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You’re doing a lot of telling, and not very much showing. Describe the hustle and bustle of the marketplace, show how people push, shove, and swear to the front of the crowd and the cheapest merchandise, and you will not need to tell the reader that everyone is desperate for inexpensive goods. Don’t tell us that the guards are effective at stopping crime, but paint a picture in the reader’s mind of just how intimidating the guards are, and we can figure it out for ourselves that their presence deters criminals.
Thanks for sharing, and good luck with your writing.
On the other hand, don’t go overboard with showing. If the marketplace isn’t as important as other locations, we don’t want to waste too much time there.
Well if its important, then flesh out its defining details and go from there.
The only thing I noticed as I read through was that you use a lot of “heres” and “theres.” These are, 99.9 percent of the time, unneeded, IMO. Just tell us where in explicit terms.
Also, (and I’m sure you’ve heard this before :) ) try to stay away from “is.” Verbs are fun to play with, and “is” in particular seems to slow the action. In my opinion, of course.
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