Tis a very good speech. : )


"We thought we had managed all right, kept the awful things out of our minds, but now I'm an old man and they come out from where I hid them. Every night."

- Old Veteran to Richard Holmes.

“I’ve paid my whore!” Christian from Moulin Rouge , said by one of my friends after losing spectacularly at Monopoly to me.

“Sauron out, bitches” Paraphrase of Voldemort from A Very Potter Musical , said by me after I lost to said friend in a different (Lord of the Rings) Monopoly match.

“The sergeant’s questions about J.J.‘s mental health had put worse thoughts into Ciaran’s head. The rate of teenage suicides in the country was soaring. While Helen started the milking and Marian listed for the phone, he made a quiet, thorough search of every building on the farm.”

The New Policeman by Kate Thompson

That’s the last line of the chapter & and I thought it quite possibly the most effective tone for the situation (and it’s about the only characterization that Ciaran gets, though otherwise he seemed to be the happy-go-lucky type.

“I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.” ~Demetri Martin

Amelia: He’s obviously a philanderer who trifles with unsuspecting women’s hearts.
Marie: How romantic.

:D From The Aristocats, but could easily be from a Twilight parody or rip-off.

“Over there’s my spaceship…. And here’s where I keep different lengths of wire.”

“Oh, this is bad. This is extremely very not good.”

—The Doctor

"They taught me how to kill Japs, I got pretty D**** good at it."

-Eugene Sledge in The Pacific.

I read a job advert the other day, they mistyped the word ‘public’. GUESS HOW.

“‘I’m broke, Hagar. What do I do? I want that broom back there.’

Hagar happily extends a finger at the goblin bank of Wobble-Columns.

‘You got an account up in there, Master Harry.’

They enter the foyer among evil, pasty, Hobbity, Ufgoody goblins. They are running the money show, clever turnips, these needleteeth. Imagine a human of about three years of age with antler-like nose and ears, and a jellyfish draped over its head, then stuffed into a leprechaun suit.

Hagar prompts the nearest leprechaun teller for a withdrawal from Harry’s account. The leprechaun, famousness of Harry aside, demands Master P.‘s bank key. Luckily, Hagar, the keymaster, naturally produces Harry’s key.

‘What else of mine does he have?’ Harry ponders.”

Kurt Vonnegot is my hero :D

Kurt Vonnegot is my hero :D

^^ Ditto. :D

“My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist. I despise gingers… and mudbloods. And my parents work for the guy who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?”

That reminds me of:

9 out of 10 Tupari drinkers would recommend Tupari to their friends… and the tenth one’s on my list.

EDIT: From the WMG page of TVTropes for Dr. McNinja:

Original Poster: The Mayor of Cumberland is a retired vampire hunter. He once tangled with Dracula, hence his morbid fear of the undead and wide-reaching connections.

Next Poster: This is more likely than it seems, since he used to be an astronaut.

Best of all, in-universe this makes absolutely perfect sense.

“There’s a certain type of person who loves Star Wars. And then there are people who love Star Trek. They are a different type of people, I like to think a better type of people. And then there are the people who don’t like either. Those people are the dregs of society.”

—one of my lit. professors, roughly paraphrased, he said it way cooler

That's what you get when you watch Twilight

“When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent.”
“Hey! There is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes.”

—The Office

^^ In that vein:
“Top of the muffin TOO YOU!”

After a lengthy description of someone painstakingly slowly accessing Facebook by opening Internet Explorer, going to Google, typing in “www.facebook.com” and THEN getting to Facebook…

It is painful, PAINFUL to watch you people do this. It’s like watching someone try to drive their car by first sitting in the passenger seat, then laboriously climbing over to the driver seat only to pop the trunk up, then climbing to the back seat, dismantling it, exiting car through the trunk, and then finally walking around to the driver side door.

Part of the best blog post evar on failing at using the Internet.

Also, Gail Simone is awesome and anyone who denies this is an idiot.

“Overall I would give this book 2 purple mustaches out of 5 because I did not want to have sex with any of the characters and not enough people died.” – A sarcastic review from a guy I know.

