Chapter Forty-Four – The Coin of Immortality

If Maya and Joey become immortal in this chapter, I’m going to kill something on general principle.

There’s a party. It consists of nothing happening for awhile. Eventually, King Pergamon’s doc shows up and informs Joey that Pergamon might not live through the night. Apparently, he gave the doctor three gold coins to give to Joey. After Pergamon bites the dust, Joey needs to put a coin over each eye and put the other in Pergamon’s left hand. Why? Well, it’s tradition, apparently.

Joey talks to Maya, because the image on the coins are the same as the coins they got from the bottom of the ocean. Holy shit, what an incredible coincidence! What are the odds that they would stumble across two pieces of the same kind of money among two countries that do a great deal of trading with each other? Well…actually, I’d say the odds approach 100%.

Over the course of several pages, the doctor explains that with the third coin, when Joey dies, he has a chance to attain immortality by doing something. Also, there are Eight Immortals who live over in Maradonia and know stuff about immortality. File that one under Obvious Foreshadowing.

That night, Pergamon is dying and sends for Maya and Joey. Despite the fact that he’s hacking up blood like a TB patient, he still smiles when they walk in.

Joey was so emotionally touched by the situation that he could not hold back his tears. He cried like a little boy who had lost his mother in an accident and could not stop (page 418).

As moving as this is…actually, it’s really not very moving. Joey has known the king for what, 36 hours? They’ve spent approximately 20 minutes speaking to each other? There is a very large difference between your mother dying and someone you’ve just met dying.

Joey launches into a speech about how every time they’ve built a strong connection, it ends. He cites AstroJesus as his example for this, but I can’t help but think about Genarius, General Goran, or Hoppy, or Danny, or Captain Henry, or the mermaids, and the unicorns. Admittedly, they haven’t built strong connections with anyone, but they’ve built far stronger connections with these characters than with AstroJesus or Pergamon.

Pergamon starts rambling:

“Ahhhh…the light is flickering…it gets…darker…ohhhh….I did not know that the darkness is soooo…daaark…” (page 419).

The darkness is pretty dark.

Pergamon dies. And with that, suddenly Tesch starts referring to Joey as King Joey. Tesch throws in a ‘And so it was…’ and funeral arrangements start being prepared. There’s an open-casket funeral, everyone is totally psyched about a foreigner as their new king, and finally Joey gets up to address the people and explains that he has an idea: instead of the ceremonial burning of Pergamon’s body taking place on top of the mountains, as is the custom, he’s going to do it down in the city so everyone will have a chance to be a part of the funeral. Um…okay. The average person is going to have precisely the same “part” of the funeral regardless of where it takes place: absolutely none. They’ll be able to watch the fire flickering and that’s about it. It’ll be a bit closer, and a bit smellier.

And how does everyone react to their new king waltzing in and breaking hundreds, if not thousands of years of tradition? Well, exactly the way you’d expect for a book written by Gloria Tesch: everyone loves the idea. There isn’t even a minority group of holdouts. Every single person is immediately on board.

Joey gets up and tells the crowd the story of how Pergamon made him king, which basically consists of Tesch rehashing the story that already took place. Apparently Joey is able to recall the conversations that took place word for word.

Chapter Forty-Five – The Vision

There’s a picture of a naked baby here. It’s a little weird.

A few days pass. Maya’s been having dreams where Libertine shows up and tells her that Maradonia needs her. In the dream, Prince Michael (Genarius’ son) is in danger. Maya also saw Felipe plotting to “take care” of Michael, because her dreams are just that helpful. Things can’t be left murky or unclear, because not knowing precisely what will happen before it happens leads to tension, which has no place in this book. Anyway, Maya wants to head back home ASAP.

King Joey looked for a long moment over the tops of the mountains before he said, “Maya, remember my words… I will always do what you ask me to do when it seems right to me” (page 429)

Or, in other words, he’ll only do whatever he feels like doing.

They make the preparations and Maya takes off on dragon-back with Goran, Edmund, and Henry. After a few pages of nothing happening, they land in Selinka. King Genarius is delighted to see them, and they have dinner. Afterwards, they kick everyone out for a private conference.

Chapter Forty-Six – Blood Bath of Cadao

Genarius has an awesome ’stache.

