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  1.  

    I reject your foul ten points! Faust makes this day no deals with Mephistopheles!

    Then I want your marriage!

    You ain’t flaming me, brother. I wasn’t sure just how far I was willing to take the argument, but rest assured that there is a logical conclusion and that you and I are both inching toward it.

    Not you, I meant general board. Remember that we’re not the only ones here.

    The original question was more like this. I’m a guy. Worse, I’m a teenage guy. I think girls as a group are kinda cute and funny.

    Remains true as you get older.

    I’m respectful about it, but that’s the essential position. Then I find out about this book all the previously mentioned girls really like, which happens to contain this one significant plot point that I, individually, find completely abhorrent. And it’s not like a bad 80s movie where the blood and sex is an incidental element that can be cut out without affecting the plot. It’s not a tease; it’s the whole point of the entire series. This? This repulsive, uber-squicky scene is what Bella (with whom everyone identifies, keep in mind) has been waiting for this whole time? Obviously everyone on this site doesn’t need a restatement of the problem from me, but I would like to know what the general trend is after reading THAT. I’d like to believe most people are turned off pretty forcefully, but I’m not sure.

    [sniff] It’s always entertaining to see another young one take his first step towards cynicism…

    Soon you’ll be as bitter and cranky as me! Or Spanman!

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     
    Technically, at this precise moment on this topic we ARE the only ones on the board. lol.

    Remains true as you get older.

    So it seems.

    First step? Au contraire, I am that most head-scratching of contradictions, the idealistic pessimist. Coming from a military background does wonders for the sharp edge of your sense of humor.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     

    Let’s avoid a flame war, but I have to wonder how much of it all might play in the culture view of abortion. It seems lately to be a common view (of men and women) of children less as blessings and more as parasites.

    Excuse me? What the hell? I don’t even know how to respond to that without swearing profusely. I was aware you were pro-life, Nate, sure, avoid an argument, but to actually say something as wrong as that…

  2.  

    Excuse me? What the hell? I don’t even know how to respond to that without swearing profusely. I was aware you were pro-life, Nate, sure, avoid an argument, but to actually say something as wrong as that…

    I hope Jeni’s just sarcastically messing with me. Otherwise I’ll have to cry.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     
    Oh, no. It begins... *looks with terrified horror at the flames* What have I done?
  3.  

    If you tore my Jeni away from me… they’ll have to invent new words invented for your suffering!

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     
    You kidding me? I'm the noob here, you should know better! Look at what you've done! Gotten me addicted to TvTropes, right after I finally got out of rehab for the webcomic thing, then involved me in a flamewar and made me completely derail this thread! You...monster!
  4.  
    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     

    Hahah, oh you.

    Every time I see a section called “Dark Fantasy” in the bookshop, it makes me: D: Whether I like Twilight or not, the amount of rip offs is embarrassing. It’s such blatant money-whoring.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     
    People do say that everyone's been ripping off Tolkien since the fifties. Oh look, I just opened my big mouth again.
  5.  

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     
    So, now that Nate's not around to post My Little Pony screencaps, any other informed opinions on the originally on-topic question I was asking?
  6.  

    Inkblot, if you think only I post ponies…

    Go check out the absolutely random thread.

  7.  
    Where you only post Ponies.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     

    Soon you’ll be as bitter and cranky as me! Or Spanman!

    For a second there I considered being offended, but in my cold and bitter shell of a heart I now see that in a clever, roundabout way you’re actually complimenting me. I’m even blushing.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     

    I am so confused right now.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 23rd 2011
     

    It’s Nate’s fault!

  8.  

    Soon you’ll be as bitter and cranky as me!

    Heeheehee.
    Time to unlock more true cynicism, then.

  9.  

    Okay, so to answer Inkblot’s question, circa 2008-09 I was in my early to mid teens and a fairly big Twilight fan. Not die-hard by any means, but into it enough that I still have to get it out of my system by writing crazy/uberserious fanfiction. It’s quite theraputic, really.

    Now, the birth horror scene: it didn’t affect me. I was just like, ‘oh, there’s some blood, there’s some more blood, Edward’s ripping into Bella to try and save her life, oh look, he’s vamping her, there’s a bit more blood, now a bunch of pain… Jacob’s just imprinted on Renesmee which is weird but I guess Stephenie knows what she’s doing… oh, Bella’s in pain… more pain… more pain… damn, is this never going to end?... oh, look, she’s woken up as a vampire and is all pretty and stuff, congrats, Bells!’

