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  1.  

    “You all deserve this for conforming. I’m surrounded by sheep.”

    —Century Gothic

  2.  

    “Well, people are weird, and anonymity breeds bestiality.”

    Some guy on Omegle told me that. I don’t know if it’s a wise observation or just hilariously strange.

  3.  

    “I’m going to shit in your dreams!” – Luke from Freakangels

  4.  

    “Cat smileys are the textual equivalent of a silly, feminine giggle.”

  5.  

    “CHIKKINZ!”

  6.  

    “I had to BE there to COYP THE LINK! HWO DID I NOT GET A VIRSU TEHN?”

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2010
     

    “Yes, mother, the pock-marked death eater loves you too”

    Me, after my mother noticed something we saw on a house tour was named Rookwood (Augustus Rookwood, formerly of the Department of Mysteries, pock-marked informant to Lord Voldemort and Death Eater).

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2010
     

    “Does it bother you, Amy, that your life doesn’t make any sense?”
    also: “You graffitied the oldest cliff in the universe.” “You wouldn’t answer your phone.”

  7.  

    “I’ve got illegals in my bottom.”

  8.  

    “STE-RE-O-TO-MY! WE CAN MAKE IT! TOGEEEEETHERRRRR!!!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2010
     

    “Students, imagine that in front of you is a castle. That’s where you want to be. But surrounding that castle is a moat, full of piranha. The only way to get into Sexy Abs Castle is to swim across the moat and let the little fish painfully chew off hunks of fat. The real situation is exactly like that, only the swim will take years.”

    Ah, Cracked. You win, consistently and thoroughly.

  9.  

    “She didn’t regret it at all when I told her the next morning. Only thing she said was that she wished she could have remembered it.”

  10.  

    “There’s not really eighty-eight of ‘em. They just call themselves the ‘Crazy 88.’”

    “Why?”

    “I dunno. I guess they thought it sounded cool.”

  11.  

    “Time not important; only life important.”

  12.  

    “Sweet are the uses of adversity.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2010
     

    “Stem cells? But, aren’t those controversial?”

    “In your time, yes. But in our time, shut up!”

  13.  
    "Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day, set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life."
  14.  

    “Okay, it’s quality time.”

    “Oh, brilliant! Do do do do… can’t touch this—”

    “That’s ‘Hammer Time.’”

  15.  

    “If Deckard’s a Replicant, Greedo shot first.”

  16.  

    “Simba, what have you done?”

  17.  

    “This is Police Control. Please keep your hands on the wheel. You have an unauthorized passenger in your vehicle; we are going to arrest her. Thank you for your cooperation.”

  18.  

    “I always knew that sex was corny, but I never thought that corn could be so sexy.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2010
     

    “Little soldier boy, come marching home,
    Brave soldier boy comes marching home.”

    :’( I always cry at that episode of Avatar.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2010 edited
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2010
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorarska
    • CommentTimeJun 28th 2010
     

    Swen, me too.

  19.  

    Oh God, just watched that episode. Best. Moment. Ever.

  20.  

    “Is it a young adult vampire romance novel?”

  21.  

    “Two forms lay beneath the bedclothes of the laminated-maple four-poster, and off in the iron grip of winter Big Ben bellowed ten o’clock, great hoarse calliope sounds, the coal-fired breath of London.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeJun 29th 2010
     

    And I quote SlyShy who quotes some guy o Twitter:

    “Twilight’s like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.” — some guy on Twitter.

  22.  

    Do not put statements in the negative form.
    And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.
    If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a
    great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
    Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
    Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
    De-accession euphemisms.
    If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
    Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
    Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.

    ~William Safire, “Great Rules of Writing”

  23.  

    Haha, I love that!

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 30th 2010
     

    Haha, I’ve read something similar to that.

  24.  

    “The tragedy of Canada is that they had the perfect opportunity to enjoy French cuisine, British culture and American technology, and instead they ended up with British cuisine, American culture and French technology.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2010
     

    “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful. “ sob

  25.  

    “Who wants a body massage?”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJul 1st 2010
     

    “Say what you want about today’s music,

    but I feel that <Justin Bieber> is the sound of the soul

    vomiting onto the crotch

    of progress.”

  26.  

    “Are you saying that in general they didn’t dig it?” – M. Night Shyamalan when hearing about the reviews.

  27.  

    ^^Reviews for which movie?

    “That kills me. It really does.”

  28.  

    The Last Airbender.

  29.  

