http://www.twifans.com/group/cullenism

And TwiChurch will be held every Sunday.

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Now, I don’t have time to read this all the way through, but am I the only one who thinks that it would be entertaining to storm the “TwiChurch” once, with intelligent rebuttals?

Next thing you know they’ll move to South America and drink the Flavorade.

Now, would that be a good thing or a bad thing?

And go to TwiHeaven that is only reserved for true believers of Father Edward, Mother Bella and Prophet Meyer (Who was a vampire but was reborn in human form to save the world from Edward-less world) and forever bath in the glory and sparkles and hardness of Edward for all the pretty, vampire, sparkly eternity.

I was going to comment a while back, but I started examining some of the comments around the site. They’re morbidly interesting.

The weird part, though, is that these people could be people I know in real life. And that makes me sick.

I’m SO signing up and posting intelligent comments. It’s the one weapon we have against Twihards. But then again, those are largely ignored. As evidence…
Edit: Is there a way to space that out? It didn’t preserve its original formatting, and using Return isn’t working… if tl;dr then just know it was a decently reasoned argument

What was the only response given to this argument?

Seriously. Headdesk

Ah yes, I shouldn’t take that for granted. An actual response would be nice, though.

I posted on the page containing that comment. It’s in vain, I know, but whatever. Maybe someone will actually respond to some degree of logic?

That wasn’t my comment, although I clearly see why you thought so. Someone just posted on a Twilight board and I thought I’d bring it up as an example. My own post follows it.

And indeed, a one-post victory is never as satisfying as a drawn-out argument.

RandomX2, that… that was beautiful sniff

That’s getting beyond funny. I actually find that really, really offensive.

"We are the Twiborg. Lower your standards and surrender your books. We will add your drooling and squeeing distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is unfabulous."

What did you write?!

Hallowed by thy sparkles?!

(NOOOOO now ‘Hallowed be thy Name’ will NEVER be the same!!!)

Like the picture said: brain bleach nao.

Thy Volvo comes, thy will be fast,

Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, much? I mean, either his will is fast, or “thou will” be fast. Either way, fail.

“Forgive us our heartbeats”!?

Dear lord.

I can only hope that was written in jest.

Hmm…

Well, “thy will be fast” could technically mean “thy (your) will (decisions/mind/etc.) be fast (steadfast/unmoving)”, using the Ye Olde Englishe meanings for “will” and “fast” and meaning that whatever Edward says will be/come true. But I doubt any Twihards know enough about Ye Olde Englishe to work that out.

That’s sick.

Facepalm

I’m not convinced.

Ditto. Whatever happened to the notion of “actions speak louder than words?” And, really, just because a guy doesn’t wax poetic about every aspect of you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. What ever happened to being satisfied with plain, straightforward talk? o_O

Directness. It prevents The Great Misunderstanding™.

Well, to be fair, a lot of what Edward does is action. :P

Of the abusive, domineering, stalker type.

Oh dear. I feel sick.

Dia wrote:

Maybe I just don’t love anyone enough, but I’d really want my guy to find someone else if I died instead of killing himself. Now I hope he doesn’t run out after my funeral and go drink booze and get laid a few hours later, but yeah. I would want him to be happy.

Yeah, but that’s because you are a mature person free of insecurity and psychosis. :P

Oh, I think they forgot a stanza:

A normal guy would expect you to have your own life and friends
But Edward expects you to dedicate your life wholly to him.

blushes

Aw shucks.

Yeah, the only time my face gets red is when a) I have a cold and b) when I’m crying (and not much even then).

That’s called… um… something to do with altitude.

All I need to do to be accepted is learn how to blush prettily. In order ot do this I will have to manipulate the laws of nature. No worries. Edward will help me!

One can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink
You can show a twitard logic, but you cannot make her think

Ta da! Simple summary.

Edit: I am ashamed of my gender. Most of these twitards are female. Sigh

I agree. It is aw3S0m3!11!

/slight parodying with the leet and chat speak

Edward vs Normal guys.

A normal guy would walk you to your house every night.
Edward Cullen would sneak into your house every night and watch you sleep.

A normal guy would like to know what kind of friends you hang out with.
Edward Cullen would go into your friend’s heads and eavesdrop on every single conversation you have with them.

A normal guy would wish you a fun outing when you are going shopping with your friends.
Edward Cullen would stalk you and your pretty scent throughout the day.

A normal guy would get jealous if someone else asks you for the prom.
Edward Cullen would try to kill that person if someone else asks you for the prom.

A normal guy would say, “Would you go to the prom with me?”
Edward Cullen would command, “Humor me.”

A normal guy would give you a normal, healthy baby with normal, healthy problems.
Edward Cullen would implant you with a hideous blood-sucking spawn that will break your spine.

A normal guy would find a good doctor to deliver your baby.
Edward Cullen would personally chew his way into your womb to deliver your baby.

I like the switch from “say” to “command”. Very accurate.