    You may have noticed that a) I wasn’t a very discerning or critical reader at that time, and b) gore scenes in books (unless they’re VERY hard-core, which this wasn’t) just don’t affect me.

  10.  

    b) gore scenes in books (unless they’re VERY hard-core, which this wasn’t) just don’t affect me.

    I’m guessing you’re the right person to read my stuff then. :-D

  11.  

    You know it :)

    • CommentAuthorRidureyu
    • CommentTimeJul 2nd 2011
     
    A thought.

    Would Twilight have been better if it starred Bella Abzug instead of Bella Swan?
  12.  

    I’m having fun having a Twilight argument on Facebook. My friend is trying to explain to me why the book is so much better than the movie. My point is that the book’s so bad, the movie’s an improvement.

  13.  

    ^Indeed.

    According to the writer from nowhere on youtube, Smeyer is now writing a fantasy book. You know, more fantasy-ish than her magnum opus?
    The guy put in tiny snippets from an interview where she revealed this. She said that it’s “real, actual fantasy – it has a map and everything”

    Ignoring the obvious Eragon reference – can any of you guys tell me where I can find the full interview?
    We need to brace ourselves for the impact.
    She got Vampires.
    She got Yeerks.
    Now she’s going after (presumably) elves….

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011 edited
     

    A… Smeyer fantasy?

    ...

    Someone please tell me I’m not the only one who is irrationally thrilled by that news. This is going to be the best thing ever. Imagine the sporkings! The Rifftrax of the inevitable movies! We’ll have enough material to work with to keep II busy for months! :DDDD

    •  
      CommentAuthorClibanarius
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011 edited
     
    bq. We’ll have enough material to work with to keep II busy for months! :DDDD

    How's that laugh go that Achmed the dead Terrorist does?
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011
     

    OK, here’s the article that mentions it.

    “It’s a fantasy that takes place in another world where people are using bows and arrows and swords. There’s a little bit of magic, but it’s a very limited form of magic. The characters are human, and some have the ability to use magic and some don’t. It’s pretty dark. People die. The main character is a 17-year-old girl, and she’s kind of cool.”

    A 17-year-old girl protagonist in a fantasy. I can feel the Sue already.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011
     

    “real, actual fantasy – it has a map and everything”

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011
     

    It’s a fantasy that takes place in another world where people are using bows and arrows and swords. There’s a little bit of magic, but it’s a very limited form of magic. The characters are human, and some have the ability to use magic and some don’t. It’s pretty dark. People die. The main character is a 17-year-old girl, and she’s kind of cool.”

    HOW DARE YOU PROFANE THE EXAMPLE OF TAMORA PIERCE?

    Is it weird that I want Smeyer’s world to be a blatant ripoff of Tortall, and for her to get her ass sued for plagiarism?

  14.  

    ...

    Why-y-y-y?

    •  
      CommentAuthorNinjaCat
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011
     

    “It’s pretty dark. People die.”

    Uh huh. Right. It’d probably another case of nameless underling 43. None of the main characters. You know what? I’d like to find some recently published fantasy book where one of the main characters dies. Please.

    I read the article, and she’s also planning another 1000 page book… about mermaids. MERMAIDS. You’ve go to be kidding me.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011 edited
     

    where one of the main characters dies. Please.

    I’m pretty sure some mains get killed off in the Tamora Pierce Tortall books. In the Alanna books Alanna’s brother ends up getting killed, along with her sentient pet cat (better than it sounds) and several important and well-loved minor characters. Oh, and one of her lovers gets killed too. And this is all in one book out of four.

    ... I think the Immortals and Protector of the Small series are less bloody for main characters, but still VERY bloody for minor characters.

  15.  

    I’d like to find some recently published fantasy book where one of the main characters dies. Please.

    A Song of Ice and Fire.

  16.  
    bq. I’d like to find some recently published fantasy book where one of the main characters dies. Please.


    Stephen King?
    •  
      CommentAuthorNinjaCat
    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2011
     

    I’ve been meaning to read A Song of Ice and Fire, but never got around to it. And also, facepalm, I just finished The Stand two days ago. Everyone dies.

