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  1.  

    http://www.amazon.com/Barbie-Three-Musketeers/dp/B0028Y4SPO

    Seriously?

    That book is not kid friendly. It involves affairs, murder, scandal, etc. So why all the kid adaptions of it? The description doesn’t even sound a little bit like the book. So why are they titling it “The Three Musketeers”? why not something like
    “Barbie’s sword fighting adventure” or something? Why must they give it the title of a truly great literary work? (though the sequel, Twenty Years After, was better..)

    I, being a Dumas fan, am disgusted.

  2.  

    I, being a Dumas fan, am disgusted.

    Same. Ugh, these classics can never rest in peace…

    • CommentAuthorliadan14
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2009
     

    coughcough Hunchback of Notre-Dame. Why on earth did anyone think there could be a kid-friendly song-and-dance adaptation with a part two when
    a) Quasimodo is mute and deaf and thus can’t sing
    b) The book is full of awful people trying to do awful things to each other
    c) Everyone dies anyway.
    By rights, The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2 should have been a zombie flick.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2009 edited
     

    A girl can be anything she wants to be if she works hard, but in the days of the musketeers, certain professions were simply off-limits. Corinne (Barbie) is the daughter of a Musketeer and grew up wanting to become a musketeer and training hard to become an excellent swordsperson.

    Note the use of “-person.”

    When she sets off for Paris to join the musketeers, even her letter of introduction earns nothing but laughs from Captain Treville and the all-male musketeers.

    She actually gets a letter of introduction? She isn’t locked in the attic or married off?

    Forced to take a job as a castle housekeeper,

    Of course there’s a castle…

    Corinne soon discovers that her three fellow housekeepers have also dreamed and trained to become musketeers.

    Don’t they mean “maid.” There’s usually only one housekeeper.

    Even more amazing is that the senior housekeeper had similar dreams as a child.

    No way.

    This elder housekeeper provides further training for the three girls, encouraging them to strive to achieve what was an absolute impossibility for her generation. Just as the prince is about to become king, strange accidents begin to occur around the castle—accidents that the men musketeers seem unable to prevent.

    “Oh no! A stain! Whatever shall we do?”

    Could these unfortunate events provide an opportunity for Corinne and her friends to showcase their extraordinary swordsmanship?

    “We will FIGHT the stain!”

    While the concept of Barbie as a sword-wielding musketeer may initially seem rather odd, the film is just as believable as other Barbie productions

    So… not at all?

    and it is refreshing to see Barbie in a somewhat less overtly-feminine role.

    Still feminine, just not overtly feminine. I see.

    Barbie’s final quotation sums it all up nicely: “True courage is pursuing your dream, even when everyone else says it’s impossible.”

    Head. Desk.

    Product Description
    It’s “All for One and One for All” as Barbie™ and her friends co-star in Barbie™ and The Three Musketeers! Join Barbie™ as Corinne™,

    Know why all these names are trademarked? Because they’ll have dolls.

    a young country girl headed to Paris to pursue her big dream – to become a female musketeer! Never could she imagine she would meet three other girls who secretly share the same dream!

    No, she wouldn’t, because she’d be locked in an insane asylum with them.

    Using their special talents,

    I am above this kind of base joke.

    the girls work together as a team to foil a plot and save the prince. Come along on an action-filled adventure that dares you to dream as never before.

    repeated headwall

    • CommentAuthorliadan14
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2009
     

    I’ve watched Barbie productions before. There’s a certain base attractiveness because it’s all pink and shiny, but it gets really old every time the power of her sweet temperament makes the bad guys cry at her feet.

  3.  

    Try and listen to the ‘interview’ with Barbie on that page.

    Oh dear lord.

    Dumas and his Ghostwriter are turning in thier graves.

    And who wants female Musketeers? Athos was shexy!!!

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeAug 29th 2009
     

    And who wants female Musketeers? Athos was shexy!!!

    He was, he was indeed.

    Although I often wished to punt D’Artagnan over a cliff.

  4.  

    Although I often wished to punt D’Artagnan over a cliff.

