Alright, kiddies, gather round. It’s time to introduce the Halo drinking game.

I do not recommend actually playing this with alcohol as it will inevitably end in liver failure.

1. Take a drink every time that, despite being an angel, Bethany commits one of the seven deadly sins: Greed, Lust, Envy, Pride, Wrath, Sloth, and/or Gluttony.
2. Take a drink every time that the high school age characters act either nothing like high schoolers and more like how the movies show high school kids.
3. Take a drink every time that Adornetto does not to the research for something.
4. Take a drink every time that someone does something stupid.
5. Take a drink every time that someone does something that Adornetto seems to think is good, but on further inspection really isn’t
6. Take a drink for every time that Naybriel is villainized for actually caring about the job that they were sent there to do and not about Bethany’s love life
7. Take a drink every time that Bethany/Adornetto starts preaching to her peer group or putting her self insert above them.
8. Drink the whole stinking bottle when reality itself seems to have bent over backwards to accommodate Bethany.
9. Take a drink every time a character legitimately calls Bethany out on her stupidity and gets ignored or villainized.
10. Take a drink for when Xavier acts nothing like a normal teenage guy

…Yeah, there are ten of them. I don’t really know know how that happened.

I refuse to do anything involving the prose, wrong words, or the dialog. I actually would like to live out a few chapters.

Also, I’m going to state this right here: I am trying very hard to do too in depth into the religious aspect if these books or at least, I’m going to try to avoid talking too much about it. I don’t think you guys are all that interested in the deeper, more complicated parts of Catholic theology, and I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to convert you.

So, without further ado, let us begin chapter three. In which I wonder what kind of school Adornetto went to.

Chapter 3: Venus Cove

Haven’t we already discussed how Venus Cove was made up of smugglers and drug dealers? I don’t think there’s any reason to discuss this anymore. Also, they have a place called Shipwreck Coast. This place is honestly sickening.

We begin with a long, purple description of the school called ‘the Bryce Hamilton School’ which apparently used to be a convent. Because it can’t just be a normal school. Problem: most convents were pretty small and had pretty small rooms. Usually a school would be attached to a convent since the nuns would have tried teaching. She could have said that the nuns sold it, but having it be the convent isn’t the best use of things.

But here’s me, putting in logic into this story.

There’s some more description of the outside of the building that most people are just going to skip over, and then a pretty stupid statement.

Despite it’s archaic exterior, Bryce Hamilton, had a reputation for moving with the times, and was favored by progressive parents who wanted to avoid subjecting their students to any kind of repression.

Then lose the uniforms, dear. Also, this would mean that since Bethany doesn’t have a laptop or a smartphone or a tablet then she’d be pretty much doomed to failure.

Then she claims that most students were there because their grandparents were pupils.

Is it progressive or really ritzy and pretentious? Make up your mind, Adornetto. It can’t be both.

Bethany, Naybriel and Ivy stand outside the door of the school for a while, while Bethany feels sorry for herself and sneers at the teenage girls around her.

I’d listened in on the prayers of teenage girls and most of them centered on being accepted by the “popular” crowd and finding a boyfriend who played on the rugby team.

Hm. I sense smug superiority. That’s a drink. It is! \~/

Also, rugby? While rugby might be a big deal in Australia or such where our dear author is originally from, she moved to America, and honestly, she should know that it’s not a big deal in this country. This school is just dripping with pretentiousness.

Bethany whines about how she wants a friend, which is stupid since that’s not her job, and then starts listing steretypes. These include the music group, that only consists of guys with shoulder length hair; goths, who Bethany complains about existing because they violate the dress code that a progressive school wouldn’t have; “those who liked to think of themselves as artistic”; blonde girls who travel around in packs; and academic types that are too timid to be anything interesting.

\~/ \~/ \~/ \~/ \~/

Ah, we’re two pages in and I’m going to get drunk.

And get used to this. Bethany’s going to be acting like this for the rest of the book.

Naybriel and Ivy complain about modern fashion, which I’m not assigning a drink to because I think that this is in character for Naybriel. Ivy then acts like the proper maternal figure that she’s supposed to be, and they stand in front of the school, staring at it for another three minutes.

Wait…

Spitefic!

As we looked at the building, and Ivy gently touched my shoulder, my hearing, superior to any human’s, picked up the sound of giggles.

“They’ve been standing there for five minutes already,” a girl’s voice said. “Do you think they’re still alive?”

“Maybe if I throw a soda can at the guy…” a boy snicked.

“You can’t do that, he’s a teacher.”

“He’s not a teacher until he introduces himself as a teacher. I can just say I thought that he was a trespasser or something.”

“Wearing the uniform?” Another girl, this one with a bored, droning voice, said.

“…He stole it.” the boy descried.

There were someone giggles, and I tried to block out the inane adolescent twittering.

“What about the girl?” the boy asked his tone held an noisome note.

“Aw, leave the poor mousy girl alone,” the first girl giggled.

Something suddenly hit the back of my head, and my ruminations on the school vanished as I looked around, but there were too many children giggling at my being hit by an empty soda can for me to see the culprits.

I was shocked when I later realized that the academic children had been the ones to throw it.

Because there standing there staring at the building really would get people’s attention.

So they go in, everyone stares at them as if they are “royalty” because they’re just so special and are greeted by

A short, round woman with a pink cardigan and an over inflated sense of importance

\~/ for pride.

How does she even know that this woman has an ego? Seriously, we haven’t even talked to her. Or are you telling me that Bethany and Naybriel read minds now? Also, with a school as pretentious as what’s being described, it’s not surprising for the faculty to be a little impressed with themselves. It is a hard job to get after all.

The woman introduces herself as Mrs. Johnson, and we learn that Naybriel is going by the name of Mr. Church. The Agents of Light and Goodness are a subtle group, don’t you think? She mentions how their school is wonderful, and it sounds pretty normal for once, but Adornetto ruins it by mentioning that there’s supposed to be a basketball game that day, but if it starts raining, their team will have to forfeit.

\~/

First of all, basketball is an indoor sport. It was conceived of as being an indoor sport. It was created to be an indoor sport that people could play during the winter when the other sports were unplayable due to snow. A school this pretentious would have a basketball court. Most schools have basketball courts. Next, even if this school did not have a court that was indoors for some insane reason, they would just reschedule the stinking game! Why would they have to forfeit?

Blast it all I have no interest in sports, but I know this! \~/

But, as it turns out, this was just an excuse for Naybriel to make the sun come out so the little darlings could have their game after all. Nonexistent problem solved!

This book is making me feel ill.

“Well, would you look at that!” Mrs. Jorden exclaimed, “A change in the weather- you must have given us luck.”

I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to get diabetes from this book. We get another long flowery description about the halls and how they’re pretty pretentious, yet the kids have graffiti all over their lockers. I’m pretty sure that this wouldn’t be allowed in most schools. This could be interesting. This could show that the show used to be a pretentious, rich school, but it’s fallen on hard times recently, possibly even as something involving their mission on the level of sin in Venus Cove.

But I’m thinking again.

Naybriel gets worried that Bethany might have problems, and Bethany is very long suffering and says she’ll just have to bear it. Then Naybriel leaves Bethany to her own devices. Bethany is lost now, since she’s never seen a schedule let alone worked with one. Since she’s lost, she goes up to a

girl with a tumble of titian curls who was striding past

and asks directions. I’ve just looked up ‘titian’. This is the name of a Renaissance painter, and also ‘brownish-orange’ which seems to have been a color that the painter favored. I dislike having to look things up in the dictionary for a YA book, Adornetto. Also, from the dictionary that I read, this is not a popular word, and I’m not completely sure that it’s being used right.

