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    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 14th 2010
     

    Ooo, that sounds pretty!

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeAug 14th 2010
     

    For some reason, a lot of library books around here end up having faded and sort of shabby-looking green and blue page edges. No idea why. It must just be a library thing.

  1.  

    The House of Night books now have coloured edges. Fluoro, furthermore.

  2.  

    How many Twilight topics does cracked have? Oh well. What’s one more?

  3.  

    We now have proof that Jacob does, indeed, own a shirt. Ladies and gentlemen, behold:

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeAug 26th 2010
     

    We’re talking Eclipse here, right? And specifically the scene where Edward asks whether he owns a shirt or not?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 26th 2010
     

    That’s not a shirt, that’s what we Aussies call a singlet or tank top. Shirts have to have sleeves to count. And no, calling it a “muscle shirt” doesn’t make it a shirt. It’s still a bloody singlet.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeAug 26th 2010
     

    With that angle, Bella looks really small.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 26th 2010
     

    Huh. Bella isn’t doing her usual herp-derp face there. I mean, it’s still pretty emotionless, but it looks slightly better.

  4.  

    @ Taku: IT STILL COVERS HIS CHEST!

  5.  

    We now have proof that Jacob does, indeed, own a shirt. Ladies and gentlemen, behold:

    mind is blown

    • CommentAuthorSum Mortis
    • CommentTimeAug 27th 2010
     

    That tattoo looks like the symbol on Starbucks coffe. Either that or Im going crazy.

    • CommentAuthorDamselfly
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010
     
    I hate those tattoos. They're so dense, they just look like an ink filled circle from any distance, and that perfect circle...I don't know, I don't think it's well designed. Also, I really don't buy that after turning into werewolves, the Quileute pack all went to the reservation tattoo parlor.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010
     

    Come now, the tattoo’s probably meant as some tribal rite of passage. Weird tattoos are found in several cultures (Maori, anyone?). Not to be defending Jacob or anything, but it’s not really weird that he’d get a tattoo when he attained his wolfy status. I looked up the tattoo and it looks like it’s just some abstract design that could maybe possibly be interpreted as something wolf-like. Looks like the filmmakers were too lazy to come up with something actually meaningful. Ah well.

  6.  
    Actually I think the Maori tatoos are awesome.



    BTW does anyone think it would be a good idea to do a grouo Twilight Redux.

    I was thinking that Eddie is suffering from Parkinsons and has vowed to save Bella from vampire who rules the town.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010
     

    I think that you should get some

    Great idea!

    . . . Granny

    Nevermind.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010
     

    I think that you should get some

    Hahah. That is as good an idea as getting an Asian character tattoo when you don’t speak the language. 8P

  7.  
    Did I say something?

    Because if I did, it was unintentional.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010
     

    XD Just people that get tattoos because they look cool, not because of any intimate association with the subject matter.

    • CommentAuthorDamselfly
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010 edited
     
    Sorry, I should have clarified a little. I don't mind that they have the tattoos themselves, just the way the movie handles it. I mean, Bella doesn't see Jacob in the book for what, 2 weeks? And most of that time is supposedly spent gaining control of oneself. I don't see someone who could lose control at the slightest insult being able to reliably sit still for a few hours while in pain without them being some small bit of a danger to someone else, so why would they risk it? And since wolves heal ultra fast, would tattoos even work?
    That said, tribal tattoos can look really cool. I'm just being a little silly and saying that I don't like the solid circle right on the upper arm; just doesn't seem very flattering or well thought out, is all.
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 28th 2010
     

    Hmm, I didn’t even think of the healing factor.

    I suppose because a tattoo is actually ink inserted under the skin, not a wound or scar, it would probably last.

  8.  

    I think that you should get some

    With the Maori tattoo thing, you don’t want to get it unless you’re Maori. Every single line and design means something. Plus there’s also the factor of getting bashed if other Maoris find out you have a Maori tattoo even though you’re not one of them. Stuff like that.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2010
     

    Exactly. Maoris are actually really protective of their art and heritage, so if you go to New Zealand and have Maori tattoos, you’d better stay close to the tourist destinations.

    And the asian character thing? Be very, very careful that you trust the person putting them on you, or you’ll end up with “tight-fisted wanker” or “stupid foreigner” or something tattooed permanently on you in Hanzi.

