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  1.  

    “I want a Flintstones-like garbage disposal, or, in this case, because of this horrific cupcake I ate, a creature I can vomit into. “

  2.  

    “We had indices that Xoxx have been preparing kidnapping of professor von Hamburger for a long time and the man has actually disappeared few days ago! Professor was working on a quantum cannon of a new generation. He was planning a peaceful exploitation of the invention, but who could assume a misuse of gigantic cannon?”

  3.  

    And I quote:

    “O, what a disaster not to have testicles!”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeFeb 27th 2010
     

    I quote: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

    Just about aplies my life at the moment. Must keep going.

  4.  

    DRIPPING FLESHY BLOODGORE FESTERS IN YOUR GAPING WOUNDS! DEMONS ‘N’ STUFF! GRAAAAAR!”

  5.  

    And I quote: “Children aren’t coloring books. You don’t get to fill them with your favorite colors.”

    -The Kite Runner

  6.  

    SON.... I AM DISAPPOINT”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTalisman
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2010
     

    And I quote: “Destiny…like a crazy river…with different peoples’ boats that they have goin’ by in it!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2010
     

    And I quote:

    “I’m done beading the hem of my dress.”
    “Dost thy undergarment showeth from under thy beaded hemline, as thou expected?”
    “Aye, it doth. What dost thou maketh of it?”
    “O Scandal! O Shame! O immodest ankle, O! Methinks ‘twere better indeed, aye, to let thy garments hang aproper. O! But soft, how thy undergarment swayest as thou walkth! O fluttering heart! O to be that sock upon thy dainty foot!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorVirgil
    • CommentTimeMar 1st 2010 edited
     

    And I quote:

    Around the world
    Around the world
    Around the world
    Around the world

    (Repeat 17 more times.)

  7.  

    ALWAYS,

    I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,

    MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU,

    AND LIVE IN HARMONY, HARMONY,

    OH, LOVE!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 2nd 2010
     

    What is the name of that song? I know it only as the background music in When Robot Unicorns Attack.

    And I quote: “Enough talk! Have at thee!”

  8.  

    @Moldorm

    What is the name of that song? I know it only as the background music in When Robot Unicorns Attack.

    The song is Always, by Erasure (I have it on my computer, by the way – whisper me and I’ll send it to you), and the game is called Robot Unicorn Attack.

    Have at thee!”

    Have at you.

    “What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!”

  9.  

    “I WANT MY SLAW!!!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2010
     

    Ugh. I curse my inadequate memory!

    And I quote: “Do you know gods of death love apples?”

  10.  

    And I Quote: “You are weak flesh-things, I am strong and have many parts.”

  11.  

    “This game uses patented psychic technology developed in consultation with a leading circus gypsy to provide the most intuitive control system to date: simply choose your favourite control key and toggle it to pump those enormous leg muscles.”

  12.  

    ^^What’s that from?

    More of ^ ^Quote: “As I once clensed the world in fire, I will destroy you and your puny Project.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTalisman
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2010
     

    And I quote: “Whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, wherever it takes me, as long as it takes you away from me!”

  13.  

    @TheArmourer

    ^^What’s that from?

    The description of one of the entries in the 2009 comp.sys.sinclair Crap Games Competition. Basically, it’s an annual contest to see who can make the funniest crap game for the Sinclair ZX Spectrum, and the entries are always hilarious. The game in question is Steroid Sports: 100 Meters: Bolt versus Semenya.

    “To be? Or not to BE!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2010
     

    AND I QUOTE:

    “The only reason we had garlic put in was so we could keep the vampires out of town. And since we have had garlic I haven’t seen one single solitary vampire in town.”

  14.  

    “This one is like shooting fish in a barrel, except with hand grenades.”

  15.  

    “American novelists. One minute they’re nice guys, the next it’s ’ME AND ROBERT HEINLEIN WILL SPITROAST YOU IN YOUR DREAMS’ “

  16.  

    “This is like those old ‘What’s Wrong With This Picture?’ puzzles where the cowboy is riding a giant fish, except that there’s not supposed to be anything wrong with it. Also, it cost $73,000,000.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorJabrosky
    • CommentTimeMar 4th 2010 edited
     

    “I don’t want to be rude, but you have the charisma of a damp rag and the apperance of a low grade bank clerk.”

    —-Some British guy in the EU addressing the EU president

  17.  

    WIN. Who is this British guy, and is he in need of fans?

  18.  

    Who is this British guy, and is he in need of fans?

    Nigel Farage.

