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    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeFeb 29th 2012
     

    Those people are so strange.

    That’s probably the best and most efficient way to sum it up.

  1.  
    bq. I do not agree with that quote; it seems to be saying “do edgy and new things for the sake of them and you’ve written a good story!” which I think is silly. If one is always trying to break taboo in writing, it’s just a bunch of sensationalized idiocy.

    For the record, that article in full is just describing society's reaction. It's not actually advocating that you should write shock. Seriously, it's a really good article; go and read it in full.
    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2012
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeMar 26th 2012
     

    I recently tried to have a conversation with my female in-laws about how terrible the film Breaking Dawn Part 1 was, especially dragging the abortion issue in and making such a mess of it. Surprisingly, they seem to think this has been the best Twilight movie so far. I’m still reeling from the experience… =/

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 26th 2012
     

    I wish you hadn’t mentioned in-laws. Now I can’t say anything.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeMar 26th 2012
     

    Haha…it was awful, I was drowned out by the sheer number of voices in the opposition. Oh well, I heard that the trailer for Pt 2 got booed a lot this weekend by the Hunger Games crowd.

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 26th 2012
     

    I have much hope for female fans of the Hunger Games...

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeMar 26th 2012
     

    Indeed. I noticed that they decided to finally ditch the whole “sparkle-in-sunlight” vampire thing in the movies during Breaking Dawn. I wonder if that was on purpose or if they just forgot…

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    It must have been on purpose. There’s going to be plenty of sunlight everywhere, no matter how bad the weather’s supposed to be in the books, and if they were to stay true to the whole “sparkle every time contact is made with sun” thing, they’d be glittering almost every damn second.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    I’ve seen a lot of fans trying to cover this up with lame excuses like “They weren’t in direct sunlight so they wouldn’t sparkle”. Yeah, that argument holds a lot of weight…

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    My thoughts were always that even in artificial light, they would sparkle. I mean, if their skin’s like diamond, all gems sparkle in fake light too. So…they’d be sparkling in the hallways of that unrealistic high school they go to.

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    But Meyer knows her SCIYAAAHNS!! You don’t dare dispute it. :P

    Yeah, that really makes no sense. And I don’t remember her ever accounting for any other light source.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    Yeah, I always wondered about that too, and that brings us around again to one of the fundamental problems with Meyer’s versions of supernatural creatures—she tries really hard to have pseudo-scientific reasons for the supernatural stuff (for some bizarre reason, as the backstory for how werewolves came to be in the first place is pretty much straight magic), but they always fail miserably because she didn’t take half a second to think them through first!

    The blood thing is the obvious one (not just the whole thing about how period blood apparently is different from other blood, but also how apparently no one the Cullens are around ever get papercuts or skin their knees or have a bloody nose), but there’s also the werewolf/vampire genetics (so becoming a vampire literally changes the number of genes you have? And it’s the same for werewolves? Sure. That makes logical sense.) and the whole sparkling-only-in-sunlight thing. If it really is a magic thing, then I should think the amount of sunlight wouldn’t matter nearly as much as the fact that it’s day and they’re outside. If it’s a science thing, on the other hand, then there’s no real reason why artificial light shouldn’t have the same effect.

    Maybe it’s not sunlight they react to, maybe it’s UV rays. But that still leaves the issue of why they can go out in partial sunlight…

    And what constitutes “direct sunlight”, anyway? Outside the tropics, you never get truly direct sunlight; even at noon, the sun will always be in the southern half of the sky (in the northern hemisphere, it’s the opposite in the southern hemisphere). So how direct does “direct” need to be?

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    And what constitutes “direct sunlight”, anyway?

    Dramatic pose in small pool of light with chimes in the background. Anything less is far too lame, so we will not even talk about it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure that it isn’t the UV light that makes their skin sparkle, which means if they just stood around in any kind of bright environment (school, for example) they would sparkle…

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2012
     

    @Sen – lol, nice.