Maya tells Genarius everything that has happened to them. This being a Gloria Tesch novel, it’s unacceptable to simply use the line ‘Maya told Genarius everything that had happened to them’. Instead, there are six pages of Maya telling him everything. Ah, padding.

They go in to visit baby Michael and Maya flips her shit over how cute he is. The two nurses snicker at Maya.

Maya looked at the nannies and asked them, “Is there something amusing, nurses?”

Again, Genarius noticed the growing power in Maya’s spirit (page 445).

If by ‘power’ you mean arrogance, then sure, Tesch. What, precisely, is this scene supposed to demonstrate? That Maya doesn’t have a sense of humor? That she gets angry of anyone who doesn’t show her absolute respect? What a bitch.

Finally they get down to business. Genarius feels guilty. Apparently, he was tipped off about several meetings in different cities of groups that were against him. Genarius put on his Tarnkappe and went to the meetings, invisible. Both times, he got pissed, pulled out his sword Titus, and slaughtered over a hundred people [!!], but was unable to catch any of the ringleaders. He feels guilty because he’s certain that he killed some innocent bystanders. Which doesn’t really make sense…if he was inside a room of people plotting treason against the king, how did he kill innocent bystanders? Maybe he went into a berserker rage and stormed outside and killed some people at the bagel shop down the street or something.

Anyway, Maya has just the speech to cheer him up: the Collateral Damage speech. You’ve all heard it before. Essentially, in any war, innocent bystanders will be killed, so don’t worry about it, because it’s not your fault. Genarius is still a little worried, so Maya steps up her rhetoric:

“In my opinion, all these people who are part of this conspiracy against the kingdom of Maradonia and the royal family have to pay with their lives. That is the law! Let me tell you one more thing… If you have a problem, killing these people with the sword… give me Titus! And, my King, I will finish your job with my own hands” (page 452)

Holy fucking shit!

Up until now, I thought Maya was just an idiot, whereas Joey was pure sociopath, but after this…they’re both sociopaths. No doubt in my mind.

Genarius is of the same mind…sort of. He’s shocked to hear Maya’s words, probably because she’s the most callous fifteen-year-old girl he knows, but doesn’t really have a problem with what she says.

Chapter Forty-Seven – The Blood Red Moon

Maya has a minor confrontation with Michael’s nurses, but she talks down to them until they quail under her arrogance. She then talks with King Genarius about palace security, because apparently a 15-year-old girl from Florida has a better mind for security than a career soldier.

They chat about the upcoming Blood Red Moon. It’s not particularly interesting, except the part where Genarius names the planets – Venus, Mercury, Sun, Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, and the moon. Uh…okay. So the planets here just happen to have the same names as the planets back on Earth? Or is Tesch trying to say that Maradonia exists on the same plane of existence as Earth?

Chapter Forty-Eight – The Kiss

Maya puts Prince Michael to bed. As she leaves, she meets a woman who I don’t recall. Anyway, the woman explains that she has a bad feeling about Michael’s nurses. But it turns out the nurses are listening to the conversation. They decide that Maya is too suspicious and they’ll need to finish the job quickly by giving Michael a big piece of apple. He’ll choke on it and die and nobody will be able to blame them! Actually, considering that their only job is to protect the prince and keep him safe, I imagine that they would be blamed. With extreme prejudice.

Later, Henry and Maya go out for a walk. Tesch throws in a ‘And so it was…’ to keep me properly buzzed and then Henry talks about how beautiful Maya is. Finally he asks if he can kiss her. Maya says yes, and thinks:

‘Captain Henry’s skin looks perfectly smooth except for his lips that crack when he stops smiling.’ (page 465)

Uh….okay. I…honestly don’t really know what to say about that.

So they kiss. Henry is kissing a fifteen-year-old girl. Which, okay, it’s a medieval world, fair enough. Girls there get hitched at ridiculous ages. It’s still a little bit weird, especially since Tesch was writing this scene at age 14.

Maya looks really old here. And why is she as tall as Captain Henry?

Anyway, the kiss is magical:

Maya felt different. It was like tiny little stars had exploded beneath her skin (page 465).

Which is not a terrible simile, although I would have preferred something more down to earth, such as describing Maya’s goosebumps or something. Oh well.

Chapter Forty-Nine – Murder on Command

These chapter titles are awesome.