    “It’s painful to live in fear, isn’t it?”

  30.  

    YOU DID NOT WIN! YOU DID NOT WIN!”

  31.  

    Ross: Look, I just don’t want my tombstone to read, “Ross Geller: Three divorces.”

    Phoebe: Don’t feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, “Ross Geller: Good at marriage!” Y’know? Mine’s going to say, “Phoebe Buffay: Buried alive.”

  32.  

    “LET’S TALK ABOUT MEEE-EE-EEEE FOR A MINUTE!”

  33.  

    “This is my world! MY WORLD!”

  34.  

    “What’s the difference, you ask? MEAT!”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2010
     

    CHOKITO SAYS NO NO NO
    TO BACKSEAT DRIVERS

    CHOKITO SAYS NO NO NO
    TO BE SICK ON A SICKIE

    ONLY SAY YES TO THE GOOD STUFF

  35.  

    “Never fear, old chum! The He/She Wonder is on the case! Holy capital punishment or some such!” – Ragdoll while wearing a Robin costume.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeJul 8th 2010
     

    Hehehe, I had an amusing conversation with my dad on smoking.

    Me: Look, dad! points to quote: If you’re smoking in my house, you better be on fire. Isn’t that funny? Can we get it?
    Dad: Nah, I got a better quote: If you’re smoking, don’t exhale.
    Me: Haha, good one.
    Dad: Yeah, although you’ll die. ‘Cause you can’t breathe without exhaling, can you?
    Me: No, I guess not.
    Me: You’ll die anyway, I guess. If you don’t exhale, you’ll die. If you exhale, you’ll die. Either way, you’re dead.

  36.  

    “I’m sorry I had a fight in the middle of your Black Panther party.”

  37.  

    “Friendship is when we team together to accomplish something important. Like building a better future, or conspiring to take over the planet.” – A robot’s thoughts on friendship.

  38.  

    “MY TOE HAZ ERECTION... MMMMMM I CAM OUT MY TOE”

  39.  

    “If you’re a woman and your in a plane crash, do you really become languid, helpless, and sex-starved… and murmur a lot?”

  40.  

    “Ram this in your clambake, bitchcake!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorthat girl
    • CommentTimeJul 19th 2010
     
    'Dont worry this will only hurt you my new shirt wond get a stain'
  41.  

    Ezra Pound sat upon my bed
    Asked me which books as of late I’ve read
    Asked me if I’ve read his own
    And whether I could spare a pound
    Of flesh to cover his bare bones
    I says, man, take a pound, take two
    What’s a pound of flesh between
    Friends like me and you?
    What’s a pound of flesh among friends?

  42.  

    “Michael Bay’s “Hansel and Gretel.” Chew on that sentence for a little while.”

  43.  

    “I wanted to chip in to help buy my grandfather the new iphone. He seemed really excited about it and tries to keep up with new technology, but then he called it the “iPhone 3D” and I realized he was going to be really disappointed.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorthat girl
    • CommentTimeJul 23rd 2010
     
    'Goodbye mother' Hamlet said to him
    'Hamlet!, I am you loving caring father!' said a startled and embarrassed Claudius
    'Mother' said the prince 'Mother and father is man and wife, wife and man are a unity so you are my mother'
    and with that Hamlet swept out of the room.

  44.  

    “President Obama isn’t out of touch with reality for not knowing who Snooki is. America is out of touch with reality for even giving a fuck about Snooki or anyone else on that shitty show.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2010
     

    Because it simply has to be quoted:

    “Food effect’s your Mood!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 2nd 2010
     

    ...yeah, I agree, that does top “This is indeed a serious child!” as the most lulzy Maradonia quote of all time.

  45.  

    Especially considering the circumstances in which it was said.

  46.  

    “He’s your murderer and fugitive. If you want to keep him, you have to keep up with him.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeAug 5th 2010
     

    Me: ‘Your head is so bony!’
    that girl: ‘How can your head be bony! It’s one bone!’

    On a plane to Canberra

    •  
      CommentAuthorthat girl
    • CommentTimeAug 5th 2010
     

    OK so this played out in the boys cabin at camp…..........

    BTW: boy two sleepwalks

    Boy one: ‘‘Hey! where is (boy two)?’‘

    so they go looking for him and they walk into the next section of the room and boy three wakes up

    ‘‘HEY! (boy two) what are you doing in my bed!’

    Boy two “nah, this is my bed get out!”

    every one “no its not!”

