Chapter Sixty-Seven – Queen of Maradonia

Barbie doll figure much? I hope that isn’t supposed to be Maya, because god damn, she needs a cheeseburger.

Senator Hilton and Judge Kingston decide they need to keep Genarius’ death and the crowning of Maya a secret for awhile. Because they’re afraid that announcing this will lead to riots caused by the enemies of Genarius or something. Anyway, they’ll announce things after Maya is crowned and Genarius has been buried. Now, maybe this is just me, but I feel like this would cause even more problems. I admit, Genarius biting it (especially via suicide) would cause some unrest and maybe even some rioting. So here’s how you handle it: immediately send out messengers calling everyone together, announcing the tragic death of Genarius when he peacefully passed away in his sleep the night before, and that Maya will be crowned immediately. Everyone can mourn Genarius’ passing while celebrating (or, if they’re being realistic, groaning inwardly) Maya’s crowning, and that would be that.

Having the entire thing happen secretly would only make people suspicious. Some would doubtlessly suspect foul play and that Maya had had a hand in Genarius’ death (and they’d be right, but we’ve already been over that). People would be angry that Genarius was buried in secret and they weren’t able to pay their final respects. And they’d be angry the whole succession of power had taken place behind the scenes without any transparency.

The next day the city elders gather and Hilton announces that Genarius’ will says Maya will be the queen. Hilton pulls out the sword Titus and touches Maya’s shoulders and then her head. And just like that she’s the queen. Everyone bows down and she gets an enormous crown. And then….her face starts glowing. Because the deity (it’s not specified, but I assume we’re talking about King Roach) is anointing her with glory.

When the small assembly gazed at the face and the hands of Queen Maya and realized some kind of a supernatural glow, they were amazed and bowed down again (page 658).

Naturally. Maya is just that special that God himself has to make her glow. Also, that sentence is atrocious. Realized some kind of supernatural glow? What does that even mean?

Judge Kingston gets up with tears in his eyes and talks about how awesome Maya is and how she’ll bring Maradonia together with Tyronia and stuff like that, and then Parnell gets up.

Parnell appeared and said, “A snack and something to drink will be served in the dining room” (page 659)

Isn’t that nice? They’re getting a snack!

Maya heads over to the funeral and finds Libertine and the other doves sitting on the pyre, which seems a little disrespectful, but okay. Maya looks at the corpse and cries for a while. Then she looks at Libertine and is suddenly starts wondering why Libertine didn’t realize what Genarius was up to and stop him from committing suicide. Well done, Maya. Blame someone else for your own incompetence.

She doesn’t say anything to Libertine, though. Instead she delivers a very dramatic monologue about how awesome Genarius was and finally comes up with something they should all shout to Genarius as a way of saying goodbye:

“Farewell King Genarius, we love you!” (page 660)

I got chills reading that.

They burn Genarius and are watching the smoking remains of his corpse when a messenger arrives and explains that over 120 insurgents have stormed and occupied City Hall. The elders start freaking out, but Maya isn’t worried.

“I have had enough of this drama. Parnell, bring my sword Titus!” (page 662)

Maya boards the dragon, Dasha, along with Hilton and Kingston, and they fly to the barracks, where she orders General Goran to take four hundred soldiers, surround City Hall, and arrest anyone who flees. Goran, of course, demands to know what the fuck is going on and why she’s wearing the crown of Maradonia.

No, wait, he doesn’t. Instead, he immediately accepts that Genarius must be dead, Maya has been crowned Queen, and he should immediately accept her every word.

Maya puts her Tarnkappe on and she and the dragon fly invisibly to City Hall. After they arrive, she tells Dasha to fly around and make a lot of noise to get everyone distracted. Then this happens:

Queen Maya, trained by the best sword fighters in the Valley of the Hovering Spirits, waited for the moment when everybody on the plateau was looking up, watching the dragon.

Then she acted fast… and nearly forty men lost their lives in a blitz action, slain by Titus in the hand of Queen Maya (page 665).

Just like that. No offers to accept their surrender. Nothing. She just slaughters forty of them. FORTY OF THEM. And what do you want to bet she isn’t going to lose any sleep over their deaths?