The nurses wake up, get an apple, and head into the nursery. One of them, Emily, feels bad about killing a baby. She’s being blackmailed, and if she doesn’t murder the prince, her own family will be harmed. So she jams the apple into his mouth. Michael chokes, turns red, purple, and then blue.

Emily managed to get a smile on her face, overwhelmed with tears in her eyes (page 469).

See? It’s okay, she’s upset about murdering a baby.

Then Maya comes walking down the hall, and the nurses take off.

SUSPENSE.

Drinks: 73

Note: if you enjoyed this sporking, you may also enjoy the sporkings on my website: ConjugalFelicity.com

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Comment

  1. Requiem on 14 August 2011, 21:48 said:

    If Joey becomes immortal Kratos is going to have to come into the picture and kill the sociopath like he did to zeus and all the other greek gods.

  2. VikingBoyBilly on 14 August 2011, 23:38 said:

    Emily managed to get a smile on her face, overwhelmed with tears in her eyes (page 469).

    See? It’s okay, she’s upset about murdering a baby.

    It comes off more like she’s so happy, in that warm, sentimental way, that her eyes are tearing up because she’s killing a baby. That’s messed up.

    But she’s killing him against her will to protect her family, so it could be a forced smile to please the other maids watching her. Why would they care if she’s happy when she’s doing it if all they want is for michael to be dead?

  3. TheArmada on 14 August 2011, 23:50 said:

    Tesch is no longer just a bad writer-she’s a seriously messed up psycopath.

  4. Ridureyu on 15 August 2011, 00:14 said:

    So… Pergamon is dead.

    The other Six Churches of Revelation had better pay up if they don’t want to join him!

  5. WulfRitter on 15 August 2011, 01:44 said:

    The Blood Red Moon

    OK, I had a moment of deep concern when I thought this would be about Maya’s “special time of the month”. What does that say about what I am expecting from this book?

    And in the picture, why does Captain Henry look fourteen? Is he fourteen? I thought he was an adult.

  6. Sum Mortis on 15 August 2011, 01:54 said:

    @WulfRitter

    I think he is supposed to be in adult, but as Rorschach hinted at, in medieval times, girls married around then, or were at least betrothed, so this isnt that weird.

    The picture, however, is quite odd. She looks older than he does, which isnt right at all.

  7. WulfRitter on 15 August 2011, 02:33 said:

    girls married around then

    Often times, yes. But guys tended to be older so that they could support said girl. I just thought it was weird because very few boys would be “Captain” anything at fourteen. That’s why I assumed Henry was older than the picture shows.

  8. Taku on 15 August 2011, 03:42 said:

    Eight Immortals

    If one of them is a bitter old man with a metal crutch, even Han Xiang would want to strangle Gloria. And then Zhongli Quan would revive her with his magical fan just to take his own turn.

  9. LoneWolf on 15 August 2011, 03:52 said:

    Pergamon’s death speech is extremely amusing.

    Also, I like how Gloria gleefully kills off secondary characters, but doesn’t allow a hair to fall from the heads of precious Maya and Joey. I like to think that the spirits of everyone from Alana Terence to Florie to Pergamon plot for the Encouragers’ demise.

  10. Inspector Karamazov on 15 August 2011, 07:00 said:

    Ahahaha, the kiss.

    The baby’s death sounds way too brutal for a kid’s book. But this is Gtesch we’re talking about, so I guess it makes sense.

  11. VikingBoyBilly on 15 August 2011, 07:03 said:

    She even kills an innocent baby, and it’s okay because it’s not one of the suesome twosome.

  12. Fell Blade on 15 August 2011, 10:10 said:

    Ok, let me get this straight. Genarius goes berserk, kills over a hundred people, and doesn’t get the leaders of the conspiracy. Aside from the obvious stupidity in not targeting them first (um, he’s still invisible!), just how many people attend these “Secret Meetings”? Wouldn’t a gathering of this size attract attention? And isn’t attention the one thing that these kinds of groups want to avoid when they are plotting a king’s demise?

    Fail, Tesch!

  13. LoneWolf on 15 August 2011, 14:12 said:

    Is poor Michael actually dead at the end of this chapter, or was the nurses running away with Maya approaching supposed to be a OMGCLIGGHANGER?