    “‘Giant greats!’ He exscreamed! But it was too late and they got sucked in. His plan didn’t work.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorJeni
    • CommentTimeMar 4th 2010 edited
     

    —-Some British guy in the EU addressing the EU president

    I’m impressed by your detailed accuracy, Brandon.

    Who is this British guy, and is he in need of fans?

    No. He can royally piss off.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 4th 2010 edited
     

    I think it was less an example of sticking it to the Man, and more of extremist douchebaggery.

    And I quote: “Sorry I burned down your village. Here’s some gold.”

  19.  

    “use the humer as if u were really climbing something and ull see”

    From the manual of the greatest game ever programmed.

  20.  

    Ginny: “Konichiwa, Cho Chang. I am Ginny Weasley.”
    Lavender: “Bitch, I ain’t Cho Chang!”
    Ron: “That’s Lavender Brown. RACIST SISTER!”

  21.  

    “This is the key to a new order. This code-disk means freedom.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2010
     

    “Weirdly, we never studied osmosis. I just… know what osmosis is. I think perhaps I wiki’d it once.”
    “What, you mean you learned it via… cultural osmosis?

  22.  

    XKCD?

    Also, “IMPERIAL STARSHIP! HALT... THE FLOW OF TIME.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2010
     

    @Dan: No, me and a friend.

  23.  

    “Don’t hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft.”
    -Theodore Roosevelt

  24.  

    And I quote: “There are two types of people in this world: those who swerve to avoid animals in the road and those who swerve to hit them.”

    ...or something like that.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2010
     

    And I quote: “The voice of the devil is heard in our land!”

  25.  

    And I quote: “A man destined to fry can never ever ever die in any other way.”

  26.  

    “Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2010
     

    “Jennifer stood there, quietly ovulating.”

    What the hell?

    And I Quote: “Use punctuation you fools!!!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2010 edited
     

    What the hell?

    It’s a good model line for the Lyttle Lytton Contest (the actual website is blocked on the school computers) 2008, which challenges writers to come up with a humourously bad opening line for a novel. It was actually entered in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, but it fits the Lyttle Lytton one better.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2010
     

    Ah, I see.

  27.  

    “The foot delivered an unending holocaust of pain as it rocketed into Zamboni’s crotch. Zamboni doubled – nay, TRIPLED over in happiness-demolishing agonies.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2010
     

    “Here in Arkham, tentacles get into everything…eventually.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorKyllorac
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2010 edited
     

    “Your feet smell like fried chicken.”
    ~ one of the girls I was camping and shared a lodge with

  28.  

    “O glorious pubes! The ultimate triangle, whose angles delve to hell but point to paradise!”

  29.  

    And I quote: “Tim Tebow strokes old ladies.”

  30.  

    “He was marooned in the jaws of a human minefield, and with every step the noose grew tighter.”

  31.  

    And I quote: “Sucks to your ass-mar!”

  32.  

    “Leon fell out of the goat.”

  33.  

    And I quote: “And that’s the true story of Camberley.”

  34.  

    And I quote: “Oh dear. This calls for a very special blend of psychology … and EXTREME VIOLENCE.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2010
     

    “Good heavens, are these human cadavers?!”

  35.  

    “For centuries, man had watched the clouds; now, they were watching him.”

  36.  

    And I quote: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2010 edited
     

    There’s no way to quote this without the photo.

    AND I QUOTE:

    http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html

  37.  

    There’s a spork of that on the main site somewhere.

  38.  

    Man, that was forever ago.

    “The rats here are particularly repulsive; they are so fat – the kind we all call ‘corpse-rats’. They have shocking, evil, naked faces, and it is nauseating to see their long, nude tails.”

  39.  

    And I quote: “It will not work to jump a 20-foot chasm with two 10-foot leaps.”

  40.  

    “His priest-blessed sword was forged in the boiling feces of the Damned.”

  41.  

    And I quote: “Well, this has a bit of an oaky afterbirth.”

  42.  

    “The place reeked of evil, and everyone scented it with their draconic nasal-oral receptors.”

    No prizes for guessing where I got that.

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 19th 2010
     

    If it was Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, I don’t win a prize.

    “Mistah Kurtz – he dead.”

  43.  

    And Moldorm wins the non-prize.

    “You may have noticed that the food I am eating is rather odd-looking. Also, that I just killed that Japanese man. To answer the inevitable question: Yes. Yes, I am.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMar 20th 2010
     

    And I quote: “You’re weird!”

    That was when I said I was a stalker.

  44.  

    “I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 25th 2010 edited
     

    maybe we could clone her, so that everyone can kill her in their own chosen way

    Like the greek fellow I can’t remember the name of. The one with the liver.

    prometheus

    no, that was the one with the flaming crotch-hair, wasn’t it? brought crabs down from Olympus, or something.

