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  1.  

    I still hold that she’s a decent actress as well (though I haven’t seen much of her recent non-Twilight stuff).

  2.  

    Kristen Stewart just doesn’t care what people think of her (and neither does Robert Pattinson, for that matter). I admire that she doesn’t constantly try to please people. She’s surly, but it’s better than fake-smiling all the time.

    • CommentAuthorDeborah
    • CommentTimeNov 15th 2012
     

    I can say everything I need to say in this paper in four pages. The rest is just padding—and block quotes. Block quotes are your friend.—Me

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2012
     

    AND I QUOTE:

    “Preschoolers seem to be aware of fat, thin, tall and short,” she said.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2012
     

    Uh… is that supposed to be a blatantly obvious statement?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2012
     

    That was a “this is news that we [behavioural scientists] didn’t know before” statement. In reference to three-year-olds calling fat kids fat.

    •  
      CommentAuthorPuppet
    • CommentTimeNov 16th 2012
     

    And I quote: “Something so simple as human touch, compassion, and companionship is worth more than anything else in the world. If you’ve got it, if you have someone that loves you – don’t give that up. Don’t waste it. Don’t be petty or throw it away because of other little things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of life.” —mrbill

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeNov 17th 2012
     

    Wise words, mrbill.

    Hahaha, I’m not even making this up. FanTroll on A-S:

    “I have come to the conclusion that this journal is invalid in every way. I have come to change your mind.
    I would like to point out that to make fun of a book you have to have read it. “

    Probably the most harmless troll we’ve had for a long time, but still.

  3.  

    And I Quote James Turner: “[L]iteralism put the authority of the Bible at risk.”

    DIscuss if you so desire. See here for details.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2012
     

    Meh. That is a pretty severely your-mileage-may-vary interpretation. An interesting take on things, however.

  4.  

    “Just to get your sister really mad, I’m going to tell her that evolution can’t possibly be true because it violates the second law of thermodynamics!” – my dad

    I couldn’t tell, because we were on the phone, but I’m pretty sure that his eyes were bulging diabolically the way they do when he comes up with plots like this…

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2012
     

    Your dad is evil, Snow White Queen. Evil.

  5.  

    Haha, he really does enjoy pushing people’s buttons…maybe a little bit too much. If the Internet had existed in its current state when he was my age, I’m almost certain he would have been a troll of some sort.

    •  
      CommentAuthorKyllorac
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2012
     

    I’m going to tell her that evolution can’t possibly be true because it violates the second law of thermodynamics!

    But that’s untrue. :o The second law is commonly phrased as increasing chaos/disorder, but it’s more accurately phrased in terms of heat loss.

    Animals are essentially giant machines that convert chemical energy to mechanical energy, and the bigger or more complex an animal typically is, the more waste heat they produce. That heat cannot be harnessed ever again, and so it’s a one-way dissipation of heat into the overall system, which thus increases entropy. And so evolution is the universe’s way of facilitating entropy. ;P

  6.  

    ^ Oh he knows. He just wants to yank my sister’s chain.

    •  
      CommentAuthorKyllorac
    • CommentTimeNov 18th 2012 edited
     

    And your sister does not know? :o

    Your father is an evil, evil man. I approve. >:3

  7.  

    And your sister does not know? :o

    Well, he does set out to annoy her quite often, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s suspicious. My dad is a ‘but I was just curious‘ garden variety troll. The best way to get around him is to just laugh with him, but my sister will probably get annoyed anyways and fall right into the trap.

  8.  

    ^ Good to know your dad still owns.

    Quote:
    “Shepard: Die, Reaper! You don’t belong in this world!

    Catalyst: It was not by my hand that I am once again given form. I was called here by the Crucible, who wishes to pay me tribute.

    Shepard: Tribute? You steal organics, and make them your slaves.

    Catalyst: Perhaps the same could be said of all galactic civilizations.

    Shepard: Your words are as empty as your hologram. The organic races ill need a savior such as you.

    Catalyst: What is an organic?! A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk, have at you!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeNov 19th 2012
     

    I was inspired to reread the best ME3 fanfiction ever, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Annihilation after reading that. I do that every once in awhile after I think about the ending. It… helps.