    Back on topic… MERMAIDS! And the guide was 500+ pages? Wow. Just… wow.

  17.  

    I’d like to find some recently published fantasy book where one of the main characters dies. Please.

    The Magicians?

  18.  

    Back on topic… MERMAIDS!

    I don’t have a problem with mermaids (I have an idea to with mermaids that’s been ruminating in my head for a while), but with Smeyer’s history… poor mermaids.

  19.  

    You know what? I’d like to find some recently published fantasy book where one of the main characters dies. Please.

    I wouldn’t. I was so miserable at the death of (Game of Thrones spoiler)

    In principle, I’d like to find some fantasy where one of the main characters dies—but in practise, no, I don’t want to read that. Even if it’s realistic, dammit. constructs little shell around herself that the outside world can not penetrate

  20.  

    I can feel the Sue already

    Of course you can. Because she’s “kind of cool”.
    I like my characters, I think they’re cool… but I would never say that in an interview.
    Thanks for digging up the link, BTW, swenson.

    @Taku – you know, it’s funny: the moment I heard that, I thought of you and Asahel. Immediately.

    I just finished The Stand two days ago

    Laws, yes?

    but with Smeyer’s history… poor mermaids.

    I have to do this. I really do:

    Hope you enjoyed that, children. If you didn’t, well – that’s water under the bridge.
    ba-dum-TISH
    ;-)

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2011
     

    THIS IS THE FIN OF A KILLER!

    ...his musical, melodious, heavenly baritone voice resonating upwards as he came swimming through the drain and rising like a glorious dawn from the toilet in order to stay with me in the bathroom all night.

    And now I’m laughing like a maniac in the library again. Curse you, II, for having such funny people.

  21.  
    bq. ...his musical, melodious, heavenly baritone voice resonating upwards as he came swimming through the drain and rising like a glorious dawn from the toilet in order to stay with me in the bathroom all night.


    As Inspector Karamazova said, that's hilarious and awful.
  22.  

    Thanks guys!
    :-D

    Yeah, I figured he’d basically be Edward IN SPACE BUT MERMAID INSTEAD OF VAMPIRE! So he’d do a water-based version of creeping through the window and sitting on the rocking chair.

  23.  

    His angelic, beautiful, perfect, flawless face was chagrinned.

    I can drown you quite easily. I can also accidentally slap you with my tail. I’M A MONSTER! THIS IS THE FIN OF A KILLER! HATE ME, DAMMIT!

    But you must stop seeing Clarinettius and the rest of those savage non-white octopus people.

    Bahaha XD

    You’re awesome, Klutor.

  24.  

    You should write this, Klutor. It would be awesome.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2011
     

    ...oh god. I just had a horrible thought.

    So, Jacob Black and all his wolfieness appealed to furries. Clarinettius and his octupusness? TENTACLE PORN.

    God save us from the fanfiction sob

  25.  
    bq. TENTACLE PORN.


    The Call of Clarinethulhu?

    O_O
  26.  

    AURGH MY BRAIN!

    I don’t know whether to laugh or run for the brain bleach. Klutor, that was magnificent. Absolutely triple-decker scrumdiddliumptiously magnificent.

  27.  

    You’re awesome, Klutor

    Thanks, NP.
    blushblush

    You should write this, Klutor. It would be awesome.

    If I can stop myself from giggling through every sentence and resist the temptation of slyly inserting subtle geek references that pretty much spell out “I’m just trolling, guys! Don’t start up anti-klutor-movement websites dedicated to bitching, ranting, raving and GIFing over how much I suck. Pretty please!”, then I might. But for now the epic forbidden romance between Mia and Coldcrystyl seems to…
    sunglasses
    ...be on ice.
    YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

    Clarinettius and his octupusness? TENTACLE PORN

    A part of me did that on purpose, just to evoke said horrible thought. The rest firmly insists that the octopus-as-nemesis thing was only done as a Little Mermaid ripoff, seeing as how Smeyer ripped off the fur vs. fang thing from a bunch of other stories.

    @Clib – nah, his name came from something else. I’d give you a hint, but I can’t think of a non-obvious one.
    ;-)

    Klutor, that was magnificent. Absolutely triple-decker scrumdiddliumptiously magnificent.

