Welcome back, my friends, to the show that just won’t end. As you’ll no doubt remember from last time, Clary and Jace (after encountering a less-than-hospitable welcome at Clary’s apartment) ran into the amazing and wonderful Madame Dorothea. Why is she so amazing and wonderful? Well, read on and find out.
The chapter begins with a description of Mme. Dorothea’s apartment in excruciating detail – in short, it’s a hodge-podge mix of stereotypical occult-ish stuff, from palm reading to astrology to some Chinese stuff that doesn’t get explained. Clary gets drawn in by a poster for the aforementioned palm reading. Dorothea pokes her head through a bead curtain (really) and asks if Clary’s actually interested or is just being nosy. Clary lies and says she’s neither, and asks if Mme. D can actually read fortunes.
Dorothea talks a bit about how her mom was really good at that sort of thing, from palm reading to tea leaves, and she learned quite a bit from her. Then, being surprisingly gracious, Mme. Dorothea offers Clary and Jace tea. Clary accepts on the grounds that, “She felt as if she’d been running on pure adrenaline since she woke up.”
Clary, apart from the last five minutes, you’re day hasn’t exactly been pulse-pounding. Yeah, it’s been rough, but not nearly as bad as that. Plus, you’re the one who hasn’t had anything to eat yet.
Anyway, Jace also accepts the offer, so long as it isn’t Earl Grey, because he doesn’t like bergamot.
I’m momentarily impressed by this, until Clary decides to comment on it, because it’s just soo amazing that Jace knows that bergamot is in Earl Grey tea, because she’s never met a guy who knows that. I’d assuming it’s because either she doesn’t know many tea-drinkers, or doesn’t know many guys.
What makes it worse is Jace’s response – “I’m not like other guys.”
Yeah, most guys don’t have a kill count, either. That not necessarily a good thing.
He then goes on to say that they’re required to learn basic medical properties of various plants. How this applies to bergamot, I don’t know. Anyone know the answer?
Clary then tries to make a funny comment about what kind of classes Jace might take, and fails miserably at it. Jace responds condescendingly, and refers to her as “Fray.”
This sets her off, because it reminds her of Simon. You remember Simon, right? Clary’s alleged best friend, who she left sitting in that coffee house back in chapter 3? And who she has not thought of, let alone attempted to contact since?
She feels bad for about two seconds, but doesn’t do anything about it, much like a certain other female YA protagonist. Yeah, some friend you are, Clary.
Meanwhile, Jace goes back to being a general asshole. He’s been looking through Dorothea’s books, and declares them all worthless. Clary tries to counter with the idea that Mme. D might use magic different from what he uses, which sets him off on yet another poorly thought out argument:
He scowled furiously, silencing her. “I do not do magic,” he said. “Get it through your head: Human beings are not magic users. It’s part of what makes them human. Witches and warlocks can only use magic because they have demon blood.”
Clary took a moment to process this. “But I’ve seen you use magic. You use enchanted weapons-”
“I use tools that are magical. And just to be able to do that, I have to undergo rigorous training.”
Plot Hole: 3
1) Further world building issues. So Shadowhunters can use magical instruments to make magical things, but they can’t do magic themselves. But where do they get the magical tools from? And again, if runes aren’t magic, then what are they?
2) Are Shadowhunters human or not? They were human once, but not anymore, and yet they treat regular humans like crap.
3) I thought demons were just beings from other dimensions. So, how does having demonic ancestry allow one to do magic? And I thought demons were just beings from another dimension – what does that have to do with using magic in the first place?
AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!
In short – world building is important. Don’t just throw a bunch of ‘cool’ ideas into a blender and hit puree.
Moving on, Clary brings up the possibility of her becoming a Shadowhunter, Jace makes some big talk about how hard it is (yeah, right), and CC tries to be funny by making an eBay joke. The key word there is “tries”.
Also, this:
“Most myths are true, at least in part.”
“I’m starting to get that.”
Yeah, right. I’ll let Pryotra elaborate on that issue.