    Permanent markers are better, anyway, because you can change the design every few days.

    </tangent>

  9.  

    looks at thread title and gasps

    Oh, true. This is the Twilight thread! Whoops! Back to business.

  10.  

    Oh Joss, never change. Though I would’ve put Spike in Edward’s position with Angel in Jacob’s.

  11.  

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  12.  

    In other news,

    Twilight: Ultimate Nerds#

    This is hilarious. Two nerds, Edward and Jacob, fight over Bella, who really prefers Mike. It’s three chapters long and full of one-liners and it’s just plain FUNNY!

  13.  

    This obnoxious text says, “When you go to see a vampire movie, make sure you choose the right one.”

    It was also flashing between this, red, and blue in an epileptic-seizure inducing way. I fixed it, so it no longer causes motion sickness.

    Otherwise, it’s awesome.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 8th 2010
     

    Flashing text should be outlawed.

  14.  

    ^^The whole picture was flashing. This is the original. Click if you dare.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 8th 2010
     

    GAAAAHHH!!! MY EYES, THEY’RE BURNING!!!

  15.  

    I know, and it’s sad because they made a cool picture, and then ruined it with their font choices and flashing picture.

    •  
      CommentAuthorNorthmark
    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2010
     

  16.  

    Red X strikes again.

  17.  

    Haha, I love GoodReads.

  18.  

    goodreads is awesome. I don’t actually think I have any of those quotes liked. I went to the back to try and skip all the obvious ones.

  19.  

    double post

    (hidden for possible student/teacher triggers and a long post/rant/snark recap)

    •  
      CommentAuthorDiamonte
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2010
     

    ^ Spork?

    On another note, I have to once again bring attention to the pettiness of Twilight fans. In 10th grade, I gave a speech that basically ripped Twilight to shreds. Apparently some of the girls in my class still despise me for it, even though we’re in 12th grade and I haven’t had them in any classes since. As in, they still mock me behind my back for that speech.

    Oh silly fans. I thrive on your hatred.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2010
     

    your just jelus that Edward <3s me mor then u

  20.  

    @steph

    ..........was this written by a girl or guy?

    Now here’s an essay topic for you: how different is that from the original twilight? Edward’s older than Bella in both. Edward’s has power over Bella in both (orig: physical power, fanfic: authority power).

    Try not to think about it too much…

  21.  
    What would be awesome would be Edward becomes a vampire in a vain attempt to cure his Parkinsons.

    Bella comes along after graduating college. Edward knows that vampire king wants Bella for some sacrifcial thing. Edward dies to save Bella. Edward is redeemed and goes to Heaven.

    Bella leaves Forks and Jacob goes with her to train her. They start training and plan to hunt down the Vampire King and his minions for Edward and to find out why the Vampire King wanted to kill Bella.
    • CommentAuthormelanthes
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2010
     

    @Steph Ow, ow, ow, my eyes! Why did I have to look?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2010
     

    Ugh, that’s terrible. I second the spork idea… if it’s even possible to get through that travesty.

  22.  

    Ugh, that’s terrible. I second the spork idea… if it’s even possible to get through that travesty.

    Trust me, it will be, because I can’t look away.

    Look, I was kinda against sporking fanfiction six months ago when those sporks came out on the main site. I don’t mind doing a recap like Cleolinda, or maybe an Abridged and Annotated (I’m sure I’ll find stuff to say) in the forums but to go through a work of fanfiction and pull it apart seems like… well, do I have even less of a life before sporking Twilight?

    @ Nate: since the username is Fashionista… I’m guessing girl. And yes, I did become more and more aware of the similarities as I kept reading. I was going to write something about it too, only that post got waaaaay too long.

    So I guess if people want an Abridged and Annotated in the forums, I’m cool with that, but I can’t promise anything else as I’m quite busy pulling apart Breaking Dawn currently for the main site.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2010
     

    Oh, true, I forgot you were going to be doing BD as well…

    Yeah, it’s not like we’re going to start mobs and storm your house if you don’t spork it, but one would be funny. Maybe someone else will do it.

    ...maybe I will do it. If I can work up the courage to read it…

  23.  

    I’d love to do the recap thing, though, just not a full out spork. Just so I can agonise over the idiocy. Because I can’t stop reading now, so we may as well put it to good use.

    ... or maybe we could do one together…

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 16th 2010
     

    How would that work, though?

