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And I quote: “I’m going to tear off your arms and use them to applaud your demise.”
EDIT: I updated the quote in my profile to the above, and I had totally forgotten my old one… “No, get rid of that, we have way better Nazi flags than that one.” I love out of context quotes.
@Swenson please to supply the context on the second quote.
Aw, but it’s so much more fun without it!
It’s a quote from Burnie Burns of Roosterteeth, which if you haven’t heard of them directly you’ve probably seen some of their videos or videos from people who work for them. At any rate, because they make internet videos, they have a ton of random props… including, it turned out, multiple Nazi flags. So they were cleaning stuff out and were deciding which of the Nazi flags to toss because they really didn’t need, like, four Nazi flags.
Still a great quote. :)
And I Quote: “So we’ve all decided that Paul Newman was the most perfect and beautiful man to have ever lived and who will ever live, right?”
There is only one answer to this question.
I dunno, I’ll raise you one 60s-era Robert Redford.
They come as a package deal in The Sting and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid .
AIQ: “The only good Indo-European language is a dead Indo-European language.”
(yes, it was sarcastic)
And I Quote: “We’re a community of geniuses because we’ve found how to extract 95% of the feeling of doing something amazing without actually doing anything.” – Chill (fellow moderator from Team Liquid)
“I’d rather you became a crack peddler than an Attorney.” – My Dad
:D
what about a crack-peddling attorney?
Me: So what do you think I should do in college?
Dad: Well, whatever you like, as long as it makes you happy.
Me: Whatever I like? Okay.
(A few minutes of silence)
Dad: But, you, don’t like, want to be a lawyer, right? Or like a doctor? Or an ENGINEER?
(A bit dramatized but it makes me chuckle)
“Think of your many years of procrastination; how the gods have repeatedly granted you further periods of grace, of which you have taken no advantage. It is time now to realize the nature of the universe to which you belong, and of that controlling Power whose offspring you are; and to understand that your time has a limit set to it. Use it, then, to advance your enlightenment; or it will be gone, and never in your power again.” —Marcus Aurelias in Meditations (Maxwell Staniforth translation)
My dad’s response to the new Star Wars movie title: “What, was the Force sleeping?”
“Marriage is like a game of cards. To begin, you need two hearts and a diamond. In the end you wish you had a club and a spade.”
“tendons are the puppet-strings of your fingers”
“On the count of three,” said Professor Lupin. “One — two — three — now!”
Red sparks leaped from his want, flinging the trunk lid open.
Professor Snape, dressed in Neville’s grandmother’s clothes, stepped out.
“Riddikulus! Riddikulus! Riddikulus!” screamed Harry, waving his wand frantically.
Quoth the raven: “Marriage is like a boring dinner that lasts your whole life and you had dessert at the beginning.”
“For a moment, I forgot I was a cop. I didn’t know what to do when I found the bloody knife in the woods.” – From a scene in Pretty Little Liars
“Thou dullard, thou fool! Thou liveried dustman, that moveth in the night: taketh up thy dustpan, and don thou it as like a crown upon thy head!”
AIQ:
“What if we’re dreaming? What if we’re the consequence of someone’s dream? What if what we call god is simply a young child lying comatose in a hospital, fever-dreaming an entire universe into being in the instant before his tiny heart gives out?”
“Wow, that got macabre fast.”
Watching a hoime-cooking competition called My Kitchen Rules:
“Fish tortillas and pork belly: one’s Mexican, the other’s traditional”
So Mexico doesn’t have traditions?
“If you were to take a leaf out of Hemingway’s book, for example, you’d be fined for vandalism by the library.”
From a thread on deadEarth, a very poorly-designed RPG:
for 9 days in a row, my obese, bed-bound … 60 year-old woke up, screamed and exploded.
Ohhh, that looks great. I gotta read that thread.
“Every hero is the villain of his own story.” – Holly Black
Yeah, the transitive property doesn’t necessarily apply to things other than math.
