Hello everybody, and welcome to my sporking of Alyson Noël’s bestselling novel, Evermore. As far as I know, this book is the first in a series called The Immortals, which sounds pretty decent as far as urban fantasy goes. This is a YA novel though, and I’ve had bad experiences with YA prior to reading this book. So please excuse me if I rage a little. This is only going to be a spork of the excerpt since I am currently not in the possession of the actual novel yet (thank God for small miracles), but from the reviews I’ve read on Amazon and from what you guys have told me… this is not going to be pretty. Vapid romance, flat characters, teenage angst; the list goes on. The biggest offender for me in YA novels is the tone; they just sound so whiny and full of themselves and don’t give a shit about other people except for the shiny Love Interest. It makes for a boring read. Also, most of these books are written in a very annoying first-person viewpoint. There are very rare cases when it’s done well. Most YA novels are not.
I haven’t read this book before, and I’m putting my thoughts down on the paper while reading the excerpt. My rage will be freshly captured, so to speak. If it’s really as bad as everybody says it is, my holiday just got a hell of a lot more fun. Everybody ready? Hold on to your hats, ‘cause here we go!
The description from Amazon.com is fairly straightforward:
Don’t miss the first book in Alyson Noël’s #1 New York Times bestselling The Immortals series. Enter an enchanting new world where true love never dies…
I’m always wary when people say ‘true love’ nowadays. Especially with regards to YA paranormal romance novels. If there’s one phrase that teenagers should NEVER attempt to say and mean it at the same time, it’s ‘true love’. Unless you have common sense, of course. Then again, I’ve never been in love with either a human or a humanoid fictional creature, so don’t take my word for it.
After a horrible accident claimed the lives of her family, sixteen-year-old Ever Bloom can see people’s auras, hear their thoughts, and know someone’s entire life story by touching them. Going out of her way to avoid human contact and suppress her abilities, she has been branded a freak at her new high school—but everything changes when she meets Damen Auguste.
So her family died in a horrible accident and she gains psychic powers. Sweet. She dislikes human contact (she’ll do a complete 180 once the Love Interest shows up) and is called a freak at school. Even better. Good to know she isn’t fawned over by everybody in school like they did to Bella Swan.
Damen is gorgeous, exotic and wealthy. He’s the only one who can silence the noise and random energy in her head—wielding a magic so intense, it’s as though he can peer straight into her soul.
See, now that’s the thing. Here’s a laundry list of everything you should have in a YA male Love Interest. Make sure he’s SUPERULTRAMEGA handsome, wealthy (you can’t fall in love with a poor man, now can you?) and exotic. I really don’t know what the fuck exotic means in this context. Is he fair? Tanned? Amazonian? From Mars? Heaven help us, is he sparkly? Clarify the statement! Too many authors tell me that their characters are exotic without really proving it. To me, Damen’s just another shiny white guy in a badly written Twilight knock-off. Plus, he’s super-speshul since he’s the only one that can fix the heroine’s problems. facepalm Why don’t you fix your own goddamn problems instead of lying around the book like a doormat, Ever Bloom?!
As Ever is drawn deeper into his enticing world of secrets and mystery, she’s left with more questions than answers. And she has no idea just who he really is—or what he is. The only thing she knows to be true is that she’s falling deeply and helplessly in love with him.
Oh come on! For goodness’ sake, you’re only sixteen! You have no idea what love means right now! It’s just hormones, they’ll wear off eventually (not in these novels, though). This is another example of what I really hate. These girls are just there to be paired with some ridiculously good-looking guy and bam. That’s it. End of story. What I’m expecting here is for the plot to drunkenly stumble in within the last 40-50 pages or so and messily wrap everything up through infodumps or dialogue (monologuing might be more plausible, actually).
But enough about that. Let’s get going.
Before the actual novel begins, we’re presented with an ‘Aura Color Chart’. I don’t know what the hell this is supposed to mean, but it’s probably going to be mentioned in the story sometime. We have a bunch of colors, and what sound like personality descriptions next to them. I’ll show you a few.
Orange: Self-control, ambition, courage, thoughtfulness, lack of will, apathetic.
Yellow: Optimistic, happy, intellectual, friendly, indecisive, easily led
Green: Peaceful, healing, compassion, deceitfulness, jealous
Blue: Spiritual, loyal, creative, sensitive, kind, moody
Violet: Highly spiritual, wisdom, intuition.
Now you see the kind of schtick I’m working with here. It’s all pretty standard really, everything you’d expect a color’s connotation to be. But there is a contradicting pair of descriptions in one color… can you spot them?
Anyway, after the color chart comes the actual chapter. This is not going to be fun.