    Granted, I can see things going either way – for the first time, Tesch’s cliffhanger is actually a cliffhanger. Making the nurses’ attempt successful fits Tesch’s pattern of secondary character bloodbathes, after all.

  14. BettyCross on 15 August 2011, 16:39 said:

    Maya and Joey already have invulnerable bodies and now Joey’s gonna become immortal? Argh! Gloria, honey, there’s a reason why Achilles has his famous heel and Superman has kryptonite. If you make your main character too powerful there’s no conflict and no story.

  15. BettyCross on 15 August 2011, 16:41 said:

    I notice Maya changed her hair color and style again without any mention of it in the text. Is she going to braid it next?

  16. Prince o' Tea on 15 August 2011, 18:37 said:

    Okay if Maradonia takes place in the same universe as Earth since it has the same planets, how has the Blood Red Moon not shown up yet, if it’s happened in the past? I would like to see how the people of Oceanside are going to react to it, what with the tides getting messed up as well…

    Also, lol wut? A baby prince and heir to the throne choking to death on a piece of apple, and the nurses who are responsible for his life not being punished? Even if it was an accident, it probably would have resulted in the unfortunate nurse being skinned alive, and that’s not even taking deliberate murder into account…

    Also love how Joey didn’t mention Oraculus, his “good friend.”

    Maya is so freaking scary. It’s obvious she has narcisstic personality disorder, since her constant demand to be worshipped, and her willingness to murder anything that threatens her right to be worshipped.

    Also… I was so disappointed that the baby’s image didn’t lead to:

    “King Joey and Queen Maya shall never vanquished be
    Until Maradonia Forest to high Cornerstone Massive
    shall come against them!”

    Actually probably shouldn’t say that loud. Maya already thinks she’s Shakespeare.

  17. Prince o' Tea on 15 August 2011, 18:42 said:

    “Gloria” not Maya. Looks like I made a freudian slip… only it was a glimpse into someone else’s ego!

  18. VikingBoyBilly on 15 August 2011, 19:23 said:

    Choking on apples is the new cool way to kill characters.
    srsl.

  19. Prince o' Tea on 15 August 2011, 19:44 said:

    Snow White did it first though. And better. Without spellcheck.

  20. BettyCross on 15 August 2011, 20:52 said:

    “King Joey and Queen Maya shall never vanquished be
    Until Maradonia Forest to high Cornerstone Massive
    shall come against them!”

    With all the bloodletting going on, I’m reminded of this quote from the same play:

    “I am in blood / Stepp’d in so far, that, should I wade no more, / Returning were as tedious as go o’er.”

  21. BettyCross on 18 August 2011, 03:29 said:

    I’m amazed that Gloria’s parents collaborated with her and spent their money publishing and publicizing this … stuff. I can’t believe any adult would be impressed with her “fiction.”

  22. Licht on 18 August 2011, 04:39 said:

    I’m with you.

    But… I’m still caught between that and being a little jealous. Because my family would rather shoot me than helping me out with my “useless writings”.

  23. BettyCross on 18 August 2011, 11:52 said:

    @Licht, the quality of Gloria’s fiction is so low that I find it impossible to be envious of her.

    I don’t even envy her daddy’s money, which has financed her self-publication. All Mr. Tesch has accomplished is to make his daughter look like an ass before the whole Internet. He isn’t doing her a favor.

  24. Prince o' Tea on 18 August 2011, 23:18 said:

    The sad thing is, the Tesches genuinely believed they were helping their little princess, but all they did was instill an overwhelming sense of arrogance in her, and rather then nuturing her desire to write, they self published her rough drafts, and convinced her that she is so brilliant, she doesn’t even need to go over what she has read. They have made her and themselves look like egotistical, delusional weirdoes in front of the entire internet. The chances of her recovering and taking a few writing classes and one day actually writing something worthwhile are slim to none.

    They have killed her with kindness.

    Such a good line Betty. I would also love to add this quote, (since the odd thing is, Joey is actually becoming more humane and thoughtful for a Maradonia character, while Maya is rapidly becoming an egotistical, self important bitch who constantly demands worship, and not to mention, a callous sociopath, who is willing to kill anything that might threaten her Princess-ship.)

    “Queen Maya, Queen Maya!
    Be bloody, bold and resolute,
    for non of canon born shall harm a Sue!”

