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  1.  

    “The bus ride from North Carolina to Ohio is four days. That’s approximately seventy-five-thousand hours without the aid of major animal tranquilizers.”

  2.  

    “Sorrow is the key that gets our tears out of eye-jail.”

  3.  

    J: “What’s wrong with you. He’s diabetic.”
    C: “How was I supposed to know that?”
    J: “Because he wears a big fucking bracelet that says ‘I’m a diabetic.’”
    T: Holds up arm with bracelet.

  4.  

    “Can your heart stand the shocking facts about grave robbers from outer space?”

    • CommentAuthorDanielle
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2010
     

    “Technically, penguins don’t have any legs, just feet.”

  5.  

    And I quote: “These pretzels are making me thirsty.”

  6.  

    “I hate Martin Spivak!”

  7.  

    “Yeah, but they don’t know that we know they know we know, you know?”

    •  
      CommentAuthorarska
    • CommentTimeMay 14th 2010
     

    “Your college experience has been sorely lacking if you are graduating and have not once had a margarita mixed in your mouth by well-endowed blonde cheerleeders”

    “Well have you?”

    “No”

    “Why?”

    “Because I studied and actually passed my exams.”

  8.  

    “Um, I’d like to dedicate this to my grandpa, who showed me these moves.”

    “Aw, that is so sweet. Is he here? Where’s your grandpa right now?”

    “In the trunk of our car.”

  9.  

    “Early on with I spoke to M. Night, we decided that it would be best for me not to watch the animated series but instead focus on what was in the movie’s script because it was much darker.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorRandomX2
    • CommentTimeMay 14th 2010
     

    Virgil’s wall glitches for me, so I need to speak my Simpsons quotes to myself to remain sane. In fact, just yesterday I said, and I quote:

    “I had a feeling it was too good to be true. Every time you get a million dollars, something queers the deal.”

    “I don’t think real checks have exclamation points.”

    Huzzah for following abandoned format!

  10.  

    “What is your daughter doing?”

    Pause

    “She’s kickin’ ass. That’s what she’s doing.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2010
     

    Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage, honor itch offer lodge dock florist. Disk ladle gull orphan worry ladle cluck wetter putty ladle rat hut, an fur disk raisin pimple colder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2010
     

    squints in confusion Is this some code or just random talk?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 15th 2010
     

    No One, do you know Strine? Read it like that.

  11.  

    A real life conversation that took place while babysitting at a church:

    Friend: “This place has so much Jesus. There’s a picture out there of Jesus with an ax.”
    Me: “Really, I didn’t see it. I wanna see the picture of Jesus with an ax.”
    Friend: “[My name] and I will will be back.”

    We go into the hall, where she points to a picture of a bearded man with an ax and a caption at the bottom:

    Me: “[Friend’s name], that says Judas, not Jesus.”
    Friend: “Well, Judas is like Jesus in Latin.”
    Me: “No, it isn’t. Judas is the guy who betrayed Jesus.”
    Friend: “Then I guess it makes since that he has an ax then.”

    We get back to the nursery:

    Friend: “False alarm. It was Judas.”
    Me: “She thought Jesus was Judas in Latin.”
    Friend: “Well they all have beards. I don’t go to church very often.”

  12.  
    That is priceless.
  13.  

    “I am the eye in the sky,
    Looking at you-ooouu…
    I can read your mind.”

  14.  

    I used to listen to that song all the time…

  15.  

    I used to listen to that song all the time…

    Fun fact: I have every Alan Parsons Project album.

  16.  

    I think we just have Eye in the Sky.

  17.  

    I think we just have Eye in the Sky.

    That was their most popular one, mainly because of the massive exposure from “Sirius”. I think that it’s actually one of their weaker albums; I prefer I Robot and The Turn of a Friendly Card.

  18.  

    I wouldn’t know, I was only about five years old at the time. I should probably look into them again…

  19.  

    “Pudding is not conducive to tossing, is it?”

  20.  

    Radio: “Now I gotta get used to not livin’ next door to Alice”
    Friend: [triggered response] “Alice! Alice! Who the #^&*% is Alice!”
    Me: “What?”
    Friend: “No, back home, that’s actually how it goes.”

    I wunt ta luv un Nuu Zaalund.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2010
     

    Time to bring “And I Quote:” to another level. I challenge you guys to find a favorite quote of any II member who isn’t yourself.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2010
     

    Well, there’s your introductory spiel (“Welcome to Hell. We hope you enjoy your stay, because you won’t be leaving. Ever.”).

  21.  

    “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” ~ Oscar Wilde
    ^^ This is lookingforme’s favorite quote. I know, I am prompt. :D

  22.  

    I could cheat and look it up on Facebook, for the people I’ve friended, but I’m too lazy.

  23.  

    “New York Times Bestsellers: proof that people judge books based on their covers anyway.”
    -SlyShy

    “High school is like for years of being molested with a cactus by the government.”
    -Kitty

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2010
     

    Are we allowed to do things like:

    And I quote: “I challenge you guys to find a favorite quote of any II member who isn’t yourself.” ~Puppet.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2010
     

    Har har.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2010
     

    How meta of you.