There are two novels that can transform a bookish 14-year-kid’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish daydream that can lead to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood in which large chunks of the day are spent inventing ways to make real life more like a fantasy novel. The other is a book about orcs.
-John Roger
I love that quote.
Someone just posted this to the Facebook linguistics page:
Netizens vs Linguists
N: IE sucks
L: What did you just say about the Indo-European languages you prescriptivist!?
N: Do you like RP?
L: It’s better not to champion any dialect of English.
N: I went on /b/ yesterday. It was unbelievable.
L: What’s wrong with the voiced bilabial plosive?
N: Kŋøωłèǧé
L: struggles to pronounce kngöowɛdʒe…
N: PIE!!! PIE IS THE BEST!!
L: I specialize in Sino-Xenics
:D
And I Quote Jonathan Heawood: “The UK Border Agency seem to have lost their passport to common sense.”
AIQ: “The most significant and unintended benefit of black history month is it miraculously forces racists to out themselves with no provocation.”
And I Quote: “But I just wonder if people fully understand whether bacon is related to pork.”
“What is a warrior without weapons?”
“A warrior still!”
~ Dinobot
And I quote “ Sometimes, courage is knowing when to turn back.”
From self help money emails I signed up for from I will teach you to be rich. He’s kind of mean and not really geared to me but I liked that point. Not something we talk about culturally.
Edit: I hate smartphone keyboards.
I just had a young earth creationist tell me this:
“I’m pretty sure humans synthesize vitamin c pretty well or we would all die of scurvy.”“
yeah.
And I Quote:
“Batman, a megalomaniac who helped found Melbourne (he tried to call it Batmania) and ‘a rogue, thief, cheat and liar, a murderer of blacks and the vilest man I have ever known’ according to his neighbour, is honoured with roads, gardens and statues all over Victoria.”
The Caped Crusader’s done rather well for himself Down Under.
The only reason Melbourne has a crime rate is because Bruce was offended by the snub of the city being named for a mill stream instead of him, so he went back home to Gotham to brood.
“I’ve robbed banks!”
“Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money stays on the inside.”
Terry Pratchett, Making Money
<3 that book!
And I quote, from two competitors from a cooking competition show:
“If we overcook this duck, that’s game over”
AIQ:
My grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, “If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.” Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me: “Don’t ever smoke. Please don’t put your family through what your grandfather put us through.” I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.
And I quote: “I know what I want from life: it’s the constant struggle and melancholy that characterize an immigrant. That sense of non belonging, of being a stranger in every Country but citizen of the World.”
-My Italian lover
And I Quote Wilson Fisk: “This world is preoccupied with celebrity weddings and…videos of cats. “
And I Quote:
I’ve just invented a new word: plagiarism!
“Our TEAM has a passion for servicing our members over and above their exception.”
... no thanks.
And I Quote Tim Hayward: “...[I]n Camden Town, we’d only ever had the sort of corner shops where you have to fight through waist-high crowds of shoplifting Ewoks to choose between a single packet of out-of-date trail mix and a pack of pre-holed beige tights.”
I’m always so jealous of Taku’s conlang nuts, I’m really excited to have come across one of my own. He keeps insisting all these things about how his language doesn’t have alignment (um?) and DID I MENTION IT’S OLIGOSYNTHETIC and doesn’t have a passive voice which is apparently supposed to be super bizarre (um??) and how it doesn’t have phonemes and ಠ_ಠ
Best response to him so far, AIQ:
Fatal Error in /etc/vhosts/cws/~tmp/bot.php on Line 26: $bot->interpretLang($LANG);
Function CWSBOT::interpretLang($a) expects parameter 1 of type GRAMMAR, but instead UTTER_BULLSHIT was given.
EDIT: MAHAHAHA YES he just posted his “questions” (aka validate how special I am) to TWO, count ‘em, TWO other conlang communities asking the same question but claiming that just nobody can understand his wonderful language and just can’t agree on it at all (literally everyone else in the original thread: IT’S DIRECT ALIGNMENT AND YES IT HAS PHONEMES). So I helpfully linked to the previous thread as… important context. I might need to stop and pick up some popcorn on my way home from work, this has enormous potential. :D
And I Quote Melina Mercouri: “I was born a Greek and I will die a Greek. Mr Pattakos was born a Fascist and will die a Fascist.”
