Well, here we are again. Thankfully, this is a short chapter. Will this one’s title be any more indicative of its contents than the last? Servery says – no.

The party, it seems, is somewhere in Brooklyn. The text says the invite has directions, and yet for some reason they still have to use the GPS function of Isabelle’s Sensor to find the place.

Weird Word Choice: 2

Double count because A) CC continues to capitalize ‘Sensor’, and B) if the invitation has “directions,” you shouldn’t need a map.

Also, we have definitive proof that the magical Shadowhunter “Sensors” are, in fact, just smartphones. (For reference, this book was published in 2007, the same year as the 1st generation iPhone)

We get the “Simon is a nerd” point bashed in again as the narration explains that he “loved gadgets.” Because only nerds can show an interest in technology. Oh, wait, he’s only “pretending” to be interested in Isabelle’s phone.

Clary gets mopy because she’s no longer the center of attention, so she starts lagging behind. Which of course draws the attention of Jace so that these two can have yet anther conversation, which I will once again spork line by line.

“Keep up,” said and irritated voice in her ear. It was Jace, who had dropped back to walk beside her.

If the fact that Jace apparently has ninja-stealth doesn’t terrify you, there’s something wrong with you.

“I don’t want to have to keep looking behind me to make sure nothing’s happened to you.”

Oh, don’t try to act all concerned. I bet you’d happily toss Simon at anything coming after you.

“So don’t bother.”

Aw, poor widdle Clary. It’s just so hard, what with all four of these people escorting you to a party just so you can meet with some guy. Truly, yours is the most tragic of all lives.

“Last time I left you alone, a demon attacked you,” he pointed out.

Yes, and she somehow managed just fine without you. What was your point again?

“Well, I’d certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death.”

Oh, I don’t know. Your sudden death would certainly perk up my day. At least this story would be over then.

He blinked. “There’s a fine line between sarcasm and outright hostility, and you seem to have crossed it. What’s up?”

Jace, don’t even try to pretend that you’ve ever been on the right side of that line. You passed it a long, long time ago.

Anyway, Clary’s once again changed her opinion about people poking around inside her head, because she’s afraid of what might be hidden there. Despite the fact that she actually volunteered to go through with it the last time, and the whole reason for this trip is because she wanted to find out what’s in there. CC can’t even keep her character’s motivations straight.

Oh, and then we get this:

“What if I don’t like what he finds?”
“What makes you think you won’t?”
Clary pulled her hair away from her sticky skin. “I hate it when you answer a question with a question.”
“No you don’t, you think it’s charming.”

Rapier Twit: 1

No, Jace, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. God you’re a douche. How is it he has fans when says douche-y shit like that? I just started reading Prince of Thorns, and the protagonists of that book is infinitely more charming, and he says stuff like this:

War, my friends, is a thing of beauty. Those who says otherwise are loosing. If I’d bothered to go over to old Bovid, propped up against the fountain with his guts in his lap, he’d probably take a contrary view. But look where disagreeing got him.

And this:

The red face made me want to kill him even more. I didn’t, though. You got responsibilities when you’re a leader. You got a responsibility not to kill too many of your men. Or who’re you going to lead?

How is it that a guy who makes Ramsay “Bastard of the Dreadfort” Bolton look almost cuddly can be down-right charming, and yet Jace, our supposed hero, is a complete douche-nozzle, and yet still somehow manages to have fangirls?

They finally get to the party, but we can’t go in yet, because CC has to plant yet another Chekov’s gun – vampire motorcycles. Alec and Jace immediately get hard-ons for the things, talking about all the stuff the bikes can supposedly do (like fly, turn invisible, or work underwater), because as non-nerd guys, they’re automatically interested in all things mechanical.

God, this book is so full of stereotyping.

For some reason, one of the bikes has the phrase “NOX INVICTUS” written on the side, and either Jace or CC once again demonstrate that they know less Latin than Harry Dresden, because Jace says it means “Victorious Night,” when in fact it means “Unconquered Night.” There’s a subtle difference.