  24.  

    Use something like pirate pad.

  25.  

    He has the answer for everything. That looks like a really good site to bookmark for future reference. Thanks, Nate.

    I’d like to spork it, just because it fills me with pure RAEG... but despite everything I’ve said so far I don’t know how I feel about sporking fanfiction—I mean, it’s a person who likes to write fanfiction, same as I do… and come to think of it, I’ve been completely fine with sporking a work by a person who likes to write anyway.

    And I don’t like turning on an internet writer (One of Us) and mocking their story so utterly and publicly—but I’ve just done that anyway by ranting on it. So now I feel hypocritical and confused.

  26.  

    He has the answer for everything.

    One of my favorite shows growing up was MacGyver.

    Oh, and I am an Eagle Scout. XD

    •  
      CommentAuthorTheArmourer
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2010 edited
     

  27.  

    Nobody reads Breaking Dawn sideways like Gaston!

    •  
      CommentAuthorTheArmourer
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2010 edited
     

    Along similar lines

    So many pictures…

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2010
     

    Haha, nice.

  28.  
    That is awesome!

    Oh, and I beg to differ on the above post! Belle struck me as being way too smart to be a Twitard. But then I'm biased, Beauty and the Beast is my favourite Disney movie.
    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2010
     

    I agree, she seems more like the Lord of the RIngs type. Gaston would make a good Edward stand-in, though.

    Did I miscount or does Mormon Housewife know more than 4 attacks?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeSep 20th 2010
     

    That’s how much of a Mary Sue she is.

  29.  

    I agree, she seems more like the Lord of the RIngs type.

    Which is why she’s my favourite Disney princess. :D

  30.  

    I adore that film! I haven’t seen it in AGES... I’m hoping Disney will release it again some time.

  31.  

    So, while doing research for my latest T&P, I came across this cleolinda entry.

    ...I just…

    I have no words.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 21st 2010 edited
     

    D:

    ...wow. I totally forgot about the creepy half-vampire dude. That is just MESSED UP. Yet another piece of evidence that Smeyer didn’t think things through before writing them down.

  32.  

    reads entry

    Meh, geography! Who needs it? I read somewhere that she’d also never visited Forks before setting her magnum opus there, but I’m too lazy to look it up and confirm that at the moment.

    Wait, there’s a possibility of another book set in the Twilight universe? In the name of all that is holy, I hope the writer is wrong! Shmeyer: you’ve made your millions, now STOP raping literature (and our brains)!

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 21st 2010
     

    We should be safe… she can’t write about a love triangle when the girl will be age 7, even if she does look 16. Right? Right?

  33.  

    We should be safe… she can’t write about a love triangle when the girl will be age 7, even if she does look 16. Right? Right?

    Oh WW, your naivete is so cute – like bambi! About to be crushed by the massive foot of godzilla reality. XD

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 21st 2010
     

    Willow, you forgot the most important part—not only is it a love triangle about a 7-year-old who looks 16, but it’s a love triangle between a 7-year-old who looks 16, a 20-something-year-old who looks 17 (or does Jacob look older than he is? I forget. And I refuse to look it up because I am in a public place and people would think I was Googling “jacob black appearance” because I shudder liked Twilight.), and a, what, century-old guy who also looks 17.

    BLEAURGH.

  34.  

    I have a weird feeling that Nate and swenson are right… She will do it “for the fans” and keep milking that cash cow for every last drop. We live in a sick, twisted world…

  35.  

    This is….

    What’s the word I’m looking for?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 24th 2010
     

    Initiate jawdrop in three, two, one…

    D:

    You have got to be kidding me.

  36.  

    What. The. Hell.
    I have no words.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 24th 2010
     

    Oh, for heaven’s sake, really? Really?

  37.  

    Reading that article, I had a thousand different thoughts, originating from ideas about religion to sociology to biology to philosophy and on and on and on.

    • CommentAuthormelanthes
    • CommentTimeSep 24th 2010
     

    I take some slight comfort from the fact that someone had already thought to recommend a psychiatrist to her, because it suggests not quite the entire world is insane.

  38.  

    That’s just… wow. I don’t even know.

    I take some slight comfort from the fact that someone had already thought to recommend a psychiatrist to her

    I thought the same thing.

  39.  

    I feel pwned by Stephenie Meyer.

