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    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2009
     

    xD

    That was Winsome™.

  1.  

    When going for the Twilight movie(s):
    1. Carry garlic bread
    2. Label your garlic bread ‘Edward Repellant’
    3. Take a vial of water, call it Holy Water and cleanse the place
    4. Take a big stake which you will always carry around
    5. Take several smaller stakes to pierce all Edward cuttings’ hearts
    6. Give your pities to RPatz, I never thought truly having THE Axe effect could be so traumatizing :(

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2009
     

    Yeah… I kinda feel pity for him, though he does act a little douchey in interviews. And oh dear lord, since ignoring hygiene doesn’t seem to get rid of the fangirls anyway, WASH YOUR HAIR.

    Seriously though, apparently the poor man has only had one week off so far this year >.<

  2.  

    When i first saw this hairdo i thought a cat had died on his head…

  3.  

    HOW IS THAT ATTRACTIVE.

    SHAMPOO IT. SHAVE IT. SOMETHING!!

  4.  

    As the deliciously unwilling sex god himself often nervously observes in interviews: ‘Honestly, it’s Edward Cullen, the character I play, who women are in love with, not me.’
    And he’s right. The reason why Robsession is in a different league to any normal chiselled hottie is because Cullen, hero of Twilight and New Moon, is the sexiest character that could ever be created for womankind.
    Let me explain. He’s an all-powerful, perfectly formed male who is in love with Bella, the quirky girl next door. Swoon.

    Um, that’s not at all the plot of every single romantic novel ever.

    But here’s the twist: as a vampire, he must hold back for fear of losing control and sucking her blood. This makes him conflicted, boiling with tortured passion, but oh-so-gentle when at her side. Double swoon.

    No, it does not make him “conflicted” or “burning with tortured passion.” That makes him dangerous: ergo, he is undesirable by anyone with any self-preservation instinct whatsoever.

    He calls himself the ‘world’s most dangerous predator’, but plays Debussy on the piano. Need I go on?

    Don’t. Please don’t.

    He never sleeps, watching over her day and night to make sure she is safe – and intervenes with terrifying effect the moment she is in danger. I mean, how can we girls resist?

    Quite easily, actually, once you realize he’s a stalker with a hero complex.

    Also, Twilight has taken over Time Magazine. I was so happy to be reading about college presidents… and then I got this.

    Megan Tingley is my new worst enemy.

  5.  

    Okay, okay, I need to revise my complaint. I just saw a clip of Rob from the Potter movies and he looks very respectable there. It’s this new look….

    Quite easily, actually, once you realize he’s a stalker with a hero complex.

    ^ That pretty much sums it all up. Thanks!

  6.  

    A girl in my chemistry class was reading New Moon today in preparation for the movie. Of course, being the wonderful opinionated person that I am, I immediately said, “Edward Cullen’s a creeper.”

    Of course, she disagreed, and she asked why. I said that he comes in Bella’s room, at night, without permission, and then sits in her room and watches her sleep. This is known as stalking and is probably illegal in several states.

    Her response: That’s not creepy, that’s so romantic.

    facepalm

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2009
     

    I asked my dad if it would be okay if I go to New Moon at midnight, and he asked what it was, so I told him, and he was all “Ew! Why would you ever want to watch that?” I sort of agreed so we compromised that he wouldn’t disown me if I waited until opening to day to watch it. XD Gotta love my dad.

  7.  

    Are you a Twilight Know-it-all? Find out now!

    I got four out of six. Woo-hoo! I failed!

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    I got 9 out of 10, despite never having read or seen any of it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    Whooo 7 out of 10, I should have gotten 8 but they messed up the werewolf question. I chose “They turn into a werewolf when they are mad.” But apparently that was wrong, the correct one was “when they were threatened”, despite the fact that Jacob’s werewolf pals get mad at each other and brawl as werewolf’s throughout New Moon. =/

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    Cracked.com wins forever. Top Six Most Unintentionally Creepy Movie Romances

    Guess what made #1?

  8.  

    5 out of 10 answered correctly
    CLUMSY BELLA
    You did okay, but you stumbled along the way – are you Bella? We know you can do better – think of what Charlie would say! Brush up on all the New Moon madness at

    No, I AM NOT BELLA. And I really should have gotten 3/5; I guessed on two questions. ;)

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    Really?
    I was

    AS PERFECT AS EDWARD

    Do you sparkle in the sunlight? You must be a Cullen – that’s the only way you could score so highly! Congrats – and please don’t bite us!