    “oh sorry”

    Boy three “no wait (boy two) don’t go! its cold”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeAug 5th 2010
     

    AH hahaha yeah that was funny.

    Although why Boy three told boy two not to get out in front of everyone for the reason stated above, I have no idea. It’s almost like he’s gay.

    •  
      CommentAuthorthat girl
    • CommentTimeAug 5th 2010 edited
     

    I don’t think he is but this boy has foot in mouth disease.

  47.  

    “Nah, he just was funny lookin’. More than most people even.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorthat girl
    • CommentTimeAug 5th 2010
     

    this happened a minute ago

    “don’t drop it, are you OK are you sure you can carry it

    so i said i am not a baby

    OK

    so i start walking and they go don’t drop it don’t spill it OK spill it on the way to the table.

  48.  

    And I quote:
    “You know that giving away a federally issued firearm is a felony, don’t you?... It’s a thoughtful felony.”

  49.  

    Double post!
    “I need to know that you can bend like a reed, not snap like a Kit-Kat bar!”

  50.  

    “What’s so great about that?I can bend bars with my bare hands!”
    “Iron bars?”
    “No, Hershey Bars. And I’ll do it the hard way, with nuts.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 10th 2010
     

    “She…” Poppy paused looking for the right words, “She is in a magical comma.”

    Ah… Where else but in Harry Potter fancfic can you find magical commas? (Except maybe in butcher-shop windows)

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 10th 2010
     

    I like how it says “looking for the right words”, and then uses completely the wrong one.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2010
     

    1. Christopher is a supporter of fan fiction, especially for writers who use it as a start in their writing career to hone in their writing skills. He also expressed his understanding that it can be fun to at times sit down and write the roles of another author’s characters in that author’s universe. However, like the rest of the panel’s authors, he made note that fan fiction will always be flattering and acceptable so long as people don’t attempt to publish their fan fiction (because that’s where it becomes illegal)!

    From the Shurtugal website.

    Wait, what? I understand the first part, but why is Paolini warning people against publishing their fanfiction? That’s what got him where his is today!

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2010
     

    Ah, but it’s not officially fanfiction. So it doesn’t count?

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2010
     

    Man, I must be getting sentimental, because I don’t disagree with what CP said, and, well, Eragon isn’t exactly fanfiction. It’s unoriginal tripe, but it’s not using someone elses characters. And world. To some degree.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2010
     

    Jeni, you’re getting soft. We all know Eragon is the biggest self-insert crossover fanfic since My Immortal met Scrubs.

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeAug 12th 2010
     

    My solicitor told me to inform you that my defence is sleep deprivation. SO THERE.

  51.  

    “Au revoir, Shosanna!”

  52.  

    Inglorious Basterds! I need to see the end of that movie.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 15th 2010
     

    And I quote:

    “Hel-loooo! Doors? We have doors in this place! And windows! All the modern conveniences! But no! They’re always coming through the walls and ceilings! Only superheroes could turn entering a building into a ‘who is muy macho’ contest!”

    • CommentAuthorGrennir
    • CommentTimeAug 15th 2010
     
    "In my writing, I aim to achieve a lyrical beauty somewhere between Tolkien at his best and Seamus Heaney's translation of Beowulf." - Christopher Paolini.
    I can't remember the exact quote, but that looks right to me. It makes me laugh everytime I see it, both because it is not true and because it is practically admitting that he has stolen his works from better authors/poets.
  53.  

    “You want weapons? We’re in a library! Books—the best weapons in the world! This room’s the greatest arsenal we could have.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2010
     

    A conversation in the school library today. Needless to say, we were doing maths in the library where one group sets up a pretend shop and “sell” things while involving mathematical problems set by the teacher. Each member of the group writes a scenario for other students to solve.

    Girl 1: Hey [Boy 1] can I have a look at your scenario?
    Boy 1: Yeah sure. You can solve it in 1 minute anyway.
    Girl 1: Oh OK. Hey [Girl 2] Please come and join me!
    Girl 2: Noooo, I don’t wanna!
    group walks into the shop
    Girl 1: Okay, so…
    boy 3 walks in holding the answers to scenario
    Boy 1: Oh no! Thanks a lot [Boy 3]! You just gave them the answer! Might as well hand it to them on a silver plate.
    Boy 3: What, what did I do?
    Girl 1: Ahhh…
    Girl 2: That was easy.
    teacher calls for a group for video interview with their items
    Boy 1: Yeah, you can go and be interviewed.
    hands Girl 2 skins and soccer boots (they were the answers to the scenario and it’s a sports shop btw)
    Girl 2: Yuck! throws skins to Girl 1
    Girl 1: holds skins tentatively Uh… whose skins are these? (The skins are shorts, and very tight.)
    Boy 1: Mine. I can hold it for you if you like…
    Girl 1: hands skins to Boy 1 Yeah hold that. wipes fingers desperately

    End conversation.

