Guess what! We’re back after a long period of extreme business to finish Nibly. Because this is the last chapter, we’re celebrating by doing this at Finn’s house! Not that that really matters to you guys, but we’ll send you some virtual tea.
Finn: This means I can watch my cat while I wait for Fair to finish typing!
Fair: Finn, are you saying your cat is more interesting to watch than my cat?
Anyway, chapter six begins and Nibly is beginning to feel a bit sick, and so decides to “…lay down beside the pathway (sidewalk?)”.
Y’know, I’m not really entirely sure why this book even has chapters. I mean, it’s only eleven pages long, with nine pages constituting actual story. This means each chapter is 1.5 pages long, including pictures.
…I began to feel really awful! My stomach churned!! Perhaps I was even turning somewhat green?
Two drinks for misuse of punctuation.
Finn: I don’t even think bears can turn green, seeing as they’re covered in fur. Besides, it’s a bear; he should have a big stomach and a good digestive system. They’re fine with eating garbage.
Fair: Exactly, eating burgers shouldn’t hurt him.
We then come across a picture that makes me wonder what exactly was in the burgers Nibly’s been eating, or if he’s inhaled too much second hand smoke, or something.
Finn: From the picture, you can probably tell what’s coming up next…
Fair: Shhhh! Don’t give it away!
A man with long hair (who we can tell isn’t a hippy, because he doesn’t smell bad) sits beside him. Apparently, he’s a “Chief”.
“Chief of what?” I asked in my groggy, whoozey swirling, whirling state of mind. “I am Chief ‘Up in Smoke’ of the Walla-palloogey tribe.” “Well glad to know ya Chief,” I said lazily.
First of all, eating too much doesn’t feel at all like what’s described above. This makes me think Nibly may have eaten too much of something else, if you know what I mean.
Secondly, “Chief ‘Up in Smoke’ of the Walla-palloogey tribe”!? What the fuck was SNel thinking when he wrote this? Did he think people would find it cute or funny in some way? Someone needs to tell him this isn’t the 1950’s anymore.
Why did he feel the need to put this in? In the part of BC he’s writing about, there are plenty of aboriginal bands he could have put in here. He could have used the name of a historical chief, he could even have looked at one of the languages and made an authentic name. He didn’t even use an accurate illustration; the sort of clothing Chief is wearing is closer to something a stereotypical Native American in Arizona would wear.
One drink for bad description of eating too much, one for the picture, and ∞ drinks for racism.
Finn: Seriously, if SNel want us to believe that he isn’t a liar, he’s not doing a very good job of it.
“Listen Nibly, I’ve been following you around, here in the white man’s town, and I can tell you why you don’t feel so well right now.”
“Really, I got big ears Chief. Let’s have it!”
“Your problem is Nibly; you’ve been eating the people food. It’s commonly called ‘Junk Food.’ What you need is to get up into the mountains and breathe the fresh air there, and eat the good food you already have there. This processed food of the humans is no good for you. And let me tell ya, it aint good for them either!”
“But the learned ‘Teenagers’ told me it was good food.”
“And what does your stomach tell you right now Nibly?” asked the Chief.
Then my swirling brain stopped long enough for me to think and I nodded, “Oh, I get it now!”
“Teenagers don’t really know anything!” I exclaimed.”
Finn: So, not only is there more racism (I’m pretty sure no indigenous person would say “white man’s town” anymore), then we have a brief soap-box rant about junk food, which is completely irrelevant to Nibly because he’s a bear. Bears aren’t much affected by eating garbage, so I doubt they would be affected by junk food. That last line after the rant is hilarious, because people rarely use the word “ain’t” in Canada, even in hick towns — I should know, I live in one. Then, last of all, we get this glorious statement about The Corrupt and Mediocre Generation™.