Alright, Adornetto, you want to pretend that you’re high brow lit. Fine. Adjusts glasses

The problem with the use of words like this is manifold. The first is that, quite simply, the work is pretending to have more merit than it does. This is a cheap romance novel meant to appeal to pubescent girls who need something to do with themselves. It has no real theme, other than love conquers all or something to that effect. It makes no statement about society, life as a whole or even love as anything more than a fluffy feeling. The main character experiences little to no actual conflict or character growth. While some romance novels can be so well written and thoughtful that they capture something about human emotions, they do not do so by flaunting their vocabulary. This is the literary equivalent to a little girl putting on her mother’s dress and assuming that that makes her grown up.

Next, the age of the author is an issue. I feel that Adornetto is trying to make up for that with her vocabulary, and it’s tiresome. Also, there is the underline idea that permeates through the work that feels like Adornetto is preaching to me about the Corrupt and Mediocre Generation and how they use words like ‘lol’ when speaking. While I’ll tolerate this from someone who is old enough to be my parent, it gets really irritating to be preached to my someone who’s younger, or even the same age, as I am.

This is not to say that a writer shouldn’t use the vocabulary of a fifth grader, but when this very problem is listed in How Not to Write a Novel, and is clearly something the the writers (who are agents) have had to deal with for a while, you fail.

At any rate, Bethany asks the girl what her schedule means, and since it’s not that understandable, it makes some sense, but there’s a problem. Bethany would likely have had this explained to her. If nothing else there would have been a helpful little sheet of paper explaining everything to her in a kind of annoying way.

But if that had happened, we wouldn’t have gotten Bethany to have a conversation with a normal person, now would we? So, Redhead, who doesn’t have a name at the moment, asks Bethany if she has a spare after chemistry, which is her first class and offers to show her around. This is very nice of her actually. Bethany doesn’t have a clue what a spare is. I don’t either, but Redhead looks at her like she’s strange for not knowing that. Bethany said her last school didn’t have free periods.

Redhead introduces herself as Molly.

The girl was beautiful with glowing skin, rounded features, and bright eyes. Her rosiness reminded me of a painting I’d seen, a shepherdess in a bucolic setting.

First of all, the grammar nazi in me doesn’t like these sentences. There should be a comma between “beautiful” and “with”. Second, “beautiful” is what my English teachers refer to as a fluff word. It doesn’t actually mean anything.

Next, Bethany is, essentially, saying that Molly looks like a ideal of an illiterate, dirt poor girl who has to sleep outside with a group of stupid, surprisingly mean animals so she can eat that was created by a bunch of idealistic painters and loved by rich people. Because the rich people didn’t want to have to worry about said dirt poor girl, and they could now say “but look! She looks so healthy and natural and fresh!”

\~/

Finally, has anyone else noticed that people in these high schools are never average looking or have acne unless their minor characters or evil?

Because only pretty people can be Bethany’s friends! \~/

So, Bethany gets her books out of her locker, has some more inappropriate sounding thoughts about Naybriel and his “strong arms” taking her back home, and heads to class with Molly, who is suddenly her friend.

So, she finally straggles into class, the teacher gives her a mild rebuke for being late (that’s what you get for staring at the building for so long) and Bethany feels a little prissy but doesn’t speak out.

Almost every pair of eyes followed me as a took the last seat available.

Darling, have you ever been late for school? It’s not all that shocking. The only time I’ve ever noticed a person coming in late was when they were twenty or so minutes late in a fifty minute class. Most of the time, everyone will ignore you. You’re not that interesting.

Bethany sits in the back and ogles Molly. Well, she does. She just sits there and describes the girl rather than pay attention to class. Molly has the first button in her shirt undone and she wears earrings so therefore she’s fast.

What.

The next quote is…well, enjoy yourself.

“Don’t worry about Velt,” she whispered, seeing my look of surprise. “He’s a total stiff, bitter and twisted after his wife served the divorce papers. The only thing that gets him going is his new convertible, which he looks like a loser when driving.”

So, calling someone out for being late makes you a sick and twisted person in this world. I’d hate to be a jaywalker here. Or rather I should say that it seems like being a normal teacher and calling out Bethany makes you a sick, twisted wreck of a human being. Because, like most Sues, morality is determined by how nice you are to them. \~/

Also, way is it that a teenager can’t write dialog for teenagers? \~/

The girls talk in the middle of class about names, and Bethany notes that she

shouldn’t have have been talking at all since we were in class

and…Hm… She knows that she’s doing something wrong, and yet she’s doing it anyways, that counts as a sin in the Catholic Church~ \~/ Not a mortal sin or anything like that, or even one of the Seven Deadly Sins, but it’s a pretty good, textbook definition of a nice little venial sin which she shouldn’t be able to do if she’s an angel. This is the problem with actually tying in angels with Catholicism. They don’t sin. Ever. That’s why they’re angels and not demons. People have more leeway.

Molly complains about her name being something out of a “picture book” and, honestly, I’m going to talk about names again. Molly is a diminutive of Mary. Which I’m pretty sure that Adornetto did look up because authors like her have a name meaning fetish and thinks she’s very clever. Also, it’s a pretty common name. Not like her Super Special Awesome angels or…the love interest. She’s just showing how common and flaky poor Molly is.

I’ve decided that I like her. At least for now.

Molly asks what Bethany’s parents do, and Bethany brilliant answer:

They’re diplomats.

What.

No. Seriously. What. Why would a pair of diplomats be working in a little town like this? It would have to actually be important to the government or something for diplomats to be involved. Or…maybe I really am right about the town’s illegal activities, and now Molly is going to go home to her parents who are smuggling drugs into the country and tell them that the government is getting suspicious or something.

Now, the best, and easiest way to have resolve the parent issue would have been in one of three ways. The first is what I call the Necessary Orphan Approach. Either the parents had just died and her older siblings had come together to raise her, or she had recently been adopted by a young married couple but had been in the foster system before. This is usually sufficient. The other, and even easier answer would have been for Naybriel and Ivy to age themselves up a notch and played parents themselves.

But then they wouldn’t have been hot.

And we all know that that’s the real reason why they’re young looking. So that people can lust after angels.

\~/

We learn that Molly’s lived here her whole life, and repeats that fact that Venus Cove is boring. Because we didn’t know that before. Then the plot raises it’s head and takes a gasp for air as Molly mentions that things have been getting creepy lately. Bethany asks how so.

Now, here is what should have been said.

“…I don’t know,” Molly said, looking down at her hands, which had clenched into fists, “It’s not anything really…noticeable, it’s just that… My dog ran away last week. That wouldn’t be really weird, but everyone’s pets have been running away…and…and then people have been acting strange. Mr. White down the road from us has been looking at me lately, and it’s really freaking me out. Even everyone here. That graffiti that you saw. It didn’t used to be there. And the teachers don’t care. And…”

She laughed, a nervous, high sound that had an edge that worried me, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

This isn’t the best example in the world, but demons rarely decide to be visible to my knowledge.

We get mentioned that there’ve been some robberies, a flu epidemic and freak accidents where people died, including six kids.

The robberies and flu aren’t too bad, but not nearly good enough. The problem is the freak accidents.

stands up and walks over to her book shelf and takes out another Bible

“Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28. New American Standard

The demon’s primary interest shouldn’t be in killing people. It should be in sending people to Hell for all eternity.

And Bethany’s reaction.

“That’s devastating,” I said weakly, feeling a hollowness in the pit of my stomach.

It could be. If we weren’t dealing with this particular setting. Death is a terrifying thing, but what makes it scary isn’t the act of dying itself, it’s the fact that death is the great unknown. We as people don’t really know what happens when you die. Even when you have faith in a religion, it is still an unknown, and it’s still upsetting. Bethany isn’t dealing with an unknown. She knows what’s going to happen to the people who die. She might be sad if someone went to hell or purgatory or was did something that sent them to one of the two, but the dying bit wouldn’t really upset her.

\~/

This could have been interesting. She might actually be confused as to why people were so worried about dying, and have to learn about people and gain more empathy for them.

