Tagged as: ,

Comment

  1. Senor_Alvarez on 27 March 2011, 23:14 said:

    This is the most accurate portrait of Gloria Tesch I have ever seen.

    And I say it’ll be 12 days.

    I bet one internet on it.

  2. Sahgo on 27 March 2011, 23:20 said:

    Well, this website isn’t quite as big as it SHOULD be (because it’s so awesome!), so maybe she doesn’t even know about it. You’d have to advertise it a little bit for her to notice =D I was going to put a link on TV Tropes, but the Maradonia page was locked (perhaps by Gloria herself!)

    AFTER such publicity is applied… 12 days.

  3. Sahgo on 27 March 2011, 23:36 said:

    (altough… this is the second site that comes up when you google “Maradonia”… perhaps she does know…)

  4. Danielle on 28 March 2011, 00:11 said:

    I’ll bet….one week.

    Maybe.

  5. "Xan" on 28 March 2011, 00:16 said:

    I could probably bet fifty bucks little Tesch actually googles herself. (…Constantly.)

    That aside, I’m not sure how long it would take for her or her “Team” to complain. A week? Two week? A month? I’m no good at guessing.

  6. RandomX2 on 28 March 2011, 01:40 said:

    28 days

  7. Curly on 28 March 2011, 01:41 said:

    While the idea of Tesch googling herself 24/7 sounds exactly like the thing she would do, her publisher is just her parents, yeah? What are they going to do? But if they’re rich enough to be able to indulge their delusional daughter by publishing her trash and creating a website and hiring ‘actors’ for her “Movie”, you may have just created a dangerous enemy, my friend. Speaking of which, I think I read something awhile ago on II about Tesch being German. If her first langauge isn’t english, that would explain soooooooooooooooooooooo much. Is it true? Oh, and put ten Crowns on a month.

  8. fffan on 28 March 2011, 02:22 said:

    Seven minutes.

  9. Requiem on 28 March 2011, 04:09 said:

    You know who is probably going to direct her movie Uwe Bowl, then it will be a disaterpiece of epic proportions. Maybe Tommy Wiseu can get a part in it and then truly nothing will stand before it not even titanic the animated movie.

  10. dragonarya on 28 March 2011, 09:17 said:

    Oooh, not too long. Say… a few weeks? (And yaaay, Kitty’s back!)

  11. swenson on 28 March 2011, 12:12 said:

    I’ll be skeptical and say… no less than two or three weeks. But it’ll undoubtedly happen eventually. Can I put my money down on not for at least 14 days but no more than two months, or is that too broad?

  12. Rorschach on 28 March 2011, 15:01 said:

    I have a feeling that you won’t get anything, considering that they can’t actually make you, and they’re probably smart enough to realize –

    Never mind. 11 days.

  13. Snow White Queen on 28 March 2011, 21:39 said:

    Kitty’s back!

  14. Ridureyu on 29 March 2011, 02:07 said:

    She’s German?

    You know, I’m surprised nobody’s heard her voice on any of the promotional videos.

  15. Curly on 29 March 2011, 02:13 said:

    @ Ridureyu Yeah, I know, that’s what I thought when I read the original comment a while ago. That’s why I’m asking… Actually, no, good point, that makes no sense, she would probably have an accent. Ahh, now there’s no excuses, excellent.

  16. Licht on 29 March 2011, 02:49 said:

    @Ridureyu: Would that change something? Would that make us view her writing in a different light?
    Should I ask her?

  17. Anonymous on 29 March 2011, 07:29 said:

    5 days.

    KITTY! We’ve missed you!

  18. Quilloasa on 29 March 2011, 12:03 said:

    I’ve heard her voice on a few promo videos (one promoting Gold of Ophir, another claiming to be her speaking at “the Blue Iguana”). I didn’t notice any particular accent, except perhaps “smug American asshole/idiot”, but now that’s just me being petty.

    A few folks here have said some things about how her turns of phrase sound like literal translations of German phrases, and have pointed out references to German language and mythology (the Tankarppe or whatever invisibility-hat thingies, and the Schwarz-Pulver bomb/exploding thingies). On the other hand, if illustrator Marina Terkulova Tesch is her mother, that’s a point in favor of Russian…

    As for the angry e-mail? Give it a month or thereabouts. Bonus points if it’s from a hotmail or gmail account.

  19. Licht on 29 March 2011, 12:17 said:

    “phrase sound like literal translations of German phrases”

    I must have missed those. Does anyone remember them?

  20. VikingBoyBilly on 29 March 2011, 15:31 said:

    My bet is it will never happen because team tesche isn’t even aware of impishidea, much less these sporkings.

    Then again, Gloria’s narcisistic googlings may easily lead her here to be enraged by the criticism.

  21. Kitty on 29 March 2011, 18:38 said:

    I’m counting on Gloria’s narcissistic Googlings to bring her here.

    If nothing else, I should get a troll email at some point.

  22. Nate Winchester on 29 March 2011, 22:11 said:

    You know who is probably going to direct her movie Uwe Bowl, then it will be a disaterpiece of epic proportions. Maybe Tommy Wiseu can get a part in it and then truly nothing will stand before it not even titanic the animated movie.

    For some reason I have this idea that such a collision of badness and insanity might somehow overload the universe and we’d end up with a movie twice as as epic and beautiful as the Lord of the Rings trilogy, three times as memorable as Casablanca and four times more thought provoking than Inception.

