Sorry for the delay, but as finals have just ended, I am going to celebrate with a new chapter of Angel Fail.

In our last chapter…nothing happened. And in this chapter…nothing happens. Other than the fact that I find myself fainted creeped out by Adornetto’s view of love, she manages some more pretty extensive religion fails, and shows that she doesn’t seem to understand her own peers all that well.

Ready?

Let’s continue poking fun at a teenager’s personal fantasy on a website that she’ll probably never see.

Because that’s what being a critic is all about!

Chapter 2: Flesh

T’is but a flesh wound.

This chapter is, essentially speaking, Bethany talking about how being human is weird and hard and she’s so much better than everyone else for about fifteen pages.

So, having met Prince Charming in the first chapter, Bethany wakes up the next day and describes everything.

I could smell the briny sea air; recognize the sounds of gulls squawking, and the yeasty waves crashing over the rocks. pg 11

First of all, gulls don’t squawk. They cry. Squawking is an ugly, disharmonious sound, crying is a high pitched sound like the kinds that seagulls make. It’s a rather pleasant sound to wake up to, really. Next, yeasty…

I have this mental image of waves of dough rolling over the seashore. This is why you don’t want to just go to the thesaurus and use stuff you aren’t really familiar with. Or rely on Shakespeare for your descriptions. One must actually know a word, and know if it’s going to sound awkward or just weird in a context, and just because yeasty could be ‘foamy’ in the age of Shakespeare doesn’t mean that the average reader is going to get what you’re talking about.

Bethany describes her room as being very floral, little girlish and a Disney Princess vomit fest that I wouldn’t have walked into if my life depended on it when I was seventeen, talks about how weird it is that people can have texture and then decides to talk about Heaven. This is going to be a passage spork.

Try to imagine an expanse of white, an invisible city, with nothing material to be seen but still the most beautiful sight you can imagine.

This makes sense!

A sky like liquid gold and rose quartz,

So, we’re going to use material things to describe an immaterial thing?

a feeling of boyancy, of weightlessness,

This sentence is terribly structured. I mean it. There are so many appositives and lists that I’m not sure what can be taken out and what’s crucial to the sentence. I know that first person is more informal than third, but this is ridiculous.

seemingly empty but more majestic than the grandest place on Earth. pg 11-12

Personally, I always thought that there would be plants and animals in Heaven.

Hm. You know…

stands up, walks over to her bookshelf, looks around for a second and pulls out a Bible

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”— 1 Corinthians 2.9 (New International Version)

Translation: No one has any idea what Heaven looks like, so shut up.

She than starts complaining about how limited and bad language is, and how, despite the fact that language is…shall we say an important? You know the distinction between us and animals, how Christ himself is called the Word and that God is supposed to have created the universe by speaking. She whines about how language just can’t express things, and how feelings are so much better. So apparently, we should all broadcast our innermost feelings to the world for everyone to know about.

Maybe she can communicate with sign language through the rest of this book! Then I wouldn’t have to read her narrative!

This leads up to what is essentially one of the most disturbing views of love that I’ve ever seen. Observe, in all of it’s glory!

One of the most frustrating words in the human language, as far as I could tell was love. So much meaning attached to this one little word. People bandied it about freely, using it to describe their attachments to possessions, pets, vacation destinations, and favorite foods. In the same breath they then turn this word to the person who they considered the most important in their lives. Wasn’t this insulting? Shouldn’t there be some other term to describe this deeper emotion? pg. 12

Obviously, Adornetto has never heard that many languages actually do have different words for different kinds of love. English is slightly deficient in that area, but you can’t judge every language in the world by one language. All of them have flaws. For instance, I’ve heard that the Navajo language didn’t actually have possessives prior to European contact. This made things rather difficult for trade, particularly since the Europeans were already xenophobic. On the other hand, the Inuit have words for things that the snow does that we’ve never bothered to even consider.

But wait, there’s more!

Humans were so preoccupied with love. They were all so desperate to form an attachment to the one person they could refer to as their “other half.” pg. 12

Only overly hormonal teenagers are, dear. The rest of us tend to move on to other things. And not everyone is that desperate. Also, I’ve never actually heard someone refer to someone else as their other half unless they were joking.

It seemed from my reading of literature that being in love meant becoming the beloved’s entire world. pg. 12

First of all, this sentence doesn’t make any sense. Being in love with someone makes you the entire world of the person you’re in love with? What if the other person doesn’t love you? I think that you’ve managed to back yourself into a corner there.

I’d blame the publisher, but honestly, I think by this point, their brain had turned to mush from the sheer floweriness of this paragraph that logic didn’t mean anything to them anymore.

Next, what literature are we talking about, Bethany? ‘Literature’ is a very broad topic that, even if you don’t mean genre fiction encompasses everything from folklore to Brave New World. Literature is, according to one of my professors, something that comes in four genres: fiction, poetry, drama and creative nonfiction. Everything that can be classified into one of those categories is ‘literature’.

So, since Bethany hasn’t actually said what she’s been reading, I’m going to assume that, she’s been reading Love Under the Elms and those porn sequels to Pride and Prejudice that Rorschach sporks, and, because she’s a derp, thinks that the world actually works that way.

The rest of the universe paled into insignificance compared to the lovers. When they were separated, each fell into a melancholy state, and only when they were reunited did their hearts start beating again. Only when they were together could they really see the colors of the world. Apart, the color leeched away, leaving everything a hazy gray. pg. 12

That’s not love, Adornetto. That’s emotional dependency. Most people think that’s a bad thing, and honestly, the first thought in my head is “if that’s love, I’m so glad I’ve never experienced it.” Oh, and from a very strictly religious standpoint, this sounds a lot like idolatry. Since it’s not God, but the other person, who is the most important thing in the whole stinking universe.

I’m not going to bore you with the rest of this insanely long paragraph, but she mentions how angels, or, ‘celestial beings’ as Bethany calls them, don’t understand the ‘intensity of human emotion’ and she’s curious about it.

Last quote.

I found it amazing how humans could allow another person to take over their hearts and minds. pg. 12

I find it amazing that some publisher, somewhere, actually looked at this and said “yeah, we can make some money out of this.” And why do I get some kind of horror movie vibe from this? I thought we were talking about love, not demonic possession.

At the sounds of the other angels moving around, Bethany, who’s apparently been lying on the bed, looking at the ceiling and thinking about life, finally moves her carcass and goes down stairs.

What did my ruminations matter anyways when human love was barred to angels. pg. 13

Sex.

She’s whining about the fact that angels don’t have reproductive organs. Which is somehow essential to having a relationship with another person. If you cannot or do not want to make babies, you are a hollow, miserable shell of a creature that can only look at the happy, normal people and bemoan how life has mistreated you.

Also, she’s happily ignorant of the fact that celibacy is kind of a big deal in the religion that she’s using, and Christ himself, unless you believe Dan Brown, didn’t have a girlfriend and that didn’t seem to bother him that much.

Or are you saying that you understand more about love than God, sweetie? Because it can be twisted that way.