Excel Saga

^Yes. Yes he is. Did Tyrion say that? Because that sounds like something he’d say.

“Reptiles were always a huge part of Phil’s life. He always loved the snakes, the spiders.”
—A show on Animal Planet

...Spiders aren’t reptiles.

Several snake eyes, don’t forget. Creepiest thing about spiders is how many eyes they have. And legs. And their furriness. The non-furry ones I’m totally OK with. (yes, I pulled the legs off daddy longlegs when I was a kid)

My history professor’s description of the American presidential inauguration:

He puts his hand on the Bible and swears not to become a Communist or something.

“Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn’t a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML”

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing when I read this. It’s the sort of thing they’d show on Despicable Me if it were aimed at an older audience.

I laughed at that scene. Really hard.

“There are people out there turned on by the idea of being ravaged by the emo undead and people who desperately want to believe Twilight is a documentary. These people should not meet, because they should not breed. “

“Understanding is a three-edged sword: your side, their side, and the truth.”

“Faced with his immediate death, even the coldest atheist will begin to pray.”

Oh Hai Swenson. Hehe, me too. Haven’t actually seen it, unfortunately, but Youtube has given me a taste. When Tommy says it was meant to be a black comedy all along, I REALLY hope that’s true, considering he raised like a million dollars all by himself. But I doubt it, which just makes it even funnier.
My Favourite part is where they are on the roof talking (She got beaten up so bad she ended up in a hosptial on cararo st “Ha, what a story Mark” hehehe), and though the dialogue is hilarious, I think I’m the only one to get a giggle out of the fact that there just happens to be two chairs there.
YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LISA!!!

I should watch that then.
“Lisa: Did you get your promotion?
Johnny: Nah.
Lisa: You didn’t get it, did you.” So much material from The Room.
Also
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,” —Brooke Shields

“He ended up committing suicide at one point in his life—the end of it.”

—my art history teacher on Vincent van Gogh

She didn’t mean it to sound like that, I don’t think. Also, now van Gogh makes me think of Doctor Who.

I looked up “aroint” and was very excited to see it’s a real word.

“Are you Graham Norton’s bitch, sir?”

“Oh freddled gruntbuggly/thy micturations are to me/As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes. And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don’t!”

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.”

Sorry if that’s a bit long

From my good friend the Grim Reaper:
“Shut up! Shut up, you American. You always talk, you Americans, you talk and you talk and say ‘Let me tell you something’ and ‘I just wanna say this.’ Well, you’re dead now, so shut up.

Yeah, it kind of is. It’s from the Bell Jar. A lot of that book is depressing. :c

“He produces many a ‘wine out of nowhere’ spell and is drunk every day before noon.”

So I will miss the train ride in
And the pranks pulled by the twins.
And though it’s nowhere I have been,
I’ll keep on smiling from the times I had with them.

Winston Churchill:

Keep calm and Carry on

Generation Y:

Go mad and Freak out

And who says Teens don’t have an opinion?

Cabal could not have been more horrified if she’d pulled off her face to reveal a gaping chasm of eternal night from which glistening tentacles coiled and groped. That had already happened to him once in his life, and he wasn’t keen to repeat the experience.

Johannes Cabal’s response to his not-girlfriend calling him her “nimpt-bimpty snookums.”

“You know, you call me ‘bitch’ a lot. It’s not really a term of endearment.”

This sentence is false.

“We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation.” -Ivan Illich

“All right, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back. GET MAD! I DON’T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?! DEMAND TO SEE LIFE’S MANAGER! Make life RUE the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON LEMONS! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I’M THE MAN WHO’S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that’s gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!” – Cave Johnson

I laughed so hard I was in tears the first time I heard it. Cave Johnson. <3

“Now, no one knows if he’s dead, or hiding, or hiding as someone dead, but what’s for sure is that he hates you for not dying. And it’s sure that, if he is alive, he’ll try to finish off the job, probably when you are sleeping, and he’ll probably look like someone you love, just to make it worse when he murders you. So, you know, be on the look out for that, and, you know, be careful when someone loves you.”

^^That sounds familiar. Where is it from?