Chapter Seventy-One – New in Command

We’re now back with King Apollyon, who’s pacing around, worried because Abbadon is gone. Apparently, he can hear Abbadon screaming, but when he concentrates hard all he can see is water and stones.

Prince Plouton rushed to his father’s side and tried to calm King Apollyon down.

“Father please… do not worry!”

“How can I not worry? This is madness!” (page 691)

Or, possibly, could it be Sparta?

Apollyon screams and tears at his hair and finally orders Plouton to go find Abaddon. Plouton says that he already did, and he has news. This sudden abrupt shift doesn’t surprise anyone. Plouton pulls out an emblem of the Empire of Evil, which features a trident.

And apparently Plouton has black press-on nails.

Plouton explains that he and Abbadon were trying to recover the Key to the Underworld, so they went and got on a boat and took off for the Rock of Mukane. Apparently this rock is pretty close to Tyronia, so they were seeing if there was a way they could slip over to Tyronia and whack Joey and recover the Key. Turns out that Tyronia never watches the coastline, because the Powers of Evil hate the ocean and are afraid of voyages and never travel by sea.

Uh-huh.

Odd that this has never come up before in the previous 1500 pages of text. You’d think that something this important might possibly be something the good guys would exploit, but I guess not.

Blah blah, Plouton explains that dragons showed up, there was a huge flash of light, and when he went to where Abbadon had been there was nothing but the chain and a big black spot, which means that obviously the culprit is….

“The one who has murdered my brother Abbadon is nobody else but… King Joey of Tyronia!”

“King Joey of Tyronia!?”

“Yes, Father, King Joey of Tyronia!” (page 695)

Wait, you mean King Joey of Tyronia is responsible?

It gets better:

“This is a declaration of war!” (page 695)

Uh…I kind’ve thought they already were at war? I guess technically it was more like Maradonia was at war while the Tyronians were chilling out on their island…then again, there really haven’t been any battles recently, ever since the powers of evil abruptly decided to pack things in and go home in the last book.

So cool. Declaration of war. Plouton asks daddy dearest to make him his successor and heir and he’ll destroy Tyronia.

“Very well! But, I am still not convinced! I feel that something is wrong! Only if my son Abbadon is really gone, you shall be my successor. Gather the troops together. We will finish the job which went unfinished in the last war against Tyronia and we will concentrate on the Battle for the Key.” (page 695)

Okay. So first he says that he’s not convinced, and Plouton only gets to be heir if Abbadon is really gone. And then he switches in mid-sentence to assuming that Abbadon is really gone and Plouton gets to be heir and lead their troops into battle. That makes sense.

Chapter Seventy-Two – Without a Trace

This is where they call in the FBI.

The party is in full swing. Queen Brunhilda is dancing with Balthazar, picking him up, throwing him up into the air, and catching him again. Wow. She must either be ridiculously strong, a giant, or both.

The guards bring Maya the basket of fruit and explain that Joey is talking to a mermaid.

Maya thinks nothing of it, but after awhile she sees Princess Krimhilda pouting and decides that Joey would never have left a party for a long period of time to talk to mermaids. I have to disagree, that sounds exactly like something the little pyromaniac would do.

They dispatch a couple guards to the shore who return a while later with Joey’s robe and sandals. Maya is horrified, but feels certain that Joey is alive, and isn’t too worried about assassination because she knows Joey is indestructible. Then again, they could just feed him poison. Worked on Genarius.

Maya talks to the captains, who describe the mermaids, and Maya guesses that it may have been Morgana who was talking to Joey. She sends out the dragons to fly sweeps and keep searching for him.

Chapter Seventy-Three – Heavenly Orchestras

Joey wakes up and finds some delicious food waiting for him. He eats it and has some deep thoughts about gold.

“The circumstances of my life teaches me the lesson that riches are not everything in life.” (page 705)

You know, if I tried really, really hard, I could probably write a worse sentence than that, but it would be difficult.

Joey thinks some more and then suddenly an image of Princess Krimhilda appears in his head as an angel.