Oh, and…rumination? Who uses this word? Seriously, this word doesn’t belong outside the GRE. You know, if I had a heart, I might feel a little bad for you since this is about as easy as shooting an ostrich on a three foot island with machine gun, but since I apparently have a black hole, I really don’t.

So, after almost three pages of whining to herself about how hard it is to be her and how she’s never going to feel love when we all know that by the end of chapter five she’ll be mooning over Love Interest Ken’s turquoise eyes, Bethany comes down to grace the world with her prescience and whines about how sore she is.

You’d have thought she’d be used to this fact by now. I know I’m sick of reading about it. I mean, all she’s done so far is sit and whine.

Gabriel mentions that it’s afternoon, gives Bethany a cup of tea and looks concerned when she overreacts to the heat. Maybe he thinks she should be used to this by now too. Bethany mentions that she can feel pain more than Gabriel and Ivy can because she’s so empathetic and she sympathizes with humans so much.

I’m having Hush Hush flashbacks. By this logic, a sociopath wouldn’t be able feel anything do to the fact that they have no empathy for anyone. This is obviously not the case, but Adornetto doesn’t seem to have thought this out too hard.

I understand that this is fantasy, but there is some science in fantasy. There must be rules, and things must make sense to a person doing a casual read. Particularly when the story is set in the real world.

Bethany states that the reason for her being so special is because she was created seventeen years ago.


No.

Adornetto, have you ever even read a Bible before? I’m not talking about a Catholic Bible. Just you’re average, normal Bible. I suggest that you do. Angels. Do. Not. Reproduce. There. Are. No. Baby. Angels. Also, I kind of thought that God stopped creation after seven (figurative or literal) days. I sincerely doubt that he’d just randomly decided to break that just for your Sue.

Well, I suppose I should be grateful that Bethany’s not a cradle robber. It’s better than some of these characters that I’ve met. I’m not even going to get into the creepy undertones of the fact that Nora was actually Patch’s (while he was possessing Jules) descendant.

Now, there is a part of this that could have been interesting if done properly. It might have been interesting to explore how empathetic that she is and how much trouble that causes her by being bombarded by everyone’s emotions, sufferings, and problems. Particularly how she reacted to the concept of sin and how morally gray people can be. And how they can do completely horrible things, thinking that they are justified. Even in high school. She’d have to deal with, say, bullying, and see both sides of the whole issue. It might have actually worked as an idea. Not necessarily enough to pull the story through, but enough to make it slightly interesting.

Unfortunately, we never get that. We only get Bethany shilling herself for being young and innocent and trusting in a passage that really should have been edited out, and life goes on.

Do something!

So they sit around the breakfast table, Bethany doesn’t like cereal which makes me hate her more, and Ivy is described as platinum blonde and worries about her. Bethany mentions that she had a bad dream which she never mentioned before, and this really worries the others. I guess in the Adornettoverse, angels don’t dream. Gabriel tells her not to get too attached to the world. This sounds kind of strange since she just had a nightmare, and I don’t think that she’d want to experience it.

This is really bad writing, since Adornetto did not mention the nightmare at the beginning of the chapter, leading me to the idea that she’d woken up peacefully. While I’m kind of glad that I’ve avoided the Super Special Awesome dream, it’s kind of confusing to have mentioned when there was nothing about it at the time when it should have been mentioned.

Oh, get used to Gabriel’s characterization. Apparently, Adornetto’s agent thought she needed a jerk in the cast, or something. To add depth and rebellion or…something.

We get some pointless description about how hot Gabriel is, which I really think is inappropriate considering who he is, the archangels are referred to as a ‘clique’ rather than a RANK and Adornetto displays some glorious research fail.

But at heart (there should be a comma here) Gabriel was a warrior-his celesial name meant “Hero of God”- and it was he who had watched Sodom and Gomorrah burn. pg. 16

Adornetto really likes dashes. I mentioned in my last chapter that Gabriel meant either Man of God or Strength of God. In no site was hero ever even mentioned. There was one that said Strong Man of God though, but that’s not a hero, unless you’re talking Greek Mythology where heroes were essentially whoever had the biggest muscles.

Next, while Gabriel is mentioned as blowing his horn at the end of the world, he’s much more associated with revealing things, such as the announcing the births of Chirst and John the Baptist to their respective parents and explaining Daniel’s visions to him, than fighting. Also, what’s this celestial name thing? Gabriel has one name.

The archangel known for being the warrior is Micheal. You know, the angel who cast down Satan? Who’s said to lead the angels in battle? Who is considered by some to be the Prince of the Seraphim, the greatest rank of the angels? Who some consider to be the Angel of Death?

What’s the matter? To scary for you?

Though I’m glad he’s not involved in this. It’s painful enough to see the Archangel Gabriel involved in this crapfest. Though I’m sure he’ll turn up in another book and I can scream and rage and throw things against the wall or something.

You know what…this isn’t Gabriel. The name is misinterpreted, his role is misinterpreted, and everything about him is wrong. I name you Naybriel.

So this boring conversation continues and it turns out that Ivy has a snake tattoo that means that she’s one of the Seraphim.

No.

First of all, Adornetto says “a Seraphim” which is incorrect because Seraphim is the plural of Seraph, but she does show that, for the first time, she’s actually done something that is close to research. She mentions that the Seraphim were known for spitting fire in battle. While I didn’t get anything about that, I did get that their name meant “fiery ones” so I’m inclined to be lenient this time. She also manages to know that Seraphim where supposed to have six wings. It’s too bad that she didn’t mention the ‘many eyed’ bit.

Though the very idea of Ivy, who so far as shown the same amount of intelligence as a turnip, is one of the Seraphim is pretty funny.

Next, the idea of the Seraphim being identified by a snake tattoo. I have one thing to say: You fail religious studies forever!

And now, finally, Bethany describes herself. I will give credit where credit is due. The paragraph (yes, paragraph) is roughly the same size as the other character’s paragraphs. On the other hand, she spends the entire time talking about how pretty she is, rather than her rank or anything, which gets a sentence, since she doesn’t actually have a rank.

Pryotra’s condensed description: short with brown hair and eyes, skinny, very white. At least she’s not blonde like Adornetto is.

We get an insanely long description of Ivy putting toast in the garbage (You’d think angels would be more interested in not wasting food that could be eaten by the starving masses.) and finally we actually have some exposition and preaching about the human condition. They mention in the paper that there are all kinds of problems such as war, terrorism, economic collapse and other such problems are reported.

“Is it any wonder that people don’t feel safe,” Ivy said with a sigh, “They have no faith in each other.” pg. 18

Lady, I think that’s the least of humanities worries.

Also, you’re angels, not a pep squad.

Naybriel says that that’s not their problem and they need to focus on their mission. Which is the town because for some reason beyond the cast’s, or my, comprehension, the Dark Forces have decided to attack it. It’s a good thing that they’re being so slow about it so that heroes can sit and chill the way they’ve been done.