  9.  

    Good to know your dad still owns.

    Yeah, I really miss him.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeNov 21st 2012
     

    My local paper is full of quote gems.

    In her flat police found digging equipment, body bags, and instructions on how to open graves.
    ...
    “We don’t know how she acquired the remains”, the prosecutor said.

    Gee, where’s Holmes when you need him?

  10.  

    And I quote:

    Vampire, angel, Viking, lover, Navy SEAL
    What mortal woman could resist him?
    Even if it costs her everything.

    —an ad on Goodreads for some book called Kiss of Surrender

  11.  

    Vampire, angel, Viking, lover, Navy SEAL

    Wait, he’s ALL of these?

    ...What.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeDec 2nd 2012
     

    I would have thought the first precluded the second. Or that the second precluded the third. Or that the third precluded the fourth.

  12.  

    The ad implied that he is all of those things, yes.

  13.  

    At the same time?

  14.  

    At the same time?

    No idea. That’s why it was so comical to me, because it’s like all the stupid romance novel love interests combined into one person. Who knows? Maybe there’s a colony out there of vampire angel Viking Navy SEALs looking for love.

    EDIT:
    Here’s the Goodreads description (it got a 3.92 rating D:):

    No one knows that better than Trond Sigurdsson. In the centuries since he last went out drinking and wenching with his Viking buds, Trond has been a gladiator, a cowboy, a ditch digger . . . even a sheik. But now he’s the baddest of them all: a kick-ass Navy SEAL kicking butts of terrorist immortals with the help of his hotter-than-Hades female partner, police officer-turned-Special Forces operative Nicole Tasso—whom Trond dearly hopes to “partner” with very shortly in a whole different way.

    The “cop” part of Nicole tells her there’s something bizarre about her gorgeous godlike teammate. But her “all-woman” side can’t help wondering how great it would be to have a virile Viking in her bed. Trond has secrets galore, but Nicole feels certain she can dig them out—and really get to the heart of this powerful, unnerving stranger whom she may be risking her soul to love.

    So I guess he is kind of all those things at once, but he’s not actively a plundering Viking while being a Navy SEAL. BUT he is a vampire angel all the time, I think. Reviews say they’re called vangels. Seriously.

    I’m also thinking that these might be sort of supposed to be funny rather than completely serious.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeDec 2nd 2012
     

    “vangels” is only one syllable away from being impossible to take seriously. As it is, it’s merely really, really difficult.

    I saw an advertisement for a ‘workshop on bdsm’ today as part of the Melbourne Pride Month lineup next year, because, and I quote, “50 Shades ruined more than just literature.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeDec 2nd 2012
     

    You guys are being way too hard on that book. Honestly, a vampire-angel-lover-SEAL-Viking-whatever sounds AWESOME.

    ...oh wait, you mean the book is trying to be serious, not humorous? Never mind then.

    No, but seriously, please tell me it’s a parody book. If so, it would be hilarious and awesome. If not, I want to go cry now. :(

  15.  
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeDec 3rd 2012
     

    Got a 404 error, unfortunately.

    •  
      CommentAuthorsansafro187
    • CommentTimeDec 3rd 2012 edited
     

    Shit. It’s supposed to be a link to the F-Plus’s Irregular Podcast #1, in which they talk about Kindleporn with Kindleporn authors. I’ll fix it when I get home from work.

    Does this work?

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeDec 4th 2012
     

    Even those great writers whom we regard with special awe, and whom we celebrate for their refusal to parrot the cliches of their culture, tend to be particularly brilliant improvisers rather than absolute violaters or pure inventors. Thus Dickens crafted cunning adaptations of the melodramatic potboilers of his times; Shakespeare borrowed most of his plots, and many of his characters, from familiar tales or well-rehearsed historical narratives; and Spenser revised for his own culture stories first told, and told wonderfully, by the Italian poets Ariosto and Tasso.

    From Stephen Greenblatt in his essay “Culture”.

  16.  

    I cannot emphasize how true this is. Reading Spenser, Milton, and Chaucer this semester has really made me see that our opinions about originality and homages vs. plagiarism, etc. have changed so much.