    Aw, thanks Stephy!

  28.  

    If I can stop myself from giggling through every sentence and resist the temptation of slyly inserting subtle geek references that pretty much spell out “I’m just trolling, guys! Don’t start up anti-klutor-movement websites dedicated to bitching, ranting, raving and GIFing over how much I suck. Pretty please!”, then I might.

    Put the hidden geek references in!

  29.  

    There are already at least two in there.
    Have a look.;-)

  30.  

    Renes Bay

    HHAAHAHAHAHAHHA

    Ha.

    That was funny.

    As Inspector Karamazova said, that’s hilarious and awful.

    I’m being quoted? is pleased

    (now I have to remember when I said that….)

  31.  
    bq. (now I have to remember when I said that….)

    We we're talking about catrecipes.com
  32.  

    GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!!!

    THEY PUT THE EDWARD BITING A PILLOW SCENE IN THE MOVIE! 1:05 BELLA IS COVERED IN FEATHERS!!!

    This is the happiest most glorious day of my life.

    Also, “it’s consuming her from the inside out”. Oh, yeah, guys. The horror. They’re going for it.

    THIS SHALL BE EPIC.

    And I have to wait until December to see it. Grump.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     

    Klutor, you need to develop more hidden twenty-line summaries of terrible books. They’re pretty funny.

    Swenson, I find it hilarious that you’re so pumped for the release of bad writing. Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t seized on that mentality before now.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011 edited
     

    Oh, we have. I recall there being a big rush to be the first person to see Eragon and criticize the crap out of it. Jeez, I can’t believe that was five years ago…

    Speaking of which, isn’t Inheritance due out any day now?

    EDIT: Oh, hey, it’s today. Imagine that. I just never realized it because for some reason I had the Inheritance category blocked.

  33.  

    Re: the trailer – I read somewhere that they’re censoring out the grossest parts of the book in the movie. Not sure, though.

    Also, it looks like Edward suddenly developed emotions somewhere near the “climax” of the trailer.

    Also, pause at 00:30. Look at the left side of your screen.
    evil grin
    Oh yes, that is who you think it is. Unbelievable.

    Klutor, you need to develop more hidden twenty-line summaries of terrible books. They’re pretty funny.

    Thanks. I’ll jump on the next opportunity that I’m given.

  34.  

    Oh yes, that is who you think it is. Unbelievable.

    Picture is too small, who is it?

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     

    Picture is nonexistent

    Fixed.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFalling
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     
    Oh dear, now she'll do fantasy? How will she wussify that genre? I wonder, will it flop or will it (and similar types of books) fill the bookshelves of Walmart and Superstore like all teen Vampire books do currently? If there's some good material to mock then I suppose I'll be happy.

    As an aside, for some reasons the phrase "where people use bows and arrows and swords" always sound weird to me. I've heard it before, usually by people that know very little about it. It's similar to the phrase "army people" rather than soldiers etc. Probably just a weird pet peeve because I always like heavy emphasis on realistic military, but I have an irrational dislike for these sorts of phrases.
    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     

    Also, pause at 00:30. Look at the left side of your screen.
    evil grin
    Oh yes, that is who you think it is. Unbelievable.

    Now, I don’t have anything against directors/writers having a cameo in their movies/works based on their books. Alfred Hitchcock, Stephen King, Peter Jackson – whatever.

    BUT, those cameos are usually pretty unintrusive (ex: Jackson’s cameos in the LotR movies were pretty much blink-and-you’ll-miss-it). Meyer, on the other hand, seems to have a need to be right front and center. It says soo much about her self-image.

    @Falling: yeah, it says so much about how little real exposure to fantasy Meyer has. Her description is just so… generic. Also “people dying” doesn’t make a story “dark”, at least not in my opinion. People die in Twilight, but that doesn’t make it “dark”, mostly because none of the characters react to any of the deaths.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFalling
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011 edited
     
    Well maybe that's par for the course. She didn't read any material on vampires right? So maybe she hasn't read any of the greats in fantasy either :S

    Oh well, hard to critique something that's not written yet. But it is still fun to moan and groan about the potential train wreck :)
  35.  

    bq. I read somewhere that they’re censoring out the grossest parts of the book in the movie.

    WHAT??? NO!