But that would mean that Bethany wasn’t perfect.

Bethany says that it’s the Agents of Darkness, who for some reason aren’t as interested in eternally damning people as they are in giving the kids a nice, clear shot into Heaven. She asks Molly if there was anything else, and Molly, who apparently is a bit of a gossip monger, mentions a guy who went up on the roof to get a baseball bat and somehow fell off and died. And no one’s managed to get the bloodstain off and everyone’s freaked out.

Not bad. Wrong genre, but not bad.

At this point, the Mr Velt gets over his hearing loss and tells off the girls for talking in class. They’re lucky they’re not in my chemistry class in college. They would have been told to leave. Or my Sociology class. He liked to write people’s names with a heart around them on the white board if they were late. So we could send then love.

Then Velt turns off the lights and starts a slide show.

I groaned inwardly and tried to suppress a rising wave of panic. We angels were radiant enough in the daylight. In the dark it was much worse but concealable. But in the halogen light of an overhead projector, who knew what would happen.

They glow.

\~/

BWAHAHAHAHA!

And the Powers of Light and Goodness didn’t think about this? \~/ They sent these morons down here when they glowed all the time.

If you had any doubts that this was a Twilight ripoff, you can rest assured. SMeyer’s vampires sparkle and Adornetto’s angels glow. I’d really like to see Bethany under a black light. I bet she’d turn funny colors or something.

Also…why isn’t the teacher using PowerPoint? I mean…this was written in the twenty-first century. Any decent school would have PowerPoint presentations. Blast it, I went to a community college, and everyone used PowerPoint.

Moving on, Bethany whines about how easy the theories that she’s learning are, (Pride \~/) and how she already knows all the sciences, and they’re so simplistic, and as she’s in a rather privileged position, it kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Then Boy shows up. He’s sitting right behind her, and asks her if she’s lost. Why? Bethany ogles his pretty blue eyes for a while and then he speaks.

“You know, the more conventional way to learn is from inside the classroom.”

\~/

What?

That sentence makes no sense whatsoever. Nothing leads up to it, and nothing hints that Bethany’s not paying attention. Adornetto just wanted the chance for her couple to meet in Chemistry in a blatant rip off of Twilight. There’s no lead up, there’s no hint. He just starts talking to her out of nowhere.

Edward Cullen was more believable than this!

Bethany ogles him for about a page in a half that I will sum up for your sanity’s sake.

OMIGOSHHE’SSOHAWT!!!!!!111!one1elevenzies

Ahem.

I had an instant, gut wrenching physical reaction as if the world were falling from under me and I had to steady myself to stop from falling with it.

\~/

There should be a comma there.

Also, I’ve been saving this rant for a while, but I think that this is a good place to have it.

I’m sure that, by this time, everyone here’s pretty sure that I hate YA romance. That’s not true. I think that YA romance can be positively precious. It can seem sweet, fragile, passionate, and all kinds of good things. Just like adult romance. I’ve read Fruits Basket. A YA romance can be just as good as any other romance.

What I object to is this love at first sight crud.

The reason is that no one has to work for it. The characters don’t start off as neutral, and through the course of events and traumas and trials and fears and battles grow closer and closer to one another. They don’t have to work. They just look at one another and boom. They’re in love. Problem solved. No one had to put in any effort. They don’t have to get over one another’s respective personality flaws, they don’t have to learn about one another. They just wuv one another without having any kind of problem.

And everything after that is just a Series of Unfortunate Misunderstandings.

So, Bethany looks like she’s going to faint from Boy’s massive hotness, and Boy worries about her. Bethany is worried that he doesn’t remember that memorable moment at the dock where he was torturing fish, and Bethany gushed over him. Boy mentions that he does remember and introduces himself as Xavier.

I liked Boy better.

Bethany gushes more about Xavier’s “ridiculous good looks”, sounds like she’s have some kind of…fit, and finally introduces herself as Bethany. If I were a guy, I would be a little bit worried about going after a girl who stared at me breathlessly for a good ten seconds before introducing herself. It’s been worried that I’d be hooking up with some…Yandere or something.

School goes on, but that’s not important. Other than the odd fact that they all use projectors. Seriously, what’s wrong with PowerPoint? Does this school have something against technology? Then why are they progressive?! If they’re progressive than they should at least be using PowerPoint if not prezi or something similar to that.

So anyways, the girls have to change clothes from gym and Bethany has a panic attack for some reason about taking off her clothes in public, and doesn’t seem to realize that there are ways to get around exposing yourself when changing in public. As long as it’s not a swimsuit. Molly somehow manages to get her bra straps tangled together (which seems like a rather difficult thing to do), and Bethany helps her with it, while talking about “the unnaturally soft touch” of her hands, which sounds…odd. They have an almost funny conversation where Bethany confuses hotness with body temperature, but there’s a problem with this.

You see, Bethany’s supposed to have been sitting around the house being taught how to act like a normal teenager and not bring attention to herself. While in reality, she’s been sitting around reading “literature” and refusing to tolerate modern pop culture, which she would have to know to seem normal. This is why she would have been better off watching TV. At least then she would have known the difference between a person being hot, as in attractive, and a person being hot, as in very warm.

\~/

Molly at least is normal enough to think that this is weird, but she brushes if off pretty fast after explaining it and making a crack about Bethany going to school on Mars. It’s more likely that Molly would have started avoiding her since she was weird, and Molly seems to be fairly popular.

Then she mentions Xavier, and Adornetto pats herself on the back for her naming skills.

Speaking his name aloud was strange. There was a cadence to it that made it sound special. I was glad that the boy with intense eyes and floppy hair wasn’t named Peter or Rob.

\~/

You said it! You said it! The only reason you named your stupid love interest Xavier was because you wanted him to be Speshul! It’s the same as those Naruto fanfic writers who get the brilliant idea to name there character Raven in a completely Japanese universe.

I for one would have rather seen him named something common. Since I would have to learn what made him different from the other characters named Peter or Rob, it might have actually made him more interesting. As it is, I just can’t help but think about a bald headed mutant in a wheelchair and think about how much cooler he is.

Molly mentions that there’s another Xavier in the school, and then when Bethany mentions his blue eyes, Molly basically says he’s off limits since he had a girlfriend who died in a fire two years ago and he’s still in mourning for her. And all kinds of girls have been throwing themselves at him. So Bethany’s so special and deep and interesting that she’s going to get him while the other girls are shallow harpies.

\~/

That…that’s… …stupid and melodramatic. Basically, this is to make Xavier sound like he’s going to be hard to get when he’s already been drooling over Bethany since he saw her. It also, to Adornetto’s mind, adds the Gothic. Since the guy’s morning for his “last wife” like in a Gothic romance, it makes him forbidden and broody and dark. There’s a problem. Xavier was sixteen. I’m not going to say that he might not have been miserable and that he would have talked about her and…well maybe even licked his wounds a little bit, but eventually, he would have moved on in life. If only to talk to his girlfriends about the girl who died.

This was not his wife. This was a girl who he cared about deeply, but if he was going to distance himself from everyone, the school would have made him see someone.

Also it’s mentioned that he “shut off emotionally”. I don’t see that. This is the same as those girls in fanfics who are abused by their parents to make them pitiful, but seem to be normal, well adjusted teenagers otherwise. Stop trying to get my pity, Adornetto. It ain’t happening.

Now, Adornetto does back herself out of her hole, and say that “oh, he got better” but that also takes out more work. She doesn’t have to drag him out of his shell. She doesn’t have to heal him from emotional damage.

Bethany does nothing. And they talk some more about how “guarded” Xavier was. That was the first I’d heard of it.

So finally Bethany remembers that there was a class. Whines a little about how immodest the gym uniform is, and mentions that she doesn’t have a navel.

