So I am back with another chapter. I know it’s been a while, but my life has been incredibly busy since the last installment. Enough excuses though, let’s go! I’m really fired up for this chapter since it’s been a while since I sporked. I think this will be a rage-filled one, just to keep all my readers happy! That said, I hope you guys are enjoying this sporking as much as I enjoy ripping Noël’s book to shreds.

This chapter continues from the end of Ever’s encounter with Ava the Psychic. Once more, Ever demonstrated that she was an idiot of unimaginable proportions and Ava was just there to be introduced and shut down. I literally don’t know why Noël had kept writing here. This shit has made my brain go numb.

That night, long after the party had ended and all of our guests were gone, I was lying in bed, thinking about Ava, what she said about Riley being stuck, and how I was to blame.

I still don’t understand where this misplaced sense of self-pity seems to arise from. It makes no sense whatsoever. Ever’s parents died in a car crash and she survived. I’ve heard of ‘survivor guilt’ but this is fucking ridiculous! She did nothing to cause the accident (at least, nothing was mentioned in the book so I am just assuming that she didn’t sabotage the car in some way to make it crash and leave her alive which would make her a murderous psychopath), ergo: she should not feel that she caused this problem.

We all know why she’s rambling on like this. It’s a pity party and we’re all expected to feel bad for Ever. Aww, poor baby. NO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP RIGHT THIS FUCKING MOMENT. I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT AND I’VE STILL GOT 204 FUCKING PAGES LEFT SO JUST CUT THE SHIT, OKAY?!

This horrible gift is what I deserve for all the harm that I’ve caused, for the lives I cut short. And now I just have to live with it and try not to harm anyone else.

THAT’S THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

sigh

Moving on.

And even though I know Ava’s only trying to help, offering to stand in as some sort of psychic big sister, what she doesn’t realize is that I don’t want any help.

Why? Why on earth would you not want help? What kind of sense does that make? You’re psychologically traumatised and someone has offered their help for free, no charge, and you still don’t accept? Ava seems like a sensible adult who knows what she’s doing. She’s offering to help you get your shit together and like a dumbshit you refuse. Right. Because that’s logical.

When I finally did fall asleep, I dreamt of Damen. And everything about it felt so powerful, so intense, so urgent, I thought it was real.

Wake up, idiot. He’s not who you should be thinking about now. But at this point, who’s suprised. Who else would she dream about? This makes the paragraph of snivelling self-pity seem completely worthless. You’re just drooling over emotionless man-candy now.

Boring conversation between Ever and Riley. Ever refuses to accept that Damen is her boyfriend (WHO ELSE COULD HE POSSIBLY BE?!) while Riley continues with the steady stream of not-so-clever replies. I hate this piece of shit that tries to pass itself off as a book.

Riley describes someone called Heather Watson (someone who isn’t important and who we don’t need to know about) as:

She’s kind of a, well, you know, a B with an itch,

Well, you’re kind of an i with a pinch of diot.

One of the many things I hate about this book is that passages in the narrative where Ever goes places or when she sees something of actual importance are thrown to the side in favour of mindless chatter and gossip. The dialogue has started to resemble white noise. Huge walls of absolute bullshit speech just go by and there’s nothing of value in them at all. But when Heather Watson starts making out with Brandon Idon’tgiveafuck, Ever’s simply rapt with attention.

“Seriously?” I gape. “Heather Watson? You’re joking.” I try to picture it in my mind, but it doesn’t add up.

WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HEATHER WATSON AND WHY DO WE CARE?!

WAIT, WE DON’T.

Ever drives to Miles’s place. She gets there and he asks her for every single detail.

Miles looks at me and shakes his head. “Hel-lo? Damen? I heard you guys were taking in the moonlight, making out by the pool, hooking up under the moon’s silvery.”

MOON’S SILVERY WHAT?! FINISH YOUR FUCKING SENTENCE!