    Also, it looks like Edward suddenly developed emotions somewhere near the “climax” of the trailer.

    three thoughts on this:

    a) mmm, Angry!RPattz… (jk, but it’s nice to see some actual acting going on instead of his usual one-note “I hate myself, Bella why haven’t you rejected me yet?”)
    b) interested this is the first time I’ve seen him get angry AT Bella. Ooooh, actual drama! (Of course, every time that Bella gets mad at him, he does his best to act like she hasn’t yelled at all, and considering the context of that scene, I’m guessing it’s her turn to act like he’s not angry, and thus suck all the drama out of the scene*. You know, I’d love to see them have a mother-and-father of a row. It’d sort out a lot of things. That’d be awesome.)
    c) The abuser in Edward finally breaks loose! I really wonder how they’re going to play this scene.
    d) mmm, Angry!Robert Pattinson…

    *In terms of mechanics, I’m predicting that this whole movie will be set up to be like a drama, but Bella (and possibly Rosalie and Alice—GAH! Why is it the women?) will not take it seriously enough, for various in-story reasons, and their acting, especially Kristen’s/Bella’s, will drag it down. What else is new?

    @Falling: yeah, it says so much about how little real exposure to fantasy Meyer has. Her description is just so… generic. Also “people dying” doesn’t make a story “dark”, at least not in my opinion. People die in Twilight, but that doesn’t make it “dark”, mostly because none of the characters react to any of the deaths.

    She HAS to be a troll. I just… I… I’m sorry, guys, my mind is made up. This is Naked Came the Stranger all over again. They didn’t let on that it was a joke for YEARS.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     

    Heck, they still haven’t let on that Under The Dome was a joke.

    :rimshot:

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     

    Has anyone see the Il Niege review of the Twilight movie on Reviewtopia? It is absolutely hilarious. He is going to be reviewing New Moon soon also, and has a review of Eragon that is really good.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 8th 2011
     

    The day I found out about Naked Came the Stranger was pretty much the best day ever. The story of that book is just too funny.

  36.  

    Picture is too small, who is it?

    Apep did the Big Reveal. It’s Meyer herself.
    Attending the wedding of her own self-insert, and standing at the front of the crowd like a close family member or a guest of honour.
    ....I must concede, though – it is a nice dress.

    mostly because none of the characters react to any of the deaths

    Or maybe because no important character ever dies.

    @Falling – you missed her best description. She seems to consider it “real fantasy” because it has a map.

    WHAT??? NO!

    No, really. Gory discretion shot or whatever.

    “I hate myself, Bella why haven’t you rejected me yet?”

    Whenever I go to one of my favorite wikis, there’s an ad thingy at the bottom for this movie. It’s a close-up pic of the two of them kissing at the wedding.
    Eddykins looks like he’s having intense eyelid-spasms. No, seriously, he’s cramping it up big time.
    Combine that with Bella being her usual derp-faced self and you get the most unenthusiastic bridal couple in history.

    The abuser in Edward finally breaks loose!

    What’s also interesting here is that his hairstyle changes after the honeymoon. His hair is darker and flatter.
    For some reason it makes him look more human and less creepily perfect.
    No wonder you’re swooning. Could it be intentional?

    She HAS to be a troll

    Nope. Sometimes people really are stupid and/or nasty.
    Or both.

    rimshot:

    I saw a literal rimshot a couple hours ago. I’m still reliving the sweet perfection of that moment.

    The day I found out about Naked Came the Stranger was pretty much the best day ever. The story of that book is just too funny.

    Cracked, I presume?
    I read about it there the other day. And now I want to read the book so I can see what happens after the naked stranger’s moment of coming.

  37.  

    ....I must concede, though – it is a nice dress.

    Oh, you say that, but would you wear it? No, I didn’t think so.

    No, really. Gory discretion shot or whatever.

    They HAVE to show the fountain of blood. I hope there’s an extended or unrated version. I would deal with the inevitable sex scenes just to watch Kristen Stewart try to/manage to convincingly vomit a fountain of blood.

    For some reason it makes him look more human and less creepily perfect.