  40.  

    • CommentAuthorSum Mortis
    • CommentTimeSep 25th 2010 edited
     
    Now that was pathetic. Even by this point in 10th grade, the TwiHard fans are dwindling away. For a grown woman to get caught up...................... ugh.
  41.  

    Oh this one woman was talking about how she hated reading until she read Twilight. She said it was really good. She said, “I was twenty-seven before I realized this reading thing wasn’t so bad.” Because of Twilight. Ugh.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 25th 2010 edited
     

    OK, in fairness, I will concede one point to Twilight- it is very easy to pick up and read. When I first read it, I’d heard all about its bad writing, yet I didn’t immediately hate it. I was reading it, completely consciuos of the TERRIBLE purple prose and questionable implications, but I still was enjoying it. It was honestly not until after I read them all that the sheer screwed-upness of what I’d read really sank in, and since then I haven’t been able to read any of it without being disturbed, disgusted, or annoyed by awful writing. It’s kind of scary, looking back on it now.

    The point I want to make, though, is that for a grown woman to continue being so obsessed with those books that she restructured her life because of them… that’s even scarier.

  42.  

    I haven’t been able to read any of it without being disturbed, disgusted, or annoyed by awful writing.

    That’s how I was when I read it, but sadly, I think that if I hadn’t already heard of the awfulness of it, I wouldn’t have noticed and may have even liked it. I remember being bored and annoyed. I do understand how people can get into it, though.

  43.  

    As I’ve probably mentioned before, I devoured the books kind of guiltily but was growing steadily more annoyed with the over-the-top ‘romance’ and general boringness. By Eclipse, I was done. XP

    •  
      CommentAuthorDiamonte
    • CommentTimeSep 26th 2010
     

    SWQ, I reacted to them in a similar way.

  44.  

    I loved the books for ages till I stumbled on II and actually realised what I’d been reading.Thanks guys; I owe you one. :)

    Anyway, I can kind of see her point about not wanting to be stuck in a boring job for the rest of her life.

    • CommentAuthorJaded_Shrew
    • CommentTimeSep 26th 2010 edited
     

    I must admit, I was actually biased against Twilight before I even started reading the series. On the old forum, the sporkers honed in on Twilight after the Inheritance frenzy died down.

    When I moved into my new flat, I found that my flatmate had the entire series (she’d won, luckily not bought, them), so I decided to give them a shot out of morbid curiosity. Managed to read Twilight , and the New Moon... But after that it got unbearable – not that it wasn’t tough going already – and I got about a quarter of the way through the third one before deciding that I was wasting my time.

    That’s how I was when I read it, but sadly, I think that if I hadn’t already heard of the awfulness of it, I wouldn’t have noticed and may have even liked it.

    I know several otherwise very intelligent ladies who adore Twilight. In fact, in some cases I was surprised to find that they’re actually fans. I’m wondering if some fans have been simply too engulfed by the hype and marketing to look at the whole thing objectively? Maybe they just haven’t been exposed to alternate viewpoints…

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeSep 26th 2010 edited
     

    Managed to read Twilight , and the New Moon… But after that it got unbearable – not that it wasn’t so going already – and I got about a quarter of the way through the third one before deciding that I was wasting my time.

    I’m the same… I found Twilight and New Moon, however bad, still somewhat bearable. About 1/4th of the way through Eclipse I just gave up.

  45.  

    :-/ Excuse the non-existent grammar in my previous post. Had very little sleep last night. The worst part is fixed now.

    Oh, and I read the “must-read” bits in Breaking Dawn (wedding and birthing scenes) just to see what everyone was going on about… Bleh.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 26th 2010
     

    BD was really where the nonsense started beating into my skull. It’s just so over-the-top and absurd!

    C-SECTION BY VAMPIRE FANGS.

  46.  

    Oh, the horror. What was that woman thinking?!

    Has anyone read Shmeyer’s explanation of Bella’s pregnancy?

    Towards the end, we get this gem, among others:

    Mostly, though, I waited to do this in writing because I have an immature, Homer Simpson-like tendency to giggle when I say the words “seminal fluids” in public.

    What are you, twelve?

  47.  