“Listen, word’s out so don’t even try to deny it. And I would’ve called you yesterday but my dad confiscated my phone and dragged me to the batting cages, so he could watch me swing like a girl.”

I swear to God, it’s like Noël is beating me to within an inch of my life, screaming into my face: “DO YOU KNOW HE’S GAY?! WELL HE’S GAY, OKAY! JUST LETTING YOU KNOW!” I picture this scenario every single time that there’s an unnecessary mention of Miles’s sexuality. Each word is punctuated with a smack as she whacks me with the book. Not a fun situation to be in, guys.

So a bunch of unnecessary angsting by Ever, Miles is gay, and la-di-da.

Another random paragraph break and we’re at school. Damen’s not there, and Ever thinks:

Which, of course, makes me think about him even that much more, until I’m teetering on the edge of obsession.

This is horrifying. What has this person done to you to drive you to obsession? I’m sitting here shaking my head in wonderment. Damen has been a less-than-one-dimensional character throughout this book and has literally done nothing but stand around and look good. WHAT THE FUCK HAS HE DONE?! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WORTH THINKING ABOUT, THAT’S FOR SURE!

So she keeps angsting about how she’s worthless and shit (this book would put an emo to shame) and then Damen bursts through the doors of the classroom with Stacia. They’re smiling and laughing and whatever, nothing of consequence.

Damen goes to Ever’s table, and Ever’s sitting there shaking like a leaf. She drops her pen on the ground, picks it up and by the time she does there’s a red tulip on the table. What does this mean? Ever doesn’t know and Hell if I know either.

Another random paragraph break and we’re now joining Ever, Miles and Haven at the cafeteria. This shit reads like the script to the world’s most boring teen soap opera.

So there’s some dialogue (nobody gives a fuck about it which is why I mostly skip over it now) when Ever notices:

But when I finally do look at her, I’m startled to see how her usual yellow contacts have been swapped for a brand-new green.

A green so familiar it robs me of breath.

Well. We find out that it’s exactly the same shade of green as Drina’s eyes. The description continues and we find out that almost every part of Haven has now started to resemble Drina. Is this significant? You betcha! Will it be handled in a well-written and appropriate manner? Haha. No. Likely not.

Haven and Ever make up as friends, since Haven has suddenly done a complete about-face and does not care whether Ever and Damen have ‘hooked up’ or not.

That’s strange. Something’s not right here, but I can’t put my finger on it…

Anyway, the chapter ends with Ever searching the cafeteria for Damen and finding out he’s not there. Wow. Am I supposed to feel something here?

Honestly, the book is so dull now it’s making me do this:

I don’t know, guys. I just don’t know. There’s no hope for the book to redeem itself and to top it all off THERE’S A WHOLE FUCKING SERIES BASED ON THESE ASSHOLES!

deep sigh of regret and misery

Take care, and I’ll see you in the next chapter.

Comment

  1. The Smith of Lie on 2 November 2014, 04:15 said:

    We know exactly two things about Heather Watson. (Three if you count the headcanon about her having cousin Emma, who is an actress.) A) She’s a bitch. B) She hooked up with some boy. And that is enough to make her more interesting character than Ever.

  2. Juracan on 2 November 2014, 16:02 said:

    WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HEATHER WATSON AND WHY DO WE CARE?!

    I have an idea: the commenters come up with backstories for Heather Watson. Like Smith says it’s Emma Watson’s cousin, while I personally will hypothesize (with no evidence whatsoever) that she’s a young warlock on the run from the White Council.

    What? It’d make the story more interesting.

    There’s no hope for the book to redeem itself and to top it all off THERE’S A WHOLE FUCKING SERIES BASED ON THESE ASSHOLES!

    I… how does that even happen? Does a plot spontaneously appear?

  3. mineralica on 3 November 2014, 05:37 said:

    Seconding the question about plot – was there anything besides wangst?

    About Heather – i’d say she’s an immigrant from Silent Hill, signifying the arrival of bigger things with cleavers which would treat main cast as they deserve.