Mme. D come back and asks why they’re standing around in her front room, and invites them into the parlor. Clary is puzzled that such a place might exist, Jace makes a lame joke,
Rapier Twit: 1
And Dorothea makes one of the best comments in the entire book, if not the series:
“If you were half as funny as you thought you were, my boy, you’d be twice as funny as you are.”
Dear God, it’s beautiful. I wish Dorothea were around more. The fact that Jace is utterly baffled by this just makes it even better.
The parlor is decked out in the most stereotypical Gypsy Fortuneteller look this side of a Universal monster movie. They all sit down to have tea, served with cucumber sandwiches, and we get to learn even more about Jace – he doesn’t like cucumber.
Wasn’t there supposed to be a plot in here somewhere?
But instead of plot, we get more info dumping. Just what this book needed.
Mme. Dorothea says that, though she’s not a witch, her mother was. Jace says this is impossible, because witches/warlocks are human-demon hybrids, and thus sterile. Clary, for once, contributes something to the conversation, namely that mules are also sterile crossbreeds. For once, Jace and I agree on something – Clary’s comment was really stupid.
But there’s a problem with this – hybrids aren’t automatically sterile. They might be sterile with each other, but they can produce offspring with non-hybrids. To go with Clary’s example, female mules can be bred with donkeys or horses For another example, a female liger (make a Napoleon Dynamite joke and I will throat-punch you) “has been successfully bred with a lion.”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liger#Fertility
On top of that, there’s a long history of human crossbreeds not being sterile in fantasy fiction – see the proliferation of half-elves, half-orcs, and aasimars, tieflings, and gensi in pre-4th edition Dungeons & Dragons. So, why are warlocks entirely sterile?
The answer is: none.
Plot Hole: 4
Also, in this series vampirism and lycanthropy come from demonic diseases. Because why not.
There’s a bit of a dispute about faeries. Dorothea says that they’re fallen angels, while Jace favors the idea that they’re allegedly a crossing of demons and angels. Because that makes so much more sense. And, for some reason, despite faeries allegedly being crossbreeds, they aren’t sterile. Go figure.
Clary tries to ask whether or not angels actually exist (which would only further complicate this cosmology), but Mme. D jumps in to either A) cut the info-dumping short, or B) leave that ambiguous. I’d like to believe it’s A, but more likely it’s B.
So, yeah, turns out she was adopted, and he whole job it to “watch and guard.” She’s all mysterious about exactly what she’s guarding, though, because doing otherwise would be convenient. Dorothea then compliments Clary’s appetite, as the girl’s unintentionally eaten all the sandwiches, and disparages the fact that most girls are so damn skinny nowadays. Clary’s reaction is to remember how skinny Isabelle is, and feels fat.
This is a bit awkward and fanfic-y, because as we’ve already seen, CC isn’t exactly a skinny little stick-woman. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing (I’m not exactly tiny myself), but it doesn’t help the idea that Clary is CC’s self-insert. It’s not as bad as Stephenie Meyer’s treatment of blondes, but it’s still really out-of-place here.
Dorothea gets a bit weird when Clary finishes her tea, grabbing the girl’s cup without so much as asking for it. Not cool, lady. Clary is, once again, baffled by this, and Jace has to explain that Mme. D is reading her tea leaves. For some reason, Dorothea has some trouble reading Clary’s cup, and in a minor moment of awesomeness, grabs Jace’s cup to check his, ignoring his protests the whole time.
I’m okay with this, because Jace is a dick. Is that petty? Maybe.
Dorothea gives a vague prediction, because that’s the perfect way to differentiate this from the Harry Potter books. She sees violence (duh), lots of blood shead (again, duh), that Jace will fall in love with the wrong person (SUBTLE FORESHADOWING!!1!1!!), and that he has an enemy. Jace, like me, is surprised that it’s just the one. Then again, he probably kills any potential enemies before they have a chance to become a threat.
Satisfied that her third eye isn’t going blind, Mme. D returns to Clary’s cup, but still can’t make anything out. She then asks if Clary has a block in her mind – a spell that affects her memory and ability to see the supernatural.
