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I would check those links, but that would be breaking my embargo of fanfiction.net.
Can I find summaries on a different website?
No, because they are so horrible that they wouldn’t be recced anywhere else.
Oh God, that’s horrible. I’ve been scarred for life… D:
And worse
I read it. brain bleach
Whoops. My bad.
This should be the Twilight cover:

Are you calling Edward a piece of shit?! Gasp! is affronted
EDIT: Just realized that all of SMeyer’s titles are in lower case letters. snicker
I love This

Caption: which Twilight book is this?
New Moon?
Nah, “breaking” dawn.
(i’m sorry)
Well, don’t blame me for not reading the book.
i was making reference to pool players “breaking”
Exactly why I apologized shortly afterwards Spanny.
Is it wrong that I found that funny.
Yes. Very.
I think you lie.

...Puppet, I hate you.
Lol. I doctored my own version of Edward Cullen, but it’s on my harddrive so I can’t upload it.
I did, too! Here it is – very sparse, since I can only do either outlines or fill entirely….
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Sparse outlines are go!
I think that’s my favourite one so far. XD
I wish I were that sparkly.
I like that one. It’s like he’s being attacked by a swarm of fireflies, or fairies.
Hey…
His lips are unnaturally girly…
I think he’s wearing lip gloss.
It’s actually becoming common. Hollywood makeup artists now use lip gloss on males as well as females. Look at this:
I’ll be glad when we find out lip gloss is made from the juices of dead dung beetles mixed with the blood of virgin babies.
Eeeeewww….
What, the lipgloss or the ingredients?
What, the lipgloss or the ingredients?
Both. :P
SMaqt, I’m going to make you pay for that picture…
Eeeewwww.

Did the virgin part on babies really need to be said? Are there a lot of non-virgin babies?
I couldn’t decide between “the blood of virgins” or “the blood of babies.” So… both.
SMaqt, I’m going to make you pay for that picture…
I’m trying not to think of the images that came to my mind when I read that… I really have to stop going to my FF forum.
EDIT: Puppet, that picture actually looks… pretty…
He looks like some kind of faerie.
Fairy, Adonis, marble statue, it’s all the same.
Puppet, you should post a larger version of that picture on a Twilight fansite as a wallpaper.
I’D use it – it’s very pretty. It looks very legit as fanart, as opposed to your first one.
So whenever Bella describes Edward as an adonis, I think of this guy:
http://www.dft.gov.uk/press/ministers/andrewadonis
I think Twilight would be much improved if we had Lord Adonis Secretary for Transport! a vampire! a vegetarian vampire! in love with a human! while battling to keep the trains on time!
Oh God… rolls on floor, laughing hysterically
That’d be a nice parody.
I might actually enjoy Twilight a little if I was attracted to Bella. Sorry, Kristen Stewart, you’re not my type.
I realize, of course, that other guys may like her. If so, to each his own.
I say we make a new thread, entitled “My Affair With the Secretary of Transport, and His Deep Dark Secret”, with all the goodness of the Purple Prose Thread with Lord Adonis added in.
I can see it now:
I didn’t know what the Secretary saw in me. I was pale, pale even for the hot, dusky Outback of Australia, the human equivalent of beige…
Ohhellnoez you can’t be serious…
checks forum
You were.
Ohhellnoez you can’t be serious…
MAHAHAHAHAHA
Yes, yes we are insane.
You think I don’t realise that?
I think you want to join us. :D
Which I think you have already, so WHEEE.
Edward pics = EPIC WIN
Ahh… Edward Cullen… oh, the squee….
One time I saw a car that said “Gary Cullen” on the back. First thought? “There goes Edward’s estranged, non-glittery cousin.” lolz
One time I saw a car that said “Gary Cullen” on the back. First thought? “There goes Edward’s estranged, non-glittery cousin.” lolz
He’s the black sheep of the family, the only one who like NASCAR, beer, fishing, etc.
He’s the black sheep of the family, the only one who like NASCAR, beer, fishing, etc.
He would never date a girl without getting permission from her father first, and will only be with her if both sets of parents are present… except when they make passionate love in the janitor’s closet. And he only drives a VW Beetle.
A rusty VW Beetle. With peace signs painted all over it.
Someone write something about him! He seems quite the interesting character. :)
I can see it now: the beautiful Cullens vs Gary, the “regular bloke”. He doesn’t understand why the Cullens are glorified when he KNOWS that Edward has a hidden scrapbook full of sparkly stickersunder the mattress and his other cousins have strange habits…
Good blackmail material.
I’m starting to suspect DOB has been visiting our forums…
http://www.cracked.com/blog/my-book-proposal-for-the-next-bestselling-piece-of-shit/
I found this On Amazon. Quite funny if you read it. Jenner takes all the annoying cliches and turns them around. Made me laugh a bit.
And I knew about it earlier!
hangs head I have failed you guys…
You mean I could have read this sooner? Shame on you, Steph!
Indeed. Verily, this deserves a jocular shunning.
That Guy With The Glasses gave a good suggestion…
“The second movie is called New Moon because they all go to the Moon. But on the way there, they run out of oxygen and all die. At least, that’s my version of the movie.”
Is the Twilite author going to write sequels?
Probably, if his first book is successful.
Therefore, we must all now go and buy it.
I like all the names. Stella Crow, Edweird Sullen.
They’re not bad, but almost too easy.
I like parodies where you have to think a little. Or at least, they are so many layers it rewards you on repeated viewings/readings.
I agree. It seems like it’s just a scene for scene rehashing of the book, but making fun of it instead of taking it seriously. It could get dull.
Oh, and this made me cringe. All the high ratings. Characters? Finding yourself? Oh, come one!
EDIT: Okay, you have to click on “See all reviews” because it didn’t link properly.
I can’t remember if it was said already, but surely everyone’s seen South Park’s take on Twilight per se?
Oh, the one with the Goths and the Vampires, and then Butters becomes a vampire? I love that one. Butters is adorable.
“I am now… ungroundable.”
I just want to add “per se” to the end of every one of my sentences now.
So, which is your favourite dinosaur?
Tyrannosaurus rex. Triceratops runs a close second.
My brother’s favorite is T-rex too. He can’t decide on a second favorite.
When all the little T-rexes were picked on for their puny and ridiculous-looking arms, they knew inside that the other dinos could laugh, because thousands of years later, they would be revered by small apes everywhere… I have no idea where that came from.
BTW: apparently a war has begun

I think I’m in love.
Oh, Cracked, how I adore thee.
Yeah, the video screaming hurt my ears. Imagine the real life screaming.
I do indeed hat this comic con.
When all the little T-rexes were picked on for their puny and ridiculous-looking arms, they knew inside that the other dinos could laugh, because thousands of years later, they would be revered by small apes everywhere… I have no idea where that came from.
Fun fact: T. Rex arms had enough muscle to lift more than 439 lbs. Some think they may have been used as meat hooks to hold onto prey.
The reason tyrannosaurids’ arms were so short is because they had such big heads with powerful, bone-crushing jaws. If their arms were longer, they would be too front-heavy and lose their balance.
Back to something vaguely resembling the topic: Considering that a graphic novel is being made, Twilight could very well be terrifying comic con visitors in the future.

^^ Epic, Nate. Epic.