Weird Word Choice: 3

In the future, either avoid pretentious Latin phrases, or get someone who actually knows Latin to make them up for you. Dumbass.

The ever-lovely Isabelle steps in to remind the boys that, you know, they didn’t come all this way to ogle someone else’s motorcycles, and there’s a plot that’s been on the back-burner so long it’s starting to smoke. They buzz Bane’s apartment, and he comes to the door. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that he’s assumed to be of at least “partly” Asian descent.

Plot Hole: 1

Why? Well, I’m sure Pryotra mentioned this somewhere else, but I think it needs reiterating – how does someone of Asian ancestry end up with a name like Magnus Bane, which is clearly of European origin? Especially since, as CC has already established, warlocks cannot reproduce? Did he change his name? Is “Magnus Bane” a stage name, and his real name is something different? Or did CC just not think about what she’s written? (Probably this)

Bane is obviously quite skeptical about letting a bunch of Shadowhunters into his place. Our alleged heroes use their brains for once, and let Isabelle do all the talking, pointing out that she does, in fact, have an invitation. And I just love Bane’s response:

Magnus plucked the invitation out of her hand and looked at it with fastidious distaste. “I must have been drunk,” he said. He threw the door open. “Come in. And try not to murder any of my guests.”

Weird Word Choice: 4

Apart from that, I find it interesting that the first thing he tells them is to not kill anybody. Really says a lot about the Shadowhunters, I think.

But really, “fastidious?” Really? CC, please put the thesaurus down, you’re not fooling anybody.

Jace tries posturing, and makes a lame joke about avenging his shoes should they be ruined.

Rapier Twit: 2

But Bane gives absolutely zero fucks, and demonstrates this by grabbing Jace’s magic wand out of his hand and literally telling him to keep it in his pants.

I know what happens to him in the next book, but I gotta admit it – right now, I like Magnus Bane. I guess that’s my basic formula for liking a character in this series: their treatment of Jace is inverse to my opinion of them.

Isabelle once again shows that she’s one of the few people here with a fully functioning brain, and asks Jace to kindly not fuck this up. Jace’s response?

Jace looked bored. “Relax. I know what I’m doing.”

Jace, not two minutes ago you pretty much tried to pull a gun on the guy you came here to see. Why don’t you just go back to base and let the grown-ups handle this one, okay?

On the way up, there’s a bit between Clary and Simon where he jokes about Bane attending or working at their school, causing Clary to laugh, even though it’s not that funny. But this gets Isabelle’s attention, and she comes back to join them, which of course pisses Clary off.

Bitch: 1

They get up to the party, which is full of more weird-looking people who’re again only there to act as window dressing considering how little their presence effects anything. When Clary stops ogling her surroundings, she realizes that her alleged “friends” have completely abandoned her. Can’t say I blame them.

But she manages to find Bane lounging on a couch, and goes to talk to him. She asks what the reason for the party is, and he tells her it’s his cat’s birthday. How… quirky.

Jace and Alec pop back up, Jace apparently having made another “conquest.” Clary asks where Simon and Isabelle are, and Jace points to the dance floor. Clary looks and sees them, and this gets her pissy, because how dare another girl show any interest in the guy she’s only interested in as a friend! Just look at Clary’s reaction:

If they dance any closer, they won’t have to go off in a corner to have sex.

Bitch: 2

Uh, CC? At this point, she should just be glad that they’re not having sex on the dance floor. Seriously, I’ve heard stories of my high school homecoming dance that were dirtier than what Isabelle was doing.

Jace tries to talk to Bane, but then some really pissed-off vampires show up. Seems someone poured holy water into his bike’s gas tank, and now the thing’s melted. The vamp thinks it was a werewolf, and is mad because Bane said he wouldn’t be inviting any werewolves. Bane says he didn’t invite any werewolves, so if one of them sabotaged the vamp’s bike, it’s not his fault. The vampire tries to threaten Bane, but Bane force-chokes him and tells him to leave.