Everyone else freaks out and runs outside and are promptly arrested.

You know, I bet if Maya had only killed, say, ten or fifteen men, it would have accomplished the exact same thing without ending nearly as many lives. Oh well.

Chapter Sixty-Eight – The Crowning Party

A shooting star whistles across the sky and then stops in midair and hangs there for a while and then vanishes. Setting aside the many physical impossibilities described here, isn’t it a little…I dunno, over the top? I get that Maya is the Chosen One and all that, but did we really need a dramatic shooting star?

The public is informed of Genarius’ death and everyone is completely fine with Maya taking over.

Emissaries start arriving, including King Joey, who ogles Princess Krimhilda from Gorgonia.

Now, Queen Brunhilda was a massive woman. She was sitting on two chairs and covered her sister more or less with her body (page 669).

That’s disgusting.

Krimhilda appears to be ignoring Joey, but then we jump inside her head and find out she’s quite taken with Joey, despite him being…fifteen. But she’s carefully hiding her interest. Unfortunately, Brunhilda happens to glance over and sees Joey ogling in that direction and assumes that Joey has the hots for her. Which I have a bit of a hard time buying. I think, Brunhilda being a fatty and Krimhilda being a hottie, that Brunhilda probably has low self-esteem and would automatically assume that Joey is interested in her sister, and not her. However, the thought of an obese woman frantically pursuing a 15-year-old is entertaining enough that I’ll let it slide.

The party gets started and Joey asks Krimhilda to dance. She agrees and they start dancing. They gaze deeply into each others’ eyes and forget who and where they are and float away on clouds. It’s very romantic. Then they kiss, which is also very romantic. Brunhilda is infuriated and starts yelling but suddenly a captain named Balthazar with a big red beard pops up and invites Brunhilda to dance and she is all about that beard, despite it probably not being that unusual, and she agrees to dance. And within the space of a page this entire conflict is resolved. Whew! Dodged a bullet there.

They even got pretty wild because Brunhilda loved the wine of Maradonia and after she emptied the second gallon she got real friendly with Balthazar (page 672).

Holy shit! I’m not referring to the implied sexual content, but… two gallons of wine? That’s 258 fluid ounces of alcohol in the space of….I’m guessing a few hours. That’s incredible. It’s like Brunhilda is playing the same drinking game I am.

For no reason, Maya sends Joey to the shore to chat with Aquamarisha, queen of the mermaids. She gives him a present of a basket of fruit. Joe chows down and the fruit is amazing.

Chapter Sixty-Nine – The Gold of Ophir

Whoa! I wonder if this chapter will be even remotely related to the title of this book?

Suddenly, the mermaid Morgana appears and waves at Joey, who heads toward her, but an inner voice tells him to stop, turn around, and run back to the banquet. But he doesn’t. In fact, he doesn’t even stop and wonder why some strange voice is talking inside his head, which usually gives most people a moment’s pause.

Morgana explains she can take Joey to the Gold of Ophir. Joey is interested, so he tells his guards to take the fruit back to Maya and then strips to a t-shirt and boxers. Tesch throws in a ‘And so it was….’ and down they go. They swim along for a bit and go through a cave and tunnel and finally come up at a small island and there’s hundreds of boxes. Joey breaks one open and sure enough, it’s the gold they’ve been looking for. Well, technically they haven’t really been actively looking for it, but, you know, never mind.

Joey wonders why the bricks of gold are so heavy, which really cements him as a total idiot, in my mind, if he hadn’t already been cemented dozens of chapters ago in Book One.

Chapter Seventy – Trapped on a Pile of Gold

Oh no!

Joey wonders how Morgana brought all the gold here, but Morgana has vanished. I do wonder why he thinks Morgana brought the gold there, instead of assuming that the thieves just left it there for the time being. I mean, that makes a bit more sense than a mermaid moving thousands of tons of gold all by herself.

Joey is worried. He realizes that he’s now trapped. Time passes. He yells that he needs to get back to the party, because Maya and a princess are waiting for him. This turns out to be the wrong thing to say, because Morgana shows up and reveals that she doesn’t want Joey thinking about other princesses. She explains that she’s in love with Joey and that her life has no meaning when he’s not around. It turns out that Morgana did bring all the gold here, because she knows that humans like gold and figures Joey would be all about that shit when stranded on an deserted island.

