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    • CommentTimeAug 26th 2010

    (after being captured by Nazis, Atomic Robo has been installed into their mysterious V-5 cannon)

    Skorzeny (head of the V-5 Project): I want you to know you’re the beating heart of our weather cannon.

    Atomic Robo: You mean your electric cannon.

    S: No, it’s a weather cannon.

    AR: A weather cannon?

    S: Trust me.

    AR: Really? That’s what you’re going with?

    S: You’re awfully flippant for someone who walked into yet another trap.

    AR: And you’re awfully confident for someone who just seriously used the phrase “weather cannon.”


    “This may come as a shock to you, but I’m… really not good at talking to girls.”
    “Why, is there someone y’are good at talkin’ to?”


    “don’t get in the truck even if they offer you sweets”
    -Warren Ellis to Joe Quesada


    “[Assigning literature to read is] like turning sex into rape.”

    —my lit professor

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 1st 2010 edited

    “This may come as a shock to you, but I’m… really not good at talking to girls.”
    “Why, is there someone y’are good at talkin’ to?”

    Oh how I love Firefly

    • CommentTimeSep 2nd 2010

    +++ Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall Universe and reboot. +++


    “Look at the hair on the back of my manly, hairy hands.”

    • CommentTimeSep 9th 2010 edited

    From a review of the new Batman: The Brave and the Bold game:

    I think we can all agree that if Arkham Asylum has one major failing, it’s that Batman did not have a laser sword, which brings me to what might be the most crucial point about this game: In it, Batman has a laser sword.

    • CommentTimeSep 10th 2010

    “I like to retaliate by burning a book that you Americans hold dear, but the only book you care about is Facebook.”

    -Mahmoud Ahmadinejad


    ^^ Bahaha. That is an amazing comeback.

    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2010

    ...that is pretty much an epic comeback. I still don’t like the guy, but I dislike him vaguely less now.

    • CommentTimeSep 11th 2010

    “A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.” – Nethack.


    “Harry, you must rock the f*ck out.” —Dumbledore.


    “My name is John Mitchell, and I’ve killed more people than you’ve met.”


    @ Puppet: Wasn’t that a fake quote? It’s still epic, but I don’t think he really said it.


    Yeah, it’s on a fake twitter.

    • CommentTimeSep 12th 2010

    Yes, obviously. But it is a good quote, nonetheless.


    “But science fiction, I mean why would you want to do science fiction?” – Patrick Stewart at least a decade before people knew him.

    • CommentTimeSep 13th 2010

    “First choirboys, now vuvuzelas—-seems like you can’t blow anything these days!” —Paul McDermott, on Good News Week (a comedy show based on current events and political fun-poking)


    “That’s right. She’s my friend, and she needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you.”

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 15th 2010

    Mahahahahaha. Excellent Friends quote.

    • CommentTimeSep 16th 2010

    “There’s nothing funnier than a heap of dead Santas. They’re like baby seals in red hats!”

    (the Joker, in a particularly awesome fanfiction)




    “Dude, you have no, Qur’an.”

    —the guy who snatched the Qur’an from the guy who was going to burn it seconds before he was going to burn it.

    • CommentTimeSep 17th 2010

    “Draw your final breath…surrender now to oblivion!”

    - my latest favourite in-battle attack quotation. It’s from Dissidia this time.


    “Good Samaritan law? I never heard of it. You don’t have to help anybody. That’s what this country’s all about. That’s deplorable, unfathomable, improbable!”

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeSep 18th 2010

    “Ok, gentlemen stand up now, and ladies, please remember to go down”

    Something my choir teacher said yesterday, taken MASSIVELY out of context. I nearly laughed out loud- she meant for the gentlemen to stand up to join the already standing women, and was reminding the girls of a change in pitch that goes down a third, rather than up a fifth as it had previously in the song. Bahahahahahaha.


    (Accidental) Innuendo, FTW.

    • CommentTimeSep 23rd 2010

    I quote:

    “Shyamalan” is enough of a twist ending for anybody, honestly.


    “You know, when you’re young like you are, Millie, it’s easy. Man, woman, bottom, top… sex is a big buffet and you are just a fat man with a fork. But, as you get older, it’s harder to get a fork. “

    • CommentAuthorDanielle
    • CommentTimeSep 24th 2010

    “Why is a circle the perfect shape? Well, because Aristotle said so. And he was a badass.” —My philosophy prof


    “Triangles are not God.”