  2.  
    i thought it was really deep when edward brought bella to the meadow. i mean he would only do that if he really cared about her its obvious that bella means a lot to edward and anyone who says otherwise is just ignorant ok. also the scene was even better in the movie when edward took off his shirt and sparkled my eyes started to sparkle as well if you know what i mean
  3.  

    i find your post relevant to my interests and would like to subscribe to your newsletter

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    she tries really hard to have pseudo-scientific reasons for the supernatural stuff

    but they always fail miserably because she didn’t take half a second to think them through first!

    but also how apparently no one the Cullens are around ever get papercuts or skin their knees or have a bloody nose)

    wat r u even talking abt?? meyers science is good and your just 2 stupid to see dat her idea is very logical and dead flesh crystalizes and bcoz it hardens n dat is why it sparkels. she did the research n yes they r lyk diamonds bt diamonds only really sparkle in pure sunlight and bella said that there skin reacts wierdly in other light. she explains everything oki? meyer thawt of everything and you cant see it bcoz it is just too suttel for u. get a life oki?

    n as 4 the blood thing, carlisel said that saving ppl’s lives was more important oki and and edward doesnt want to becum a monster. and jasper does hav trouble cotrlling is thrist bcoz he is new to it. she writes very realistic characters n they r 2 complex 4 u to understand. also this story is 2 advanced 4 u. if u dont lyk it dont read. but dont make such stupid comments just bcoz u cant understand it

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    omg swenson why are you jacob. jacob suuuuuks

  4.  

    i thought it was really deep when edward brought bella 2 teh meadow. i mean he would only do that if he really crd abt her its obvious that bella means a lot 2 edward and anyone who says otehrwise is just ignorant ok. also teh scene was even better in teh movie when edward 2ok off his shirt and sparkled my eyes started 2 sparkle as well if u know wut i mean

    i agree

    edward is just so deeeep u no? he has deep filisofiakal thots of deepness that are deep.

  5.  

    ^ Soooooooooo deep.

  6.  

    just like all those blank pages wen he leves bella.

    those blank pages made m stop and tink

    wat lis life wort witout luv

    also that part made me cry so mugh omg
    it was so deep and beutiful and sad and wehenver i re read it i have to skip those pages becuz it makes me crie too much

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    @Soup – no, you suck.

    Everyone knows Bella and Jacob are TRUE LOVES. Stupid ol’ Edward Constipation-Face should have just died in Italy. Everyone knows vampires are evil anyway. Clearly freaky shapeshifting werewolves are far superior.

    just liek all those blank pages wen he leves bella.

    those blank pages made m s2p and tink

    I laugh at those pages, because I’m so happy Edward is gone. Edward sucks, and if you like him you suck too and probably like lame things like the Hunger Games or Dracula.

    flounces off to cry about stupid EDWARD PEOPLE on Tumblr or wherever the cool kids flounce off to these days

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    Everyone knows Bella and Jacob r TRUE LOVES. Stupid ol’ Edward Constipation-Face should have just died in Italy. Everyone knows vampires r evil anyway. Clearly freaky shapeshifting werewolves r far superior.

    YOUR JUST JEALOUS OF BEDWARD’S LOVE.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    Lol, Bedward. I forgot how amusing that Portmanteau Couple Name is.

    What’s the Jacob/Bella name? Jella? Maybe Jelly, as in “u jelly Bella ends up with Edward”? Or Bacob… bacon?

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    jesabella duh

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    Bacob

    thats it

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    Vanella! I support Vanella!

    Because only Tyler’s van really has true luv for Bella!

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    And it’s such an appropriate name for a relationship involving Bella…

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    I think Vyler is a more appropriate fit.

  7.  

    Van + Bella = Ban

  8.  

    Vanella > Vyler.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    Vanella > Vyler.

    But what about Tyan?

