well, much less than that.

  118. Lord Snow on 8 December 2011, 20:48 said:

    And for the record, do indeed have a job. I am putting myself through college. And I do not actually live in my mom’s basement. :D

  119. Sierra 626 on 15 December 2011, 13:04 said:

    The parents basement thing was a joke my friend thought up.. And I’m glad to hear that you are… I honestly record this article and found only two of your comments really that humorous. I didn’t understand before that you did not hate the book and was just being a nitpick about it. Thank you for having an actual debate and not throwing insults! I respect you for that and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just like the world should know that Justin bieber is really Justine Bieber!!! Sorry my opinion on the subject, I hate Justine bieber and I am in love with Selena Gomez!! By the way I am 16 and not some crazy old dude crushing on Selena…

  120. Olivia on 23 December 2011, 02:00 said:

    I hate you all. I am obsessed with this sieries and you should keep your opinions to yourself. Also, I am going to have to call you a dumbass since you probably only ACTUALLY READ the first line before giving up, then deliberately seeked out any small problem, even if it meant going entirley out of context, just to make you feel good about yourself. Thanks for being self absorbed you SHIT FACED BASTARD!!!!!!

  121. Puppet on 23 December 2011, 13:54 said:

    Pst, Olivia, this isn’t meant to be a serious critique. ;)

  122. Fireshark on 24 December 2011, 01:01 said:

    @Olivia: Umad? Cry harder, maybe we’ll all just change our ways and leave Eragon alone.

  123. Puppet on 24 December 2011, 03:02 said:

    Let’s not respond to immaturity with even more immaturity, mmk?

  124. Fireshark on 24 December 2011, 11:57 said:

    (shrug) Sorry. I tend to do that. Too much YouTube, Omegle, and Yahoo Answers.

  125. Fireshark on 24 December 2011, 12:18 said:

    I guess that sort of thing doesn’t really match the spirit of this site, though.

  126. a valuable opinion on 31 December 2011, 17:34 said:

    First off, I would just like to say that I am not a fan nor am I a hater of Christopher Paolini’s book series. I have read the series and I am open to opinions. I wanted to see what people thought of the books after I had finished them. That is how I arrived here. As I read I wondered why the author of this web-page even bothered to read the entire book, cover to cover, and type out almost 300 quotes, of some that were misspelled, from a book the author of this spork doesn’t even like. Was it just for the entertainment of readers? Or was it just for the entertainment of him/herself? As I have read the books, I noticed that some of the quotes on this page were taken out of context, therefore the author’s comments were not all true or verifiable. Also, a few of the comments were poking fun of things that were answered later in the book, if the author had only gone back and changed the previous comments, as the author repeatedly said Christopher Paolini did not. Woe to the irony. On the other hand, many of the author’s comments I found at least mildly amusing, even though some were misspelled. I saw the author’s point regarding some of the quotes and found them respectable arguments. All in all, I enjoyed reading this article, but really found no point.

  127. Kell on 17 January 2012, 03:56 said:

    Could you have written a better book in your teenage years, sweetheart?

    As for how you implied that Eragon was fickle, I think it makes sense. Eragon started the series as a 15-year-old who’s childhood seemed uneventful, you can’t expect him to be thrown into life-threatening adventures not be confused.

    You say that people should have given up after the first sentence, whereas I see obvious proof that you, yourself, didn’t. In a way, you’re calling yourself an idiot.

  128. Fat Bardster on 25 January 2012, 15:40 said:

    Eragon & CP probably share a bit personal development. Issues with unavailable parents who rarely offer approval while dumping barge loads of criticism. Obsession with the female mysteries of eggs and power over young and mates, and ‘hatchlings’ and ‘younglings’.

    The male father figures with deeply flawed characters and sketchy background and their frequently failing efforts to ‘win’ by dominating and overpowering the enemy. If they did succeed, it was amazing luck helping a very risky, longshot and fairly impulsive act rooted in anger and desperation. The men focused on conducting mature, carefully prepared campaigns are somehow the crazy or misinformed ones.

    So many issues with women having power, who keep withholding knowledge from him (ok, sure—issues with everyone withholding knowledge and power from him), having insight into the future. Women having greater poise, maturity, strength and endurance, diplomatic skills and access to deep magic. Issues with sibling rivalry reaching potentially lethal levels more than once. Meat eater, vegetarian, meat eater…sacrificing animals for food or magical power okay, well grey magic. But sacrificing humans or dragons is crazy & horrific, dark black magic stuff…

    The main female peers of Eragon all seem to end up formidable queens, establishing complex alliances, dealing with the realities of complex & diverse societies and interwoven but contentious politics, taking care of people’s many needs; or else being good mommies. Yes, there is that odd ‘herbalist’ woman insisting toads are frogs, ever roaming and nosing around, with hundreds of cat friends, knitting, making crafts,, working with plants & potions, always following her own mysterious agenda that was still intertwined with Eragon’s—and shouldn’t she have some family, some society, and still no potential suitors or mates after 4 books?

    Not sure why the story needed Brigit & her human blood justice needs, when no other villager put any such claims on Eragon and his feisty bro’ and both did take actions got thousands of innocents killed. And the one younger female child Elva, which Eragon felt the urge to prematurely ‘bless’, she ends up deeply disturbed as a result of his ‘blessing’, forever emotionally vulnerable to being penetrated by everyone else’s anticipated and existing pain. And so she emotionally ties herself to Nasuada—which seems a pretty sure way to keep feeling pain of entire kingdoms. Although, at the end, she did take a break to fly with Eragon’s SEAL team and help try to kill Galbatorix, and she does help make the big ‘G’ man crazy enough to destructively explode with overwhelming empathy and unwanted girly feelings.

