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    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2012
     

    “Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2012
     

    And I quote:

    He’s not even trying to be subtle anymore. Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that’s kind of sad.

  1.  

    And I quote: “WIBBA WIBBA WAA!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    And I quote: “Sorry, white person, I can’t hear you over the sound of those ukeleles you’re listening to.”

    Because sometimes, the things Sansa says need to be preserved.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeApr 11th 2012
     

    Yeah, I lol’d irl at that one.

  2.  

    Because sometimes, the things Sansa says need to be preserved.

    Aw shucks ._.

  3.  

    “She was born in the 80’s, she still uses her phone as a phone!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeApr 13th 2012
     

    But I was born in the late nineties and I never want to use phones for anything but phones.

  4.  
    bq. But I was born in the late nineties and I never want to use phones for anything but phones.

    Same here. Although I'm early nineties. . . Hey, I'm so old I predate the internet.
    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2012
     

    “Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon; have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 15th 2012
     

    This is a long-range weapon, all right? I need distance to use it effectively.
    Where were you planning on shooting him from, the moon? If you’d backed up any further, you would’ve had to mail him the bullets!

  5.  

    Spanish teacher talking about people going to the pharmacy for minor things in Mexico:

    Teacher: “I saw people taking home syringes to inject themselves with liquid medicine.”
    Student: “Like heroin?”
    Teacher: “No! Not like heroin!”

    She apparently didn’t here that he was talking about pharmacies, or so she claimed.

  6.  

    Vitamin B12 is the way to go, comrade. It cures everything! Don’t you know expensive injected medications are always better than pills or eating healthy food and sleeping?

  7.  

    And I quote:

    “And though you may turn out to be the best shit shoveler who ever shoveled some shit, there’s not likely to be any celebration for your shit technique and impeccable shit ethic.”

  8.  

    “Imagine what a clusterfuck the world would be if the world adhered to Shounen Law. A 230lb mercenary walks up to Malia Obama and is like “If I win this fight your father has to give the presidency to me!” knocks her out in one punch. Then Newt Gingrich sends his son to fight the mercenaries 40 year old mentally ill uncle. The presidency changes hands 4 times a day and the country falls to chaos as Exxon starts recruiting people to beat up the 7 year old children of BP executives”

  9.  

    And I quote:

    “I like the way Karamazova’s face looks.”
    -Soupnazi

    :D

  10.  

    And I quote:

    “Do vampires die if you blow them up?”
    “Most things die if you blow them up.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeApr 25th 2012
     

    I’m too young to die!
    I’m not, but I still don’t wanna!

  11.  

    “The answer is, me and dead owls don’t give a hoot.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeApr 28th 2012
     

    What I think is the single finest stanza of songwriting I’ve ever heard, from one of my all-time albums.

    “Listening for voices but it’s the choices that make us who we are
    Go your own way, even seasons have changed, just burn those new leaves over”

    - Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeApr 29th 2012
     

    “I have to dash, I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeApr 29th 2012
     

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeApr 29th 2012
     

    “Tasty treat is the icing on the friendship cake!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeApr 29th 2012
     

    Hidden for SH spoilers.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeApr 29th 2012
     

    And I quote:

    Things change. People change. I’m not the same person I was several months ago when I was racist against orcas. Back then most of my waking hours were filled with designing and distributing anti-orca pamphlets at malls and county fairs. I picketed Sea World and frequented anti-orca chatrooms, which is how I met my similarly orca-racist wife Felicia. We had several slightly beautiful children, each more racist against orcas than the last. Then one day something clicked and a thought occurred to me. Maybe orcas aren’t just the slippery nightmares of the ocean? Maybe my anti-orca prejudices were simply a vestigial remnant of my own parents’ old-fashioned orcaphobia? Was I just repeating the cycle of orca racism for no real reason? To test this theory I brought Felicia and the kids to Sea World to get up close and personal with these enormous, mystical aquabeasts. And do you know what happened? During the middle of a live show an orca jumped right out of the water in one glorious burst, its majestic silhouette backlit by heavenly sunlight. Then it flopped out into the stands and ate my children and Felicia in one single, terrifying chomp. Just ate them right up! Oh, it was awful. But the thing was, they’d all been kind of getting on my nerves lately so I had a hard time getting too upset over it. I wasn’t even that mad at the orca! See what I’m saying? I’VE CHANGED. -“Price Peterson”:http://www.tv.com/news/the-secret-circle-the-killing-goon-photo-recap-28504/

    This man is so funny.