Joey apologizes, explains that he does like her, but as a friend, and in fact he’s in love with Krimhilda. Unfortunately, Morgana doesn’t care.

“You can fall in love with whoever you want! The fact is… it won’t matter! You’re mine! I will never give you up. And believe me, my love, nobody will ever, ever take you away from me.” (page 686)

How romantic.

Joey tries to convince her to take him back to the mainland, but Morgana is having nothing of it. She tells him that when they find his robe and sandals on the beach, they’ll assume he drowned. Then she takes off. Joey is very distraught, but figures he doesn’t have anything else to do besides get some rest, so he falls asleep.

I have to say, this is all completely out of left field, but I still find it monstrously entertaining.

Drinks: 27

Tagged as: ,

Comment

  1. TakuGifian on 19 October 2011, 03:37 said:

    FORTY OF THEM.

    That’s as many as four tens! And that’s terrible.

    Hey, at least there aren’t any Snow Koans in this chapter.

  2. LoneWolf on 19 October 2011, 04:23 said:

    So, the mermaid plot actually turned out to have a continuation. Huh. And poor Morgana. Having Joey hook up with the mermaid would be an amazing example of interspecies love and tolerance.

    I wonder did Gloria read something about Justinian’s putting down of the Nika revolt? I don’t think so, though – Gloria is probably not that knowledgeable.

  3. Licht on 19 October 2011, 06:56 said:

    Brunhilda and Krimhilda?
    Somehow I doubt Gtesch understood what the Niebelungenlied was about. But then, judging by the way she uses everything else she has stole elsewhere, she probably didn’t understand the bible either.
    I KNOW she just took the names. But that’s starting to creep me out.

    (To me Kriemhild was a massive bitch. And really, Brünhild was so much hotter! XD)

    Talking about “fat” princesses. Does anyone of you happen to know the movie “Drei Nüsse für Aschenbrödel” (Three Nuts for Cinderella)? There you get “Klein Röschen” (Little Rose) with absolutely NO low self-esteem dancing with the prince:

    THAT AWESOME

  4. Taku on 19 October 2011, 07:45 said:

    @ Licht:

    the thought of an obese woman frantically pursuing a 15-year-old is entertaining.

    The Queen of Spain agrees.

  5. Prince O' Tea on 19 October 2011, 07:51 said:

    Hmmm… that dress looks very similar to something Lady Ruchi would wear. I wouldn’t be surprised if Maya had Ruchi murdered behind the scenes, as Step 1 of her Maradonian conquest. Or Maya murdered Ruchi for her fabulous queenly dresses.

    Also, how was Maya “trained” by the fighting spirits? For the most part, she fought them in combat, and when she decided this was too much effort for her Royal Sueness, threw a tantrum and then used a cheat device to destroy her tutors.

    I haven’t seen that movie but I want to now.

  6. Fell_Blade on 19 October 2011, 08:03 said:

    “I have had enough of this drama.”

    We have too, Maya…

    Ok, maybe Gloria is trying to make Maya all independent and strong and stuff, but so far she only comes across as a big jerk. It’s like “Gah, I’m Queen Maya! Give me what I want or I’ll send you to the abyss!”

    They even got pretty wild because Brunhilda loved the wine of Maradonia and after she emptied the second gallon she got real friendly with Balthazar (page 672).

    HAHAHAHA!!! Understatement of the year award? I would pay money to see this go down in the movie!!! This woman must have an iron constitution!

    Finally, isn’t Balthazar the traditional name of one of the three kings in the Christmas story? Ah, Tesch…

  7. BettyCross on 19 October 2011, 08:45 said:

    Goran, of course, demands to know what the fuck is going on and why she’s wearing the crown of Maradonia.

    I want to know too. Contrary to popular belief, monarchs don’t wear their crowns all day long while conducting public business. They only wear them on special occasions, such as coronations, audiences with foreign ambassadors, etc. A crown is just too valuable for that.