This is actually smart, if angels only have one form. But the moment of thought disappears as Molly’s suddenly applying make up for gym. I assume that this is to tell us how shallow and worldly Molly is compared to Bethany, but it sounds kind of stupid to me. I mean, if you’re in gym, you’re going to sweat, and your make-up is going to run, and you’re going to look dumb.

Then Molly tries to apply some make-up to Bethany, and Bethany mentions that she doesn’t wear make-up much.

It’s not that odd, Adornetto. a lot of girls don’t really think about it very much.

And we get a comment about how Bethany smells like rain, which is way too much information as far as I’m concerned. Also…

What does this have to do with the plot?

This is pathetic. It’s one thing to be slow, it’s another thing to have nothing happen for three chapters. Let me sum up things so far:

Chapter 1: Bethany meets Xavier.
Chapter 2: Bethany whines about going to school.
Chapter 3: Bethany sees Xavier again.

Aside from introducing some minor characters, nothing has happened other than that. Now, Adornetto could say that ‘oh, this is a love story, so that’s all that supposed to happen’. My answer here is a resounding no. No, something should have happened by this point that was interesting and relevant. No, falling in love does not constitute a plot. No, Bethany being completely incompetent and stupid doesn’t make me like her. No, this does not remind me of a real place. No, you’re romance is not more interesting than epic battles between powers and principalities duking it out for people’s souls.

\~/ \~/

So, back to the ‘story’, they go out to gym, and Bethany finds out that the teacher is (teh horror) blonde and runs up demanding that Bethany and Molly stop and give her twenty. Also, a sudden friend of Molly’s is introduced, and her name is Taylah, who constantly says ‘duh’ and doesn’t seem to have much in her head other than helium. If she is black, I’m going to go kill something.

\~/

giggle

“Don’t you just hate gym teachers,” Molly said, rolling her eyes. “They’re so… up all the time.”

\~/

It makes about as much sense in context.

Gym behaves much as gym should, and we have the interesting bit of information that angels never get tired, and Bethany pities the poor useless humans who have to get hot and sweaty while she doesn’t even break a sweat. \~/ Pride again.

Did you guys know that in the history of the Catholic Church, pride was considered to be the greatest of all the Seven? It was because it was the only one that could lead to all the other ones. Greed couldn’t necessary lead to Sloth, but Pride sure could. Also, the sin of the devil was supposed to be pride as well. Since he thought that he could take over Heaven. Bethany’s doing such a good job of getting me to take her seriously as a sinless being.

our energy was limitless and so didn’t need to be conserved.

Then why do you sleep? Human’s sleep as a way to restore our energy. If Bethany had limitless energy, she wouldn’t have to sleep. Ever. In fact, sleep would have been seen as being totally lazy, since that’s a good eight to ten hours that you’re sitting around doing nothing. There are so many things that a person could do during that time!

You could be fighting demons! You could be flying around the world! You could be reading up on how human beings actually talk.

But anyways, Molly once again shows herself as somewhat smarter than your average post, and mentions it.

“You’re not even puffing,” she said accusingly. “You must be really fit.”

“Or use a really good deodorant,” added Taylah, tipping the contents of her water bottle down her cleavage.

\~/ \~/

I’m not even going to discuss the racist undercurrent of this.

Because clearly all girls other than Bethany are moronic little sleazes that think only about boys, while Bethany is…a moronic little twit who thinks only about a particular boy. And that makes her so much better.

\~/

Once the…important scene in the gym is over, Bethany basically says that nothing else happened, and then she catches another glimpse of Xavier and another agonizing two paragraphs about his eyes and how she felt to stare into them, and how much she wanted to be with him, and my stomach is sick just writing this.

Then, the plot makes a valiant attempt to resurface from the sea of fluff.

I shook myself mentally. This wasn’t why I had been sent to earth.

I think that Earth should be capitalized in this sense.

And, if you’re wondering, yes, Bethany’s voice really does sound that bland and uninteresting all the time.

She doesn’t ever seem to really react to anything emotionally. When she hears about the deaths, she just kind of goes “that’s sad” and continues ogling Xavier. She doesn’t react with “well, death isn’t that big of a deal”, she doesn’t wonder if she could have been prepared faster, she doesn’t seem to really feel anything. Other than an unhealthy obsession with a guy that she’s exchanged about ten sentences with at this point.

It’s like reading a narrative written by a chair. Only without the interesting perspective.

Bethany promises herself that she’s going to ignore Xavier and do…whatever she was there for… Preach to a bunch of jaded, bored high schoolers about how immortal their behavior is, and expect it to do something. And promises that she “won’t let him have any effect” on her.

Needless to say, I was to fail spectacularly.

\~/

And that’s the end of the chapter. Once again, nothing really happened, but there was a lot of nothing to wade through. Also, that was one of the poorest attempts at a hook that I’ve ever seen. Obviously, Bethany fails. If she didn’t fail, this book might have been interesting!

sigh I need to get another bottle.

Until next time.

Drink Count: 29

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Comment

  1. lilyWhite on 26 January 2013, 12:19 said:

    Bethany sits in the back and ogles Molly. Well, she does. She just sits there and describes the girl rather than pay attention to class. Molly has the first button in her shirt undone and she wears earrings so therefore she’s fast.

    This story would be much more interesting if Bethany realized that she had the hots for Molly. Both in how it could have explored the idea of a homosexual angel and that it would be doing something different that the typical paranormal romance.

    …oh, what am I saying, I don’t trust the author to do a competant job with either.

    Speaking his name aloud was strange. There was a cadence to it that made it sound special. I was glad that the boy with intense eyes and floppy hair wasn’t named Peter or Rob.

    Because the most important thing is that people have cool names. People with names like “Peter” or “Rob” are losers by virtue of what their parents named them.

    Bethany’s doing such a good job of getting me to take her seriously as a sinless being.

    That would make for an interesting story: a pretentious, sinful, and arrogance angel gets sent down to Earth on a “mission” when in reality it’s to show them that being an angel doesn’t make them holier or better than humans.

    “Or use a really good deodorant,” added Taylah, tipping the contents of her water bottle down her clevage.

    Methinks you mean anti-perspirant, twit.

  2. Pryotra on 26 January 2013, 13:09 said:

    Both in how it could have explored the idea of a homosexual angel and that it would be doing something different that the typical paranormal romance.

    It would be a lot of whining about forbidden love and how no one understood them, and how their romance was so much more pure than any icky het relationship. Much like…most yaoi fanfic.

    a pretentious, sinful, and arrogance angel gets sent down to Earth on a “mission” when in reality it’s to show them that being an angel doesn’t make them holier or better than humans.

    Ok, that would be awesome. And it could even make sense in the universe that Adornetto’s trying to jam this little horror into. After all, pride and arrogance were Satan’s sins from the beginning. Particularly when he was told that people were going to one up them.

    Of course, that would mean that there would have to be a plot and character development and Molly would have to actually be a nice person, despite her flaws. You’ll flip at what happens to her and Taylah.

  3. Asahel on 26 January 2013, 13:26 said:

    You know, I still haven’t gotten around the whole literally a 17-year-old angel thing. But now I’m also amazed at how she makes a big deal over Xavier’s looks. She’s an angel! She’s lived in Heaven! It’s so beautiful that there are no words in any language that could adequately describe it to our minds!

    Furthermore, I don’t understand this whole “they’re going incognito, but they still glow in the dark” idea. As far as recognition goes, there are two types of angelic appearances in the Bible: 1) The second you see them, you realize they are some sort of divine being and immediately collapse to the ground in fear or 2) Their disguise is so perfect that you could even eat a meal with them and not realize they were angels (i.e. entertaining angels unawares). This idea that they’re disguised as humans, but their disguises have faults implies that God can’t do something perfectly.