  25. Fell Blade on 19 August 2011, 10:13 said:

    I’m not sure which is worse, having a family who doesn’t want anything to do with your work, or having a family who is so zealous to make you (and by extension themselves) famous that they self publish your book with no real attempt to make it good.

    I really feel bad for Gloria. Her stuff isn’t any worse than other would-be authors her age. I can even follow her train of thought in a lot of points in the story, because I would have thought and done the same things at her age. But her “Team” is building her up as this rock star author and it’s really going to hurt her and be a huge embarrassment in the long run.

  26. Prince o' Tea on 19 August 2011, 13:43 said:

    When she gets over herself (because let’s face it, she is a coddled little girl, it’s her parents who are to blame for making her this way, but judging from early drawings of Momma Tesch, the entire family suffers from similar levels of delusion), I would totally give her a second chance. Until now, I will continue to enjoy the rich veins of pure comedy gold that lie in the crust of Maradonia.

    I agree, I feel really bad for Gloria. While her literary Veruca Salt behavior is awful, her parents are the ones responsible for it. It’s like Robert Stanek and that woman who wrote Antigua had a baby.

  27. Fireshark on 20 August 2011, 08:25 said:

    I knew the nurses were evil, because they laughed at Maya. Is anyone on the good side opposed to Maya and (King) Joey?

    A great twist would be if they killed a good guy who didn’t like them, only to find out he wasn’t really evil.

  28. LoneWolf on 20 August 2011, 10:04 said:

    No. If anyone on the good side by chance opposes Maya and Joey, then he becomes evil and wants to poison them, like Commander Justin.

    Anyway, I’m looking to the next attempt at poisoning ‘the Encouragers’. I have a suspicion that the remaining chapters will consist of random evil people wanting to poison Maya and Joey, only to have their plots crushed in badly-written fight scenes. Oh, and Genarius will die, of course, so that Maya will become Queen.

    I am missing Apollyon and co. They’ve been absent on-page for too long.

  29. Prince o' Tea on 20 August 2011, 22:21 said:

    If you dislike, belittle, or just inconvenience the Suesome Twosome in any way, you will DIE. All shall love them and despair.

  30. Prince o' Tea on 20 August 2011, 22:39 said:

    They’ve probably been swallowed up by the Darkness Beyond Sue, that has already claimed just about every non Maya and Joey character. Even if they aren’t killed off, they simply sink into the void, never to be mentioned again.

    Also, why did Gloria ever bother with Hoppy? He was a major character in the first half of Seven Bridges, then was magically never mentioned again except for the last chapter, where it turns out he’s getting busy with some lady grasshopper, and after that was never mentioned again. If Gloria stopped publishing rough drafts, she would realize that rather then simply stop mentioning characters she no longer cared for, scrap them. Removing Hoppy from the story actually would have next to no impact: he is that pointless as a character. In fact, it would make the second half of the book make more sense, since Gloria simply stops mentioning him, rather then giving him an exit. Hell even his so suppposed friend doesn’t think: “Hey did that talking grashopper leave the party or something?”

    Poor Hoppy. Even Gloria hates him.

  31. LoneWolf on 21 August 2011, 04:21 said:

    Hoppy was there to be the Obligatory Talking Critter.

  32. Prince o' Tea on 21 August 2011, 09:33 said:

    Only for Gloria to grow weary of his presence, and simply pretend he never existed. He showed up the second Joey was all “Lol what happened to my grasshopper friend I suddenly stopped mentioning 400 pages ago maybe he died lol” but now Hoppy seems to have completely been absorbed by the Darkness Beyond Sue.

    Hoppy: the Obligatory Talking Critter so pointless and annoying, even his author hates him and makes him do a Brother Chuck.

  33. BettyCross on 21 August 2011, 18:42 said:

    Brother Chuck characters so far:

    Brother Benji
    Hoppy the talking grasshopper
    Arabella the talking, jewel-encrusted cobra and super-spy extraordinaire
    Abbadon (possibly)
    Plouton (possibly)

  34. BettyCross on 21 August 2011, 20:08 said:

    All shall love them and despair.

    Oh, my God. If Maya gets the One Ring, I am through with the Maradonia series.