    Shouldn’t a magical and very intelligent elf, one descended from elf royalty, such as Arya, be rapidly learning and developing in insight, spell making abilities and combat skills, at a rate far faster than any mere human? And the amazing Eragon catches up to her in a few years, even if she does runaway from her mom for many decades? Arya finally ends up with her own powerful, spunky green male dragon, a younger male mate for Eragon’s Saphira, but Saphira hasn’t had problems bonding with adolescent males, Yet still King killing and supplanting Eragon doesn’t end up finding himself quite ready to take Arya for his mate, and he has to go off to play dungeons and dragons with elves and magicians and Urgal, for at least another hundred years or so. Dude had trouble contriving even a small, hard stone dagger when waiting for his big moment with his great love Arya. Dragons in biting, clawing, hot blinding eruption of “first green fire!”, fireworks into the sky booty call, with rock crushing throes of passion, and Eragon blushes, makes art, a fairth, and they exchange ‘true names’, but still he decides he must bail and go take care of dragon eggs instead of stay with the newly crowned Elf Queen Rider who is finally persuaded he’d be a suitable suitor, soon, after they date maybe another 100 years or so, but let the courtship of true love with true names finally begi, then a suitable period of royal engagement…but he says no to all that. He’s got his own brood of eggs to nest and tend, and bottles of crazy dragon spirits who’ve lost their mystical marbles, and his boy band of ADHD magicians. He’s ending up like Peter Frickin’ Pan…

    And so many loose ends besides the above. Eragon’s older brother Murtagh ends up in self-imposed exile—for how long, and when will he come back for Nasuada—maybe after she stops hating magicians? Maybe after she cleans up and rebuilds the castle and rids the kingdom of chaos? What of Eragon’s lost magic diamond studded belt of power (originally belonging to Beloth the Wise, from whom Elvis is descended, and still powered up by the energy from thousands of animals Eragon carefully sacrificed)? So much dragon business left undone—the many psychologically damaged dragon spirits, hundreds of dragons to be hatched and bonded, waiting for young riders from all 4 sentient races…except for…werecats. So much history to finally get straight and unbound from deceptive spells. Like explaining where the heck are the weredogs/wolves? Or why don’t werecat girls have much of a role in the story? Will Urgal Riders ever be able to handle magic?

    Eragon’s big brother Murtagh seems to have trouble hooking up with any lady friend, but like Eragon, he ends up obsessed with a scantily clad royal woman, who has been captured, bound, tortured and invaded with stiff hot iron pokers, as well as mentally…who is struggling to maintain her integrity in a battle of wills against the most dominating, cruel and narcissistic male of all (who is also Murtagh’s big daddy keeper). Nasuada cleverly escapes her very well-manicured, gentle giant, non-sexual jail keeper, temporarily, by making a spork out of a concealed spoon and fatally stabbing him in his thick short neck, even after he figured out she must have stolen that spoon…sigh. Where did Galbatroix find this guy—working at an airport for the TSA? And Galbatroix forgets to tag him with a few defensive wards? Another fine ‘lesson’ in perceiving and mastering the small details, manipulating others, then killing them.

  129. Philip on 5 February 2012, 20:35 said:

    It’s impressive how much of an idiot the person who wrote this is. I could contradict everything, but unlike the person who wrote this, I have a life and I don’t want to spend it arguing with someone who is probably not intelligent enough to understand.

  130. Jaggers on 5 February 2012, 21:12 said:

    Philip, my boy — Are you referring to Mr Paolini, the eminent Lord Snow, or yourself?

    Magwitch is the father of your beloved Estella. Forgot to mention that earlier. Stick with Biddy instead, young man.

  131. Fireshark on 6 February 2012, 00:26 said:

    Considering that all the angry people come here first, maybe this page needs a disclaimer.

  132. Puppet on 6 February 2012, 21:28 said:

    Oh boy, the classic, “u obvsly have no life loser1” argument.

  133. Austin on 7 February 2012, 22:22 said:

    Why do you insult the readers and author of this book? I for one LIKED the book. I know that SOME people will not like a book, that happens for ALL books. But, CP spent A LOT of time on this book. And if it WAS constructive criticism i would not say anything, but you are just HATING ON IT! Why don’t you go MAKE YOUR OWN BOOK INSTEAD AND SEE IF YOU CAN DO A BETTER JOB?!

  134. Austin on 7 February 2012, 22:31 said:

    I realize after reading more of the comments that this was supposed to be a joke, sorry for being a little cross before. Still, please don’t hate on books, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all, i admit my last comment did slightly break my own rule. I am mature enough to say that

  135. Joey on 10 February 2012, 00:45 said:

    Me:Wow Lord Snow is a very black & white person!
    Lord Snow:Oh really Joey thanks for filling me in, I never knew blah blah blah blah blah…
    Me:Lol ;)

  136. Nicole on 11 February 2012, 21:34 said:

    To the people saying that it’s not just “movie crap” that a rider dies when his dragon dies, and that it was actually in the book…

    Brom is a rider! His dragon is most obviously dead…

    Enough said.

  137. Jonah Jensen on 16 February 2012, 23:09 said:

    A lot of this sucks. It is a fantasy book, and anything could happen. Maybe Eragon doesn’t have a third arm, but it’s a fantasy book and maybe people are more skilled when they are created by other peoples imagination. Most of this “constructive criticism” sucks balls.