  9.  
    ok ummm 1. that makes no sense and 2. team edward > all so yeah
    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2012
     

    ok ummm 1. that makes no sense and 2. team edward > all so yeah

    1 yes it does 2 what does my banner on all of my posts say oh yeah team edward

  10.  

    http://9gag.com/gag/3769468

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    That. Was. Beautiful.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    That. Was. Beautiful.

    And amazing, and fantastic, and hilarious, and stupendous, and on and on.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    Wow. Hahahaha, that was awesome!

    •  
      CommentAuthorRorschach
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    So I started a new website, and I figured this would be a better place for it than creating a brand-new thread.

    http://texts-from-edward.tumblr.com/

    Not that I intend a threadjacking, of course.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    Ahaha, that is fantastic. Please keep it going!

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    I like that version of Bella. She seems… well, normal.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    Ahaha, continue that. It’s hilarious.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeApr 12th 2012 edited
     

    That. Is. Hilarious!!! Love it, haha, keep it going!

    I recently finished reading through the first Twilight book and posted my thoughts in a blog. A lot of it is stuff that’s been pointed out before on this site, but if you want to check it out, here’s the link:

    Twilight Book Review

    Let me know what you think. I’m planning on doing a video review/riff of the films some time in the near future. There’s just so much material to make fun of, it never gets old.

  11.  

    OH MY GOSH. Rorschach, texts from edward is YOU??

    Not that I’m surprised, but that is so cool!

    fangirls

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeApr 30th 2012
     

    Automatic follow. Brilliant.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2012
     

    Does anyone else follow Das Sporking’s Twilight Sporkings.

    They’re rather amusing.

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2012 edited
     

    Oh yeah, I followed those for a while at Klutor’s suggestion.

    where are you

    And that’s also how I found out about Ariana Black. My word. Draco gets all rapey….

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2012
     

    I followed one of the links on that thing to find that there was a male protagonist who was more creepy, abusive and dominating than Edward Cullen.

    I’m in New Moon at the moment. The spite fics are really awesome.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2012
     

    I’ve been following the stuff there for a while.

    And I’m pretty much caught up on most of the sporkings. I’ve skipped some because I don’t know the source material.

    I gave up on Ariana Black after a while, because it was just too much with so little happening. I’m still not sure which is worse – Ariana Black or Rose Potter.

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 2nd 2012
     

    I actually have their page bookmarked. Most of their stuff is really good but i haven’t had a chance to read it all. And Rose Potter is the worst.

    •  
      CommentAuthorEbelean
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2012
     

    The Bella in Texts from Edward is actually sane. It’s a nice change.

    On another note, some of those fics that they’re sporking…not exactly sane.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2012 edited
     

    I kind of got a kick out of the fact they’re sporking Cassandra Clare’s work and the 50 Shades of Gray. Simply because they’re both glorified fanfic.

    I also like that they bring up both sides of Imprinting, which I think is easily the creepiest most fetish heavy thing in the series. The thing is disturbing from the guy’s point of view because it completely destroys their personality (Sam, you like Leah? Too bad, you’re going to like Emily now and you don’t have a choice. Quil, Jacob, you’re not pedos? Well, we can fix that can’t we?) and horrifying from the women’s point of view. (Emily, you don’t like Sam? Off with your face! That’ll teach you to have a personality! Claire, you know your ‘Uncle’ Quil, yeah, he wants to sleep with you now.)

    I’m sure this has been brought up before but, I’m too lazy to look at all the posts I don’t think this can be said enough.

  12.  

    Dead Ed is a feminine hygiene product — you may have heard this before

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2012
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2012
     

    I heard that RPattz got Daniel Radcliff to read the books, but Daniel thought there was only one book. So, when RPattz told them that there were four in a text, Daniel sent him back something that was likely not all that flattering.

    (I can’t find this story online, but I remember reading it)

  13.  