  45.  

    “Alexander’s bronze eyes were toffee pools of pain.”

  46.  

    And I quote: “Smoke me a kipper. I’ll be back for breakfast.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorMoldorm
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2010
     

    “Aro began to laugh. “Ha, ha, ha,” he chuckled.”

  47.  

    Let me guess- from New Moon?

    • CommentAuthorDanielle
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2010
     

    “Sure, he’s got a bunch of villains on the ropes/ But I can tell a million pornographic knock-knock jokes!” —Deadpool asking Ryan Reynolds to drop the role of Green Lantern in favor of playing Deadpool again

  48.  

    “Also, rule of thumb: start giving a shit about any awards system, anywhere, and you can say goodbye to any sanity or credibility you may have been clinging on to.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2010
     

    There was a brass plate screwed on the wall beside the door. It said: “C V Cheesewaller, DM (Unseen), B. Thau, B.F.”
    It was the first time Susan had ever heard metal speak.

  49.  

    “Interstellar travel, now 2-ply for strength and comfort!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2010
     

    “Vampires don’t sparkle, Diggory. 10 points from Hufflepuff.”

    -Elanor

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 28th 2010
     

    from TVTropes:

    Aberforth is the last of the Dumbledores, and at roughly 100-something isn’t likely to have children.

    * We don’t know for sure that he doesn’t already have children, although, given his rumoured preference for goats… * There could still be kids…
  50.  

    Bwahahhaha…

  51.  

    And I quote: “I was accosted by a middle-aged Texan house frau while performing an act of kindness.”

  52.  

    “With a desperate effort, I wrenched my eyes from the hypnotic glare of the snake. I rolled them toward the door. I dared move no further.”

  53.  

    And I quote: “Yeah, Mr. Hubbard loved his life. That’s why he took a bunch of pills, slit his wrists, hung himself, and shot himself while he was hanging.”

  54.  

    “Like the vague torsos of fabulous athletes, huge fleshy clouds lolled on the blue air above their heads.”

    “The crying and clashing of the harmonies were an obsession in the melted bowels.”

    “Round they went, a circular procession of dancers, each with hands on the hips of the dancer preceding, round and round, shouting in unison, stamping to the rhythm of the music with their feet, beating it, beating it out with hands on the buttocks in front; twelve pairs of hands beating as one; as one, twelve buttocks slabbily resounding.”

    All three from Brave New World; all three too good to withhold from this thread.

  55.  

    ...

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 1st 2010
     

    That’s the most erotic conga line I’ve ever heard of.

  56.  

    That’s the most erotic conga line I’ve ever heard of.

    Well, yeah, that was the whole point.

    “Terl could not have produced a more profound effect had he thrown a meat-girl naked into the middle of the room.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 1st 2010
     

    ah, right. So it’s supposed to be like that.

  57.  

    “Her breasts were like melons, which made him wish he’d had a smoothie for breakfast.”

  58.  
    Oh. My. God. I just read the Silk and Steel quote from Taku, and I SO want to heave into my toilet.

    Because all girls dream of having their feet compared to wood. Or their breasts to cheese (that one was my favorite one!!)
  59.  

    WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?!”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2010
     

    I have a favourite quote now!

    “Stay on course, light a star. Change the world wherever you are.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2010
     

    “It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life”.

  60.  

    <3 Hobbits.

  61.  

    M-O-O-N, that spells ‘toolbox.’” – The Stand

  62.  

    “My first reaction was pride. Receiving a threatening letter from the United Nations; I finally felt like I’d done something with my life. Also, there is something inherently amusing about UN threats. I mean, I think the UN does a lot of great work, but, let’s face it, they tend to specialize in demands backed by the threat of further, even more stridently voiced demands. Frankly, ‘You are hereby ordered to cease and desist’ was a lot scarier before I got to ‘says the UN’.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorarska
    • CommentTimeApr 5th 2010
     

    “a/n just so you know i didnt want the stupid quiz first. its the dumb diary software”
    -Because every kid intelligent enough to read a book expecting it to mock pop culture has absolutely no idea how to capitalize, use commas, and completely loves the description of your navel. Damn me and listening to my friend saying I’d like it. I will never read chick lit ever again.

  63.  

    “You know, Hitler wasn’t evil per se. Just misunderstood.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeApr 5th 2010
     

    “If responsibility was a drug, I wonder how many would be addicted?” -Graeme A.S. Brownie

  64.  

    And I quote: “Revolution is a closed curve.”

  65.  

    “Heroin. It’s pretty much WoW in a syringe.”