  138. Richard on 16 March 2012, 19:25 said:

    Let me just say this I could agree with probably everything in here, but this quote I have to argue with people on.

    “The sun rose the next morning with a glorious conflagration of pink and yellow.” – (p.9)

    You say by definition that a conflagration is a large destructive fire. Technically, he used it correctly here since in terms of what the sun actually is it is a star, but its a star that’s a large destructive fire. Why do I want to even argue this point? The reason is if you get even within a million miles of this thing you’ll feel the heat from it, burn up, and die if the lack of oxygen in outer space doesn’t kill you.

    I can definitely see the redundancy in CP’s earlier writing, but having gone through every other book of his he’s at least gotten a little bit better. His last book in the series though has caused him to really revert back to the awful tendencies since he really doesn’t explain anything from the third book without leaving huge plot holes in his final book. It’s despicable. I’ve read 100 pages I think in the fourth book and it’s gotten nowhere compared to some of the improvements he made in his other two books before the last one in his whole Inheritance Cycle.

  139. Richard Again on 16 March 2012, 22:11 said:

    You know I’ve been reading over the fourth book and thinking about earlier ones and the conclusion I’ve come to is Eragon just needs to be kicked out of the spot light and replaced by Roran. Roran is a much better character he’s married, well through rather arguable means, but he has his own kid, and everything else. So you know what that makes him? Someone with actually something to fight for. He’s not just killing for pleasure like Eragon seems to be at times. And I know CP tries to write Eragon as someone who’s getting smarter each and everyday, yet somehow I just have to say that Roran overall has more brain power than Eragon overall throughout the scenes in most of the books he’s in. The funny thing is he’s a farmer’s son and doesn’t even know how to read and write his own name and Eragon learns how to pretty quickly because, “Oh, the book can’t have a kid with farm boy intelligence!” It actually might have made it better since now he’s almost Mr. Perfect.

  140. Barbra on 27 March 2012, 09:59 said:

    Thanks for the info… But you dont have to Procrastanate against his oppinion! Plus this is Cyber bylling and i suggest you stop It Is against the law… He is only trying to Express is oppinion now leave him be. I agree with what he is saying. He has Freedom Of the press and freedon of speach acourding to the constitution so LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!

  141. Tim on 27 March 2012, 12:37 said:

    Freedom of speech includes the freedom to criticise others for their speech, it is neither bullying nor against any law. Also, that’s not what “procrastinate” means.

  142. Taku on 28 March 2012, 08:25 said:

    Barbra: I don’t think those terms mean what you think they mean.

    1. ‘Freedom of speech’: As Tim noted, freedom of speech (not protected globally, by the way, only guaranteed in a few countries including the United States) includes freedom to criticise and to have a different opinion. Every person, under US laws, is entitled to their own opinion. That does not mean that criticism, debate or different opinions are “infringing” on your right to state your opinion. You have the right to your opinion, and I have the right to state my objections to your opinion.

    2. ‘Freedom of the press’. This is a specific right granted to political commentators and journalists not to be censored or controlled by political parties. This has nothing whatsoever to do with publication of fictional novels, or the criticism of published fictional novels.

    3. ‘Cyber bullying’. By definition, bullying is any harassing or abusive behaviour intended to cause distress to a particular individual or group. The article-writer is not saying “Paolini is a fat useless idiot who can’t be relied upon to tie his shoelaces correctly”, he is saying “:I disagree with the majority opinion that Paolini’s work is as good as people say it is, and here are some points that support my opinion”. That is not cyber-bullying, it is called ‘debate’, which is an important part of maintaining a free and adaptable society.

    4. The point of this article, as suggested by its tone, is humour. This is a funny page, not necessarily a serious discussion of the book. Treating it as a serious discussion is taking entirely the wrong approach.

    5. Back to cyber-bullying for a moment: the difference between criticism and bullying is the difference between me saying “you have spelled ‘procrastinate’ wrong”, and posting an insulting picture in reply, like so:

  143. swenson on 28 March 2012, 08:51 said:

    You didn’t say it, Taku, so I’ll give in to the temptation: LEAVE CHRISTOPHER ALONE! weeping

  144. Waffles on 3 May 2012, 23:27 said:

    LOL I loved it. Though the series is my favorite series all time, I admit the first kinda sucked.
    Oh, and the comments were excellent. How do I like this page? xP

  145. wilson on 7 July 2012, 23:48 said:

    excellent post
    the only thing i disagreed with was eragon using the word empire to describe galbatorix’s kingdom. Empire is a commonly used word that easily conveys the message. Star wars was not the originator so i feel he can get away with the usage. However the rest of this is accurate. We all need to take a leaf out of your page and expose this fraud of a writer.

  146. ralphie on 24 August 2012, 09:46 said:

    I sincerely apologize if I hurt your pride when I say this, but you’re an idiot who has no reading comprehension at all. Where’s the humor in this? All I see are criticisms that (9 times out of 10) have zero grammatical or rhetorical basis and those that do fail to understand the complexity/depth of his writing style. And if the only intent was to be funny, then why don’t I see anyone attacking those who agree with the premise of the article? The only time I see mention of this article not being serious is when someone defends the book. If you’re going to be obnoxious to one group of people that take the article too seriously, you could at least be obnoxious to both camps.

  147. Tim on 24 August 2012, 10:50 said:

    You failed to point out anything actually wrong with the article. Indeed, your response is so boilerplate you could copy and paste it to any article criticising a male author.

  148. swenson on 24 August 2012, 11:14 said:

    the complexity/depth of his writing style

    Whoa, whoa, whoa, let’s back up there a minute, honeybun.

