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  1.  

    Ugh, this is disgusting

    Some of my favourite quotes:

    bq. “I’m going to interrupt you there. There’s a difference between drama and melodrama; evoking genuine emotion, or manipulating emotion. It’s a very fine eye-of-the-needle to thread. And it’s very rare that it works. That’s why I tend to dominate this particular genre. There is this fine line. And I do not verge into melodrama. It’s all drama. I try to generate authentic emotional power.”

    That’s why everyone always has cancer. Not manipulative at all.

    “I write in a genre that was not defined by me. The examples were not set out by me. They were set out 2,000 years ago by Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides. They were called the Greek tragedies. A thriller is supposed to thrill. A horror novel is supposed to scare you. A mystery is supposed to keep you turning the pages, guessing ‘whodunit?’

    Is he… actually comparing himself to Sophcles? Really? Maybe we should poke his eyes out with a brooch. Seriously, though, he writes sappy chick-lit romances. What does that have to do with Greek tragedy? My understanding of Greek-ness is tragic irony. There’s none of that in Spark’s work, from what I can tell.

    “Hemingway. See, they’re recommending The Garden of Eden, and I read that. It was published after he was dead. It’s a weird story about this honeymoon couple, and a third woman gets involved. Uh, it’s not my cup of tea.” Sparks pulls the one beside it off the shelf. “A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That’s what I write,” he says, putting it back. “That’s what I write.”

    Ok, I’m not a huge Hemingway fan. But asuming you write as well as him? Good God, man.

    Cormac McCarthy? “Horrible,” he says, looking at Blood Meridian. “This is probably the most pulpy, overwrought, melodramatic cowboy vs. Indians story ever written.”

    Now, I don’t much like McCarthy (LEARN TO PUNCUATE!). I actually think he’s rather pretentious and should do us a favor by breaking up his sentences and USING GODDAMN PUNCTUATION SOMETIMES! But “pulpy, overwrought, melodtrmatic” describes Nicky’s work to a T, if you ask me…

    Sparks’ favorite tale of youth? “I think A Walk to Remember,” he says, citing his own novel.

    I have no words. Come up with something clever here.

    “There are no authors in my genre. No one is doing what I do.”

    ARG. There are PLENTY of romance writers! What the HELL.

    “No, the themes in love stories are different. In mine, you never know if it’s going to be a happy ending, sad ending, bittersweet or tragic. You read a romance because you know what to expect. You read a love story because you don’t know what to expect.”

    We know what to expect: Someone reconciles with an estranged parent and dies of cancer.

    Anyway, I don’t know who he’s fooling. He’s a melodramatic writer of tragic (and manipulative) romance novels. If this was all he was, I wouldn’t bother even noticing him (except maybe to snicker at him condescendingly). The problem is his ego. What makes him think that he’s SO UNIQUE OMRG?

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2010
     

    ...

    Where’s a good sledgehammer when you need it? Also, this might be appropriate

    Thank you, Cracked. Now to find some napalm.

  2.  

    Where’s a good sledgehammer when you need it? Also, this might be appropriate

    Yay Cracked!

    You know what? I want to spork the hell out of this guy. I think my library has “A Walk to Remember”. Should I go for it?

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2010 edited
     

    YES. Spork away!

    Also, FYI you have a typo in the thread title. Business. Fixed yay :)

    I just read the actual article, and feel disgusted with the author.

    Cyrus pipes up: “The Catcher in the Rye. That’s my favorite book.” She smiles. J.D. Salinger’s classic may be, by law, every 17-year-old’s favorite book.

    ...what?

  3.  

    Cyrus pipes up: “The Catcher in the Rye. That’s my favorite book.” She smiles. J.D. Salinger’s classic may be, by law, every 17-year-old’s favorite book

    Meh, I read it when I was thirteen. I like it well enough. But “every 17-year-old’s favorite book” is a bit strong.

    LES MIS, DAMMIT.

    YES. Spork away!

    I shall. Twill be… amusing. And painful.

  4.  

    My favorite happens to be Downbelow Station.

    • CommentAuthorDanielle
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2010
     

    And I liked A Walk to Remember, but is Sparks really comparing himself to Hemingway? Wow.

  5.  
    I tried to read one of Sparks' books, and utterly failed. It was so...ordinary. And not ordinary in the sense of Jane Austen ordinary, which is actually extraordinary in the way it feels like my fleece pajamas, so comfy and familiar, with characters who seem like real people...Ordinary in the sense that I felt like any other B-rate author could have written it. And now, the guy seems so ARROGANT--calling his OWN book the quintessential coming of age story? Saying that HE HIMSELF has created a totally different genre? His wife must be a very forbearing woman.
  6.  