    My philosophy professor.

    • CommentTimeSep 30th 2010 edited

    From the local paper. And I quote:

    “[name] died yesterday morning, just minutes before enjoying her first scuba-diving experience”

    Well, when you really want to dive…

    Still, not as bad as the I-wish-I-had-a-camera sign I saw yesterday: “Fi’sh and Chip’s” I dearly hope it was a non-English translation mistake, rather than someone who speaks English as their first language completely misunderstanding the concept and purpose of “apostrophe-ess”

    • CommentTimeSep 30th 2010


    To both of them.


    6. Giving yourself the new nickname you always wanted: “Hi, I’m Rachel Korowitz, but everyone calls me ‘Snake FangSatan.’” No, teenage Rachel. No, they don’t.”


    SparkNotes has way too many time-wasters. I went on there to do stuff for English, and I never looked up anything I was supposed to.


    I like Sparknotes a lot, probably for just that reason. :D

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeOct 6th 2010

    “I think you need a brain scan.” ~that girl, chewing me out for not keeping copies of my story.


    “I’m not a witch” – Christine O’Donnell being a liar.


    If you haven’t looked at my tweets from last night, you should probably do that. I think I am much better at drunk-tweeting than drunk-blogging. Probably because the character-limit on Twitter makes it difficult to ramble. I am prone to rambling as it is, then you add alcohol and I pretty much transform into F. Scott Fitzgerald. If you got that reference, good for you. And I’m sorry your English teacher made you read that book.


    The “And I’m sorry your English teacher made you read that book” part made me literally lol, which is hard to do.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2010

    I just couldn’t leave this alone. It was a gigantic billboard that screamed:

    “Australia’s Thinnest Condom!”


    You got kids coming from the damn airport! And you’re advertising condoms.

    shakes head The things people do to make things noticed.

    • CommentTimeOct 10th 2010

    Resident Evil is, in fact, the first post-modern nihilist action movie: The world is ultimately destroyed because everybody ignores the hero for the entire movie, until they finally just kill her.”

    That’s actually quite brilliant. Turns a sub-standard action flick into a thought-provoking philosophical thought-game.


    “I’ve seen you without your clothes on, but I never thought I’d see you naked.” ~ Mal, Firefly


    “We say spit; why can’t we say shit?”

    and I quote:

    "Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?"

    “Any resemblance to people living or dead is purely coincidental… Especially you Jenny Beckman… Bitch.”


    and I quote: “Are we like one of those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead?”

    and also: “Where’s Elizabeth?” “She’s safe, just as I promised. You get to die for her, just as you promised, and she’s all set to marry Norrington, just as she promised… So we’re all men of our word, really-except for Elizabeth; who is, in fact, a woman.”

    and one more: “But… you don’t sparkle!” “That’s because I live in the real world, where vampires burn in the sun,”


    “I enjoy your sweetness, but you’re not sweet; you made my butt fat.”

    —this commercial that was just on; it was a song too

    • CommentTimeOct 16th 2010 edited

    In a discussion about RPG statistics applied to real life:

    “itchiest asshole”... “Glenn Beck in a woollen sweater?”


    “What’s its name?”
    “Princess Beyonce, but I think I might change that.”

    • CommentTimeOct 17th 2010

    found on Youtube:

    Look at your comment, now back to mine. Now back at your comment now back to mine. Sadly it isn’t mine, but if you stopped trolling and started posting legitimate comments it could look like mine. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re scrolling through comments, writing the comment your comment could look like. What did you post? Back at mine, its a reply saying something you want to hear. Look again— the reply is now diamonds. Anything is possible with legit comments. I’m on a chair.



    “God bless the catuses!”
    “That’s cacti.”
    “That’s racist!”

    “‘Oh no, of course, you mostly went hands free didn’t you? It’s like, ‘Hey I’m the Doctor, I can save the universe using a kettle and some string. And look at me, I’m wearing a vegetable.’”