    I remember reading that, and it was Rupert Grint. He had to read them as a condition of losing a bet.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2012
     

    So the new Twilight: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 trailer came out, and Yahoo! had an article up about it. The only thing really notable about it is that Kristen Stewart tries to turn Bella into a bad ass and ends up looking rather ridiculous. But in the comments section of the article, I found this gem posted by a Patrick H:

    “I went to the store the other day, bought some silver glitter and put it into a bottle, showed it to my daughter and told her it was Edward’s ashes… she is still not speaking to me”

    I just about fell out of my seat after reading that, I laughed so hard!

  14.  

    That’s actually pretty badass- slay a vampire and wear his remains on your face as war paint.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2012
     

    “I went to the store the other day, bought some silver glitter and put it into a bottle, showed it to my daughter and told her it was Edward’s ashes… she is still not speaking to me”

    Whoever this person is has my unending respect. That is awesome.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2012
     

    So I just finished reading the Twilight “Saga”, and I have to say that the final book was just as bad as everyone has said. I’m not really sure how to compare them to the movies now. On the one hand, the movies seem to try to take out some of the more ludicrous elements of the story and skip over a lot of SMeyer’s attempts at explaining things (which were frankly quite silly, if not outright stupid). But on the other hand, they leave in so many plot points that aren’t well explained that they literally make no sense. I’m not sure which is worse: the movies which make no sense because there’s no explanation, or the books which try to explain things by pulling stuff out of the author’s…well yeah. I also felt like when Bella finally got around to trying to protect Renesme, she became just a little bit more likeable. Sure she was still just as Sueish as ever, with that Deus Ex Machina “shield”, but it was better than all of the other hundreds of pages of her emo angst that she was going to die and it was better this way cause no one else would get hurt. It finally felt like she cared enough about something to be involved in the plot, rather than whine while everyone else did everything for her. It didn’t save the character, but it showed what she could have possibly been if she were more active and acted like she gave a crap about something other than Edward.

  15.  

    das_mervin has finally finished that boring Bree Tanner and is ready to start Breaking Dawn!!! I swear, I’ve been waiting for what feels like a year for her to get to this stage.

    Unfortunately, however, she also wants to take a break before tackling the weirdest of the weird. So more waiting. Hmph.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2012
     

    Just going to leave this here.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmxSk0wZxss

    “you slapped a fiiiish!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2012
     

    Oh man, I love that so much. I’m honestly laughing just remembering that line.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2012
     

    Hehe, ok that was funny! =D

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2012
     

    “you’re a dork! You’re psychotic!”

    Truer words never spoken.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFalling
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2012
     

    Anyone seen the last Twilight movie? I’ve never seen any except a Rifftraxx version of the first so I doubt I’ll see this one either. Movie Bob from escapist seems to think its so bad it’s good.

    I like Roger Ebert’s near last closing thought on his review: “I have now seen something like 10 hours about these vampires as they progress through immortality, and I’d rather see either version of “Nosferatu” that many times.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeNov 29th 2012
     

    Twilight, condensed into 18 panels.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeDec 2nd 2012
     

    ....

    His hair reminds me of Johnny Bravo.

  16.  

    Well, Edward is basically Johnny Bravo taken seriously.

  17.  
    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeDec 8th 2012
     

    Good article. It pretty much sums up a lot of my issues with the book.

  18.  

    Twilight, condensed into 18 panels.

    HA.

    • CommentAuthorMr.Doobie
    • CommentTimeDec 10th 2012
     

    Has anyone mentioned how awesome the ending to the Breaking Dawn movie is yet/

    I mean, don’t get me wrong, Breaking Dawn was still an awful movie, for the same reasons all the movies are bad, and Nostalgia Chick already did a thing on this, but man…. they took this awful, anti-climax with no stakes and ALMOST gave it stakes (pun not intended) and consequences! Vampires were ripping each others heads off! Main characters were dying! The audience was loosing their collective poop!

    •  
      CommentAuthorThea
    • CommentTimeDec 10th 2012
     

    The almost was definitely the best part. Everyone in my theater though was surprised when it wasn’t real.