And suddenly… he felt very lightheaded. The heavy burden of sadness and helplessness had left him and he even started dancing in the white sand in front of the Gold of Ophir (page 705).

I’m pretty sure he just snapped.

Joey feels awesome and enjoys the sun and then Morgana shows up and Joey greets her warmly and they hug and kiss passionately. Actually, it turns out that the food was drugged.

Chapter Seventy-Four – The Kayatonga Roots

So Morgana had met up with a medicine woman who told her about some Kayatonga roots. If you feed them to a human for three days, on the third day that human will turn into a mermaid. Or merman. However, it’s a temporary change, lasting only a week – unless you keep feeding them the roots for every day of that week, in which case the change is permanent.

In exchange for this information, Morgana agrees to give the medicine woman her and Joey’s firstborn child. And…if this turns out to be a major plot-point because Morgana rapes Joey while he’s drug-addled and gets knocked up…well, I’d actually find that hilarious.

On the third day Joey wakes up and feels terrible and then realizes he’s covered in scales and his legs have grown together from his hips to his knees. He finally puts two and two together and realizes that it’s the food Morgana has been bringing him. He decides that he’ll pretend to eat it but actually he’ll bury in in the sand, which is a completely foolproof plan unless Morgana decides to watch him eat it.

Morgana shows up a bit later and Joey makes nice and tells her he needs food. She gives him a couple roots and then takes off to go find some more, because her stock is running low. Joey then takes the roots and buries them.

Okay. So the roots are supposed to work after three days. It’s been three days. They’re only partially effective. Why? No idea.

This also reveals a rather large flaw in Morgana’s plan, which revolves around keeping Joey trapped on a deserted island. Except she’s changing him into a merman. You know the one thing merpeople are really fucking good at? Swimming.

Chapter Seventy-Five – The Transformation

Everyone has been looking for Joey for three days now, but they’ve found nothing. Maya decides to check in with the mermaids and the dolphins to see if they can help.

Wait.

You mean she hasn’t checked with them yet?

Seriously, Maya? Let’s review the facts: your brother disappeared from the ocean shore, leaving behind his robe and sandals, which immediately suggests that he went into the ocean. He was last seen talking to a mermaid. Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, you might start your investigation by talking to the mermaids?

She gets on a dragon and flies to the Dolphins Gate, and pulls out her Magical SCUBA gear, otherwise known as her seashell, and walks into the water, weighing herself down with stones.

Maya meats up with Magenta, leader of the dolphins, who knows that Morgana has been obsessed with Joey for awhile. Also, Morgana acted weird after Magenta told her about all the cases of gold that he found. Yeah, turns out the dolphins knew exactly where the gold was. Maya is shocked by this, but hey, the cases of gold are missing and shipwrecks were suspected. If you haven’t asked the two races of sentient undersea creatures about it, it’s your own damn fault.

Magenta tells Maya about some places she can try looking for Joey, and Maya heads back to shore. Upon arriving, she hops back onto the dragons and they start flying around some of the caves and volcanoes. And they find Joey, who’s half merman, half human. They put him on the back of a dragon and take off. Well, that was anticlimactic.

Chapter Seventy-Six – Cluster of Five Scales

Maya figures it’s best not to let anyone know what happened to Joey, so she covers him up with blankets and whisks him inside to her private chambers. It takes three days before the scales fall off and his legs get back to normal, except five scales on the back of his neck don’t disappear. Well, I’m pretty sure you can just scrape those off with a knife. After all, they are just scales. Barring that, some plastic surgery when you get back to Oceanside and your parents ask you why fish scales are growing out of the back of your neck?

While Joey is recovering, Maya sends General Goran on a secret mission to recover all the gold. He does, and apparently nobody notices several large ships going out into the lake and dropping anchor and retrieving thousands and thousands of pounds of gold.