    And I quote: “Munchkin: One who, on being told that this is a game about politics and intrigue in 17th century Italy, asks to play a ninja.” – Andrew Rilstone

  24.  

    “The moral of Avatar: Don’t be a big, corporate meanie. Be a big, blue kitty.”

    “The moral of Taken: Listen to Daddy. Don’t make Daddy kill a bunch of foreigners.”

  25.  

    “Prime Minister Batman is accepting that he will not be Prime Minister tomorrow. His is the batarang of sadness. “

  26.  

    “If either of us invent time travel, we agree to meet at this meeting in precisely five seconds!.......That’s disappointing.”

  27.  

    “What a wonder is a gun, what a verstile invention! First of all, when you’ve a gun….....everybody pays attention! Think of all that must be done, think of all that you can do! Remove a scoundrel, unite a party, perserve the Union, premote the sale of my book!”

  28.  

    “When my mother reported that Mr. Tomkey did not believe in television, my father said, ‘Well, good for him. I don’t know that I believe in it either.’

    “‘That’s exactly how I feel,’ my mother said, and then my parents watched the news, and whatever came on after the news.”

    -David Sedaris

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2010
     

    I quote: “Smoochie smoochie time!” ~Matt Smith and [Amy Pond actress’ name].

    Hmm, I think I can push the limit a little bit more…

    And I quote:
    “Har har.” ~Puppet.
    “How meta of you.” ~Moldorm.
    “I don’t remember who said them.” ~NeuroticPlatypus.

  29.  

    “I saw a flying saucer. [...] It was shaped like a huge cigar.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2010
     

    Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Clever, No One.

  30.  

    And I Quote: “When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”

  31.  

    “You’re mad. Bonkers. Off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret…all the best people are” – Burtons Alice In Wonderland

  32.  

    And I quote: “If I were a nudist, Hugh’s words wouldn’t have hurt me.”

  33.  

    “Finally, Marvel’s heroes and villains can get back to fighting over fruit pies. Just like Jesus and the Beyonder intended. “

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    I quote: “Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.” ~my cousin.

    I’m sure I can push the limit a bit further on the challenge…

    I quote: “Ha. Haha. Hahaha. Clever, No One.” ~Puppet.

    Be careful of what you say…

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010 edited
     

    And I quote: “I quote” ~ No One.

    :P

  34.  

    So, they were showing clips of Obama on TV, and this little kid said:

    Kid: “Hey! There’s Alabama!”

    My Mom: “That’s Obama.”

    Kid: “Oh.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    ““I quote” ~ No One” ~TakuGifian

  35.  

    Jaye: “I thought you and I had an unspoken agreement never to get into each other’s business uninvited.”
    Aaron: “I never said that!”
    Jaye: “That’s why it’s unspoken, dumbass.”

    Eric: “And I said to myself, ‘Kyle—’”
    Amy: “Kyle?”
    Eric: “Yeah, that’s what I call myself.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    And I quote: “““I quote” ~ No One” ~TakuGifian” ~ No One.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    “And I quote: “““I quote” ~ No One” ~TakuGifian” ~ No One.” ~TakuGifian

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    “And I quote: “Knock it off, or I’m going to borrow Spanman’s rolling pin and start whacking people”~Willow”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    Lemme quote something: “I challenge you guys to find a favorite quote of any II member who isn’t yourself.“ ~Puppet.

  36.  

    And I quote: “What Willow said.” ~NP

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    Well, I couldn’t care less whether I get whacked or not.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    whut?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    And I quote: “Well, I couldn’t care less whether I get whacked or not.” ~No One.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER” ~Puppet.

  37.  

    “If they know their work, fine, if they’re don’t, f**k ‘em. I worked with an actress recently who, despite having a reputation as a ‘good actress’, s**ts herself when that little red light comes on. She’s fooled everyone into thinking she’s a lot better than she is.” – Mickey Rourke

    Guess who he’s talking about…

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    C-C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER” ~Puppet.

    Except it’s not.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010 edited
     

    I don’t even know what the hell it’s supposed to mean, I’m just quoting you.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    ...What else would it mean?

  38.  

    @ Marquis: I give up. Who? (I’m curious now…)

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    Well, what combo? How does it break the combo?

    Oh, and keeping up with the quotes:
    “Except it’s not.” ~Puppet.
    “...What else would it mean?” ~Puppet.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    Scarlett Johansson?

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    I am disappointed in a certain person’s ability to be creative, clever and original. To just imagine and think outside of the box. But, I guess I am asking far too much from a clearly limited mind.

  39.  

    I give up. Who? (I’m curious now…)

    Even I don’t know. I was just seeing if anybody had the right idea what he was talking about, though evidence leads to Megan Fox.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2010
     

    Ah, so it’s not necessarily some actor from Iron Man 2.

  40.  

    “Jorgypt”

  41.  

    Yeah, I thought it had to do with Iron Man 2 as well…

  42.  