    I am probably the biggest fan of the Inheritance Cycle around this place, insofar as we have any. I actually still think the series has merits and genuinely had an enjoyable time reading the books. I’m also pretty sure I’m the hands-down champ here at Inheritance Cycle trivia, seeing as I used to write IC fanfiction and helped moderate an IC fanfiction site. So do understand that I say this without any ill will toward CP whatsoever:

    What complexity and depth?!

  149. Taku on 24 August 2012, 11:36 said:

    I honestly really, really want to link to this image:

    But it’s probably not as relevant as I’d like. :(

    ralphie: I thought nearly all of the article-writer’s comments were valid criticisms of the book, humorously intended or not. I don’t think anybody can argue that “they shrank back motionlessly” is logically consistent, or even physically possible. Among many other examples.

    Just lookit that troll, though, with his little spoon. Open wide, here come the low-level adventurers!
  150. Pryotra on 24 August 2012, 11:48 said:

    you’re an idiot who has no reading comprehension at all

    You’re using that term wrong.

    All I see are criticisms that (9 times out of 10) have zero grammatical or rhetorical basis

    Coming from a person who fails to understand the use of commas. Also, what are the examples of this? Explain.

    the complexity/depth of his writing style

    Bastardizing Tolkien doth not a complex or deep writing style make.

    For your information, I have nothing against Paopao personally. He seems like a really nice guy. It’s just that his writing stinks.

  151. OrganicLead on 24 August 2012, 11:52 said:

    On a more serious note, I would love to hear about these complex themes found in Eragon.

  152. Fell Blade on 5 September 2012, 12:21 said:

    “The sun rose the next morning with a glorious conflagration of pink and yellow.” – (p.9)

    I actually found the correct use for “conflagration” in relation to the sky/light in Robert Louis Stevenson’s “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”:

    “Mr. Utterson beheld a marvelous number of degrees and hues of twilight; for here it would be dark like the back-end of evening; and there would be a glow of a rich, lurid brown, like the light of some strange conflagration” (pg. 25)

    Eragon fans, take note. That is how that word is supposed to be used.

  153. Haylee on 29 October 2012, 16:54 said:

    I really almost cried at the fact that you really don’t get what he’s saying. For one you apparently didn’t go through to make sure you typed everything write, I found so much crap that was misspelled. You really need to do that in case oh I don’t know the author or an Eragon fan comes to this site. And second, I think you really should put something nice about Christopher Paolini in this thing in case someone in love with the Inheritance Cycle finds out about this crap, and oh yeah, you have no business calling him “CP”. Eragon, Eldest, Brisingr, and Inheritance, that whole series is my life! I stopped halfway through the thing and started kicking a tree outside my house. You should be careful about what you write you can go WAY too far. Even though I believe in freedom of speech, you just went too far pal too far!

  154. Logan on 29 October 2012, 17:16 said:

    Seriously, dude? You’ve got to be kidding me, right?? Haylee, (*above me) is my BFF!! We know eachother! And I totally agree with her!! You apparently didn’t think before you typed! You have NO right to say that crap! That stuff is NOT true chiz!!

  155. Haylee on 29 October 2012, 18:07 said:

    Yeah man, even I don’t have the right to call that creative man “CP”. It’s Christopher Paolini Einstein! Logan, I thank you so much!

  156. Kyllorac on 29 October 2012, 18:16 said:

    Hello there.

    Before I mention anything else, I’d recommend taking the date the article was published into consideration. This particular article was published in 2008 before Brisingr came out, when the Cycle was still in progress. Lord Snow (the author of the article) has moved on since then, and so any errors are not likely to be corrected anytime soon.

    The next thing I’d like to mention is that it’s good reviewing practice to focus on the work without dragging the author as a person into it. The consensus on the site is that Paolini is a great guy, but not as great a writer (unfortunately).

    Next, everyone has a right to their own opinion and to express it civilly. Lord Snow did so, even if it was expressed a bit bitterly. It’s your right to disagree with him, but it is not your right to say things like “NO right to say that crap!” People tend to get rather hostile about comments like that, especially considering that II is one of the many offshoots of AS, which was founded out of frustration that Inheritance fans kept dismissing them out of hand.

    Lastly, if the two of you would like to write an article about the great things about the Inheritance Cycle, that would be great! II is rather unfortunately unbalanced when it comes to articles about the IC, and articles in support of the IC would really help change that. If you know anyone else that would like to write about the merits of the IC, please let them know that II is accepting such articles.

    Articles can be mailed to submit @ impishidea.com (minus spaces).

  157. swenson on 29 October 2012, 20:17 said:

    On a side note, to Haylee, everyone calls him CP. Back in the day on the Shurty Fanfiction Forums, that was all we ever called him. “Christopher Paolini” is simply too long to type out.

  158. Haylee on 30 October 2012, 15:33 said:

    Yeah but it’s respectful and it only takes me like half a second to type his name so you must be slow typers. I hate you LS! Even though you’ve moved on you still broke my heart. Every day you’ll see my name here with a new comment! I’ll haunt you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bGzWyHbu0
    Great song! I recommend it to YOU LORD SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  159. Haylee on 30 October 2012, 16:16 said:

    I know it is ironic that “right” wrong spelled it “write” but at least I corrected it. BAM LORD SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  160. Apep on 30 October 2012, 16:47 said:

    Haylee, while I can appreciate your enthusiasm for the Inheritance books, as well as your taste in music, I think you should really calm down. Posting angry comments on an article that’s four years old isn’t going to accomplish much, especially because I’m pretty sure Lord Snow doesn’t visit this site anymore, let alone check his old articles for new comments. You’re effectively yelling at a wall. If you really want to make an argument in favor of the Inheritance Cycle, feel free to submit something to the address Kyllorac mentioned above. I’m sure we’d all like to hear your thoughts.