  17.  

    And I quote:

    Time
    goes
    too
    fast.
    Come
    home.

    —“The Shrinking Lonesome Sestina by Miller Williams

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeDec 22nd 2012 edited
     

    “Now’s a good time to make like a shepherd, and get the flock out of here.”

    That’s one I hadn’t heard before, and it made me laugh.

    EDIT:

    “Harry took a step back, hoisting his back onto his shoulder. “

    o.O

  18.  

    And I Quote: “If you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJan 3rd 2013
     

    AIQ:

    “Fortunately, fast and efficient Emergency Medical Services, based on a program founded by Lyndon Baines Johnson the 36th President of the United States helped y’all survive an otherwise, deadly crash,” Isadore chuckled.

    I’m reading Atlanta Nights, and it’s basically pretty great.

  19.  

    ^^I’ve been interested in reading that, but I wasn’t sure if it would actually be enjoyable to read. Sounds like it is though.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJan 3rd 2013
     

    Yeah, it’s the same sort of idea. And I suppose opinions may vary, but I’m about three-quarters of the way through and I am thoroughly enjoying it—mostly because I’m tracking the characters and all of the gaping plot holes (and that one aside about penguins…). I’ve just finished the chapter where Bruce discovers the truth about his parents.

  20.  

    And I Quote George Bernard Shaw:

    “The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated”

    And I Quote William Shakespeare:

    “And yet love knows it is a greater grief
    To bear love’s wrong than hate’s known injury.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeFeb 4th 2013
     

    And I quote:

    “Get through a draft as quickly as possible. Hard to know the shape of the thing until you have a draft. Literally, when I wrote the last page of my first draft of “Lincoln’s Melancholy” I thought, Oh, s*$%, now I get the shape of this. But I had wasted years, literally years of writing and re-writing the first third to first half. The old writer’s rule applies: Have the courage to write badly.” -Joshua Wolf Schenk.

    And now I bring you a quote from my Physics teacher:

    “You’re never too old for stickers.”

    • CommentAuthorDave
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th 2013
     

    And I quote, “Hey there, little boys and girls, today we’re gonna learn how to poison squirrels.”

    My mom would be so proud.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th 2013
     

    I almost don’t want context for that one.

    • CommentAuthorDave
    • CommentTimeFeb 5th 2013
     

    ^ Eminem, The Kids.

    • CommentAuthorDeborah
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2013
     

    How shall I do it? I’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea, and I’ll put that flea in a box, and I’ll put that box inside another box, and then I’ll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives—HA HA—I’ll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER! —Yzma, The Emperor’s New Groove.

  21.  

    “SO WHAT THIS IS COMES DOWN TO IS THIS: YOU ARE NOT WATCHING IT BECAUSE YOU DO NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU WILL END UP LOVING IT. SIMPLE AS THAT.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2013
     

    What’s that, Sansa? Is that your new argument to get people to watch The Wire?

  22.  

    No, Film Crit Hulk wrote it over a year ago regarding Community, and I didn’t even know he liked it until I was trawling his archives today while bored at work. He absolutely nailed it, though. My most Community-obsessed friend refused to watch it(“It’s the same kind of shit as the Big Bang Theory!” he exclaimed dumbly) until I literally forced the Season 1 DVD box into his hands and made him promise he’d watch up to the Halloween episode. Now it’s become borderline inextricable to his whole worldview, and I’m not even exaggerating.

    It works just as well for the for The Wire, though.

  23.  

    And I Quote Katherine Cross:
    “We believe that a right is something that you can touch. Can taste. Can live and breathe. It is something tactile, material, with a size and shape that is known and something that is more than a phantom of a whisper of a thought on parchment, a right is the recognition of your humanity.”

    Why is this so hard to understand?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2013 edited
     

    And I quote the only epic line from Inheritance (yes, the one by Paolini):

    “... but then they had allowed the soldiers to lure them back amongst the buildings. In retrospect, that had been a mistake.”

    If the series had been a parody or satire (I’m still not convinced it isn’t) this would have been absolutely perfect. Delivered with perfect sardonic dryness, and is about the single greatest understatement of the entire series.

