Another chapter. I’ve given up on the drinking thing, but you guys can continue if you want. I’ll put up a little label and everything.

Haven and Miles are already sitting down at a lunch table but GASP Damen is also sitting with them. Huzzah. An opportunity for badly written character interaction, hooray. By the way, this dialogue is so stupid I’ll just have to include it and show you.

I roll my eyes and slide onto the bench beside him, determined to show just how blasé I am about Damen’s presence. “I was raised by wolves, what can I say?” I shrug, busying myself with the zipper on my lunch pack.

“I was raised by a drag queen and a romance novelist,” Miles says, reaching over to steal a candy corn off the top of Haven’s pre-Halloween cupcake.

Umm… alrighty then. Noël, I am aware of the fact that he’s gay. Good lord. You do not need to bash me over the head with it. Mannerisms, showing-and-not-telling, have you ever heard of those? Have you ever heard of trying to write well?

Haven laughs. “I, on the other hand, was raised in a coven. I was a beautiful vampire princess, loved, worshiped, and admired by all. I lived in a luxurious, gothic castle, and I have no idea how I ended up at this hideous fiberglass table with you losers.” She nods at Damen. “And you?”

A coven is a group of witches, dumbshit. Not fucking vampires. We don’t need anymore than are currently in the world, thank you very much.

He takes a sip of his drink, some iridescent red liquid in a glass bottle, then he gazes at all three of us and says, “Italy, France, England, Spain, Belgium, New York, New Orleans, Oregon, India, New Mexico, Egypt, and a few other places in between.”

Why does he keep gazing at everyone? Does he have an eye disorder?

every time he speaks it’s the only sound I hear.

And every time our eyes meet I grow warm.

And when his foot just bumped against mine, my whole body tingled.

And when Noël wrote that last sentence, my palm moved at an accelerated rate towards my face.

“How’d you end up here?” He leans toward me, prompting Haven to scoot even closer to him.

Dude, this behaviour is fucking creepy. Come on, you’re willing to let a guy be creepy to you just because he’s easy on the eyes?

I can feel Damen’s gaze, heavy, warm, and inviting, and it makes me so nervous my palms start to sweat and my water bottle slips from my grip.

I don’t really need to do anything, at this point. It sporks itself.

Cue lunch bell.

They get up and leave, and the second that Ever’s sure that Damen can’t hear her, she asks Haven about why the hell he’s sitting there in the first place.

“He wanted to sit in the shade, so we offered him a spot.”
Miles shrugs, depositing his bottle in the recycling bin and leading us toward the building.

“Nothing sinister, no evil plot to embarrass you.”

Of course not. No evil plots here, no sirree.

I’m unwilling to express what I’m really thinking, not wanting to upset my friends with the very valid, yet unkind question: Why is a guy like Damen hanging with us?

They’re not even worthy to breathe the same air as him.

“Relax, he thought it was funny.” Miles shrugs. “Besides, he’s coming by your house tonight. I told him to stop by around eight.”

Does Miles live with her? If not, he has no right to ask other people to go to her house. What the fuck.

All I know is that I don’t want Damen coming over, not tonight, not ever.

How pitifully wrong you are, poorly characterized heroine in a bad paranormal romance novel. How wrong you are.

Haven is what you’d call an anonymous group addict. In the short time I’ve known her; she’s attended twelve-step meetings for alcoholics, narcotics, codependents, debtors, gamblers, cyber addicts, nicotine junkies, social phobics, pack rats, and vulgarity lovers.

This must say a lot about Haven then.

She’s just terminally ignored by her self-involved parents, which makes her seek love and approval from just about anywhere she can get it.

Why are the unimportant characters characterised better than the ones we have to care about? Surely it takes more effort to write a better character than this idiot we have at the moment.

Haven’s just learned that the quickest way to stand out in a town full of juicy clad blondes is to dress like the Princess of Darkness.

So every girl in the whole town EXCEPT for Haven is a blond? Really? By the way, I have no idea what ‘juicy clad’ is supposed to mean. I’m assuming that they wear juice. I don’t know how that works either.

But I happen to know that beneath all the skulls, and spikes, and death-rocker makeup is a girl who just wants to be seen, heard, loved, and paid attention to, something her earlier incarnations have failed to produce.

This is so stereotypical. You know, she could have just wanted to wear spikes, skulls and death-rocker makeup because she felt like it. No need for the fake ‘girl who just wants x and y’ crap.

In my old life I didn’t hang with people like Miles and Haven.

It’s so depressing that she’s been reduced to accompanying scum like them – wait, scum like them are accompanying her. So sad.

I was part of the popular crowd, where most of us were cute, athletic, talented, smart, wealthy, well liked, or all of the above.