No Shit Sherlock: 1
Clary immediately denies this.
Okay, Clary, I need you to think for a minute – you’re starting to see and remember things that you’ve never seen before, and that you’re constantly denying. Like, say, your mom’s scars. You’ve had outside observers mention them (namely, Simon), and you’ve just learned that there might be something affecting your ability to perceive these kinds of things.
And you deny it.
Our heroine everyone.
Also, quick question – how would a spell affecting someone’s mind have any influence over telling their fortune? You’re looking at what might/will happen, not doing a personality test.
Plot Hole: 5
Jace more or less says what I just did, and Clary gets defensive about it. Also, there’s a stupid sex/puberty joke.
Not one to give up, Dorothea decides to switch tactics – she has Clary blindly pull a card from her tarot deck. She pulls the Ace of Cups, which Dorothea says is, “The love card.”
Except that, like most tarot cards, there’s more to it than that – it’s really more about relationships in general. You’d think that an actual fortune teller would know that.
Or, more likely, CC didn’t do enough research.
Plot Hole: 6
Clary examines the card, noticing that it’s very detailed and hand-painted, and asks if it’s a good card. Dorothea says no, but it is important. She then asks what the card means to Clary, and apropos of nothing, Clary says that her mother painted the card. There’s no explanation of this, like that she recognizes the brushwork or something. No, she just knows.
Plot Hole: 7
Dorothea explains that Jocelyn painted the whole deck as a gift, and Jace goes all bad-cop on her, asking how well she knew Clary’s mom. Mme. D doesn’t cave, though, and says that they both knew each other’s big secrets, and that they helped each other out on occasion – Jocelyn made Dorothea a nice tarot deck, and Dorothea kept her ear to the ground for Jocelyn, listening for any news about Valentine.
And at the mere mention of Valentine’s name, Clary freaks, and Jace continues to push Dorothea for more info. Mme. D reveals what the audience has already figured out – Jocelyn was a Shadowhunter. And again, Clary denies this.
Jace, however, leaps on this, saying that Clary’s mom lived in this particular house because it’s a Sanctuary – a place where Downworlders can hide from the Clave. And he pretty much accuses Dorothea of hiding criminals. Dorothea doesn’t budge, though, and has Jace recite the Covenant’s motto.
“Sed lex, dura lex,” said Jace automatically. “The Law is hard, but it is the Law.”
Weird Word Choice: 2
Yes, I gave that a double shot. Here’s why:
*First, the correct phrase is “Dura lex sed lex.” I know Latin is one of those languages where word order isn’t as important (the upside of having a robust case system), but you still need to get it right.
*Second, because there’s that annoying capitalization of ‘law’. Don’t treat it like some sacred thing in-text if no one’s going to act like it’s that important.
Dorothea more or less gives the same argument that Roy Greenhilt gave to Miko Miyazaki, namely that following the law is kinda pointless if innocent people are going to be hurt because of it. Jace, much like Miko, doesn’t buy it, and threatens to tell the Clave about Dorothea.
This finally snaps Clary out of observation mode and tries to reason with Jace, but to no avail. He points to a random door that apparently doesn’t lead anywhere as proof. Dorothea explains that it’s the eponymous five-dimensional door. Why five dimensions? No idea. But it can take you anywhere, so that’s pretty handy if you need to make a quick getaway.
Clary wonders why her mom didn’t use the thing when she got attacked, and concludes that she was waiting for Clary to come home. Except that Jocelyn specifically told Clary not to come home, thus negating the whole reason for why she didn’t make a run for it in the first place.
Plot Hole: 8
Regardless, Clary decides that she wants to know where he mom would have run, and opens the door, completely disregarding warnings from both Jace and Mme. Dorothea.
And with that, the chapter ends.
A few quick thoughts before I go.
Clary continues to be of little use in the overall story, sitting back and observing while other characters do most of the work at best, or actively bumbling her way through this new world at worst.