I’ve got to hand it to the Dark Forces, they’re a considerate bunch. I mean, most evil groups would know that it takes the Powers of Light and Goodness sweet forever to do anything, so they’d get the ball rolling before they could react, but not these guys. Maybe they’re in the Darwin house across the way or something, drinking koolaid and watching Jersey Shore.

They speculate on just why they would want to attack a middle class town in America for a while, and Naybriel gives this stunning piece of fridge logic.

“If they can conquer a town, they can conquer a city, then a state, then a county.” pg. 18

AND THEN THE WOOOORRRRLLLDDDD of course.

Honestly, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. A force that can conquer a town, may or may not be able to conquer a city. Also, what exactly are they trying to do? I’m a little confused about that. Are they literally going to try to take over the world? Why would they do that? From my knowledge of Catechism, demons aren’t as interested in the body as they are in corrupting people so that they go to hell. Because the devil is a spiteful little brat and if he has to go to Hell, so does everyone else. While I could see their trying to attack en masse and get people to do all kinds of heinous things to one another and with one another, I just can’t see what the goal is for a town like this.

Silly me, they don’t need a motivation; they’re the Dark Forces.

Ivy, trying to lighten the mood a little, says that they need to focus on their jobs and blend in.

She might be as old as time, but sometimes, Ivy could sound quiet naïve. Even I knew that blending in was going to be a challenge. pg. 18

…Ladies and Gentlemen, our heroine.

Once again, Adornetto goes out of her way to say how her angels are different and better than everyone around them, and everyone can’t help but sit and stare at them in utter admiration. We also get information on just why their having bodies is completely redundant: they glow in the dark because they’re so white, and they don’t leave footprints. Then she mentions that they never were tank tops as if this is so unique. A lot of people don’t.

Such as myself.

Adornetto, please don’t smack me upside the head with the Sledgehammer of Foreshadowing. It’s about as irritating as the Sledgehammer of Symbolism.

We get a long time skip, where Adorenetto mentions how the people are just so fascinated with them, as if they’re the first people who’d come there for years. Get this: she actually mentioned that people mistook them for celebrities because they’re so pretty. And then she snubs anyone who actually watches TV by mentioning how they never watch it. (For the second time.)

Wait.



GLORIA TESCH IS ALEXANDRA ADORNETTO!

She thinks she the new C.S. Lewis, is annoyingly preachy and makes her characters talk in ways that no actual person would. They are the same person I tell you!

Composes herself

Bethany continues and mentions how all you have to do is look at the newspaper and you see the evils of the world, and then mentions that the Agents of Darkness are the cause behind this. Seriously. It’s not the terrorist blowing up a building, it’s the Dark Forces.

Nqrhweuiasjfnqeuo osbnfu9qib o iuorn qui f

bqqt5h awjq

While I am as willing as anyone to assume that that the devil is going ‘Oh, tehehe, blow up this building!’ as the next person, I sincerely doubt that that building would have been blown up, and those people in the building would have died, if there was no person there who, of his own free will, pushed the big button.

goes away and has a cup of tea

Comes back and stares at the computer screen and the book

I should have known there was something wrong with this thing the moment that I noticed my cat was chewing on the edge of it.

So, anyways, Bethany mentions that she thought that Venus Cove was going to be an easy assignment, but she was about to realize how hard it really was. Subtle. Also, if everyone thought this was easy, why would you send an Archangel?

We then get a random description of the landscape around them. Apparently the place is utterly perfect in every way, including

pastorial scenes of undulating hills with grazing cows and pretty windmills. pg. 20

Windmills? Where in the US is this place. I mean, I’ve seen windmills, but the farm windmills that I’ve seen in the past aren’t what I’d call…pretty.

She also mentions that she is living in a one of the better houses in town (Naturally, what’s a Self-Insert without living in luxury?) and the only one of them who has any slight compunction about this gratuitous strutting around is Naybriel, who is so far the only character that I actually like. Bethany, in a rare moment of thought, mentions that she doesn’t think that the house isn’t going to help them blend in since it’s so ritzy, but then waves it off by saying that she couldn’t complain.

She also mentions how since they’re a beach town, they only get business in the summer, but that’s a good thing, because everyone is so laid back.

Let’s discuss this a little shall we? If the only time that these people get a lot of business is in the summer, how are they affording these big houses? Where is the money coming from? How are people paying to go eat out if there’s no work? That’s kind of how the economy works in this country. A person goes to work, makes money, then spends it on useless junk and/or eating out so that other people can go to work and make money and continue this. In a place that she is describing, predominately white and upper middle class, with a good school system that apparently demands uniforms, which will be discussed later, there would have to be some source of this money. Some business or something.

Or maybe they’re all criminals. That would make sense. Venus Cove is kind of like Tortuga and people are constantly smuggling in drugs or something which keeps the town rich.

Alright, I have an answer.

And finally….FINALLY the agents of Light and Goodness actually make plans to do something.

Don’t all cheer at once.

Bethany is going to…go to highschool, and Naybriel is going to teach music there. Because between the two of them, they can influence all the teenagers to become good little Christians.

I have no words for this.

Ivy is too “unworldly” (read: stupid) to actually interact like a normal person. Rather she shall stay at home like a good woman and cook and provide moral supper. But she tells Bethany that it’s her job to lead by example rather than actually do anything.

Because one little teenage girl who acts all moralistic is going to change the entire school, which via TV and the Internet and popular novels is also society in general. The only thing that might work would be a miracle.

Essentially we’re here to drive away evil influences and restore people’s faith in each other. pg. 22

And if we all hold hands and sing ‘It’s A Small World After All’ a big blue bubble will envelop the Earth and then Blue Heaven really will be a place on earth.

What about the demons? I want to see epic battles!

After all this, Naybriel basically tells Bethany to try to talk like a normal human being, and Bethany gets all offended and mentions how she’s not that scary. No, but you’re obnoxious, proud and do not have a clue about how people actually do things, and anyone who talked to you for longer than three minutes would back away from you slowly.

Ivy also says something rather important that I’m going to record here for future reference.

No personal talk about home, no “God reckons”…or “God told me”…they might think you’re on something. pg. 22

No, they’d think she was hearing voices.

Bethany says that she wants to fly down the corridors during lunch hour, and then waits for everyone to laugh at the joke. Naybriel doesn’t seem to get it, and Bethany gets all prissy about how he doesn’t have a sense of humor.

No, Bethany, you’re just not funny.

It’s kind of like in Twilight when Bella Swan thinks that her mom being ‘part albino’ is a joke, and then comments about how rain must dampen senses of humor because the guy she was talking to didn’t get it.

Bethany then starts whining again, in case you forgot that she was young an supposed to be easy to relate to by the teenage audience. She complains about how Naybriel and Ivy are so calm about the whole thing and know what to do while she’s so different and special and just got being human more than they did.

There’s a long discussing of clothing and the fact that the school they’re going to has uniforms, which is apparently really special, that I don’t really want to discuss. Three points of interest: she keeps on describing how hot Naybriel is, angels apparently walk around naked in this universe normally, and Bethany wears her hair in braided pigtails at seventeen.