Jace is impressed, but Bane is nonchalant about it, and refers to the male vampire as “her” because Bane is gay. Alec, for some reason, finds this hilarious.

Rapier Twit: 3

Alec then decides to reveal that they were the ones who put holy water in the vamp’s bike.

No Shit Sherlock: 1

Rather than be pissed that they just destroyed one of his guest’s property leading to said guest threatening him, Bane is fine with this action. Because having Bane react like a normal person would completely derail the plot, and we can’t have that! The only acceptable reasons for derailing the plot are for stupid comedy, poorly written bedtime stories, and make-overs!

They finally get around to asking Bane to help them out, and Jace almost literally threatens to have Bane tortured if he refuses. Look:

“No,” Jace repeated. “We can talk to you under the seal of the Covenant. Anything you say will be confidential.”
“And if I don’t help you?”
Jace spread his hands wide. The rune tattoos stood out on his palms stark and black. “Maybe nothing. Maybe a visit from the Silent City.”
Magnus’s voice was honey poured over shards of ice. “That’s quite a choice you’re offering me, little Shadowhunter.”
“It’s no choice at all,” said Jace.
“Yes,” said the warlock. “That’s exactly what I meant.”

In what universe is this guy the hero? By what possible definition of “heroic” does “threaten with torture” qualify as something the heroes do? I’m not talking anti-heroes, here – there is absolutely no questioning of whether Jace is anything other than entirely heroic.

And Jace isn’t just a sociopath, he’s a moron to boot. He literally just saw Bane force-choke a bitch because he threatened him. And now Jace is doing the exact same thing! In a logical story, this would be the point where Bane tells all our “heroes” to leave before he has to use force.

But that doesn’t happen. And I have to wonder why. Because unlike the fans and the writer, I can see a logical reason for why Bane doesn’t skin Jace alive right there. The Shadowhunters aren’t a police force – they’re a bunch of dictators. They make the rules, and death is the only penalty. Question them, oppose them, or threaten them, and they’ll lock you up and torture you without even the pretense of a trial, because why should they have to justify themselves to a bunch of filthy Downworlders?

And the worst part? I doubt that CC even realized what she’d created. She didn’t notice that her entire little fantasy world follows a protagonist-centered morality.

Goddamn, and they’re making a film of this book.

Scene break to Bane’s room.

Random Scene Break: 1

Bane asks what they want, because when someone’s got a gun to your head its a good idea to cooperate. Clary explains about her mom being missing, and Bane couldn’t give less of a fuck. She clarifies that her mom’s been kidnapped by Valentine. Bane tries to lie his way out, which Clary knows because the Author Says So. Jace gives a very abridged version of their visit to the Silent Brothers, and Bane caves.

He did such a great job putting that block in Clary’s mind that he got cocky and signed it. Clary wouldn’t remember seeing anything supernatural, even if she were looking right at it, which is exactly what his client wanted.

Clary asks who hired him to do this, and Bane reveals that it was her own mother!

No Shit Sherlock: 2

Um, duh? Was this really supposed to be a surprise? Who else would have had this done?

But that’s the end of the chapter. I gotta admit, for such a short one, I didn’t think it’d be so off-pissing. The further I get in this book, the worse the “heroes” appear. I really have to wonder how CC, let alone her fans, could see this and not realize how utterly horrible her little fantasy really is.

It’s not like Jace is Jack Bauer or anything. At least he has an excuse for doing and threatening to do horrible things to people, and even then the viewer isn’t supposed to praise him for it. What’s Jace’s excuse? He’s trying to save the world? Well, he sure is taking his sweet-ass time about it. He can take time off for a hot chick, but can’t bother to actually convince someone they need to help them out.

I think at this point, my only hope is that either the filmmakers take major liberties with the source material, or they don’t and everyone realizes just how utterly fucked-up this stuff is, like with the Twilight movies.

And I have to wonder why this exists as a separate chapter. It’s so short that it could easily have been combined with a trimmed-down version of chapter eleven. On top of that, it would also make the chapter titles make sense – Bane didn’t even appear in the last chapter, and the only “dead man” in this was the vampire. Hate to break it to you, CC, but “warlock” does not qualify as one of the undead. The fanfic DNA is really starting to show at this point.