Unfortunately, Mercouri died in 1994, while Pattakos was released from his life sentence and continues to poison the planet at the prodigious age of 102. Still a beautiful use of parallel sentence construction to decry exile.
OMG, swenson, are you talking about Etihus? That one guy was going to revolutionise the field of linguistics from the group up because he construicterd a lang without reference to traditional linguistic terminology.
Either that or Sosti Matiko, the person who made that was/is genuinely crazy, of the “angels, crystals, and healing energies” variety.
For the record, there have been plenty of conlang nuts, I just haven’t mentioned any of them for a while.
And I Quote:
Man was created after Gods likeness with a conscience to understand right from wrong. So regardless if one follows the Bible or not, we all have been instilled with morality. The difference between the Christian and the atheist is that they don’t know why they adhere to morality. In fact they are borrowing from the Christian worldview by following morals themselves. And they are being inconsistent in their worldview because they have nothing of a standard. Anything goes in a Godless worldview based in humanism & naturalism because there is no moral standard if we’re all just the product of random chemical reactions. We’d be no different than a lion killing an animal. But yet the atheist has morals. Here’s the thing… if one thing can be morally wrong then God exists. If the atheist understands something to be wrong then they understand the extreme polar opposite. If it is morally wrong to kill babies for the fun of it, then God exists. Who would an atheist know that this is wrong if he didn’t have instilled in him a moral standard? Where did it come from? How can we prove it?
Just…
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
@Taku – yes!!! I figured he surely must have been peddling his nonsense in other places too, and only just now trickled over to the parts that I stay in.
Has he told you about how he’s going to revolutionise linguistics from the group up by eliminating cases, moods and the concept of alignment, and completely redefining morphology and syntax?
“What I’m doing is getting rid of verbs as a separate entity altogether, because that is what’s causing things like the mess of morphosyntactic alignment. I’m also removing the limited concept of parts of speech in the first place.”
“I’m basically calling traditional understanding of linguistics as a modern form of “the earth is flat”, and conducting a few experiments reveals that it is actually a sphere.”
My favourite quote in response to this particular nut:
“I believe the problems “linguistics” has with describing your language basically is that your descriptions of it are inconsistent and that you don’t really keep your terminology straight. I believe that if you gave a coherent description, linguistics could deal with it without any problems whatsoever.”
ah, conlang nuts.
Haha, he hasn’t gotten quite that far yet, although he did say something along the lines of how linguistics was more like “technology and the culinary arts” than math and science, because apparently you don’t use math or vague “science” in either technology or cooking. I’d like to know what all those math classes I took for my CS degree were for, then… there’s certainly an art to programming, but there’s a whole lot of logic and math going on too. (and I’m pretty sure there’s plenty of science in baking too, some chemistry at least)
Anyone who thinks cooking doesn’t use maths has never tried to make only one serving from a recipe that serves 8. What’s one-eighth of three quarters of a cup?
What’s one-eighth of three quarters of a cup?
Hold on…
0.09375 cups. So, slightly less than one-tenth of a cup.
... I’m not sure why I felt compelled to figure that out.
Talking about the structure and economy and legal systems of Hell, considering how many millions of people live there for eternity.
And I quote:
C: Oh I dunno. Legal tangles can cause their own kind of hellishness
M: I believe that’s bureaucracy, not legality. There’s nothing in Hell that is illegal, so long as you fill out the correct forms in triplicate, get each copy individually witnessed and notarized (which requires the filing of a Request to Witness and Notarize for each one), and then file them with the appropriate clerk. Who will then refuse to file your form because of religious concerns, and refuse to allow any of her underlings to file it. Until you fill out an application to receive a Request for Appeal form, which, once witnessed and notarized following the filing of the correct Request to Witness and Notarize form, will allow you to apply to the Court of Appeals of Hell to register your intent to file a Request to Bypass Clerk With Religious Convictions form.