Chapter Seventy-Seven – Gold Rules

We get some backstory about General Felipe and the traitors who are working with him. They decide it’s time to fetch the Gold of Ophir because they know that Gold Rules, and once they have gold, they can buy off everyone else in the Senate. Which is not really a bad plan. I really just don’t know why they haven’t had the Gold of Ophir all along. I mean, it’s not like they’re being closely scrutinized or Genarius had even a basic grasp of the situation.

Turns out Maya has been keeping herself very well informed by spying via Tarnkappe and by having Libertine and the doves report back to her. Whenever they catch traitors, she sends her guards in and has them arrested. Wow. That actually sounds like something that might be interesting to actually read, rather than have it all happen offscreen and then have the narrator relate what has already happened.

However, it’s very difficult to catch Felipe and the other leads with their hands dirty.

But Queen Maya had a very smart plan! She knew that Felipe was ready to retrieve the Gold of Ophir (page 728).

How?

What has changed? Why is Felipe suddenly ready to get the gold when he’s been sitting on it for months now? What makes her suspect he’s going to go get the gold now, of all times? We don’t know. But Maya, being omniscient, knows this, so she sends a few hundred soldiers to Dolphins Gate.

So, six ships come out, drop anchor, and a bunch of divers jump in. They come up and report all of the gold they carefully lowered to the ocean floor is now missing. Felipe is horrified, because everyone knows that there is no safer place to hide treasure than the ocean floor. He demands they go down and look again.

Meanwhile, Maya heads over with a fleet of twelve war ships, loaded with elite soldiers. Tesch’s words, not mine.

Queen Maya stood on the commando bridge in full armor with Titus in her hand (page 731).

What’s a commando bridge? Why is she wearing armor when she’s indestructible? And why is she holding a sword in her hand before they’re even close to the conflict?

Maya and Joey talk. Joey asks if she remembers during their last journey when they passed by and saw some fishermen lowering boats and Joey thought it looked suspicious. Well yes, actually, I do. Here’s what I wrote:

They see some fisherman and Tesch mentions that Joey happens to be a superb fisherman. Well of course he is. Anyway, they watch the fishermen and they aren’t using nets…instead they’re lowering boxes into the water. This makes Joey suspicious, but Maya says they’re just putting down lobster boxes. In a freshwater lake. But they move on. Plot point!

They surround General Felipe and the trap is sprung.

Felipe looked pretty devastated (page 732).

I can imagine. However, he’s not worried, because he figures that he still has plenty of friends.

Maya sails up and says they’re all under arrest for treason, rebellion, and crimes against Maradonia and the royal family. Felipe doesn’t think much of this:

“Royal family!? Ha-hah! Excuse me please, who here is the royal family? You and baby Michael? Be serious Maya… You do not represent a royal family… You represent a kindergarten and a teenaged army as security guards. Ha-ha-ha…” (page 733)

As much as this amuses me, you’re kind of a dumbass, Felipe. It’s really not a good idea to insult someone who holds all of the cards.

One of Felipe’s officers pulls out his sword and attacks Maya. How he does this when he’s on one ship and Maya is on another ship, I don’t know. Anyway:

Queen Maya parried the strong strike, and cut with one slice the officer’s head off, which rolled like a marble over the planks of the ship… (page 733)

There’s a pleasantly gruesome image for all the kids.

Felipe is still defiant and confident, but Maya orders her guards to move in. They arrest Felipe and all of his compatriots, handcuff them (they have handcuffs?) and cart them off to prison. But they let all of the fishermen and divers go. Without bothering to question them and find out who were duped into helping Felipe and who the traitors are. That might be important to figure out. After all, the disappearance of the gold has been kind of a big deal, and the divers all knew exactly what they were hiding.

Oh well.

Drinks: 38

Tagged as: ,

Comment

  1. LoneWolf on 29 October 2011, 18:45 said:

    Plouton paints his nails, since he’s a very feminine. And being feminine is Evil, as Gloria surely knows.

    I think Maya deliberately waited with asking the dolphins because she wanted Joey to drown in all that time, so that she would become the Queen of Tyronia as well. It’s the same thing she did with Genarius.