Er…Adornetto, I’m probably not in the best position to say something given that I was homeschooled and all, but at seventeen walking around with braided pigtails in this day and age is rather like walking around with a big neon sign saying ‘Pick on Me.’

There’s some second guessing, a reminder that they really can’t say anything about what’s going on because they’re angels and therefore were commanded to, and high school is turned into The Most Important Thing Ever. And then they mention what could go wrong.

I doubted myself, and I knew that could lead to losing sight of my higher purpose. After all, it had happened before with dire consequences-we’d all heard of the dreadful legends of fallen angels, seduced by the pleasures of man, and we all knew what had become of them. pg. 24

Did you just feel the Sledgehammer of Foreshadowing? I sure did. Also, this is so awkwardly worded. I could cut out about half of that and still say the same thing. Though, to give Adornetto credit, at least she doesn’t refer to the Fallen as the devil’s angels and then try to make them the good guys.

And with that the chapter closes.

So, as a recap of what happened in this chapter: Bethany whined, there was pointless description, Bethany whined some more, we learned Naybriel’s and Ivy’s respective ranks, Bethany whined some more, we learned that Venus Cove is a hideout for smugglers and pirates, Bethany whined some more, they planned on going to school at some indeterminate time in the future, Bethany whined some more, and there was a big smack of foreshadowing.

In essence: absolutely nothing.

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Comment

  1. Brendan Rizzo on 8 December 2012, 11:00 said:

    Let’s continue poking fun at a teenager’s personal fantasy on a website that she’ll probably never see.

    Because that’s what being a critic is all about!

    LOL

    She than starts complaining about how limited and bad language is

    Clearly, Bethany is actually a member of the Data Integration Thought Entity!

    That’s not love, Adornetto. That’s emotional dependency. Most people think that’s a bad thing, and honestly, the first thought in my head is “if that’s love, I’m so glad I’ve never experienced it.”

    Five bucks says Adornetto here had to read Romeo and Juliet in class and thought it was soooo romantic…

    Bethany states that the reason for her being so special is because she was created seventeen years ago.

    Because Heaven forbid the Sue be older than the author!

    We get some pointless description about how hot Gabriel is, which I really think is inappropriate considering who he is, the archangels are referred to as a ‘clique’ rather than a RANK and Adornetto displays some glorious research fail.

    Well of course. Adornetto’s a high school girl. She is incapable of not thinking in terms of cliques.

    First of all, Adornetto says “a Seraphim” which is incorrect because Seraphim is the plural of Seraph, but she does show that, for the first time, she’s actually done something that is close to research. She mentions that the Seraphim were known for spitting fire in battle. While I didn’t get anything about that, I did get that their name meant “fiery ones” so I’m inclined to be lenient this time. She also manages to know that Seraphim where supposed to have six wings. It’s too bad that she didn’t mention the ‘many eyed’ bit.

    She also doesn’t understand that the Seraphim are supposed to emit a luminence so bright that it would kill any being, whether mortal or angel, who looks upon them. So why isn’t Bethany dead yet?

    After all this, Naybriel basically tells Bethany to try to talk like a normal human being, and Bethany gets all offended and mentions how she’s not that scary. No, but you’re obnoxious, proud and do not have a clue about how people actually do things, and anyone who talked to you for longer than three minutes would back away from you slowly.

    Are we SURE that Bethany isn’t a fallen angel? She’s definitely arrogant enough.

    So, as a recap of what happened in this chapter: Bethany whined, there was pointless description, Bethany whined some more, we learned Naybriel’s and Ivy’s respective ranks, Bethany whined some more, we learned that Venus Cove is a hideout for smugglers and pirates, Bethany whined some more, they planned on going to school at some indeterminate time in the future, Bethany whined some more, and there was a big smack of foreshadowing.

    In essence: absolutely nothing.

    Hey, at least Adornetto doesn’t write a bazillion Very Special Flashback Sequences for no good reason.

  2. swenson on 8 December 2012, 11:29 said:

    Translation: No one has any idea what Heaven looks like, so shut up.

    Ditto. Not that I’m particularly offended by attempts to describe heaven (there’s some attempts at description of the new Jerusalem, etc. by John in Revelation, after all), but it is very difficult to describe something that cannot be described. Probably wisest to avoid it, or at least talk more about the feelings it brings up rather than focus on material elements (which Whatserface points out aren’t really there anyway).

    Shouldn’t there be some other term to describe this deeper emotion?

    Honeypunches is an angel and she’s never heard the term “agape”?

    Quick Greek lesson for those who don’t speak ancient Greek: You’ve got four levels of love. Storge means “affection” and typically refers to family relationships (your mother has a natural affection for you, etc.). Philia is “brotherly love” (yes, it’s where “Philadelphia” comes from) and it’s a pretty general word, covering friendship, loyalty to family/community, desires, etc. Eros is romantic/sexual love. Agape is the most serious form of love, going deeper than mere affection or desire. In the Bible, “agape” is consistently used to refer to sacrificial love, particularly the love God has for us and the love we should have for him.

    In other words, yes, m’dear, there are such words. In fact, there’s a whole passage in the Bible (John 21:15-17) that has to do with the differences between these words. Religion fail? I think so.

    Humans were so preoccupied with love. They were all so desperate to form an attachment to the one person they could refer to as their “other half.”

    Actually, I’d say this is another religion fail. An important part of love and marriage in the Bible is that two become one, and God explicitly says it’s not good for Adam to be alone. Yet here she is, trying to say that this is some sort of a bad thing. (I suppose this could be classified as “angel doesn’t understand humanity” fail, in which case I actually think it’s a nice touch, but I doubt that’s where the author is taking it.)

    (And of course celibacy is also spoken about reasonably positively in the Bible. The point is that love is great—the relationship between Christ and the Church is often described as the Groom and the Bride—but that our first focus should be on God.)

    and those porn sequels to Pride and Prejudice that Rorschach sporks

    lololol

    I name you Naybriel.

    Thank you.

    Which is the town because for some reason beyond the cast’s, or my, comprehension, the Dark Forces have decided to attack it.

    Is this town perchance named Sunnydale?

    I just… I’m with the kitty. I just hate everything right now. And that last gif is pretty great. :D

  3. Pryotra on 8 December 2012, 11:59 said:

    Five bucks says Adornetto here had to read Romeo and Juliet in class and thought it was soooo romantic…

    Actually you’re right. She’s going to have a good whine about it this book too.

    So why isn’t Bethany dead yet?

    Because Sues are unable to be killed.

    Hey, at least Adornetto doesn’t write a bazillion Very Special Flashback Sequences for no good reason.

    True, Adornetto doesn’t seem to interested in those. She just has paragraph after paragraph about how hawt her angels are.

    Probably wisest to avoid it, or at least talk more about the feelings it brings up rather than focus on material elements

    I’d agree. I’m not against mentioning it and such, but Adornetto just kind of shot herself in the foot since she just said that she couldn’t describe it in the material, which was the only way a person could understand.