Thinking about it, the comparison between Jace and Miko is more appropriate than I initially believed – they’re both zealous to an annoying degree, far too quick to resort to violence (or the threat thereof), and qualify as Tautological Templars – they are ‘good’, so any action they take is ‘good’. The only difference is that we’re not supposed to like Miko.
The chapter’s title is totally inappropriate, as the five-dimensional door doesn’t appear until the last page or so of the chapter.
The only real saving grace here is Madame Dorothea, who if nothing else was entertaining. Stereotypical bordering on offensive at times, but still entertaining. She offers a look into the other side of this world, showing that the Shadowhunters might not be as squeaky clean as they like to think they are.
And unfortunately, we won’t be seeing her for quite some time. Hope you enjoyed her while you had the chance.
So, what awaits our heroes on the other side of the five-dimensional door? You’ll find out next time, in Chapter 8 – Weapon of Choice.
Whenever I get around to sporking it. Remember when I put these things out almost once a week? Good times.
Counts
Weird Word Choice: 2 (Total 45)
Rapier Twit: 1 (Total 10)
No Shit Sherlock: 1 (Total 9)
Plot Hole: 8 (Total 38)
Juracan on 22 April 2013, 08:51 said:
I imagine (and I’m guessing here on a book I haven’t read) that they would get them from people who CAN do magic, but that doesn’t seem to make sense given that the way you’ve presented it, they tend to view magic the way we view nuclear power.
If Shadowhunters get power from angels (as I am also guessing based on what I’ve heard), that might have a distinct difference as “holy power” or something other than what is usually considered magic. That being said, from your sporkings there’s no clear presentation as to that distinction, so right now it just comes across as nitpicking on Jace’s part.
Are demons even… um… biologically compatible with human beings?
Here’s a thing that gets to me— how or why would angels breed with demons? It’s a bit early to be asking this, but I’m wondering if this is ever addressed.
Also, cookies for the Order of the Stick reference.
Apep on 22 April 2013, 09:54 said:
To my (admittedly limited) knowledge, it’s never explained. I’d accept it if they said that, for example, runes are a safer, but less powerful type of magic. Instead, we’re just told “runes aren’t magic,” and it’s left at that.
I’ve already ranted a bit about the way ‘demons’ are done in this series. If they can all be irredeemably evil without coming from Hell, why not be able to mate with creatures from another dimension.
Again, not to my knowledge. The faeries appear in the next book, but their origins aren’t addressed. Like so much else in this series, these questions are raised, but never addressed.
Yay, cookies!
Pryotra on 22 April 2013, 12:36 said:
I’d be more for the second one. Clare herself seems to be a little stereotypical in how she sees most guys. I know plenty of tea drinkers. Most don’t talk like Jace because they don’t want to sound like pretentious asses who are trying to impress someone with them superior knowledge. Also, it’s rude to say that you can’t stand a particular type. Just ask if she has a tea you like, jerk. It’s not that difficult.
Oh, you didn’t.
And you said myths. Tehe~ Ok, where’s Raven? Anansi? The Windigo? Kitsune? huli jing? Zeus? Quetzalcoatl? The pink dolphin? If “most myths are true” why are you making the Seelie Court evil and the Unseelie Court good when it’s clear from the stories that the Seelie Court was the group who wouldn’t kill you because they thought it was fun. For that matter, how can your fairies be the offspring of angels and demons if angels can’t reproduce, and where are the solitary and domestic fairies?
No, Clare. You can’t play that card with me. Stick to gushing over your sociopathic hero and be done with it.
Goes off to get a cup of tea
Isn’t she wonderful? I like to think that after this scene, she went off to fight crime in her own series.
That would require actual research on Clair’s part. I’m not an expert in tarot, but I’m pretty that the ace of cups could also mean companionship or a growth in your social life. Kind of like who the Ace of Spades can just mean change.
Let’s hope that summer is easier on you.
Great sporking, and I hope you get the chance to update soon!
swenson on 22 April 2013, 13:33 said:
At this point I would like to point out that most girls wouldn’t know that either, unless they drink tea. Which is not enormously common, at least not to the point that you could just assume any random girl might happen to drink it.