  35. VikingBoyBilly on 21 August 2011, 21:16 said:

    Look at this guys!

    http://www.maradonia.com/purchase.html

    Battle for the key is coming out in 2012. Did it always say that? I think it had a vague “coming soon” sticker on it before or something else that didn’t give an exact year. We’re going to have to wait a while for Rorscach to finish this series (assuming gloria even finishes writing the last book and self publishes it)

  36. Fell Blade on 22 August 2011, 07:34 said:

    Is the movie even still underway? I thought I had read that it was canceled…

  37. LoneWolf on 22 August 2011, 08:24 said:

    Arabella got herself trampled by the unicorns when Maya and Joey organized their escape from Apollyon’s palace. She wasn’t Chucked.

    I’m sure that Abaddon and Plouton will reappear. However, they are taking quite a long time to do it.

  38. BettyCross on 22 August 2011, 08:28 said:

    I’ve seen no evidence that the cancellation of the movie has been announced. The movie’s web site says “In Production, 2011.” The movie’s Facebook page hasn’t been updated since May 19, when it announced a scene being filmed. Apparently they put some footage “in the can” but then everything fell apart.

    Others on this site have stated that the Director, Cinematographer, and Casting Director have all left the project, leaving only Gloria and her Dad. So it seems clear the movie is a terminal case. The Tesch’s just don’t want to say anything about it right now.

    PS – I’m not sure Gloria is really their camera operator. More likely the pic of her behind the camera is just a posed shot.

  39. BettyCross on 22 August 2011, 09:05 said:

    @LoneWolf – Thanks for the correction on Arabella. She wasn’t Chucked. Gloria accounted for her disapperence from the story. She is, however, a good example of a useless character, like Hoppy.

  40. VikingBoyBilly on 22 August 2011, 09:13 said:

    Who was arabella again?

  41. Prince o' Tea on 22 August 2011, 11:46 said:

    The jewelled snake sky that got trampled to death by the unicorns.

    It’s a pity the film didn’t last, because I was hoping for The Room for a new decade. Especially if Gloria was going to write all the dialogue.

    I think Arabella counts a character consumed by The Darkness Beyond Sue, in that all characters who are not Maya and Joey are doomed to be discarded and never mentioned again, whether its by death (Lady Ruchi and the king in this chapter, or Arabella or Alana! Terrance!), or Brother Chuck’d (Benji), or seemingly Brother Chuck’d, only to to be killed off (Phoenix) or clumsily written out (Hoppy). In short, the Darkness Beyond Sue is the void where all non Maya and Joey characters eventually end up, to rot for all eternity. Genarius and Micheal seem to be on their way there to join Ruchi and the son who died shortly after his birth, as Gloria has made clear that Maya will soon become Queen of Maradonia.

    I’m pretty sure if that apple slice doesn’t kill Michael, Maya will herself. She’s actually becoming a much more terrifying sociopath then her brother. I can see her strangling a baby if it means getting to be a Queen.

    By the way, has Dear Auntie Susan died yet of her oh so convenient Cancer?

  42. BettyCross on 22 August 2011, 11:58 said:

    @Prince, I don’t know. She may end up Chucked, so we’ll never know one way or another.

  43. BettyCross on 22 August 2011, 12:02 said:

    except the part where Genarius names the planets – Venus, Mercury, Sun, Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, and the moon.

    I think we can say Maradonia is in an alternate universe on an alt-earth with alt-Sun, alt-Moon, alt-Mars, etc. That’s assuming, of course, that Gloria even thought this thing out.

  44. BettyCross on 22 August 2011, 13:07 said:

    “In my opinion, all these people who are part of this conspiracy against the kingdom of Maradonia and the royal family have to pay with their lives. That is the law! Let me tell you one more thing… If you have a problem, killing these people with the sword… give me Titus! And, my King, I will finish your job with my own hands”

    Mass executions without trial. Gloria wasn’t kidding. Maya really will rule with an iron fist. How will Queen Maya be any improvement over Abaddon and his Evil Empire? Oh, wait, I forgot. By definition, she’s better. This is something far more dangerous than shallow writing. It’s authoritarian thinking.

  45. LoneWolf on 22 August 2011, 15:35 said:

    Maya’s character transformation from a sheepy girl to an authoritarian monster is complete. Maya underwent ‘complex character development’.