    I figured everybody on the internet already knew Sparks was simultaneously the captain, helmsman, financier, and chief architect of the SS Hilariously Self-unaware Pretension.

    Seriously though, when the day comes that the interview me about my literary success, I’m not gonna say shit about writing in interviews. Instead I’m gonna brag about really inconsequential things, like how it seems like I’m really pioneering in my Pokemon team even though it might look to the uninformed like I’m just being derivative, and how I’m doing the same thing all-time greats like Ash Ketchum were doing back in their day.

  7.  

    :/ Nicholas Sparks ≠ new genre or Hemingway. How does he get that? What does he think he’s writing?

    @ sansafro – What if the interviewer tries to ask you other questions?

  8.  

    I’ll pump-fake like I’m gonna answer them, and then somehow segue into how underrated Gyarados is.

    •  
      CommentAuthorAdamPottle
    • CommentTimeApr 16th 2010
     

    man gyarados is 4X weak to electric. Huge punk, nothing more.

  9.  

    yeah i could take him out with my pikachu

  10.  

    Just give him Earthquake and some EV points for his Sp. Def and he’ll be fine.

  11.  

    At least all the comments were pointing out all the stuff you mentioned, Inspector.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2010
     

    Ah, but what if the Pikachu has a Light Ball?

  12.  

    He came to our school last year. I got to listen to him. He fully admitted that he writes what he does because it sells. He’s not trying to be literary genius. He just wants to sell books. His first two books were never published because they sucked (his words), but they were a mystery and horror I think. He does mushy, romantic stuff because it sells.

    A couple of his books are based on family members, which is incredibly depressing because his books are all so… depressing.

  13.  

    He came to our school last year. I got to listen to him. He fully admitted that he writes what he does because it sells. He’s not trying to be literary genius. He just wants to sell books. His first two books were never published because they sucked (his words), but they were a mystery and horror I think. He does mushy, romantic stuff because it sells.

    Then why the hell does he act like he’s a great writer in this interview? He seems to think he’s God’s gift to the romance genre or something.

  14.  

    I don’t know, but he basically said, “You can write for money, or you can write for literary merit. You rarely get both, so I chose to write for money.”

  15.  

    Ah, but what if the Pikachu has a Light Ball?

    Then just give Gyarados that berry that reduces electric attacks.

    Then why the hell does he act like he’s a great writer in this interview? He seems to think he’s God’s gift to the romance genre or something.

    Yeah, that definitely screams “Ego”.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeApr 22nd 2010
     

    Seriously, though, he writes sappy chick-lit romances.

    What is a man doing writing chick lit in the first place?

    •  
      CommentAuthorarska
    • CommentTimeApr 22nd 2010
     

    TO THE SPARKSMOBILE TO INVESTIGATE IF HE OWNS DEFINITIVE PARTS OF MALE ANATOMY!

  16.  

    @Brandon
    To make money.

    The Notebook is based on his wife’s grandparents. A Walk to Remember is based on his sister. I think the rest he just pulls out of his ass.

    •  
      CommentAuthorarska
    • CommentTimeApr 22nd 2010
     

    Or bases on those but doesn’t tell you that. xD

    •  
      CommentAuthorAdamPottle
    • CommentTimeApr 22nd 2010
     

    gyarados can be dealt with by setting up stealth rock and getting sandstorm up. Shuckle or defensive tyranitar are good here.

  17.  

    Shuckle is worthless. You might as well just send out a rock.

    •  
      CommentAuthorAdamPottle
    • CommentTimeApr 22nd 2010
     

    shuckle IS a rock. It can set up anything.

  18.  

    shuckle IS a rock.

    My point exactly.

  19.  

    Dude, Bronzongs. They’re like living shields.

    •  
      CommentAuthorhappycrab91
    • CommentTimeApr 22nd 2010 edited
     
    sansafro your pokemon idea is freaking awesome and I love how confident you are in a joking manner that you'll be a great success one day. I'm like that, but I'm sure you have a much higher chance than me because I hardly write anymore. Well you people sure know a lot about the technical stuff about pokemon. I'm a pretty bad trainer and don't worry about nature and IV and EVs and I don't know cool strategies or anything. I've almost finished Kanto in SoulSilver.
    Anywayz yeah this Sparks stuff is hilarious. I kinda wanna be like him if I ever get successful though. Cos I'm pretty sure my writing will be kind of bad but still do really well like all the other crap that does really well. So I'll purposely be hilariously pretentiously self-unaware for the lulz (wait then I wouldn't be self-unaware...). Actually nah if I'm ever interviewed I'd be very blunt and truthful about what I think. Like saying I write mostly for the money and that I was inspired by Meyer and Paolini because I thought if their crap can sell really well mine can, too.