  8. Prince O' Tea on 19 October 2011, 09:03 said:

    I wonder if the air is going to sparkle between Brunhilde and Balthazar too?

  9. Licht on 19 October 2011, 10:42 said:

    One for curiousity: Does Gtesch have a role in her Maradonia TM Movie? Maya, per chance?

  10. BettyCross on 19 October 2011, 11:10 said:

    One for curiousity: Does Gtesch have a role in her Maradonia TM Movie? Maya, per chance?

    They may end up casting her out of desperation. It’s clear from the Maradonia-movie website there’s been no action for months.

  11. FireShark on 19 October 2011, 11:51 said:

    @TakuGifian You beat me to it.
    —-
    What’s good is good not because it is just, or moral, but because the heroes do it. I bet if Apollyon cured cancer Tesch would say what he did was wrong.

  12. LoneWolf on 19 October 2011, 12:10 said:

    The thing is, Tesch apparently didn’t really misinterpreted the meaning of these words when she told us that Maya rules Maradonia “with an iron fist”.

    I want the people of Maradonia to revolt and overthrow Maya the Tyrant.

  13. Fell Blade on 19 October 2011, 12:34 said:

    @LoneWolf, that is so true. It’s actually a little bit scary. Does Tesch actually think that having Maya go in and kill 40 people without giving them an option for surrender is setting a good, moral example for kids? I mean, that’s what Maya and Joey are “supposed” to be right? I wonder if her parents weren’t just skimming through this when they said it was a great book and told her they’d publish it!

  14. danielle on 19 October 2011, 13:31 said:

    Forget Maya’s figure; it’s her face that’s terrifying! Just look at it—her forehead is huge, her eyes are sunken, her nose is too small, and her protruding lips remind me unpleasantly of a chimpanzee.

    That aside, I do want to tackle her and force-feed her a donut.

  15. Fell Blade on 19 October 2011, 13:39 said:

    I saw that too! That is one of the most awful profiles I have seen! What happened?! Hahaha

  16. FireShark on 19 October 2011, 14:23 said:

    She’s clearly an alien. She has a vertically tiny, forward-pointing chin and a giant, domed head.

    Surprise ending quote:

    “No, Maya! You are the aliens!”

  17. Fell Blade on 19 October 2011, 14:33 said:

    I think I’m going to be quoting this line for a long time! It is so perfect for a lot of family situations! Thank you Gloria Tesch! “I have had enough of this drama! Parnell, bring me my sword Titus!” Oh, I can see so many uses for this!!! Hahaha

  18. Licht on 19 October 2011, 14:38 said:

    But what about poison?

  19. BettyCross on 19 October 2011, 17:17 said:

    Chapter Sixty-Seven – Queen of Maradonia

    Das Mayareich, the Regime of the Iron Fist, has come.

    If I were a Mard, I’d be scared to death right now.

  20. Prince O' Tea on 19 October 2011, 17:57 said:

    She’s going to be like a considerably less loveable version of Queenie from Blackadder.

  21. Erin on 19 October 2011, 18:04 said:

    THE GOLD! Wow! And it only took 600-some pages!

    Also, it appears Maya has been taking sociopath lessons from her brother. Our heroes, ladies and gentleman!

  22. Requiem on 19 October 2011, 18:11 said:

    Well now that they are rulers are they ever going to…you know, stop the big bads? Probably not, they’d rather party then you know stop the Club Of Evil and their evil ways.

  23. Fireshark on 19 October 2011, 18:37 said:

    If Gloria Tesch ruled a country IRL, we’d be in a concentration camp within days. Or maybe she’d just kill us all with her uber-leet archery powerz.

    Someone tell TV Tropes that they need a page called “Black and Black Morality.”

    Also, Stephen King needs to write a story about whatever happens to Joey when he’s stuck with Morgana.

  24. BettyCross on 19 October 2011, 18:55 said:

    Tyronia is now officially kingless, with King Joe[y] trapped under water.

  25. Asahel on 19 October 2011, 19:25 said:

    Maybe I missed this part, but why is Joey trapped with the gold? What, precisely, is keeping him from going back the way he came? I get that he may be unable to take any of the gold with him, but did the mermaid do anything special on the way there that he would need her to repeat for a return journey?

