Hello everyone! Sorry there hasn’t been an update in a while, I got distracted by other things. Like my guitar getting fixed. I’m not dead, don’t worry.

But let’s not worry about that! I’m here to entertain you guys! Let’s go!

So the last chapter ended like a bad fanfiction. Meaning, it sucked. But that’s a word I’d use to describe most of the book, so I’m not sure if it holds any power here. Get ready for purple prose though, because you know she’ll want to describe the entire thing in nauseating detail.

If I thought his voice was amazing with the way it envelopes me in silence, if I thought his touch was incredible with the way it awakens my skin, well, the way he kisses is otherworldly. And even though I’m no expert, having only kissed a few guys before, I’m still willing to bet that a kiss like this, a kiss this complete and transcendent, is a once-in- a-lifetime thing.

You know, guys, there’s been criticism of others sporking books like this since some people feel that fluffy, escapist books like these are normal and shouldn’t be bashed just because the authors are female and they think and feel differently to male authors. But the point has been missed here. It’s not that I dislike women authors; I dislike idiotic literature. Idiotic literature with unreasonably perfect characters and unnecessary ‘details’ that are not relevant to the plot of the book. We used to write because we had something meaningful to say. Nowadays, it seems like we write just because we have to say something (yes, I paraphrased Plato, sue me. No wait, don’t). It’s true! I don’t want to be seen here as painting the whole YA genre with the same brush, but a lot of it, from what I’ve seen, seems like bottom-of-the-barrel-, shallow, cheap reading.

But enough of my ranting.

And when he pulls away and gazes into my eyes, I close mine again, grab his lapels, and bring him back to me.

Until Haven says, ‘Jeez, I’ve been looking all over for you. I should’ve known you’d be hiding out here.”

The setting is really not described at all, so this whole sequence of events seems really dream-like. That’s probably not what the author was going for. You know how in dreams, things just seem to happen in a non-logical order and you’re not very sure what the fuck is going on? Yeah, that’s this book in a nutshell. Haven just appears. Out of absolutely nowhere. By the way, where the fuck is Ava the psychic? I thought she was supposed to be important.

Also, Haven says she’s leaving.

She raises her hand to stop me. “Please. Spare me the details. I just wanted you to know that Evangeline and I are taking off.”

Out of this book? That would make my day.

Yeah, my friend Drina stopped by, she’s taking us to another party.

At the mention of Drina, however…

“Drina?” Damen says, standing so fast his whole body blurs.

You know, there’s not much movement involved in standing up. Certainly not enough to warrant blurring. I recommend seeing a physician for this.

The search for Drina literally ends in less than two paragraphs. Really. They just rush dramatically ‘through the house’ while Ever stares at the back of Damen’s head and all of a sudden, Drina’s just there. Boom. Also, she’s dressed as Marie Antoinette. Coincidentally, Ever’s also dressed as Marie Antoinette. I sense some sort of a pissy confrontation coming.

‘And you must be … “ She lifts her chin as her eyes land on mine, two glowing spheres of deep emerald green.

Glowing spheres of emerald green? Really? Not eyes? Well, at least they’ll be useful when your car headlights break.

“Ever,” I mumble, taking in the pale blond wig, the creamy flawless skin, the tangle of pearls at her throat, watching as her perfect pink lips display teeth so white they hardly seem real.

This is the villain and everybody fucking knows it already. Way to foreshadow, Noël. Well done.

I turn to Damen, hoping he can explain, provide some logical explanation for how the redhead from the St. Regis ended up in my foyer. But he’s too busy gazing at her to even notice my existence.

Why does everybody in this book gaze? I am getting sick and tired of it. It’s like Noël’s afflicted with the antithesis of thesaurus abuse; she uses the same word every fucking time. THERE ARE OTHER WORDS. USE THEM.

“How do you know each other?” I ask, noting how Damen’s entire demeanor has changed, suddenly growing chilly, cold, and distant, a dark cloud where the sun used to be.

So there is now a cloud floating 93 million miles away where there should be an incredibly large sphere of burning gas. Right. Something tells me that this was not thought through. Also, the commas do nothing to endear me to this sentence.

It turns out that Drina was invited by Haven to Ever’s party. The mechanics of this social gathering make no sense to me. Why would you let other people invite other other people that you don’t even know to your own party? What kind of sense does that make?

I narrow my eyes, ignoring the twitch in my heart, the pang in my gut, as I struggle to get some kind of read. But her thoughts are inaccessible, sealed off completely, and her aura nonexistent.

Why was this not handled the same way as it was when Ever found out that Damen had no aura? Is it because she’s the antagonist? Is it because she’s of the same gender that Ever is? None of these are good reasons for focusing more on Drina’s lack of aura and then treating Damen like a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

“Isn’t she the coolest?” Haven says, gazing at Drina with the sort of awe she usually reserves for vampires, Goth rockers, and Damen.

Haven is such a fucking poser.

“We really need to go if we’re going to make it to Nocturne by midnight,” Evangeline says.

Get the fuck out of here, all of you. The book will benefit, no doubt about that.

Damen’s a player. Pure and simple. Tonight just happened to be my turn.

