Chapter Thirty-Nine – Tyronia
Maya and Joey fly along on the backs of the dragons. It reminds them of flying on Sagitta’s back. I’m reminded, once again, of how much I dislike it when a narrator tells us that they remember something. Maya and Joey are not the same person and they don’t share brainwaves.
Apparently, it’s an unusual flight for everyone, because it’s windy and very cold. I’m not sure how that is unusual for Maya, Joey, because they’ve never ridden on dragons before.
As they get closer to Tyronia, they are surrounded by hundreds of thousands [!!] of seagulls, because seagulls flock around enormous, fire-breathing, meat-eating dragons that are just looking for a tasty feathered morsel. Later, hundreds of dragons show up and fly with them. Eventually they reach Tyronia and head towards a mountain, where there’s a huge plateau and a couple enormous castles. There are dragons everyone. I’m really wondering what all these dragons eat. I imagine their primary diet is meat, and given Tesch’s description, there must be well over a thousand dragons just in this general area.
I’m guessing Tesch never bothered to consider this.
Many people were promenading, floating over the white marble plateau (page 367).
Uh. Promenading? Okay, I’ll accept that word, since technically it’s being used correctly, even though it’s rather out of place with this book’s subject matter and intended audience. But… floating? Maybe Tesch will explain further…nope, she won’t.
Everyone is watching them, a gong sounds, and people walk out welcoming King Joey of Tyronia to Abilantis, which I assume is the name of the city. Uh… King Joey?
Danny thinks everyone is confused, but Goran is pensive. Maya, however, is more interested in what everything looks like. It reminds her of a deserted plateau city in the mountains of Peru, South America, which means Tesch was looking at a picture of Machu Picchu and thought “Fuck it, I’ll throw it in!”
The creativity of Gloria Tesch.
Suddenly a group of men carry out a beautiful gondola and ask King Joey and Princess Maya to step inside because the King is waiting for them. Uh…Tesch, that’s a litter. Not a gondola.
Joey asks Maya to pinch him, because he thinks he’s dreaming, so Maya socks him.
They get inside and are carried up towards the throne, with Goran, Edmund, Henry, and Danny following behind them. The throne hall is pretty pimped out with statues and an enormous purple canapé, which makes me think of toast and caviar, but I think Tesch is referring to a sofa or something.
King Pergamon gets up and everyone bows, including Maya and Joey. Joey starts whispering about how totally AWESOME this all is, displaying he still doesn’t have any manners whatsoever, but Maya shuts him up. Pergamon is old and coughs and starts talking about how young and beautiful Maya and Joey are. He then looks around at all the old, decrepit people in the room and says that all of them used to be young and beautiful, but now they’re just beautiful. Okay, credit where it’s due, that’s actually a pretty funny line.
Pergamon gets down to business. Tyronia’s power is diminishing, his sons are dead and he has no heir. And so, after careful consideration, he has decided that the only person in all of Tyronia or Maradonia or the free world who can save his country and who is fit to be his heir and King after him is…Joey. He does mention that Joey does have the only weapon that can stop Apollyon, so I guess that’s almost a reason, but let’s be honest here. Joey is already fighting Apollyon. Elect your own king, preferably one who isn’t a fucking idiot, and make nice to Joey and get him to fight Apollyon for you. You accomplish the exact same thing without dooming your kingdom to be ruled by an adolescent pyromaniac.
Pergamon asks Joey to take a day and think it over before giving him an answer. And then he leaves. Maya wishes that Libertine was there, because every time they really need her help or advice, they’re alone. Yeah. Except for the entirety of the first book, and several crucial moments in this book.
Chapter Forty – The Four Diamond Crystals
I’m just happy that Tesch is spelling it Forty, instead of Fourty.
Joey is thinking about the offer. He thinks about that how the King of Tyronia will have a lot of obligations and responsibilities, and how he might not be the right person for the job, which is probably the smartest thing ever to kick around that skull of his.