    As for using “CP” rather than typing out “Christopher Paolini,” well, this stuff isn’t exactly “scholarly.” Is it a bit disrespectful? Maybe, but at least we’re not calling him insulting names. They’re just his initials – is it any less disrespectful to use FDR or JFK? And they were Presidents.

    Also, on a purely stylistic note, you might want to ease up on the caps and exclamation marks. It makes you seem a bit less like an angry fanboy (or fangirl, as the case may be), rather than the rational person I’m sure you are.

  161. Danielle on 30 October 2012, 16:54 said:

    Not to mention MLK, and on this site, most everyone shortens each other’s usernames (Dani, Kyll, NP, etc.). Yet we don’t call Hitler AH or Stalin JS. Are we treating dictators with more respect than we show our friends? Or does the act of shortening a name connote affection?

    Just something to think about.

  162. Pryotra on 30 October 2012, 17:33 said:

    Honestly, I’d think it would be interesting to see a well thought out article about why the series is good that doesn’t dismiss the critics as meanies who don’t understand that since he wrote the novel at fifteen, no one can say anything against him.

  163. Tim on 30 October 2012, 17:34 said:

    Um…this is really obvious fakeposting. Someone’s bored.

  164. Danielle on 30 October 2012, 18:15 said:

    @Pryotra: I’ve actually considered writing an article like that for some time now, but haven’t gotten around to it yet.

  165. Tim on 30 October 2012, 19:33 said:

    The problem is anyone who understood writing well enough to create an articulate defence of the novels should also understand writing enough to understand why they shouldn’t. There’s simply no way to defend as good a series defined by ridiculous prose, poorly written and unsympathetic characters, constant and transparent use of ideas cribbed from better authors, a magic system which establishes rules just so Eragon can break them…

    The best you could argue is that certain aspects aren’t as bad as they could have been, which is a pretty low bar to set.

  166. swenson on 30 October 2012, 20:27 said:

    Which we’ve actually had before, a couple of times. I wrote one that defended it against the “it’s a rip-off of Star Wars” claims, for example, as I think those accusations are silly. Not to repeat what I said in my article, but basically, I think that while parallels exist, they’re pretty common tropes anyway, and the two works differ significantly enough that “rip-off” is simply too strong of a descriptor.

    I agree, though, it’s hard to defend them as anything other than “relatively mindless, but sometimes entertaining, fantasy”.

  167. Danielle on 30 October 2012, 20:29 said:

    True, you can’t argue that it’s a great book in terms of writing mechanics; as a story, it’s lacking a lot of things. The characters are far from three-dimensional, the setting is basically a ripoff of Middle-Earth crossed with a generous helping of Pern, and the plot follows that of Star Wars: A New Hope almost to the letter.

    However, I remember reading Eragon at fourteen and being quite entertained. While the story is nothing original, it still drew me in. The writing isn’t terrific, but CP can certainly turn a phrase (albeit awkwardly sometimes) and the prose is still engaging. The characters aren’t fleshed out very well, but in the first book, Eragon is just likable enough to make you not hate him and care at least a little bit what happens to him. And more than anything, there’s an unmistakable eagerness to the whole thing—you can tell Paolini is having a blast creating this world and telling this story; he doesn’t care that the world has been created before and the story told before by more competent authors. And at fourteen, I didn’t care either. I began to care when I read the trainwreck that is Eldest, but not during Eragon.

    But, I won’t elaborate too much. I’ll save it for the article.

  168. Pryotra on 30 October 2012, 21:36 said:

    I’d have to agree with Danielle. That was pretty much my experience with the series. The first one was entertaining enough to read a few times, and I could sense Paopao’s enthusiasm for what he was writing, which I think is what caught my attention more than anything else. Also, there were occasional ideas that he had that could have been explored. Like the cat shape-shifter.

    Eldest just kind of ruined it for me.

  169. Haylee on 31 October 2012, 16:22 said:

    Like I said before, I believe in freedom of speech, and Prytotra I thank you so much for saying that “Eldest just kind of ruined it for me” so nicely instead of saying “Eragon was the most crappiest book I have ever read” or “I was so bored with this book I have decided to point out everything wrong with it” and I really didn’t like that one very much either but I still am in love with it, and the cat shape-shifter was a werecat which is why I am naming my new kitten either Solembum or Maud. It depends on which sex it is.

  170. Katie on 18 November 2012, 13:28 said:

    I am a diehard lord of the rings fan and god are you right. eragon totally copies the plot ARGGGGHHH! i dont see why people read this stuff >:(

  171. Laura on 21 December 2012, 18:14 said:

    Wow, that was hilarious! I loved when Saphira said, hunger is clawing at my belly, and then you said, yeah, what about the poor elf? I couldn’t stop laughing! I just didn’t like how at the end you said that the scar on eragons back was nothing, but it changed his life, and eragon is awesome! I still loved it though.

