We’re introduced to a new character here.
Damen is gorgeous. I know this without once looking up.
Fuck. Happy fun times are over, ladies and gentlemen. This author gets to work real quick. Already we have the goffick friend, the Scary Sue and the Shiny Gorgeous Love Interest. This is where everything goes downhill. Let me just ask… is there going to be a love triangle? Please no.
I nod, refusing to look any further than his sleek, black, motorcycle boots. The kind that are more GQ than Hells Angels.
I feel bad for this guy. His fate is to get shipped with Ever Bloom for God knows how many books, and his character will probably not even get expanded on that much. How depressing.
So nothing much happens, Damen moves closer to Ever and she scoots further away, thinking about how everybody else thinks it’s a damn shame such a hot guy is sitting with a freak like her, class ends, and everyone starts talking about Damen Auguste. Because you know, he’s just hot. And stuff. You know the drill.
“He’s like combustible!”
What. The. Fuck. One example of brilliant dialogue in modern novels, ladies and gents. Do people really think this is good writing? What would authors of years gone by think of this standard of literature?
Oh yeah, other new character: Miles. Gay guy. Baby face. Totally into Damen from the second that he walked into class. I’ve kinda stopped being surprised, at this point. This is the first YA novel I’ve really sat down and examined, and I’m trying not to draw parallels with others I’ve read before. Also, is there always supposed to be a token gay guy? Just wondering. Because there is one in the House of Night series.
So Haven and Miles are gushing about how ridiculously good-looking Damen is because we don’t know much else about him so there’s not really anything else to gush about. Which is not necessarily a bad thing…
Also, they keep pestering Ever, asking her why she hasn’t looked at him yet; when this thought crosses her mind.
My only friends. And I feel like I am keeping enough secrets already.
This, to me, summarises the big relationship problem YA heroines have with their ‘friends’ (think Clary from City of Bones). Of course, their friends are also horribly characterised if at all, but the thing is they just don’t seem to matter when the Hot Guy shows up. They’re thrust to the side so we can read all about how inhumanly (pun intended) attractive and beautiful the Love Interest is. They don’t matter, which is a damn shame. What’s funny is that sometimes, the minor characters are better written than the main protagonists.
Anyway, she assuages their concerns by saying that she sat next to Damen in English class. Haven’s response?
“Oh that must have been awful for you that must’ve really sucked.”
This is one of the most ridiculous sentences I’ve ever read in my life. Isn’t it supposed to have a break in between? It sounds like two sentences written as one mutated monstrous sentence. Ew.
Oh yeah, famous classic literature must be mentioned somehow. The heroine is no dumbshit. Oh wait.
I love classic literature. I really do. But just mentioning it for the sake of having a classic in your own novel so that readers will think that the heroine/author insert is really awesomesmartsuperspecial is not going to work.
Aaand here come the compliments. Ever Bloom’s description, by Haven:
“Well thank you for that,” she mumbles, breaking her vanilla cupcake in half. “The last thing I need is competition from the blond goddess.”
I understand friends will compliment each other at times (my best friend calls me adorable almost everyday) but you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Blond goddess? Really? REALLY?! Tell me your thoughts on this in the comments, guys. I really want to know what you think of this. So far, it’s the most WTF line I’ve read in this book. Oh yeah, shoutout to Pryotra for cluing me into the whole drinking game thing. One shot of Qoo, down the hatch.
I cringe and gaze down at the table. I get embarrassed when people say things like that.
The Sue shows her true colors.
Modesty, check. Another shot, since she’s now a blatant Mary Sue. It doesn’t get that much more obvious. People call you beautiful and you look down and cringe. By the way, I don’t thing cringe means what Noël thinks it means.
Another WTF line rears its ugly head when Haven and Miles argue about Damen’s sexuality. Haven is sure that Damen is straight.
“Gaydar,” she says, tapping her forehead. “And trust me, this guy does not register.”
Yup, this calls for more Qoo. At this point, I’m praying for the chapter to be over.
random scene break
Uh, don’t know what just happened, but apparently we are now in the parking lot with Ever and Miles, who is now ranting at Ever to open her eyes and look at Damen. What follows is the most disgusting, predatory character description I’ve read since Twilight. I’ll include the whole paragraph for your viewing pain.
And what I see leaves me unable to speak, blink, or move. And even though Miles starts waving at me, glaring at me, and basically giving me every signal he can think of to abort the mission and return to headquarters, I can’t. I mean, I’d like to, because I know I’m acting like the freak everyone’s already convinced that I am, but it’s completely impossible. And it’s not just because Damen is undeniably beautiful, with his shiny dark hair that hits just shy of his shoulders and curves around his high sculpted cheekbones, but when he looks at me, when he lifts his dark sunglasses and meets my gaze, I see that his almond shaped eyes are deep, dark, and strangely familiar, framed by lashes so lush they almost seem fake. And his lips! His lips are ripe and inviting with a perfect Cupid’s bow. And the body that holds it all up is long, lean, tight, and clad in all black.
I’m sorry, I just turned away for a couple of moments with my face in my hands. Undeniably beautiful? Sounds more than odd. AND HIS LIPS! God, it sounds like Noël was in the middle of an orgasm when she wrote this shit. I’m praying harder guys, pray with me.
And after that, she notices that the guy has no aura (explained in the color chart I posted above)… when:
random scene break
We are now at the hospital. How did that happen? I don’t know. So let’s continue.
Ever asks the nurse why she’s all pink, the nurse thinks she’s cuckoo so she gets the doctor and then we get a description of eye exams and how Ever is visited by Riley (dead sister). But the thing that really pisses me off is how nonchalant she is about all this supernatural crap and then jizzes her pants when a hot guy shows up. FFS woman, think with your brain! Anywhere below the waist is not meant for cognitive function.
The part where Riley shows up could have been expanded on and become really really really interesting, so it becomes a matter of what the author was thinking when she decided to gloss over that in favour of writing paragraphs and paragraphs about how hot some aura-less guy is.
Long story short, Damen asks for Ever’s copy of Wuthering Heights, Ever gives it to him and then Damen drives away. Oh yes, before I end this, I’d like to say that the dialogue in this thing is really horrendous. For example:
“But when I said you’d freak out when you saw him, it wasn’t a suggestion, it wasn’t supposed to be taken literally. Seriously Ever, what happened back there? Because that was some mega tense awkwardness, a real Hello, my name is Ever and I’ll be your next stalker kind, of moment. I’m so serious, I thought we were gonna have to resuscitate you. And believe me, you are extremely lucky our good friend Haven was not here to see that, because I hate to remind you, but she did call dibs …”
I’m not sure who talks like this. Do you know anybody who talks like this? Because this sounds exactly like the dialogue that pops up every now and then in the ‘honorable mentions’ lists of sucky YA paranormal romance books. I swear, I’ll give up reading YA if the majority is written like this. But it won’t be too much of a big loss, since I didn’t read YA much before this anyway.
I mean, how can I explain how ever since the accident, the only people whose thoughts I can’t hear, whose lives I can’t know, and whose auras I can’t see, are already dead?
With that, the chapter ends. I’ll see you next time, guys. Thanks for reading!