Bergamot doesn’t really have any important medicinal properties that I was able to find. It can be used to soothe skin, I guess, and is antiseptic, but plenty of things are.
I hate when writers do that. It’s such a mark of bad writing because it shows that they did realize someone’s actions didn’t make sense or appear sociopathic or whatever, but rather than actually fix the problem, they just wallpaper over it by having the protagonist briefly feel sad or whatever and then it’s never brought up again. So lazy.
Huh. That’s a really, really good point. Maybe they have to buy them from witches, etc.? There’s a Shadowhunter Mall down the street that they frequent, perhaps?
It would be clever if this were part of the effects of such a spell—even with all the evidence, her mind is still trying to block acceptance of these things from her consciousness. Rather than making her look stupid, it would make the reader realize she was still under this spell’s effects, and when it finally came undone (or she was able to work around it somehow), it could be quite interesting.
I’m willing to bet, however, that none of that actually happens; she denies it because it’s convenient for the story, not because of any spell or logic.
DOES HE CAST DETECT EVIL ON ANYONE? DOES HE HAVE A STUPID HORSE?
lilyWhite on 22 April 2013, 14:44 said:
That’s what the “at least in part” part is for: “Most myths are true in my story, but I’m allowing myself to take a dump on them whenever I want to.”
Apep on 22 April 2013, 15:01 said:
I knew if I left that dangling you’d bite.
Yeah, she teams up with the cops to deal with crimes committed by supernatural beings. Something like Dresden Files meets The Mentalist.
Neither am I. All that stuff was from wikipedia.
It should be. I shouldn’t be working, but I might get involved in a transfer-to-teaching program.
I wouldn’t be nearly as bothered by it if Clary just went, “You drink tea. Okay.” As is, it feels a lot like the piano scene from earlier – it’s only there to show how Jace is special in comparison to other boys, and how the reader should be swooning over him along with Clary.
But that would require forgetting that A) Jace kills things for a living, and B) enjoys his work immensely. Not exactly characteristics one looks for in a love interest.
That would be interesting. It would also make Clary an unreliable narrator, which is rarely a bad thing. As is, it just makes her look face-palmingly obtuse.
No. Though both might make him a more interesting character. How do you deal with having to kill something when you can know that it’s not evil? And the horse… well it’d show he cares for at least one living thing other than himself.
Pretty much. She could at least have included other European myths – have some trolls living under the Brooklyn bridge or something. It practically writes itself.
Tim on 22 April 2013, 15:25 said:
That strikes me as like saying “these people can’t shoot each other, they need to use guns, and it requires a lot of training just to do that.” It’s more pointless hair-splitting than worldbuilding.
You’d think she’d pull “The Lovers” if she was going for that, really.
Apep on 22 April 2013, 16:31 said:
Maybe, but I don’t have a “pointless hair-splitting” count. Plus, I don’t think the difference between runes and magic is ever explained. If Jace went “We don’t use that kind of magic,” I’d be okay with it. But instead it’s just “We don’t do magic.” Except they kinda do.
From what my wiki-fu tells me, “The Lovers” deals with an existing relationship, while the “Ace of Cups” is more about a relationship forming. So, hey, kudos to CC for at least getting that right.
Pryotra on 22 April 2013, 16:36 said:
More like “only the myths that I’ve seen on TV and read in my friend’s stories are true, and because I don’t know what I’m talking about, I think that they’re the only stories around, and I’ll still take a dump on them when I want.”
Grumple grumble
Isn’t wiki great? It makes the actions of writers like Clare even more lazy than they were in the past. Now she doesn’t have even the hint of an excuse.
I agree. It’s to make him some sophisticated and such while the other guys are supposed to be drooling idiots. I’ve seen it done a lot in YA lately. They give the guy a ‘deep’ trait like being an artist and then think that they’re being clever.