This is such a high-school fantasy, it’s pathetic. Besides, why the focus on high school nowadays? It sucks! Hormones and homework and shit like that, you’d think adults would be glad to get out of it. But no, we’ve got people like Noël to remind us of what high-school should have been like. Well, from all of us who currently want to escape high school and forget about the whole ordeal, fuck you.

And even though I was never mean to anyone who wasn’t part of our group, it’s not like I really noticed them either. Those kids just didn’t have anything to do with me. And so I acted like they were invisible.

What. A. Bitch. I’m being serious here when I ask: is this all satire? Is this a very clever play on the horrible ‘Twilight’ clones we have as mass-market paperbacks that stock shelves nowadays? Please say yes. Please. This character is the one we root for. It’s just because she underwent a horrible tragedy that we find out she’s inherently ‘good’, but here’s evidence to refute it. If she hadn’t had her family die right before her, there’s no way she wouldn’t have ended up a completely shitty person. No fucking way. She would be cute, blond, and bitchy (not to mention a varsity cheerleader, whatever that means). The real character has been revealed here.

And that’s exactly why I need to stay away from Damen because his ability to charge my skin with his touch, and siIence the world with his voice is a dangerous temptation I cannot indulge.

I won’t risk hurting my friendship with Haven. And I can’t risk getting too close.

This sounds like it’s been ripped right out of ‘Twilight’ and then pasted messily into this novel. God, please make it stop.

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Comment

  1. swenson on 5 March 2014, 09:21 said:

    I think I said this earlier, but it bears being said again:

    I know this one guy who’s gay. (okay, I know more than one gay person, but his story in particular is relevant here) I literally never would have known he was gay if not for him agreeing with me that Kaidan from Mass Effect is cute. You know why I wouldn’t have known this? Because being gay doesn’t mean you’re a walking stereotype. In fact, as shocking as it may seem, many gay people appear perfectly normal.

    I know, I know, that might seem hard to believe, but I promise it’s true!

    He […] says, “Italy, France, England, Spain, Belgium, New York, New Orleans, Oregon, India, New Mexico, Egypt, and a few other places in between.”

    He was raised by all those places? Interesting. I’ve heard of a village raising a child, this is the first time I’ve heard of several countries, some states, and a city raising a child.

  2. Epke on 5 March 2014, 10:09 said:

    “Relax, he thought it was funny.” Miles shrugs. “Besides, he’s coming by your house tonight. I told him to stop by around eight.”

    Oh, hello, Vee. Surprised you escaped Maine and ended up here.

    This would make sense if it was satire, but I think Noël is dead serious.

  3. Apep on 5 March 2014, 15:41 said:

    Haven laughs. “I, on the other hand, was raised in a coven. I was a beautiful vampire princess, loved, worshiped, and admired by all. I lived in a luxurious, gothic castle, and I have no idea how I ended up at this hideous fiberglass table with you losers.”

    Congratulations, Noël, you managed to kill that joke dead. Not that it was all that funny in the first place.

    But I happen to know that beneath all the skulls, and spikes, and death-rocker makeup is a girl who just wants to be seen, heard, loved, and paid attention to, something her earlier incarnations have failed to produce.

    Yes, I’d managed to figure that out for myself, given what you just said about her parents. Please stop holding my hand.

    Besides, why the focus on high school nowadays?

    I can think of two possible answers:
    A) Many or most of these authors are probably still bitter about their own experience in high school, so they use their books/characters to “fix” it.
    B) The target audience is mostly teenagers, and the authors/publishers are of the opinion that teenagers can’t identify with someone older than themselves.

    not to mention a varsity cheerleader, whatever that means

    I’m sure this was mentioned in the forums, but the “varsity” team is the school’s main team for a sport, usually made up of the older or more skilled athletes. Given the mindset of the author, they’re probably also implicitly the most popular kids in school, because somehow being good at sports translates into popularity.

  4. Danielle on 5 March 2014, 17:40 said:

    Speaking as one who has moved quite a bit….why doesn’t Damen use his many locations as a chance to start a conversation? Come to think of it, the dialogue should look more like this:

    “So where are you from?”
    Damen laughs. “Just about everywhere. I came here from Portland, but before that it was London and Paris before that.”
    I swivel in my seat. “You lived in Paris? What was that like?”
    Miles gives a wistful smile. “I’d love to see Paris.”

    People get curious when you say you say you’ve lived somewhere exotic. They don’t just accept it and go back to drooling.

  5. Potatoman on 5 March 2014, 18:30 said:

    People get curious when you say you say you’ve lived somewhere exotic. They don’t just accept it and go back to drooling.

    I wish that worked. Whenever somebody asks where I’m from and I answer Maldives, they either raise an eyebrow and continue with the conversation or assume I’m Indian and continue the conversation. :P

    the “varsity” team is the school’s main team for a sport, usually made up of the older or more skilled athletes.

    Thanks :D

    Congratulations, Noël, you managed to kill that joke dead.