  2. Deborah on 29 October 2011, 18:55 said:

    I guess he’s like Durza, then. Didn’t Movie!Durza have Evil Press-On Nails?

  3. BlackStar on 29 October 2011, 19:18 said:

    Plouton paints his nails, since he’s a very feminine. And being feminine is Evil, as Gloria surely knows.

    Does that mean Maya can never paint her nails since she’s supposed to be Good?

  4. LoneWolf on 29 October 2011, 19:20 said:

    Male people painting their nails belong to the Crossdressing Empire of Evil. Female people painting their nails is OK.

  5. Vikingboybilly on 29 October 2011, 19:22 said:

    And they find Joey, who’s half merman, half human.

    Wait, what? But a merman is already half-man half fish, so a half-human half-merman… oh, forget it.

  6. BettyCross on 29 October 2011, 20:19 said:

    But a merman is already half-man half fish, so a half-human half-merman…

    Gloria, honey, DON’T JUST WRITE ONE DRAFT AND SAY YOU’RE DONE!

  7. Requiem on 29 October 2011, 20:22 said:

    So I guess that would make him 3/4ths human?

    Also it’s good to see the big bads once again, I wonder why they don’t use maya and joeys strengths against them. They are naieve rulers, they may be somewhat invulnerable but could probably put into a “ I have no mouth, and I must scream” state. If they were really good chess masters they could get maya and joeys kingdom to turn against them, although it looks like they are kind of doing that anyway.

  8. BettyCross on 29 October 2011, 20:29 said:

    The invulnerability motif was one of Gloria’s very bad ideas. It made the plot too predictable — one poisoning attempt after another. Couldn’t the bad guys use poison gas on them? After all, everybody’s gotta breathe.

  9. BettyCross on 29 October 2011, 20:47 said:

    Commando bridge

    Gloria, sweetheart, 10 minutes reading the wikipedia article Bridge (Nautical) would tell you all you need to know about “bridges.”

  10. Requiem on 29 October 2011, 20:48 said:

    I’m sure joey’s “defender” could just blast an opening for them if they were placed with that kind of problem. If you really want an intimidating big bad you have to have one that can manipulate them into destroying themselves, psychologically damage them into not wanting to fight, or do something that they simply can’t recover from. But I don’t think these villains are that tactical or intelligent enough to pull this kind of thing off.

  11. BettyCross on 29 October 2011, 20:56 said:

    The only defect in that illustration is, the long nails should be pointed and very sharp. That would say “evil” to me.

  12. Vikingboybilly on 29 October 2011, 22:33 said:

    The invulnerability motif was one of Gloria’s very bad ideas. It made the plot too predictable — one poisoning attempt after another. Couldn’t the bad guys use poison gas on them? After all, everybody’s gotta breathe.

    But then the villains couldn’t utilize the power of the Triple P – Power, Passion, and Poison.

    On the illustration, I despise what Gloria’s done, because the symbol is nearly identical to the mark of the Serpent Riders.) (See the red symbols near the corners of the book)

  13. Vikingboybilly on 29 October 2011, 22:35 said:

    To maradonia with this textile formatting!
    Here’s the proper link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heretic_(video_game)

  14. BettyCross on 30 October 2011, 08:23 said:

    One more proof that video gamers are evil, I reckon.

  15. Licht on 30 October 2011, 14:45 said:

    I bet he wears Combat Stilettos of Doom matching those nails.

    I think it’s one of mother Tesch’s better drawings, though.

  16. Kurt on 30 October 2011, 15:13 said:

    commando bridge
    It’s another one of Gloria’s Germanisms – “translated” from Kommandobrücke.

    Also, now we have a drug rape, and another gruesome killing to add the collection. Who was the book written for, again?

  17. LoneWolf on 30 October 2011, 15:26 said:

    Harry Potter has love potions and killings, so I think that Gloria was writing roughly for 10-15 year-olds. It’s just that she herself isn’t mature enough to keep the style consistent.