    Honeypunches is an angel and she’s never heard the term “agape”?

    Because Adorenetto is an idiot who thinks that all languages are like English. The French have different words for the love between friends and lovers as well. It’s not that uncommon.

    I just… I’m with the kitty. I just hate everything right now. And that last gif is pretty great. :D

    Thanks! I’ve been looking around for ones that are appropriate, and I just loved the bored Cookie Monster. It just summed up everything.

  4. lilyWhite on 8 December 2012, 12:55 said:

    Quick Greek lesson for those who don’t speak ancient Greek…

    That is awesome and you are awesome for mentioning that. =^_^=

    Because Sues are unable to be killed.

    Actually, Mary-Sues are just unable to stay dead. (And yes, I’m thinking of another stupid-author-bastardizing-angels book.)

    Given how the book’s going so far, I doubt that the romance will be any more “loving” than my love for chocolate. Or Claire Farron.

  5. jeppers on 8 December 2012, 13:22 said:

    I’m pretty sure that most YA authors have never been to high school. I can’t say my whole life revolved around school, or the other kids at school. I’m starting to think that they’re basing their stories off of what they see in movies and TV shows.

  6. E.T. on 8 December 2012, 13:27 said:

    Unlurking (finally, I’ve been reading for a while) to comment…
    I’d like to introduce some of these so-called angels to Uriel from the Dresden Files. I liked how the angels were handled there.

  7. Pryotra on 8 December 2012, 13:47 said:

    I’m pretty sure that most YA authors have never been to high school.

    It seems that way. Even when they are also in high school. What’s really bad it that I’ve never been to high school, and I see that this is stupid.

    I’d like to introduce some of these so-called angels to Uriel from the Dresden Files. I liked how the angels were handled there.

    Uriel was actually a really good portrayal of an archangel. Kind of like proof that it could be done without me wanting to smack my head against the wall. Butcher manages to handle the issue of religion really well in his world and manages to show a very pious man without making him a parody.

  8. Danielle on 8 December 2012, 14:00 said:

    an expanse of white, an invisible city, with nothing material to be seen but still the most beautiful sight you can imagine

    A sky like liquid gold and rose quartz

    seemingly empty but more majestic than the grandest place on Earth

    Heaven, everyone!

    Translation: No one has any idea what Heaven looks like, so shut up.

    LOL
    bq. Only when they were together could they really see the colors of the world.

    That sounds like a bad LSD trip.

    Apart, the color leeched away, leaving everything a hazy gray.

    So this boring conversation continues and it turns out that Ivy has a snake tattoo that means that she’s one of the Seraphim.

    WAT

    No, seriously. WAT

    Fall of Man story aside, a snake tattoo could mark Ivy as a healer, based on the story of Moses and the bronze serpent. But even then, the snake would have to be entwined around a pole, or even her arm, for that symbolism to work.

    Now, I’m just extrapolating here, but since a serpent is what led Adam and Eve to choose sin, thus bringing death into the world, Ivy’s snake tattoo could mean she’s the Angel of Death. Which would make this story sooooo much better.

  9. Asahel on 8 December 2012, 14:01 said:

    Bethany states that the reason for her being so special is because she was created seventeen years ago.

    Let’s set aside the issue that God probably isn’t still creating angels as far as we know. What I’d like to know is how Bethany knows she’s seventeen years old when she’s been in Heaven the whole time. A day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as a day, after all…

  10. Pryotra on 8 December 2012, 14:53 said:

    What I’d like to know is how Bethany knows she’s seventeen years old when she’s been in Heaven the whole time.

    Good question. Particularly since everyone would be immortal and thus there would be no need to even consider time the way we do other than maybe as a way to distinguish when you’re going to do something. I’d bet that they’d actually be disconcerted by how much we think about time.

  11. Epke on 8 December 2012, 15:50 said:

    I thought we’d never see another chapter of this, Pryotra. Keeping us in the dark like this :P Well, there’s so much fail in this chapter, I’ll just pick the ones that irritated me the most.

    Let’s continue poking fun at a teenager’s personal fantasy on a website that she’ll probably never see.
    Because that’s what being a critic is all about!

    Well… yes =D Plus I doubt she’d read this unless it had a five star-rating.

    Obviously, Adornetto has never heard that many languages actually do have different words for different kinds of love.

    Hm, you know, the Sami have like 12 different words for snow. It’s ridiculous to assume that just because one language has a few (or one) words for something, all others are the same.

    Humans were so preoccupied with love. They were all so desperate to form an attachment to the one person they could refer to as their “other half.” get laid and feel something that would eventually lead to love because that’s what they either want or were raised to want by society. pg. 12

    Fixed it for you, Ms Cornetto.

    The rest of the universe paled into insignificance compared to the lovers. When they were separated, each fell into a melancholy state, and only when they were reunited did their hearts start beating again. Only when they were together could they really see the colors of the world. Apart, the color leeched away, leaving everything a hazy gray. pg. 12

    Uhm… how about no? That sounds like a sickly codependent relationship that’s deeply unhealthy and will end badly. Probably involving a dagger and poison.

    But at heart (there should be a comma here) Gabriel was a warrior-his celestial name meant “Hero of God”- and it was he who had watched Sodom and Gomorrah burn. pg. 16

    Celestial name? What? I get that his name may sound different in the tongue of angels, but that just sounds stupid.

    unless you’re talking Greek Mythology where heroes where essentially whoever had the biggest muscles.

    Eeeh, the ancient Greeks weren’t all about physical strength. Achilles was a hero, though his only boast was skill and being dipped in the river Styx. Odysseus was a hero of the Trojan War for his cunning and cleverness… the only hero who relied almost entirely on his muscles was Herakles, and even some of his greatest feats were solved by using his mind (which I think was what the ancients idealised in a hero: the perfect blend between physical attributes and a sharp mind).

    The archangel known for being the warrior is Michael. You know, the angel who cast down Satan? Who’s said to lead the angels in battle? Who is considered by some to be the Prince of the Seraphim, the greatest rank of the angels? Who some consider to be the Angel of Death?

    The Viceroy of Heaven, “Who is Like God?”, almost always depicted with a sword and/or fighting Satan? It’s like she ignores everything on purpose. My god, any Google search would tell her this.

    So this boring conversation continues and it turns out that Ivy has a snake tattoo that means that she’s one of the Seraphim.

    I know that Christianity is the religion of this book, but I’ll go on a tangent here: the snake in Christianity is more or less a symbol of the Devil, as he took the form of a serpent to tempt Eve with an apple (of +10 intelligence). However, if we go back a bit further in the Abrahamic tree, to the time when the Hebrews had more than one God, but a Mother and a Father: Asherah and El. Or to get more accurate, Rabat Chawat Elat and El, parents to the Elohim (other gods). One of Asherah’s symbols was the snake and before the Canaanite religion changed to only have El, Asherah was the quintessential image for women to aspire to. So make what you will of how a snake tricked Eve (and “Eve” even being a name for Asherah). Anyway, point being in my little ramble here is that while the Seraphim have been connected to snakes/serpents/dragons, using a once feminine symbol and a now-negative (associated with Satan), isn’t all that bright.