Tim on 22 April 2013, 17:04 said:
I think CC has this idea in her head that if you’re not directly manipulating the floaty essence itself then it doesn’t count, which is as daft as saying a water mill doesn’t use water power because only the wheel does that and the rest of the mill uses the power from the wheel.
By the definition being used here, almost nobody in fiction can actually use magic.
Yeah, but if you were going to call any Tarot card “the love card” it’d be The Lovers. Because, you know, it’s actually called that.
swenson on 23 April 2013, 08:15 said:
Which is funny, because almost all of the magic systems I’ve ever come up with (I was going to say “dabbled with”, but then it would sound like I’m trying to work magic in the real world over here, and that’s not what I meant at all!) are based around manipulation of the actual stuff—because it’s never made much sense to me how you can fire off specific set spells without any ability to tweak them at all.
Oh, that reminds me, I was scribbling down notes about a new magic system in class yesterday, too… I should do something with those.
Tim on 23 April 2013, 09:16 said:
Well, magic in fiction is usually deterministic (ie, spell X gets result Y every time it’s cast) to place limits on it, because otherwise you end up in territory where you don’t know what a wizard can’t do.
Generally writers present magic as either a scholarly discipline (requiring only knowledge), a martial art like skill (requiring a combination of physical and mental prowess) or a purely mental discipline (requiring only internal focus).
In the first a set spell would presumably be the result of experimentation by skilled mages. You could think of magic there as like mixing chemicals; the average Joe wizard would just use things proven to be safe and effective, and probably not screw around too much due to the risks of doing so in an uncontrolled way. That’s the one most likely to have rigidly set spells.
In the second case you might think of spells as being like the drill katas in martial arts, designed to both develop your abilities and provide a series of techniques useful in most situations. It’s not so much that they can’t do anything else as that they learned magic by replication and perfection of set routines. You could regard it as just as similar to something like art, where you at first do classes in composition or figure drawing before trying to develop your own style; not because there’s a specific right way, but because you need to be making informed choices regarding what your way is.
In the final case you could regard the spell as more like a method of focusing, like a meditation exercise or similar. That’d be least likely to have set methods, though you’d probably still have exercises and techniques taught; probably apprentices would stick to them only while more skilled wizards wouldn’t need them. I find in general this is the one where wizards have to be born rather than just learning how to use a force available to anyone.
Juracan on 23 April 2013, 13:35 said:
Call it personal bias, but I thought it’d be more appealing if there was a scene or piece of dialogue that revealed that under his facade of a professional monster killer, he was an ordinary guy with everyday interests. I suppose that’s not really special enough for YA protagonists, though…
Apep on 23 April 2013, 13:45 said:
Which is why I like Simon so much – he is a normal, everyday guy. He has interests and a life outside his role in the story. Why is it female Paranormal YA protagonists never go for the interesting, well-developed characters?
Master Chief on 23 April 2013, 21:02 said:
is anyone going to look at the trailer for the movie that just came out?
Pryotra on 23 April 2013, 21:46 said:
That would have been kind of interesting, and made it into a job or something, and was trying really hard to look cool or threatening because being a monster killer is something that requires you to scare them or something.
Because they’re not interesting, well-developed characters. They’re just there so the author can have her little fantasy about herself.
Looked at it. Looked pretty generic.
Though the actor for Jace does look rather like Draco Malfoy.
Apep on 23 April 2013, 22:17 said:
I actually recognized him – he played Arthur on the Starz series Camelot. I was not happy to see him in the movie.
I might do a little something about the trailer. If I can force myself to watch it enough times.
sakuuya on 24 April 2013, 07:34 said:
Is this really a plot hole? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly dumb, but it’s not a failure of logic or worldbuilding so much as it’s just an indication that Clare didn’t do her research. Unless it becomes a plot point somewhere down the road?
Juracan on 24 April 2013, 09:37 said:
Because they don’t wear enough leather, maybe? [shrugs] I feel as if authors were to sit down and write a character instead of just what he or she wants in a love interest, it’d be a lot better for literature in general.