    Regarding the whole angel attraction angle, I think it would’ve been much more interesting (and a lot funnier) to do something like this: Prior to meeting anyone, Bethany is warned that being in a human disguise means she’ll have hormones. She promises to be extra careful, but never having had the experience before, she wonders how bad could it really be? Then, when Xavier talks to her, she experiences that chemical rush, and she doesn’t even know what’s going on—I mean, this guy isn’t anywhere close to the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, so why does she feel such an attraction to him? She’d probably want to seek out Gabriel immediately, but she can’t skip class and what is she going to do about this?

    I don’t know. The idea still has its faults, but they are at least fewer in number…

    One last thing:

    Molly somehow manages to get her bra straps tangled together (which seems like a rather difficult thing to do)

    That does sound difficult to do. It also sounds like something that a fast girl wouldn’t have much trouble with. It should cause Bethany to rethink her snap judgment of the girl.

  4. Brendan Rizzo on 26 January 2013, 15:16 said:

    Ah, I love this spork. This book is just so ridiculous that I love reading about how Adornetto makes each chapter more stupid than the last.

  5. Oculus_Reparo on 26 January 2013, 17:13 said:

    It would have been interesting if Bethany had met Xavier’s girlfriend in Heaven. Then there could have been some tension as she tries to decide how much, if anything, she might say to help him feel better; they could have discussed the human and angelic perspectives of death and loss; and there could have been some character development. Maybe replace the love at first sight bit with Bethany falling in love over Xavier’s acceptance, patience, and determination to help others despite his own grief—if you must have the love story at all.

  6. Asahel on 26 January 2013, 17:34 said:

    It would have been interesting if Bethany had met Xavier’s girlfriend in Heaven. Then there could have been some tension as she tries to decide how much, if anything, she might say to help him feel better; they could have discussed the human and angelic perspectives of death and loss; and there could have been some character development. Maybe replace the love at first sight bit with Bethany falling in love over Xavier’s acceptance, patience, and determination to help others despite his own grief—if you must have the love story at all.

    Indeed. There are quite a few missed opportunities in this story.

  7. Brendan Rizzo on 26 January 2013, 20:24 said:

    Indeed. There are quite a few missed opportunities in this story.

    Well, if you think about it, if the opportunities had been taken, this book wouldn’t be sporked, now would it?

  8. lilyWhite on 26 January 2013, 20:36 said:

    Well, if you think about it, if the opportunities had been taken, this book wouldn’t be sporked, now would it?

    The story of a million sporked books.

  9. Asahel on 26 January 2013, 21:25 said:

    You just have to wonder about God’s decision-making process in putting this group together. I imagine it going something like this:

    God: Michael, I’m concerned about demonic activity in Venus Cove.
    Michael: That wretched hive of scum and villainy. Isn’t that where all those drug dealers live?
    God: Yes, that place.
    Michael: Send me, Lord. I’ll make quick work of them!
    God: No, no, you’re far too busy.
    Michael: I’m sure I could fit it in my schedule if you wanted, my Lord.
    God: No, no, that’s ok. I’m going to send three of my other angels. First, I have chosen Gabriel.
    Michael: An excellent choice, O Lord. Gabriel will serve you well.
    God: Second, I have chosen Ivy, one of my seraphim.
    Michael: I’m sure a seraph will prove an excellent addition to the team. Who’s the last one?
    God: Bethany!
    Michael: Bethany?
    God: Bethany!
    Michael: Isn’t she that angel you made 17 years ago when Lucifer bet you that you couldn’t still make angels?
    God: Yes! She will be the third member of this demon fighting team.
    Michael: Really? I mean, not to question your judgment O All-Knowing, but what about a cherub? All of them have thousands of years experience fighting demons…
    God: They’re all busy.
    Michael: All of them?
    God: All of them.
    Michael: Even Rob?
    God: Rob’s on assignment in North Korea.
    Michael: Oh… Well… Still, sending such an untried, untested angel onto the Earth seems… I mean, are there any other available angels? Any at all? I’m sure Clarence isn’t busy, and it’s been a while since he earned his wings. I’d say he’s about ready for another mission.
    God: No, no, it’s time that Bethany leave Heaven for a while.
    Michael: …It’s because she’s annoying, isn’t it?
    God: As you know, it’s impossible for me to lie. That’s exactly the reason.

  10. lilyWhite on 26 January 2013, 21:30 said:

    And you just know that Rob asked to be sent to North Korea because he was tired of Bethany mocking his name.

    It wouldn’t surprise me if she was all like “‘God’? Yawn…”

  11. Taku on 26 January 2013, 21:45 said:

    I love your choice of GIFs. AS friend of mine is sporking Mr Darcy Takes a Wife, which is a fanfiction follow-up to Pride and Prejudice, and the gifs she uses are absolutely priceless.
    Some that may be appropriate for this book:




  12. Tim on 27 January 2013, 11:32 said:

    1. Take a drink every time that, despite being an angel, Bethany commits one of the seven deadly sins: Greed, Lust, Envy, Pride, Wrath, Sloth, and/or Gluttony.

    Well, angels can enact the wrath of God, which rather implies that they can’t sin. Obviously God can’t sin either, since He can hardly damn Himself to Hell for it, so it strikes me the sins are more things mortals aren’t allowed to do rather than things nobody is.

  13. Pryotra on 27 January 2013, 12:04 said:

    Prior to meeting anyone, Bethany is warned that being in a human disguise means she’ll have hormones. She promises to be extra careful, but never having had the experience before, she wonders how bad could it really be? Then, when Xavier talks to her, she experiences that chemical rush, and she doesn’t even know what’s going on—I mean, this guy isn’t anywhere close to the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, so why does she feel such an attraction to him? She’d probably want to seek out Gabriel immediately, but she can’t skip class and what is she going to do about this?

    That would have been hilarious. It would actually work for the idea as well, since she wouldn’t know what hormones were. It would also mean that she’d have to have something like a personality.

    This book is just so ridiculous that I love reading about how Adornetto makes each chapter more stupid than the last.

    It is part of the bile fascination factor.

    It would have been interesting if Bethany had met Xavier’s girlfriend in Heaven. Then there could have been some tension as she tries to decide how much, if anything, she might say to help him feel better; they could have discussed the human and angelic perspectives of death and loss; and there could have been some character development. Maybe replace the love at first sight bit with Bethany falling in love over Xavier’s acceptance, patience, and determination to help others despite his own grief—if you must have the love story at all.

    That would have worked rather nicely. It could have shown something like the endurance of humanity, and it might have made Bethany, who might not had understood why humans were supposed to be better than angels, understand why God cared about them so much.

    Naturally, we’ll see nothing like that in this little joy.

    Michael: …It’s because she’s annoying, isn’t it?

    I can somehow see this. And then we have a small scene where Gabriel is asked to do the mission quickly, but take his time in getting Bethany back up there. Hence the moronic ‘convert the high schoolers’ plot.

    I love your choice of GIFs. AS friend of mine is sporking Mr Darcy Takes a Wife, which is a fanfiction follow-up to Pride and Prejudice, and the gifs she uses are absolutely priceless.
    Some that may be appropriate for this book:

    Oh~ Please send me a link.

    There are great! I’ll definitely find some use for them. They’re all…so appropriate for what’s coming up next. Particularly the ‘Durr’ one.

    Well, angels can enact the wrath of God, which rather implies that they can’t sin. Obviously God can’t sin either, since He can hardly damn Himself to Hell for it, so it strikes me the sins are more things mortals aren’t allowed to do rather than things nobody is.

    Oh, Tim, how I’ve missed you.

  14. Sweguy on 27 January 2013, 14:37 said:

    Don’t be afraid to post some rants on the mythology-stuff. I love mythology and if you add that spice to this messy soup, we get to see some even deeper failures of Adornetto.

    How I’ve missed the Halo-sporking. Keep ‘em coming, please, you make my day!

    A side-note: it might be good for a spork who criticizes writing to not have as many spelling-errors as this one. Just sayin’.

  15. Finn on 27 January 2013, 14:50 said:

    Maybe I missed it, but does it ever mention what Bethany’s job/rank in Heaven was?