  172. Laura on 22 December 2012, 22:48 said:

    this is me again, i just wanted to say that if you could reply, i would really appriciate it

  173. Asahel on 22 December 2012, 23:43 said:

    this is me again, i just wanted to say that if you could reply, i would really appriciate it

    As someone already mentioned earlier:

    I’d recommend taking the date the article was published into consideration. This particular article was published in 2008 before Brisingr came out, when the Cycle was still in progress. Lord Snow (the author of the article) has moved on since then

    But, hey, I’ll take a stab at it. The scar had no effect on Eragon from a plot standpoint. He was healed of it during a transformation process (a process, by the way, which would’ve happened whether he was scarred or not according to the fourth book). And remember when he reflected on those important lessons he learned during the time he was scarred? No? It’s because they didn’t happen. So, yeah, the scar was nothing, did nothing, and Eragon learned nothing (as usual).

  174. Matthais Wilke on 15 January 2013, 13:38 said:

    Listan dude,
    This book is my favorite series. You obviosly are an idiot. Go read your own crap.

  175. swenson on 15 January 2013, 13:54 said:

    We get such convincing arguments in favor of the Inheritance Cycle here. Truly moving.

  176. Pryotra on 15 January 2013, 14:11 said:

    This book is my favorite series.

    Logic! Book = multiple books!

    You obviosly are an idiot.

    Because intelligence is to determined by whether or not you agree with the fanbase. And spelling has no barring on it.

    Go read your own crap.

    You forgot to say please.

  177. Danielle on 15 January 2013, 14:38 said:

    Go read your own crap.

    I did, and decided not to have it published, unlike Paopao.

  178. lilyWhite on 15 January 2013, 14:56 said:

    I’m totally adding “Listan” to my list of possible last names for characters. XD

  179. TakuGifian on 15 January 2013, 19:59 said:

    I wonder if these guys ever think about what they’re typing. This is probably the lamest (and I mean that in the proper sense) argument I’ve ever read.

    At the same time, I doubt you could find such a succinct summary of fans’ arguments for the series. Pretty much everything I’ve come across in favour of Inheritance is either “I like it, therefore you are stupid”, or “he was only 15, stop being a hater”.

  180. Erika on 28 January 2013, 08:26 said:

    Oh my god this is hilarious. I can’t count how many times I laughed out loud, I think I scared the cat.

  181. Grace on 26 August 2013, 13:00 said:

    Isn’t Garrow’s speech to Eragon and Roran basically Polonius’s speech to Laertes just before he waltzes off to France in Hamlet? Except without the poetic language, because Paolini is clearly trying too hard to go for ‘rustic old farmer’ in this scene?

  182. Phineas on 30 January 2014, 00:50 said:

    Goodness, people, it’s a story, and obviously not all the things are a) going to be true b) really meant to be true. There’s magic in the book for crying out loud. And so how would you describe Durza then? Other than human? How long is his nose? Do tell. All the descriptions, accurate or not, let the reader know what sort of feel that Panoli was trying to go for. And to be honest, it was rather refreshing to have a book that had underlying meaning as well as more outspoken ones, then you don’t have to mull over it forever and go in circles about whether or not this motif is correct or whether or not that was a symbol. And as for Eragon’s scar, it’s rather harsh to declare that he learned nothing, wouldn’t you agree? He learned through hard work to earn back as much mobility as possible, and it was a part of his identity. Say an amazing runner suddenly breaks their leg. That’s devestating, now what will they do? Who do they define themselves as now? Eragon had to learn who he was without that extra flamboyant layer of being a world class warrior, something when he was gifted back he appreciated much more.

    So sure, I guess what I’m saying is that that the series has some underlying faulty issues, but goodness, why nit pick a piece of work? I mean, that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? What you can learn from it, good or bad, leaves an impression on the reader’s mind for the future, especially those with such interesting story lines, with charachters whom are alien to us and yet so close that we can even get frustrated with them or proud at times, like a sibling.

    Your reaction is obviously different than mine regarding the Eragon series, but perhaps if anything now you can better understand the viewpoint of others on such a toppic, and in the future see the more artistic, deeper side of it, rather than becoming almost unnecessairly animated regarding the little chips of paint flaking off the mural, hmm?

  183. Asahel on 30 January 2014, 09:34 said:

    And as for Eragon’s scar, it’s rather harsh to declare that he learned nothing, wouldn’t you agree? …Eragon had to learn who he was without that extra flamboyant layer of being a world class warrior, something when he was gifted back he appreciated much more.

    No, I wouldn’t agree. Here’s why: Eragon was scarred neared the end of the first book, healed in the second, and shows 0 appreciation of it in the third and fourth. That’s the problem. Oh, sure, he’s glad to be healed in the second book, but it’s almost entirely forgotten by the third and fourth instead of being part of his character or affecting his outlook.

    see the more artistic, deeper side of it, rather than becoming almost unnecessairly animated regarding the little chips of paint flaking off the mural, hmm?

    There are some deep, fundamental flaws that amount to so much more than “little chips of paint flaking off.” Find the essays on this site that refer to Sloan or to Eragon’s displayed sociopathy. I see now I really need to finish my overview of the fourth book because the Sloan essay was written before it was finished. I’ll say this by way of preview: as seen by the treatment of Sloan, even when Eragon is pretending to be merciful, he’s utterly cruel.

    But, hey, having your saving-the-world-from-peril good guy be a heartless, ruthless, thoughtless person is just a surface problem, right?

  184. Pryotra on 30 January 2014, 10:34 said:

    I mean, that’s the beauty of it, isn’t it? What you can learn from it, good or bad, leaves an impression on the reader’s mind for the future, especially those with such interesting story lines, with charachters whom are alien to us and yet so close that we can even get frustrated with them or proud at times, like a sibling.

    We learn nothing from the Inheritance Cycle because the characters learn nothing from it. Eragon never never grows as a character, and even when he does make mistakes, he never has to fully pay the price.