  24.  

    Ahahahhahahahaha I can imagine that turning up in Good Omens or something.

    •  
      CommentAuthorNorthmark
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2013 edited
     

    I really like Hulk’s posts, but I have to use Convert Case to read them. It’s just too much of a pain for me to read an upwards-of-12,000-words essay in all caps.

  25.  

    And I quote: “Now he would never write the things he had saved to write until he knew enough to write them well.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorlilyWhite
    • CommentTimeFeb 15th 2013
     

    And I quote:

    “Our galaxy has billions of stars. Each of those stars could have many worlds. Every world could be home to a different form of life. And every life is a special story of its own.” – The Stargazer (voiced by Buzz Aldrin), Mass Effect 3

    Every time I hear that line, part of me wants to write a sci-fi story.

  26.  
    There are eight million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.
    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeFeb 18th 2013
     

    How do we know God exists? Unless we begin with the assumption that he does, we can’t know anything else exists! Unless we presuppose that God created us with the ability to know things through sensory experience and reason, we have no philosophical basis for trusting either. Philosophically speaking, unless we know a wise God gave us our senses, how can we know everything isn’t an illusion? As for reason, we can’t prove the validity of reason without using reason! We must assume what we are trying to prove in order to prove it. All human reasoning is circular, but when we leave God out of the circle we are left like a dog chasing its tail without any hope of catching it! Without beginning with the philosophical presupposition that a God who has spoken to mankind exists, we are doomed to reason in circles with no way of knowing how to discern truth.

    Philosophically speaking, presupposing anything that has not been proven is an inherently flawed argument.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeFeb 18th 2013
     

    Hang on, don’t we have to presuppose a lot of things to get anywhere? We have to presuppose something to build everything else off of, don’t we? If nothing more, we have to assume that logic works. I admit I’m not up on modern philosophy, though, so perhaps someone has come up with an answer to this one already.

    (This has nothing to do with that particular argument—which I agree, is a rather poor one for God’s existence or lack thereof—just an observation.)

  27.  
    And I Quote Christine Gardner: "[The story] depicts the princess as lost and in need of rescuing. The man on the horse is capable of providing rescue. The princess cannot choose to be rescued, nor can she choose who rescues her; agency lies with the prince alone”

    The story can be from the Bros. Grimm, Hans Christian Anderson, or just the stories society tells itself on television and in books, in how children are raised.
    •  
      CommentAuthorKyllorac
    • CommentTimeFeb 20th 2013
     
  28.  
    Yes, Kyllorac. Very few people read everything collected by the writers I listed, and many of the stories feature female agency. I am speaking more broadly of collective myth that informs social mores. A lack of mythos has killed many nations, brought chaos and destruction upon them.
    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeFeb 24th 2013 edited
     

    And I quote:

    “Sleep has a restorative effect”

    “Might be why they call it rest”

    “Although that also might be because it Renews your Exercise and Stress Tolerance.”

  29.  

    And I quote: “What the heck is Futura doing next to a cowboy hat? It’s like they’re trying to ride a horse through IKEA.”

    —A post from this guy about the new Arby’s logo that I came across when trying to find out if other people are similarly annoyed with the Arby’s commercials featuring the New Yorker that rags on Subway.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 3rd 2013
     

    Some product reviews are unintentionally hilarious.

    AIQ:

    Small put on bedside come with pad, put under pillow get me up morning. Pad shaker excellent set by vib clock number. Big see them display. High volume on it excellent buzz excellent too. Thanks for sending to me because DEAF.

  30.  
    And I Quote:

    "Trop verte et mal éclairée"

    That's why art is better than reality.
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2013
     

    “We have to deal with the world we have, not the one we wish we had.”

  31.  

    ^^I like that.

    And I quote: “Nothing like exam day to let me know who’s still enrolled.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013
     

    And I quote:

    “It’s tough being a dyslexic mod. Some days I ban spammers for spamming. Other days, I nab smappers for smapping.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorFalling
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013
     

    And I quote:

    “Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man”

    Best comeback ever.

  32.  

    I love that line.