  4. The Smith of Lie on 3 November 2014, 06:22 said:

    I… how does that even happen? Does a plot spontaneously appear?

    Judging by what we’ve seen so far, there’s better chance that sword wielding Clancy Brown will appear to part the cast with their heads. Man can dream…

    As for Heather’s backstory – I vote for her being a victim of a car accident, that left her the only survivor. Her parents and little brother died, while she developed psychic powers. She lives with her impoverished uncle and is visited every night by the ghost of her dead brother Timmy.

    Heather uses her power of reding minds and seeing auras for personal gain, but also to help people resolve their problems. Thanks to deep understanding of other people thoughts and emotions she is sort of an amateur psychotherapist and is indeed interested in pursuing that career.

    Ever’s opinion that Heather is a bitch comes from the fact that Heather is well adjusted and decently liked by most of her peers and from Heather’s penchant for snark. But that is only a way of coping with awarness of other’s inner thoughts, sarcasm and deadpan humor help her deal with contrast between what people say and what they think and there is no real malice behind it.

  5. swenson on 3 November 2014, 11:07 said:

    “Heather” is actually dead. You see, Ever had a psychotic breakdown and murdered this other student out of jealousy, Heather Watson. Ever since, Ever has been having recurring hallucinations in which she talks to Heather Watson, hears stories about Heather Watson, sees Heather Watson doing things, etc. Her guilt and confusion over the murder only contribute to her further slide down the slippery slope away from sanity, as evidenced by Ever’s hallucinations of her dead sister, her beliefs that she’s psychic, and her illogical and inconsistent actions.

    Actually, forget that. The whole story’s a hallucination. Ever’s actually in a mental hospital, completely out of her gourd and hallucinating all of this. Miles, Damen, Ava, none of them actually exist.

  6. Epke on 3 November 2014, 12:59 said:

    Actually, forget that. The whole story’s a hallucination. Ever’s actually in a mental hospital, completely out of her gourd and hallucinating all of this. Miles, Damen, Ava, none of them actually exist.

    Or is she actually psychic and can see auras, but Drina has the power to make people think they’re insane, so Ever, every now and then, wakes up in a mental hospital and thinks she has imagined all of it, and each and every time, she has to choose if she wants to stay in reality a) with Damen and the rest and in the back of her head, always wonder if it’s all imagined, or reality b) stay in the mental hospital and hope to get better and reunite with her living family, but not knowing if it’s real or not. Further, Heather Watson is actually Ever’s name in Reality B, and is in the hospital, wanting to get better, while Ever is her other self that’s living a nightmare/dream.

    And in the hands of a better author, we (the readers) wouldn’t know which was true either.

  7. Scarlet Specter on 3 November 2014, 14:59 said:

    Heather, Ava, and Drina are part of a secret club of psychics. They’ve been tailing Ever with the hopes of inducting her into the club which also doubles as a safe-haven for survivors of supernatural maladies. However things are complicated when Damen arrives. See, Damen is part of a rival order that’s bent on gathering government secrets so that they can sell information to blackmailers and corrupt leaders. They do this by preying on burgeoning young psychics; first by convincing them to join their group and then (if they’re unwilling) torturing them until they’re mindless puppets. Then, under the guise of innocent servants, they’re placed in enemy locations as living recorders, transferring the thoughts of the order’s enemies into a psychic network where the order always has access.

    All this time, Ava and Drina would have been trying to warn Ever of the danger she’s in from Damen and this order. Heather would be a former recorder turned mole who has the power to plant and reject thoughts into people’s minds. Now she’s covertly using her powers to protect Ever from Damen’s equally strong influences (that’s why Ever keeps yo-yoing back and forth between being in love and feeling rejecting) all while manipulating Damen into falling for other girls.

    …That’s all I got.

  8. TMary on 14 January 2017, 09:27 said:

    @Scarlet Specter: It’s been forever since you wrote that, but I love it. Turn that into a novel, please, it sounds twelve times better than this story.