    • CommentTimeOct 18th 2010

    Look at your comment, now back to mine. Now back at your comment now back to mine. Sadly it isn’t mine, but if you stopped trolling and started posting legitimate comments it could look like mine. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re scrolling through comments, writing the comment your comment could look like. What did you post? Back at mine, its a reply saying something you want to hear. Look again— the reply is now diamonds. Anything is possible with legit comments. I’m on a chair.

    Yeah, there have been a bunch of these lately, not exactly original… But then again it’s YouTube.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeOct 24th 2010

    “Why whidle when you can yodel?” ~Stephen Fry, on Last Chance to See.

    • CommentAuthorPhantom
    • CommentTimeOct 25th 2010

    I’ve been practicing memorizing for a while (as the therapist ordered), I thought this would be a good place to carry out my treatment.

    Today, my parents were talking about something. No One was trying to get their attention.

    Mum: [talks about something in foreign language]
    Dad: [replies]
    Mum: [retorts tartly]
    No One: When are we going home?
    (parents carry on)
    No One: [says something rude]
    (parents carry on)
    No One: I’m going to attempt suicide.
    (parents carry on)
    No One: I’m going to commit homicide.
    (parents carry on)
    No One: I’m going to try genocide.
    (parents finally look in her direction, then resumes talking)

    It was rather funny.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeOct 26th 2010


    Really, Phantom?

    Would you like to take some painkillers and have a 15 seconds head-start on me? Yes? Mind if I take an axe? No? Well then, start running!

    • CommentTimeOct 28th 2010 edited

    “I will have to use stealth instead” said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.


    EDIT: New awesome quote. So I was talking to Cleverbot just now, because that’s always fun, and for some reason we started singing Mary Had a Little Lamb together. So we get through the first verse OK, and then we get to the second…

    “User: It followed her to school one day.
    Cleverbot: School one day, School one day.
    User: Which was against the rules.
    Cleverbot: It made the children laugh and play.
    User: To see a lamb at school.
    Cleverbot: And not roasted in garlic.”

    Me: ...
    .................that was actually pretty funny.

    • CommentTimeOct 29th 2010

    watch your man the next time he picks up literally anything over a foot long with a decent weight and a handle. For a brief moment, a far-off look will pass over his eyes. This is because he is no longer your loving husband and regional manager of a struggling IHOP. No — right now, he is elsewhere; busy killing ninjas with that torque wrench or broken mop-handle in the burned out wreckage of the world.

    Ah, Brilliant as always. grabs a snapped pool cue

    • CommentTimeOct 29th 2010

    ““Gentlemen, we may not make history tomorrow, but we shall certainly change the geography.” – Herbert Plumer, shortly before the Battle of Messines


    There is a distinct feeling I get every time I pass the toy aisle at Wal-Mart. It’s like if you were engaged to marry the man or woman of your dreams then suddenly decided that you needed to take a plane to Pittsburgh and the plane crashed and everyone died except for you and you walked away from the incident as a double above-the-knee amputee and that was the meanest joke ever but I still said it because I didn’t even realize what I was saying until it was too late and by the time I noticed, it was already too funny so I just left it in there because it somehow lightens the mood when you find out that after the plane crash, the person you had loved is prejudiced against disabled people and he/she leaves you for a centaur and you somehow end up attending the same PTA meetings and all you can do is look across the room at your ex-fiance and the centaur and think “I used to be so happy…”

    That’s how the toy aisle at Wal-Mart makes me feel.


    • CommentTimeOct 30th 2010

    I love Allie’s stuff so much. It’s hilarious!


    “Let’s do the time warp again!”


    “You punched a lady bee!”


    “You obviously do not know who you are F*CKING with!” -Blade

    • CommentTimeNov 3rd 2010

    I finally convinced an internet friend of mine to watch more Red vs. Blue by showing him the epic Tex-vs-everyone beatdown from the latest season. He’d only seen the first couple of seasons prior to that, but I managed to convince him to at least start from the start of season 6, so I was watching it with him last night (or at least at the same time as him, as our computer screens are like 2000 miles apart…), and now I have all these really great RvB lines stuck in my head!

    “Oh come on. What are you going to do, shoo-” BANG!
    “Yes. Good suggestion.”

    “I’m not crazy. I’m totally, completely sane. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go blow up this dead body.”


    “You haven’t lived until you’ve had a bum beg you for money and then throw up on your shoes.”