    And then II will shut down because all of our heads will have exploded.

  23. The Cat on 30 March 2011, 17:26 said:

    You know, Team Tesch probably already knows, but the title, Place your Bets, will make it embarassing for them to actually send an email.

    Nevertheless…

    2 weeks.

  24. LoneWolf on 31 March 2011, 01:12 said:

    Infinity. I don’t think they will do it.

  25. Costanza on 1 April 2011, 20:47 said:

    I doubt you’ll get an e-mail from Team Tesch.

    But I’m sure Tesch will, in one of her interviews with the Middle School newsletter, start talking about this site of “Immature super-morons” who don’t understand Maradonia and are nothing but h8ers.

    She already insulted ‘video gamers’ in some kind of idiotic speech, and said that she was a ‘master story teller’.

    ….Something needs to be done, that’s for sure.

  26. vivisector on 2 April 2011, 00:59 said:

    I’m not sure about never hearing from them. They apparently took offense to conjugalfelicity.wikispaces.com/ as it got nerfed today for copyright.

    I wonder if that’s part of the new “marketing strategy” of AF? Silence the criticism and hope people fall for the sock puppet reviews.

  27. The Cat on 2 April 2011, 12:28 said:

    AF…as in Artemis Fowl?

    Since when did Eoin Colfer silence ctics? Since when did he call his critics “haters”?

    Since when have people not liked his books? :D

  28. Kitty on 2 April 2011, 15:56 said:

    I don’t really like Artemis Fowl myself.

    Oh, and guys, I wasn’t serious about getting an email from Gloria’s people. I just wanted an excuse to draw Gloria looking like a dumbass.

  29. Tolly on 2 April 2011, 22:58 said:

    “She already insulted ‘video gamers’ in some kind of idiotic speech, and said that she was a ‘master story teller’.”

    1. Bite me, Gloria, at least a good video game has a compelling, powerful story. You, on the other hand, embarasses primary school children.

    2. Master story teller. MASTER STORY TELLER. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Oh man, I’m laughing so hard it almost hurts.

  30. The Cat on 3 April 2011, 18:52 said:

    I don’t really like Artemis Fowl myself.

    You are not my friend anymore! Shun

    ;)

  31. Curly on 4 April 2011, 01:54 said:

    The Cat vs Kitty… cat fight.
    And you don’t like Artemis Fowl… Who ARE you?
    (First three are the best though. After that it drops in aweseomeness, but then again, infinity minus one is still infinity. ;) )

  32. SlyShy on 4 April 2011, 19:50 said:

    I just wanted an excuse to draw Gloria looking like a dumbass.

    You don’t need an excuse to draw an accurate portrait. :P

  33. Kilgore on 6 April 2011, 21:47 said:

    Welcome back Kitty!

  34. Curly on 8 April 2011, 08:05 said:

    Oh, and guys, I wasn’t serious about getting an email from Gloria’s people. I just wanted an excuse to draw Gloria looking like a dumbass.

    Well… Oh, damn, Sly’s already said what I was going to say. Well, yeah. No excuse was needed, as long as we got to see this masterpiece. Imagine if in a hundred year’s time this was the only picture left of GLoria Tesch… Which is fitting, because it’s the only picture more than five people have seen and the only one anyone actually cares about.
    Welcome back Kitty. We have missed you.

  35. Prince O' Tea on 8 April 2011, 23:27 said:

    Her outfit isn’t slutty enough for it to be Gloria. Call me a prude, but it just doesn’t feel like a G Tesch photoshoot if she’s not pouting and leaning forward in some Bratzy jailbait ensemble.

  36. Flarehawk on 13 April 2011, 18:48 said:

    The picture is awesome, though. I should have that painted with the bottom part replaced with “COME AT ME BRO” and hand-deliver it to Tesch.

    Also,
    “She already insulted ‘video gamers’ in some kind of idiotic speech, and said that she was a ‘master story teller’.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GODS MY LUNGS WHY DO THEY BURN SO
    I want names, addresses, gun laws, a false passport, an alibi and a link.

  37. fffan on 15 April 2011, 00:15 said:

    Hey, do you have a DeviantArt account, Kitty?

  38. Licht on 20 April 2011, 04:27 said:

    Don’t threaten her.

    Also, honestly, I don’t think she’s slutty. (As if that mattered, anyway. She could go naked and it wouldn’t do anything to her writing.)
    When I was younger (13 or something) I used to wear clothes that hid almost nothing, and the way I walked or posed showed that I knew and felt great about it. Slutty? Maybe. Who the hell cares?
    I became some sort of alternative punk later on, especially during my time at art-school. Today I’m, yea, I guess, I am a bit prude.
    But again: Who cares?
    You don’t have to look at me while reading what I wrote, do you?

  39. Swenson on 20 April 2011, 11:49 said:

    Yeah, c’mon, let’s not stoop to personal insults. The writing and Glo’s immature behavior in regards to Youtube takedown notices, for example, are bad enough on its own. There’s no need to insult and especially not threaten her personally.

  40. Prince O' Tea on 5 May 2011, 08:28 said:

    Well if I was one of her parents, there is noooo way I would feel comfortable in some of her get up/poses/photos being put on the internet as promotional material. That’s just me though, but I guess it could be Glo making good use of her good looks, since they are her sole redeeming feature.