    • CommentAuthorDanielle
    • CommentTimeJan 4th 2013 edited
     

    Posting it here because I can’t stop laughing.

    How Breaking Dawn Part 2 Should Have Ended

    •  
      CommentAuthorThea
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2013
     

    This review of Breaking Dawn is fantastic, and the discussion about the (in her words) truth in the untruth of the birth scene has a really interesting perspective.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2013
     

    That was beautiful.

  19.  

    Whoa. Meyer could have written a really awesome horror novel.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2013
     

    Jacob would never choose to stay with this family Meyer has constructed without magical duress.

    You know…Meyer really did miss her calling. This alone would have been a truly wonderful and chilling horror story.

    •  
      CommentAuthorThea
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2013
     

    Whoa. Meyer could have written a really awesome horror novel.

    I think it was pointed out somewhere in the comments that she probably wouldn’t have even come close if she had any control over what she was writing. Which is just…very likely, and also a very interesting way of thinking about it. In some ways the series is just so raw, it’s almost inappropriate.

  20.  

    I know the reviewer said that one of the reasons it is so horrifying is that Meyer was almost certainly not doing it on purpose.

    It would have been pretty cool, though, if some editor or someone had read it and helped shape it into a horror novel.

    This also sounds like an interesting article topic: Why Breaking Dawn Could Have Been a Fantastic Horror Novel.

    •  
      CommentAuthorThea
    • CommentTimeJan 7th 2013
     

    I’d love to try to write an article like that, but I’d have to read the book…all the books rather. But I barely made a dent in Twilight, so I guess it’s up to someone stronger than me :)

  21.  

    Now here’s the really important question:

    Should we put talk about the Host movie in here? (I only hope it is as funny as BD2)

    Man, i could do a whole routine. “Yeah I cried at breaking dawn. From laughing so much.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJan 29th 2013
     

    We could always change the title to the General Smeyer thread if people want. Or not change the title but just talk about it anyway, which is what we seem to do the rest of the time. See: the Maradonia thread.

  22.  

    Or not change the title but just talk about it anyway, which is what we seem to do the rest of the time. See: the Maradonia thread.

    I vote for this. Remember the terrible Small and Large Victories change a while a back? Terrible times.

  23.  

    Will people have that much to say about ‘The Host’? Seems rather forgettable to me.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2013
     

    Then again there might be more to say since the entire story will be contained in one film.

    And as far as horrifically wasted potential goes, I think The Host takes the cake.

  24.  

    What Spanman says.

    The set up for it is far more intriguing to me than “immortal person falls in love with mortal”. I haven’t read it or know much, but knowing the author, I bet it is wasted potential.

    At least the trailer for it introduced me to Imagine Dragons, WHO ARE AWESOME. (and I do all the time anyway)

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2013
     

    Would you believe that I spent the first third of the book thinking, holy crap, is it possible that Stephanie Meyer could write a good book with a plot that’s both engaging and intriguing? Then it got into all the love triangle business and the ending was the most dastardly cop-out ever and made me shake my fist for the sake of what could have been. That first third was a good time, though.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2013
     

    I found myself too reminded of Amimorphs to have the heart to open the book. I just couldn’t let Meyer ruin my childhood memories and trauma.

    •  
      CommentAuthorNorthmark
    • CommentTimeJan 30th 2013
     

    Not only is the ending a copout, but the middle of the book has a good 100-200 pages where virtually nothing happens. It’s not even like Twilight, in which nothing happens but at least it doesn’t feel very long.

    Also, Cheetos product placement.

  25.  


    Ah, I feel better now.

  26.  

    Yes, yes it is:

  27.  

    OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

    WE MUST SUPPORT!

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2013
     

    Oh, squee.

  28.  

    We need to have like an entire II section. Pryotra, you want to be my date for it? XD

    •  
      CommentAuthorPryotra
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2013
     

    Sure, though it might be a little hard since I’m pretty sure we live in different states. XD

  29.  

    I listened to music written for Twilight

    What a waste of good music.