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeApr 30th 2012
     

    @BlueMask:

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeApr 30th 2012
     

    @ No One- I know the feeling…

  12.  

    My favorite part from The Importance of Being Earnest needs to be quoted in full:

    JACK: How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can’t make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless.
    ALGERNON: Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them.
    JACK: I say it’s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.
    ALGERNON: When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me. Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as anyone who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink. At the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins.
    JACK: Well, that is no reason why you should eat them all in that greedy way. Takes muffins from ALGERNON.
    ALGERNON: I wish you would have some tea-cake instead. I don’t like tea-cake.
    JACK: Good heavens! I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own house!
    ALGERNON: But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins.
    JACK: I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under the circumstances. That is a very different thing.
    ALGERNON: That may be. But the muffins are the same. He seizes the muffin-dish from JACK.

  13.  

    And I quote:

    “Schemes and plots are the same thing.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 1st 2012
     

    And I quote “Anyone can be killed.”

    Because Arya is the most BAFM kickass character in the entire series.

  14.  

    ^^Tyrion and Arya are my favorites.

  15.  

    I think BAMF is the traditional acronym.

    Jack and Algernon are such queens.

    And I Quote: “Of course you’re hot- on the inside!” — Snow White Father (Snow White King Regent? Father of the Snow White Queen?)

  16.  

    “And you find out you don’t have to be happy at all to be happy you’re alive”
    -Next to Normal

  17.  

    “Of course you’re hot- on the inside!” — Snow White Father (Snow White King Regent? Father of the Snow White Queen?)

    Wow, don’t know how my dad would feel if he knew he was being quoted on the interwebs. But you know, glad to know I’m providing some amusement to you all.

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 2nd 2012
     

    I think BAMF is the traditional acronym.

    But…but…fuckermucker is funnier.

    Dave: You guys seem a lot cooler today. Usually you guys wear clothes from the 70’s.
    Jermaine: They’re not from the 70’s, they’re from New Zealand.
    Dave: Isn’t that the same thing?
    Jermaine: Similar I suppose.

    HAHAHA.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    70’s

    Rageface

    (This message has been brought to you by your local apostrophe Nazi.)

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    Hey now, that’s an accepted use of an apostrophe among a lot of editors and educators. I’d argue it’s unnecessary (it’s not like “mind your p’s and q’s” where they’re necessary to understand the meaning), but I think it’s generally considered OK.

  18.  

    And I Quote: “We don’t need help from every two-bit radioactive wannabe in a Technicolor onesie!”

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    Hey now, that’s an accepted use of an apostrophe among a lot of editors and educators.

    Really? I never knew that. I thought it was just a common misconception.

    I’d argue it’s unnecessary (it’s not like “mind your p’s and q’s” where they’re necessary to understand the meaning), but I think it’s generally considered OK.

    By omitting the “19” part of it, however, it is calling for an apostrophe before “70,” as apostrophes are also to mark when you’re leaving out letters (such as in “nothin’”), and since there is no conceivable need for an apostrophe to mark it as a plural, it really should just be “‘70s,” right? (And while this is just nitpicking and personal preference, I’d write it “Ps and Qs.”)

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    Yeah, if there had been an apostrophe before “70”, I’d agree it would be a bit overkill! As is, I don’t think it’s wrong, per se, just I wouldn’t do it (and a lot of people, like you, evidently wouldn’t either!). At least I don’t think there’s a solid “rule”, in as much as punctuation has them, that it can’t be used in that case.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    Hmm. Very interesting.

    (I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to debates/arguments/whatever actually coming to agreement. Only on this forum!)

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    Soup is correct according to the Australian Style Guide.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    I may be the one in error, then; I didn’t actually check a style guide, just went by a few other things I looked up.

  19.  

    And I quote:

    “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    I just copied and pasted it from a TV website. shrug

  20.  

    Dave: You guys seem a lot cooler today. Usually you guys wear clothes from the 70’s.
    Jermaine: They’re not from the 70’s, they’re from New Zealand.
    Dave: Isn’t that the same thing?
    Jermaine: Similar I suppose.

    Ah, too true.

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 3rd 2012
     

    At least, where my parents are concerned.

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMay 4th 2012 edited
     

    Lol’d at fuckermucker waaay up there. XD

    I don’t know why I’ve never seen that one before.