Maya and Joey attend a banquet with the governors who tell them a bunch of history. Joey asks about the dragons and one of the elders talks about Emoogie, the ancient high priest, and their tabernacle that houses four crystals. Apparently, the crystals used to be brilliantly white but they’re growing dim and only one of them still shines at all, and it’s turning grey. Great. That’s all this story needed, some Silmarils. Anyway, when the last crystal goes out, apparently the dragons will go extinct or something. According to legend, that will happen right after the Blood Red Moon appears.
Maya pops up and mentions the old woman she met on the island who gave her snake antivenin, also randomly prophesied that the Blood Red Moon was going to appear soon. Holy shit! I don’t care!
Later that night Joey walks around thinking. Eventually he finds his way inside the tabernacle and finds the crystals, which spontaneously start flickering. Joey thinks and draws the conclusion that it’s because the Key is in his backpack, and the Key is supernaturally powerful, which apparently could restart the crystals. Joey decides that he’ll try it tomorrow and channel the sunshine into the crystals using the Key.
Chapter Forty-One – The Seed of the Whisperer
Gross.
Joey is heading back in when he overhears people talking so he immediately starts trying to eavesdrop. Turns out it’s Henry confessing his feelings to Maya! Apparently he likes her a lot. Maya then confesses that she likes him as well, but she can’t return his feelings, because, you know, she’s fifteen. And she’s from a different world. And they have a job to do.
The conversation then switches to Joey’s proffered kingship. Henry says he thinks Joey should take the job because he’ll be able to build a strong alliance between Tyronia and Maradonia. The conversation turns to the kingdom of Gorgonia, which doesn’t have any male heirs, but it does have two princess – Brunhilda, who is a giant, and can throw a warrior in full armor thirty feet through the air, and Krimhilda, who is super mega awesome foxy hot.
After four pretty bland and uninteresting pages of Gorgonian history, the conversation wraps up. Joey heads back to bed but he can’t get the image of Krimhilda with her long golden hair out of his head.
Little did he know that the contact with Princess Krimhilda would one day illuminate and change his whole life! (page 393).
Goddamnit, Tesch. DON’T DO THAT. Stop spoiling your own story!
Chapter Forty-Two – The Smile of King Pergamon
Joey wakes up late with a headache. He eats breakfast alone, because everyone else is done, and heads outside where he finds a pool. It’s all sunny, so he whips out the Key and it starts glowing. Maya tells him to jump in because the water’s so warm – after all, it’s not like they’re on top of a mountain or anything. Joey excuses himself because he has something to do, and Maya sees a shimmer of ultra violet. Whatever that means. Anyway, she thinks:
‘Joey loaded and ignited Defender. We have to build a powerful support network around him. I don’t know what he has in mind and what he is doing but I trust that he will do well and support this wonderful country with the power of his actions.’ (page 396)
Right. She trusts him. Because the last time Joey wandered off to do something with the Key he ended up starting a fucking forest fire.
Joey rolls into the temple. Some dragons asks them to leave, but Joey pulls rank and then asks them to move aside so he can fire up the crystals. He pulls out the Key and the crystals start flickering but that’s it. He counts his way around the crystals and figures hey, seven is a magic number, there were seven ‘bridges’, maybe it’ll take seven times. So he finishes the seventh trip around, then touches the crystals seven times, and there’s an explosion which takes off the entire roof. Ah, that Joey. Setting forest fires, destroying religious tabernacles…what can’t he do?
Of course, the crystals start glowing and everyone flips their shit and starts raving about the miracle that just happened and what a magician Joey is. Because he has a magical artifact that he didn’t create, doesn’t understand, and can’t control.