    X

    Ditto. D’Arty was a poophead.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    That’s what I’m Tolkien about: finally, a kids product that inaccurately shows the equality of men and women in the 1600’s. Because, you know, three maids can outfight infantrymen who train since the age of seven.
    Oh, and the musketeers used muskets as a primary weapon, not rapiers. Hence the musket in musketeer.
    This entire thing makes me want to travel back in time and expose the creator of Barbie to magic mushrooms. At least then, Barbie would be something interesting.

  5.  

    @Un-Dante’d

    >This entire thing makes me want to travel back in time and expose the creator of Barbie to magic mushrooms. At least then, Barbie would be something >interesting.

    That’s a bit like saying that Miley Cyrus is Walt Disney’s fault.

  6.  

    That’s a bit like saying that Miley Cyrus is Walt Disney’s fault.

    Very true. However, Barbie has always been girly. The magic-fairy-princess aspect only came later, but my mom has some of the first Barbies. Trust me, Barbie was just as girly and ditzy as she is now.

  7.  

    Surely, mangling fairy tales, ballets, and classic literature is a few orders of magnitude removed from being “girly”?

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009 edited
     

    Yes, but the definition has changed. It used to be wearing dresses and whatnot. It has gotten girlier as girls themselves have moved away from that.

    EDIT: Ridiculousness follows.

    How do they clean in this?!?

    And why is everything sparkly and fluffy?

  8.  

    Oh dear lord. This is gag-worthy!

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Why are there four of them?

  9.  

    B’arbtagnan obviously.

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    ...my god. And they’re bloody maids, they’d never be able to afford one of those dresses, let alone four. Do you have any idea how much CLOTH it takes to construct one of those contraptions?

    And they’d never be able to bend down to scrub the floor. So I propose that they were in fact just duster maids, with…other functions the rest of the time.

    Also, yeah, very smart, wearing tights in 17th century France. You’d get raped on the streets. Multiple times.

  10.  

    Why are there four of them?

    X

    Because of Boob’tagnan

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Oh, that’s why.

    •  
      CommentAuthorAdamPottle
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     
    And there's an, uh, ethnic one.
  11.  

    @SMARTALIENQT

    >Yes, but the definition has changed. It used to be wearing dresses and whatnot. It has gotten girlier as girls themselves have moved away from that.

    That was the point that I made. They didn’t start out that way.

  12.  

    Why are there four of them?

    There were four musketeers, too. Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D’Artagnan.

    • CommentAuthorRocky
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     
    bq. There were four musketeers, too. Athos, Porthos, Aramis, and D’Artagnan.

    What about the Spanish one, Pesos?

    While not to the same extent, as someone noted above, Disney's done this before. The example I recall most clearly is _The Jungle Book_. Disney actually told the writers NOT to read the book.
    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    And I must confess that The Jungle Book is my favorite movie from Disney.

    • CommentAuthorRocky
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     
    I still think it's a good movie.
    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    But for sheer unadulterated fun, 300 is where it’s at.

  13.  

    Beauty and the Beast is #1 for me.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009 edited
     

    Oh, still on Disney, are we?
    I think the best parody of a Disney scene is Collegehumor’s “Kiss The Girl… Continued” skit.
    Here’s the link .

  14.  

    Well, the original topic was Barbie.

    I know I’m inviting mass mockery, but I used to love playing with Barbies when I was around seven. However, I didn’t buy any of the DVDs, clothes, or computer games, probably because they didn’t exist back then.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    I guess you and I have something in common, Snow.
    But I didn’t play with them like a girl, no sir.
    I stole my brother’s firecrackers, taped them onto Barbie, and lit them.
    After, I doused the remains in gasoline and lit them.
    >:D

  15.  

    Meh, my Barbies had terrible hair, as did my American Girl doll. I also did not see any usefulness in dressing them up and such. They mostly got kidnapped and taken to a scary land filled with clothes, only to be locked in a closet by a giant nine-year-old…

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Oh noes.

  16.  

    I used to want an American Girl doll so bad. Now I don’t really know why…I do have a Josefina minidoll though! (Given to me by my best friend, so I can’t throw it away.)

  17.  

    My American Girl doll, as well as my baby dolls and other kid-looking dolls, were my children who had to escape with me to prevent kidnapping.

    Actually, almost all my dolls were kidnapped or in danger of being kidnapped at some point in their lives. They were also all orphans that I took in, except for Samantha (the American Girl doll). She was mine. Of course, at this point in time I still thought that babies were random acts of chance…

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Or delivered by a stork when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much.