    Robert Pattinson will always be perfect to me.

    trying to find out the rating made me accidentally click on a twilight merchandise site, and I saw this decal or whatever:

    I’m not sure whether it’s funny because… well, abs!, or whether because the shallowness of the core fanbase is imitating the shallowness of the books down to a t.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 9th 2011
     

    Attending the wedding of her own self-insert, and standing at the front of the crowd like a close family member or a guest of honour.

    I think she’s technically in the back (I’m assuming the shot is from Bella’s POV as she’s walking down the aisle), but it’s still pretty obnoxious.

    Or maybe because no important character ever dies.

    That too.

    But, after a bit of thought, I think a better sign of a book being “dark” would be that there’s a real possibility that the main characters could die. The Harry Potter series isn’t really dark (at least, not until book 5 at any rate). Now, compare that to Song of Ice and Fire, where a main character dies at the end of the first book.

    I’m not sure whether it’s funny because… well, abs!, or whether because the shallowness of the core fanbase is imitating the shallowness of the books down to a t.

    Who says it has to be an either-or thing? It works on multiple levels!

    • CommentAuthorDeborah
    • CommentTimeNov 9th 2011 edited
     
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 9th 2011
     

    @Klutor – I can’t remember, but I suspect it was indeed Cracked.

    @Deborah – that’s a good review. I have to agree with her on the “good points”—vampires who abstain from human blood for moral reasons, the basic idea of the Volturi, and some of the minor characters having interesting backstories. Don’t really agree with her that the conclusion to Breaking Dawn is interesting, but to each her own, I suppose.

    Also, just gotta say, “Jacob-as-a-space-heater” is a wonderful line.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeNov 9th 2011
     

    Deb, thanks for that, it was a good review. That was a really interesting perspective.

  38.  

    Oh, you say that, but would you wear it? No, I didn’t think so.

    NO! If I absolutely have to wear drag – due to a dare or a lost bet or whatever – I wouldn’t hold back.
    I’d go all out. Frills, feathers, sequins… the works.
    The west wind itself would catch his breath and stop to stare for a few precious moments.

    Robert Pattinson will always be perfect to me.

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that statement.
    I honestly don’t.

    Song of Ice and Fire

    That series really confuses me. Some call it LotR-meets-soap-opera, and others say it’s really badass. Am i gonna have to read the entire thing to find out which description is true?

    Having said that – you make a good point.

    Who says it has to be an either-or thing? It works on multiple levels!

    Dingdingding we have a winner!!!
    :-D

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2011
     

    That series really confuses me. Some call it LotR-meets-soap-opera, and others say it’s really badass. Am i gonna have to read the entire thing to find out which description is true?

    How much of it have you read? Both descriptions are technically accurate (depending on how you take “LotR-meets-soap-opera).

    Dingdingding we have a winner!!!

    jumps in glee
    Ooo, ooo, what do I win, what do I win?

  39.  

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that statement.
    I honestly don’t.

    Then I’ve done my job.

    -And, honey, I bet the east wind’d give you a once-over, too…-

    As for ASoIaF… knowing what I know, you should read it once you’re a happier chappy. It’s interesting, rather badass, kind of soap opera-y (especially in the style of telling), and EVERYBODY DIES. I mean, everyone you thought you could care about either dies or has terrible, terrible things happen to them. And because it’s so long, it doesn’t let up. I could handle one book with a happy ending, or even a bittersweet ending, but I just can’t do this. Maybe some time in the future I’ll try again. But not now. I think my reading rate is about one a year.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2011
     

    Klutor in drag?! Where was I for this?!

    wolf whistles anyway

    I’m picking up that series as soon as I have some free time.

  40.  

    @ Inkblot: BAHAHAHAHA!

    •  
      CommentAuthorFalling
    • CommentTimeNov 10th 2011
     
    @Klutor

    you missed her best description. She seems to consider it “real fantasy” because it has a map.

    WHAT??? NO!

    Yeah that confuses me because that's pretty much become a given in fantasy. As in, it's almost impossible to publish a fantasy book WITHOUT a map. Unfortunately, not very books use maps as part of their storytelling. They just fire out another computer graphics map in full colour in full detail.

    One of the brilliant things about Tolkien's maps is that they felt like they came from that world. Not every part of the map had equal detail and was very western if not Shire centric. The map was really vague around the Sea of Rhun and north of Mordor.
  41.  