Since this one was so short, I’m debating between working on the next chapter and taking a break. See you guys next time.

Counts:

Weird Word Choice: 4 (Total 57)
Rapier Twit: 2 (Total 26)
No Shit Sherlock: 2 (Total 21)
Plot Hole: 1 (Total 45)
Random Scene Break: 1 (Total 7)
Both Hands, Ma’am: 0 (Total 7)
Bitch: 2 (Total 7)

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Comment

  1. lilyWhite on 1 July 2013, 17:52 said:

    I never cease to be amazed with “romance” books where even the heroine is well aware of how much of an ass the love interest is.

    There’s a certain group that I’m finding myself comparing more and more to the Shadowhunters, but I…ahem…don’t want to break the “law” and say it.

  2. Juracan on 1 July 2013, 20:15 said:

    Well, I’m sure Pryotra mentioned this somewhere else, but I think it needs reiterating – how does someone of Asian ancestry end up with a name like Magnus Bane, which is clearly of European origin?

    If we want to be specific, CC intended for him to be Indonesian. As she notes, demons don’t have ethnicity, not being human, so his sole human physical traits are from his mother. Why did she name him with a European name, then? If it’s a taken name, why would he take that name? A name so obviously… I don’t know, it sounds like an alchemist’s name. Just saying.

    In what universe is this guy the hero? By what possible definition of “heroic” does “threaten with torture” qualify as something the heroes do? I’m not talking anti-heroes, here – there is absolutely no questioning of whether Jace is anything other than entirely heroic.

    Ones that were written by fanfiction authors, I’d imagine.

    I think at this point, my only hope is that either the filmmakers take major liberties with the source material, or they don’t and everyone realizes just how utterly fucked-up this stuff is, like with the Twilight movies.

    I hold this hope for every crappy book that gets turned into a movie. It’s always an opportunity to fix mistakes and make it entertaining. I’m probably going to see this movie, if nothing else to take a peak at the design the filmmakers choose to apply to the world the film’s set in.

  3. swenson on 2 July 2013, 10:17 said:

    I appreciate your point of view, but ain’t nobody make Ramsay “Bastard of the Dreadfort” Bolton look cuddly. A man-eating lion can’t make him look cuddly. Palpatine can’t make him look cuddly.

    Oh, right, Mortal Instruments:

    less Latin than Harry Dresden

    Tee-hee-hee.

    Oh wait, Mortal Instruments:

    avenging his shoes should they be ruined

    Does he have a Hulk?

    Argh, I totally meant to comment on Mortal Instruments that time:

    Bane force-chokes him

    Ohhh, Darth Bane, I just got it!

    …yeah, I give up trying to talk about Mortal Instruments. Wait, give me one last chance:

    It’s not like Jace is Jack Bauer or anything.

    Except Jack Bauer pretty explicitly takes things too far, and other people don’t necessarily support him. Sure, we’re kinda supposed to be rooting for him—but there’s still the recognition, even if it’s not very strong, that “this is kind of messed up.”

    sigh Well, I tried. The book is just so stupid, I want to think about good things instead.

  4. Maxie on 2 July 2013, 11:44 said:

    Honestly, the name sounds like an obvious put-on, the kind of thing that you would come up with to sound impressive. That kind of fits with how Bane and the other members of the supernatural community are portrayed in the series — they want to seem dramatic and portentious at almost every opportunity, and actually naming yourself Magnus Bane isn’t out there for that kind of mindset.

    At least it’s not Hotshaft von Hugenstein.

  5. Derleth on 2 July 2013, 11:47 said:

    As far as the chapter length — the thing about publishing your first novel after you’ve already become really famous and popular is that you don’t have to deal with quibbling editors and their silly beliefs about trimming things down and keeping things consistent. If you want to have an entire chapter of filler followed by two pages of frenzied exposition, no one will question you!