  18.  

    Nope, I knew that wasn’t real. I thought that babies were something that just happened, like hair growing, and God took care of the daddy’s DNA. I thought it was unfair when a woman had a baby without being married, because she couldn’t help it.

    No, I am not kidding. This was my working theory until fifth grade.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    I knew that I came from my mommy’s tummy. I just lived with that. My parents would get all flustered when I asked how I was born.
    I still think I am adopted.

  19.  

    I apparently almost went with the wrong family. My nametag wristband fell off and they brought my mom the wrong baby.

    I look too much like my mom to be adopted. I did have a fantasy where my best friend and I were long-lost sisters, but no…

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    I’ve always wanted to swap brothers. My best friend for my brother.

  20.  

    My brother can be extremely annoying, but he reads too much to be permanently kicked out. I need someone to discuss books with. :)

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    My brother was all about the rap game. Seriously.
    He would dress up like Eminem and he wrote rap lyrics.
    I called him my own little (big) Homie G.

  21.  

    I saved up money for a year to buy an American Girl Doll. I bought Marisol, the Girl of The Year.

    I’ve lost/defaced the book, and I’ve given the doll to my sister.

    And I also pretended to be sisters with my best friend.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Awwwe.

  22.  

    My current best friend and I are always on the same wavelength. It’s awesome. The only difference is our height and opinions on children.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Hmmm. Fun fact:
    When two or more females become roommates, their bodies start to adapt to each other. Like Aunt Flow visits them both at the same time.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Convenient- you’re both crabby at the same time! And you’re almost guaranteed that the other one will have pads you can steal when you run out!

    How did we get from Barbies to periods, again?!

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    I added the fun fact.

    BUT IMAGINE IT.
    All women in the same city. No men around to vent on.
    It would be like Jurassic Park.
    MAYHEM.
    DESTRUCTION.
    BABIES CRYING.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Yeah, but at least we’d get it over with all at once. And the rest of the month would be fine.

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 30th 2009
     

    Until the next month rolls in…
    The new M. Night Shamalyan film.
    Plot:
    Men are fleeing the City of Woman. The Time Period is coming, and no man will be safe.

  23.  

    Aw, come on, it’s not that bad. You cramp for a day, and then it’s a pain in the butt for a week, and then it’s over.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    I only PMS for about a day, anyway.

    • CommentAuthorSlyShy
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    ;_; Must we have a menstruation cycle thread?

  24.  

    points

    It’s Dante’s fault!

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    Raises hand
    My bad.

  25.  

    Are you secretly a girl? XD I have to wonder, what with your casualness and lack of discomfort as you discuss such a subject.

    Come on, am I the only one?

  26.  

    Woah, I was just skimming through this when I found:

    ;_; Must we have a menstruation cycle thread?

    YOU GUYS! Take it to whispers if it comes to that!

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    Oh, come on. I’m a GUY and I’m comfortable talking about it >.<
    But I guess that you’re right. Sorry, RVL.

  27.  

    ‘Tisn’t me, ‘tis other people Dante. ;) Just be conscientious, is all. :)

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    Be mindful of the future, young padawan.

  28.  

    Erm, was that directed towards me?

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    No.

  29.  

    Ah, OK. :D

    • CommentAuthorUn-Dante'd
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    :)

  30.  

    Let’s talk about the most effective ways to introduce characters.

  31.  

    This elder housekeeper provides further training for the three girls, encouraging them to strive to achieve what was an absolute impossibility for her generation. Just as the prince is about to become king, strange accidents begin to occur around the castle—accidents that the men musketeers seem unable to prevent.

    “Oh no! A stain! Whatever shall we do?”

    [snort]

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 31st 2009
     

    This elder housekeeper provides further training for the three girls, encouraging them to strive to achieve what was an absolute impossibility for her generation.

    Comment: And it wouldn’t be an absolute impossibility for the Barbies, whyyyy, exactly?

  32.  

    Because Barbies are special.

  33.  

    Let’s talk about the most effective ways to introduce characters.

    Have them show up drunk and unannounced in the wee hours of the morning. Works every time.

  34.  

    I like Dan Locke’s idea. Going to start another thread about it, so we’re actually discussing something relating to writing.