    Venus Cove

    Anyone else got a vibe that perhaps Cornetto is trying to paint Bethany’s descent to Earth as a rebirth into a real (read: sexual) woman, in a “Birth of Venus” like scene?

  12. Fair on 8 December 2012, 19:09 said:

    She whines about how language just can’t express things, and how feelings are so much better. So apparently, we should all broadcast our innermost feelings to the world for everyone to know about.

    So, Angel Sparkle doesn’t realize that language is the best tool we can use to whine about our feelings? Unless we can communicate feelings telepathically (which would be awful) words are it, Babe.

  13. Danielle on 8 December 2012, 19:20 said:

    Anyone else got a vibe that perhaps Cornetto is trying to paint Bethany’s descent to Earth as a rebirth into a real (read: sexual) woman, in a “Birth of Venus” like scene?

    I doubt she’s that intelligent. She probably just thought, “Hm….I need a town that says she’ll find love there….let’s see….Loveville, no….Hookuptown, I’ll save that for the sequel….I know! Venus Cove! Because Venus was the goddess of LOVE! It almost makes TOO MUCH sense!”

  14. Pryotra on 8 December 2012, 19:24 said:

    Eeeh, the ancient Greeks weren’t all about physical strength. Achilles was a hero, though his only boast was skill and being dipped in the river Styx. Odysseus was a hero of the Trojan War for his cunning and cleverness… the only hero who relied almost entirely on his muscles was Herakles, and even some of his greatest feats were solved by using his mind (which I think was what the ancients idealised in a hero: the perfect blend between physical attributes and a sharp mind).

    I know. I meant that the Greeks were less interested in the moral character of their heroes and more interested in what they did. (Seriously some of those heroes were really jerks.) Also, it sounded funnier as a quip than for me to explain the whole thing.

    I know that Christianity is the religion of this book, but I’ll go on a tangent here: the snake in Christianity is more or less a symbol of the Devil, as he took the form of a serpent to tempt Eve with an apple (of +10 intelligence). However, if we go back a bit further in the Abrahamic tree, to the time when the Hebrews had more than one God, but a Mother and a Father: Asherah and El. Or to get more accurate, Rabat Chawat Elat and El, parents to the Elohim (other gods). One of Asherah’s symbols was the snake and before the Canaanite religion changed to only have El, Asherah was the quintessential image for women to aspire to. So make what you will of how a snake tricked Eve (and “Eve” even being a name for Asherah). Anyway, point being in my little ramble here is that while the Seraphim have been connected to snakes/serpents/dragons, using a once feminine symbol and a now-negative (associated with Satan), isn’t all that bright.

    You’ve just given this thing way, way more thought than Adornetto did. I doubt she knows much about the history of the religion of those areas. If any thought went into it, Danielle probably said it right with the snake on the staff as a symbol of healing, taking out the fact that to be healed the people had to essentially face up to their sins and all that.

    Either that or she just thought it sounded cool.

    Anyone else got a vibe that perhaps Cornetto is trying to paint Bethany’s descent to Earth as a rebirth into a real (read: sexual) woman, in a “Birth of Venus” like scene?

    I’d be more willing to bet that she doesn’t really know that much about Venus’s sexual overtones. She probably just thought “Oh, the Goddess of Love. THAT IS SO ROMANTIC! I’ll name my super special awesome beach town after her to foreshadow my EPIC LOVE STORY! I AM A GENIUS!”

    Though it is an interesting parallel to draw. Particularly since she’s been whining about not getting any.

  15. Danielle on 8 December 2012, 19:42 said:

    Particularly since she’s been whining about not getting any.

    But I’ll bet that if you asked Bethany when she’s going to sleep with Edward Xavier, she’d throw her hand over her mouth and be all “OMG NEVER UNTIL WE’RE MARRIED! THAT IS SO WRONG AND I WON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM THAT WAY UNTIL WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR AT LEAST A YEAR! YOU ARE SUCH A WHORE!” And then she’d run off and cry about how insensitive humans are to her needs.

  16. Epke on 8 December 2012, 20:03 said:

    @Danielle and Pryotra: You’re both right. I’m reading way, way too much into Adornetto’s choices of names and snakes. She probably just looked up angels on the web and saw how the highest choir had a lot of reptile-references and of course, thought Venus was the goddess of romance and love (rather than SEX! Mindblowing, non-missionary, hey-let’s-try-with-candlewax sex).

    “Hm….I need a town that says she’ll find love there….let’s see….Loveville, no….Hookuptown, I’ll save that for the sequel….I know! Venus Cove! Because Venus was the goddess of LOVE! It almost makes TOO MUCH sense!”

    “Oh, the Goddess of Love. THAT IS SO ROMANTIC! I’ll name my super special awesome beach town after her to foreshadow my EPIC LOVE STORY! I AM A GENIUS!”

    LOL, she’s practically channelling SMeyer there: “Oh, I chose Forks because the name is either a eating utensil or a fork in the Road of Choices, CAN YOU TELL I WENT TO COLLEGE?!”

    And your quip was funnier =D

  17. Juracan on 8 December 2012, 23:29 said:

    I think what bugged me most about the passages you quote is the whole thing written on love— this is especially egregious, because as an angel tasked with interacting with humanity, Bethany KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT HUMANITY.

    The view of love presented there is so… weak. It’s like someone with no actual experience with the real world was writing this book. How old was Adornetto when she wrote this?

    But at heart (there should be a comma here) Gabriel was a warrior-his celesial name meant “Hero of God”- and it was he who had watched Sodom and Gomorrah burn. pg. 16

    I’m more willing to give the author a pass here, because people tend to assign different archangels slightly different roles. We Catholics give a lot of roles to Michael, but in lore it could have been Michael, Uriel, Samael, or any other archangel associated with God’s wrath. The 1995 film The Prophecy gave a similar role to Gabriel, as well.

    That being said, this sentence is still odd— Gabriel watched Sodom and Gomorrah burn? Did he do it, or did he just watch as God did it?

  18. Oculus_Reparo on 9 December 2012, 00:25 said:

    People always seem to assume that angels don’t understand or can’t relate to human emotions. But I’d bet that, if anything, they understand us better than we do ourselves. This isn’t an exact parallel, but maybe it would be something like a parent understanding the emotions/thought processes of their child. Maybe the parent doesn’t quite feel the same way, but they do understand.

  19. Danielle on 9 December 2012, 11:42 said:

    People always seem to assume that angels don’t understand or can’t relate to human emotions.

    Which is dumb, considering they’re supposed to be warriors who fight on our behalf. Saying angels don’t understand human emotion would be like saying the soldiers in a nation’s armed forces don’t understand the emotions of the people they fight for. Angels are not robots, Cornetto.