    On the topic of maps, I really hate the ASoIaF ones. They don’t show Khal Drogo’s area, and this frustrates me. I couldn’t even find where Dany was living with that merchant guy in that free city of which I have forgotten the name, until book 3.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2011
     

    True, true. But, to be fair, a map of the Dothraki Sea wold pretty much be a blank piece of paper with a dot in the middle saying Vaes Dothrak.

    Then again, even when there are maps of Essos (namely in Dance), they’re pretty useless because they don’t show how the areas depecited on multiple maps relate to eachother.

  42.  

    depending on how you take “LotR-meets-soap-opera

    To be perfectly honest, I don’t really like the sound of that.
    Where’s the magic battles? Where’s the excitement and genuine intrigue if every chapter ends with “I think I’m pregnant,”?
    (thumbs up if you get that reference)

    Ooo, ooo, what do I win, what do I win?

    You win a bakers’ dozen of custom-made Klutor-brand internets.
    XD

    I mean, everyone you thought you could care about either dies or has terrible, terrible things happen to them.

    But I can handle Joss Whedon…
    He can give me his worst and I’ll walk off unscathed, save for a sudden need for a smoke and a tissue.

    Klutor in drag?! Where was I for this?!

    wolf whistles anyway

    Hahahahaha, this made my day.
    No, really – it did.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2011
     

    Where’s the magic battles? Where’s the excitement and genuine intrigue if every chapter ends with “I think I’m pregnant,”?

    To the first, there aren’t any. Magic in ASoIaF is more like something out of Lovecraft than Tolkien.

    As for the second, it’s not quite that bad. Maybe not so much ‘soap-opera’ as ‘political intrigue’.

    But I can handle Joss Whedon… He can give me his worst and I’ll walk off unscathed, save for a sudden need for a smoke and a tissue.

    It’s been a while since I watched anything he did, but I’m pretty sure the things GRRM does to his characters would make even the Great Joss Whedon flinch.

  43.  

    Magic in ASoIaF is more like something out of Lovecraft than Tolkien.

    Oh, that’s all right. Lovecraft has his place too.

    Maybe not so much ‘soap-opera’ as ‘political intrigue’.

    Much better.
    I like those, especially when they concern assassinations and conspiracies and stuff. And if they’re done well, that is.

    would make even the Great Joss Whedon flinch

    Yeah?
    Allow me to quote this one line for you:
    “I’m a leaf on the wind…”

    Also, I should’ve mentioned that I’m an SPN fan, too. The two mains will never stay dead, because the show universe needs them, but the physical and mental trauma they go through…. sweet mother of Luna.

  44.  

    Allow me to quote this one line for you:
    “I’m a leaf on the wind…”

    ‘Scuse me, I have something in my eye.

  45.  

    ^You can cry on my shoulder, Inspector.

  46.  

    It’s been a while since I watched anything he did, but I’m pretty sure the things GRRM does to his characters would make even the Great Joss Whedon flinch.

    If Joss Whedon wrote ASoIaF, it would be all about Arya spinkicking the Lannisters into submission.

    By and large, I don’t see why people go on about the deaths in the series. They’re like deaths in The Wire. They may shock you in the moment, but if you were paying attention, you’d have seen most of them coming from a mile away.

  47.  

    If Joss Whedon wrote ASoIaF, it would be all about Arya spinkicking the Lannisters into submission.

    And everyone would sound like this:

    Littlefinger: “Those with an honor code do crap for the kiddies that they’d never do in that self-preservation thingy.”

    Tyrion: “Ancient Chinese Secret from long ago dictates that you never puke on the brother unit.”

  48.  

    that self-preservation thingy

    I like your dialogue example-thingy, Marquis. Very accurate. Very Joss-y.

    Also, despite the Eragon connection, I still think Arya is a pretty name.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2011
     

    Allow me to quote this one line for you: “I’m a leaf on the wind…”

    Also, I should’ve mentioned that I’m an SPN fan, too. The two mains will never stay dead, because the show universe needs them, but the physical and mental trauma they go through…. sweet mother of Luna.

    Well played, sir, well played. But, allow me to counter with this: Ramsay Bolton. He’s like a one-man Spanish Inquisition. And not the unexpected kind.