Joey sneaks off before most of the crowd shows up, changes clothes, and jumps in the pool with Maya. Maya asks him about the explosion and wants to know if Joey had anything to do with it, which is a pretty reasonable guess when we’re talking about Joey. Joey, however, busts out this nugget of wisdom:
“Maya, every person has two sets of ears. One set is for the outer man and the other set is for the inner man. Did you hear the sound with the ears of the outer man or with the ears of the inner man?” (page 400)
Instead of bitch-slapping Joey, or (preferably) holding him underwater until he decided to talk, Maya just sits around and tries to figure out what Joey has been smoking. Before she can, a messenger shows up to report that King Pergamon is very weak. They change and head to the throne room. The King asks Joey about the Key.
Joey was about to ask how he knew about Defender but then he stopped himself as he remembered that almost everyone knew that fact (page 402).
That’s not the way real life works, Tesch. People don’t stop themselves from asking inane questions because they remember things that are obvious and they know. Here’s an example:
Felicia was about to ask how he knew Avatar was a combination of Pocahontas and Dances With Wolves, but then she stopped herself as she remembered that almost everyone knew that fact.
Or how about this one?
Brian was about to ask how he knew that the world was round but then he stopped himself as he remembered that almost everyone knew that fact.
As a random aside, we have just hit the halfway point for this book, and I don’t know what the plot is.
Pergamon launches into a story about how Apollyon used the Key to fight them and destroyed their armies and murdered his sons. However, when it seemed that all hope was lost, the King of Light showed up and reassured Pergamon that things would turn out okay and he was going to protect Tyronia because Apollyon had used the Key against Tyronia without permission. Also, one day the Key would come to Tyronia and be used to protect its people.
Okay. I realize that it’s close to pointless to try and make sense of the decisions of the gods, but this is one that really, really doesn’t make any fucking sense. As you might not recall, there’s a rule that people aren’t allowed to use supernatural powers against each other, because then the King of Light will show up and smack them down. Except that both sides use supernatural powers against each other ALL THE TIME. Remember the time when the fairies started sending up sheets of fire and burned the soldiers who weren’t smart enough to dunk themselves in the pool of magic blood? Oh yeah, and all the times that Joey used the key to murder birds, start forest fires, and fry spaceships?
Also…without permission? The implication here is that if Apollyon had asked the King of Light for permission to use his magical flamethrower to barbecue the Forces of Good, the King of Light might have said yes, which has all sorts of unfortunate implications.
Also…the rules say you use supernatural magic, the King of Light steps in. And occasionally, that rule is almost sorta followed. Sagitta and her friend showed up to bail Maya and Joey out a couple times and I think the implication was supposed to be that it was because the Club of Evil broke the rules. So why didn’t the King of Light step in on this occasion? Instead, he just let Apollyon slaughter Tyronia’s forces and then promised that someday the tables would be turned?
Anyway. Joey accepts the offer to become the next king of Tyronia, because of course he does.
Chapter Forty-Three – King of Tyronia
Pergamon calls people in and announces that Joey has accepted the offer. There’s a short ceremony, Joey recites some words and pledges to protect everyone, and that’s that. Pergamon kisses him, gives Joey his crown and his scepter…uh, wait, is Pergamon abdicating the throne? I thought he was going to remain king until he popped off and THEN Joey was going to take over. Apparently not.
The dragons are present, and Emoogie says that the dragon community is giving Joey the Xtra Speshul L337 crown which means he’s even more awesome. Joey basks and everyone is pleased as punch and throws themselves to the ground, flat on their bellies. However, Maya and her group only kneel down. Pergamon pops up and asks them to respect their traditions for honoring Joey. Now, I know I’ve said a great deal about these characters being appropriate and honoring and respecting people, but at the same time, what I would really, really like in this scene is for Maya to say “Fuck no, I’m not groveling in front of my younger brother.”
She doesn’t. Instead, she, Danny, Henry, and Goran all lower themselves to their bellies and recite with everyone:
“Blessings, Glory and Honor belong to the King!” (page 410)
I’m going to be sick.