  6. Apep on 2 July 2013, 12:58 said:

    I appreciate your point of view, but ain’t nobody make Ramsay “Bastard of the Dreadfort” Bolton look cuddly.

    Maybe “cuddly” was the wrong word. “Gives him a run for his money” might be better. Case in point: Jorg (the eponymous Prince of Thorns) sets off a nuke underneath a castle because there’s no real way he can capture it. I think even ol’ Ramsay would think twice before reducing a castle and all its inhabitants to radioactive ash. Maybe.

    Ohhh, Darth Bane, I just got it!

    Which is weird, because I didn’t even intend that. Seriously – Bane more or less force chokes the guy. Proof that you should not piss off guys names “Bane.” Ever.

    Well, I tried. The book is just so stupid, I want to think about good things instead.

    I know. My problem is that there’s something that sets me off almost every other paragraph, and I just want to rant about it, rather than getting on with the sporking.

    As far as the chapter length — the thing about publishing your first novel after you’ve already become really famous and popular is that you don’t have to deal with quibbling editors and their silly beliefs about trimming things down and keeping things consistent.

    I don’t know if I’d call CC “famous.” That whole plagiarism scandal with the Draco trilogy probably made her a lot of enemies, or at least pissed off a lot of her former fans.

  7. Aikaterini on 2 July 2013, 20:08 said:

    No, Jace, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. God you’re a douche.

    I hate it when he (or any character, really) says that. No, you insufferable brat, she finds it obnoxious, just like I do. Stop presuming that you know everything about everybody. Judging by your sociopathic reactions to Clary showing the tiniest bit of concern for Simon, you obviously don’t know anything about people.

    I find it interesting that the first thing he tells them is to not kill anybody. Really says a lot about the Shadowhunters, I think.

    Why are these people supposed to be the heroes again?

    Jace, not two minutes ago you pretty much tried to pull a gun on the guy you came here to see. Why don’t you just go back to base and let the grown-ups handle this one, okay?

    Of course he can’t! He’s Clare’s “hardcore bad-boy,” so naturally he has to be in on the action, no matter how terrible he is at it. Honestly, I don’t see why anyone trusts this idiot with a weapon. Unless they’re secretly hoping that he’ll eventually get himself killed.

    because how dare another girl show any interest in the guy she’s only interested in as a friend!

    I really don’t get this. Clary’s unwarranted fits of rage whenever Simon shows interest in another girl make her look, at best, unreasonable and hypocritical and, at worst, psychotic. “How dare you have a life without me, Simon! It’s fine for me to ditch you for the psychopath and refuse to stick up for you, like the coward I am, but don’t you dare try to be happy without me!”

    What was Clare thinking? Was this supposed to foreshadow the stupid and pointless love triangle? Because it’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that Clary’s gaga over Jace and that he’s the Edward to her Bella. So, not only is this ridiculous, it’s completely pointless.

    The Shadowhunters aren’t a police force – they’re a bunch of dictators. They make the rules, and death is the only penalty. Question them, oppose them, or threaten them, and they’ll lock you up and torture you without even the pretense of a trial, because why should they have to justify themselves to a bunch of filthy Downworlders?

    And yet Valentine is supposed to be the bad guy.

  8. Maxie on 2 July 2013, 21:01 said:

    I don’t know if I’d call CC “famous.” That whole plagiarism scandal with the Draco trilogy probably made her a lot of enemies, or at least pissed off a lot of her former fans.

    You can be famous without being universally adored, can’t you? CC has reasonable name recognition among the kinds of people who buy and read books in this genre. She wasn’t Stephen King or anything but the publisher of the series had a fairly good reason to suspect that people would buy a book that she had written in this genre after the relative success of her Draco trilogy. The plagiarism scandal doesn’t bother them because they select for profitability, not ethics.