  21.  

    My friend and I were debating the relative virtues of the male Avengers:

    My friend: I really want to be Hawkeye, but love Captain America!
    Me: Have you ever considered fanfiction?

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2012
     

    “What does he think we are, monsters? Well, we are monsters, yeah, but we’re not monsters about it.”

  22.  

    And I Quote: “God does not play dice.” — Albert Einstein

    If Einstein had won, physics would have much less metaphysical bullshit than it does today.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 6th 2012
     
  23.  

    ‘Dear child, you are beautiful just the way you are. Not because you look or act a certain way, but because you bear the image of God. He delights in you. He sings over you. He dances because of you.’

    D’awwwwww.

    Christians can be truly wonderful sometimes. I just wish people like that got more public light than people like Westboro Church of Sean Harris.

  24.  

    And I Quote: “This deck of cards is a little frayed around the edges. Then again, so am I, and I’ve got fewer suits.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 7th 2012
     

    “The Hall of Compromise announced today that light is neither a wave or a particle, but a “waaticle”. This follows last week’s shock announcement, when it declared that Schroedinger’s Cat is neither alive nor dead, but aled

  25.  

    And I quote: “Hulk? Smash.”

  26.  

    “Star Wars is adolescent nonsense; Close Encounters is obscurantist drivel; Star Trek can turn your brains to puree of bat guano; and the greatest science fiction series of all time is Doctor Who! And I’ll take you all on, one-by-one or all in a bunch to back it up!”

  27.  

    “Not yet….I want to see what happens if we confiscate one of their pens.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2012
     

    “Chocolate squidging out of my brain!”

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2012
     

    “But have you so many only to somewhat speak of tomorrow tower level yes?”

    Explanation wanted. Or else I’m taking it that Soup’s lost it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 11th 2012
     

    “I’m Sherlock Holmes and I always work alone, because no one else can compete with my massive intellect!”

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeMay 12th 2012
     

    “Grammar: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.”

  28.  

    Shit My Dad Says: The Return: “You paint your toes? That’s all a pedicure is? I thought it was something more exciting than that.”

  29.  

    ...That really is all it is?

  30.  

    Yeah, pretty much. Of course, if you get it professionally done, you get ‘pampered’. Also, they probably stay in the lines.

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2012
     

    @swenson- Yes! Another Sherlockian.

  31.  

    Also, they probably stay in the lines.

    hahahaaha
    ha.

    I am SO BAD at staying in the lines so I don’t paint my nails.

    My kid sisters do it for me sometimes though.

    •  
      CommentAuthorSoupnazi
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2012
     

    Explanation wanted. Or else I’m taking it that Soup’s lost it.

    You really don’t know me, do you?

    Wait but that’s kinda obvious. I was just being nonsensical.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTheArmada
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2012
     
    I quote: My name is Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt. I am known to be a fair man unless I am pushed. You Have Just Pushed Me!"-Ibram Gaunt, Straight Silver
    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeMay 13th 2012
     

    @BlueMask – I just started watching the other week, but I love it.

    •  
      CommentAuthorBlueMask
    • CommentTimeMay 14th 2012
     

    Yes, good, just wait until Reichenbach.

  32.  

    And I Quote: “No. No, no, no. No, fuck you. You don’t owe it to yourself. You owe it to me. ‘Cause tomorrow I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be 50. And I’ll still be doing this shit. And that’s all right, that’s fine. I mean, you’re sittin’ on a winning lottery ticket and you’re too much of a pussy to cash it in. And that’s bullshit. `Cause I’d do anything to fuckin’ have what you got. So would any of these fuckin’ guys. It’d be an insult to us if you’re still here in 20 years. Hanging around here is a fuckin’ waste of your time.”

    • CommentAuthorNo One
    • CommentTimeMay 14th 2012
     

    And I quote:

    “What are you doing?” “Oh, I’m just following a pigeon.”

  33.  

    “They should make porn, but for nerds!”

    “They already do. It’s called ‘porn.’”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeMay 19th 2012
     

    AIQ:

    “My hands are small, I know, but they’re not yours, they are my own”

  34.  

    And I quote: “Sucking is nothing Harry wants to do.”

  35.  

    Because you all love to hear from my dad: “My father told me about that famously dirty soliloquy in Ulysses when I was a boy, so I spent hours trying to find that part. But I never could, because the book was so fat.”

    All of my dad’s childhood stories are so weird, they’re awesome.