  18. Fireshark on 30 October 2011, 15:49 said:

    I quite like the illustration, but that might just be because I can’t draw hands.

  19. Kurt on 30 October 2011, 16:04 said:

    Now that you mention Harry Potter, I remember that Voldemort was the result of a drug rape. What horrible offspring could come from a sociopathic Gary Stu and an evil mermaid? Half man, half merman, and, knowing Gloria, whole Madman.

    Regarding Plouton’s hands, I suspect he has press-on nails because the picture is traced from a photo of a woman’s hands. The quality of Mother Tesch’s drawings simply vary too much – they can’t all be her own individual work.

  20. BettyCross on 30 October 2011, 17:41 said:

    commando bridge
    It’s another one of Gloria’s Germanisms – “translated” from Kommandobrücke.

    In general, Gloria seems to be describing a pre-industrial society, where the weapons are all swords, spears, lances, shields, etc. However, with this mention of “the bridge” and with the “ocean liner” trip she presents more modern naval technology. Why are the ships are so modern when the weapons are straight out of the High Middle Ages?

  21. LoneWolf on 30 October 2011, 17:46 said:

    Remember also the flying saucers of Apollyon and co! Someone needs to add Shizo Tech trope to Maradonia TvTropes article.

  22. Fireshark on 30 October 2011, 18:43 said:

    The quality of Mother Tesch’s drawings simply vary too much – they can’t all be her own individual work.

    As an aspiring artist, I can say that while in the noob stage, quality really does bounce back and forth between pictures. It took me forever to learn to draw my characters consistently, and there are still some days when I draw better than others. As Ms. Tesch is obviously not a professional, I believe the drawings are all her work. You’re right about the hands being feminine; she probably used her own as reference.

  23. Prince o' Tea on 30 October 2011, 18:56 said:

    If the Queen of the Dolphins is named Magenta, maybe the King is named Riff Raff.

  24. BettyCross on 30 October 2011, 21:17 said:

    If the Queen of the Dolphins is named Magenta, maybe the King is named Riff Raff.

    I nominate this comment as Best Comment of the spork.

    As an aspiring artist, I can say that while in the noob stage, quality really does bounce back and forth between pictures… As Ms. Tesch is obviously not a professional, I believe the drawings are all her work.

    Thanks for the giving us the benefit of your experience, Fireshark.

    I googled for images by Marina Tesch, and except for the false positives, I got only the images we’ve already seen in sporkings. I don’t think she’s ever illustrated a book by anyone but her daughter.

  25. WulfRitter on 31 October 2011, 00:35 said:

    Queen Maya parried the strong strike, and cut with one slice the officer’s head off, which rolled like a marble over the planks of the ship…

    So . . . can’t win a schoolyard fight but can decapitate a dude with one fell stroke, eh? What an awesome world is Maradonia.

    Also, drug rape. Why don’t all the books in the independent reader section have this? I mean, Old Yeller would have been sooo much more awesome with a bit of the ruffie slipping. Or LOTR. I mean, Gandalf should have totally spiked the Old Wineyard with a little sumthin’-sumthin’, if you catch my drift.

  26. BettyCross on 31 October 2011, 06:11 said:

    and cut with one slice the officer’s head off

    German sentence structure. The following revision sounds more natural in English.

    and cut off the officer’s head with one slice

    Gloria writes like an immigrant, which is odd since she was born in California, but on the other hand, she was raised by immigrants.

  27. Licht on 31 October 2011, 07:30 said:

    The whole sentence is wrecked, in either language.

  28. Kurt on 31 October 2011, 09:02 said:

    As Ms. Tesch is obviously not a professional, I believe the drawings are all her work.

    Thanks for clearing that up. I’ve just got too suspicious of the Tesches, seeing how much Gloria “borrows”, and how her father writes fake “reviews”.

  29. gervasium on 31 October 2011, 10:15 said:

    Rest assured, plenty of drawings sound like they’re made over other drawings.