ETA:
C: slow clap
M: Did you file the appropriate Request To Initiate Slow Clap form?
C: XD You’re trying to make me laugh til it hurts ain’t you?
M: No, I haven’t received my Approval for Witnessing and Notarisation of my triplicate Application to Receive Documentation Relating to the Request To Induce Laughter In Another Person form. Once I get that and my application is witnessed, notarised, filed, and approved, I will be eligible to receive the paperwork necessary to apply for a single-use Permit granting me the right to Induce Laughter In Another Person, subject to and pending council approval.
On finding good pizza: “...[W]alk into a dingy-looking pizza place where every employee looks like they sweat olive oil. Eat that pizza.”
@Inspector Karamazova
And I Quote the West End Whingers: “[T]o be fair [EVITA] has more tunes than your average A[ndrew] L[loyd] W[ebber] show. And he’s obviously pleased with them because they get used over and over again (I think if one were being kind one would use the terms ‘leitmotif’ and ‘reprise’ but there’s not much inclination towards kindness coming from our seats)”
EDIT: I’m finding lots of these.
And I Quote: “[The artist] forgets that every mirror held up to society has a hand holding it, and that hand had best own its part in the ensuing storm if anything of value is to come of the uproar.”
And I quote:
“I didn’t know David Bowie made music until, like, last week.”
— my 16-year-old brother
And I quote:
“My particular bailiwick isn’t to be a provocateur in that regard”
- Adam Savage. I just love his vocabulary and the casual way he uses it. Who says “bailiwick”, let alone so naturally?
And I Quote:
“My grades are telling me to be a trophy wife, but my looks are telling me to study harder.”
Ha! I like it.
And I Quote:
“did you hear that?”
“It was a deafening nightmare shriek, how can anybody not have heard it?!”
And I Quote:
“Once a couple years ago I visited a friend’s aunt who lived in the West Village. She had owned this 2 bedroom apartment since the late 60s, and it was covered, every inch, in stuff. African thumbharps, oil paintings, books, more books, photos of her and Harry Belafonte, kitsch, camp, high art, low brow, stuff. Gorgeous comfy wooden furniture and bright colored throw rugs, low lights, bright brass pots full of produce in the kitchen. The whole thing looked like a Klimt or a Kandisnsky.
What’s that? I want that. It was well-organized, openhearted, diverse, crowded, aggressive, thoughtful, and cozy. It was the true promise of urbanity. Where’s the magazine of 60 year old Jewish divorced lesbian therapist pothead interiors?” (spelling corrected)
I could post at least one quote a day. This thread needs more love!
“There’s nothing wrong with G-rated movies as long as there’s lots of sex and violence.”
AIQ: “The sequel [to Mary Poppins ] will be called Mary Poppins Returns and it’ll be released Christmas Day 2018. So, you’d imagine a third film to be called Mary Poppins Forever followed by Mary and Jack, then Mary Poppins Begins, followed by The Mary Poppins, The Mary Poppins Rises and then rebooted with Mary Poppins V Amelia Bedelia.”
^ was that avclub? I laughed when I read that.
AIQ:
Whanne Daynger reareth an head most Uglie; bravely turneth Robin his tayl, thus to flee.
Yea, verily doth Robin turn about; all Gallantrie didst cicen him he out.
The accurate spelling made me think “Chaucer!” before “Monty Python!” so congratulations?
Thanks! Even better, it has an unintentional aabb rhyme, which I totally didn’t see until I’d posted it.
I doubt it’s unintentional, considering that the original does the same.
is that covered under Obamacare?
I would have no idea, being an Australian and therefore not living in a dystopian nightmare where basic healthcare is spoken of in hushed tones around burning drums of discarded Starbucks cups while children make nests in piles of standardised test papers and fall asleep to the soothing sound of distant gunfire and police sirens in the night.
^This description is (sadly) more accurate than I’d like to admit.
And I quote:
“For sale: one freezer. Not working properly. Would make ideal fridge.”