  16. Pryotra on 27 January 2013, 14:52 said:

    it might be good for a spork who criticizes writing to not have as many spelling-errors as this one. Just sayin’.

    As I’m a cheapskate who uses OpenOffice, they sometimes have some real problems with what is and isn’t spelled wrong. And as I get tired and overworked and really want to send out the thing, sometimes I miss in my self editing.

  17. Pryotra on 27 January 2013, 14:54 said:

    Maybe I missed it, but does it ever mention what Bethany’s job/rank in Heaven was?

    Job? Rank? Bethany? She’s perfect. Of course she doesn’t have a rank.

    She’s just “sweet and innocent and trusting.” Her words. Not mine. I very much doubt that Adornetto has any real clue what the ranks actually are. She thought that the Archangels were a clique.

  18. Sweguy on 27 January 2013, 15:10 said:

    As I’m a cheapskate who uses OpenOffice, they sometimes have some real problems with what is and isn’t spelled wrong. And as I get tired and overworked and really want to send out the thing, sometimes I miss in my self editing.

    Yeah, I know you’re one heck of a writer, I just noticed many misspelling during this spork which was kinda ironic :P

    Dammit, how do I put my text in a yellow box like you guys do? :<

  19. Puppet on 27 January 2013, 16:09 said:

    http://impishidea.com/about/how-to-use-textile

  20. Pryotra on 27 January 2013, 17:01 said:

    Oh, guys, I just found a interview with Adornetto~

    Check out this peace of gold:

    Where did you find your inspiration for Halo?

    I studied religion in high school. Everybody hated it, but I thought it was fascinating. We looked at the concept of God and the Holy Trinity, plus ideas like salvation and redemption.

    Kill me.

  21. Brendan Rizzo on 27 January 2013, 18:24 said:

    Where did you find your inspiration for Halo?

    I studied religion in high school. Everybody hated it, but I thought it was fascinating. We looked at the concept of God and the Holy Trinity, plus ideas like salvation and redemption.

    As someone who went to a Catholic high school, and so had to take classes about the religion, I call shenanigans!

  22. swenson on 28 January 2013, 01:43 said:

    Another one for the drinking game would be “take a drink every time something wildly goes against Scripture”. Except we’d drink all the alcohol in the world (and all the other liquids too) before we were done reading the back cover.

    Anyway.

    I completely agree with you on the demonic whatsits apparently going on. I firmly believe Satan is a whole lot more subtle than, muahaha, car accidents, car accidents everywhere! He likes to show up and tempt people subtly, convince them that Action X is totally not a sin, in fact it’s what you SHOULD be doing. You see this in the Garden of Eden, in the temptation of Christ, time and time again. He masquerades as the prince of light and all that. He works by making people think wrong things are OK.

    So here’s another idea of how the book could’ve been way better. Let’s say there’s this sudden downturn in morality in this town, and everyone has become really callous, but no one seems to notice. Suddenly people just argue all the time, and kids disobey their parents even more than usual, and people defraud their bosses, and there’s more fights, and maybe even there was a bar fight and some guy died but no one really seems to care, and there’s this rash of robberies, and people mugging little old ladies, stuff like that… and no one notices except the angels and maybe someone from out of town and one or two Christians in the town. That’d be much more interesting.

  23. Pryotra on 28 January 2013, 10:35 said:

    Another one for the drinking game would be “take a drink every time something wildly goes against Scripture”. Except we’d drink all the alcohol in the world (and all the other liquids too) before we were done reading the back cover.

    And I kind of thought that it went right there with not doing the research. Besides, the entire plot is wildly against scripture, since God wasn’t overly thrilled with the whole human/angel romance.

    I firmly believe Satan is a whole lot more subtle than, muahaha, car accidents, car accidents everywhere! He likes to show up and tempt people subtly, convince them that Action X is totally not a sin, in fact it’s what you SHOULD be doing. You see this in the Garden of Eden, in the temptation of Christ, time and time again. He masquerades as the prince of light and all that. He works by making people think wrong things are OK.

    Hence why he’s someone to be scared of. He’s supposed to actually be smart, not a corny villain from a Captain Planet. And if he did get it into his mind to kill people, he’d probably do something a little more…impressive than the flu. I mean, demons did used to be associated with sickness, but I just don’t see this as an assault worthy of sending an archangel to take care of.

    Let’s say there’s this sudden downturn in morality in this town, and everyone has become really callous, but no one seems to notice. Suddenly people just argue all the time, and kids disobey their parents even more than usual, and people defraud their bosses, and there’s more fights, and maybe even there was a bar fight and some guy died but no one really seems to care, and there’s this rash of robberies, and people mugging little old ladies, stuff like that… and no one notices except the angels and maybe someone from out of town and one or two Christians in the town. That’d be much more interesting.

    That would be interesting. It would even have a creepiness factor that this story desperately needs. Say, the only reason why Xavier is even interesting is that somehow he still notices what’s going on. Maybe his girlfriend is protecting him from beyond the grave or something. It could have really made their relationship worth something and have been honestly tragic and a sign that sometimes young love is extremely strong. It would take out the romance between Xavier and Bethany, but, honestly, the world could do without it.

    You know, we’re really coming up with some interesting ideas for this book.

  24. Asahel on 28 January 2013, 14:14 said:

    That would be interesting. It would even have a creepiness factor that this story desperately needs. Say, the only reason why Xavier is even interesting is that somehow he still notices what’s going on. Maybe his girlfriend is protecting him from beyond the grave or something. It could have really made their relationship worth something and have been honestly tragic and a sign that sometimes young love is extremely strong. It would take out the romance between Xavier and Bethany, but, honestly, the world could do without it.

    You know, we’re really coming up with some interesting ideas for this book.

    Let’s ramp up the creepy/interesting factor a bit. Let’s say I’m one of these demons involved in this temptation scheme. I notice Gabriel, Ivy, and Bethany arrive in town. Now, I’m not going to mess with Gabriel and I’ll steer clear of a seraph, but this Bethany is promising. And what’s this? She’s taken notice of a human boy? Xavier’s going to be my best friend from now on. Want to see a movie? My treat. Need a couple bucks for that new book/game/whatever? Anything for my best buddy. Hey, I’m having a party later. Just you, me, some friends. You should invite that new girl to come along, too. I think she likes you. I’m sure she’d come if you asked.

    The trouble is, there’s little chance of a happy ending without a literal deus ex machina.

  25. swenson on 28 January 2013, 15:08 said:

    On the flip side, if you’re going to have a deus ex machina ending, this would be a good book to do it in… seeing as God explicitly exists and all.

  26. Brendan Rizzo on 28 January 2013, 21:48 said:

    On the flip side, if you’re going to have a deus ex machina ending, this would be a good book to do it in… seeing as God explicitly exists and all.

    Ach! Don’t give her any ideas!

  27. Epke on 30 January 2013, 11:12 said:

    and we learn that Naybriel is going by the name of Mr. Church.

    Dr Evil was more subtle than this.

    Finally, has anyone else noticed that people in these high schools are never average looking or have acne unless their minor characters or evil?

    Mmm, I suspect Adornetto ascribes to the “Hollywood” version of teenagers: already finished baking, so to speak, and only the minority deals with problems like acne, pimples, cracking voices, delayed development etc, and even then, it’s nothing major. It would have been much more interesting if Bethany got a mundane, ordinary body (with pimples), rather than this glow-in-the-dark stick she’s in – that way she’d perhaps experience the mental aspect of being a teenager, as well as learning to accept herself. Of course, that’d mean she knew she’s prideful…

    This could have been interesting. She might actually be confused as to why people were so worried about dying, and have to learn about people and gain more empathy for them.

    A live human body and a deceased human body have the same number of particles. Structurally there’s no difference. This could really have been an interesting aspect of Bethany’s… that she doesn’t think of death as bad (she’s from Heaven, she knows it gets better), as it’s only the body that dies, not the soul.