    • CommentAuthorDave
    • CommentTimeMar 16th 2013 edited
     

    I love that line.

    Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.

  33.  

    Well played, sir.

    • CommentAuthorDave
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2013
     

    Well played, sir.

    Why, thank you.

  34.  

    And I quote: “Never put off writing until you are better at it.”

  35.  

    And I Quote Edna St. Vincent Millay:

    “Am I a spy in the land of the living,
    that I should deliver men to Death?”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMar 30th 2013
     

    And I quote:

    “Saying that the New American Bible is the inerrant word of God is like saying that humans popped up exactly as-is without any sort of physical or cultural evol- oh, wait.”

  36.  

    “If it wasn’t for the money Romo would be living in a Kafkaesque nightmare, where acting like a good person while being good at your job just makes millions of people despise you while huge, violent people keep hitting you over and over again.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 5th 2013
     

    There once was a man from Darfur
    Whose limericks all stopped at line four.
    When asked why this was,
    He just said “Because.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 6th 2013
     

    This deserves a separate post.

    AIQ:

    Erghh.
    I just don’t know why you can’t all see that my point of view is the right one. Oh well.

    •  
      CommentAuthorlilyWhite
    • CommentTimeApr 9th 2013
     

    And I quote:

    “the Internet is the ultimate megaphone, so a small number of people can sound really loud”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2013
     

    What the everloving what.

    “I think Africa would benefit from benevolent colonialism”

    He went on to clarify that he was thinking of a benevolent colonialism overseen by an international committee similar to the UN, rather than any single country.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2013
     

    I think Africa would benefit from a time machine to stop colonialism from ever happening, but maybe that’s just me.

    More on-topic, though, where do you find these loonies, Taku?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2013
     

    all around the place! Writing forums, work, other internet places, kung fu, and so on.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2013
     

    In an even more professorial voice, already deep and roaring enough, Terl repeated his thought. “Man is an endangered species.”

    Char glowered at him. “What in the name of diseased crap are you reading?”

    That is the page quote for the TV Tropes page for Battlefield Earth. Having just finished the spork, I cannot think of a better quote to sum up the book.

  37.  

    “We need to take our work seriously, but not, perhaps, ourselves.”
    -My Shakespeare Professor

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2013
     

    @swenson: The fact that those are the second and third sentences of the book makes it even better.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2013 edited
     

    AIQ again: “You’re not the brightest knife in the crayon box, are you?”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 20th 2013
     

    Could not stop laughing when I overheard this:

    “Americans are all going on about how the country’s pulling away from God. Well if the Church won’t let them use condoms, pulling out is really the only option.”

  38.  

    “On a scale from one to Les Mis, how important is it?” – Me, last night

  39.  

    And I quote: “English acquires new words with the delicacy of a vacuum cleaner.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 20th 2013
     

    AIQ: “Don’t try to be original. Just try to be good.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorlilyWhite
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2013
     

    And I quote (some stupid “cure homosexuality” course on the internet):

    We’ve become so accustomed to “drinking” the “water” of homosexuality that unless we cut it off, we will, out of habit, return to it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2013
     

    What? How does that even make sense?

    •  
      CommentAuthorlilyWhite
    • CommentTimeMay 30th 2013
     

    I don’t even know what it’s supposed to mean but it sounds so goddamn dirty that I laughed over it for about ten minutes.

    ...irony!

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJun 1st 2013
     

    “I’m not laughing at your joke — I’m laughing at the fact that you think it’s funny.”

  40.  

    “It was a few weeks ago that I found out several pounds of concentrated evil was living inside me, otherwise known as a pregnancy.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJul 2nd 2013
     

    Customers_suck can get some real gems.

    “Things that are not and cannot will continue to not until such time as they can.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJul 2nd 2013
     

    AIQ: “Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say ‘infinitely’ when you mean ‘very’; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.” —C. S. Lewis

    Lewis has the best quotes.

  41.  

    And I quote: “Until educators stem the tide if adolescents’ declining recreational reading, we will continue to produce a nation of people who can read but choose not to.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorPotatoman
    • CommentTimeJul 5th 2013
     
    Bruce Lee is amazing and I quote: 'A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.' Great man.