  26. Prince O' Tea on 19 October 2011, 20:34 said:

    Joey has actually mellowed out considerably in this book, but Maya appears to have absorbed and amplified all of his sociopath energy. She’s now considerably worse then Joey ever was.

  27. TheArmada on 19 October 2011, 22:09 said:

    Im sorry guys, after Tesch’s latest travesty (the death of Genarius in probably the dumbest way of all time) I can’t finish this book.

  28. Inkblot on 19 October 2011, 23:00 said:

    Is it just me or are these books becoming…uhh, somewhat dark and uhm, “mature”? Lil’ Gloria seems to be suffering from a slow descent into adolescent rebellion/insanity.

  29. BettyCross on 19 October 2011, 23:24 said:

    Is it just me or are these books becoming…uhh, somewhat dark and uhm, “mature”? Lil’ Gloria seems to be suffering from a slow descent into adolescent rebellion/insanity.

    Adolescent rebellion isn’t insanity. It only seems that way.

    I’ve often wondered, though, if her parents have actually read these books. I know I’d read them if she were my child and wanted me to open my purse and pay for self-pub.

    OTOH, if they did read them and didn’t recognize how juvenile and ludicrous they are, that says something about her mom and dad.

  30. Rorschach on 20 October 2011, 00:09 said:

    Im sorry guys, after Tesch’s latest travesty (the death of Genarius in probably the dumbest way of all time) I can’t finish this book.

    Dude, you’re not even reading it.

  31. Prince O' Tea on 20 October 2011, 07:57 said:

    I don’t think they do, considering in Seven Bridges there is a big monologue where Maya Sue becomes an author mouthpiece and wangsts about her parents not letting her go out with boys or have her very own cell phone.

    On the other hand Maya Sue says her daddy won’t put the internet in her house, and lordy bee, do we know Glo has the internet. We know all to well.

    On the other hand Betty, Momma Tesch seems absolutely incapable of telling her decent/good drawings from her mediocre at best drawings/elementary school chicken scratches, so it’s hard to tell. The whole family seems to operate under similar levels of delusion.

  32. LoneWolf on 20 October 2011, 09:49 said:

    Is it just me or are these books becoming…uhh, somewhat dark and uhm, “mature”?

    The ‘Maradonia-Saga’ is a dark and mature production. Gloria is a Serious-Mainstream-Author of the ‘Fantasy-Genre’.

  33. BettyCross on 20 October 2011, 10:20 said:

    Gloria is a Serious-Mainstream-Author of the ‘Fantasy-Genre’.

    No, you’re saying it wrong. It’s ‘Fiction-Fantasy-Genre.’

    wangsts about her parents not letting her go out with boys or have her very own cell phone.

    Yes, or have a dog. Maybe Gloria argued all these issues out with her parents long ago, so when she put them in the book, they decided to just let her have her say.

  34. Licht on 20 October 2011, 14:58 said:

    I beg to differ: ‘Fiction-Novel’ of the ‘Fantasy-Genre’. And if you ask Terry Goodkind it’s not even Fantasy. It’s writing novels that deal in important human themes involving the faculty of reason(or something).

    And Wolfie, don’t give her ideas. I don’t want to read yet another review by some “Psychologist” claiming just that.

  35. swenson on 20 October 2011, 15:10 said:

    I have to agree, I really don’t mind Joey all that much lately, as opposed to his numbskull idiocy in the last book. On the other hand, I just want to squish Maya under an elephant and set her on fire.

    As a plus, though, this section was highly entertaining. This book has such a random plot! And I mean that quite literally. Things just sort of happen for no reason whatsoever. Does any of this, in the long run, actually matter?

    Also, Maya and Joey are now epic warriors and royalty blessed by God himself. I’m really starting to wonder where they’re going to go from here. What else can Miz Tesch possibly do with them?!

  36. Requiem on 20 October 2011, 15:17 said:

    make them omnigod’s who control completely everything from reality warping to going back in time. It’s possible to do this BUT this book has no way of making it justifiable in any way shape or form.