    I feel dirty.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    So… does that mean Moldorm is a 108 year-old stalker who watches RVL at night? And does this mean RVL will throw herself off a cliff?

  9.  

    Heyyy Moldorm… Feeling dirty, are you? bats eyelashes

  10.  

    You have to wonder: How many high schools has Edward attended? How many high school girls have mooned over him? And here’s the real question that we’ve been dancing around: How many Bellas have there been? After all, a man doesn’t go to high school for 90 years without dating.

    We’re guessing that this guy has the creepiest scrapbook ever.

    Ohmygoodness, this is so true.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    That’s what I’ve been saying for a long time. xD

    Bella is probably about the 50th girl he’s stalked.

  11.  

    Are you a Twilight Know-it-all? Find out now!
    I got four out of six. Woo-hoo! I failed!

    7 out of 10 just using common sense and cultural osmosis.

    if I had used less common sense, probably would have had 10/10.

    (I will now be using this image everywhere)


    WATCHING NEW MOON

  12.  

    Um, Jacob’s Taylor’s hair is longer than mine is (actually, my hair hasn’t been that long since sixth grade), and is Bella supposed to look that pissed?

  13.  

    Hey, check the caption! (or submit your own)

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    She’s bored and probably feels awkward sitting between two male characters who are unarguably both many times more awesome than Edward.

  14.  

    Cracked.com wins forever. Top Six Most Unintentionally Creepy Movie Romances
    Guess what made #1?

    I sort of want to disagree with #5. It is (in a literal sense) an “interracial” romance, but they had to make it “beastly” to avoid the ACLU I bet.

    I’m more ashamed they didn’t do the obvious and mention the physical impossibilities of it. (someone once had a VERY detailed article on it but I’ll have to find it later)

    EDIT: Found it

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    What’s the girl behind Bella doing? Staring at the back of Mike’s chair, or just averting her eyes from the screen?

    two male characters who are unarguably both many times more awesome than Edward.

    I don’t know, Mike looks a bit gormless in that picture.

  15.  

    or just averting her eyes from the screen?

    If you were watching New Moon, wouldn’t you?

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    I don’t know, Mike looks a bit gormless in that picture.

    As I recall, he was in the middle of coming down with a flu in that scene and they left in the middle of the movie so he could go puke in the men’s room.

  16.  

    @Cracked.com New Moon Trailer

    “Yeah, you could jump off a cliff… or you could rent Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Aww, look how cute he was before he started wearing eyeliner and shopping at Hot Topic.”

    Haha.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    Flu or not, he looks rather gormless. And vaguely creepy, because he’s 17 and looks like a chubby 37 year old cubicle worker. o_0

    It’s weird, he was (kinda,sorta) cute in movie one. Well, compared to all the creepers, anyway.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    Looked a bit like a blond Edward Norton, in my opinion.

    •  
      CommentAuthorEbelean
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009
     

    My favorite Twilight quote:

    “ ‘Oh well. He IS unbelievably gorgeous.’ Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws. Which, in her book, it probably did.” -Bella
    Pretentious, much?

  17.  

    @Willow

    Which guy is 17 but looks 37?

  18.  

    @ Neurotic Platypus

    I think it’s Mike.

    Pretentious, much?

    “I like Edward because he’s nice and so chivalrous. He even watches me at night to make sure I don’t fall out of my bed, roll down the stairs, and tumble out of the house! It’s happened before, but it’s obviously because I’m clumsy..”

  19.  

    He even watches me at night to make sure I don’t fall out of my bed, roll down the stairs, and tumble out of the house!

    Teehee

  20.  

    :D

  21.  

    Well… there is no god.

    •  
      CommentAuthorsansafro187
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2009 edited
     

    - _________________________________________ –

    Advertising.

  22.  

    I saw Robsessed at Wal-Mart. Poor, poor RPattz.

    EDIT:
    Here’s a picture:

  23.  

    This is frightening.

    I don’t know which is the worst; is it the “Twilight” sweatshirt (“Edward can bite my pillows, break my headboard, and bruise my body anyday”), the idea of a Twilightcentric wedding, or the baby clothes (I’ve seen this really bad one… I’ll link to it later)? Or is it Bella’s womb, The Panties, or a toilet? A New Moon bed?