Also, I’m kind of disturbed by the lack of normal love interests these days. Which is weird— with superhero characters, it’s often the protagonist who is extraordinary with a normal love interest, while in YA today it’s the opposite.
Hm…
I saw it. I thought it was okay. I’ll probably see the movie, thugh this sporking have pretty much killed any chance I would sit down and read the novels themselves.
Does it look like a good movie? Not really, no. But I’m kind of a sucker for fantasy films. At the very least I hope to get a good laugh or two out of it.
So it wasn’t just me that was bugged by that? Seeing him play a teenager now… er… that’s going to be weird.
Epke on 24 April 2013, 11:05 said:
Seen it. I choked on my almonds a little when “Mortal Instruments” came up and I could not for the love of life itself make out what the trailer was about: “You’re a Shadowhunter, Clary” followed by a glowy thing on someone’s arm, a girl and then fade to black.
Apep, my good man! Glad to see these again :D
Apep on 24 April 2013, 16:27 said:
Maybe. It might have just been how far into the chapter it was, so I wasn’t feeling too generous. Also, Dorothea gave an overly simplistic explanation instead of going into all the possible variations of what the card could mean.
As to it being a plot point – possibly, if you want to be generous, which I’m not. The book’s a YA Urban Fantasy novel, with a female protagonist. What do you think the implications are?
That would be nice. Or at least giving said love interest a bit more than just vague or one-note traits.
Comic books also tend to have male protagonists. The YA Paranormal Romance genre (WHY IS THAT A THING?!) favors female protagonists. Go figure.
That really bugged me. I liked him in Camelot. And he’s a year younger than me (I FEEL SO OLD!), and they have him playing a character who’s almost ten years younger than the actor is. When will Hollywood stop casting actors in their 20s as teenagers?
(On a side note, he also played one of the Voltouri in the Twilight movies, so maybe seeing him in this shouldn’t be so surprising)
It’s good to get another one out. With any luck, it won’t be another month before the next one.
Forest Purple on 24 April 2013, 23:35 said:
I have a theory.
Most superheroes are destined to be awesome and different from birth. Thus, the ordinary person cannot hope to be one.
Therefore, the only hope of the ordinary person being better than normal/awesome is to date a superhero.
Wish fulfillment, basically. The person writing it figures it would be easier for them to hook up with a superhero than to actually be one.
Nate Winchester on 25 April 2013, 14:27 said:
Ping me if you want help. All my MST3k viewings have really inoculated me against visual badness.
And I think I had a comment about the spork itself but… brain broke.
HamsterZerg on 17 December 2013, 12:50 said:
When Red-headed Idiot opens the door, Serpentine Idiot from Chapter 4 comes out, alive once more.
I refuse to use their official names. So why doesn’t Apep refer to each of the stupid characters as (Adjective) Idiot?
Apep on 17 December 2013, 14:22 said:
Because that would get confusing – they’re all idiots.
HamsterZerg on 17 December 2013, 14:52 said:
Then you know what this book needs?
It needs a punch to the face.
Maybe Heavy Weapons Guy would be willing to provide one.
Jade on 10 July 2016, 02:36 said:
I think that’s the explanation for everything in here. “Because why not.” lol
The persistent blindness… ALWAYS. I just watched a crappy straight-to-something movie because the descript mentioned fairy-tale objects and modern people hunting them down to protect them or whatever and hoped it was similar to The Librarians… anyway, the dude won’t believe his parents are Hunters even while standing in their high-tech, secret-opening-behind-a-tapestry, basement lair with a voice activated (to their kids voices) computer that tells them exactly where they disappered while hunting the magic mirror from the Snow White story.
Juracan on 10 July 2016, 11:51 said:
I’ve seen this movie! It was gloriously stupid! Mostly because Dr. Martin Stein and Ronnie Raymond from The Flash in it as the villain and hero respectively, and I found that amusing as hell.
I mean, it was a stupid movie, but I don’t think anyone in that movie thought it was anything but a stupid movie. As opposed to this book series, which people treat as if it’s a modern masterpiece.