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Twilight: Edward is not a stalker!

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  1.  

    Because there are no gay Mormons.

  2.  

    Funny thought- what if Bella had had a boy? Would Jake still have imprinted? Talk about fun implications… Jake falling in love with Edward Jacob Cullen… heehee…...

    IT WAS FATE OK

    Yeah, if I remember my biology correctly, the X or Y is from the sperm, so it was basically a 50/50 shot if he would turn gay or not, since the explanation IIRC was that he imprinted on one of Bella’s eggs.

  3.  

    Yeah, if I remember my biology correctly, the X or Y is from the sperm, so it was basically a 50/50 shot if he would turn gay or not, since the explanation IIRC was that he imprinted on one of Bella’s eggs.

    You’re…. kidding me.

    Really?

    I’m now imaging Jacob holding and cradling one of those chicken eggs schools give out as “baby” projects…

  4.  

    Yeah, he imprinted on an egg. Which, of course, makes no sense, because a) it could have been a boy, and b) that particular egg might never have fertilized.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 2nd 2009 edited
     

    But it was fate and destiny.

  6.  

    Yeah, he imprinted on an egg. Which, of course, makes no sense, because a) it could have been a boy, and b) that particular egg might never have fertilized.

    c) it’s hidden away in bella’s body. Seriously, imagine I’m holding an opaque carton of eggs in front of you. You can’t see any of the eggs in there, can’t tell how many, there are or any other details. Yet you “imprint” on one of them?

    If Bella donated her eggs to a center before being turned, would Jacob run to that place and hunt down his? I mean… GAH it makes no bloody sense! (pun intended)

  7.  

    I thought this was the best place to link to this.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 2nd 2009
     

    XD I love that one.

  9.  
  10.  

    Pillow biter…

  11.  

    Considering the talk we just had on the perv thread…

    I think I’m a pillow biter too.

  12.  

    O.O

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    Hang on, no, he didn’t imprint on her egg. He was about to kill her for being an abomination of nature, and then she looked at him, and then he imprinted on her. He imprinted on a baby, which, granted, is still incredibly creepy, but he didn’t imprint on an egg.

  14.  

    Hang on, no, he didn’t imprint on her egg. He was about to kill her for being an abomination of nature, and then she looked at him, and then he imprinted on her. He imprinted on a baby, which, granted, is still incredibly creepy, but he didn’t imprint on an egg.

    Are you certain? I thought Jacob’s dogged feelings toward Bella were explained away as a result of having imprinted on an unfertilized egg.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    Yeah, that’s what I thought. That’s why he thought he loved Bella, but, no, he loved one of her cells.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    Hah. That would be funny. Too bad it didn’t happen.

  17.  

    Yeah, and Bella loved Jacob because of pregnancy cravings.

    Cravings she had before she was pregnant.

    Yeah.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    Yeah, and Bella loved Jacob because of pregnancy cravings.

    With pickles?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    ...
    I don’t think that’s in the book… you sure you aren’t mixing up “canon” coughcough with fanon?

  20.  

    I also don’t remember that.

    /nothing to add to any discussion on here

    •  
      CommentAuthorArtimaeus
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009 edited
     

    The real question is what if Bella had fallen in love with Jacob and had his child instead of Edward’s? Then Jake would be imprinting on his own baby. Squick squick squick!

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    SQUICK SQUICK SQUICK SQUICK SQUICK

    dies

    Whyyy did that need to be brought up!

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    SMeyer would find some way to explain it. XD

  24.  

    No, she just wouldn’t do it. XD

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 3rd 2009
     

    True, I doubt that would jive with the whole Mormon belief system thing…

  26.  

    I don’t think that’s in the book… you sure you aren’t mixing up “canon” coughcough with fanon?

    No, Jacob actually uses that as an excuse to make Bella not eat him. Bella is growling at him for imprinting on Nessie, and Jacob points out that he doesn’t have a weird pull toward Bella anymore. Bella notices that she doesn’t love him anymore, either. Then she goes back to the growling, crouching, etc.

    Also, Bella has a weird, ultra-strong yearning for Jake while she’s pregnant.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 4th 2009
     

    Then she goes back to the growling, crouching, etc.

    ...what? O_o

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeSep 4th 2009 edited
     

    ...what? O_o

    She’s having a spaz attack over the fact that Jake has had more time with Nessie than she has, and because he imprinted on her. Mostly the time thing, actually, but what makes her lunge at him is the fact that he named her daughter after the Loch Ness Monster.