    @ Marquis: Yeah, but Littlefinger and Tyrion would only talk like that to lure their opponents into underestimating them.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2011
     

    I’ve been slogging my way through this book, and just got to the part where Edward…um…sparkles. (On a side note, I can’t read about Edward sparkling and not think of Gloria’s “air sparkled” thing from Ophir…) Anyways, I noticed that Meyers tried to make this huge build up like something hideous was about to be revealed, and then…sparkles. After reading it I think the sparkles with something completely hideous would have been a lot better. For instance a sparkling body whose head is a skull, or his mouth transforms to look like Dracula from Van Helsing. Something to warrant all of the “danger” Smeyers was hinting at for the first half of the book.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2011
     

    Yeah, but that would take away from Edward’s ‘hawtness’. And Smyer can’t have that.

    •  
      CommentAuthorFell_Blade
    • CommentTimeNov 11th 2011
     

    Yeah, that’s a major problem I noticed in her writing (and I’m sure it’s been covered in numerous other places). Basically there were plenty of opportunities within the story for her to give her characters flaws that would make them more realistic, but she never took advantage of them.

  49.  

    Well played, sir, well played. But, allow me to counter with this: Ramsay Bolton. He’s like a one-man Spanish Inquisition. And not the unexpected kind.

    Pretty much. It says a lot that, in a series filled with bastards both literal and figurative, if you mentioned The Bastard to a fan they’d know exactly who you meant.

  50.  

    Ramsay Bolton

    Ah, but is he a gentleman bastard?

    Where’s the excitement and genuine intrigue if every chapter ends with “I think I’m pregnant,”?

    Well, trying to figure out how Bakura fathered all these children when in fact he’s gay (not British) is certainly intriguing….

    ... wrong reference? okay, then.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2011
     

    Ah, but is he a gentleman bastard?

    No, he’s a sadistic bastard. Locke and the rest of the crew are charming in their own way. The Bastard of Bolton? No so much.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2011
     

    YUGI, I THINK I’M PREGNANT, AND BAKORA’S THE FATH-

    Oh hell no.

    Steph, you’re awesome.

  51.  

    Well played, sir, well played. But, allow me to counter with this:

    Thank you.
    I see all you fans of ASoIaF seem to agree on The Bastard’s… bastardiness (bastardasity? bastardation?).
    But I thought we were talking about people who suffer, not people who make others suffer to the point of getting a cool nickname for it.

    And not the unexpected kind.

    Ka-PING!!!!

    Yeah, but that would take away from Edward’s ‘hawtness’. And Smyer can’t have that.

    My collegue Apep has, as usual, put his finger right on it.

    Well, trying to figure out how Bakura fathered all these children when in fact he’s gay (not British) is certainly intriguing….

    Right reference, wrong fact.
    Bakura’s not gay. He’s just British.
    Florence, OTOH, is not British. Just gay. And secretly very lonely….

    Also, is he a magnificent bastard?

    @Inkblot – good sir, I soundly agree with all your stipulations. A most thorough and concise post indeed.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2011
     

    I think we need to spell that with a ‘c’ and adopt it posthaste. Bastardacity.

    I no longer know who you’re referring to. >.> Bakura‘s arguably one in one out of every four or five episodes, when he gets his evulz on, but for the rest of the time he waffles between annoying sidekick and annoying comic relief. Anyone from ASoIaF, I don’t know yet.

  52.  

    Yeah, that’s better.

    I was referring to the Bastard guy.
    And yes, Florence totally gets there.
    “And now the card game of us commences,”

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeNov 12th 2011
     

    I just had an unintentional throwdown with a girl who lives right across from me in my dorm about Twilight. She saw a book of vampire short stories on my desk that predates the current YA fiction obsession with clones of Edward, and went on to talk about how she hated Dracula and how the lines “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb”, “What a stupid lamb”, and “What a sick, masochistic lion” were awesome and deep.

    She called me “soulless” for not identifying with Bella, called the Jacob/Renesmee imprinting “beautiful”, and claimed that the only reason I pretended to hate Twilight was because I was trying to hide the fact that I’m Team Jacob and all I want is some hot werewolf lovin’. I think she might have also called SMeyer a “great writer”, but by that time the haze of Righteous English Major Anger had taken over, and the rest of the conversation was lost.

  53.  

    ....oh my.

    People like that drive me nuts.

    How is Jacob/Renesmee “beautiful”? It’s creepy!