  20. Pryotra on 9 December 2012, 12:14 said:

    But I’ll bet that if you asked Bethany when she’s going to sleep with Edward Xavier, she’d throw her hand over her mouth and be all “OMG NEVER UNTIL WE’RE MARRIED! THAT IS SO WRONG AND I WON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT HIM THAT WAY UNTIL WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR AT LEAST A YEAR! YOU ARE SUCH A WHORE!” And then she’d run off and cry about how insensitive humans are to her needs.

    I want to write this spitefic now. I’ll do it after she’s been dating Edward Xavier for a while and things get stupid. (Or stupider)

    Oh, I chose Forks because the name is either a eating utensil or a fork in the Road of Choices, CAN YOU TELL I WENT TO COLLEGE?!”

    Orly?

    Yeah, I can tell that you got a bachelor’s in Literature. Somehow. Despite misinterpreting everything you read.

    How old was Adornetto when she wrote this?

    Seventeen/eighteen.

    Living proof as to why teenagers shouldn’t write about themselves. Granted, I’m sure there are some very talented people out there, but most of them aren’t.

    I’m more willing to give the author a pass here, because people tend to assign different archangels slightly different roles. We Catholics give a lot of roles to Michael, but in lore it could have been Michael, Uriel, Samael, or any other archangel associated with God’s wrath. The 1995 film The Prophecy gave a similar role to Gabriel, as well.

    I’m less inclined to, simply since she jammed this little joy into a Catholic world view. Therefore, as far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to use the Catholic Church, then you should at least have an idea what the general consensus is about the role of certain angels in that religion.

    If she had just been using a general Judeo-Christian worldview, I wouldn’t object quiet so much.

    That being said, this sentence is still odd— Gabriel watched Sodom and Gomorrah burn? Did he do it, or did he just watch as God did it?

    I assume that she thinks he did it, but with Adornetto’s awkward writing style, it’s hard to tell.

    @Danielle and Oculus:

    Hear hear. I think she’s trying to say how awesome humanity is, but the problem is that it just doesn’t make sense. Just because they don’t have reproductive organs doesn’t mean that they don’t have a personality.

  21. Finn on 9 December 2012, 13:07 said:

    People always seem to assume that angels don’t understand or can’t relate to human emotions. But I’d bet that, if anything, they understand us better than we do ourselves. This isn’t an exact parallel, but maybe it would be something like a parent understanding the emotions/thought processes of their child. Maybe the parent doesn’t quite feel the same way, but they do understand.

    I agree.
    You know, I always thought angels were supposed to naturally have love and empathy for humans, and yet somehow Bethy-smethy is such a special snowflake just because she has empathy? Although them loving humanity is never mentioned, because in Adornetto’s world, love is used strictly in a romantic context facedesk
    I have news for you, Adornetto. Love =/= Sex

  22. Asahel on 9 December 2012, 14:43 said:

    Here’s another thing I didn’t point out earlier:

    I already know from the genre that this is going to be a human/angel romance.

    That’s why I find it odd that Gabriel is mentioned as watching Sodom and Gomorrah burn even though the angels that visited Sodom are not named in the Bible. What makes it odd is that one of the crimes of Sodom was that the men of the city wanted to have sex with the angels that came to check how bad the place was.

    So… does the book end with Venus Cove as a burning hole in the ground?

  23. Deborah on 9 December 2012, 14:52 said:

    Also, the Bible mentions that angels don’t GET married in the first place, which is why angel romances make me headdesk.

  24. Pryotra on 9 December 2012, 14:55 said:

    So… does the book end with Venus Cove as a burning hole in the ground?

    Well, no, but I have to admit, the book ends with a pretty epic line. In the wrong way of course.

    Though that could have been a good ending. Particularly after they find out that Venus Cove is completely made up of drug dealers and such. (I haven’t let go of that idea.)

    I don’t think that Adornetto really knows all that much about the story of Sodom and Gomorrah other than that they were Very Bad Places and they were destroyed. I’m starting to think that she’s really like Tesch in that her parents pretty much hid all the more unpleasant versions of the stories from her.

  25. swenson on 9 December 2012, 15:30 said:

    What makes it odd is that one of the crimes of Sodom was that the men of the city wanted to have sex with the angels that came to check how bad the place was.

    Non-consensual homosexual sex, but it’s not really said specifically which part was the worst.

    Also, the Bible mentions that angels don’t GET married in the first place, which is why angel romances make me headdesk.

    YES. THIS. Angels are pretty much consistently referred to in a genderless manner throughout the Bible. Male pronouns are used for them and I think we can assume that their corporeal appearances were in male form (which means female angels is a fail right there), but gender simply is a non-issue for angels. It is never even once relevant.

    Unless, of course, you interpret Genesis 6:4 as referring to angels, in which case the conclusion is that if angels do end up with humans, it’s a Very Very Bad Thing.

  26. Juracan on 9 December 2012, 18:40 said:

    Seventeen/eighteen.

    …that explains quite a bit. Not that all teenage authors are bad, mind you, but… yeah…

    I’m less inclined to, simply since she jammed this little joy into a Catholic world view. Therefore, as far as I’m concerned, if you’re going to use the Catholic Church, then you should at least have an idea what the general consensus is about the role of certain angels in that religion.

    If she had just been using a general Judeo-Christian worldview, I wouldn’t object quiet so much.

    Fair enough. If she specifically used Catholic theology as her guide, then there’s no excuse.

    Male pronouns are used for them and I think we can assume that their corporeal appearances were in male form (which means female angels is a fail right there), but gender simply is a non-issue for angels. It is never even once relevant.

    I think that if angels can make a corporeal body for themselves, they can make it whatever gender they want. That being said, though, the gender would just be an exterior trait, and not really a part of the angel’s identity… so it’s still a fail.

  27. Taku on 9 December 2012, 20:33 said:

    One of the reasons this book/series/author makes me sad is because I read an interview with her in the local paper when she was first published, and she struck me as remarkable intelligent, insightful, and well-rounded.

    It is sad that such an articulate young woman could make such a hash of a book.

  28. Epke on 10 December 2012, 15:46 said:

    Unless, of course, you interpret Genesis 6:4 as referring to angels, in which case the conclusion is that if angels do end up with humans, it’s a Very Very Bad Thing.

    And they lay with the daughters of men, and lo, the offspring was… giants, or something. (The Book of Enoch mentions several of the angels by name (with the funniest umlauts ever) and how many taught basic skills to humans, like painting, writing, smithing etc).
    But the point you bring up is excellent: the angels who did procreate with mortal women committed a heinous crime and were, if memory serves me, punished for it. Of course, while the Carpenter With the Wine did say that angels do not marry, this was long, long before him, so I don’t know; but one would think that while angels felt love for humans, it would be brotherly or just platonic love: not romantic (or as Bethany the Prude would want: sexual). That also brings me to the conundrum of all angel/human romances: could an angel still love God more than anything if she fell in love with a human? Because by Adornetto’s thoughts on love (see below), we’d have something of a Fallen on our hands.