    —my history professor

    • CommentTimeNov 4th 2010

    Yes, because desperate homeless people in pain are hilarious.


    He gave him money. We were talking about how we are sheltered because we live in a small town. It is quite sad. :(


    “Is that your blood?”

    “Yes…some of it.”


    “Darcus Taylor Yagami – you are under a rest (sic)! Come quietly or we will make you come louder!”

    • CommentTimeNov 23rd 2010 edited

    (Church is giving the “new guy” at Blue Base a rundown about the Red Team)
    Church: There’s this other guy [Simmons] in maroon armor. I haven’t seen him in a while, but he’s a know-it-all, man. He acts like he’s smart, but he’s really not.
    “New Guy”: What?
    Church: Yeah, he walks around like he owns the place… But nobody listens to him, and they always make fun of him behind his back.
    “New Guy”: (sounding quavery) What do they say?
    Church: Oh, just how he’s not good at stuff, and how he’s dumb, and how the stuff he likes is dumb, and how he’s not as attractive as other people are…
    “New Guy”: (sniffling) Yeah, he sounds like a real jerk…
    [the “new guy” runs off]
    Sheila: ...You do know that’s Simmons, right?
    Church: Oh yeah.


    “For the last six months, he’s gone to Harvard and Berkeley. I’m betting he can get a passport.”

    —Carl Hanratty, Catch Me if You Can


    “An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.”


    • CommentTimeDec 12th 2010

    Commander Shepard: (to a detective on Ilium) Your superior officer is giving you an order that leads to certain death. You have a right to disobey it.
    Garrus: Wait, we can disobey suicidal orders? Why wasn’t I told?!


    ^Mass Effect, I presume?
    1 or 2?


    “He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn’t approve of imagination.”

    Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone

    • CommentTimeDec 14th 2010

    @Klutor – Mass Effect 2.


    Thought so.

    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2010

    “Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.”

    - Jules Renard

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2010

    “The year is long, busy people make it short.
    The world is vast, narrow-minded people make it small.
    Nature is full of beautiful things – worriers do not see them, miss their beauty and a whole lot more!” ~Anon


    @RandomX2 and No One – very true. Both of those.:-)




    “There are several ways to kill a zombie, the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick.”

    —Dwight K. Schrute


    “You’re waiting for a train, a train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you can’t be sure. But it doesn’t matter—because you’ll be together.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeDec 26th 2010 edited


    “Books to the ceiling,
    Books to the sky,
    My pile of books is a mile high.
    How I love them! How I need them!
    I’ll have a long beard by the time I read them.” ~ Arnold Lobel

    “The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.” ~Edwin Schlossberg.

    “New York now leads the world’s great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn’t make a sudden move.” ~David Letterman

    • CommentTimeDec 29th 2010

    Yes, Inception! Such a great movie.

    How do you keep going like that? Do you breathe out your ears?!

    Ahh, Doctor, Doctor, I almost forgot how much I love you…


    Dammit I’m mad.
    Evil is a deed as I live.
    God, am I reviled? I rise, my bed on a sun, I melt.
    To be not one man emanating is sad. I piss.
    Alas, it is so late. Who stops to help?
    Man, it is hot. I’m in it. I tell.
    I am not a devil. I level “Mad Dog”.
    Ah, say burning is, as a deified gulp,
    In my halo of a mired rum tin.
    I erase many men. Oh, to be man, a sin.
    Is evil in a clam? In a trap?
    No. It is open. On it I was stuck.
    Rats peed on hope. Elsewhere dips a web.
    Be still if I fill its ebb.
    Ew, a spider… eh?
    We sleep. Oh no!
    Deep, stark cuts saw it in one position.
    Part animal, can I live? Sin is a name.
    Both, one… my names are in it.
    Murder? I’m a fool.
    A hymn I plug, deified as a sign in ruby ash,
    A Goddam level I lived at.
    On mail let it in. I’m it.
    Oh, sit in ample hot spots. Oh wet!
    A loss it is alas (sip). I’d assign it a name.
    Name not one bottle minus an ode by me:
    “Sir, I deliver. I’m a dog”
    Evil is a deed as I live.
    Dammit I’m mad. – Demetri Martin

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeDec 29th 2010


    I LOVE that quote. He’s just funny.