    The storylines are dull, easy to predict, came from other, better books and bring nothing new to the world of fiction. These aren’t just “little chips of paint flaking off” they essential bits to the whole thing.

    The character are either completely static, potentially interesting and completely ignored or, like Eragon, rather disturbing when you look at them. I feel neither proud nor frustrated with them, only bored or disturbed, and I most certainly do not see them as siblings.

    You nitpick a work because the author didn’t think hard enough about it, so the nits are still there to pick. I don’t like nits in my books. A flawed work is not beautiful, it’s a shadow of the work that it should be. While you appear to see the work as beautiful, we disagree.

    Perhaps in the future you can see the critical viewpoint of such a topic, and in the future consider that your way isn’t the only way, hmm?

  185. Juracan on 30 January 2014, 13:49 said:

    Hm.. I’m going to try take a softer approach than Asahel and Pyrotra.

    I read Eragon and I liked it. I still like it. I have all the books in the series on my bookshelf. I’m probably the worst person to write negative reviews, because I can forgive quite a lot of awful writing if I get a fight scene every so often. Chalk it up to my history of watching too many TV movies.

    I have, for the longest time, seen The Inheritance Cycle as Christopher Paolini’s love letter to the fantasy genre. Is it a well-written letter? Er, not really . Several of the issues people have with it boil down to more than just nitpicking. There are some glaring inconsistencies in this series. No, there’s no such thing as a perfect work of fiction, and everything has its flaws; and you’re allowed to like whatever you want. But if a work is flawed, ignoring those flaws doesn’t do you any favors—that’s my approach to criticism.

    Now this article is very obvious tongue-in-cheek, and like the “Everything Wrong With” videos on YouTube, yes, it’s bound to nitpick. But with them there’s several legitimate points that, when put together, show that there’s a lack of thought in several aspects of the story and worldbuilding. Even if you thought it was good, the fact remains that it could have been so much better. But hey, if you made it through all this, saw the issues pointed out, and still liked the book? Hey, power on.

    I suppose what I’m trying to say, Phineas, is this: our criticism of Eragon is perfectly legitimate. Your enjoyment of Eragon is no less legitimate. We (or at least I) won’t begrudge you for liking and seeing something worthwhile in Eragon, as long as you don’t mind us not necessarily seeing it in the same light you do.

  186. Foxylinguist on 12 February 2014, 03:34 said:

    I write reviews for a website focused around speculative fiction. Earlier, I got into an argument with someone who believes I am too harsh in my reviews, and somehow we got on the subject of dear Mr. Paolini.

    My opponent was a passionate defender of the books. Much like CP, I used to be a homeschooled teen author, but you are not likely to see any of my early work. And thank goodness for that; my parents had the wits about them to be honest. They’d gently break it to me that I had a lot of “potential”, but that my stories looked an awful lot like the anime I’d watched the week prior. They encouraged seeking critique from more experienced authors, gaining actual life experience, and, above all, continuing to write.

    I wish someone had told CP these things. We might have seen Eragon delayed for a few years, emerging fully-formed from a far more mature perspective.

    That being said, as someone who relishes writing scathing and humorous reviews, I adored this piece. I know this is outrageously necro, but the pettiness was absurd and beautiful; for the first time, Eragon provided me with some enjoyment with the help of a lighthearted heckler. Though I understand from previous comments that Lord Snow has moved on, I want to extend my warmest thanks for giving me something to belly-laugh about today. I only stopped when that elf started scratching me.

  187. Anti-Hater on 5 June 2014, 03:47 said:

    This is real BS. It was a great book. How about i pick out everything about everything ever created. Your just another hater.

  188. Tim on 5 June 2014, 04:31 said:

    You have the analytical skills of a six year old.

  189. Tim on 5 June 2014, 04:40 said:

    Actually, given the email address I think it’s actually a spambot dropping a link for a minecraft server.

  190. sanguine on 5 June 2014, 09:26 said:

    How exactly does one pick out everything about everything? Sounds like it would take a while. Also, You’re*

    While I’m here, I’ll just go ahead and say that Eragon was actually a terrible book. The prose is awful, the characters are flat and beyond unlikable, and the plot is so unrealistic it hurts my brain. Even worse than all that tenfold is the dialogue. It sounds like everyone is reading off a malfunctioning teleprompter.

  191. Mattheiux on 2 January 2015, 06:25 said:

    Actually, skilled archers hold extra arrows in their left hands all the time, its a speed technique that allows very quick follow up shots, and because you don’t actually hold the bow very tightly in the left hand, it’s more than comfortable and easy to do. The book is, however, utter crap and the movie was loads worse. For starters, the book is named E-ragon…clever clever boy, why not just call it D-ragon….

  192. Grace Itself on 16 January 2015, 10:15 said:

    I would like to mention that diamonds are actually quite brittle, so if you were to hit one with a hammer, it would shatter. So it would be quite a valiable method if they hit the egg with a hammer, were to be just as hard or a bit less hard than diamonds. Since it doesn’t break either means that its hardness is such that it overrides its brittleness or that it’s not actually truly harder than a diamond, it simply does not have a crystalline structure that would in turn make hitting it with a hammer…. efficient.

    Otherwise, I do agree that the book is not very good, but for somewhat different reasons…

  193. Major Critic11 on 7 March 2015, 16:49 said:

    This was legit! Eragon was so bad it was unbelievable. The only reason why this crap got published was because it was through his parents publishing company.