Hi. I’m a teenager, and I can’t help being a little annoyed with all this teenager bashing. Even for the teenagers who do act like their brains are somewhere else, talking about how stupid they are isn’t going to make them listen to you; it’s going to discourage them from acting better. There are plenty of smart teenagers, and we don’t appreciate these gross generalizations.
Fair: Let me mention ear size doesn’t have anything to do with listening ability.
Our soap-box rant continues, as the chief tells Nibly to go into the mountains, catch fish, and eat “… fresh berries un-sprayed by chemicals.”
Nibly unsurprisingly agrees with this and decides to take a nap. But wait! Crisis!
I opened my eyes and Chief ‘Up in Smoke’ was no longer there. What was there and coming on fast, was that darned pesky Ranger again, in his stupid little truck, with the yellow light on top flashing! He was coming right at me, and very fast too!
I have a few (okay, more than a few) things to say about this. The ranger showing up at the very end is a very poor attempt to add drama, even though the story has basically ended. What took him so long to get there? If a bear is reported to be seen in a public area, conservation officers (NOT park rangers) and perhaps police officers would respond immediately, and the animal would be relocated. In this case, Nibly would probably be shot because he isn’t afraid of people, and would keep returning to find food.
Why does SNel feel the need to point out that the ranger is coming toward Nibly quickly (not fast)? Of course he would be! There is a bear on the loose, after all.
After this is a picture of a yellow light, which isn’t included because it doesn’t really have a role to play here, and takes up space. It will be getting a drink for uselessness, however.
Finn: So, Nibly does perhaps the smartest thing he’s done in the book and makes a dash for it.
I ran, and I ran, and I ran, until I was far into the woods once again.
Nice. How dramatic, to repeat something over and over. It looks totally wonderful and amateurish.
So then Nibly meets Johnny, who asks him how the human town was. Nibly replies, in his great and glorious wisdom:
“Oh my, Johnny Bear, you were absolutely right! The food may taste good there, but it doesn’t make you feel good. And the people are really weird!”
Very well said! After all, he did warn you….
intermission while we go to the beginning
Hang on, he didn’t warn him at all! All he said was “Are you Serious (sic)?” While this may imply disapproval, he didn’t actually discourage Nibly for going. In fact, he helped him! Saying that he did is just bad writing. It’s like SNel took so long to write this he forgot what had happened in the beginning. I call plot hole!
Fair: The people there are weird? Wow. So, in other words, SNel has managed to insult basically everyone in Nelson. First there are hippies, then a couple business owners, then teenagers, aboriginal people, the intelligence of any children reading the book, and then he sums up everyone else by calling them weird.
This is completely stupid. Why would you write a book about an actual town, then use the fact that it’s set in a real place as a marketing strategy, only to systematically insult every one of its inhabitants?
Finn: It’s like he forgot that the “Real Town” actually had real people living there.
To top it off, we have this bit:
Then I caught my breath and I sat down by my friends’ cozy fireplace and said, “Let me tell you all about it! You better sit down for this!”
I’ll just state the obvious, because SNel obviously forgot it: Bears do not have fireplaces. I’m sorry, but if he wanted to make his bears completely anthropomorphic, they would have their own junk food. If they can make fires, they can probably cook. The lack of thought put into this is just stupid. If these are bears that live in the woods and eat berries like real bears, and is set in a real town, then the bears cannot have fireplaces. Even Paolini could see that.
I hope you have enjoyed;
Nibly the Bear Visits the People Town
If it’s a success, I’ll write more adventures about Nibly.
I hope you enjoyed the sporking of “Nibly the Bear Visits the People Town”
Because it was such a success, if SNel writes any more adventures about Nibly, we’ll spork those, too.
At this point, SNel proceeds to list his other “bestsellers” at smashwords, the first one being “The Problem Eliminators!”
That being said, we encourage you to check out the bestselling spork by Tim: The Problem Eliminators Exclamation Mark
Finn: Well, we’ve finally made it to the end! So, dear readers, according to this scale, how would you rate this book?
Also, drink count = infinity+18