    The rest of the universe paled into insignificance compared to the lovers

    In the same breath they then turn this word to the person who they considered the most important in their lives.

  29. Pryotra on 10 December 2012, 18:23 said:

    It is sad that such an articulate young woman could make such a hash of a book.

  30. Master Chief on 11 December 2012, 03:45 said:

    Well, this chapter has about as much fail as five Maradonia chapters combined. I think we’ve found a suitable successor. Can we get a drink count while we’re at it?

  31. Pryotra on 11 December 2012, 15:13 said:

    Sure. I’ll start a drinking game in the next chapter.

    You can watch as my liver dies.

  32. Juracan on 11 December 2012, 15:23 said:

    So, while attempting to procrastinate from finals I was reading negative reviews for this atrocity on Amazon, and I was thinking: I assumed that it took place in the US, but is it happening in Australia? ‘Cause that’s actually where Adornetto’s from.

    …not that it makes anything better, but it might factor in to the sporking.

  33. Pryotra on 11 December 2012, 16:12 said:

    I assumed that it took place in the US, but is it happening in Australia? ‘Cause that’s actually where Adornetto’s from.

    I looked it up before I started my sporking, and, apparently, she moved to America, so I assume that it’s set there.

    There’s even less business that a windmill would have in Australia anyways. I could be wrong of course, and Adornetto never has bothered to say where they are unless I missed something.

  34. swenson on 11 December 2012, 18:12 said:

    For whatever reason, I kept thinking this story was taking place on the California coast somewhere. Not sure why I thought that…

  35. Fell_Blade on 12 December 2012, 10:30 said:

    Wow, just wow. This is so bad it almost makes Twilight… no, it doesn’t. But it comes close.

    Loved all the Linkara references by the way!

  36. Nate Winchester on 15 December 2012, 23:00 said:

    She than starts complaining about how limited and bad language is, and how, despite the fact that language is…shall we say an important? You know the distinction between us and animals, how Christ himself is called the Word and that God is supposed to have created the universe by speaking. She whines about how language just can’t express things, and how feelings are so much better. So apparently, we should all broadcast our innermost feelings to the world for everyone to know about.

    I always liked the tradition idea (Tolkien & Lewis both make reference to it) that Jesus (and God) were maybe less “word” and more “song”. The language of heaven is music after all, and songs have so much more power to them than crude languages.

    That could have been humorous but well done in this. Like the high school musical episode of South Park, the main characters keep wanting to sing all the time, and they have to work at just speaking normally.

    Adornetto has never heard that many languages actually do have different words for different kinds of love. English is slightly deficient in that area, but you can’t judge every language in the world by one language.

    [deep breath]
    Passionate. “Fond of”. Affection. Friendship. Desire. Longing. “Warm feelings”. “Enjoy company”.

    That’s just off the top of my head. English has plenty, people are just deficient.

    Only overly hormonal teenagers are, dear. The rest of us tend to move on to other things. And not everyone is that desperate. Also, I’ve never actually heard someone refer to someone else as their other half unless they were joking.

    Varies from person to person. Some are, and sometimes you find that one person that really is your other half. You certainly get it from some old married couples. ;-)

    Oh, and from a very strictly religious standpoint, this sounds a lot like idolatry. Since it’s not God, but the other person, who is the most important thing in the whole stinking universe.

    Of course, that’s how Lewis was fond of describing God. Everything was duller without Him. Although, I do know some parents that describe their children as the light of their life. Of course, it’s often pointed out that love is not an exclusive thing. It’s like loving 1 thing/person means you have less love for another thing/person. Part of its miracle is that it multiplies, and often in loving one, you find yourself loving more. Hence why Christians are told that one cannot love God and hate his fellow man.

    She’s whining about the fact that angels don’t have reproductive organs. Which is somehow essential to having a relationship with another person. If you cannot or do not want to make babies, you are a hollow, miserable shell of a creature that can only look at the happy, normal people and bemoan how life has mistreated you.

    … Ok, I’m not going to bad-mouth sex or anything (it’s great and all), but… it’s a very old thought in religion that Heaven doesn’t have sex, because it doesn’t need it: they have a greater intimacy. Maybe a form of telepathy or maybe something else. It’s… I have no metaphor for this. It’s like… some rich guy with a top-of-the-line Lexus bemoaning the fact that he doesn’t have a Power Wheel. Only less! Angels wouldn’t care about sex because they don’t need it. They have something better.

    Also, she’s happily ignorant of the fact that celibacy is kind of a big deal in the religion that she’s using, and Christ himself, unless you believe Dan Brown, didn’t have a girlfriend and that didn’t seem to bother him that much.

    Well… He does have the Church (being His Bride and all).

    Bethany comes down to grace the world with her prescience and whines about how sore she is.

    She comes down to grace the world with her fortune telling?

    I understand that this is fantasy, but there is some science in fantasy. There must be rules, and things must make sense to a person doing a casual read. Particularly when the story is set in the real world.

    No. Not “science”. Logic. There’s LOGIC to fantasy. Magic A is magic A, etc.

    Gabriel tells her not to get too attached to the world.

    The world they’re gaurding? The world they’re fighting for? He – doesn’t want her – to get attached – TO THE THING THEY’RE PROTECTING????

    She thinks she the new C.S. Lewis, is annoyingly preachy and makes her characters talk in ways that no actual person would. They are the same person I tell you!

    Lewis?

    I take it back. The author is right. There are no words in English for the wrath and rage I have.

    Also, if everyone thought this was easy, why would you send an Archangel?

    That’s why they sent the scholar/“nerd” archangel. lol

    Seriously though. Serious badassitude.

  37. Abaris on 15 March 2013, 19:15 said:

    As much as I hate to defend this crap, there apparently is Jewish tradition that Gabriel was at Sodom.

    www.newadvent.org/cathen/06330a.htm

  38. Juracan on 10 September 2014, 11:00 said:

    So this boring conversation continues and it turns out that Ivy has a snake tattoo that means that she’s one of the Seraphim.

    She mentions that the Seraphim were known for spitting fire in battle. While I didn’t get anything about that, I did get that their name meant “fiery ones” so I’m inclined to be lenient this time.

    Okay, I’m really late to this, but I’ve recently been doing a read-through of the Old Testament, and I may have found something that actually helps to clear up what the heck this is about.

    In the Numbers, Chapter 21 verse 6 (the story of the bronze serpent), after the Israelites complain against God and Moses and all that, God sends what is referred to in my edition as ‘saraph serpents’ which bit the people and they got sick and died. The footnote in my Bible gives this:

    Saraph: the Hebrew name for a certain species of venomous snake; the word probably signifies “the fiery one,” these snakes being so called from the burning effect of their poisonous bite.

    So it’s not so much that seraphim (the angels) have any association with serpents as much as there’s a similar or similar-sounding word to describe a kind of venomous snake. It doesn’t make the reference any good, and it doesn’t prove the author has any idea what she’s talking about, but it’s not entirely out of nowhere.