    DEAD HAHAHA GEDDIT BECOZ SHE IS A VAMP HAHAHA YOU SO FUNNY

    This would make sense if it was satire, but I think Noël is dead serious.

    DEAD SERIOUS HAHAHAH WHY ARE YOU COMMENTERS SO MUCH FUNNIER THAN THIS BOOK

  6. Organiclead on 5 March 2014, 18:51 said:

    They’re trying to make the friends too “likable”, they’re trying to make the romance interest mysterious, trying to make the main character snarky and witty, but it just doesn’t work. Author, you’re trying too hard. This is as natural as a McDonald’s milkshake.

  7. BaconMushroomMelt on 5 March 2014, 20:08 said:

    This book is pretty much set in Stereotype Academy.

  8. Danielle on 6 March 2014, 00:22 said:

    I wish that worked. Whenever somebody asks where I’m from and I answer Maldives, they either raise an eyebrow and continue with the conversation or assume I’m Indian and continue the conversation. :P

    Really? All of the people I’ve met would go “Ooohhhh, what’s that like?” or “Maldives? Where’s that?” Maybe it’s different where I’m from. I say I’ve lived in North Carolina or Washington or Wyoming, and that’s usually grounds for a conversation of some sort.

  9. Juracan on 6 March 2014, 12:24 said:

    A coven is a group of witches, dumbshit. Not fucking vampires.

    Actually the word ‘coven’ is often used for a group of vampires these days. I’m not sure why, though…

    Who invites someone to another person’s house? Is there a study group or something? Or is he just being sent there because reasons?

    God I hate high school…

  10. The Smith of Lie on 6 March 2014, 16:50 said:

    Actually, the proper word for the group of vampires should be Coterie. Or if you talk about political structure, I guess a sect. Or if you think about common ancestry than a Clan or Bloodline. Alternatively, Kindrad as the whole…

    Haven laughs. “I, on the other hand, was raised in a coven. I was a beautiful vampire princess, loved, worshiped, and admired by all. I lived in a luxurious, gothic castle, and I have no idea how I ended up at this hideous fiberglass table with you losers.” She nods at Damen. “And you?”

    One would think, that getting away from ‘‘A House of Night’‘ books would be an improvement, but I am not sure which is worse to be a character in, those or Evermore.

  11. Potatoman on 6 March 2014, 19:05 said:

    God I hate high school…

    Don’t we all, my friend? Urgh this wish fulfillment bullshit needs to stop being published. I can understand just writing random crap about how you had such a shitty high school life so you’re going to write a book and ‘fix’ it via journals at home but the rest of the population of earth does not need to know this.

    One would think, that getting away from ‘‘A House of Night’‘ books would be an improvement, but I am not sure which is worse to be a character in, those or Evermore.

    You know, I’ve been thinking the same thing throughout this sporking.

  12. Juracan on 6 March 2014, 19:30 said:

    Actually, the proper word for the group of vampires should be Coterie. Or if you talk about political structure, I guess a sect. Or if you think about common ancestry than a Clan or Bloodline. Alternatively, Kindrad as the whole…

    I didn’t say it was correct, I just said it was often used.

    Don’t we all, my friend? Urgh this wish fulfillment bullshit needs to stop being published. I can understand just writing random crap about how you had such a shitty high school life so you’re going to write a book and ‘fix’ it via journals at home but the rest of the population of earth does not need to know this.

    I really just hate how it’s played as being so important, and even then sometimes nothing interesting happens with it. Here, let me give you an example:

    Flash Thompson. He’s sometimes played as your everyday stupid jock/bully, but in the better versions of Spider-Man, it’s revealed that he’s actually the titular hero’s biggest fan and deep down he’s really not that much of a douche. And for that he’s an interesting character, because he’s subverting a lot of high school stereotypes.

    Then there’s crap like THIS which just reinforces them, and that just bugs me. Part of the experience of high school (for me at least) was finding out that people didn’t fit these exact kinds of molds, and so when I see fics like this which are in complete thrall to those molds, I get annoyed and frustrated.

  13. swenson on 6 March 2014, 21:16 said:

    Flash Thompson. He’s sometimes played as your everyday stupid jock/bully, but in the better versions of Spider-Man, it’s revealed that he’s actually the titular hero’s biggest fan and deep down he’s really not that much of a douche.

    And in some versions, he overcomes his initial jockishness to become a friend to Peter and an ally of Spider-Man. He’s not JUST a stereotypical horrible person.

  14. Epke on 6 March 2014, 22:43 said:

    Actually, the proper word for the group of vampires should be Coterie. Or if you talk about political structure, I guess a sect. Or if you think about common ancestry than a Clan or Bloodline. Alternatively, Kindrad as the whole…

    Uh, so singular “vampire”, plural “Mexican prairie dogs”?