    I’ve read that, and yes, it’s a load of BS. Don’t try to justify something like that.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 27th 2010
     

    Oh, and her justification of Bella being a doormat… OK, so while I would definitely classify myself as a person in support of more women in science/engineering/careers in general, I’m certainly not against a woman choosing to be, well, a housewife. My mom has worked only part-time jobs since she had children, but she’s worked harder and accomplished more than many others (both men and women) at full-time jobs. So yes, I do believe people have the right to choose to not have a career.

    However, that is not why I believe Bella’s portrayal is somewhat anti-feminist. I believe Bella’s portrayal is anti-feminist because the moment Edward enters her life, there isn’t even the possibility of her having any other role than “Edward’s woman”. In her mind, he more or less owns her, even if he doesn’t view their relationship that way. He walks in, and immediately she restructures her entire life around him. I’ve got absolutely nothing against her marrying him; I’ve got absolutely nothing against her choosing to focus on being a wife/mother instead of having some big career; I don’t even have anything against her getting married at 18. What I am against is instead her fixation on Edward and complete lack of ability to survive without him. I’ll be honest: I would like to get married and have children some day. Perhaps at that time, I will choose to leave a full-time position so I can spend more time raising my children. But I never intend to become solely dependent on my husband—a healthy relationship is based around two people, not one.

    •  
      CommentAuthorDiamonte
    • CommentTimeSep 27th 2010 edited
     

    I think even worse than her justification of Bella as a doormat is that she denounces The Princess Bride for being anti-feminist.

    Paraphrasing, starting at 3:40 or so:

    The problem I have with Westley and Buttercup is Buttercup is an idiot and it doesn’t bother anyone, all that matters is that she’s beautiful, that is her only value. At the end she redeems herself a bit, but the female characters are very weak in that story. Westley is brave and smart and fights, Buttercup is just beautiful, it’s her only thing: her brain means nothing, her personality means nothing to him, they have the kind of love where they can’t live without each other.

    Slobber all over literature with your crappy pedophile love-fest all you want, Meyer, but don’t mess with Princess Bride! (Especially when her criticism, which is directed at a satirical book, applies directly to her own story. Makes me hope beyond hope that she’s actually a very elaborate troll.)

  48.  

    The problem I have with Westley and Buttercup is Buttercup is an idiot and it doesn’t bother anyone, all that matters is that she’s beautiful, that is her only value. At the end she redeems herself a bit, but the female characters are very weak in that story. Westley is brave and smart and fights, Buttercup is just beautiful, it’s her only thing: her brain means nothing, her personality means nothing to him, they have the kind of love where they can’t live without each other.

    ....
    ...
    ...
    RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    NATE SMASH!

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 28th 2010
     

    O.O

    RAMPAGE TIME.

    DOES SHE NOT SEE THAT THAT IS THE POINT OF BUTTERCUP, MORE OR LESS, BECAUSE IT’S A PARODY OF FANTASY HEROINES, AND FURTHERMORE BUTTERCUP AT LEAST DID NOT TRY TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY DOING RETARDED THINGS WHEN SHE THOUGHT WESTLEY WAS DEAD, SHE AT LEAST TRIED TO GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON WITH HER LIFE. And anyway, when she got “rescued” by the Dread Pirate Roberts, she proactively shoved him off a cliff into a gorge in retribution for him killing Westley. And even before that, although she started out as a brat, she grew up and became a mature adult. She also stands up to Humperdinck, and while yes, she does eventually turn to suicide (which is, again, mocking over-dramatic fantasy stories), it’s only because she is actually married to Humperdinck, who she just found out probably killed Westley, and she is currently standing in the honeymoon suite.

    As opposed to Bella, whose only proactive moves in all of Twilight were to comply with a kidnapper/murderer’s demands instead of getting help and working out that Edward is a vampire to begin with.

  49.  
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 28th 2010
     

    looms NEVER INSULT SOMETHING I LIKE.

    :D Yeah, it is a bit of a Beserk Button for me, isn’t it? The Princess Bride is one of my favorite stories, and one of the very few books I would consider almost perfect, so…

  50.  

    You know, the first time I read it, I didn’t get that it was meant to be a satire…

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeOct 1st 2010
     

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeOct 4th 2010 edited
     

    How I love Head Trip :)

  51.  
  52.  

    I love how they jump from godless to Satanist.

    •  
      CommentAuthorNorthmark
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2010
     

    I love how they say Let Me In has state-of-the-art special effects.