    Of course, by the end of the book she is willing to have her daughter escape with him to South America should she and Edward die, so she’s not all that choked up about it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 4th 2009
     

    Growling?

    Crouching?

  30.  

    Because, you know. The nickname is so evil, even though her name is Renesmee.

    •  
      CommentAuthorDelzra
    • CommentTimeSep 5th 2009
     
    @ Jeni (kind of) spoiler
    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 5th 2009
     

    Y’know, call me old fashioned, but I would associate growling and crouching with, oh, I dunno, WEREWOLVES?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 5th 2009
     

    They’re Meyerpires. shrug What do you expect?

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeSep 5th 2009
     

    Which is why I expect refined vegetarian behaviour.

    Sit up straight and a cup of tea, wot wot?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 5th 2009
     

    Also. Vegetarians.

    Nate captured the ridiculousness of that one in Nagasaki Moon. Seriously! They don’t eat vegetables, they eat nothing but animal parts. They’re carnivores, for crying out loud! Not even omnivores, as it’s made quite clear that ordinary food is completely indigestible by their systems. FAIL, Madame Smeyer, FAIL.

  36.  

    IIRC

    What does that mean?

  37.  

    It’s “if I recall correctly.”

  38.  

    Thank you.

  39.  

    You’re welcome.

  40.  

    Oh God…

    It’s stalking but it’s okay because he’s hot. If he had been plain looking Bella would have sicced her dad on him.

  41.  

    This isn’t satire? D:

  42.  

    The topic has apparently been removed.

    •  
      CommentAuthorDelzra
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2009 edited
     

    For some reason the link only works if you copy and paste
    http://www.thetwilightforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=11059

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2009
     

    Um…. ok then. Why….just why?

    And I really really hope the comment on “it’s not rape if the woman enjoys it” was referring to rape roleplay.

    •  
      CommentAuthorDelzra
    • CommentTimeSep 14th 2009
     

    ^ Yes I was hoping that as well. I can’t believe that person compared it to Bella not caring about the Edward stalking. “It’s not stalking if Bella’s not bothered by it” facepalm

  46.  

    And is Bella even in the best state to judge whether or not Ed should stalk her? I doubt her judgmental skills.

    • CommentAuthorTourniquet
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2009 edited
     

    And is Bella even in the best state to judge whether or not Ed should stalk her? I doubt her judgmental skills.

    Considering she finds it not creepy that he watches her at night, and is flattered by it….whereas any other person would be at least a little more then creeped out.

    Do I sense a Bella judgement fail? Or a pathetic attempt by SMeyer to make a Gary Stu seem more sexy romantic flawed?

    •  
      CommentAuthorEmil 1.4021
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2009 edited
     
    Well I, for one, found having a stalker to be immensely creepy. But on the other hand he wasn't hot, so what would I know....
  49.  

    On the other hand Bella was obsessed with Edward herself and I suspect that had she known anything like where he lived she’d have at least driven by a few times. (If he’d lived in a spot that was in any way accessible to driving by, which he didn’t.) I think that the only reason she didn’t seek him out anywhere outside of school was because there was simply no way for her to do that.

    From the forum ^
    At least someone pointed out that Bella was stalkerish in her own way. I say the two of them deserved each other.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2009
     

    I say the two of them deserved each other.

    True, this way other perfectly normal people don’t have to suffer. :P

  51.  

    I saw the SAT vocab Twilight book in my school library.

    Admittedly, from flipping through it, I did come across one word I didn’t already know…though now I forgot what it was.

  52.  

    Well I, for one, found having a stalker to be immensely creepy. But on the other hand he wasn’t hot, so what would I know….

    ^^This.

  53.  

    Although, let’s not forget, Laurie tells Jo that he looks in their window and Jo’s all, ‘we’ll never shut the curtains again, and you can look as much as you like’.

    lol. I’m only half-serious.

  54.  

    At least he lives next door, so he has a perfectly innocent explanation (at first). And he’s not actively battling with himself, trying not to kill the March family.

  55.  

    LITTLE WOMEN WITH VAMPIRES! Now there’s an idea…

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeSep 16th 2009 edited
     

    GENIUS! MAKE THAT THREAD RIGHT NOW!

  57.  

    welll he can stalk me as much as he wants lol but i dont think ill ever get that lucky not even dreaming! lol

    If only I were lucky enough to have a stalker who is resisting the earge to eat me…

    EDIT:

    He actually went there the first time to see if he could stand to be close to her without killing her.

    Because that makes it soooo much better worse.