    I think we owe ol’ Anne Rice for the ‘vampires in covens’ thing. She used that word instead of say, clan, family or some such, and then everyone else sort of tagged along. Even BtVS uses it.

  15. Danielle on 7 March 2014, 02:02 said:

    Actually, the proper word for the group of vampires should be Coterie.

    And come and meet his spectacular coterieeeee!

    Prince Ali, mighty is he, Ali Ababwa….

  16. Resistance on 10 March 2014, 15:57 said:

    “I was raised by a drag queen and a romance novelist,”

    I’m sure there are plenty of people that were raised by drag queens and/or romance novelists and were straight. That’s like saying because your parents are straight, you will be too. Or because your parents love purple, you will too.

    I can feel Damen’s gaze, heavy, hot, and strangely alarming, and it makes me so nervous my palms start to sweat and my water bottle slips from my grip.

    I love how the changing of two adjectives just changes that sentence completely. Probably not the best sign.

    You know, she could have just wanted to wear spikes, skulls and death-rocker makeup because she felt like it. No need for the fake ‘girl who just wants x and y’ crap.

    There are plenty of people who have Haven’s style set, and most of them

    a. Like those clothes
    b. Like music and the people associated with the music and want to emulate the people associated with the music who wear Haven’s style
    c. Want to stick out a bit

    Never have I met anyone who’s really a fragile flower that just wants to ride ponies and bake cookies. Sure, there may be some people who are, but is everyone really the exact opposite of what they appear to be? No.

  17. The Smith of Lie on 11 March 2014, 09:52 said:

    Well, I have been bored and instead of working, decided to whip up a spitefic. I don’t have time to proofread it, but I hope it will proved a measure of amusement

    Haven laughed. “I, on the other hand, was raised in a coven. I was a beautiful vampire princess, loved, worshiped, and admired by all. I lived in a luxurious, gothic castle, and I have no idea how I ended up at this hideous fiberglass table with you losers.”

    Fools thought she was just joking, even the mind reading broad fell for her mental construct of a life. It was sad actually, that even blessed by such immense power, Ever Bloom was unable to see how fake and stupid the imagage Haven fed her was. How stupid and self-absorbed did she need to be, not to notice how flad and two dimensional the lie was?

    More worrying was the appearance of Damen. He wasn’t exactly human as well. So she would need to make her move faster, than she’d prefer. Annoying, but manageable circumstance.

    The night was moonless, perfect for her purpose. Well, these days any night was just as good for skulking, rise of electric lights made it equally hard to sneak in urban areas, regardless of moonlight. Still, with little obfuscation it was not hard to get to the doors of Ever’s aunt unnoticed. Breaking and entering was only little more difficult, but Haven picked up a thing or two about locks during the centuries. She slipped inside and silenly closed the door behind her.

    First she needed to remove Sabine from the picture. Bottle of ether would work nicely, no need to be wasteful and kill her. Besides, she was a lawyer, sparing her life could be considered bloodsucker’s proffesional courtesy.

    Haven found the woman still working, drafting some kind of suit or something. It was more of black magic to her, than actual black magic. Sitting at the keyboard, focused on the work is not a very good way to rebuff an assult of inhumanely fast vampiress armed with anesthetic. Once Sabine lied safely knocked out, Haven moved to the main course.

    “Haven? What are you doing here at this hour?” Ever was pretty confused, as seemed appropriate considering she was just woken up for peacful sleep. Dreems about a certain handsome, new transfer student perhaps? Instead of bothering with answer, Haven dropped the blocks preventing the insipid cow from reading her mind. Ever screamed. She probably suffered an overlead of information. Very nasty information. Very scary information.

    Struggle was pitiful. Even among the subset of human, female teenagers, Ever was hardly a physically imposing figure. And even the most physically imposing female teenager is way below any object from “undead horror offending all laws of nature”. Jugular tore easly under her teeth, sweet, sweet life shooting under pressure into Haven’s mouth. She drank greedily, letting the blood soak her. Once she was done, Ever was no more.

    She looked at the corpse. Shame she had to kill Ever so fast, the last freak she ate should have provided her with immunity to the sun for at least couple more months. Unlife can be tough sometimes.

    Now that she had closed her business in this town, it was time to move on. Find another youg telepaht…

  18. Juracan on 19 March 2014, 07:41 said:

    That was pretty awesome. Any other YA protagonists you think Haven should go after?

  19. The Smith of Lie on 19 March 2014, 09:57 said:

    That was pretty awesome. Any other YA protagonists you think Haven should go after?

    I’m not really that much into YA, especially bad one, so I don’t know who will be next to fall victim either to Haven or Vatican Black Ops (Vatican African Ops, for those politically correct). Depends on whose spork/review inspires me to throw a little spite at the subject.

    I have a sequel for Evermore in mind, dealing with Damen though. Maybe in next chapter spork.