  37. BettyCross on 20 October 2011, 19:25 said:

    They will provide iron-fisted leadership to the forces of good as they fight the last Armageddon-like battle against the Forces of Evil.

  38. BettyCross on 23 October 2011, 20:02 said:

    Go over to the World’s Youngest Novelist Facebook page. You will find this entry:

    Had so much fun at my signing at the Festival of Reading! :) I cannot believe so many people wanted to take pictures with me! hahah

    What? Didn’t she sell any books?

  39. Erin on 23 October 2011, 20:24 said:

    Is she going to post any of these alleged pictures? I’d be interested in seeing these fans who are likely paid actors.

  40. Vikingboybilly on 23 October 2011, 22:19 said:

    Wow, I got to comment on the world’s youngest novelist facebook wall. I feel so honored!

  41. Fireshark on 24 October 2011, 09:31 said:

    She’s 17 (I think) and still calls herself that? I hate to compare her to Paolini (who I sorta kinda like), but they’ve both played the “OMG YOUNG WRITER” card for way too long. Remember Paolini’s Guinness World Record as the “youngest writer of a best-selling series?”

  42. Deborah on 24 October 2011, 10:18 said:

    Well, actually, Ruichi (or however you spell that) died in childbirth with Michael’s twin.

  43. BettyCross on 25 October 2011, 09:40 said:

    Forget Maya’s figure; it’s her face that’s terrifying! Just look at it—her forehead is huge, her eyes are sunken, her nose is too small, and her protruding lips remind me unpleasantly of a chimpanzee.

    Her entire jaw sticks out like one of our hominid ancestors. Also, most of her right eye should not be visible from this angle. She reminds me of ancient Egyptian art, where the eyes were always drawn facing forward even if the head was in profile.

  44. LoneWolf on 25 October 2011, 11:41 said:

    Marina Terkulova Tesch is a talented and knowledgeable painter who uses ‘ancient style techniques’in her amazing illustrations.

  45. BlackStar on 25 October 2011, 17:28 said:

    She’s 17 (I think) and still calls herself that? I hate to compare her to Paolini (who I sorta kinda like), but they’ve both played the “OMG YOUNG WRITER” card for way too long. Remember Paolini’s Guinness World Record as the “youngest writer of a best-selling series?” /bq.

    Agreed, they both have. However, and it’s depressing that I’m actually defending Tesch, but I think that she is more validated in continuing to call herself a young “writer” than Paolini. After all, he’s 27 now isn’t he? A full decade older than Tesch. And he’s still running on that fame, even though he was already a legal adult by the time his books got big.

  46. Prince O' Tea on 25 October 2011, 21:23 said:

    Deborah: “But what about poison?”
    Maya seems to have already pulled off a King Aegeus gambit, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she ordered one of the doves to sprinkle poison into Ruichi’s organic porridge or folic acid pills.

    Speaking of doves, anyone think it’s funny how there was absolutely no interest narrative or character wise in the death of the dove carrying Maya’s message? The dove was one of the “good guys”, was sentient like all of Maradonia’s wildlife, and was probably one of Libertine’s sisters. There was more fanfare in the deaths of Big Bertha’s raven sisters: Poopo, Wewee, Peepe and Snusnu.

    27 is still a relatively young age to be a successful (note good and successful aren’t always the same thing) writer though, isn’t it?

    When I write, I often wonder if I actually won’t produce anything good and publish worthy until I am in my late thirties. It may be a myth, but perhaps writing is something that can only be good if you have had years of practice and life experience and that it’s impossible for someone in their twenties to be a worthwile writer. That may just be me though, and judging from some of the recent books and stories i have read, people seem to be producing complete crap into their forties and beyond.

  47. BettyCross on 26 October 2011, 08:57 said:

    Maya seems to have already pulled off a King Aegeus gambit, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she ordered one of the doves to sprinkle poison into Ruichi’s organic porridge or folic acid pills.

    No, it’s plainly stated early in “Ophir” that Ruichi died of puerperal fever after giving birth to twins. This was while Maya and Joe[y] were back in Southern California.

  48. Fireshark on 26 October 2011, 11:49 said:

    @BlackStar: But Paolini never claimed to be the world’s youngest novelist. Tesch has, although more recently she adds “or one of the youngest.”