    But the moment of thought disappears as Molly’s suddenly applying make up for gym. I assume that this is to tell us how shallow and worldly Molly is compared to Bethany, but it sounds kind of stupid to me. I mean, if you’re in gym, you’re going to sweat, and your make-up is going to run, and you’re going to look dumb.

    Eh, not that uncommon, truth be told. Dumb? Yes. But, very, very common. The girls in my high school and upper secondary class did often wear make-up to P.E., but it was usually divided between those with some lip stick/gloss and something on their cheeks, and the fewer ones who were practically covered in it. The latter almost never participated, however.

    our energy was limitless and so didn’t need to be conserved.

    Then why even think about Naybriel and his strong arms (Harlequin moment)? By all rights, the gender of the angels should just be a cosmetic choice – being male shouldn’t make you stronger. So Ivy and Bethany, despite their choice of having boobs, wouldn’t have this problem… because they have limitless energy.

    Bethany promises herself that she’s going to ignore Xavier and do…whatever she was there for… Preach to a bunch of jaded, bored high schoolers about how immortal their behavior is, and expect it to do something. And promises that she “won’t let him have any effect” on her.

    Yay, don’t you just love that one person in your class who thinks of everyone else as immoral and ungodly and, while not saying it, thinly veils that you’re all going to Hell? Bethany is such a sweetie.

    Michael: …It’s because she’s annoying, isn’t it?
    God: As you know, it’s impossible for me to lie. That’s exactly the reason.

    :D

    She thought that the Archangels were a clique.

    They’re like the girls in Mean Girls, walking down the hallways of the High School in Heaven in slow motion and everyone else just oogles them and pants after them… I wonder if that makes the Seraphim the Glee Club?

  28. Nate Winchester on 30 January 2013, 18:46 said:

    It’s time to introduce the Halo drinking game.

    “In the news today, one ‘Pryotra’ was convicted of attempted self-inflicted genocide upon ‘tasteful readers’.”

    Take a drink every time that the high school age characters act either nothing like high schoolers and more like how the movies show high school kids.

    Since actual high school kids suck, is that a bad thing?

    Take a drink for every time that Naybriel is villainized for actually caring about the job that they were sent there to do and not about Bethany’s love life

    What annoys me? (and keeps confusing me) The author’s name sounds more like one of the characters while the characters’ names sound like they should be the author’s.

    I don’t think you guys are all that interested in the deeper, more complicated parts of Catholic theology, and I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to convert you.

    Sounds like the start of a bad pick-up line…

    Is it progressive or really ritzy and pretentious? Make up your mind, Adornetto. It can’t be both.

    Well… describes the east coast pretty well if you ask me. rimshot

    Oh, and I love that SPN gif. Where would we be without them? (sad and depressed! that’s where!)

    The woman introduces herself as Mrs. Johnson, and we learn that Naybriel is going by the name of Mr. Church. The Agents of Light and Goodness are a subtle group, don’t you think?

    Dang, now I want to write a fic where some angels show up dressed as a total heavy metal band as a disguise. Like Marlyn Manson is just Gabriel trying to infiltrate Hell or something.

    but Adornetto ruins it by mentioning that there’s supposed to be a basketball game that day, but if it starts raining, their team will have to forfeit.

    I am from Kentucky.
    Basketball is a big deal to us.
    This offends me more than the religion fails!

    A school this pretentious would have a basketball court. Most schools have basketball courts. Next, even if this school did not have a court that was indoors for some insane reason, they would just reschedule the stinking game!

    If the school has a gym it has a basketball court. Even tiny schools have said gym pull double duty with assemblies and all when games aren’t being played.

    Seriously, I’d find it more believable if the author said the school had a dinosaur ranch.

    But, as it turns out, this was just an excuse for Naybriel to make the sun come out so the little darlings could have their game after all. Nonexistent problem solved!

    “Meanwhile, farmers in the area that had been praying for rain for weeks now wept as the banks repossessed their property.”

    This is a cheap romance novel meant to appeal to pubescent girls who need something to do with themselves.


    (so far that’s the one thing I’ve really liked from that show)

    Next, Bethany is, essentially, saying that Molly looks like a ideal of an illiterate, dirt poor girl…

    Oh life is never as great or horrible as we wish or fear. Sometimes illusions shouldn’t be punctured right away.

    Because only pretty people can be Bethany’s friends!

    It’s the rule of CW:
    “1) Like the rest of the shows on the CW, Supernatural takes place in a world where everyone is ridiculously good looking, unless something about the episode (of their lives!) specifically calls for them to be otherwise.”

    Read more: http://www.cracked.com/funny-112-supernatural/#ixzz2JUyJqPaZ

    Bethany sits in the back and ogles Molly. Well, she does. She just sits there and describes the girl rather than pay attention to class. Molly has the first button in her shirt undone and she wears earrings so therefore she’s fast.

    Did this just become yuri?

    Oh, and [puts on internet police hat] you should be using grump cat pictures, ma’am.

    No. Seriously. What. Why would a pair of diplomats be working in a little town like this? It would have to actually be important to the government or something for diplomats to be involved. Or…maybe I really am right about the town’s illegal activities, and now Molly is going to go home to her parents who are smuggling drugs into the country and tell them that the government is getting suspicious or something.

    [Deep Breath] Actually my uncle is a diplomat and has a little house just up the street from my parents’ (in a little community even smaller than this place in the book).

    BUT, of course there is more to it than that. Diplomats move around a lot and they do list certain places as “residence” that I think they are supposed to stay at when not out on assignment in another country. (not unlike military) My uncle has had residences in Washington DC as well as KY, TN, and even Russia IIRC. Now he doesn’t have any children so I can’t say for sure how much the rest of this pans out, but I’m sure it’s fail in whole new ways.

    The demon’s primary interest shouldn’t be in killing people. It should be in sending people to Hell for all eternity.

    See also: the Screwtape Letters.

    She might be sad if someone went to hell or purgatory or was did something that sent them to one of the two, but the dying bit wouldn’t really upset her.

    This could have been interesting. She might actually be confused as to why people were so worried about dying, and have to learn about people and gain more empathy for them.

    Worse: this could be a fascinating theological concept all packed into one simple statement. For instance, I think it Was George MacDonald who said something to the effect of “Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb because He knew even better than us how horrible death really is.” Or the syllogism: God is life. Thus, to be with God is to always be alive. Therefore to be dead is to be away from God. So for an angel, death might take on different horror concepts than it does for us.

    And the Powers of Light and Goodness didn’t think about this? \~/ They sent these morons down here when they glowed all the time.

    =D This amuses me immensely. But for all the wrong reasons.

    Boy mentions that he does remember and introduces himself as Xavier.

    Wait a second…

    “You know, the more conventional way to learn is from inside the classroom.”

    HE’S TRYING TO RECRUIT BETHANY FOR HIS SCHOOL OF GIFTED CHILDREN!!!

    If I were a guy, I would be a little bit worried about going after a girl who stared at me breathlessly for a good ten seconds before introducing herself. It’s been worried that I’d be hooking up with some…Yandere or something.

    That’s why you’re not a guy. We’re generally not that picky. ;-)

    I was glad that the boy with intense eyes and floppy hair wasn’t named Peter or Rob.

    Named Peter? Like the first pope, guard of heaven’s gates, and frequent victim of Paul’s thievery? (or whatever Catholics believe)

    Molly mentions that there’s another Xavier in the school, and then when Bethany mentions his blue eyes, Molly basically says he’s off limits since he had a girlfriend who died in a fire two years ago and he’s still in mourning for her. And all kinds of girls have been throwing themselves at him. So Bethany’s so special and deep and interesting that she’s going to get him while the other girls are shallow harpies.