  30. BettyCross on 31 October 2011, 14:21 said:

    @Gervasium, I believe you mean “look like.” Am I right?

  31. Fell Blade on 1 November 2011, 10:44 said:

    I wonder if the 5 scales on Joey’s neck will come into play later, or if Tesch will forget them like she has forgotten so many other random things she brought in.

  32. Prince o' Tea on 1 November 2011, 11:47 said:

    Probably forgotten, like the 1 Earth Day = 1000 years in Maradonia, there being no need for food and sleep in Maradonia and the sun never setting, Aunt Sarah’s Convenient Cancer and Benji Mouse.

    Didn’t Ordelia say that Joey would turn into a hideous scaled monster, but the most happened was he got a few scales on the back of his neck? (Also, why scales? Did Morgana mix up the medicine and try to turn him into the Creature from the Black Lagoon instead of a merboy?)

  33. LoneWolf on 1 November 2011, 12:13 said:

    Benji is not forgotten. He has one-two mentions in every book so far. He’s just pointless. Aunt Sarah will probably never appear again, though. Her cancer already played its convenient role.

  34. Requiem on 1 November 2011, 12:32 said:

    or it could be fridge brilliance, joey is supposed to be a monster not in a literal sense but from his personality and actions that make him a complete monster, and now he has scales. But I am unsure if GT was actually hoping to do this in the literal or figurative form.

  35. Fell Blade on 1 November 2011, 15:07 said:

    It’s kinda funny how Tesch did that, probably by complete accident. And yet it fits. I also love it that Tesch tells us that Maya’s plan to catch Felipe was “very smart”. Um… shouldn’t your readers make that call? And what’s so smart about stealing the gold out from under them and then sailing out to catch him when he goes to get it? That’s a pretty standard plan if you ask me.

  36. Leine on 1 November 2011, 16:53 said:

    Test comment, 1 2 3…

  37. Leine on 1 November 2011, 16:56 said:

    My ridiculously old computer let me comment!

    I’ve been following these sporks from the beginning, but never thought my computer would let me comment on them. It did, though!

    We’re on page 733, so it’s gotta be just about done, right? Strangely, I feel like there’ll be no resolution whatever…

  38. Ridureyu on 1 November 2011, 18:47 said:

    For there to be resolution, there must first be plot.

  39. VikingBoyBilly on 1 November 2011, 22:50 said:

    Maybe the resolution involves the “Gothic Movement” disbanding and becoming nice children since the horrible death of their leader ‘Alana Terrence’ made them see channeling spirits and bullying maya got them killed? I tried to make sense with that, but its just stupid.

    Maya will come back to florida and be all “Now I’m not the princess of Maradonia anymore. I’m the QUEEN!” and start bossing around the gothic movement like nobody’s business. Because the perfect resolution to Maya’s plight against the goths is to rain brute, unrelenting vengeance upon them.

  40. Prince O' Tea on 2 November 2011, 09:04 said:

    I don’t think there is any hope for the “Goffick Movement”. Anyone who dares cross the Suesome Twosome in any way must be punished, humiliated, tortured and killed. We know that Lyndsay will be killed simply for being the Salsa Dance lovin’ mother of Alanna, so Dorothy and Tanya are next.

    After all Maya is a haughty, conceited little snob, and being made the despotic Queen of Morondonia is of course going to go straight to her head. “How dare you react to me with anything except worship and adoration?”

  41. BlackStar on 2 November 2011, 19:02 said:

    I don’t think there is any hope for the “Goffick Movement”. Anyone who dares cross the Suesome Twosome in any way must be punished, humiliated, tortured and killed. We know that Lyndsay will be killed simply for being the Salsa Dance lovin’ mother of Alanna, so Dorothy and Tanya are next.

    Somehow I doubt they’ll show up again. That seems to happen to most of the characters. What happened to Hoppy, anyway? He was in the 7 Bridges and then just disappeared…

  42. Erin on 2 November 2011, 21:57 said:

    Maya will come back to florida and be all “Now I’m not the princess of Maradonia anymore. I’m the QUEEN!”