    I’m skipping the Twilight “toy.”

    Now, don’t tell me that isn’t some scary crap.

  24.  

    I wonder if it includes his fanbase trolling in ROBSESSED?

    ugh even the title makes my skin crawl

  25.  

    I noticed it because that was the cougar lady’s movie that she watches while her husband is at work.

    @hmyd

    Eww.

  26.  

    @hmyd
    My eyes are bleeding now, thank you

  27.  

    I don’t know what to think, NeuroticPlatypus and One of Lalaland. Am I supposed to be laughing or should we share the squick?

    Eh, let’s go with the later.

    Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew “I’m the next Edward Cullen?” What the frick, mothers.

  28.  

    Now that’s some messed up stuff.

  29.  

    http://www.cracked.com/article/201_the-6-most-unintentionally-creepy-movie-romances_p1

    Just read to the end.

    Although, posting n this section, I think I kinda spoiled it:P

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2009
     

    Sorry, Willow has already posted that a few posts back. ;)

    And I feel so sorry for Robert Pattinson. I just truly hope that when it is over he can shake off this horror and lead a full and productive life as an actor.

  30.  

    oops, sorry about that, then. my attention span has been under a lot of strain lately:P

  31.  

    I think Twilight phangurlz are best defined as ‘Rabid, seemingly everywhere and ready to compare Edward to other vampires (to the extent that i feel BAD for HIM)’

    So I was on youtube listening to Castlevania soundtracks, and some1 just had to say ‘Edward C. would totally kick Alucard’s ass’
    So naturally, all (calm) hell broke loose, Twilight bashing has now spread over all of SotN’s tracks and there’s plenty to read,
    My personal favourite:
    ‘Let’s compare them and see:
    Alucard: he can wield a variety of swords, shields, maces, axes along with throwing daggers, tomes and holy water (even a floating sword)
    he can summon spirits and also teleport around and spew forth fireballs
    he can turn into a wolf
    he can turn into a bad
    he can turn into mist
    he’s got the elegant badass nobleman look
    he defeats dracula

    Edward: he sparkles
    ...”

    And some1 replied to the above:
    “For edward, dont 4get, he exercises pedophilia”

    A link to Castlevania tunes to indulge you in it’s sheer awesomeness:
    The Tragic Prince:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO34ixsNZaE
    (There’s some Twilight bashing encased within too! Enjoy)

    Dracula’s Castle:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Qh_uhV0ta0&feature=related

    • CommentAuthorMorvius
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2009
     
    Ah...Youtube. The comments on the website are so ludicrous sometimes that you can't help but laugh hysterically.
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2009
     

    And every once in a while… you come across one that is just pure win.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2009
     

    And then there are the exceptionally horrifying… I was watching Waterloo on Youtube, and the person who posted it made honest-to-God anti-semitic comments. In all seriousness. It was some of the most disturbingly racist tripe I’ve ever seen. It was at nazi-skinhead levels of racist/violent. Shudder

  32.  

    NPR FTW.

    I heard it this morning. NPR wins forever!

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2009
     

    Ehhh, I remember a while back they interviewed a pro writer and she was like “OMG TWLIGHT RLZ!!!11!”

  33.  

    In some speech class I had last fall we were watching something called “Tough Guise” on Youtube about how contemporary culture equates manliness with violence or some other such thing, and the main guy was this irritating guy with a girlish lilt to his voice. At any rate, when the TA put it up on the projector, we could read the latest comment, which read:

    THIS GUY IS AN ENORMOUS HOMO

    The class cracked up for the better part of a minute before the TA realized what we were laughing at and scrolled up.

  34.  

    The Hogwarts Professor is defending Twilight.

    I’m sorry, Nate, but I didn’t even see anything about HP on there before I found his Twilight defence stuff.

  35.  

    Yeah, that’s why I recommend his books more than site.

    Though I thought he moved all of his twilight stuff to “forks high school professor”.

    •  
      CommentAuthorDiamonte
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009 edited
     

    Meh. My mother says I can’t wear an Anti-Twilight shirt to the movie, because she says I’m just doing it for the attention, apparently. I’m probably just going to make one and wear it anyways, just for the lulz.

    Anyways, I’m still kind of excited in a dreading sort of way. I’m bringing a notebook along with me so I can write down parts of my review of New Moon during the movie.