Drinks: 88
Note: If you enjoyed this sporking, you may like my website – conjugalfelicity.com
Taku on 8 August 2011, 08:27 said:
Um. Am I the only one thinking about The Dark Crystal here?
swenson on 8 August 2011, 10:57 said:
As opposed to how warm and comfortable it habitually is when you’re flying on a giant dragon in the open air.
Haha, a gondola? I now have a picture in my head of people literally carrying a boat around.
And oh boy. Joey’s a king now. That is truly a terrifying thought.
Prince o' Tea on 8 August 2011, 12:29 said:
Could be Taku, but the four crystals, the dragons and the second moon are giving me a Final Fantasy IV vibe. For all her anti videogaming and consumerism rants, I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a DS.
The gondola makes me think of that episode of Angela Anaconda when they make a parade float out of an old gondola and a toilet.
And Joey being a king… oh dear. I give that country three days. Two if Joey decides to use the dragons for flamethrower target practice.
BettyCross on 8 August 2011, 13:03 said:
Why aren’t the dragons ruled by a dragon? Oh, silly me! The answer is obvious: so Joe[y] can be their king without having to do a Eustace Scrubb as in “Dawn Treader.”
OMG, Silmarils? Next we’re going to have elves and hobbits and orcs, oh my! Sure enough, there are orcs in “Law of Blood” according to Gloria’s newsletter.
I can understand Pergamon abdicating to Joseph the First, since his health was fading anyway.
BettyCross on 8 August 2011, 13:07 said:
It’s supposed to be an apocalyptic war between Good and Evil, culminating in an Armageddon-sized conflagration in the valley of Hormon Gargonia. At least, that’s what the frog said.
But I agree that it’s often hard to remember that as we slog through these chapters.
LoneWolf on 8 August 2011, 13:11 said:
Also…the rules say you use supernatural magic, the King of Light steps in. And occasionally, that rule is almost sorta followed. Sagitta and her friend showed up to bail Maya and Joey out a couple times and I think the implication was supposed to be that it was because the Club of Evil broke the rules. So why didn’t the King of Light step in on this occasion? Instead, he just let Apollyon slaughter Tyronia’s forces and then promised that someday the tables would be turned?
Well, it sounds like God – I mean, king Ruach – works in mysterious, unexplainable ways both in our world and in Maradonia. That’s what Tesch would say in justification, if she actually had the balls to confront her critics.
Also, Pergamon rules Tyronia, but Pygmalion rules Ophir. Got it. I think that these kings need to have more different names.
And yeah, this book is just one string of episodes after another. I don’t find them confusing, though – just charmingly awkward and embarrassing.
WulfRitter on 8 August 2011, 14:44 said:
Uh . . . did Joey just become Jesus?
This part actually makes sense. And if written by a mature, adroit author would have the possibility of being a moment of genuine character development. As it stands, at least Maya gives reasonable reasons for not returning his feelings. As opposed to some of the examples of “reasoning” we’ve seen.
Rorschach on 8 August 2011, 14:49 said:
I do agree with this. And you know what I would have really liked? To read this scene from Maya’s POV and too see her wrestle with her emotions. Instead, we have Joey just overhear it. Minimal impact.
BettyCross on 8 August 2011, 15:20 said:
I know. There’s no reason not to continue calling him Joey instead of, let us say, Joseph the First. After all, he’s just a king. Not like he’s royalty or anything.
Costanza on 8 August 2011, 17:00 said:
Yeah, this segment is basically a rip off of Final Fantasy IV.
Come on Tesch, find a goddamn plotline and stick to it. It’s like she just wrote down everything that sounded cool.
“Oh wow I love detectives, so let’s have a detective scene in Maradonia! Then dragons! Ooh, and crystals. Love those. Plus, let’s have sunken treasure cause that’s also cool.”
This ‘book’ is an uneven mess of shit.
Licht on 8 August 2011, 17:54 said:
I love the movie Quills.
(That’s where you shouldn’t read on if you’re easily offended.)