    Oh no, I didn’t even think about that. Maya was big enough of a brat as a “princess”. She’s probably going to try to rule over her parents and her school when they get back to Oceanside.

    @Blackstar. Didn’t Hoppy show up at one point in this book or at the end of 7 bridges? He got married, and all the kids were named after Maya and Joey and it was really awful?

  43. Prince o' Tea on 2 November 2011, 22:06 said:

    Well anyone would have thought Alanna Terrance would have vanished from the books, but she still turns up in the beginning of Ophir with named Goffick-ettes, turns into a psycho, and is killed.

    Considering that anyone who disrespects the Sues in any way is punished, no matter how minor, things are not looking good for the surviving members of the Goffick Movement. Plus Glo has revealed that Lyndsay will be meeting her demise somewhere in this book, so I can imagine its not unlikely that the Goffick Movement will soon be meeting a grisly end.

    Hoppy suddenly vanished half way in the book (despite a main character in the first half) and was not mentioned by his so called friends and party members, then turned up a few pages at the end with his new grasshopper wife and baybeeez.

  44. Leine on 3 November 2011, 00:52 said:

    In short, Glo is terrible at tying up loose ends and so her books don’t have endings. They just arbitrarily stop.

  45. BettyCross on 3 November 2011, 08:57 said:

    In short, Glo is terrible at tying up loose ends and so her books don’t have endings. They just arbitrarily stop.

    They are supposed to be about an apocalyptic war between good and evil, but the incidents don’t build toward anything.

    I’m halfway through a two-book fantasy story, and the first volume ends at a plausible stopping place, where all the protag’s enemies have been beaten except the most powerful one, which has been ominously hovering in the background through the entire first book.

  46. Kurt on 3 November 2011, 10:56 said:

    @Fell Blade: In the page Rorschach posted from Law of Blood, the five scales on Joey’s neck protect him from an attack by the Rawkens. It appears that merman scales are more solid than ordinary fish scales.

  47. BettyCross on 3 November 2011, 11:47 said:

    Aw, Fell Blade, you went and ruined the suspense for “Law of Blood.”

  48. Vikingboybilly on 3 November 2011, 17:44 said:

    Look what just came up guys.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIpFTCPGv3s&feature=feedlik

  49. BettyCross on 3 November 2011, 18:20 said:

    Gloria wears lots of lacings on her clothes, just like Alanna Terrence! Is that a generational thing, or is it just “emo” or “Gothic?”

  50. LoneWolf on 3 November 2011, 18:36 said:

    Gloria’s clothing is pink, the color of female virtue. Alana’s clothing is black, which reflects her dark Gothic heart.

  51. Erin on 3 November 2011, 18:39 said:

    No Gloria, several stores don’t have your books. To the best of my knowledge, no stores have them. But at least she was honest that they’re not sold across the country.

    I’m surprised she brought up her books being sold on Amazon. I would think she’d want to turn people away from there due to the numerous 1-star ratings.

  52. Licht on 4 November 2011, 01:21 said:

    Amazon is important if you want to sell your book. You can still hope some people don’t read the reviews — or believe they’ve been written by “haters”.

    Wait! Did you just say the scales-thing actually MAKES SENSE IN CONTEXT?!

  53. Emma on 17 November 2011, 21:38 said:

    That was the body-horror scene with Joey turning into the horrific scaly thing we were promised? Dear Gloria, I am disappointed.

  54. themasshysteria on 31 March 2012, 15:44 said:

    The party is in full swing. Queen Brunhilda is dancing with Balthazar, picking him up, throwing him up into the air, and catching him again. Wow. She must either be ridiculously strong, a giant, or both.

    I thought Brunhilda was a giant???

  55. Fell Blade on 31 May 2012, 15:56 said:

    @Kurt, well I wish I could say I called the scales thing, but with Tesch it’s so hard to know what details will be completely forgotten and which will become important plot points later. Seems to run about 50/50.