I’d love to see if, in the book after the spine-breakage, Bella actually suffers permanent damage to her lower body. Does she? I can’t imagine it selling to well if Bella becomes a paraplegic. “Take me, Edward! Oh, but I can’t feel anything from the waist down. Umm… fondle my breasts, Edward!”
Not quite the same epic audience-entrancing romance in it.

Granted, a romance between an unholy devilspawn and a paraplegic could probably be made sensitive and beautiful in the hands of a competent writer, but not SMeyer.

Does she?

No, she does not. Because vampire vemon cures all that ails you, and that includes spine-breakage, multiple fractures, gaping wounds, blood loss, and the common cold.

I flush a very light pink just on my cheekbones, and only if I’m hot and sweaty, like today.

[bow chika wow wow]
Things like the Normal vs Ed make me sad for humanity.

I watch Buffy to comfort myself and forget about the Twi-Tards.

Thanks, Nate. I have a sudden urge to sing Point of No Return.

Look at my Collapsible Bodice™!

So all normal guys are sex-obsessed pigs?
Since when? Even the jerk I know isn’t like that. Seriously.

Since when? Even the jerk I know isn’t like that. Seriously.

That’s very comforting; I needed to hear it. (see it in writing, whatever) Thank you.

I couldn’t help but go through this myself…

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.

Remember guys: only musical talent matters. Painter? Writer? Nope, chicks only dig it if you can play music. (this feels like a personal insult to every guy born tone deaf)

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.

Don’t you get it? You ARE breakfast to Ed. Seriously though, what if your guy has no skill at cooking? You want them making you breakfast even if they poison you?

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.

Crap I’ve actually done this. I’m edward cullen! Noooooo!!!
(remember kids: screw safety, be romantic!)

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.

Another slap in the face to tone deaf guys. What you can’t cuddle with the girl any more? Or sit by their bed with a shotgun swearing to keep the monsters away?

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward Cullen only does it with one.

Everyone? Even other guys? Doesn’t sound like most normal guys I know.

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.

Well I’m sorry I’m not made of freakin‘ money! I just now got my own car paid off. How about this: you can eat and have shelter, or you can get a car.

There’s having high standard, and then there’s just plain stupidity. Ugh!

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR HANDS AT TEN AND TWO GODDAMMIT

SCREW SAFETY! WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC!

(and 3 & 9 is what I was taught)

Or a joke I once heard:

“Kids be safe. Put both hands on the woman and let her steer.”

Sometimes I wonder how much of these things are serious, and how much are just girls messing around.

Two and ten is what I was taught.

Usually I drive one-handed, though. >.>

Same here, but it’s because I’m too cool for the rules.

Remember guys: only musical talent matters. Painter? Writer? Nope, chicks only dig it if you can play music. (this feels like a personal insult to every guy born tone deaf)

Well, I am a singer, and music is one of the most important things in my life. That’s why I dream about a guy who’s as passionate about music as I am. That said, if my guy painted a portrait of me or wrote a poem for me, I would fall head over heels anyway. is easily impressed

I don’t think I am a muse like that. But even if you tried to sing for me and you sucked, unless you REALLY sucked and embarrassed me, I would probably laugh a little and still find it sweet.

So, I’ve been gone for three days, and I come back to find the Cullen Cult? This is just so beyond words.

There are ignorant people out there who don’t take the liberty in trying to find the true meaning behind their worship

Um, that’s you. And you say, “This is not a religion.” And then you go on and on about how everyone worships Twilight in their own way. I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word “worship.”

6. to render religious reverence and homage to.
7. to feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing).

I suppose it could be the second one gags, but the connotations of the word usually lean more toward the God end of things.

Okay, so here they, the ten commandments of Cullenism (I don’t know old English, so correct me if you want):
1. Thou shalt not think ill of Edward.
2. Thou shalt shall submit to thy hot boyfriend.
3. Thou shalt not have friends other than thy hot boyfriend.
4. Thou shalt perish at the thought of being away from thy hot boyfriend.
5. Thou shalt give birth to demon spawn and become an evil creature of the night.
6. Thou shalt leave all family and friends behind for thy hot boyfriend.
7. Thou shalt have no future plan other than getting married and giving birth to demon spawn.
8. Thou shalt shun all OMG h8ers!!!1
9. Thou shalt not think for thyself.
10. Thou shalt not acknowledge non-hot people.

^^Lol. Isn’t there another thread where you can buy the hot boyfriend, or at least sort of…

But even if you tried to sing for me and you sucked, unless you REALLY sucked and embarrassed me, I would probably laugh a little and still find it sweet.

Heh, I had a guy friend last year who would stand in the middle of a random corridor and start singing to me. I would be laughing hysterically while he had a very serious expression on his face, so yes, singing guys do appeal to me.

@SnowWhiteQueen

>Well, I am a singer, and music is one of the most important things in my life. That’s why I dream about a guy who’s as passionate about music as I am. >That said, if my guy painted a portrait of me or wrote a poem for me, I would fall head over heels anyway.

Similarly, if a girl professed her love for me in the form of an Amiga demo with EHB voxels and 14-bit music, I would probably die of happiness.