Can we have a turning-insane priest fucking the corpse of a girl which was murdered by a fat, infantile guy triggered to rape her by the Marquise de Sade telling a story about another guy “cutting orifices where there were none before” into a whore, pretty please?
Oh, and I don’t like Golden Retrievers. They’re like blonde girls, you know. Stupid, nice, don’t bother anyone. No, I don’t like Golden Retrievers. Can we just turn Phoenix-dog into… maybe a T-Rex?
Or, you know what. Let’s have Cowboys & Aliens… No, wait. We already had Aliens. How about… Nativ Americans and Vampires? >.<
Angry? Me? NEVER!
Uneven mess of shit indeed.
Prince o' Tea on 8 August 2011, 18:02 said:
Its a pity, because I would love Rydia to turn up and fry Maya and Joey with Bahamut, or drown them with Leviathan, or summon Shiva to freeze them to death…
So true guys. “I like unicorns. I like mermaids. Oh, and I like water parks. How about an evil waterpark where they capture mermaids? Ooooh and fairies. Evil fairies. Named Gertrude. I don’t like goth girls, so let’s make them evil and mentally unstable. And slutty women deserve to be punished, so lets make her mother a slut who loves The Salsa Dance.”
Licht on 8 August 2011, 18:28 said:
The thing is… it’s not generally bad to write about things you like/ include things you like in your writing. Actually, it’s a good thing. But you should at least take so much care as to fit things together properly.
Not just throw everything into a dirty pot and spit into it, but cook it with care and because you love it and you want your guests to enjoy it, stir it and add some seasoning, arrange it lovingly onto a plate… it’s not that hard.
Just don’t SHIT on a plate you want to serve guests.
Prince o' Tea on 8 August 2011, 19:59 said:
Especially if you expect the guests to pay obscene amounts for the oppertunity.
How much is she charging for “collector’s editions” of Maradonia and the Seven Bridges? 400 dollars? The girl is batshit insane or just that arrogant. Or both.
Requiem on 8 August 2011, 21:01 said:
Maradonia: the complete collection
man that would be a horrible video game, there wouldn’t be any challenges you would just have deus ex machina’s doing all the work. Oh and forget about sympathizing for the lunatic characters. Well if she gloria got lucky she might be able to get nobuo uematsu to do the songs for her…but I doubt it.
TheArmada on 8 August 2011, 22:38 said:
hey, she’s ripping off eragon. Which is a ripoff. that’s a new low for fiction.
Yorkshire on 8 August 2011, 22:39 said:
I’m really enjoying the sporkings. I read all the Maradonia sporkings over the past week and it’s led to quite a lot of laughs between me and a couple of my friends. So, keep it up!
Also, I love the Apollyon’s Club of Evil albums in the comments. They’re amazing.
Sum Mortis on 9 August 2011, 00:55 said:
@TheArmada
This Maradonia rubbish makes the Inheritance series look like Lord of the Rings.
After reading this stuff, I would almost love to jump into Paolini’s purple prose infected literature. At least his books have a plot, slow moving though they might be.
Cristina on 9 August 2011, 01:29 said:
No comments about Tesch ripping off the Song of the Nibelungs yet again? It started with the Tarnkappe, and now Brünhilde and Kriemhild?
Wow, this is like the Frankenstein’s monster of other people’s stories jumbled together.
Shame on you, Gloria, for dishonoring the subject matter of my master’s thesis. Shame on you. /rant
Ridureyu on 9 August 2011, 04:00 said:
Who is Henry, and why should we care that he wants to shpoingle Maya?
Licht on 9 August 2011, 06:36 said:
@Cristina, don’t forget the pool of blood that makes invulnerable and the leaf… that’s also the Nibelungenlied.
BettyCross on 9 August 2011, 07:28 said:
If the author could make us care about Maya, then we’d care about whether she hooks up with Henry. But she doesn’t know how, so we don’t.