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeSep 17th 2009
     

    It’s so erotic to be eaten.

  59.  

    ^^Lol

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 17th 2009 edited
     

    It’s so erotic to be eaten.

    ^_l Heehee, why yes it is....

    Wink wink, nudge nudge

    •  
      CommentAuthorElanor
    • CommentTimeSep 18th 2009
     

    I particularly fantasise about being trussed up and being eaten by Gollum…

    OUR ONLY WISH, TO CATCH A FISH, SO JUICY SWEEEEEET

  62.  

    So we changed from a strange shipping site into straight-up vore.

    ...

  63.  

    Vore is so disgusting it makes me want to punch myself in the nuts. I don’t even know how they’re connected, but that’s how disturbed I am by it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeSep 18th 2009
     

    You’re not going to discourage the vore by talking about nuts…

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 18th 2009
     

    Um, I was referring to the things which end in -lingus and -latio, so…. no vore. NO VORE.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeSep 18th 2009
     

    That’s what I thought, but the vore interpretation was funnier.

  67.  

    Um, I was referring to the things which end in -lingus and -latio, so…. no vore. NO VORE.

    Yeah, eatingpeoplelingus and eatingpeoplelatio.

  68.  

    Do I want to Google “vore”?

  69.  

    Not if you value the remaining shreds of your sanity.

  70.  

    OK. At least it wasn’t as bad as that scary, horrible terrible yaoi fanart I saw.

    Though this is… scary.

  71.  

    gag

  72.  

    3. Keep the furries to a minimum, if you use them at all.

    I lawled.

    That being said, fucking sick. ‘Yummy meals’ ? That’s completely batshit.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2009
     

    How icky.

  74.  

    oh gross.

    •  
      CommentAuthorEmil 1.4021
    • CommentTimeSep 19th 2009 edited
     
    I couldn't resist the "Hermaphrodite" option..... Though I think my mental stability has deteriorated a bit, adding to the amount of damage I've gained since entering this forum....
    • CommentAuthorliadan14
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009 edited
     

    May be butting in off-topic here, but does this creep the flying…well, you know, out of anyone else?

    My sister saw it at our local supermarket. I am officially scared.

  77.  

    Ew ew ew, I refuse to think, ew ew ew ew ew ew ew…

    I thought Twilight schoolbags were bad…

    • CommentAuthorliadan14
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009
     

    I know, right? It brings “watching you sleep” to a whole new level of creeptastic.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009
     

    One of my friends has had that poster since last year. In her defense, she says the books are deep-fried chocolate dipped twinkies.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009 edited
     

    Ew, glowery Edward duvet. I can’t imagine any parent letting their child sleep in that.

    Isn’t that the expression he has when looking at Bella?

  81.  

    deep-fried chocolate dipped twinkies

    Except deep fried choco twinkies still give you calories that your body needs to function. So they have some benefit.

    Ew, glowery Edward duvet. I can’t imagine any parent letting their child sleep in that.

    They wouldn’t. Mom would be instead. XP

  82.  

    Mom would be instead.

    Twilight Moms.

  83.  

    ...

    I think I’m going to have nightmares about waking up on my stomach with pillow Edward staring at me.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009
     

    Ewwwwww. Creepy! Think happy thoughts….

    Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…

    Stares off into space with a dopey grin

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009 edited
     

    Edwards on pillows and creepy stalker looks on Edwards… hums

  86.  

    Just imagine someone with a FULL edward decoration. Including um… “accessories”.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSpanman
    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2009 edited
     

    That someone would deserve to be tarred and feathered.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSMARTALIENQT
    • CommentTimeSep 24th 2009 edited
     

    Edwards on pillows and creepy stalker looks on Edwards… hums

    Big shaggy pedo-wolfs grooming in spring, these are a few of my least favorite things!

    EDIT: This was the ad banner over the Twilight blanket set. Warning: questionable content!

  89.  

    squeaks I is officially scared now…

  90.  

    Dunno why anybody would put that picture of him on anything. He’s got that look on his face like he’s going to leap out and Wonka you.

  91.  

    You answered your own question there sansafro.

  92.  

    ...I suppose I did. Still, seems like it’d be less pleasant than most of his fans would hope for. Cold, unstoppable rage doesn’t seem all that conducive to being enjoyably Wonka’d, if such a thing isn’t automatically a contradiction in terms.

  93.  

    Hey, I just learned that edward didn’t start the stalking trend. (about the 12:00 mark)

    Yes, we just tripled the reasons to hate him.

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