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeDec 29th 2010

    “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling”

    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2010 edited

    Oh man, The Rescuers by Margery Sharp is just FULL of brilliant FEMINIST RAGE-inducing quotes.

    Life outside a porcelain padoga was certainly possible, then, reflected Miss Bianca… “But I could never, never take in washing!” she told herself.

    “I wonder how the poor live?”

    It has often been remarked that women of rank, once their affection are engaged, can be completely reckless of the consequences.

    “How resourceful you are!” exclaimed Miss Bianca admiringly.

    However sheltered, all women have certain domestic instincts.

    Now that the excitement of their midnight meeting was past, she couldn’t help recognising that good and brave as Bernard was, he was also completely undistinguished. Yet how kind and resourceful, when she fainted! Hoiw understanding, when she came to, of all her doubts and fears! And how lost in admiration, how absolutely overcome, when she finally accepted her heroic task!

    “Why?” whispered Miss Bianca. “Why does your blood boil??”
    “Because you are so beautiful!” cried Bernard recklessly. “It’s not fair to ask you to be brave as well!”
    Miss Bianca rested her head lightly against his shoulder. “You give me such a good opinion of myself,” she said softlky, “perhaps I couyld be brave as well…”

    Her loveliness took Bernard’s breath away. She was very small, but with a perfect figure, and her sleek, silvery-white coat had all the rich softness of ermine. But her chiefest point of beauty was her eyes. The eyes of most white mice are pink: Miss Bianca’s were deep brown. In conjunction with her snowy head, they gave her the appearance of a powdered beauty of the court of Lois the Fifteenth.

    “No one more than I,” said the secretary, “admires the chairwoman’s spirit. But has she, in her feminine enthusiasm, considered the difficulties?”

    And all that from the first three chapters.

    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2010

    Oh wow. “You are so beautiful….It’s not fair to ask to be brave as well!” Wow.

    I was trying to say something intelligent, but it’s just so…yeah. Are you going to try and make it all the way through?

    The characters in your novel are not people; they are fictional creatures who have come alive to serve your needs. They may demonstrate free will, because you construct them that way, but they do not possess free will….This doesn’t mean that fictional characters don’t feel rich and real. By virtue of their very consistency, they partake of archetypal and stereotypical resonances and transcend the messiness of personality.

    • CommentAuthorMoggo
    • CommentTimeDec 31st 2010
    @Thea: I mostly agree with you. A well developed character should feel like a real person, but readers and author ought to keep their minds clear and remember that it is all made up. Especialy the author.

    And I quote: I want him to be good, not out of fear of hell, but for the sake of being good.
    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJan 4th 2011

    Girl – “Actually, tennis has higher risk of permanent injury than futsal.”
    Guy – “That doesn’t matter, because she knows I’m in safe hands because of my cousin.”
    Girl – “And that doesn’t matter, because I suddenly need to research something.”
    Guy – “.... what?”

    A random conversation that I accidently stumbled on.

    .... The girl’s wrong, isn’t she? Tennis doesn’t have higher risk of permanent injury than futsal, right?

    • CommentAuthorMoggo
    • CommentTimeJan 4th 2011
    It depends on who you are playing with, me thinks.
    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJan 4th 2011 edited


    EDIT: New quote!!

    “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place. It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!

    • CommentTimeJan 5th 2011 edited

    sigh And once again, Probability proves itself willing to sneak into a back alley and service Drama as would a copper-piece harlot.

    Do you enjoy genocide?!
    Depends on the species… turian.


    Kate: It’s very romantic…
    Roland: Are you a woman, or a blacksmith?
    Kate: Sometimes I’m both.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJan 12th 2011

    We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex—but Congress can. ~ Cullen Hightower


    “Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark, but they’re wrong because it’s not irrational. It’s Vashta Nerada.”

    —The Doctor

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJan 19th 2011

    ^^Urgh, I remember the show. It put me off sleeping in complete darkness (as I normally do) for a couple nights.


    “Omar ain’t no terrorist. He’s just another n—— with a gun. And you ain’t no Delta Airlines neither. You just a n—— got your shit took. So bring me what you owe, and talk that global economy mess somewhere else.”