VikingBoyBilly on 9 August 2011, 07:37 said:
Are you guys sure she’s not ripping off Dragon Tales? That had a kingdom of talking dragons with magic glowing crystals, and it seems a lot more easily accessible than whatever book “silmarils” are in.
BettyCross on 9 August 2011, 07:52 said:
“Dragon Tales” was on TV (PBS) from 1999 to 2005. Gloria might well have watched it as a kid.
BettyCross on 9 August 2011, 08:47 said:
It’s like I said last time. You must have dragon riders in fantasy now. Everybody get on the bandwagon. All aboard!
Licht on 9 August 2011, 09:52 said:
I imagine one of those rollercoaster wagons that look like dragons… awesome!
Prince o' Tea on 9 August 2011, 16:15 said:
I’m sure Gloria does too, in her “Maradonia Adventure Park” (MAP), as she believes it will be called.
BettyCross on 9 August 2011, 17:03 said:
I’m not certain even Gloria still believes there’s going to be a theme park. It can’t happen unless the books become best sellers, or the movie that will never be released becomes a hit. Neither of those is going to happen.
BettyCross on 9 August 2011, 18:50 said:
Let me amend my previous post. Even Gloria must realize by now that the movie isn’t going to happen, although nobody on Team Tesch has admitted it yet. So the theme park can’t depend on the movie.
Therefore, the theme park has to wait on the books becoming best sellers. She probably still seriously believes that’s going to happen, so she may still hold out some hope of a Maradonia theme park.
EragonLand is much more likely.
Prince o' Tea on 9 August 2011, 19:17 said:
The film seems to have sunk what’s left of the Tesch’s seemingly limitless funds, seeming from the lack of development on Gloria’s facebook and websites.
Hopefully, this will make the family wake up, smell the coffee, and Gloria will actually take a few creative writing lessons… and who knows, maybe even write something worth reading one day.
Still the entire family has astonishing levels of delusion, so it is possible they believe MAP will be a reality one day. I remember seeing her Twitter update in 2009 saying “MAP currently under development”. How I lol’d. No Gloria, you looking up a random patch of Florida in Google maps and saying I WANT IT HEAR PLZ and your daddy saying “Sure pumpkin!” doesn’t count as “under development.”
Ridureyu on 9 August 2011, 20:49 said:
“But I want it NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!”
swenson on 9 August 2011, 22:51 said:
Silmarils are from the Silmarillion, the sort of prequel/history book for LotR by Tolkien.
On a side note, shpoingle is the best euphemism I’ve ever heard.
No One on 10 August 2011, 05:01 said:
Suddenly, I had an idea of drawing a very short comic (or something along the the line) about Maya, Joey, Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Eragon and Saphira or Arya. Any suggestions on how the comic/story should go?
Cristina on 10 August 2011, 06:25 said:
@ Licht: Oh yeah, I’d forgotten about that.
Anyone else think Gloria Tesch should never again be allowed to read any book whatsoever? She’s only going to rip it off, in the end….
Licht on 10 August 2011, 09:39 said:
The contrary she should read as many books as she can get. She should even read the ingredient list on the back of the marmalade glass on her breakfast table – everything!
Every word you read makes you a little wiser. And she needs many more.
BettyCross on 10 August 2011, 10:20 said:
We’ve been warned that in chapters to come both Maya and Joe[y] will be “burdened by affairs of the heart.” I’m not looking forward to future romantic scenes, except maybe as a source of unintended comedy.
Licht on 10 August 2011, 10:36 said:
At least Gtesch wrote no sex scenes – so far.
BettyCross on 10 August 2011, 10:49 said:
@Licht, there’s nothing more embarrassing than a sex scene written by a virginal teenager. I know. I did it.
Only one good thing came of it. My parents, after reading that scene, didn’t spend the rest of my adolescence worrying if I was sexually active.
Licht on 10 August 2011, 11:11 said:
Agreed.