  36.  

    Your dad sounds like he would be fun to talk to.

  37.  

    SWQ’s dad is one of the last great philosophers of our time.

    “i only have
    one option
    now, i have
    to live with
    my parents”

    -Porky Pig, upon manifesting his powers of necromancy, being expelled from his church, and becoming a kill-on-sight target to all of Christianity.

    Have I told you Tails Gets Trolled is amazing? Because it is.

  38.  

    SWQ’s dad is one of the last great philosophers of our time.

    In his youth, he also fried ants with a magnifying glass and vandalized his grandparents’ floor with curse words. You just can’t have a childhood like that anymore.

  39.  

    And I Quote: “Deserve ain’t got nothing to do with it” — Clint Eastwood as William Munny in Unforgiven, in a script by David Webb Peoples first conceived in 1976.

    •  
      CommentAuthorApep
    • CommentTimeMay 28th 2012
     

    And I Quote:

    “Sir, I have done you no treason, for love is free for all men, and though I have loved your lady, she is my lady as well as yours. Howbeit that I have wrong if any wrong be, for ye rejoice her and have your desire of her; and so had I never, nor never am like to have, and yet shall I love her to the uttermost days of my life as well as ye.”

    - Sir Palamedes after Tristram essentially tells him “Don’t look at my girlfriend.” Why is Tristram the hero again?

    • CommentAuthorWiseWillow
    • CommentTimeMay 28th 2012
     

    No idea. Always hated Tristram and Isolde. Stupid, stupid story.

  40.  

    I like the names, though.

  41.  

    And I Quote: “A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more money than a hundred men carrying guns” (Mario Puzo)

    EDIT:
    Also, And I Quote: “Saying atheism is a religion is like saying bald is a hair colour”.

  42.  

    And I quote: “It kills me sometimes, how people die.”

  43.  

    And I Quote William Carlos Williams: “ It is difficult to get the news from poems yet men die every day for lack of what is found there”

    And I Quote Maura Stanton: “Inspiration occurs at the intersection of writing and memory.”

    (Possible candidate or candidates for front page quote, yes? Please? I would be delighted if this were to occur.)

  44.  

    And I quote: “And word around campus is that my youngest, Lydia, is a bit of a slut.”

    —Lizzie Bennet Diaries

    EDIT:

    And I quote: “I dislike smiling. It contorts the face.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2012 edited
     

    AIQ: “It’s possible to survive within your means, sure, but I wouldn’t call it living

    - Overheard at supermarket today.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 3rd 2012
     

    @Orlando: I’d vote for #2.

  45.  

    I like the second quote also.

  46.  

    And I Quote Ian Fortey: “[The meme] ended up in worldwide news, on Gawker, Yahoo!, Huffington Post, ABC News and elsewhere while journalists kept using the word “viral” because someone in marketing told them to, even though you can tell by their expression that they keep equating it with herpes in their head. Space-age herpes. You get it from trying to bang a floppy drive. Those reporters still have floppy drives.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2012
     

    I must ask, which meme was that?

  47.  

    Ridiculously photogenic guy. I read that article too.

    •  
      CommentAuthorswenson
    • CommentTimeJun 4th 2012
     

    From the newest Dark Knight Rises footage:

  48.  

    It does not matter what meme it was.

    And I Quote Elena Shvarts (translated by Sasha Dugdale): “When an angel carries away my soul/ All shrouded in fog, folded in flames/ I have no body, no tears to weep/ Just a bag in my heart, full of poems”

    And I Quote: “Sir, you can substitute a potato for a potato, not a sandwich for a potato.”

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2012 edited
     

    And I quote:

    “It is possible to sharpen a pencil without a pencil sharpener. It is impossible to sharpen a pencil without a pencil.”

    - Chris David, the Pencil Sharpener Artisan.

    •  
      CommentAuthorInkblot
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2012
     

    I need to know more about this Chris. The Chris I work with is a lot less Zen.

    •  
      CommentAuthorTakuGifian
    • CommentTimeJun 10th 2012 edited
     

    Sorry, his name is David. Somehow I thought I read Chris.

    How to sharpen a pencil

    • CommentAuthorSen
    • CommentTimeJun 12th 2012
     

    Even
    After
    All this time
    The Sun never says to the Earth,

    “You owe me.”

    Look
    What happens
    With a love like that,
    It lights the whole sky.

    - Hafiz