    I think if CC were a total unknown, this book probably wouldn’t be published at least in this form. It’s actually not even the worst book I’ve ever read — it’s not even the worst book that I’ve seen on this site — but it’s pretty damn sad. As you know! :D

  9. The Angel Islington on 2 July 2013, 21:03 said:

    I was bored by and turned off by these books and their….less than stellar writing, but I actually thought the trailer made it look pretty cool in film. I mean, it’s not gonna be GOOD or anything, but it might be Transformers 3 levels of entertaining.

  10. Pryotra on 2 July 2013, 21:08 said:

    Ah, Jace, every time I read you, even when I’ve read you before, I find a new reason to hate you.

    Well, I’m sure Pryotra mentioned this somewhere else, but I think it needs reiterating – how does someone of Asian ancestry end up with a name like Magnus Bane, which is clearly of European origin? Especially since, as CC has already established, warlocks cannot reproduce? Did he change his name? Is “Magnus Bane” a stage name, and his real name is something different? Or did CC just not think about what she’s written? (Probably this)

    No, it’s not a stage name, unless he’s had it since the Victorian era, since he used the same name in Clare’s prequel series.

    I’m still kind of trying to figure out how they can claim to have institutes in China but at the same time intermarriage between Shadowhunters (who are of Jewish origin apparently) and mundies is frowned on to the point where the Shadowhunter who marries can’t be a Shadowhunter anymore. If I were a demon, I wouldn’t have too much trouble in finding Shadowhunters.

    I know what happens to him in the next book, but I gotta admit it – right now, I like Magnus Bane. I guess that’s my basic formula for liking a character in this series: their treatment of Jace is inverse to my opinion of them.

    Thankfully, he remains like this, but at the same time, he doesn’t DO anything for most of the book other than flirt with Alex and be stereotypically gay. (He gets worse.)

    Jace is impressed, but Bane is nonchalant about it, and refers to the male vampire as “her” because Bane is gay. Alec, for some reason, finds this hilarious.

    Because their gay, and Clare doesn’t seem aware that gay people have identities outside of their sexuality. Blast you, Clare, I’m straight/asexual and have no gay friends, and I know this.

    And the worst part? I doubt that CC even realized what she’d created. She didn’t notice that her entire little fantasy world follows a protagonist-centered morality.

    She doesn’t. She’s certain that they’re ‘really good people deep down’ or something just as stupid. You know, The Book Thief had a Gestapo agent who was nice to the main character because she was German. That didn’t make him a good person.

    Hate to break it to you, CC, but “warlock” does not qualify as one of the undead.

    Nope. Not in any folklore that I’ve read. Unless you’re an undead warlock, and the story specifies you as such.

    The fanfic DNA is really starting to show at this point.

    Just wait until we get into Jace’s twagic backstory. That’s ripped line for line from her fanfic.

  11. Migaman on 2 July 2013, 22:04 said:

    I’ve had the book for almost a year now and I barely finished this chapter a week ago. I find that I can’t really picture any of the settings she establishes. Is it just me or have you had that same problem also?

  12. Maxie on 2 July 2013, 23:30 said:

    The expectation is that you have seen the TV show or read the book that it’s taken from. Why reinvent the wheel?

  13. Apep on 3 July 2013, 11:28 said:

    I find that I can’t really picture any of the settings she establishes. Is it just me or have you had that same problem also?

    Yes, I have, especially when it comes to places like Clary’s apartment. I have no idea how that place way laid out.

  14. Jade on 14 July 2016, 20:24 said:

    Wait a sec… If the sensor doesn’t have a screen… how is it telling them where to go? Are they inputting which mode of transport they’re taking? Does it “recalculate” if they make a wrong turn? it’s a voice thing or * cough*magic*cough *?

  15. Apep on 14 July 2016, 20:46 said:

    I kind of assumed that they did have a screen – how else can it display anything? Even old turn-of-the-millennium cellphones had some kind of display.

  16. Jade on 16 July 2016, 00:52 said:

    oh, you mentioned in one of these that it didn’t have a screen. also had runes on it? I think when it had CLary realize she ran off with it.

  17. Apep on 16 July 2016, 09:08 said:

    Huh, you’re right. I completely forgot about that. But then, apparently so did CC and she invented the dang things.