I’ve been seriously reassessing the decision to spork this thing. I might be in way over my head.
But never mind my personal safety! This is about your enjoyment! So let’s do this. I got the book (don’t ask), so I’ll be sporking more of it if I can just keep my sanity. I mean, it’s really not badly written like Gloria Tesch’s ‘Maradonia’ series, but it’s just that this book doesn’t really require any thinking power. My eyes look through it and… done. No brainpower required. Plus, the characters so far aren’t all that likeable and are really just standard stereotypical ones. Does Noël think that all girls want to be cheerleaders and the only ones who don’t are goths and gays? Bitch please.
So anyway, here we go!
For the first few paragraphs, Ever’s just expositing about how Riley’s visits are super amazing and help her appreciate her new life a little more. Well I’d say it doesn’t really take your sister coming back from the dead to stop being so ungrateful. Goddamn.
But that may just be me, so never mind.
So Ever gets to school, and meets up with Haven. Haven wonders whether Damen’s dropped out, and Ever wonders why the hell that would be since he just started school. Haven’s answer, everybody?
“Uh, because we’re not worthy? Because he really is too good to be true?”
At this point, I just don’t know what to say anymore.
Haven thinks Ever is a threat to her dating Damen (get real, you’re only a minor character, Haven) and then this happens:
Besides, it’s not like I’m all that datable in my current voice-hearing, aura-seeing, baggy- sweatshirt-wearing condition. But I don’t say any of that. Instead I just say, “Yes, I’m a liability. I’m a huge uninsurable disaster waiting to happen. But I’m definitely not a threat. Mainly because I’m not interested. And I know that’s probably hard to believe, with him being so gorgeous and sexy and hot and smoldering and combustible or whatever it is that you call him, but the truth is, I don’t like Damen Auguste, and I don’t know how else to say it!”
Oh, that’s perfectly true. It’s true. From the way you salivated over him the first time you saw him I can completely agree that you don’t like him. And the plot won’t bring you two together either, don’t worry. It’s going to be twu wuv and Damen’s shininess that’ll fix things.
Unfortunately for Ever, Damen was standing right in front of her and heard the whole rant. Very contrived plot device, if you ask me. As demonstrated by the next paragraph, Ever doesn’t give a shit about that though. She has too much self-esteem to worry about some boy.
I toss my bag to the floor, slide onto my seat, lift my hood, and crank my iPod, hoping to drown out the noise and deflect what just happened, assuring myself that a guy like that, a guy so confident, so gorgeous, so completely amazing, is too cool to bother with the careless words of a girl like me.
Sigh. I don’t know where to start. I don’t. The prose is awful, but I seem to have gotten used to that. The fact that it seems okay to be all mopey and stuff over a guy, though, really demonstrates the level of thinking this author put into the book. Of course, Noël probably never intended this to be a bad remake of Bella’s first-person narration in ‘Twilight’ but the fact is that it does sound horribly similar. And the book suffers for it. To add to the misfortune, the issue of the pervasive ‘passive female character’ in modern YA paranormal fiction won’t be addressed, leading to a deluge of novels where the characters (even the heroines and heroes) are flat, paper-thin cutouts of popular, media-propagated stereotypes. But let’s leave Noël to her work and see where this book takes us, hm? I know you don’t want to go but I’m taking you anyway.
But just as I start to relax, just as I’ve convinced myself not to care, I’m jolted by an overwhelming shock, an electric charge infusing my skin, slamming my veins, and making my whole body tingle.
And it’s all because Damen placed his hand upon mine.
Well, as a guy who’s had a crush on somebody before, the words ‘overwhelming shock’ seems a little too much like overkill. Why can’t anyone just be whelmed nowadays? Also, the Electric Charge of True Love slammed through her veins? I don’t think slammed means what she thinks it means.
Oh, by the way… that little hand touch was only so that Damen could return Ever’s copy of ‘Wuthering Heights’.
Yet knowing how ridiculous that is, I shake my head and say, “Are you sure you don’t want to keep it? Because I really don’t need it, I already know how it ends.” And even though he removes his hand from mine, it’s a moment before all the tingling dies down.
“I know how it ends too,” he says, gazing at me in a way so intense, so insistent, so intimate, I quickly look away.
Replace intimate with creepy and now you’re in the ballpark of understanding how disturbed I am with that description. My God.
The guy’s seen you twice, and he’s looking at you intimately? Something is not right here, Ever. Get that through your thick skull. You barely know the guy and you’re fixated on his face like a deer in headlights.
After that, Damen puts his hand on Ever’s (again!) and asks what she’s listening to. I’m not sure if that’s really necessary. He could just freeze her with the power of his face and then ask, right? Knowing this girl right here, it’s not gonna take much. He could literally just glance at her hair or something and she’d wilt and write poems about how beautiful his eyelashes are. He doesn’t need to touch her. In fact, I’m pretty sure it would be more appropriate if he just stopped being near her, walked outside and then shot himself. That way, it would save him and the rest of us from having to read through this book.
Oops, I forgot to mention something; when Damen is near Ever, she can’t hear anything. No thoughts, feelings, nothing. He’d be useful in an exam hall.
“I asked what you’re listening to.” He smiles. A smile so private and intimate, I feel my face flush.
Since she didn’t answer the first time he asked, I imagined him trying to pin her arm behind her back and screaming ‘TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE LISTENING TO!’ Also, the way that he’s smiling at her creeps me out. Specifically, the way the smile is being described. Guys, go out and meet a girl. Meet her again, for the second time, and then try smiling at her ‘intimately’. I don’t give a flying fuck about how ‘gorgeous’ you may be, but if she hasn’t called the police on your ass by then I’m going to assume there’s something very wrong with our society.
“Oh, um, it’s just some goth mix my friend Haven made. It’s mostly old, eighties stuff, you know like the Cure, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Bauhaus.” I shrug, unable to avert my gaze as I stare into his eyes, trying to determine their exact color.
“You’re into goth?” he asks, brows raised, eyes skeptical, taking inventory of my long blond ponytail, dark blue sweatshirt, and makeup-free, clean scrubbed skin.
“No, not really. Haven’s all into it.” I laugh, a nervous, cackling, cringe worthy sound, that bounces off all four walls and right back at me.
I’m not sure what the prerequisite for being a goth is. Also, doesn’t Damen sound a little distasteful when he says goth? The whole eyes skeptical thing tipped me off. Also, he’s taking inventory of her? She isn’t a fucking storage closet.
So anyway, Damen asks what Ever’s into (hmm… I think it starts with a D. Just saying) and before she could answer the question, the teacher walks into class and the chapter ends with a cliff-hanger. Plus, there’s a horrific run-on sentence.
And then Damen leans back in his seat, and I take a deep breath and lower my hood, sinking back into the familiar sounds of adolescent angst, test stress, body image issues, Mr. Robin’s failed dreams, and Stacia, Honor, and Craig all wondering what the hot guy could possibly see in me.
This is a horrible sentence. And a horrible book.