    @Prince O’ Tea: Yeah, 27 is fairly young to be a successful writer. That just annoyed me because his fans always go “He was 15 when he wrote it!”

  49. BlackStar on 26 October 2011, 13:04 said:

    @BlackStar: But Paolini never claimed to be the world’s youngest novelist. Tesch has, although more recently she adds “or one of the youngest.”

    Right, but he was marketed as a young author. Even though Paolini didn’t try the “world’s youngest” nonsense, he and Tesch (who just took her “young author-ness” more to the extreme) are essentially selling themselves the same way- using their age when they were writing the first book as their main tactic.

  50. Prince O' Tea on 26 October 2011, 20:01 said:

    That’s what Gloria wants us to think, Betty. The despotic dark queen of Sue lets nothing get in the way of her crown.

    Seriously, Helena Bonham Carter needs to play her in the movie.

  51. BettyCross on 26 October 2011, 20:12 said:

    Seriously, Helena Bonham Carter needs to play her in the movie.

    If Poppa Tesch lands Helena Bonham Carter for any role in his movie, I’m gonna drink myself into a coma.

  52. Prince O' Tea on 27 October 2011, 11:53 said:

    Of course, but you have to admit, Helena Bonham Carter would capture Maya’s (unintentionally written) capriciousness, snobbery, brattiness and sociopathic tendencies perfectly. Someone really needs to write a sequel where Queen Maya has murdered baby Michael and her brother, and is now a widely despised and feared tantrum throwing middle aged despot, as well as being a psychopathic womanchild, who is being targeted by La Resistance and is also having her strings pulled by an even greater evil then herself.

    Someone really needs to edit the Maradonia page on tvtropes. Maya was clearly written to be The High Queen but is clearly sailing into the land of God Save Us from the Queen.

  53. BettyCross on 27 October 2011, 14:36 said:

    and is also having her strings pulled by an even greater evil then herself.

    Maya ends up being the dupe of Apollyon. I love it! Too bad Gloria won’t think of it.

    @Prince, I see your point about HBC now.

  54. Prince O' Tea on 27 October 2011, 17:57 said:

    That would be fantastic! Maybe Apollyon could let the Mards suffer for many years under the despotic rule of Maya, so they will end up disposing of her for him, thinking that he will usher in a golden age after the death of the wicked queen only to find his reign is even worse.

    But then again I like the idea of Apollyon being a good guy. It’s actually scary how Joey has considerably less moments of idiocy and sociopathicness…

    Too bad Maya has developed an arrogant, murderous sense of entitlement and a callous disregard for human life that is worse then Joey ever was in Seven Bridges.

  55. BettyCross on 28 October 2011, 10:07 said:

    Someone really needs to edit the Maradonia page on tvtropes. Maya was clearly written to be The High Queen but is clearly sailing into the land of God Save Us from the Queen.

    I tried to do that. The Maradonia Saga page is locked.

  56. Prince O' Tea on 28 October 2011, 12:48 said:

    Such a shame. TVtropes has turned into major party poopers about that sort of thing. I mean they froze the page at calling Gloria Tesch a jerkass rather then any of her characters, but you aren’t allowed to say anything similar about them?

  57. Fireshark on 28 October 2011, 13:53 said:

    The YMMV is open to editing. I believe the main entry should be expanded to give a better idea of the story and writing, but most of our comments would go under YMMV, anyway.

  58. Prince O' Tea on 28 October 2011, 14:31 said:

    Well at least that is. I’m definiatly going to put Maya as an intended High Queen but is heading into God Save Us from the Queen.

  59. BettyCross on 28 October 2011, 18:07 said:

    Well at least that is. I’m definiatly going to put Maya as an intended High Queen but is heading into God Save Us from the Queen.

    I just put that in, under Maradonia YMMV.

  60. Quilloasa on 31 October 2011, 01:54 said:

    Just a minor note: a gallon is 128 fluid ounces, so two gallons should be 256 ounces.

    A drink of wine is about 5 fluid ounces, so two gallons should be about 51 drinks. Unless she’s Andre the Giant’s big sister (pun intended), she should probably be out cold.