    THE KEFRENS PYRAMID. BUILT TO HONOR KING KEFREN THE GREAT OF THE 4TH DYNASTY. NOW A SYMBOL OF POWER WORLDWIDE. OFTEN THREATENED BY VEGETABLES AND VANDALS DUE TO IT’S MEANING AND INFLUENCE ON SEVERE MATTERS.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMay 22nd 2010
     

    And I quote: “Amy!” “Rory!” “Don’t do it!” “Fire!” “Nooo!” “Aaarrrrggh!” – The Doctor Who next episode trailer, notable because of the unusually high amounts of short, shouted exclamations.

  43.  

    I was reading The Agony Booth’s recap of the Star Trek: Enterprise episode “A Night in Sickbay”, and this little caption made my day:

    “It’s too bad Porthos won’t live! But then again, who does?”

    The world needs more Blade Runner references.

  44.  

    “I bowled a fucking three-sixty, I did.”

  45.  

    “Your Honor, I can see that you are a reasonable horse. I am very pregnant because of what happened with Lupe. She ate my bus accident and all I wanted was to make Lupe into a book. I have too many good anuses ahead of me to spend them in a cigar factory.”

  46.  

    Fan Fiction Friday?

    “Ah, good old, reliable Drunk Santa.”

  47.  

    “That won’t last. He’s gay, and she’s an alien.”

  48.  
    "LA! SAGRADA! FAMILIA!"
  49.  

    “So, it’s safe to say you’ve been involved in a lot of cases.”

    “2,103.”

    “Give or take…”

    “No… 2,103.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 23rd 2010 edited
     

    “Do not try to find the droids. That’s impossible. Instead, only try to realise the truth.”
    “The truth?”
    “These are not the droids you are looking for. Then you will realise it is not the droids you search for, only yourself.”

  50.  

    A meeting about not stealing office supplies:

    Security Expert: “Ripoff. Report. Identify. Prove. Ostracize. Fire.”

    George: “‘Rip of‘?”

    Security Expert: “You got a problem there Millie?”

    George (aka Millie): “You misspelled ripoff. You dropped an ‘F’.”

    Security Expert: “Oh I see. We have ourselves a smart ass.”

    George: “Don’t you mean ‘smart as‘?

  51.  

    “WHAT’S IS that guys even his PROBLEM? is like heg got BROAD SIDE SCHOOL FED up the BONE BULGE”

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeMay 24th 2010 edited
     

    “Long live the bumbling badger of mediocrity.”

    Mitchell and Webb on House Hufflepuff

  52.  

    “And the true genius of Transformers: ROTF is that Bay has put all of this excess of imagery and random ideas at the service of the most pandering movie genre there is: the summer movie. ROTF is like twenty summer movies, with unrelated storylines, smushed together into one crazy whole. You try in vain to understand how the pieces fit, you stare into the cracks between the narrative strands, until the cracks become chasms and the chasms become an abyss into which you stare until it looks deep into your own soul, and then you go insane. You. Do. Not. Leave. The Cabinet.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2010
     

    “Your’e incorrigible” (pronounced in-co-RIDGE-ible)
    “I am NOT a dirigible!”
    “Yeah, if anything you’re a hot air balloon.”

  53.  

    “Your’e incorrigible” (pronounced in-co-RIDGE-ible)

    You know, puns aren’t quite as funny when you have to mispronounce the words for them to work.

    “Tapping into the collective psyche is not really that far-fetched as it originates in our genetic structure.  An interesting hint of this is given in the next to last episode of Star Wars, when Qi Gong tests the blood of Attikan Skywalker and notes an unusually high amount of “Mitochlorians” (a symbiant lifeform that gives humans access to the Force) in his system.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2010 edited
     

    Not my pun, that was my brother, and he pronounced it incorrectly without knowing it. My part was the dirigible bit.

  54.  

    Not my pun, that was my brother, and he pronounced it incorrectly without knowing it. My part was the dirigible bit.

    Oh, I knew that – this is the And I Quote thread – I was using “you” in the “hypothetical person” sense.

  55.  

    “This car would be slightly less annoying to eco-mentalists if it ran on sliced dolphin.”

  56.  

    The fool, the meddling idiot! As though his ape’s brain could contain the secrets of the Krell!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorRandomX2
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2010
     

    “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMay 26th 2010
     

    [at least we lasted longer than firefly]

    -Yu Gi Oh the Canceled Series

  57.  

    “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.”

    What’s that from? I’ve heard it before.

    •  
      CommentAuthorRandomX2
    • CommentTimeMay 27th 2010
     

    It’s a Woody Allen quote.

    [at least we lasted longer than firefly]

    YGOTAS seems to be getting less and less funny with every passing episode. Maybe I’m just not getting all these new references. But still, I prefer the good ol’ days.

    “Bah humbug, and all that.” ~Spanman

  58.  

    “My penis will break off!” – Isabella Rossellini

  59.  

    “Turn your head… it don’t feel good… turn your head… you don’t wanna take it…”

  60.  

    “Guys in Euro Glasses Look Like Asses”

    “Better the Glasses Than Sweaty Fake Asses”