  36.  

    Seems like we’ll almost need some kind of II “symposium” for the film.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     

    Urgh, I was trying to keep a record today of how much Twilight merchandise I saw and how many Twilight conversations I overheard, but I gave up when I heard a bunch of guys talking about New Moon. Specifically, how the one guy was going to go see it (presumably with his girlfriend), but no one was like “Twilight’s retarded” or commented on his masculinity or anything. And no girls were in the conversation. And all of the guys involved are completely heterosexual.

  37.  

    Urgh, I was trying to keep a record today of how much Twilight merchandise I saw and how many Twilight conversations I overheard, but I gave up when I heard a bunch of guys talking about New Moon. Specifically, how the one guy was going to go see it (presumably with his girlfriend), but no one was like “Twilight’s retarded” or commented on his masculinity or anything. And no girls were in the conversation. And all of the guys involved are completely heterosexual.

    Oh, well maybe I can go by myself without getting a call from Chris Hansen.

    Last chance for any gals in the area to join me for a free “movie”.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     

    Har har. If I was in your area I totally would. As it is, I may find myself going alone (my friends are too anti to see the opportunity for lulz to be had, apparently).

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     

    I don’t think I’ll be going either. My friends are all Twilight-neutral, and I don’t feel like funding New Moon without someone to snark with.

  38.  

    Every screening is sold out here anyway, even if I wanted to go purely to troll. Besides, the odds of somebody being physically harmed is far too high if I did.

  39.  

    I agree with every single part of sansafro’s comment.

    I know people who will attend a midnight showing, even though they have school. Psh.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     

    Oh boy, bet you fifty percent of my school either skips tomorrow or sleeps through the entire day. After all, it’s how long, one and a half or two hours? So you start watching at 12:01, don’t get done until nearly 2, and then you still have to go home and go to sleep… not adding in “SQUEEEE EDWARD” time with your friends, texting to your friends after they go home about “SQUEEEE EDWARD”, and IMing your friends once you get home about “SQUEEE EDWARD”.

    So basically, they aren’t going to go to bed.

    The local movie theater started selling tickets weeks ago… and they all sold out like instantly.

  40.  

    The school I sub at has a half-day tomorrow for a teacher inservice thinger. I really, really hope they don’t call me in.

  41.  

    Oh boy, bet you fifty percent of my school either skips tomorrow or sleeps through the entire day. After all, it’s how long, one and a half or two hours? So you start watching at 12:01, don’t get done until nearly 2, and then you still have to go home and go to sleep… not adding in “SQUEEEE EDWARD” time with your friends, texting to your friends after they go home about “SQUEEEE EDWARD”, and IMing your friends once you get home about “SQUEEE EDWARD”.

    Man, I remember that with LotR and the Dark Knight.

    Uh- wait a sec.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     

    Ok Nate, try to explain that comment.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     

    Well, you could always turn the offer down… right? (although I guess that depends on how it’s set up. My sister is a sub with pretty much the whole county school districts, because a bunch of them are all under one school district head, so there’s a big pool for them to draw from if she decides to turn down a job)

  42.  

    I can, but with my student loans starting to come in next month I can’t really afford to pass up the money. Besides, my mom works there and would get mad at me, and I want the administrators to like me so they don’t assign me to the crappy classes where someone might shiv me.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2009
     
    Ahh. Well, in that case, best of luck, and may you survive the onslaught.
  43.  

    @ Willow:

    He could, but I really don’t think I want to hear it.

  44.  

    Gee, look what made another cracked list.

    (it’s like there’s some big event they’re replying to…)

  45.  

    I have to go to a movie theater today to meet up with a friend (we’re not going in, just meeting halfway)

    I hope it’s not too crowded.

    • CommentAuthorRocky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     
    "Marvel Heroes: Twi-Harder":http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKXqB6Zs4YE
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009 edited
     

    Apparently at the local 10-screen movie theater, 1300 people showed up. And that may not even have been everyone. And my town only has like 1700 people total. headdesk

    Incidentally, my final total for today of Twilight conversations overheard (without even trying or counting the ones I instigated) was 12, or 2 for each class I was in + lunch. Four of those took place before second hour.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009 edited
     
    •  
      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009 edited
     

    I’m going to New Moon tonight. I hope it will be lulzy instead of unbearable.