  46. LoneWolf on 22 August 2011, 15:39 said:

    Also, why there are so many people conspiring against Genarius? Either the ‘Kingdom of Maradonia’ is ruled badly, or its people are very ungrateful.

  47. BettyCross on 22 August 2011, 15:46 said:

    @LoneWolf, the conspiracies are all instigated by the Evil Empire, of course. There can be no other reason for opposing Genarius. Ditto for the poisoning conspiracies against Maya and Joe.

    BTW, Gloria’s now got a blog. Her first post is a bland “Hello, my loves” followed by the cut-and-pasted press release about “the world’s youngest novelist” that we’ve all seen before.

    http://gloriatesch.wordpress.com/2011/08/10/hello-world/

  48. Licht on 22 August 2011, 23:19 said:

    Aww - So cute! She’s doing this ALL FOR US! She calls us loves! She likes us! I always knew! <3

    I mean, come on, who else will be reading this blog? It’s a wonder she didn’t write “Hallo, my lovers” or “Hallo, my admirers!”, though.

  49. Prince o' Tea on 23 August 2011, 11:04 said:

    I thought it would be Hello My Worshippers!

    She also doesn’t seem to care that suddenly switching from sweet and friendly to third person rattling off about how she’s the greatest thing since sliced hot water makes her seem arrogant and deluded, and possibly suffering from split personality.

  50. swenson on 23 August 2011, 15:56 said:

    Bwahaha, she has a blog. I am definitely following that thing.

  51. BettyCross on 23 August 2011, 16:12 said:

    @Prince, the simplest explanation is, she’s never had a blog before and doesn’t know how to use them, so she just cut and pasted some press release text and was finished in 30 seconds.

    She’s obviously never read other author’s blogs.

  52. BettyCross on 23 August 2011, 16:21 said:

    I just had an incredible idea. There is a sci-fi and fantasy convention in St Petersburg every year in October called NecronomiCon. It’s at the Hilton Bayfront.

    Despite the name of the con, there’s no specific focus on Lovecraftiana.

    All Gloria T. has to do is reserve a table in the dealer’s room. Then she can bring in her entire spread, all six “novels” and peddle for real fantasy fans. The reaction she’s likely to get will be eye-opening, if a bit unpleasant.

  53. VikingBoyBilly on 24 August 2011, 19:36 said:

    In her blog she said she has six books published. Does that mean Battle of the Key is finished even though it says “coming 2012”?

    Also her book trailer said she published 8 books.

  54. Prince o' Tea on 24 August 2011, 20:58 said:

    Well she just split her first two self published books in half, and after that I think she just published the first half of Battle for the Key as “Law of Blood.” Gloria has decided, that for all her talk about Nancy Yi Fan not being a real novelist and “did not win the battle of the pages”, more books are more impressive then page count, so now she is doing her best to pretend she has already published six books all along, and that;s the way it always has been (despite there only being five books out at the moment, even with the book slicing.”

    It’s rather funny because she has been threatening us with the publication of “Battle of the Key” siince 2009, and it still hasn’t appeared (excep for the first half she has already published as a different book). Just like the movie was supposed to be finished by April. I think the seemingly inexaustible Tesch bank accountn has finally run out.

  55. Prince o' Tea on 24 August 2011, 20:58 said:

    Well she just split her first two self published books in half, and after that I think she just published the first half of Battle for the Key as “Law of Blood.” Gloria has decided, that for all her talk about Nancy Yi Fan not being a real novelist and “did not win the battle of the pages”, more books are more impressive then page count, so now she is doing her best to pretend she has already published six books all along, and that;s the way it always has been (despite there only being five books out at the moment, even with the book slicing.”

    It’s rather funny because she has been threatening us with the publication of “Battle of the Key” siince 2009, and it still hasn’t appeared (excep for the first half she has already published as a different book). Just like the movie was supposed to be finished by April. I think the seemingly inexaustible Tesch bank accountn has finally run out.

  56. BettyCross on 25 August 2011, 21:29 said:

    It’s worth noting that since we’ve seen Maya and Joe ride dragons, we’re now in the part of pre-split “Ophir” that is now in post-split “Maradonia and the Dragon Riders.”

  57. Alyssa on 28 August 2011, 20:59 said:

    I wonder how long is this book going to be?