  194. Utopia on 7 March 2015, 17:01 said:

    What scares me is 1. Eragon’s unhealthy obsession with that elf, and 2. That Sapphira was jealous because of that. By the way who ever is a fan of this stupid book about an stupid boy who’s name is Dragon replaced with an E, is an idiot. This terrible book literally reminds me of something I wrote when I was 8, then realized it was stupid after a month. Also, the ancient language and names of the places are the stupidest words I’ve ever heard in my life.

  195. Juracan on 7 March 2015, 20:58 said:

    By the way who ever is a fan of this stupid book about an stupid boy who’s name is Dragon replaced with an E, is an idiot.

    I dunno. I had fun with it. Yeah, it’s not good , but that doesn’t mean one can’t enjoy it. And even if they don’t realize that it’s bad, doesn’t make them stupid.

    Then again, I suppose I can’t rule out the possibility that I am an idiot…

  196. swenson on 7 March 2015, 22:39 said:

    lol

    Same here, I used to be a fan of it and I still have more positive feelings toward the series than you might expect.

    There’s nothing wrong with being fond of trashy fantasy, IMO, so long as you’re realistic about what it is. Even Twilight or Fifty Shades, I don’t actually have a problem with people reading them and getting enjoyment out of it. I only start having a problem when people don’t recognize the problems (don’t realize how massively unhealthy the relationships in them are, for example) or think that they’re amazing writing or something.

    Unless we’re talking, like, Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, in which case if you unironically enjoyed it, what are you smokin’???

  197. The Smith of Lie on 8 March 2015, 04:16 said:

    I only start having a problem when people don’t recognize the problems (don’t realize how massively unhealthy the relationships in them are, for example) or think that they’re amazing writing or something.

    Exactly. I have no problems with those books, even if I don’t ever plan on reading them. But I have a terribly adverse reactions to fans proselytizing the supposed superiority of those books. Reading how Twilight is the best thing sincle sliced bread or that “This Tolkien dude totally ripped off Eragon” does not elicit my sympathy at all.

    On the other hand they may be a jumpoing off point for people who didn’t reat much before and hopefully some of fans will find their way towards better books.

    So yeah, poking fun at the books is ok, but unless it’s Eng, there’s no need for as much vitriol as in comments 193 and 194.

  198. Arya on 9 March 2015, 22:36 said:

    This creepy guy Eragon keeps frigging stalking me!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  199. KIt on 9 March 2015, 22:39 said:

    LOL Arya. Maybe CP had a similar stalker-like crush like Eragon.

  200. Alix on 9 March 2015, 22:41 said:

    CP is a complete idiot!!!

  201. Alix on 9 March 2015, 22:43 said:

    I thought the book would become ten times worse when CP decided to include romance!

  202. Eragon on 9 March 2015, 22:50 said:

    Hey! Why is everyone being mean to me! By the way Arya I just want to say that I love you to my hearts content, and am observing you for this reason.

  203. Arya on 9 March 2015, 22:52 said:

    Um….observing is an understatement.

  204. Seven Shades on 6 April 2015, 17:55 said:

    Dude, a LOT of your arguments are unreasonable, you’re just ragging on this guy for no reason because he uses figures of speech. I have to admit, you made me laugh a few times, like with the “Bow to me, mortals!” bit. However, most of your comments interpreted several words and sayings out of context. Overall, I think you are trying too hard, a lot of your arguments are invalid.

  205. el on 10 April 2015, 12:38 said:

    I love eragon. it is awesome.

  206. Asahel on 17 April 2015, 17:05 said:

    Weird. I left a comment in here the other day, but it’s gone now. It didn’t contain anything offensive or any links to other websites, so I can’t imagine that it was deleted for moderation purposes. Strange.

  207. organiclead on 19 April 2015, 15:00 said:

    It might have accidentally been deleted when they removed a bunch of spam that was all over this article.

  208. swenson on 19 April 2015, 18:43 said:

    Asahel, I double checked behind the scenes, and I don’t see your comment anywhere, even in the spam comments. Are you sure you saved it?

  209. Asahel on 20 April 2015, 13:51 said:

    Asahel, I double checked behind the scenes, and I don’t see your comment anywhere, even in the spam comments. Are you sure you saved it?

    Whoops, maybe that was the issue. I was probably looking at the preview, and thought I had submitted it. Anyway, here it was:

    I love eragon. it is awesome.

    If we go with the original sense of awesome as “inspiring fear,” then, yes. Yes, Eragon is awesome.

  210. yes on 3 August 2015, 08:12 said:

    Damn, I’m actually upset that I’ve finished reading this whole page, comments included ofc.

  211. mad on 28 September 2015, 16:36 said:

    Ok. YOU are going to point to out HIS mistakes when you can’t even spell they? Think again MISTER.

  212. Asahel on 30 September 2015, 10:17 said:

    Ok. YOU are going to point to out HIS mistakes when you can’t even spell they? Think again MISTER.

    I wonder, do you actually consider this a valid counterargument?

  213. Apep on 30 September 2015, 12:07 said:

    I honestly tried to find what he was talking about, but I failed.

    Also, I looked at the date this was posted, and it was one of the first things to go up on II. Weird to think this site’s seven years old.

  214. Lord Snow on 7 October 2015, 21:36 said:

    I find it amazing that 7 years after this was written, it is still getting commented on. At the same time I can’t believe this site is seven years old already.

  215. Jackson Lewis on 22 October 2015, 14:57 said:

    Seven years

  216. Arya Stark on 9 June 2016, 14:13 said:

    Don’t forget, he says “the leagues melted away before them” but when he’s describing his house at the beginning he says the house was ten MILES out from Carvahall.