And I Quote Shing Yin-Khor:
“I’m going to shove my tiny exotic fist so far up your ass you’re going to have the most exotic rectal prolapse in the Western world, dickbucket.”
And I Quote, on the topic of old-fashioned names for jobs:
cobblers baked peach pies. Tiny peach pies to thank the elves for making shoes and letting them take the credit. Everyone thinks that cobblers made shoes, but that’s exactly what they wanted everyone to think. Nope! The elves found the one person in the village who made the best peach pies, made a bunch of shoes for them, and let them claim the credit in return for a regular supply of peach pies. That’s why today we celebrate the many centuries of long-standing human-elf peace with a ‘peach cobbler’.
And I quote, the most confusing insult I’ve ever been subject to:
Hmmmm OK silly boy , see I’m actually just playing with you cause I don’t use , kisses as full stops , no no no , an I’m about twenty billion time more intelligent than you will be in ten life time , riddle me this little boy , who thinks he’s smart , in a dark Forrest in the depth of night , should one prey on a slightly lesser person who might by the shimmering of light seem timid in the eyes of the wolf or should we actually fear the crazy eyed deer for she holds only the grave of the morning haze , should wolf not them bow to her in hind site at least not In for thought , is it with out the light of mind you stand to meet me on your own when it is you dear boy who is actually the prey
Be carful who your calling idiot , boy ,
Get lost , stupid shit , we tell idiots ,ile bet you ten dollars you don’t even understand what I just wrote you dumb fucking Aussie , picked a fight with the wrong girl forest gump xx
Kissssssses xxxxxx
I doubt anyone could understand that – for one, it’s complete gibberish, and two, it’s grammatically incorrect gibberish. Writing something like that doesn’t mean your smart. (what the hell is “the grave of the morning haze” anyway?) Unless English isn’t this girl’s first language (and mistakes like “hind site” rather than “hindsight” and “for thought” instead of “forethought” gives me that impression).
Please tell me other people saw this and were also completely baffled.
She’s a white person who was born and raised in Brighton, England, so I’m guessing English is her naive language.
I’m guessing English is her naive language.
I see what you did there ;)
Oh, well then. I guess she’s just spouting pseudo-philosophical gibberish. Grammatically incorrect pseudo-philosophical gibberish.
Two parties, both alike in vacuity,
In fair Washington, where we lay our scene,
Political grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil servants make civil skirts unclean.
From forth the party rooms of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d lovers make their speech;
Whose misadventured piteous overtones
Do of happiness the common people leech.
Wait, now I need to know who the star-crossed lovers are. :P
AIQ:
if you think Harry Potter “inspired” A Song of Ice and Fire and that they are anything alike because they’re in the same genre, I would suggest you actually research what both are about first. That’s like saying Miss Congeniality inspired Brokeback Mountain because they both have romance.
Not to mention that the first book of A Song of Ice and Fire was published a year before the first Harry Potter book.
And I Quote:
As anyone who has seen [Christian Bale] play Batman can attest, he doesn’t really speak with an American accent so much as growl and burp his lines out, like a man with a sore throat and a bad case of acid reflux.EDIT
And I Quote Irvine Welsh: “[Bob Dylan’s Nobel Literature Prize] is an ill conceived nostalgia award wrenched from the rancid prostates of senile, gibbering hippies,”
The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea weighs in: “Award of Nobel prize for literature to LSD-smoking United States peasant minstrel Robert Dylan shows total degeneration of western culture.”
And I Quote Alan Bradley:
“Her hawk nose and dark complexion gave her the look of a pirate who had given up the sea for a career in education.”
I know many such pirates.
And I Quote: “Behind every successful man is a woman pegging him”
PS I am double posting because it’s been more than a month.
And I Quote”
“When life hands you lemons, you have been chosen. It is time. There is no turning back now. You are the Lemon Keeper.”
EDIT in 2018:
And I Quote:
“han solo is just a dude who made charisma his best stat but can’t roll above a four at any given time”