    The boy is not liked by the girls. He plays soccer, so they’re his stuff. What the girls were thinking was: This is his skin shorts. He’s a boy, we’re a girl. He plays soccer, and soccer can be very sweaty in you know where.

    It was very funny.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 16th 2010 edited
     

    NP: Eeeee! I love that line!

    EDIT:

    “You know how some people lick their finger to turn the page of a magazine? That can be treacherous.

    Treacherous if they don’t have a Trane. Because their finger could freeze and get stuck to the page. Then they wouldn’t be able to turn the page. So if you’re a finger-licking page-turner, get a Trane to keep you and your finger nice, safe and warm.”

    ...I want one of those now, just because the ad (in Popular Science) is just that awesome!

  54.  

    Nobody likes you.
    Everyone left you.
    There’re all out without you.
    Having fun.

  55.  

    Green Day, ‘Letterbomb’?

  56.  

    Yup. :)

  57.  

    “Oh, Perry the Platypus, your timing is impeccable. And by impeccable, I mean COMPLETELY PECCABLE!”

  58.  

    “So, you can either be fat and jolly or a skinny bitch. It’s your choice.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2010
     

    SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE because Dumbledore is a BIG GAY and probably wouldn’t let Snape bum him or something”

    unrelated:

    “Pfft. She’s done more backstabbing and backflipping than a psychotic circus clown.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2010
     

    “Pfft. She’s done more backstabbing and backflipping that a psychotic circus clown.”

    Would that be our very own recent female Prime Minister of Australia: Julia Gillard?

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2010
     

    Taku, you’re reading Mark Reads Harry Potter too? Isn’t it fun? :D

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2010
     

    No One: Why yes, how did you know? :P

    Willow: I stopped by about Chapter 5, because Mark started becoming less coherent and far too impatient. He seems to want to know everything immediately, but not too much or he complains that it’s being shoved down his throat!

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeAug 22nd 2010
     

    Oh, it gets better as he goes along… by the end of the first book he’s a fan, by the end of the fourth book he is a fanboy and cried at the end.

    Also, he DID NOT SEE the end of GoF coming. It is hysterical to see his reaction.

    And then, right then and there, the man pretending to Moody transforms into his orignal form. And basically everything I’d thought up until this point in the book is completely and utterly changed.

    “Harry saw a man lying before him, pale-skinned, slightly freckled, with a mop of fair hair. He knew who he was. He had seen him in Dumbledore’s Pensieve, had watched him being led away from court by the dementors, trying to convince Mr. Crouch that he was innocent…but he was lined around the eyes now and looked much older….”

    Mr. Crouch’s son. Mr. Crouch’s son is the Death Eater at Hogwarts, pretending to be Moody, making my comments about Mr. Crouch during the Pensieve chapter seem unbelievably immature.

    My god. Oh my fucking god.

    He posted several Gifs and pictures of his brain asploding at the end of PoA too. And look at his sum up for GoF

    Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is so goddamn fantastic and mind-blowing that I am now a Harry Potter fan for life and if I could find some way to justify it, I would do nothing more than lock myself in some sort of life-sustaining cave and just review until I am done with this series but that is probably unrealistic and stupid, so you’ll just have to deal with me posting as many reviews as I can in the meantime.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2010
     

    “The trick of getting donkeys down from minarets,” said the Patrician, as the desert unwound below them, “is always to find that part of the donkey which seriously wishes to get down.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorNorthmark
    • CommentTimeAug 25th 2010
     

    And I quote:
    “so this is the new recruit?” sniper said all hotlike as he looked over and at at Edward who gave him dark look. “What can he do?”

    “everyone hello this is Edward he is a vamripe and will be helping guard the base because he can see in the dark and protect from the enemy ninjas who want to capture hary potter,” said Dumbledore who was with the announcer who was angrily looking at htem angrily. Suddenly, Bella saw scout and he was so cute and she started to get a boner except she couldn’t get one cause she was a girl.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeAug 26th 2010
     

    ...