Wait. They read it?! That’s awful! It’s as if they barged in while you were in bed with someone… even worse!
My parents never even read my other writings, a sex scene would probably kill them! xD
Prince o' Tea on 10 August 2011, 11:24 said:
I’m not sure we have anything to worry about, unless the characters get married. If that happens, we may just see something like The Room (HOT BELLYBUTTON SEX) or better yet, My Inner Life’s “grunting like tigers in heat”.
Also if Joey is going to hook up with this Princess Somethingorotherhilde, does that mean he (or Gloria) has forgotten all about the mermaid that wants to jump his bones? Unless Gloria is trying to set the mermaid up as a bunny boiler.
Requiem on 10 August 2011, 12:50 said:
How in the world is joey a king have sex with that mermaid chick? Is she going to pull a little mermaid and have her grow legs? Also the word shpoingle sounds like it would make for a neat game like twister.
BettyCross on 10 August 2011, 13:04 said:
@Licht, I was so naive I showed my MS to them, to get their feedback. I took the hint and didn’t write about sex again for a long time.
BettyCross on 10 August 2011, 13:13 said:
I think the mermaid-and-Joe[y] thing was just a flirtation.
Gloria, as she so often does, has telegraphed to us that King Joseph and Krimhilde are going to become an item. We’ll see how that goes.
Licht on 10 August 2011, 13:23 said:
Either naive or very brave.
@Requiem. Maybe she’s going to lay eggs into his mouth, which he then has to carry around until they hatch?
BettyCross on 10 August 2011, 18:39 said:
Could be, Prince. Which mermaid was that who emerged from the water and glared at Maya and Joe[y] when they were getting on the cruise liner?
Licht on 10 August 2011, 19:01 said:
Ohm… turn him into something like this:
Prince o' Tea on 10 August 2011, 19:14 said:
We don’t know if that was the same mermaid, but there was lots of “He is my man!” and “I see him as a man and that’s all that matters!” from the infatuated mermaid, so I don’t think she’s going to be content with being a bridesmaid. ohohohoho! And ordelia remarked that someone in the future was going to turn Joey into a monstrous sea creature…
Licht that would be fantastic. Joey has no mouth, and not only can he not scream, he can no longer drop fortune cookie wisdom and ice cream koans every three seconds anymore!
LoneWolf on 11 August 2011, 06:03 said:
I want Gloria to read more and more books. Her awkward rip-offs are cute.
VikingBoyBilly on 11 August 2011, 08:52 said:
That picture of Joey above reminds me of Lovecraft. I think Gloria should read the Forgotten City and the Call of Cthulhu.
BettyCross on 11 August 2011, 09:43 said:
@VikingBoyBilly, please, no, not Lovecraft. I don’t want her ruining Lovecraft for me.
Prince o' Tea on 11 August 2011, 10:53 said:
Its from “I have No Mouth and Must Scream” I thought.
Gloria’s next book should be “I have No Character Development and Must Be A Sue” or something.
Licht on 11 August 2011, 11:14 said:
It is, indeed.
Maybe Gloria should read some of Harlan Ellison’s stories for inspiration?
ScribblerRigby on 23 August 2011, 01:50 said:
That crystals subplot reminds me of Final Fantasy, but is also almost a direct rip of that Dinotopia miniseries from forever ago.
I’m hesitant to believe she’s made it through the Silmarillion.
BettyCross on 23 August 2011, 09:01 said:
I don’t think she’s read either the Lord of the Rings or the Silmarillion. The 2nd one, quite frankly, it took me nearly a year to finish. It’s rough going.
We know she borrows, in sloppy and haphazard fashion, from just about everything she’s ever read. That’s why I don’t think she’s read any of Tolkien’s master-works. If she had, Maradonia would be crawling with elves, hobbits, and dwarfs. I know she has Orcs in M. and the Law of Blood, but she could have gotten that idea indirectly.