    That would make for an interesting story: a pretentious, sinful, and arrogance angel gets sent down to Earth on a “mission” when in reality it’s to show them that being an angel doesn’t make them holier or better than humans.

    Didn’t we call that “Thor”?

    I completely agree with you on the demonic whatsits apparently going on. I firmly believe Satan is a whole lot more subtle than, muahaha, car accidents, car accidents everywhere! He likes to show up and tempt people subtly, convince them that Action X is totally not a sin, in fact it’s what you SHOULD be doing. You see this in the Garden of Eden, in the temptation of Christ, time and time again. He masquerades as the prince of light and all that. He works by making people think wrong things are OK.

    Must… quote… tropes…

    A rare example NOT played for laughs in C.S. Lewis’s The Space Trilogy with Satan, of all people. Inhabiting a human body, he attempts to re-create the fall of mankind with the newborn humanoids on Venus. He’s forbidden to harm Ransom, the protagonist, unless Ransom attacks first, so while the Eve equivalent is sleeping, he spends his time doing such petty things as killing small animals and tearing up the turf, even resorting to childishly tormenting Ransom (“Ransom!” “What?” “Nothing.” … “Ransom!”). Ransom is quite disturbed by this, finding it more troubling than he would a clever, charismatic Satan. He comes to realize that Satan considers all virtues, including cleverness and taste, to be a means to an end and discards them when they do not serve his purposes.

    And if he did get it into his mind to kill people, he’d probably do something a little more…impressive than the flu. I mean, demons did used to be associated with sickness, but I just don’t see this as an assault worthy of sending an archangel to take care of.

    What, like a hurricane? Or a crazed mass murderer? Or the spanish flu? (just saying)

  29. Pryotra on 3 February 2013, 22:37 said:

    Dr Evil was more subtle than this.

    King Apollyon of the Evil Empire was more subtle. I mean, what’s wrong with Smith? There are a lot of people called Smith. It would be wonderful to use for slipping under the radar. These morons are just standing around going “LOOK AT ME! AREN’T I SPECIAL!”

    Yay, don’t you just love that one person in your class who thinks of everyone else as immoral and ungodly and, while not saying it, thinly veils that you’re all going to Hell? Bethany is such a sweetie.

    Oh yes, they were a bundle of fun. Particularly when they know nothing about you and just look down on you because you’re not as deep as they think that they are.

    “In the news today, one ‘Pryotra’ was convicted of attempted self-inflicted genocide upon ‘tasteful readers’.”

    Unfortunately, they found that that case had a great deal of trouble in court. You see, I never said that you should do it. The judge just had to let me go.

    Since actual high school kids suck, is that a bad thing?

    Personally, I find it’ll be interesting if she had to deal with them. Maybe I’m just getting sadistic by this time. You would too if you had to read this whole stinking thing.

    Oh, and I love that SPN gif. Where would we be without them? (sad and depressed! that’s where!)

    And they make for such lovely gifs! And that “Live Free or Twihard” was the best episode ever.

    Seriously, I’d find it more believable if the author said the school had a dinosaur ranch.

    It was this passage that made me realize that I was going to have to spork this book and not just review it. As I said, I’m not a sportsfan. Basketball is a huge deal in my college, but I’ve never gone to a game. I do, however, have the sense to know how the game is played.

    “Meanwhile, farmers in the area that had been praying for rain for weeks now wept as the banks repossessed their property.”

    In retrospect, I should have added a drink to that.

    Did this just become yuri?

    Nope. Nothing that interesting. Though I’m pretty sure she’d do a worse job at that.

    Sometimes illusions shouldn’t be punctured right away.

    Oh how I wish that Bethany could meet Susan. I wouldn’t hope for Death, just Susan.

    Worse: this could be a fascinating theological concept all packed into one simple statement. For instance, I think it Was George MacDonald who said something to the effect of “Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb because He knew even better than us how horrible death really is.” Or the syllogism: God is life. Thus, to be with God is to always be alive. Therefore to be dead is to be away from God. So for an angel, death might take on different horror concepts than it does for us.

    Being that Adornetto has only taken a single class in religion, I’m pretty sure her brain would explode from that kind of thought and care.

    HE’S TRYING TO RECRUIT BETHANY FOR HIS SCHOOL OF GIFTED CHILDREN!!!

    Of course! He wouldn’t mind that her powers were useless! Professor Xavier would give her the care she needed and help her to understand that she’s just having delusions that she’s an angel to deal with the fact that she’s not normal and she’s scared, and that her mutant powers are perfectly normal.

    Actually, that would be an awesome spitefic. Seriously. Say that Naybriel and Ivy are pandering to that fantasy because they really are her siblings, and their parents just rejected them. They know that if they broke this fantasy she’s been having, she’d probably kill herself or something. They’re trying to start a new life and at the same time are terrified that she’ll do something to reveal that she’s a mutant or show her mental status which might get her taken away…

    Named Peter? Like the first pope, guard of heaven’s gates, and frequent victim of Paul’s thievery? (or whatever Catholics believe)

    That’s a English story. Basically, the king was in dept after building St. Paul’s Cathedral, so he took a bunch of money out of St. Peter’s. The people and the Church both disapproved.

    while the Eve equivalent is sleeping, he spends his time doing such petty things as killing small animals and tearing up the turf, even resorting to childishly tormenting Ransom (“Ransom!” “What?” “Nothing.” … “Ransom!”). Ransom is quite disturbed by this, finding it more troubling than he would a clever, charismatic Satan. He comes to realize that Satan considers all virtues, including cleverness and taste, to be a means to an end and discards them when they do not serve his purposes.

    This would work. If it were being used like this. It actually shows Lewis’s talent that he could make stupid little annoying things a means to breaking someone down. If this was at least mentioned or hinted, it would be epic.

    But it’s not.

    What, like a hurricane? Or a crazed mass murderer? Or the spanish flu? (just saying)

    That would work. The goal would be to scare people and make them lose faith in God. While a small epidemic might get a few people, I don’t think an archangel would be involved unless it was pretty serious.

    I’m not even going to get into the fact that Gabriel shouldn’t be involved in a fight to begin with since his role seems to be to act as messenger or interpreter.

  30. Asahel on 4 February 2013, 00:03 said:

    That’s a English story. Basically, the king was in dept after building St. Paul’s Cathedral, so he took a bunch of money out of St. Peter’s. The people and the Church both disapproved.

    Hold on a sec. You mean to tell me that the “Robbing Peter to pay Paul” saying is actually literal? I did not know that.

  31. Tim on 4 February 2013, 12:08 said:

    It’s a nice story, but it’s not true.

    http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/rob-peter-to-pay-paul.html

  32. Pryotra on 4 February 2013, 14:12 said:

    Hm, and they say history professors know what they’re talking about.

  33. Nintendo on 24 May 2013, 17:29 said:

    Then lose the uniforms, dear. Also, this would mean that since Bethany doesn’t have a laptop or a smartphone or a tablet then she’d be pretty much doomed to failure. From what I know (I live in New Zealand), I think all schools in Australia have uniforms. I don’t know why but that’s just how it is. If Venus Cove is in America, then ignore everything I just said.

  34. Apep on 24 May 2013, 18:08 said:

    As of the next chapter, we still have no idea where Venus Cove is. Because it’s never actually explained, and there’s an odd mix of characteristics. At best guess, it’s probably in Australia (i.e. where the author’s from).

  35. Pryotra on 24 May 2013, 18:31 said:

    There’s really no way that Venus Cove can exist, but I’m pretty sure that, given the things that she’s added to it, she’s writing about it like it’s in Australia, even though it doesn’t really have the characteristics right there either.

    I kind of think that she’s trying to be vague on purpose, making the place somewhere that could exist in any country, but that’s just theory. Given that she’s trying to add basketball, despite clearly not knowing how it’s played, seems to hint that to me at any rate.

    Though she really doesn’t have an excuse, given that there is an Australian Basketball League.