You know, if Ever was characterised right (Damen would have been a dick anyhow so no need to worry about him) I would be totally sympathetic to this kind of betrayal. Except… through the course of reading this book I have never established an emotional connection with any character here. Not even once. And to add, this hardly seems like a betrayal anyway. I’ve read through the entire passage a few times and I saw no real reason for Ever to be so lucid and out of character here as it never sounded like Damen had any feelings for Drina whatsoever.

So she sits by the steps all depressed. Derp di derp.

Knowing I never should’ve allowed him to kiss me, never should’ve invited him in.

No worries. You’re a special kind of stupid, so all we can do is flip the pages and wait for this to magically resolve itself with the powers of bad writing.

“There you are!” Sabine says, grabbing hold of my arm and pulling me to my feet. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Ava agreed to stay just long enough to give you a reading.”

That is literally the next sentence. Sabine appears out of nowhere. This alone should give you an insight to how the rest of the book is written. But I am so happy that Ava is finally doing something.

You don’t have to hide under a hood, killing your eardrums with music you don’t even like. There are ways to handle it, and I’d be happy to show you because, Ever, you don’t have to live like that.

sigh Oh god, another pseudo-realistic character that doesn’t worship the ground Ever walks on and doesn’t seem to have her head stuck up her ass. You just know she won’t be handled well.

Ever refuses.

Why am I not fucking surprised.

The chapter ends here. Another disappointing result from Noël.

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Comment

  1. lilyWhite on 19 August 2014, 12:56 said:

    If I thought his voice was amazing with the way it envelopes me in silence

    A sound enveloping you in silence?

    This may be one of the dumbest lines I’ve ever read.

  2. The Smith of Lie on 19 August 2014, 15:25 said:

    two glowing spheres of deep emerald green.

    Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the Eye of Argon!

    That is literally the next sentence. Sabine appears out of nowhere.

    Ah. She must be one of the ninja lawyers. I always wanted to be one of those. Not only you learn the most deadly and forbidden arts, not only are you a perfect killing machine armed with arcane and terrible knowledge, but also a ninja!

    You don’t have to hide under a hood, killing your eardrums with music you don’t even like. There are ways to handle it, and I’d be happy to show you because, Ever, you don’t have to live like that.

    sigh Oh god, another pseudo-realistic character that doesn’t worship the ground Ever walks on and doesn’t seem to have her head stuck up her ass. You just know she won’t be handled well.

    Ever refuses.

    You guys remember the spitefic I wrote few chapters ago? The one where she meets another one of their kind, but nothing comes of it cause Ever prefers to wallow in self-pity? Now it looks as I am a psychic!

  3. Epke on 19 August 2014, 17:32 said:

    If I thought his voice was amazing with the way it envelopes me in silence

    Ah, so it’s made from octiron which produces anti-sound? I love crossovers.

    ‘And you must be … “ She lifts her chin as her eyes land on mine, two glowing spheres of deep emerald green.

    Two eyeballs just landed on Ever’s face? Gross.

    What’s with Noël and commas? It’s like ELJ and ellipses or SMeyer and “perfect”.

  4. The Smith of Lie on 20 August 2014, 04:04 said:

    Ah, so it’s made from octiron which produces anti-sound? I love crossovers.

    I was rather leaning towards…

    And in the naked light I saw
    Ten thousand people, maybe more.
    People talking without speaking,
    People hearing without listening,
    People writing songs that voices never share
    And no one dared
    Disturb the sound of silence.

  5. Castor on 20 August 2014, 23:06 said:

    So does this book have a plot? I’ve been following the spork from the beginning and I honestly can’t find one.

  6. Potatoman on 21 August 2014, 01:49 said:

    So does this book have a plot? I’ve been following the spork from the beginning and I honestly can’t find one.

    You and me both, friend.

  7. swenson on 21 August 2014, 13:46 said:

    I was going to complain that it doesn’t have a plot, it just has a series of mostly unrelated things that happen, but it barely even has that.

  8. Juracan on 21 August 2014, 14:19 said:

    Sabine appears out of nowhere.

    Sabine?

    That would explain how she appears out of nowhere, wouldn’t it?

    But yeah, like everyone else is saying, it doesn’t look like a plot. There are authors who can take a bunch of seemingly unrelated events and eventually tie them together, just so at the end we can look back and say, “Ohhhh, that’s how it fit together!”

    I have a feeling we won’t be doing that with this book.

  9. Karataratakus on 15 September 2014, 17:51 said:

    Oh ho ho, I’m afraid if you’re waiting for a plot in Evermore you’ll be waiting for a long time. I did a condensed review and a chapter-by-chapter commentary (though not as in depth as this one) about a year ago, so I know what I’m talking about.

    If one can be said to ‘know’ anything ever again after reading Evermore. Trust me, you have yet to discover the true mind-boggling absurdity contained within its pages. Mua ha ha ha ha!

  10. Stumbled Upon This On Accident on 26 September 2014, 04:54 said:

    Is this you, Potatoman?

    http://superowlman.blogspot.com/

    Because if it isn’t, then I think this person copy and pasted your sporkings.

  11. Potatoman on 26 September 2014, 06:09 said:

    Is this you, Potatoman?

    Yes, it is me. That’s the link to my blog, where I spork this.