    BTW, yesterday in my anthropology class, I saw a fellow student with a shirt that said “Twilight Sucks” on it. I want to know where he got it.

  46.  

    I heard it actually is pretty unintentionally funny. I hope for your sake I heard right.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPearl
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    A girl in my class had “I like boys that GLITTER” socks on today, and a shirtless Jacob shirt.

    Also I talked to a girl who is writing a research paper on the bad effects of Twilight on the teenage population.

    You win some, you lose some, I guess.

  47.  

    I think that I’ll go to the midnight premiere of Eclipse if it comes out in the summer… with a special shirt of my own creation.

    • CommentAuthorRocky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009 edited
     
    If I didn't know any better, I'd call you lot Twilight fans. To be honest, I'm somewhat embarrassed. With the amount of time collectively spent bashing and criticizing the books and subsequent films, I'm shocked at how you're all willing to bolster their box office earnings.

    The only time you'll catch me near anything Twilight-related will be when it's on fire and I'm holding the matches.
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    I SAID NOTHING.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    WHAT SHE SAID

    • CommentAuthorRocky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     
    I'd rather have month-long episodes of explosive diarrhea and vomiting.

    Which is what watching that trash would likely do to me.
    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    Made. of. WIN. That is what this is. They’re recaps of all the books, with amazing snarky commentary. Read them, please. She refers to werewolfing as “fursplosion”. Come on, you know you want to.

  48.  

    Oh my gosh!

    I had no idea that you guys didn’t know about Cleolinda (I mean, I have linked to her, but I suppose no one reads my links). Do what Willow said and read her stuff; it’s awesome!

  49.  

    I’ve read it H.W it’s not completely ignored. ;-)

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    If I didn’t know any better, I’d call you lot Twilight fans. To be honest, I’m somewhat embarrassed. With the amount of time collectively spent bashing and criticizing the books and subsequent films, I’m shocked at how you’re all willing to bolster their box office earnings.

    One of my biggest pet peeves is when people criticise something they know next to nothing about. Therefore, I went to see New Moon and I have loads of terrifically scathing things to say about it. I don’t particularly care whether or not I bolster their earnings, because they’ll get the rest of the movies made whether I see them or not.

  50.  

    ^^There. That’s what I was trying to think of to say. Whenever I criticize things I have never seen/read based on preconceived notions, people say, “Well how do you know if you haven’t seen/read it?” So I need to see the movies, though I’m not sure I can withstand the torture of reading another one of the books.

    Plus, it’s fun to openly oppose Twilight in a sea of fans.

  51.  

    I saw that Cleolinda person referenced in some pro review, although I forgot whose. Also, I agree with Spanman mostly. Informed snark/trolling is much more powerful than snark/trolling based on hearsay.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    Pro? Cleolinda calls it a twinkie at best, and mocks it tons. And it is so, so funny.

    And yes, don’t knock it till you try it- then feel free to mock away.

  52.  

    Pro as in one of the New Moon reviews on metacritic.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    I must confess that, after just seeing the New Moon movie, I didn’t find it to be awful beyond belief. In fact, I actually liked Jacob and the wolves. I think the idea of wolves who guard humanity from vampire attacks is awesome.

    The one major flaw I recall from the movie is that Bella’s character is contradictory. For someone who obsesses over Edward as much as she does, Bella doesn’t seem to have a problem cheating on him with Jacob.

    Oh, and do wolves and other canines really have glowing eyes? I thought that was a feline characteristic.

  53.  

    Oh, and do wolves and other canines really have glowing eyes? I thought that was a feline characteristic.

    Dogs’ eyes do reflect light like cats’ do.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    I see they do. Thanks for the info.

  54.  

    Yeah, he always struck me as the character with the most potential pre-kissforcing and fetusloving, but maybe I’m just overidentifying. I’ve seen more FB posts about him than I have about Edward in the last 48 hours, at least.

  55.  

    Excuse my mild dislike towards Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black. I’ve been listening to teenage girls swooning over him. :/

    And I’ve been overhearing conversations about people swooning over him.

    :/

    • CommentAuthorRocky
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     
    I can draw very accurate conclusions about a film just based upon trailers, footage, and featurettes. And even if I couldn't, I'd rather eat glass than throw away money to see it.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 20th 2009
     

    I, however, would do rather a lot of things worse than simply paying to see a crappy movie before I’d eat glass. But to each his own.